Parents of only children

[Aelwydd]

Anyone else here who has one child? Dh and I have one son, and while a few years ago he wanted another, he has changed his mind and is content with one. I never wanted children, and ds was a surprise, so I was always against getting pregnant again. But there have been times when I have considered having another, even if I really like the size of our family as it is.

 

Are you happy with your family size, or do you want another? Do regret having one, or do you think you ever will? Is socialization more of a challenge with hs since there are no siblings? This last question has been an issue on my mind, making sure ds has plenty of interaction with other kids.

 

(If you have multiples, you can chime in, too! Just wanted to connect with some other "only" parents here.)

[brightside]

My son is 13 and while my dh said he didn't want anymore for the longest time (it was a very rough delivery for me), we didn't take any measures to prevent it. It is beginning to look like another child is not very feasible for us, but we are not willing to go the fertility route either.

 

I would have to say that having an only child seems much easier, especially as he is becoming a teenager. I can let him explore his interests without any worries about what to do with younger siblings. He is very social, he is very well known and liked in our neighborhood and makes friends easily so he takes care of his own socialization needs.

 

I feel like I get to know him as a person. I don't think my parents got to know me at all (I had 3 siblings, we were all very close in age).

[MorganClassicalPrep]

I have an only. DD is 5. Given that I have another 8 years at least until I finish school, she'll be 13 before I have another.

 

I always wanted a lot of children. But the older DD is getting, the less sure I am that I'll ever have another child. We lead a very "unsettled" life- coming and going as we please, sleeping and waking as we please, eating as we please..... in the future we'll be traveling and hopefully staying out of the country for extended periods of time. With just the two of us- this is possible. DD also loves dance, and while it is reasonable right now, as she gets older it will be more expensive, and, did I mention I'll be a student for another 8 years? :tongue_smilie:

 

All this to say... I do want another. Desperately. I don't feel like our family is complete. But, I'm not sure where things will go for us. If we do increase our family it will probably be through adoption, and probably an older child at that. (As in, somewhere between 8-13 when DD is 13.)

 

I also struggle with "socialization." DD and I are both naturally introverts and neither of us finds it easy to make friends. She actually does better than I. But I don't want her to be isolated from other children. If I had another child I don't think it would be quite as big of a deal.

[wapiti]

Is socialization more of a challenge with hs since there are no siblings? This last question has been an issue on my mind, making sure ds has plenty of interaction with other kids.

 

(If you have multiples, you can chime in, too! Just wanted to connect with some other "only" parents here.)

 

One of my kids has a close friend who is an only (who goes to school). It appears that the child's mom spends significant energy planning at least one playdate/sleepover per weekend with various friends. She often plans them multiple weeks in advance.

 

Family size is so personal, and it's impossible to know exactly what will happen no matter which road you choose. However, I like to look at it this way: which choice, sticking with one, vs. having additional child(ren), would you be more likely to regret when you get to the end of your life? For me personally, for example, it would be extremely unlikely that I'd get to the end of my life and regret the additional child(ren) that I had. Whether I'd regret not having more is a much trickier question.

[goldberry]

DD12 is an only. The only reason I ever considered having another was because of DD's personality. She craves human company and is extremely social. There is almost nothing she enjoys doing if it does not involve other people. Her dad and I are both somewhat "loners" and even enjoy our separate quiet time from each other. Not this kid!

 

The problem was by the time I figured this out, she was already about 5-6, and I didn't think a sibling that far apart in age would help her much. DD would absolutely have been happier with a sibling, even one she fought with.

 

As for homeschooling, it is a bit hard since we live rural and have to travel to be with other homeschoolers. But I have committed to doing that so she doesn't feel left out.

[Cindyz]

I have an only and he will always be an only. We will not have more children. I wish that we had had at least one more. There are some benefits to having only one, but for me, I think having one more would have been ideal.

[elegantlion]

Ds is 13, he is and will be an only. I had complications during pregnancy which make it not a good idea to be pregnant again. That's fine with me, I was a horrid pregnant person. I grew up not wanting children, neither did dh. Sounds horrid, but that's where we were. I never really did babysitting, I don't goo over babies, we had dogs. I can't imagine our lives without him, but we feel fine with one.

 

We've considered adoption, but never seriously. We've all agreed that having one is the perfect fit for us. We had a dog that acts like a toddler and a cat that gets into his stuff, so that's his sibling interaction.

 

Dh is very active in his role as parent, we make a good team.

 

Homeschooling one is great. Right now I'm working on a custom history/science program for next year. We have a lot of interaction, and many days it's more of a student/mentor relationship. Socialization can be an issue. We're basically broke so paid activities are not happening right now. My dh is a carpenter and ds has gone to work with him several times. Ds seems to gravitate toward people not his age anyway, so he's socialized, but the friends things can be an issue. We recently moved and we're trying to get him placed in some activities this summer .

 

I know my child and I have a better relationship because we homeschool. We share inside jokes, we hike together, we do things as a family. It's easier with one. We've talked with ds about being an only child and he tells us he is fine with it. He has a dormer attic room all to himself, he gets constant attention from one of us. We've never felt our family is less than because we only have one child. I think that has been an important point for ds to understand.

[Aelwydd]

I appreciate these posts. Someone said it's a very personal thing, deciding on your family size, and that's true. I do question my choice sometimes, because there are advantages and disadvantages to every size of family, and I sometimes worry I'm overlooking something. A blind spot, so to speak.

 

ElegantLion, your post really struck as being quite similar to my situation. I hated being pregnant--it was the most traumatic period of my life. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say, I thought of termination more than once.:(

 

We've discussed adoption, and that may happen some day. At this point, we're enjoying our son, and yes, he is indulged! :D

[Tohru]

My ds was an only for his first 11 years. My dh never really wanted more, however I always did, but accepted not having more. Then dd was a huge surprise.

 

My son is a lot more mature than other teens his age, but right now he is incredibly uncomfortable around strangers that are teens. I don't know if it is because his major source of interaction has been primarily adults or if it's just his personality.

 

When he was younger I did make it a point to find a regular park day or co-op or something for him to do every week. Now that he is older, I've tried making sure he has social outlets, but it's very difficult since we have the toddler too. Plus he's very reserved and has turned anti-social, so that doesn't help.

 

When he was an only, he wanted a sibling for awhile and I've heard that to be the biggest complaint of grown only children.

 

Honestly, I think it was a lot harder as a parent when he was an only child. It was easier to be his friend than his authority.

[twoforjoy]

My DS was an only for 6 years. He was a tough baby, and my pregnancy with him was awful, and it took us that long to feel ready for another.

 

He's now having to adjust to having two new siblings within 16 months (DD was born last March, and DS2 is due in early August). He's doing great with the change, and loves being a big brother, but I'm not sure DD really provides a great social outlet for him. He tends to relate to her more as a babysitter than as a friend, if that makes sense. At times they do play and have a great time, but certainly his relationship with her won't provide him with the social outlet--at least not for many years--that DD and DS2 will probably provide one another with, being so close in age. We still need to get out and get him around kids his age, and sometimes having DD along can make that more difficult. I've always wanted a big family, so that's fine with me, but it's one of the things that's harder with two. Other things are easier with two.

 

I did find, personally, that my pregnancies have gotten easier each time. Pregnancy 1 was miserable; pregnancy 2 was better; pregnancy 3 has been so easy that I honestly forget I'm pregnant most of the time, even now at 30 weeks.

 

My DH was an only. He didn't mind, and he would have been okay with us having only one child. The only thing he finds a bit sad/stressful about it is not having siblings now, as an adult. He feels a lot of pressure for having to care for his parents as they age, and we both grew up with loads of aunts and uncles and cousins, so it's kind of weird that our kids only have one aunt and one uncle and probably won't have cousins (my sister and her husband don't plan on having children).

[Aelwydd]

The only thing he finds a bit sad/stressful about it is not having siblings now, as an adult. He feels a lot of pressure for having to care for his parents as they age, and we both grew up with loads of aunts and uncles and cousins, so it's kind of weird that our kids only have one aunt and one uncle and probably won't have cousins (my sister and her husband don't plan on having children).

 

This is a concern for DH and I as well. We are planning for retirement, and we'll check ourselves into a retirement home before we become a burden to DS.

 

Also, it's unfortunate, but I have read a couple of studies that showed that having more than one child doesn't really have much impact on lessening the burden on one person. It seems that it's quite common for siblings to dump Mom and Dad on one person, who is often the oldest sister. This has played out in both my parents' families. My dad has 4 siblings, but it is the oldest daughter who is currently living with their 82 year old mother (who has Alzheimer's), and has been named the executor of her estate, and her power of attorney. It's not that she wanted this responsibility; but no one else volunteered, and it's just easier to dump it on her than to make it a family effort. :glare:

[Parrothead]

Dd is an only. We wanted more children. I especially wanted lots more children. I was expecting to be able to pop them out once every 12-18 months until we had 6 or 7.

 

Unfortunately we have unspecified infertility. There is no logical or medical reason we can't have more children. We even went a couple rounds with fertility drugs. This is something I struggled with for a very long time.

 

Now at almost 45 I think having any more is out of the question.

 

For normal people living in a normal town, socialization shouldn't be a problem. Dd has almost always had a bestie or two. (There was that one town we lived in a couple years ago that was so terribly hard on the both of us, but it wasn't a normal place. Stephen King could have used it as a really great setting.) She has also always taken outside lessons - dance, martial arts, sports and/or art.

 

I have a sibling and we were not close growing up. We are not close now either. So having siblings is not always indicative of familial happiness.

[Paula in PA]

Dd is also an only. We did want another and tried multiple times, but never made it past the first trimester. Now, at 43 and diabetic, we've called it. We have considered adoption, but it's just not feasible at this time. And, frankly, I think we're finding that we like our family size just the way it is. It's just more convenient, time-wise and financially.

 

I do admit to baby-lust when I see a little one, but it's getting weaker as time goes on.

[Audrey]

Anyone else here who has one child? Dh and I have one son, and while a few years ago he wanted another, he has changed his mind and is content with one. I never wanted children, and ds was a surprise, so I was always against getting pregnant again. But there have been times when I have considered having another, even if I really like the size of our family as it is.

 

Are you happy with your family size, or do you want another? Do regret having one, or do you think you ever will? Is socialization more of a challenge with hs since there are no siblings? This last question has been an issue on my mind, making sure ds has plenty of interaction with other kids.

 

(If you have multiples, you can chime in, too! Just wanted to connect with some other "only" parents here.)

 

 

We have one. Neither of us has ever had any desire to have another. The "S" word used to nag in the back of my brain, but with all of the activities and opportunities for quality interaction, it has proved a non-issue. All three of us are quite happy as we are. My dh, who came from a family of 9, says, "I am grateful that we have the luxury of a small family." That speaks volumes to me (I had just the one brother myself), and I have never felt any compulsion to procreate any further.

 

ETA:

I have a sibling and we were not close growing up. We are not close now either. So having siblings is not always indicative of familial happiness.

 

This is me, too. I love my brother simply because he's my brother. I was raised that you love family, even when they're really hard to love. Our parents are both dead now, so we are all we have left. But, we've never had anything in common, and we are better siblings when we are apart.

Edited May 23, 2011 by Audrey

[beezus]

I might have considered having more than one, but life didn't work out that way. I had couple miscarriages before my dd13 was born and then events transpired shortly after that making me a single parent for many years.

 

I've never thought socialization was much of an issue. My daughter frequently sees cousins and friends. Those aren't exactly the same as sibling relationships, but I don't think she feels deprived. She spends more time in the company of adults than she probably would if she had siblings, but I think that's just helped to to become more mature and confident. Because she's an only and we homeschool, she's somewhat less aware of the the prevailing teen scene and doesn't care much about it. When she was younger, I did try to make more of an effort to get her involved in activities with other kids, but now that she's older, she has her own circle of friends and she lets me know what activities she's wanting to do.

 

With only one, I always have the time and energy for her, and I get to devote my efforts to what she needs and is interested in. I've been able to get her into classes and activities, all of which I could not have done if I'd had other kids too. After my early pregnancy mishaps I feel lucky to have the opportunity to be a parent. There were times during my single parent years when I don't think I could have afforded more than one, so I guess life worked out for the best. My dd seems to be pretty well-adjusted and pleasant (so far!), so I don't think I've damaged her too much by not providing her with siblings.

[HSDCY]

Ds11 is an only. I never regret having just one. Dh would like to have a daughter, but he is fine with our current family size. Ds didn't want a sibling for the first 9 years of his life, but now he thinks it would be great if he had a 10 yo brother.

 

Although I don't regret having an only, I do worry that he is going to be all alone when dh and I are gone.....

[MaMa2005]

DS is an only (He has a 33 yo sister and 39 year old brother so essentially he is an only). He is one of the happiest children around. He is adopted from China and we asked him if he wanted a sibling. His answer was a resounding NO! He gets to do lots of things that others don't because he is an only. No socialization problems and he is the light of our lives.

[PeterPan]

Having a 2nd (you'll notice they're 9 1/2 years apart) was the greatest thing that could have happened for us. It's hard in some ways, but they SO love each other. And it rounds out what, for us, had become a rather introverted way of living. My toddler worships and adores my dd, and my dd in turn loves being with him. It's just such a good thing. And think about it. What you're giving your ds is family for when you're gone. That's a very special gift, the relationship they'll have 10, 20, 30 years from now.

 

If you *can't* have more, having an only is survivable and fine. We were not unhappy before. But we're glad we were able to have another.

[kalanamak]

Mine was a menopause baby, and I waited until I met a man I thought would stick by his child. It was a long, long wait. I wouldn't have minded more, but hubby is older, and learning to be a SAHD was a bit of a shock to him (he'd never had to get up at night before!). He said he thought adopting another would "kill him". So we are at one. I grew up in a big family, and wish I could repeat the experience for my guy, but such is life.

 

We are happy, we are busy, he has friends, he is social, he has cousins I hope he will grow up to know, and we are done. Hubby will be 70 and I'll be 63 when he is of age to leave the nest.

[NicAnn]

We have one. Although we are trying for another, it does not seem to be in the cards for us. We will adopt/foster if we can't have one on our own. In a perfect world, or if Dh can ever find a job that pays a living wage, we will have 3-4 kids. Dh and I are young and plan on extending our family for some years to come.

 

I'm basically an only (large age difference) and I didn't like it. I really long for brothers/sisters close to my age.

[sophiasapientia]

My DD is an only. It isn't what we had planned but those are the cards that DH and I have been dealt and we feel so blessed to have our sweet girl. She is truly a joy and our family of 3 (plus puppy ;)) feels complete, though it took time for me to get to this stage. Certainly there are benefits -- in terms of finances/time/energy -- to having a smaller family and ours is very close. While it would have been nice to give DD a sibiling, I've found that my energies are better served on focusing what we do have rather than lamenting what we don't.

 

In terms of socialization, it hasn't been an issue. DD makes friends very easily and her teachers always remark that she is a great role model and is seen as a leader by her peers. She feels comfortable around people of all ages and loves spending time with others but also enjoys alone time.

Edited May 24, 2011 by sophiasapientia

[OLG]

Our DS 17 is an only. We married late in life and I had ds at 43 (dh was 49)so we really never expected another. I am an only myself and DH has only one sibling. Guess we are familiar with a small family. I never found it difficult to find activities for ds despite being the only home schooler in this town for a good number of years. Just don't worry about age specific things ;)

 

Now, with college for ds and an empty house I am beginning to wish that "I" had a sibling -ha!

[LibraryLover]

My little sister and bil have an 'only' and he is an absolute delight. He's smart and funny and cute and sweet. My sister says he has sibs...my kids! :) He's wonderful. :001_smile: He is all that and more. LOVE him.

Edited May 24, 2011 by LibraryLover

[rafiki]

.

[LibraryLover]

How nice! I hear you on that. My dn seems to have a similar personality. He's so wonderful I want to squeeze him. Constantly. lol :)

 

My DD is an only. It isn't what we had planned but those are the cards that DH and I have been dealt and we feel so blessed to have our sweet girl. She is truly a joy and our family of 3 (plus puppy ;)) feels complete, though it took time for me to get to this stage. Certainly there are benefits -- in terms of finances/time/energy -- to having a smaller family and ours is very close. While it would have been nice to give DD a sibiling, I've found that my energies are better served on focusing what we do have rather than lamenting what we don't.

 

In terms of socialization, it hasn't been an issue. DD makes friends very easily and her teachers always remark that she is a great role model and is seen as a leader by her peers. She feels comfortable around people of all ages and loves spending time with others but also enjoys alone time.

[sunflowerlady]

Dd is an only and we are happy with our family. I so appreciate what another poster said. (Sorry, I don't remember who it was)- Make sure your child understands that your family is not "less than" because you are a family with an only child.

[sophiasapientia]

How nice! I hear you on that. My dn seems to have a similar personality. He's so wonderful I want to squeeze him. Constantly. lol :)

 

 

 

 

Your dn sounds like a terrific kid! And very lucky too to have such a loving family. ;):)

[RoughCollie]

My DH is an only child, and he never wanted siblings. I never had the chance to have only one child because our first children were triplets.

[celticpeacebh]

I am new here and mama to DS age 10. This is my very first post -I'm so glad to read all of your posts.

I really thought I might be the only HSer with one kiddo!! It can be strange in the HS world where families have many (often many, MANY) children. For those of us who have wanted more, but the universe had other plans, it's very emotional. Sometimes you feel judged, not only because you have ONLY one child, but judged because you spend your time and resources on HSing your one-and-only ...just to have him/her called spoiled and you called indulgent.

 

My kiddo is SO very social and would have really enjoyed a houseful of sibs....even if he was arguing or debating them! He craves social interaction 24 hours a waking day and no matter how hard I try, I'll never be a 10 yo boy!! We have a rocky relationship..he's a smart kid, a bit high need - always has been! We love him for the world, but he drains us to the core most days...even at 10!

 

We have worked very hard (mostly me - DH was deployed a lot when DS was a baby) to be sure DS has always been around and interacting with other kids. To us, this meant a good deal of time away from home. Had there been sibs at home, we may not have been on the go as much. that same pattern, although necessary, continues today and makes me pretty tired with little time spent at home accomplishing my home agenda.

 

We have thought about adoption, but the expense is prohibitive. We also considered fostering-to-adoption, but have so many fears about that process and that adding another possibly high-needs child into our family mix could be detrimental to all of us.

 

Follow your heart, if you think you want more, then don't wait. We did and now, we can't. I agree with several others who have said that having no more children is easier to regret than having more. My biggest fear is not that my DS will feel the lonely burden of our care when we are old - we intend to provide for our own needs. My biggest fear is that he will feel lonely without adult siblings to share his life with...we stay close with his cousins to help keep a strong family bond in tact. I don't know that I'll ever get over my fear that something could happen to DS before our own passing and we would not have any other children.

 

You will find the right choice!! Good Luck!

[kalanamak]

I am new here and mama to DS age 10. This is my very first post -I'm so glad to read all of your posts.

I really thought I might be the only HSer with one kiddo!!

 

You'll find many here, by choice or circumstance.

 

Welcome!!

[Aelwydd]

I am new here and mama to DS age 10. This is my very first post -I'm so glad to read all of your posts.

I really thought I might be the only HSer with one kiddo!! It can be strange in the HS world where families have many (often many, MANY) children. For those of us who have wanted more, but the universe had other plans, it's very emotional. Sometimes you feel judged, not only because you have ONLY one child, but judged because you spend your time and resources on HSing your one-and-only ...just to have him/her called spoiled and you called indulgent.

 

I'm pretty new myself, and I'm glad you posted! I had only seen a few other posters here with only kids, so I started this thread to try to connect up with others. It's nice to have others here who can relate to your particular situation and challenges. :)

[Sputterduck]

I regret *being* an only child. All of my parent's end of life decisions are totally on my shoulders. All of their elder care is all up to me. There is no one to go to for reprieve. There is no one to take over hospital watch when I am tired. All of the guilt for plug pulling decisions are on me. There is no one who also grew up in my house to talk to and bond with over what it was like. I have no nieces or nephews to adore. When my parents are gone, I will have no nuclear family that I grew up with. Do I go to a cousins family for Christmas? I don't know what to do.

 

My son had no aunts or uncles. He has no cousins to play with. I adored my aunts and uncles and cousins and can't imagine childhood without them.

 

I do not want my son to be an only forever. It breaks my heart. I don't want him to miss out on all the joys, and trials, that I'll never know. :(

Edited May 24, 2011 by Sputterduck

[kiwi mum]

As with everything else in life, it is what you make it.

 

My younger sister died when I was six and my parents adopted two more girls so that I wouldn't be an only child. So I grew up thinking that being an only child must be this dreadful thing to be avoided at all costs. But the reality was that with siblings eight and ten years younger than me, we were never close. My mother was busy with littles and I was sent off to play with friends all the time, so I may as well have been an only.

 

I now have only one child, not by choice. I would have loved to have four kids but it didn't happen. We have worked hard to make sure that our son is not indulged and interacts with people of all ages. Yes, it takes effort to make sure that he gets that balance, especially with him being home with just me all day.

 

But we try to look at the positives too. I have been involved in alot of voluntary work over the years - things that I could never have done with four children in tow. We were able to take in our teenaged neices for several years (and homeschool them) when they needed a family and an education.

 

Last summer we moved from New Zealand to the Middle East (DH is teaching at an international school). We could never have done that with four kids - they won't employ anyone with more than two children because they have to provide accommodation, insurance and airfares for the whole family.

 

As well as getting the experience of living overseas, we are able to travel in all the school breaks and see even more of the world. Yes, my son's life experiences will be different from those of a child growing up with lots of siblings, but I don't think he is being shortchanged at all.

 

I've seen posts here from mothers of many complaining that they can't give each child they education they would like to, and I've seen mothers of one ask how they could possibly make homeschooling work.

 

I think the important thing is to make the most of whatever situation you happen to be in. You can look at the negatives, but instead of dwelling on them and letting it eat you up, you just do what you can to counteract them.

 

HTH

[LibraryLover]

Your dn sounds like a terrific kid! And very lucky too to have such a loving family. ;):)

 

 

:) We are lucky to have him! He's a keeper. :001_smile:

[cathmom]

My son had no aunts or uncles. He has no cousins to play with. I adored my aunts and uncles and cousins and can't imagine childhood without them.

 

 

I just wanted to point out that this can happen even if you are not an only. I have 3 sisters, none of whom have children. My one bil died of cancer, and my 4 younger dc do not remember him. My husband is an only child. So my children have no uncles and no cousins on either side. I've never gotten to be an aunt, which I really wanted to experience.

 

:grouphug:

[Sputterduck]

I just wanted to point out that this can happen even if you are not an only. I have 3 sisters, none of whom have children. My one bil died of cancer, and my 4 younger dc do not remember him. My husband is an only child. So my children have no uncles and no cousins on either side. I've never gotten to be an aunt, which I really wanted to experience.

 

:grouphug:

 

Well, my son needs an aunt. Maybe we can make a deal. :p

[cathmom]

Well, my son needs an aunt. Maybe we can make a deal. :p

 

Let's talk! :D

[Aelwydd]

I hope to avoid some of those pitfalls of "no cousins, aunts, etc." by encouraging a close relationship between ds and his cousins. They are close in age and they are like siblings when they are together. It is not the exact same thing of course, but someday, I could definitely see my sister's grandchildren as being like my ds' nieces and nephews, and vice versa. They'd be "second cousins," but still family.

[celticpeacebh]

I made a post to your thread and it's not here. I'm new to forums and the blog world...and this is why I don't bother...I try and never get anywhere. Did you receive my post personally...how was I to post it publicly? I want to be a part of this community, but I don't see a rulebook or how-to book. Any help you can offer is so much appreciated.

[celticpeacebh]

Oh my stars...now I see my post...and your very kind response!! Do you know why did it stuffed its little self up underneath your post versus making a nice, big box of it's own? Oh dear..the utter frustration of all this stuff!! : )

[Lady Florida.]

My son is an only child. Not technically, but his brother is 20 years older, so he's growing up as an only. I found it a bit difficult at first because there were no kids in our neighborhood. With him being homeschooled, it fell on me to help him find friends. Now we not only have kids in the neighborhood, but he has homeschool friends as well. I don't find it hard anymore.

 

When he was younger, he wished for a little brother or sister, but he's over that. He's well aware that he can do more because of being an only (not having to split our finances for activities for siblings). He seems okay with it.

 

Our DS 17 is an only. We married late in life and I had ds at 43 (dh was 49)so we really never expected another.

 

This was us, except I was 42 and dh was 44. Ds has one cousin on my side, and many on dh's side, but they're all adults. He's more like a first cousin to his second cousins, but he's the older cousin among them.

 

One of my close hs friends is an only who has an only. She has no regrets about being an only child, though she realizes it will be difficult when her parents get older. She has been able to give me a lot of perspective on having an only. Since I do have a sibling, I had negative (and incorrect) beliefs about only children.

 

We have quite a few only children in our homeschool group. It surprised me, because when we first started homeschooling I thought we were a rarity in hs circles.

 

I have a post about homeschooling an only child on my umbrella school site.

[Aelwydd]

Hi Beckey!

 

Sure, the reason there's that box thingy with some of your post, is that I quoted part of what you said, so you knew what I was responding to exactly. Hope that makes sense?

 

The quote function lets you designate who and what you are addressing in a thread.

 

And welcome once again to the board! :)

[elegantlion]

I regret *being* an only child. All of my parent's end of life decisions are totally on my shoulders. All of their elder care is all up to me. There is no one to go to for reprieve. There is no one to take over hospital watch when I am tired. All of the guilt for plug pulling decisions are on me. There is no one who also grew up in my house to talk to and bond with over what it was like. I have no nieces or nephews to adore. When my parents are gone, I will have no nuclear family that I grew up with. Do I go to a cousins family for Christmas? I don't know what to do.

 

My son had no aunts or uncles. He has no cousins to play with. I adored my aunts and uncles and cousins and can't imagine childhood without them.

 

I do not want my son to be an only forever. It breaks my heart. I don't want him to miss out on all the joys, and trials, that I'll never know. :(

 

Unfortunately siblings and cousins do not mean that all your parents needs will be met. I have one sister, no cousins nearby and no other family in the area. My sister visited for Christmas and told my parents when they died, she'd just trash the house and burn it down rather than deal with it. :001_huh: Lovely, huh? My parents are old but not frail, they were highly insulted. My sister has always been that way, I would have rather been an only child, seriously.

 

I have a dear friend whose only sibling committed suicide last year. He was in his 40s. She is now an only child, not by choice.

 

I had no relationship with my grandparents. By the time I arrived there were so many grandchildren I was just one of the hoard. I don't have relationships with cousins either because we didn't grow up together.

 

As an only my son has a great relationship with his grandparents. My parents have always been his babysitter. This summer he's going to spend one day a week with them. I would have loved to have that undivided attention from a grandparent as a child.

 

Again, not to discount your feelings and experience, but the grass isn't always greener.

[celticpeacebh]

I just spent several minutes reading through posts that I 'THINK' were made after mine. I spent 20 minutes trying to FIND this thread, I thought I subscribed, but had not.

 

Please be patient with me figuring out how to navigate this forum. I'm trying..really trying and it's SO confusing and makes me feel so old and out-of-touch....

Stuff just pops up all over the place, so I'm not exactly sure to whom or where I'm posting/responding, but here it is:

 

You all sound so heartfelt and involved! What an amazing and positive group of women...I'd love to invite every one of you over for lunch and tea for what I know would be hours and hours of sister chat!:001_smile:

 

There's such a resource in this group - I hope to learn more about you all!

[Aelwydd]

elegantlion, your point about an only's relationship with the grandparents is one I hadn't considered before. My parents have 3 grandchildren: my son, and my sister's ds and dd. My other sister just married last year, but she may never have kids. I would say that having few grandchildren like that definitely means that they relish every minute with my niece and nephew, and with my ds, who is their first grandbaby.

[Lady Florida.]

Unfortunately siblings and cousins do not mean that all your parents needs will be met. I have one sister, no cousins nearby and no other family in the area. My sister visited for Christmas and told my parents when they died, she'd just trash the house and burn it down rather than deal with it. :001_huh: Lovely, huh? My parents are old but not frail, they were highly insulted. My sister has always been that way, I would have rather been an only child, seriously.

 

 

:grouphug: You're so right about having siblings not always being a plus. My brother leads a lifestyle that means we rarely have any contact. He used to call only when he wanted money, but now he knows he won't get drug and booze money from me so I don't hear from him at all.

 

When our mother passed away, I dealt with everything as if I was an only child. Thankfully I have a cousin and an aunt who live about an hour away and were very helpful. Dh and his family as well as my local homeschool "family" were where all of my support came from.

[celticpeacebh]

Oh - thanks..That does help. While your helping a newbie....Does the big POST REPLY button at the far left do the same thing as the little QUICK REPLY button over to the far right....ie do the replies land in the same spot....just tacked onto the bottom of the whole thread?

Reason for asking...when I went searching for my 2 posts on this entire Hivemind Forum, mine was at the top...sort of buried, as opposed to landing at the bottom where it's easy to locate.

Is there a tutorial or help spot somewhere on here that can help me out without me bothering you and other members?

THANKS!

[celticpeacebh]

I know what you mean about receiving valuable support from your friends, neighbors and support groups...I like to say friends are the family you choose.

 

My sibs and I are spaced 7 years in between each ..me 40, sis 46 and bro 52. We were never close due to age differences. My sister and I are pretty close, now, but she's never been close with my son due to her own issues and life choices that I do not judge. My brother is his own person with his own family - relatively uninvolved in our day-to-day lives. My parents were older (by 70's standards - they were 32 and almost 40) when I came along and have not been a real presence in my DS's life due to illness and old age fraility in the past 10 years.

 

My son has a great network of friends and playmates. It's a good life we have and we are out there, doing it..this life thing. It's not easy, some days, to do the go, go, go pace of life. I look at it as an investment that will payoff 10-fold in the future. I try and focus on the fact that he will not NEED me forever and soon may not even want to be SEEN with me as a teen. It will come full-circle as he grows up ( I HOPE ).

[Parrothead]

Celticpeace - click on this link to go to the practice forum. You can read all you ever want to know about posting.

[tinkhs]

I am an only and very content to be, although, my parents wanted more. I am grateful to have such a close relationship with them now as an adult. I do have a hard time with knowing how to give individual time to my kids, but I love them both and wouldn't trade them for anything. I like having a built-in playmate for each of them since there are no friends close by. My husband had a messed up, dysfunctional family, so he likes our small close one. :)