baby ? help me figure this out

[mommaduck]

I nurse Meg, she falls asleep, I lay her down...3-5min later she wakes crying and wanting to be held or nursed again. Some days she has a 3hr period of sleep during the day. But most days she won't let me put her down. I have things I need to get done!

[wapiti]

How old is your baby? I'm sure others will offer advice on getting the baby to sleep - it sounds like you're in a vicious cycle right now. My advice is to not underestimate the importance of a nap schedule, but that has to wait for some brain development (around 16 weeks). Prior to that, with an overtired baby, I'd be putting the baby down every two hours (i.e., after being awake for two hours) to try for a nap. Are you opposed to using a pacifier?

[mommaduck]

I've tried a paci; she only likes one kind. When it falls out during sleep, she wakes up. She has a strong need to be nursing and held. And she's picky on who holds her and when as well. Sometimes, daddy or the big kids can hold her. Mom can ALWAYS hold her. She's only a month old. I've never had trouble with my others having a natural routine (I don't believe in strict scheduling). But this one is different. It's also the end of the year, I have paperwork I have to do for my son's scholarship application, and I have records I need to prepare/portfolios to put together for our evaluation. I need to have some free time at some point. At night, I fall asleep nursing her, so I'm not even able to get any midnight hours in (I used to clean and such in the middle of the night).

[Impish]

Princess was like that.

 

Turned out, her cring was her Daddy's version of talking in his sleep. Seriously. I wasn't able to get to her immed one time, and she went back to sleep within 5 mins, and slept for her longest stretch ever at that point! Her being moved out of our room, so I wasn't picking her up in 10 seconds of her making noise meant she started sleeping through the night from then on!

 

I'm generally not a CYO parent, but she needed it...to this day she talks in her sleep! (And her crying was under 5 mins...I'd barely realize she was crying, and she'd be back asleep)

[Ellie]

:grouphug:

 

I hate it when the other things that need to be done conflict with the needs of the nursing baby. :glare:

 

She's just tiny. If she were 3 or 5 mos old, I'd say put her down and walk away, but at this age...no.

 

I know I'm crazy to suggest this, but sometimes it helps to take two or three days and just nurse like crazy, as much as baby wants. Lie down with her during the day and try to nap a little, actually try to sleep at night when y'all go to bed, sit on the sofa with a good book and a big glass of your favorite beverage...no pressure, no worries. Let your other dc come and sit next to you and y'all cuddle together. Sometimes those few days of focussed mother-baby time gets baby over whatever specific issue is troubling her.

 

Babies can tell when their mothers are tense, which causes babies to be tense, which causes them to nurse more, which causes their mothers to be more tense...taking that time to relax can turn things around.

[Shellydon]

I've tried a paci; she only likes one kind. When it falls out during sleep, she wakes up. She has a strong need to be nursing and held. And she's picky on who holds her and when as well. Sometimes, daddy or the big kids can hold her. Mom can ALWAYS hold her. She's only a month old. I've never had trouble with my others having a natural routine (I don't believe in strict scheduling). But this one is different. It's also the end of the year, I have paperwork I have to do for my son's scholarship application, and I have records I need to prepare/portfolios to put together for our evaluation. I need to have some free time at some point. At night, I fall asleep nursing her, so I'm not even able to get any midnight hours in (I used to clean and such in the middle of the night).

 

 

Have you tried swaddling or sleeping on her tummy? I think you need to not nurse her to sleep. Nurse her for food, change a diaper, then put her down and pat to sleep, or something else besides nursing to sleep.

[TKDmom]

Do you feel like she's getting her tummy filled up during a nursing session?

 

When my babies fell asleep nursing, I'd always jiggle them back awake to get them to nurse for a few more minutes. I'd keep doing this until they were no longer responsive. Then, they really were full and they would sleep longer.

 

A couple of my kids also lived in the baby swing for the first 2 months of their lives. It wa the only way to get them to stay asleep for longer than a half hour.

 

:grouphug: Babies who won't sleep are the bane of my existence.

 

ETA: another thing that seemed to help was when I only nursed on one side at a time. I'd let them empty the br**st in one nursing session, then use the other one next time. The hind milk keeps them full so much longer.

Edited May 5, 2011 by bonniebeth4

[Susan C.]

Dd was like that, I called her the "wear me" baby. I "wore" her until toddlerhood..... She is a teenager now, a creative, sensitive soul. I guess that is how her temperament translated to her early years.

 

Can you get (I don't know what they are called, but you tie them on you and they look like a hammock)? Then you can easily wear her and get things done. I think you can work it out so Meg can nurse in there as well.

 

Also, check under her tongue and see if it is "free." Ds was severely tongue tied, and NO ONE saw the need to fix it until he had his wisdom teeth out. Nursing while tongue tied is very difficult, and baby has to suck a very large amount of air to get the milk. So when he was an infant, he would nurse a minute, get discouraged, stop, then scream because he wanted more, nurse, air, gas, scream, you get the idea.

Edited May 5, 2011 by Susan C.

[redsquirrel]

Both my boys were like this. They grew out of it when they were about .. 4

 

With the second, we figured out it was acid reflux. They were NOT puky babies. It was like stealth reflux. They took a lot of naps in the sling. I pretty much wore them for two years.

[catz]

Both my kids were this way. It was all about a carrier or sling. I had a vibrating bouncy seat and swing that came in handy occasionally. Neither were willing to sleep for any period of time in a crib until after 3 months and after that it was back and forth.

[Sue G in PA]

JC, do you have a sling? I would try wearing baby. That way your hands are free, you can nurse on demand and baby gets all the cuddle time she needs right now. Teach older kids how to use sling, too. :D I saw on your FB that she was finally liking the swing. That's good. Keep trying with that. And as a pp said, make sure she gets full during each nursing session. :grouphug: This, too, shall pass....more quickly than you might want since Meg is your last.

[ocelotmom]

Have you tried swaddling or sleeping on her tummy? I think you need to not nurse her to sleep. Nurse her for food, change a diaper, then put her down and pat to sleep, or something else besides nursing to sleep.

I agree about swaddling. My first two never needed it, but I often still have to swaddle my third (6 months!) if I want her to sleep for a reasonable time without being held.

[mommaduck]

Swaddling doesn't make a difference. It calms her down, but doesn't make any difference when laying her down. I have wraps and slings, but I'm not secure with them when it comes to doing house stuff. Out and about, sure. She also only tolerates it for so long. I use them in the store and half the time she will end up out of the sling and in my arms. I'll try a different sling today (I have two knit wraps, a hotsling, and a ring sling).

 

I can't let her CYO, particularly in another room. She chokes when she spits up. Not an option. I also personally know someone whose baby died when they did that (I won't go into details, but I just can't do that). I've let her cry for up to five minutes a couple of times, but she just gets worse, not better and I can't let her keep crying. I agree that if she were older, that might be different, but now yet.

 

She nurses fairly well, but maybe I do need to make sure she gets more first. I think she's more of a lazy nurser. I can't seem to check her tongue. She won't let me lift it. It's really difficult and I'm not sure how much room is normal. She has an appt on Monday. I'll see if the dr can tell me if she's tongue tied or not. She doesn't cry while nursing though and she is definitely getting milk.

 

She does prefer her tummy, but still, she won't stay asleep for more than a few minutes unless she's on my lap.

[beccad777]

Get a sling or wrap. Nurse her then put her in the carrier. You can get more done and she will be happy because she is with you. Baby swings are also a life saver.

 

With my last son (now 4 months) I figured out that he just needed to cry himself to sleep. He would be unhappy no matter what. One day, I just put him down because I needed a break (and to cook dinner so my other 4 kids didn't starve, LOL) and let him cry. He cried for about 15 minutes and fell asleep. He slept for 3 hours! The longest he had slept to date. He was around 4 weeks old at that point. Now he will fall asleep easier and stay asleep longer, but sometimes he still has to just cry it out because he cannot settle himself down any other way. My mom said that I used to do that as well.

[pfamilygal]

Yup, a good sling will save your life. Leah naps on my back a LOT. I'd suggest a mei tai or a German-style woven wrap (Didymos, Girasol, etc). I have about (gulp) 20 carriers and would be happy to help you pick on out.

[mommaduck]

Yup, a good sling will save your life. Leah naps on my back a LOT. I'd suggest a mei tai or a German-style woven wrap (Didymos, Girasol, etc). I have about (gulp) 20 carriers and would be happy to help you pick on out.

 

:lol: addicted to fabric? I totally understand the addiction (I can't tell you how much material I have for sewing in the basement and I haven't sewn in 2yrs!)

 

My two knitted wraps are $1 walmart material LOL! I need to get to Joann's and see if I can find a nice woven. Any suggestion on type of material to look at?

[CalicoKat]

I nurse Meg, she falls asleep, I lay her down...3-5min later she wakes crying and wanting to be held or nursed again. Some days she has a 3hr period of sleep during the day. But most days she won't let me put her down. I have things I need to get done!

 

Does she like a swing? The motion might help her stay asleep.

[happypamama]

Aww, a one-month old! Keep trying with the wrap. If it's a stretchy one, you want to get it really tight before putting her in. I like to nurse the baby, then pop him/her into the wrap for the real settling to sleep. My DS2 would sleep for hours that way. Try different positions too (just be careful not to let her head drop onto her chest if she's lying down -- it can compromise breathing).

 

Even if you were a fan of letting a baby cry herself to sleep, at a month old, she's way too young for that. I see you've already tried putting her on her tummy; that was going to be my next suggestion. My first was like that -- didn't nap well unless I was holding her. I did use a vibrating rocking seat for her when she was that age, so that I could shower and stuff. But if that doesn't help, can your older kids take turns wearing/holding her?

[mommaduck]

Does she like a swing? The motion might help her stay asleep.

She likes it and used to sleep short periods in it. But now, she only last 10min at the most in it. I think I'll get batteries and see if the motor noise helps (we can keep it swinging without, but minus the sound).

[melissel]

Have you tried nursing her laying down, so that she stays in the same position after you get up and leave? Both my girls were like yours--neither would settle for being laid down somewhere. That's how we ended up co-sleeping. I was, however, able to put a pillow behind their backs, nurse them on their side until they fell asleep, and then walk away. We sidecarred a crib alongside our bed, and I would lay with my lower half in our bed and my upper half in the crib so they were out of the main bed most of the time. It was not as ideal as being able to lay them down and walk away, but that simply wasn't happening for either baby (and we tried both times!), so that's where we ended up.

 

Good luck figuring out a solution :grouphug:

[mommaduck]

Have you tried nursing her laying down, so that she stays in the same position after you get up and leave? Both my girls were like yours--neither would settle for being laid down somewhere. That's how we ended up co-sleeping. I was, however, able to put a pillow behind their backs, nurse them on their side until they fell asleep, and then walk away. We sidecarred a crib alongside our bed, and I would lay with my lower half in our bed and my upper half in the crib so they were out of the main bed most of the time. It was not as ideal as being able to lay them down and walk away, but that simply wasn't happening for either baby (and we tried both times!), so that's where we ended up.

 

Good luck figuring out a solution :grouphug:

 

That works at night (we cosleep also). Aside from the fact that hubby sleeps during the day (3rd shifter) and the bedroom is on the THIRD floor, if I get up and leave her in the bed for a few minutes she's crying within minutes, because I'm gone.

[TXMomof4]

White noise was the only way ds would sleep. I mentioned to a friend that he woke so easily and she gave me a cd of their vacuum running. We would have it up so loud I thought there's no way he would sleep and he loved it. Really. The vacuum cd. It was a lifesaver for me.

[melissel]

That works at night (we cosleep also). Aside from the fact that hubby sleeps during the day (3rd shifter) and the bedroom is on the THIRD floor, if I get up and leave her in the bed for a few minutes she's crying within minutes, because I'm gone.

 

Ugh :( In that case, I agree with the carrier suggestion. I wore DD5 in a carrier for much of the first year of her life. She loved being in it, and DD8 loved still being able to have my attention. Thinking back, it was the only thing that worked during the day for awhile too--the car seat worked for awhile and then it didn't, and the bouncy seat worked for awhile and then it didn't, and then the carrier got us over the hump. After that I could lay her down on her tummy and she'd stay asleep. She loved that thing and was so content in it! And still the kid walked at 10 months old *sigh*

[Gailmegan]

All three of mine were like this, so I feel your pain. I usually just sit on my butt when they are that little, but I understand you do have some things to get done.

 

About the tongue-tie: my third was. But there are different types and his was the rear kind that isn't easily detectable. Two pediatricians and a LC misdiagnosed him. When I went to a second LC, she diagnosed it right away. Here's a good article that explains the difference: http://www.suite101.com/content/diagnosing-tonguetie-in-a-breastfed-baby-a78730

 

I found a site on the internet that helped me figure it out on my own - that's why I didn't give up. I just tried to find it for you, but I'm not being successful. but I'll tell you what I remember. Put your finger on her bottom gum and rub along the top from side to side. If her tongue is free, it should naturally follow your finger from side to side. Also try to put your finger gently on her tongue. Her tongue should naturally grip/wrap around your finger.

 

If it's not tongue-tie, I agree with many PPs that she is so little and a good wrap/sling and lots of nursing should get her past this soon. *hugs*

 

Praying for your sanity in the meantime.

[MindyD]

My dd was like that. I also had to wear her all. the. time. But she slept that way and I got things done so everyone was happy. I used the moby wrap and loved it, but the k'tan was really good too and easier to wear. You can google those to see what they're about. That moby wrap saved my sanity! Oh, and I slept on the couch with her every night for about the first 4 months. She is still sensitive and very touchy feely. She still wants to be held, loves to hug, give kisses, etc. It's just how she is. My advice is to not fight it too much. It will just make both of you unhappy and exhausted.

[mommaduck]

Sitting on my butt is what I've been doing :(

 

Her tongue doesn't follow my finger, but it does wrap around my finger when she sucks on it (she has a good suction).

[pfamilygal]

With an itty bitty, I'd just get about 5 yards of knit jersey. That will work for several months. Once she gets heavier you can look for a GSW (German Style Wrap) type fabric. Have you ever felt one? It's kind of hard to describe.

[MindyD]

By the way, I really liked the moby and k'tan because they both let me have my arms free to do things. The baby is very secure while letting you be hands free. My dd also didn't like the cradle hold, she liked to be in a hug hold (her tummy against mine. She'd sleep for hours while I did basic housework if she was like that. I think it was because her ear would right next to my heart? I don't know, but she was most happy that way.

[redsquirrel]

When you say she won't tolerate the sling, is that in a cradle hold or upright with her head above her bottom?

 

If you are putting her in the cradle hold and she has reflux then that would just be more pain for her. She would need to be upright, with her head over your heart (for example) and her feet near your tummy.

 

With my second I used a Moby sling and it was a lifesaver. It felt very secure. We walked all over town, emptied the dishwasher, taught my older kid together.

 

She is a month old. This could be totally different in a few weeks.

 

Have your other kids teethed early? My boys both got teeth at 12 weeks and were having teething symptoms at 6 weeks.

 

As you can imagine, with the reflux and the very early teething, my DH and I are expert fussy baby bouncers. We are bombproof when it comes to babies. We have actually been asked by other family members to come over and walk colic-y babies hours on end because we don't get bothered by the screaming.

[mommaduck]

oy, you had a time of it!

 

She doesn't tolerate cradle hold. This past week, I've had to start hold her upright (doesn't work well in a hotslip at this stage)...she likes to be up. I'm going to pull out my wraps and ring sling and see what she prefers.

[pfamilygal]

All six of mine abhorred cradle hold. Tummy to tummy was perfect (upright with baby's head on my chest/between my bOOks.)

[JudoMom]

oy, you had a time of it!

 

She doesn't tolerate cradle hold. This past week, I've had to start hold her upright (doesn't work well in a hotslip at this stage)...she likes to be up. I'm going to pull out my wraps and ring sling and see what she prefers.

 

It sounds like it could be reflux.

[indigomama]

We have a beco carrier with an infant insert. I figured out, after some help, how to wear my little ones on my back. Then I felt more secure and free to do household things without a baby bulge up front. Could you knind/get a carrier that does back holds? I don't know how old your oldest are, but they could possibly wear her on their backs too if they were older.

[kilo90]

I have a 6 week old so I'm right there with you. For the first month, we had family in town so DD was held by one of us most of the time. The last couple weeks, though, we've been laying her down for naps. We'll lay her down awake, she'll be quiet for 5-10 minutes and then cry for usually 3-5 min. (Yes, I watch the clock. :) ) Not wail, but cry and fuss and go to sleep. This has been the drill for our last 2 kiddos. When your sweetie starts to cry is it wailing or just crying? If it's just crying, you might try letting her be and see if she'll go back to sleep. Late evening sometimes our DD will have trouble getting to sleep, so we'll get her up and rock her, but during the day it works as I mentioned above.

 

 

Gloria

[redsquirrel]

She isn't tolerating a cradle hold and you say she chokes when she spits up. Both of those things are suggestive of reflux. I would never go so far as to say it is 100% reflux but I feel comfortable saying that you might want to keep it in mind.

 

At 1 month old, it could be gone tomorrow. She could grow out of it very easily. Or not.

 

Some people find that letting baby sleep in the infant car seat gives some relief. Both of my boys found the car seat made the reflux worse so YMMV. It was the car seat that actually allowed the reflux to be diagnosed. He did a perfect projectile vomit on the ped. while sitting in his car seat. That was the only time he puked.

 

Poor baby. Poor mama.

[mommaduck]

I try to put her down in the swing or car seat and she wakes up crying also though. But if I pick up the car seat and put her in the car, she loves it! She had a wonderful time, awake and happy this afternoon when I went to pick up my son. But she started crying when I turned off the car to wait for the other young man at the tux shop (I drive a neighbour kid). She was asleep again when we got her home. I left her in the car seat and set it in her bassinet like that and she did sleep for a bit.

 

She starts off crying and then it turns to a mad or frustrated crying.

[Murphy101]

I know I'm crazy to suggest this, but sometimes it helps to take two or three days and just nurse like crazy, as much as baby wants. Lie down with her during the day and try to nap a little, actually try to sleep at night when y'all go to bed, sit on the sofa with a good book and a big glass of your favorite beverage...no pressure, no worries. Let your other dc come and sit next to you and y'all cuddle together. Sometimes those few days of focussed mother-baby time gets baby over whatever specific issue is troubling her.

 

Babies can tell when their mothers are tense, which causes babies to be tense, which causes them to nurse more, which causes their mothers to be more tense...taking that time to relax can turn things around.

 

Not crazy at all.

 

In fact, the best and most likely to work advice in the thread so far, IMO.

 

I'd dedicate a week to just accepting this is what she needs and so there's no point fighting it. Once I reached a place of accepting that this was just what my particuliar LO needed, suddenly I was able to cope better and everyone was happier.

 

Probably not the answer you want to read tho.:grouphug:

[melissel]

I try to put her down in the swing or car seat and she wakes up crying also though. But if I pick up the car seat and put her in the car, she loves it! She had a wonderful time, awake and happy this afternoon when I went to pick up my son. But she started crying when I turned off the car to wait for the other young man at the tux shop (I drive a neighbour kid). She was asleep again when we got her home. I left her in the car seat and set it in her bassinet like that and she did sleep for a bit.

 

She starts off crying and then it turns to a mad or frustrated crying.

 

Maybe a vibrating bouncy seat then?

[Daisy Mommy]

I'm sure someone has already suggested this but...

 

Jayden used to do that all the time when he was a newborn and the only way to get him to stay asleep and fill up properly was for me to get him undressed to his diaper with no blankets and play with him while he nursed... when he would start to fall asleep I'd tickle him or message his shoulders and legs...

[Matryoshka]

Swaddling doesn't make a difference. It calms her down, but doesn't make any difference when laying her down. I have wraps and slings, but I'm not secure with them when it comes to doing house stuff. Out and about, sure. She also only tolerates it for so long. I use them in the store and half the time she will end up out of the sling and in my arms. I'll try a different sling today (I have two knit wraps, a hotsling, and a ring sling).

 

I was also going to suggest a sling. My youngest never napped on a schedule - she was pretty much in the sling all the time, nursing, sleeping (in short spurts) or looking about as I ran after my 2 1/2 yo twins. This way she was a pretty trouble-free baby. But I could not put her down to nap at all - she'd wake up instantly and wail.

 

The sling should be worn tightly - you should be able to have the baby in there, hands-free, and jump up and down or spin around fast in a circle and have baby be totally secure. Padded ring slings and pouches are often not cut small enough and cannot be adjusted tightly enough. A sling that's not tight enough can be dangerous, and at any rate I can't see the point if you can't use it hands-free. If you feel like you need one hand on the baby in the sling, it is not tight enough.

 

Maya wraps (unpadded) work well, or the origami-type slings that are just tied, but those are more complicated to put on.

[MelanieM]

Another vote for a sling or wrap. My oldest would happily sleep for 2 hrs when I laid next to her or wore her in a sling, but put her down and she was up in 5 min! We got very proficient at babywearing! (So much so that I started a babywearing playgroup, then a business selling carriers, and then owned a rather large babywearing forum. :lol:)

 

Enjoy your time snuggled with your sweet little one! :love:

[mommaduck]

Another vote for a sling or wrap. My oldest would happily sleep for 2 hrs when I laid next to her or wore her in a sling, but put her down and she was up in 5 min! We got very proficient at babywearing! (So much so that I started a babywearing playgroup, then a business selling carriers, and then owned a rather large babywearing forum. :lol:)

 

Enjoy your time snuggled with your sweet little one! :love:

 

I only know of one babywearing forum...wonder if it's the one I'm a member of (have not participated in some time though).

[melissel]

I only know of one babywearing forum...wonder if it's the one I'm a member of (have not participated in some time though).

 

Ooh, I'm wondering too! Was it THE rather large babywearing forum, perhaps?

[mommaduck]

Ooh, I'm wondering too! Was it THE rather large babywearing forum, perhaps?

 

Oh yeah...:001_smile:

[redsquirrel]

One thing I did with my colic-y reflux-y kids when it came to nursing did seem to help. I would let them nurse on one side only for 8 hours. I pumped on the other if necessary. That way, I knew the baby was getting lots of rich hind milk. I did that for days at a time. It worked very well with one, not so well with the other.

[Dana]

With my son, it was a dairy allergy. :(

I had to cut dairy out of my diet and that helped. Even so, he didn't sleep well until he was over 2 years old.

 

I mention it only so if other things you try don't help, you may want to consider food allergies. Hope it's something simple.

 

I used the sling some, but a Baby Bjorn seemed to work well for me feeling more secure.

[kalanamak]

I discovered my huge eater just needed 9 oz every time he bellied up to the bar or he couldn't be put down. I could do 9 oz once in the middle of the night and then again on first rising, but could just never belt out that much the rest of the day. So I supplemented. He'd get what ever I had, and finished off as much as he wanted of supplement. Then he would "pass out" as if drunk. If he didn't get a full tummy, he was fussing, and kicking, and waking in minutes, etc. My mother said one of my brothers was also like this.

 

He still eats like a horse.

[MelanieM]

I only know of one babywearing forum...wonder if it's the one I'm a member of (have not participated in some time though).

 

I used to own/admin TBW. :)

[Carrie12345]

She sounds a lot like S at that age, but I don't want to make any assumptions, so I'll ask,

 

Does she spit up more than "normal"?

Is her growth okay?

Have you done a *complete* dairy and soy elimination?

And, of course, how do her diapers look?

 

S has both GERD and MSPI, and I can't say with complete certainty which symptoms were absolutely caused by which issue b/c he went M/S-free and on Zantac at the same time.

 

But I am sending big :grouphug:. I couldn't put S down for more than 2 months, and it took me another 2 months to recover from it!

 

ETA: S was always a fabulous (cosleeping) night sleeper, which really threw some confusion into the mix!

[mommaduck]

I used to own/admin TBW. :)

 

Mystery solved! Wow! Very cool!