This makes me so sad.

[Lizzie in Ma]

This makes me sad on so many levels, I don't think I have even considered them all yet. It breaks my heart. I am so grateful that this is not the life we lead. I can't imagine.

 

http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/family/articles/2011/03/29/the_tug_of_war_that_decides_whether_mom_or_dad_stays_home_with_their_sick_child/

[2cents]

Been there. I worked f/t until we had dd 1 and ds was in a private school. Dh and I never argued over who would stay home though. It was just calmly decided based on what we had going on at work an which one of us could rearrange the schedule. We were also lucky that we both had very understanding employers. It was always something we had to deal with though and I always dreaded hearing rumors about colds, pink eye, Fifths etc. going around at the school because I knew what was coming next. When I began staying home and homeschooling, I quickly realized how fortunate I was. It was such a relief not to have to deal with that. I feel badly for those parents that feel stressed out about how to manage care for a sick child or unexpected weather days. :(

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Maybe someone should just set up "infirmary day care centers". That way, parents could drop those bothersome sick kids off for a nurse to take care of all day, while they go on about their IMPORTANT business.

[jelbe5]

Maybe someone should just set up "infirmary day care centers". That way, parents could drop those bothersome sick kids off for a nurse to take care of all day, while they go on about their IMPORTANT business.

 

:iagree:

 

was just thinking about this as a possible business venture and am surprised there are no facilities such as this

[mommaduck]

On one hand, I am sickened by some of the comments from the parents that I read...as though their kid is a pet dog and a nuisance.

 

On the other hand, there are people that truly risk losing their jobs if they have to call in too many days because this kid got sick, now they are sick, now the other kid broke their leg at a game, etc, etc...the problem is that companies aren't family friendly and don't care. My husband lost a job once because he had to take me to the emergency room. It was a "you can't miss a single day during probation" thing and it didn't matter what the reason was.

[Leav97]

Maybe someone should just set up "infirmary day care centers". That way, parents could drop those bothersome sick kids off for a nurse to take care of all day, while they go on about their IMPORTANT business.

 

They exist. I have one available to me through work. They have an onsite nurse. The pediatrician will stop in if needed. The kids get there own room with a TV. Most of the kids object if Mom/Dad pick them up early. It doesn't work when the kids are really really sick. But, it's helpful if they are just to sick for school.

 

We also have a backup childcare for when daycare isn't available. I'm still a little surprised we don't have onsite daycare.

 

My DH is a WAHD. He takes care of the kids during the day so we don't need sick care but, backup childcare has come in handy.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

On the other hand, there are people that truly risk losing their jobs if they have to call in too many days because this kid got sick, now they are sick, now the other kid broke their leg at a game, etc, etc...the problem is that companies aren't family friendly and don't care. My husband lost a job once because he had to take me to the emergency room. It was a "you can't miss a single day during probation" thing and it didn't matter what the reason was.

 

This is the real problem. Not really the parents, for the most part. We live with a business culture that doesn't give a flying fig about family commitments.

[regentrude]

Maybe someone should just set up "infirmary day care centers". That way, parents could drop those bothersome sick kids off for a nurse to take care of all day, while they go on about their IMPORTANT business.

 

Such as earning a living as a single parent?

[2cents]

Maybe someone should just set up "infirmary day care centers". That way, parents could drop those bothersome sick kids off for a nurse to take care of all day, while they go on about their IMPORTANT business.

 

They do have those in some places. We had one when we lived in Colorado. We personally never used it but some of my co-workers had used it. The facility was in a hospital and they had a drop-off for sick children whose parents had to work. As I remember, the cost was high but it worked for some of the parents and they ran a brisk biz. We also had a local daycare that advertised 24 hr care and they catered to those parents that worked overtime, deep nights and odd hours.

[AlmiraGulch]

Maybe someone should just set up "infirmary day care centers". That way, parents could drop those bothersome sick kids off for a nurse to take care of all day, while they go on about their IMPORTANT business.

This is really completely judgmental. How fortunate for you that you don't have to make these types of choices.

[mom2denj]

I think that she was referring to this particular article. One does state "I guess I am going to get stuck staying home" this is sad. Of course there are single parents that need this kind of help, but for parents to be fighting over who's going to get stuck staying home with the sick kid, it's sad!!

 

I do feel extremely blessed! We struggle alot, but I know that when my kids are grown and gone, I will have all of these wonderful memories!

[Mrs Mungo]

I feel really fortunate that I've never had to choose between keeping a job and taking care of my sick child.

[Catherine]

I'm curious why you feel sad-asking sincerely. Sad for the child, or the parents, or some other thing?

[Rhonda in TX]

Before I had kids, I worked with a woman who really stressed when her kids got sick. Her DH had an hourly job with no benefits, so if he didn't work, he didn't get paid. She had a DS who went through a bout of really bad ear infections, so he was home sick a lot. She had to take the days off because she had paid sick time. It was very, very stressful for her, especially when she eventually ran out of sick time. She was then using vacation time, which she also ran out of. It was a bad situation.

 

Sure, some parents are being selfish and not wanting to stay home with a sick child, but most are not. In this economy, things like just showing up to work really matter.

 

I've always been very, very lucky to be able to stay home with my kids, and I know that.

[LidiyaDawn]

On one hand, I am sickened by some of the comments from the parents that I read...as though their kid is a pet dog and a nuisance.

 

On the other hand, there are people that truly risk losing their jobs if they have to call in too many days because this kid got sick, now they are sick, now the other kid broke their leg at a game, etc, etc...the problem is that companies aren't family friendly and don't care. My husband lost a job once because he had to take me to the emergency room. It was a "you can't miss a single day during probation" thing and it didn't matter what the reason was.

 

:iagree:

 

It's the same as the "people going to work sick" debates that spring up - many people do. not. have. a choice. With this topic, many parents are up a creek if they take too many days off - or any at all, as you just showed in your example.

 

 

They exist. I have one available to me through work. They have an onsite nurse. The pediatrician will stop in if needed. The kids get there own room with a TV. Most of the kids object if Mom/Dad pick them up early. It doesn't work when the kids are really really sick. But, it's helpful if they are just to sick for school.

 

We also have a backup childcare for when daycare isn't available. I'm still a little surprised we don't have onsite daycare.

 

My DH is a WAHD. He takes care of the kids during the day so we don't need sick care but, backup childcare has come in handy.

 

That's actually pretty amazing, that a company would provide that type of care for the children of employees! I know there's likely a huge financial thing behind it, but it sounds like a bit of heart as well.

[Rivka]

Maybe someone should just set up "infirmary day care centers". That way, parents could drop those bothersome sick kids off for a nurse to take care of all day, while they go on about their IMPORTANT business.

 

Gee, thanks for the punch in the gut.

 

Look, this article is from a Boston newspaper. Boston had more snow days off from school this winter than my husband gets vacation/personal leave/sick days for the entire year. Add in days that the kids are sick enough to need a parent to stay home with them. Add in days that the kids feel fine, but they haven't been 24 hours fever/vomit/diarrhea free so they can't go back to school. Forget about adding in days that you yourself are sick or hurt, because you're probably going to need to work those days too after missing so many days with your kids.

 

You don't think that, in this economy, people aren't legitimately afraid that they're going to lose their jobs over Johnny having a 100 degree fever? You think it's just that working parents don't think their kids are important? Really?

 

Our society is still organized around the assumption that workers are able to devote 100% of their time and energy to the office, because each worker comes with someone else who is devoting 100% of their time to home and family.

 

That is purely impossible for many families. (Particularly in Boston, which - again - is where this article comes from. Boston has one of the highest costs of living in the country.) For many other families, it might be technically possible, but it isn't the best choice for who they are and how their family works. For all of those families, then yes, days when kids can't go to school are a struggle. It has nothing to do with loving their kids less than SAHMs do.

[Homemama2]

On one hand, I am sickened by some of the comments from the parents that I read...as though their kid is a pet dog and a nuisance.

 

On the other hand, there are people that truly risk losing their jobs if they have to call in too many days because this kid got sick, now they are sick, now the other kid broke their leg at a game, etc, etc...the problem is that companies aren't family friendly and don't care.

 

 

:iagree: I hope the sick kids didn't overhear the parents argue about who was 'stuck' at home.

 

When I was working, though, I remember this one lady who had to call off ALOT b/c of her sick kids. She was single(widowed-so she didn't even have an ex to call to help out) and her kids were in elementary school. People were just downright nasty to her about it, as if she could help having a kid w/ stomach flu or something. Sad.

[Parrothead]

Rivka, I think it is the arguing over who looses out and has to stay home with the kids that scrappyhomeschooler was referring to.

 

The article was about who has the more important meeting, who is the one stuck home with the kid.

 

Now if it had been about the plight of the working parents who have to choose between their job and their family I'm sure the posts would be more compassionate. Because the way our society is set up, yes, it is a crappy thing to have to choose between work and family. It is something else when at least one parent won't voluntarily reschedule their day because their kid is sick.

[lionfamily1999]

I agree op. It's sad for all involved. I used to scoff at people that used the term "wage slave" and pegged them all as chicken littles. The older I get, the more the reality of it sinks in. You get a job, your family relies on one worker. Both parents get jobs, your families needs increase with your income. I'm not the biggest rap fan, but I agree with Biggie, "Mo' money, mo' problems." As income increases, need increases. These poor parents owe so much (not just assuming credit bills, but even utility usage goes up with all the electronic gadgets you need to do your job well, maintenance bills for required needs and so on) that they really can't just take a day off. The employers have to give days off (or else they aren't "family friendly"), but that doesn't mean it won't bite the employees in the rear later or that the employer isn't actually losing out by not having their employee there.

 

Dh is working with a lady whose family seems to have one disaster after another. Even knowing that it's all true it's gotten hard for everyone she works with (and her friends) to deal with sheer amount of stuff that goes wrong for them. Every single week something nearly catastrophic happens and she has to miss one day. The only week she's been in every day since she started (months ago) she was actually ill. Well, she could put her own health on the back burner (and it was appreciated), but what can she do when it's her husband and children who are sick or hurt? At the same time, how much longer can the place she works put up with missing her?

 

It's just a tough stinky situation all around.

Edited March 29, 2011 by lionfamily1999

[Frontier Mom]

This is the real problem. Not really the parents, for the most part. We live with a business culture that doesn't give a flying fig about family commitments.

 

:iagree: We are lucky in that my dh has a flexible schedule but, if I worked outside the home it would still be hard for us to decide.

[lionfamily1999]

Really though, if you don't have to work maybe you should hold back a little on the judgement. Yeah, the article started off a little shaky, it DID sound like they were comparing their child to a speed bump in their day, but the thing is.... It's PAYING for that child's needs that is making them scared to take the time with the child.

 

It's so easy for me, a sahm, to point to them and cry "For shame!" Of course, with the present economy I'm looking at needing a job myself. If/When that happens and there is a schedule conflict dh and I are going to be having the same sort of conversation. Whatever I find is going to be something with a high turn over rate (I'm not trying for a career and I'm not too proud to offer fries with that). If I miss work once, I could be fired. Dh is the major bread winner, he misses work and our income will get hit hard.

 

Trying to balance those things, so that our children can eat and we can continue to enjoy the luxery of the internet, electricity, running water and clothes when the threads finally give up, is going to be difficult to say the least. Not because we're self-centered punks looking to move up the ranks. We're happy where we're at thankyouverymuch. It's because WE ARE PARENTS and we need to supply certain things for our children. To supply THOSE things other things are required (like gas and oil for our cars, propane to heat our home, and believe you me, we're paying WAY more for that than we ever have before).

 

Since this isn't magic fairy land where all our dreams come true and good intentions don't result in fat wallets, we'll have to work. Since neither of us will be working at Disney we're stuck with a real boss who is not going to be so easy going when the time comes to miss a day.

 

So take your high horse and ride off into the sunset. For the rest of us, we're just hoping to keep things going another day :D

[justamouse]

I feel really fortunate that I've never had to choose between keeping a job and taking care of my sick child.

:iagree::iagree:

 

If I were single--that's another story. But from the first kid we made the very hard choice of me leaving the workforce. Some years were feast, some were famine, but I don't regret it for an instant.

 

This is another reason I loved the book RADICAL HOMEMAKERS. It finally made me feels as if it were OK that we chose that way.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

This is really completely judgmental. How fortunate for you that you don't have to make these types of choices.

 

Well, I was trying to come off as smart-alecky in referring to the tone of the article, so I apologize for offending anyone who has to make these decisions, which I have also had to do in the past. And I did state above in another post that the problem isn't with the parents, it's with a corporate culture that doesn't recognize family responsibilities as equally important with work responsibilities.

 

Sorry if my meaning was unclear. I was mocking the whole "battle of the blackberries" thing.

[Journey]

Wow...there are some very strong, judgmental comments on this thread. For those of you who have chosen to stay home with your children, you should be on your knees thankful that you are able to do that. There are those of us that NEED to work, to support our families. Maybe some families out there need two jobs to support their extravagant lifestyles but is that your/our business? Let's not be so judgemental, it only makes us look really ugly.

[Wheres Toto]

Gee, thanks for the punch in the gut.

 

Look, this article is from a Boston newspaper. Boston had more snow days off from school this winter than my husband gets vacation/personal leave/sick days for the entire year. Add in days that the kids are sick enough to need a parent to stay home with them. Add in days that the kids feel fine, but they haven't been 24 hours fever/vomit/diarrhea free so they can't go back to school. Forget about adding in days that you yourself are sick or hurt, because you're probably going to need to work those days too after missing so many days with your kids.

 

You don't think that, in this economy, people aren't legitimately afraid that they're going to lose their jobs over Johnny having a 100 degree fever? You think it's just that working parents don't think their kids are important? Really?

 

Our society is still organized around the assumption that workers are able to devote 100% of their time and energy to the office, because each worker comes with someone else who is devoting 100% of their time to home and family.

 

That is purely impossible for many families. (Particularly in Boston, which - again - is where this article comes from. Boston has one of the highest costs of living in the country.) For many other families, it might be technically possible, but it isn't the best choice for who they are and how their family works. For all of those families, then yes, days when kids can't go to school are a struggle. It has nothing to do with loving their kids less than SAHMs do.

:iagree: Except for the part about being in Boston (not that NJ is much lower cost of living) you said it way better than I could. :001_smile:

 

I HAD to work from the time dd was 7 weeks old until she was 11 - which was when I remarried and had ds. Some of that time I was a single mom and not working meant no food and no place to live. Even when I was married not working would have meant no health insurance and no place to live. There were some very hard choices to be made.

[Wheres Toto]

Since neither of us will be working at Disney we're stuck with a real boss who is not going to be so easy going when the time comes to miss a day.

 

:D

 

I just had to laugh at this. My brother works for Disney and they really frown on employees taking too much time off. Certain times of year, they are not allowed to take off any time at all.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think that she was referring to this particular article. One does state "I guess I am going to get stuck staying home" this is sad. Of course there are single parents that need this kind of help, but for parents to be fighting over who's going to get stuck staying home with the sick kid, it's sad!!

 

 

 

But if you look farther down in the article, it says that the consequence of losing that fight is having to "make that dreaded call to the boss". That's why it's a fight - not because they don't want to stay with the child. They aren't supposed to, but there are companies who do not want to hire people with kids. (The latest Reader's Digest quotes a childless HR person who has a picture of kids on his or her desk to try and get potential employees to make comments about them.) People are afraid of losing out on good reviews, promotions and then ultimately the job itself.

[Impish]

I've been a single parent, married working parent too. The tone of the article did come across like it was a competition to ditch sick duty.

[Wheres Toto]

But if you look farther down in the article, it says that the consequence of losing that fight is having to "make that dreaded call to the boss". That's why it's a fight - not because they don't want to stay with the child. They aren't supposed to, but there are companies who do not want to hire people with kids. (The latest Reader's Digest quotes a childless HR person who has a picture of kids on his or her desk to try and get potential employees to make comments about them.) People are afraid of losing out on good reviews, promotions and then ultimately the job itself.

 

I've gone to job interviews where they asked if you were available for "unlimited last minute overtime" to determine if you had kids or other responsibilities. I usually just admit to having kids. If it's going to be that much of an issue, the job isn't going to work out for very long anyway. I don't know what I would have done if I really really needed that job.

[zusjames]

Maybe someone should just set up "infirmary day care centers". That way, parents could drop those bothersome sick kids off for a nurse to take care of all day, while they go on about their IMPORTANT business.

 

Pretty sure that Xerox has (or at least, had) this type of day care at the corporate level.... The CEO at the time had young children. Don't quote me on this but I think it was in the WSJ.

[AlmiraGulch]

Well, I was trying to come off as smart-alecky in referring to the tone of the article, so I apologize for offending anyone who has to make these decisions, which I have also had to do in the past. And I did state above in another post that the problem isn't with the parents, it's with a corporate culture that doesn't recognize family responsibilities as equally important with work responsibilities.

 

Sorry if my meaning was unclear. I was mocking the whole "battle of the blackberries" thing.

 

Thank you for clarifying.

 

I've been on both sides of the equation...as the employee who needs off because my kids are sick, and the boss who has to "coach" employees when they are missing too many days, regardless of the reason. It's such a difficult situation! I take offense at the tone of the article, honestly. I don't know one parent who looks at their kids the way this article seems to present. The "Battle of the Blackberries," though, is real. He/She who has the bigger deal going on that day goes to work. That's just the way it is.

[Jenny in Florida]

I just had to laugh at this. My brother works for Disney and they really frown on employees taking too much time off. Certain times of year, they are not allowed to take off any time at all.

 

Yep. My husband has worked for Disney (behind the scenes, professional work) on and off for the last 12 years. I worked merchandise for three. It's not like they treat their employees (oops, "cast members") like they do their guests. In many ways, it's a wonderful company, but it's still a job with normal hours and high expectations.

[lionfamily1999]

I just had to laugh at this. My brother works for Disney and they really frown on employees taking too much time off. Certain times of year, they are not allowed to take off any time at all.

Yep. My husband has worked for Disney (behind the scenes, professional work) on and off for the last 12 years. I worked merchandise for three. It's not like they treat their employees (oops, "cast members") like they do their guests. In many ways, it's a wonderful company, but it's still a job with normal hours and high expectations.

I was looking for another way to say we can't work in a place where "dreams come true" and since it's Disney's motto... :lol: I sort of assume employment there doesn't come with a free cricket, three rubs of a genie bottle, or 364 days off a year to celebrate un-birthdays, but in magic perfect world it should!

[justamouse]

Yanno, I really hate that when a SAHM posts how lucky she feels, or why we made the decision it's taken as a slam against working Moms.

 

FWIW, in making that decision, we went without *any* income for a year, went into 50k debt (after we ran through our savings), and had no healthcare for 5 years. I wasn't being patronizing when I said some years were famine.

 

I still don't regret it, and I get tired of working parents saying how hard it is--when sacrificing to stay at home is sometimes just as hard.

[lionfamily1999]

Yanno, I really hate that when a SAHM posts how lucky she feels, or why we made the decision it's taken as a slam against working Moms.

 

FWIW, in making that decision, we went without *any* income for a year, went into 50k debt (after we ran through our savings), and had no healthcare for 5 years. I wasn't being patronizing when I said some years were famine.

 

I still don't regret it, and I get tired of working parents saying how hard it is--when sacrificing to stay at home is sometimes just as hard.

It's not that. I'm a sahm (for now). It's the vitrol and accusations that those parents don't love their kids as much. That's what makes people so angry.

[Rivka]

It's not that. I'm a sahm (for now). It's the vitrol and accusations that those parents don't love their kids as much. That's what makes people so angry.

 

:iagree:(Except that I'm not a SAHM.)

[Wheres Toto]

It's not that. I'm a sahm (for now). It's the vitrol and accusations that those parents don't love their kids as much. That's what makes people so angry.

 

:iagree:

[justamouse]

Well, I would never think that a mom didn't love their child as much-not at all. I hope no one took what I said that way. I'm sorry f that's what was thought. And I do see that there are choices that are equal to a rock and a hard place when working. That is on both sides, though.

[Audrey]

Maybe someone should just set up "infirmary day care centers". That way, parents could drop those bothersome sick kids off for a nurse to take care of all day, while they go on about their IMPORTANT business.

 

 

In our area, there is a 'company' of older ladies who will stay home with your sick child for you. Most of them are retired and they do this for supplemental income. They are not cheap, but they will show up with just an hour's notice. You call the main number and the 'switchboard lady' will find your day-sitter and despatch her to your house tout-suite. You can request a francophone day-sitter if you need one, but other than that, you have to take whomever is available. Most working parents love this service and love the ladies who work for it. I think it's a positively brilliant entrepreneurial endeavour!