I'm pretty sure public school is in our near future

[JenniferB]

My oldest daughter is 12 yrs. old. She is to the point in her schooling where she does a lot of reading and concentrating. She needs quiet to do all her work, so she ends up in her room most of the day. I'm worried about her lack of interaction with us and people in general. She is a very social person, naturally, but she just can't work with all the noise and commotion in the house, so she goes to her room. I don't think this is a good environment for her teen years, being surrounded by little ones or isolated in her room. I really feel strongly that she needs to be with kids her own age. My husband put a call out to the principal of our district middle school today. I'm thinking if we can get her into half days, then we can strike a good balance with interaction with others, and still homeschool some subjects. Anyway, I'm naturally nervous about this. We have homeschooled all along. The last 2 years my oldest has taken Orchestra at the local b&m. It's been a good experience, but I'm hearing all the voices in my head from past homeschool conventions, etc., and I'm pretty fearful. Any advice? Any help? Any encouragement? Any wisdom?

[Mallorie]

What does she want?

[MBM]

I have never homeschooled, so take my advice with that in mind. :)

 

Anyway, if your daughter is like my children, she will likely find friends who have similar interests and values. Is peer influence what you're concerned about, btw? LOL.

 

[JenniferB]

What does she want?

 

She doesn't really want ps, but her reasons are not sound. One of her main reasons is that she's afraid that she will get bad grades because she can't take tests over. She also likes to sleep late and/or wear her pajamas. Those are her Top 3 reasons for wanting to homeschool. I don't think they are healthy reasons. :confused:

[JenniferB]

I have never homeschooled, so take my advice with that in mind. :)

 

Anyway, if your daughter is like my children, she will likely find friends who have similar interests and values. Is peer influence what you're concerned about, btw? LOL.

 

 

 

Have you ever been to a homeschool conference? They pretty much scare you out of public school. Honestly though, I'm worried about many things like peer influence, boys teasing or hitting on my daughter (who is only 12, but looks as if she's 15), teachers who are not a good influence, physical danger... :confused:

[KS_]

My oldest daughter is 12 yrs. old. She is to the point in her schooling where she does a lot of reading and concentrating. She needs quiet to do all her work, so she ends up in her room most of the day. I'm worried about her lack of interaction with us and people in general. She is a very social person, naturally, but she just can't work with all the noise and commotion in the house, so she goes to her room. I don't think this is a good environment for her teen years, being surrounded by little ones or isolated in her room. I really feel strongly that she needs to be with kids her own age. My husband put a call out to the principal of our district middle school today. I'm thinking if we can get her into half days, then we can strike a good balance with interaction with others, and still homeschool some subjects. Anyway, I'm naturally nervous about this. We have homeschooled all along. The last 2 years my oldest has taken Orchestra at the local b&m. It's been a good experience, but I'm hearing all the voices in my head from past homeschool conventions, etc., and I'm pretty fearful. Any advice? Any help? Any encouragement? Any wisdom?

 

Well, the first thing that jumped out at me was that she's not going to have a quieter environment at school to do her work in - there are going to be even more distractions. So if she isn't able to get her work done at school, she will have to do it at home, and in her room. . .

 

I also don't agree with kids needing to be around other kids their own age. In many cases, groups of kids sink to the lowest common denominator. I *know* there are exceptions, but I wouldn't expect it. I think having her involved in one or two group activities is great, but I don't think it's necessary to send her to school for a half day or all day. Most of my interactions with other kids in school aren't things I really want for my kids - maybe I'm the exception in that - but I don't look back favorably or with a lot of memories from any of my school career that I think "Gee, I really wish my kids could experience that."

 

Even back when I was in junior high and high school (I graduated in 1989) there was so much inappropriate stuff going on and s*xual harrassment from guys and just crap I wouldn't want my kids to deal with. I wasn't in a huge or particularly bad highschool, either. Ultimately it probably depends on your local school and the environment there, but if the main reason you want to send her to school is interaction with peers, I would really think twice.

[Tiramisu]

Is she happy and healthy now? If she is, I wouldn't force a change.

 

I sent one to ps because of emotional issues due to circumstances out of her control. She was miserable at home and getting worse. One day at ps turned her around. It was a difficult choice and sad for me, but everyone is doing better because of it.

[Susan in TX]

I sent my oldest to public high school in 10th grade for similar reasons. She did great in public school. My 2nd daughter went to8th grade the same year and also did just fine. Since then all of our children have entered public school in 9th grade. There is just so much that school can offer teens that I can not provide homeschooling. My kids have grown so much, made friends, found new interests, and have had the opportunity to be academically challenged and to learn from excellent teachers.

 

Susan in TX

[Tarreymere]

Public schools aren't quiet places and aren't designed to allow the students to finish their work during the class period, plus she will still have assigned homework to do on top of that and studying when she gets home. So she will still be alone in her room all evening instead of having time with family, meaning that your relationship with her would suffer.

 

Public schools around here don't allow kids to enroll for half a day, I guess whether that would be allowed would depend on what state you live in.

 

As for peer influences, why don't you go to the school and sit in the cafeteria during lunch or sit outside as school lets out and watch. We homeschool specifically because of the negative peer influences that our oldest kids experienced and the behaviors and attitudes they began to imitate beginning in middle school. You can't guarantee that your child will be immune, no matter how good your relationship with her is. And the stakes are too high. All those horror stories you have heard about what can go on in those environments are true.

[regentrude]

I am not sure I understand how sending her to school will work if she needs QUIET to study. PS is all commotion. Thirty kids in one room, there is constantly something going on. So, yes, she would be among kids - but she would not have the environment for learning that she seems to need.

 

Can't you involve her in activities with others outside of school? My kids also prefer working on their own instead of with me. DD gets plenty of social interaction after school when she goes to the barn, when she sings in choir, and at our homeschool group. Academic situations with other kids like coop have not worked well for us.

[SonshineLearner]

Hey There,

 

Well, I have some advise... because my daughter just started back... Are you ok with full days?? Are you ok with the peer influence? Do you remember how junior high kids talk? Remember that teen relationships start before 12 and... well... are you ok with her friends having boyfriends? My daughter has picked "good friends" but I can tell you that what she's hearing isn't what I would choose. It's more than a bit of exposure.

 

That being said, for many reasons I won't go into, but one of them her STRONG desire to go.... I sent her.

 

There's absolutely no way I would have sent her to PS, if she was willing to hole up in her room doing schoolwork. I had all kinds of social things for her, so that it wouldn't come to this.

 

She's there, only out of wanting peace for our family.

 

:(

PS, I was so excited about my daughter taking math, but the kids on either side talk during class.... so basically she can't hear.. concentrate...

(But, her writing teacher is awesome!! :))

[JenniferB]

Oh goodness - lots to think about, as usual. Parenting is soooooo hard! I'm all kerbobled.

 

Thanks for the advice, I will consider your thoughts.

 

I think my main thing is that I just don't *feel* like it's right for her to be in her room for so many hours. It's such an isolated existence.

 

I didn't like school much as a kid, so I feel like I'm biased toward homeschooling, but my daughter is soooooo different than me. She's pretty much the opposite of me. She wouldn't naturally be in her room for so many hours reading, but that's what's required, so she does it. It just doesn't feel right for her, especially as she gets older. :confused:

 

I'm just one big kerbobled mess. We're meeting with the Principal on Wednesday morning. She said that they absolutely do allow for half days, partial days, or whatever we need. She has a very positive and helpful vibe.

 

Thanks again for advice. I'll continue reading if anyone else has more input.

[katemary63]

Well, the first thing that jumped out at me was that she's not going to have a quieter environment at school to do her work in - there are going to be even more distractions. So if she isn't able to get her work done at school, she will have to do it at home, and in her room. . .

 

:iagree:In addition: I just have to say, the "scare" you get from homeschool conventions is not unfounded. Take this from someone who knows from experience.

 

My two older kids attended PS all thier lives. Some of our experiences included: teachers who didn't care, teachers who were literally crazy and a principal who acknowledged it and appologized but said he couldn't do anything about it, exposure to drugs and alcohol, same sex "couples" making out in the hallways, filthy language, bullying on buses, girls carrying their babies out to the car after picking them up from in school daycare, and junior high girls flashing their bare "books" at my 6th grade son IN THE HALLWAY. These are not third person horror stories. All these things, and more, were personally experienced by my kids.

 

So I homeschooled my third child after elementary, 6th -8th grade. (She had a Christian elementary school principal and an ideal experience in that particular school. Junior high is where all hell breaks loose IMHO.) But she decided she wanted to try PS for high school since we had moved from a suburban city to a small, southern, rural town. She already had friends who attended from 4H and thought she would like it. Poor thing. Was she in for a rude awakening. She was disgusted by the behavior and morality of most kids and sorely disappointed in the level of education. She CHOSE to come home and school herself in her bedroom the rest of high school (2 1/2 years) rather then be in that atmosphere. She was sick of the F words, sick of not being able to hear the teacher because all the kids were talking and the teacher just kept on lecturing on as if anyone was listening, and really wanted to do an actual biology lab rather then watch her teacher do his magic tricks. The last straw was when several kids, male and female, were suspended for having *ral s*x IN SCHOOL, IN THE GYM, DURING AN ALL SCHOOL ASSEMBLY! - How you ask? Well, the guy lays his jacket over his lap and the girl simply ducks under. Teachers saw it going on from across the gym. It was sick. This is small town AR, 1300 population, 400 high school students. Everyone of my friends who's children attend the larger town high school 15 miles south say it is even worse there.

 

She came home and we ordered books and lab stuff and she taught herself. She had to start over at the begining of Algebra 2 and biology since she had learned almost nothing the first half of the year (absolutely no labs in biology) But she did great! Now she's at university studying to become.......a teacher!!! She says SOMEBODY has got to do something!

 

The fact is, no matter what school, no matter where (our first hometown was afluent midwest, second was rurul south), your kid will be exposed to horrible behavior, immorality, constant profanity, drugs, alcohol and terrible teachers. (Yes, of course, there will also be great teachers.) If you know people who are saying "our school isn't like that" I say, "um....bologne."

 

So, now I'm homeschooling DD9 and she will see the inside of a PS over my dead body and that of both my adult daughters who would smack me with a baseball bat over the head if I ever sent her and who have both vowed to homeschool their own kids some day.

 

The question is, what on earth good can come from her going to PS? The "socialization" you think she'll get may be your worst nightmare.

 

Sorry, that's my soap box. I can't help it.

[RanchGirl]

It sounds like you are feeling strongly that she needs more social interaction and a group learning experience, but not necessarily feeling good about the public school. Has she taken any outside classes? I wonder if trying one or two group classes outside the home would be a good way to address your concerns without the full blown public school experience and all that comes with it. It might either be a good way to test the waters or the start of a transition to public school.

 

P.S. I'm dealing with some of these decisions myself... trying to figure out what to do for high school. Whatever you decide, I hope you'll come back and share how it worked for your daughter!

[LibraryLover]

Does she have any hs friends? My youngest dd is a little younger than yours, and she enjoys many aspects of group activites. My dd has never attended school. I know she would love it, but we are not there yet; she's just not interested. But she also doesn't like to do all of her work in her room. She loves acting and writing plays, making music with others (she loves to make music), discussing ideas and literature etc. My dd alos adores summer camp.

Edited February 5, 2011 by LibraryLover

[MBM]

I don't have time to comment about specific concerns regarding high school (I will say that I have similar concerns, though), but would the school allow your daughter to do a shadow day with a student who has a similar temperament and interests? Kids around here do shadow days all the time.

 

Oh, and some kids do wear flannel pj pants to school! I'm not sure if that's what you want to hear, though. :lol:

[littleWMN]

I've had some similar concerns for my oldest (who is home with 2 "littles" during the day). She's 9. But what works for us is two full-day homeschool "programs" outside of the house. At one of them she's heard things that I'm not thrilled about but I'm certain it's nothing like she'd be exposed to at a public school. That allows her time outside of the house. Also, I try to have some quiet times during the day so that she can work next to us, not alone.

[distancia]

Well, the first thing that jumped out at me was that she's not going to have a quieter environment at school to do her work in - there are going to be even more distractions. So if she isn't able to get her work done at school, she will have to do it at home, and in her room. . .

 

I also don't agree with kids needing to be around other kids their own age. In many cases, groups of kids sink to the lowest common denominator. I *know* there are exceptions, but I wouldn't expect it. I think having her involved in one or two group activities is great, but I don't think it's necessary to send her to school for a half day or all day. Most of my interactions with other kids in school aren't things I really want for my kids - maybe I'm the exception in that - but I don't look back favorably or with a lot of memories from any of my school career that I think "Gee, I really wish my kids could experience that."

 

Even back when I was in junior high and high school (I graduated in 1989) there was so much inappropriate stuff going on and s*xual harrassment from guys and just crap I wouldn't want my kids to deal with. I wasn't in a huge or particularly bad highschool, either. Ultimately it probably depends on your local school and the environment there, but if the main reason you want to send her to school is interaction with peers, I would really think twice.

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: and so does my teen (18) daughter, who went through public school from 3rd through 11th grade--now she is telling me that when SHE is a mom SHE'S going to homeschool. Also, she is now having problems with advanced math and she says it all goes back to middle school (it does), when she stopped paying attention in class. Too much attention from the opposite s*x, too much lewd and crude conversation, too much focus on clothing and appearance...not enough emphasis on academics.

[Tarreymere]

Well, not to go into the whole big, long story, one of my daughters who attended a public middle school in our small town ended up listed on the National Crime Information Clearinghouse and had to eventually at the tender age of sixteen be extradited back home from a state several hundered miles away. She says now that since she felt she couldn't be one of the popular girls and since she didn't want to be classified as a nerd, she decided to be 'notorious'. She was attracted to the charm and attitude of the low life, criminal element and the adrenalin rush of running from the police. She is currently 23 with two illegitimate children to two different drug dealers, has been in four different county jails, and has a long 'rap sheet' that includes dealing in heroin and felony witness intimidation. She is a bright, beautiful, charming young woman who still can't seem to break free from that culture and those people. She was a straight A student in a small private Christian elementary school before this. These last ten years have been very difficult for me, learning to negotiate the juvenile justice system and trying to get help for her. Do you think I would risk another of my precious children to that environment? I could never in good conscience advise anyone to take that risk with her own child.

[Barry Goldwater]

I think my main thing is that I just don't *feel* like it's right for her to be in her room for so many hours. It's such an isolated existence.

 

I didn't like school much as a kid, so I feel like I'm biased toward homeschooling, but my daughter is soooooo different than me. She's pretty much the opposite of me. She wouldn't naturally be in her room for so many hours reading, but that's what's required, so she does it. It just doesn't feel right for her, especially as she gets older. :confused:

 

Wondering why this seems so wrong to you...I personally think that 'socialization' is incredibly overrated. She sounds like a mature, disciplined, introspective and self-controlled young lady, content in her own skin and with her own company...very desirable traits IMHO!

 

However, if it's a big deal to you, there are more options that are more productive and constructive to the concerned parent besides school...such as:

 

Recreational sports

Clubs / hobbies (chess, reading clubs, crafts, amateur radio, language)

4-H

Church / youth group

Scouts

Musical theatre

 

My 14 yr old and 13 yr old have one (yes, one) good friend their age, each, a team of good acquaintances from soccer, fellow singers in choir, and a diverse collection of 4-H club friends, some of whom are young, some whom have already graduated but still hang out once in awhile, and some with dis-abilities, both physical and mental. They can manage interactions with infants, toddlers, young children, the elderly, adults, and their livestock animals (!) quite well. But their preferred past-time is reading alone, or self-studying alone (about 1/3 of their HS is self-education), either in a bedroom or out in the barn, by themselves, for hours. I personally see nothing wrong with that.

 

FWIW.

[Katrina J]

I think it depends on your local public school. Your fears could be justified or completely unfounded. There are some high schools within a 20 min drive from my house that I wouldn't go near and others I consider a perfectly reasonable option.

 

I wouldn't like my daughter to lead such a solitary existence either so I don't see any harm in trialling you local ps, particularly when they seem so accommodating. She certainly won't be getting a lot of peace and quiet at school, however she might really enjoy the more interactive environment and finds she gets just as much from her teachers and peers as she does from her books alone. Half a day at school followed by quiet study time at home sounds ideal to me.

 

Katrina

[lisabees]

I, too, would have a serious issue with my dd being in her room all day. I think it's important to be part of our communities and world. If your dd is a social person by nature, this may be what she needs. Most of my friends who have put their kids in ps, after years of hs, have a successful outcome. In fact, most wonder what they were scared of after all of these years. Most of the kids thrive.

 

You just might not get too much support on this board. :D If you ask this question on the logic stage or high school board, you will find many who are happy with their choice in eventually sending their kids to a bricks and mortar school.

 

I have two in school and two being homeschooled. It happens to be right for them at this moment. Because my feet are dipped in both sides, I see the advantages and disadvantages of each. And believe me, there are disadvantages to being hs, as well as ps.

 

But, if you take it one child, one year at a time, you may get over your hesitation. Nothing is forever. She can always return to hs, if it seriously doesn't work out.

 

Rather than needing only "peace and quiet", your dd needs the space and time to focus on her needs. She can absolutely do that in school, because the classes will be for her. Sure, there will be kids that aren't paying attention. Sure, there will be teachers she doesn't like as well as others. Sure, there will be bad influences. But, I think it's important to be open to the wonderful opportunities, the wonderful kids, that wonderful teacher that may change your child forever.

 

Your daughter may blossom.

 

In the end, follow your gut. Do what is best for your family.

 

HUGS to you. :grouphug:

Edited February 5, 2011 by lisabees

[MIch elle]

My older ds homeschooled K-8 and is attending a private high school (jr now). He continues to thrive at school and wouldn't come back home even if we let him (his choice to attend in the first place).

 

My younger ds is attending public school for the first time this year for gr. 8 after homeschooling k-7. He LIKES it and is doing very well socially and academically.

 

We enjoyed homeschooling and we enjoy public/private school.

 

YES, school can be a GOOD thing!

 

Meeting with the school is a good first step. You may be pleasantly surprised at what's happening in your school system. It may be better for your family to have your 12yo attend school than homeschool.

 

Don't be afraid! Find out is this is right for YOUR family. :001_smile:

[JenniferB]

Thanks again everyone. I shared your thoughts with dh last night and he had a great idea for our dd - drama club! She was in the Christmas play this last Christmas, and she played a very convincing Mary. :tongue_smilie: So, we are still going to meet with the Principal to discuss half day school - find out if we can get her in light homework classes. We will consider it, but if that doesn't seem right we will continue to homeschool and add in drama club.

 

She's already very occupied with Girl Scouts, Awana, Girls Group (which is a Bible study at our home), church, sleep overs, and various other things that come up like Bible Quizzing, and lots of activities and outings with the family, BUT I still get the feeling that she's more isolated than what her personality requires. I feel like 2-3 hrs. in her room studying would be appropriate for her personality, but 5-6 is too much.

 

We'll see. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. I'll keep checking in to see if any more thoughts are posted.

[gandpsmommy]

First, I want to acknowledge that my older child is only nine years old and in fourth grade, so please take my advice knowing that we haven't yet reached middle school age. Although, in our district, fifth graders go to the middle school with sixth, seventh, and eighth graders, where they have their own wing and are mainly kept separate. So, next year we will be entering that phase. I just couldn't help responding, after you received so many horror stories about public school.

 

I think what is best for your daughter will definitely depend on your public school system, the teachers your daughter gets, and your daughter's personality. So while I think all of the horror stories you have heard are very real and very valid for the families who reported them, it doesn't necessarily have to be your reality.

 

We enrolled our dd in public school for the first time this academic year. Before that we had homeschooled her from preschool through third grade. I was reluctant to even consider public school. And I was thoroughly prepared for her to hate it, for the curriculum to be substandard, for me to disapprove of her teacher's methods, for everything to be as horrible and wrong as I had come to believe public school was.

 

I met with the curriculum director last spring when we first decided it might be an option, and was pleasantly surprised to find that our district had a lot more to offer than I had assumed. The curr. director let me know about their gifted program, which includes a magnet class in fourth grade. He also assured me that each student would be allowed to work at his/her own level, regardless of what grade the student was in. He told me about their math program, which was pretty similar to the one we were using at home. I remember coming home still undecided about whether we would send her, but encouraged that even if it was just for the benefit of other people's children, our district was doing a lot more right than I had guessed.

 

I posted about it on here and immediately received a slew of negative feedback about how it might appear that their gifted program was good, and the administrators might say that kids would get to work on their own levels, but (insert horror story to prove the opposite). Again, I know that behind all of those horrible stories are real people who endured them, and I don't want to discount their realties or disregard their emotions, just reiterate that it doesn't necessarily translate to everyone else.

 

Our daughter completed some testing and qualified for the gifted magnet class, which has turned out to be wonderful for her. Her class is composed of twenty students from throughout the district who all qualified for this class by achieving high scores on standardized tests for overall cognitive ability, math, and reading. They get to prepare for and participate in special math and vocabulary competitions throughout the year. They receive instruction in all subjects on their accelerated/advanced level. They have the opportunity to complete more challenging coursework and more in-depth projects. And even within the class, they are grouped according to ability for things like spelling words so that each child can learn at his/her own ability level.

 

My daughter loved school from the first day. We have had very few issues at all to address, and the ones we have had were quickly and reasonably resolved. She has made many friends, and we have had no problems with peer pressure, bullying, bad influences, etc. There are a few things that she does not get to do in public school that we could have done at home (study a foreign language in elementary school, for example), but there are also opportunties she has in school that I couldn't or didn't provide at home.

 

While I was afraid that the instutionalized scheduling and protocol would be stifling, she enjoys the structure and organization. And a lot of things at her school are done differently from how they were done when I was a child.

 

And my daughter has a different personality than I do. She loves to be on the go. She is extremely social and likes to spend time with other kids. She makes friends easily. So, she really enjoys being around other kids everyday. And it hasn't caused her to have a bad attitude or start acting differently, and hasn't negatively impacted her academics. It has been great for her. While I always loathed group assignments, she finds group work enjoyable and exciting. She has talked a lot recently about some group projects they are working on for reading, English and social studies and a group presentation they are preparing for. She enjoys contributing to the work, hearing her classmates ideas, and working together to improve.

 

I don't want to paint too rosy a picture so that you don't believe me or think I'm pollyanna. There are some kids who get on her nerves, and one kid who irritates her so much that she considers it a break/vacation for her if he is absent. But that is life. We all have to deal with annoying people and learn to get along with people who are very different from us, who rub us the wrong way, or who aren't as mature as we are. And any time there was a real problem, the teacher has quickly taken care of it. There are some teachers in the school that I would not be happy with if my children were put into their classes. And there are way too many fundraisers, in my opinion. There have been a few very minor grading issues with which we didn't agree, but overall it has been a very positive experience for our daughter and our family, much to my surprise. And I am a very picky parent.

 

Last year I spent a lot of time on these boards, and I saw it as a near impossibility that public school could be anything but evil, or mediocre at best. Now, we are considering sending our younger child next year. I would just encourage you to be open to the possibility that it could be good for your daughter, since you already acknowledge the feasibility that it could be bad. Go to the meeting with the principal with an open mind.

 

Also, I wanted to let you know that I understood your comments about your daughter shutting herself in her room to get away from the noise. I think the noise of younger siblings is a completely different distraction than the noise of your own peers in a classroom, unless that classroom is out of control. DD was even beginning to find it difficult to concentrate on her third grade work with a kindergarten brother in the house. Being in a classroom with 19 other kids of her own age is categorically different. Although she still has to be mindful of when she begins an AR test because she finds it difficult to concentrate on reading when the announcements are being read over the PA system or her classmates are shuffling around getting packed up to go home, most of the day is controlled and quiet enough to not be an issue.

 

I wish you clarity of thought and peace with your decision, as I know these kinds of issues are typically fraught with anxiety and conflicting emotions.

[gandpsmommy]

I just wanted to say that this was extemely well-said, and I wouldn't have needed to post if I had just read it first. It is so true, there are advantages and disadvantages to both options. I too am homeschooling one child and sending another to public school, so I see both sides.

 

I, too, would have a serious issue with my dd being in her room all day. I think it's important to be part of our communities and world. If your dd is a social person by nature, this may be what she needs. Most of my friends who have put their kids in ps, after years of hs, have a successful outcome. In fact, most wonder what they were scared of after all of these years. Most of the kids thrive.

 

You just might not get too much support on this board. :D If you ask this question on the logic stage or high school board, you will find many who are happy with their choice in eventually sending their kids to a bricks and mortar school.

 

I have two in school and two being homeschooled. It happens to be right for them at this moment. Because my feet are dipped in both sides, I see the advantages and disadvantages of each. And believe me, there are disadvantages to being hs, as well as ps.

 

But, if you take it one child, one year at a time, you may get over your hesitation. Nothing is forever. She can always return to hs, if it seriously doesn't work out.

 

Rather than needing only "peace and quiet", your dd needs the space and time to focus on her needs. She can absolutely do that in school, because the classes will be for her. Sure, there will be kids that aren't paying attention. Sure, there will be teachers she doesn't like as well as others. Sure, there will be bad influences. But, I think it's important to be open to the wonderful opportunities, the wonderful kids, that wonderful teacher that may change your child forever.

 

Your daughter may blossom.

 

In the end, follow your gut. Do what is best for your family.

 

HUGS to you. :grouphug:

[Word Nerd]

I, too, would have a serious issue with my dd being in her room all day. I think it's important to be part of our communities and world. If your dd is a social person by nature, this may be what she needs. Most of my friends who have put their kids in ps, after years of hs, have a successful outcome. In fact, most wonder what they were scared of after all of these years. Most of the kids thrive.

 

You just might not get too much support on this board. :D If you ask this question on the logic stage or high school board, you will find many who are happy with their choice in eventually sending their kids to a bricks and mortar school.

 

I'm just curious why you think she wouldn't find much support on the Afterschooling board? Several of those who've posted replies to this question aren't afterschoolers, but I would assume that most of us on this board would be supportive of the OP because our kids already are in school and presumably wouldn't be if we had big problems with it.

[JenniferB]

I'm just curious why you think she wouldn't find much support on the Afterschooling board? Several of those who've posted replies to this question aren't afterschoolers, but I would assume that most of us on this board would be supportive of the OP because our kids already are in school and presumably wouldn't be if we had big problems with it.

 

Yes, I posted here because I thought it was more appropriate than the General Board, and I thought there would be more full time or part time public schoolers on this board than the General Board. I also didn't want to appear to be "talked out of it," as those threads can go on the General Board. I'm not considering this due to extreme frustration or fatigue, though times like that do exist, but they are usually caused by my little ones or my own lack of motivation lately and not my oldest. :tongue_smilie: The negative responses and horror stories are fine, they helped us to think outside of the box, like when my husband thought of drama club. It's all good. Thanks for all the responses from all angles.

[lisabees]

I'm just curious why you think she wouldn't find much support on the Afterschooling board? Several of those who've posted replies to this question aren't afterschoolers, but I would assume that most of us on this board would be supportive of the OP because our kids already are in school and presumably wouldn't be if we had big problems with it.

 

Ooops - I should clarify. When I originally wrote "this board", I was referring to The WTM forum in general, not the afterschooling board. I then remembered some recent threads on the logic and high school boards concerning sending kids to ps. Because I frequent those boards in particular, I know that the middle school/high school years tend to be a more common time to send kids to ps. I just thought it would benefit the OP to head over to those boards and take a look.

 

So, basically, there was no intent with my comment. Just lack of coffee and clear communication. ;)

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

Last year, my son was 12 yo and spent the whole day in his room too. I wasn't happy with that. This year, we moved his computer into the living room, he didn't have as much quiet time as he needed, took a bit longer to do his work, but at least he was part of the family.

He even said at one point that he was happy I forced him to 'move back in with us'....

 

Now since January, we've also upped his social activities. He has drama, and science club. For a month we also added ski lessons with the homeschooling coop. So he's out of the house two full days a week, one for structured activities, and one for unstructured (skiing). Once skiing is over, I plan to have him volunteer somewhere (he still has to choose where). He's also part of a swim team that trains 8 hrs a week. We are no longer considering high school for him.

[MIch elle]

 

Last year I spent a lot of time on these boards, and I saw it as a near impossibility that public school could be anything but evil, or mediocre at best.

 

 

I've seen it too many times to count on these boards - that school is evil! School is NOT evil or bad. Yes, there are some evil people and bad things do happen in schools but that is NOT the norm.

 

I'm glad your dc is doing well in school! Thanks for sharing your positive school story. :D

[Eleni]

My kids went to PS this year, and I was terrified to be honest. I had many meetings with the Principal and she really helped us all adjust and eased my concerns. It has been a very positive experience for all of my kids, and I really like how the teachers push them further than I felt comfortable.

[JenniferB]

So, we had our appointment today, and 3 morning classes is totally do-able. The school is very accommodating. They have a new Principal who has only been there for one year. She was proud of the fact that she's implemented higher classroom standards of behavior, much to the angst of the returning students. She said that they are 1/2 way through the year, and the students are already used to the higher standards. The school policy is zero tolerance for profanity, and zero tolerance for inappropriate touching. She said hand holding is allowed, but nothing more intimate than that on school campus. She said there was one drug incident last year. She also said that either she, the Vice Principal, or the security staff are roaming the halls at all times.

 

I was happy with everything I heard, so unless something changes, next year we will have our oldest in math, science, and orchestra in the AM at the local middle school. I'll pick her up before lunch, we'll come home for lunch, and she'll do history and language arts at home. I'm very happy with this plan. My hope is that she'll spend less time in her room, more time learning, and more time preparing for her future out in the world. :D But, we will see. I'll post updates if anyone is interested.

[talexand]

I actually get concerned over "zero tolerance" policies. A friend of mine had her son suspended for a day at 6 years old. This was at a private Catholic school. The school had a zero tolerance policy for inappropriate touching. The first graders were playing tag and started tagging each other on the butt. 20 kids were suspended because that is the policy. They were 6 years old and good kids. A stern word would have done the trick. Zero tolerance leaves no room for doing the right thing for the circumstances. But it depends on how it is implemented. Hopefully at your school it is done well and solves a real problem.

[JenniferB]

I actually get concerned over "zero tolerance" policies. A friend of mine had her son suspended for a day at 6 years old. This was at a private Catholic school. The school had a zero tolerance policy for inappropriate touching. The first graders were playing tag and started tagging each other on the butt. 20 kids were suspended because that is the policy. They were 6 years old and good kids. A stern word would have done the trick. Zero tolerance leaves no room for doing the right thing for the circumstances. But it depends on how it is implemented. Hopefully at your school it is done well and solves a real problem.

 

Yeah, that just sounds irrational. Let's hope this Principal is rational. She appeared to be. Time will tell. :D

[choirfarm]

It sounds good and I might do such a thing if we could in Texas. My 15year old boy goes to church on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights and other than that does school in his room. He has no interest at all in any outside activities. And to be honest, I don't have the time to take him anywhere either. He runs power point at our church. That's it...

 

Christine

 

So, we had our appointment today, and 3 morning classes is totally do-able. The school is very accommodating. They have a new Principal who has only been there for one year. She was proud of the fact that she's implemented higher classroom standards of behavior, much to the angst of the returning students. She said that they are 1/2 way through the year, and the students are already used to the higher standards. The school policy is zero tolerance for profanity, and zero tolerance for inappropriate touching. She said hand holding is allowed, but nothing more intimate than that on school campus. She said there was one drug incident last year. She also said that either she, the Vice Principal, or the security staff are roaming the halls at all times.

 

I was happy with everything I heard, so unless something changes, next year we will have our oldest in math, science, and orchestra in the AM at the local middle school. I'll pick her up before lunch, we'll come home for lunch, and she'll do history and language arts at home. I'm very happy with this plan. My hope is that she'll spend less time in her room, more time learning, and more time preparing for her future out in the world. :D But, we will see. I'll post updates if anyone is interested.

[Mom28kds]

Have you ever been to a homeschool conference? They pretty much scare you out of public school. Honestly though, I'm worried about many things like peer influence, boys teasing or hitting on my daughter (who is only 12, but looks as if she's 15), teachers who are not a good influence, physical danger... :confused:

 

I HSed my older kids and at different levels of their schooling I put them im PS. Those things will happen (teasing, being hit on, peer pressure etc.) The key in my opinion is to make sure you keep the lines of communication open with your daughter. There is a point in life where they will have to deal with these type of things. People are people and all through life there immature people. Is your daughter strong enough? Another thought is that as she deals with these things she is still under your roof and authority so you can help her through it. And not wait until she is in college and away from you to get hit with these things.

 

On another note. Just because you put her in doesn't mean you can't take her back out. I wouldn't do it in the middle of a school year (unless things were REAL bad) because she needs to learn that she made a committment and not to run from problems.

 

I am getting ready to pull (at the end of this year) my 4th grader (who I HSed for K & 1st) because I think he is being influenced and he needs to get a little more grounded. So next year I will be HSing again after taking a few years off. I hope this helps in some way. Good luck with your decision.

[Trish]

The stuff I have heard from local middle school teachers (in this case public, not private) is that there is sexual stuff going on with middle schoolers that was actually unheard of when I went to high school (oh, a decade or two ago, anyway!). But of course not every school, not every middle schooler. So it depends on how good the supervision is at the particular school, and I guess the kids in the area.

 

I'm in central Florida. I guess it's a roll of the dice. Do you know any teachers in the area that you can ask their general impressions?

[specialmama]

So, we had our appointment today, and 3 morning classes is totally do-able. The school is very accommodating. They have a new Principal who has only been there for one year. She was proud of the fact that she's implemented higher classroom standards of behavior, much to the angst of the returning students. She said that they are 1/2 way through the year, and the students are already used to the higher standards. The school policy is zero tolerance for profanity, and zero tolerance for inappropriate touching. She said hand holding is allowed, but nothing more intimate than that on school campus. She said there was one drug incident last year. She also said that either she, the Vice Principal, or the security staff are roaming the halls at all times.

 

I was happy with everything I heard, so unless something changes, next year we will have our oldest in math, science, and orchestra in the AM at the local middle school. I'll pick her up before lunch, we'll come home for lunch, and she'll do history and language arts at home. I'm very happy with this plan. My hope is that she'll spend less time in her room, more time learning, and more time preparing for her future out in the world. :D But, we will see. I'll post updates if anyone is interested.

 

This sounds like a great plan! :001_smile:

[JenniferB]

DD and DH and I decided to continue hsing full time, and join a co-op instead of the PT PS plan. I'm at peace with it. :)

[rubilynne4]

well i feel your pain. i just made the very difficult decision to put my girls in school. all i can say is you need to do what works for you and your family, and what you and your hubby feel is best for your dd. i really prayed and cried alot when i made my decision, but here is what i realized, this is what is right for my family and me right now. there are various reasons i won't go into. i also felt guilty and remembered all the "bad" things i had heard about public school, but i know many homeschoolers who have children who didn't do well either academically or socailly and i know many public schoolers who have children who didn't do well academically and socially. i also know many homeschoolers and public schoolers whose children have excelled academically and socailly and in other ways. i am realizing that it isn't so much where your children are schooled, but the quality of interaction they have with their parents and family that really matters. if they have a solid foundation in their home and a place where they can feel safe and comfortable and loved and accepted, and if they have good teaching (not necessarily academic teaching, but life teaching), and living role models they will most likey do fine. it's how we live before and with our children, and what we deposit in their hearts that counts. and of course you are always their primary teacher so whatever academic areas you see that need work or enriching you can do. anyway that's my 2 cents. in some areas there are also great charter schools available.

[scrapbookbuzz]

Glad you are at peace with your decision. Those are hard decisions to make. We made the decision to put our kids in public school last year. That lasted one semester: fall 2010. Academically, I don't think they learned a thing! However, the auxilliary benefits were a blessing: free food, free clothes, and some other blessings through programs available through the school. Now that we are on more solid ground financially, I have them home where they can actually learn something academically.

 

I will say there are some great public schools out there. Just not here, really. And I can homeschool them, so I do.

 

Glad you figured out what you can do. :)

[woolybear]

DD and DH and I decided to continue hsing full time, and join a co-op instead of the PT PS plan. I'm at peace with it. :)

 

Thank you for the update. That seems like a good compromise. I hope it all works out for your family.

[JenniferB]

I didn't mention that I'm also going independent, so no virtual academy, no K12 curriculum. I really needed a change and that seemed better for the children than public school. I'm glad dd and dh agreed and all is well. :D

[ondreeuh]

We are looking into pretty much the same thing. My son just doesn't have much social interaction with other kids, only occasional play dates and Cub Scouts. We are 99% sure we are moving this summer, and I hope to have him in the local school for half days. I would be very resistant to the idea if it was a big public school and they required full-time enrollment and strictly adhering to their curricula; however, we are looking at a tiny public school that is standards based. I would still be in charge of his math, spelling, and writing programs (the areas I really care about right now). It's wonderful when you have the option to combine the best of both worlds!

[Capt_Uhura]

My oldest daughter is 12 yrs. old. She is to the point in her schooling where she does a lot of reading and concentrating. She needs quiet to do all her work, so she ends up in her room most of the day.

 

I'm so happy you made a decision and everyone is happy. It certainly must be good to know that there is a Principal who is so accommodating. I would have had the door slammed in my face in our district.

 

I have a question. Please don't take this the wrong way. I have a 10yr old so I have no idea what it is like to be HSing a 12yr old. I thought that by that time there would be lots of history discussion, lit discussion, science discussion. I'm really enjoying the logic stage discussions we are having now. Is your DD an independent learner and likes doing it all on her own? I've read of such kids lol but I don't have one of them. I know SWB talks about high school being the time when kids are primarily engaged in self-study (maybe she has amended that now that she graduated her oldest whom she says was the academician and very precocious) and you're only there to keep records etc. I just can't envision that.

[JenniferB]

Capt Uhura, I've changed my plans since this original post. We'll be hsing now full time, independent, no virtual academy, all new curriculum choices. So, I'm looking forward to it. I'm also going to try to incorporate more together work with the younger kids and my oldest and I all together, and more of those discussions you speak of. We were definately missing that during the time we did K12.

[emmn]

I would worry it would eat out of your family time anyway. She will be gone and have to hide in her room to get her homework done at night. You would be missing her more possibly. Ithink all kids that age like to have a little alone time, if she is happy I wouldn't mess with it. Maybe find a new outside activity for her to belong to and make friends.

[Capt_Uhura]

Capt Uhura, I've changed my plans since this original post. We'll be hsing now full time, independent, no virtual academy, all new curriculum choices. So, I'm looking forward to it. I'm also going to try to incorporate more together work with the younger kids and my oldest and I all together, and more of those discussions you speak of. We were definately missing that during the time we did K12.

 

YEs I saw that! You definitely sound energized and excited. Please let us know how it goes on the Logic forum. :001_smile: I'm excited for you! :D

[ORP]

I would recommend touring your neighborhood school, and also any magnet schools, or other options in your district. My daughter is 12 and after 4 districts, 5 schools, we are finally going to homeschool. The administration simply has standardized tests and problem kids to worry about, leaving the kids without many options. Even though my daughter has an IEP, unfortunately, things are promised to her year after year to get into the school, but once she is there, the school can not support her educational needs.

 

 

If you want public school for only the socialization, there are co-ops, community centers, and other options that may be better. I suppose it depends on the school you want to put her in, and kids that attend.

 

I do truly believe in the public school system, unfortunately it has failed my daughter and I need to put her first. Her last elementary school was excellent, but she had a lot of time to run errands and volunteer in other classes because of how slow the class moved. Just do what you feel is best for your daughter, and the great thing is, if you don't like it then try something new!

Edited April 20, 2011 by ORP