Ibbygirl Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I don't think it is insulting either. My story (which was tangential to the well-doneness of filet) was that a hostess TOLD me she wasn't serving steak as she had planned b/c she wanted to serve it to another guest who had to cancel. She told me that since she was "better friends" with the other woman, she was saving the expensive steak for her. yeah I totally agree with you that that was messed up. And btw, I wasn't calling you out at all just so you know. :) I sat and read the entire thread from start to finish yesterday and saw some comments like "being served a cheap hotdog" or "I would be insulted if someone served me a cheap hot dog or a hamburger" and that is what struck me because I personally like hamburgers and hot dogs and didn't see what was wrong with it. Not everybody can afford to buy steaks especially for a dinner party and I just hate to think of someone coming to my house to eat and all the while they are feeling insulted because I can't afford to feed them steak. :iagree: 20 pages of yammering over a chunk of dead cow. :laugh: :lol::lol::lol::lol: It's not rude to serve burgers and dogs.... the point was changing the menu because one thinks its a waste to cook a filet well done. And finding out the menu changed because of it. Just seems a little odd. But that's not what the OP was saying, I realize some people interpreted it that way and the thread took that turn, but I thought that there were people who were saying they thought being served cheap hot dogs or a hamburgers was insulting. If I read that wrong that and misinterpreted what they were truly saying then that's my bad. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 That's not what's going on. At all. Take a :chillpill:. Read Catwoman's post above for clarification. Nice. There are a lot of people here choosing to be offended. Sheesh! You'd think we were discussing the taking off of shoes at the front door, or the returning of shopping carts to their corral, or lead in crockpots...:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Making jokes about the poor slob that got yelled at (humiliated) by the chef in a public place because he dared to ask for well-done. Equating rudeness with artistic temperament and having it be okay. To me that is just this side of bullying and supporting the bully. :iagree: Bullying is the correct term. Being "artistic" doesn't excuse rude behavior. I've never understood why bullying is acceptable in the culinary world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Sheesh! You'd think we were discussing the taking off of shoes at the front door, or the returning of shopping carts to their corral, or lead in crockpots...:D :lol: And for the record, yes you take your shoes off at the door. lol ;):tongue_smilie::D (runs and hides to avoid being pelted with shoes :D ) :iagree: I've never understood why bullying is acceptable in the culinary world. I know. So many artists are divas! Not just in kitchens either. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Nice. There are a lot of people here choosing to be offended. I was responding directly to this quote: I don't think people are way too excited about food, I think they're frustrated that rudeness towards a friend is being endorsed and recommended. I can't find anywhere that rudeness is being recommended, so I guess you are the one choosing to be offended. I am certainly not offended by this thread, as I completely agree with the OP and I think she made a great decision serving Salmon instead of the Filet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I don't know either. For me I'm having just as hard a time understanding the other side of it. I knew I should have just stayed out of it. I can only suppose it boils down to different ways of expressing hospitality. While one hostess will bend over backwards to make her guests comfortable in her way the other will will bend over backwards to make her guests comfortable in her way which is entirely different but not wrong. I can see that. I would want my guests to be comfortable and enjoy the meal I make. I'm a "food is love" kind of person, but for me, the love is in preparing something they will like, not in how much I spend on it. I've had dinner guests where I spent more on shrimp and scallops and I've had guests where I've made chili. The meals were tailored to the people having them, not the $$ spent. It would never cross my mind to serve one friend a high-dollar meal and someone else a cheap one due to how much I liked them. That's just...petty. The OP has stated time and again that the reason she would change the menu is because she would feel out of her depth. That is fine. There have been many other posters though that have all but said those heathens who don't eat their steak/filet their way don't deserve to have one. That is the thing that bothers me. Who are they to decide what kind of food someone else deserves? That I find beyond rude. Making jokes about the poor slob that got yelled at (humiliated) by the chef in a public place because he dared to ask for well-done. Equating rudeness with artistic temperament and having it be okay. To me that is just this side of bullying and supporting the bully. I agree with that. If I'm at a restaurant and paying for a meal, it better be done the way I want it. But I'd never have that mindset as a guest in someone's home for a meal. Instead of being thankful that one can offer one's guest expensive cuts of meat, people are being judgmental about how someone else prefers their food. This is the kind of thing I have a problem with and why I didn't do what I should have and avoided the thread. The human race still has a long way to go Yes, it does! LOL And, I've learned something new: you can be judged on your taste in foods! That is a totally new concept to me. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I am certainly not offended by this thread, as I completely agree with the OP and I think she made a great decision serving Salmon instead of the Filet. Poor OP! I think she must think we are all absolutely INSANE! I think she abandoned this thread back around page 5. lol Wouldn't it be a riot if she pulled this thread up at her dinner party and said, "Look at how nuts these people are. Do you want more salmon?" :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I agree with you about the OP...she didn't mean her guests didn't deserve filet mignon if they wanted it well done. HOWEVER...other people did say that. It's more than just *meat*. Most of these threads are... And I find them interesting. I don't think I need a hobby b/c I do find them interesting and participate in these types of threads. I think they are an insight into human nature. (ANd I know that you, Catwoman, didn't say anything about needing a hobby but it has been mentioned thru here.) You know, I could use a hobby... maybe I'll go to culinary school... and then I'll get serious and become a famous chef... I've always wanted to be a diva! ;) :D And you're absolutely right about some of the "other posts" being, shall we say, a little bit judgmental about what type of guests would and would not be deserving of filet mignon, and I found that attitude to be surprising (and offensive.) As you said, it's more than just *meat.* I was just sort of hoping that this thread would end, because some people seem to be taking this whole thing entirely too personally, and I would hate to see hurt feelings over dinner meat selections. (Now, the shopping cart thing is an entirely different matter! ;)) Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deacongirl Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 :iagree: Bullying is the correct term. Being "artistic" doesn't excuse rude behavior. I've never understood why bullying is acceptable in the culinary world. FTR--ITA that being artistic doesn't excuse rude behavior and it is not OK, and that there is for sure bullying that goes on in too many kitchens. My dh would never tolerate it and the chefs we are friends with don't behave that way. Out-of-control chefs do make for some good stories though--and you can relate a story about one without laughing at the victim of said behavior. And for the love of Pete-I don't believe that someone who wants a filet well-done is unworthy or a heathen or doesn't deserve to eat it however they prefer it. But I also have a right to plan ahead and serve something else equally good when I invite them to my home. We have a lot of oyster roasts in this neck of the woods--if you don't like your oysters on the ummmm...raw side you are out-of-luck. I don't feel like a heathen and nobody makes me feel like one for not eating them...I just ask my dh to give me any burnt ones he finds and enjoy the time hanging out with my friends. Oh--and the traditional option for those who don't like oysters at these events is...hot dogs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 But steak is one dish that is cooked to order as opposed to lasagne. That's why restaurants even ask people how they want it cooked. I don't understand why you would not make it for them again. I get that YOU think it would be ruined if cooked at well, but if they don't think it is ruined, then what's the big deal? Having said that though, I'm not someone who tends to cook like that even for guests. My guests are more likely to get some homemade chili or spaghetti;) See, I've never had a restaurant ask how I want a filet cooked. I think it's pretty much standard that a filet is rare in the middle. I've been asked how I want a sirloin or porterhouse cooked, though. I'm not saying it never happens, but most my whole life, it's just sort of been common knowledge that a filet, being a very lean cut of meat, is not prepared well-done. And, ftr, I'd most likely never make steak of any sort for company. I'm just not a good steak-griller. I'll do steaks at home for me, because if I screw them up, who cares? But if I screwed up a steak for someone else, I'd be mortified. I tend to make meals I do well for company. But again, this is all presupposing I know in advance what the guests like and whether I can make it for them well. If I were standing over the grill with filets and someone wanted it cooked to hockey puck consistency, I'd do it and not say a word and not even be upset about it. And I'd not make it again, because, again, filets are not supposed to be well-done. Other cuts? Sure. And it has nothing to do with snobbery or thinking someone doesn't deserve a good cut of beef. It has to do with how filets are generally prepared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 See, I've never had a restaurant ask how I want a filet cooked. I think it's pretty much standard that a filet is rare in the middle. I've been asked how I want a sirloin or porterhouse cooked, though. I'm not saying it never happens, but most my whole life, it's just sort of been common knowledge that a filet, being a very lean cut of meat, is not prepared well-done. And, ftr, I'd most likely never make steak of any sort for company. I'm just not a good steak-griller. I'll do steaks at home for me, because if I screw them up, who cares? But if I screwed up a steak for someone else, I'd be mortified. I tend to make meals I do well for company. But again, this is all presupposing I know in advance what the guests like and whether I can make it for them well. If I were standing over the grill with filets and someone wanted it cooked to hockey puck consistency, I'd do it and not say a word and not even be upset about it. And I'd not make it again, because, again, filets are not supposed to be well-done. Other cuts? Sure. And it has nothing to do with snobbery or thinking someone doesn't deserve a good cut of beef. It has to do with how filets are generally prepared. And therein (the bolded) lies the rub. Not necessarily at you SolaMichella,, but who the blazes made that rule and when? To many that is not universally true. Again, not at anyone in particular, I'm wondering now if it is nothing more than a general lack of knowledge on how to prepare a well-done filet. Interesting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 And therein (the bolded) lies the rub. Not necessarily at you SolaMichella,, but who the blazes made that rule and when? To many that is not universally true. Again, not at anyone in particular, I'm wondering now if it is nothing more than a general lack of knowledge on how to prepare a well-done filet. Interesting. Well, I can't tell you who made the rule. LOL All I know is, whenever I read articles on how to cook filets, or scallops for that matter, they always say that the middles are rare. So, being the submissive, compliant person that I am, ;) I just go with the rules. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 See, I've never had a restaurant ask how I want a filet cooked. I think it's pretty much standard that a filet is rare in the middle. I've been asked how I want a sirloin or porterhouse cooked, though. I'm not saying it never happens, but most my whole life, it's just sort of been common knowledge that a filet, being a very lean cut of meat, is not prepared well-done. I always order a filet mignon if eating at a steakhouse. I've always been asked how I want it cooked. My response is always "well done". I've never had a waiter or chef tell me that is unreasonable, or not the standard for filet. Common knowledge? Maybe in your world, but not mine, and we do eat out frequently at moderate to high end restaurants. Ranging from Longhorn on the moderate end to an occasional Ruth Chris type place (once or twice a year, perhaps). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Well, I can't tell you who made the rule. LOL All I know is, whenever I read articles on how to cook filets, or scallops for that matter, they always say that the middles are rare. So, being the submissive, compliant person that I am, ;) I just go with the rules. :lol: Eww.. raw scallops. Yuck. I cannot eat seafood not thoroughly done. No sushi for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Eww.. raw scallops. Yuck. I cannot eat seafood not thoroughly done. No sushi for me. This, and no tuna steaks for me. They're usually just barely seared. Blech! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deacongirl Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I always order a filet mignon if eating at a steakhouse. I've always been asked how I want it cooked. My response is always "well done". I've never had a waiter or chef tell me that is unreasonable, or not the standard for filet. Common knowledge? Maybe in your world, but not mine, and we do eat out frequently at moderate to high end restaurants. Ranging from Longhorn on the moderate end to an occasional Ruth Chris type place (once or twice a year, perhaps). If you google how to cook filet mignon--the overwhelming responses demonstrate that the standard is not well-done. Waiters may not say anything...not just because they are being polite, but b/c it also helps their tip if you order filet b/c the bill will be higher. But that doesn't change the opinion restaurant people have about the "right" way to cook a filet. Of course everyone is entitled to their preference--that doesn't change the standard, or the fact that the majority prefer it rare or medium-rare. It doesn't make those who prefer it well-done wrong...but it doesn't change the standard. From Cooks Illustrated The New Best Recipe: "...You've probably noticed that in a restaurant, filet mignon is usually served rare...(the cut) remains tender because the animal doesn't use it to move about, and it is both lean and mildly flavored because it has little marbling (ribbons of intramuscular fat that melt during cooking to provide flavor and juiciness)...Right off the bat, we confirmed our suspicions that filets are best cooked rare to medium-rare. In our opinion cooking them to medium begins to compromise their tenderness, which is, after all, their raison d'etre." Interestingly, for every cut of beef (rib-eyes, strip steaks, prime rib), this particular cook book doesn't even list temp. ranges for well done--only for rare, med. rare, and medium. Again--it doesn't make someone who likes it well-done wrong--it also doesn't make someone who doesn't want to cook it well-done in their home inhospitable or rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Wouldn't it be a riot if she pulled this thread up at her dinner party and said, "Look at how nuts these people are. Do you want more salmon?" :lol::lol::lol: That would be funny! :D (Except that then they'd know they missed out on filet mignon, which is a real treat for most people!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I was responding directly to this quote: I can't find anywhere that rudeness is being recommended, so I guess you are the one choosing to be offended. I am certainly not offended by this thread, as I completely agree with the OP and I think she made a great decision serving Salmon instead of the Filet. What do you want from me? We disagree. I'm perfectly willing to leave you with your opinion, but it would be nice if you could agree to leave me with mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 What do you want from me? We disagree. I'm perfectly willing to leave you with your opinion, but it would be nice if you could agree to leave me with mine. I'm sorry- I thought you were confused and wanted to understand, so I was trying to explain. My mistake. I do tend towards sarcasm, but I was not trying to pick a fight with you. My apology is sincere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 That would be funny! :D(Except that then they'd know they missed out on filet mignon, which is a real treat for most people!) Yeah, that would be the only wrinkle. Unless of course she told them it's just because she lacked her skill to cook it properly and then who knows, maybe the husband said, "whip out the steaks and I'll cook them." For all we know they could be eating a delicious feast of salmons and filet mignon and that tasty dessert she made. :) I do hope the OP pops back in and updates us on how her dinner went, but I have the feeling that she's abandoned this thread. lol :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Not necessarily at you SolaMichella,, but who the blazes made that rule and when? The people with good taste :D Don't go all "relativist" on us :tongue_smilie: Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama2Three Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) The OP asked her guests the night before the dinner how they liked beef cooked. They don't like it cooked the way she cooks it, so she's considering making something else. How in the world that gets translated into the guests not being "good enough" for her steaks, or how that gets construed as rude is mind-boggling. It's not like they were standing there at the grill and she ripped the meat off the grill, threw it back into the fridge and whipped out cheap hot dogs for them. I think it was kind of her to ask their preferences before settling on a menu. She never promised them filets. She simply asked how they liked meat cooked. Given the information she gave in the OP, I don't think she's done anything wrong by reconsidering what to serve. Thank you for your kind remarks. And thank you to all the others who have shared constructive input. :001_smile: As the OP, first I want to say that I'm rather amused by all the turns and twists this thread has taken. And for all of you who are sitting on the edge of your seats wondering what I served, here goes... I chose to grill a large salmon filet and some chicken breast strips. The salmon was very easy without the hovering that cooking steak to various degrees would have required. Most of it had a tangy bbq sauce and some I made plain (my friend asked for the bbq sauce recipe). We had a salad, mashed sweet potatoes, corn, and fresh bread. The cheesecake and blackberries went over very well (she asked for that recipe, too). The meal was given rave reviews by all and even the children had multiple servings. My friend brought dolmas for an appetizer and a lovely table runner from Turkey as a housewarming gift. We all had a wonderful time, the whole reason for getting together. To clarify some misconceptions, I called my friend in advance of the evening to allow her input into what I was serving because of religious reasons and because I know her children are picky eaters. I never mentioned steak specifically, but I had that idea in the back of my head because I had frozen leftovers from our NYE meal (now I'll probably hear about wanting to serve meat that I bought for another occasion ;) ). Her kind response about all my questions was that I shouldn't make myself tired from preparing the meal. I decided on the salmon because I cook it often, and the chicken in case someone didn't like salmon. I never for one moment thought that my guests deserved something "less" because of how they wanted their meat cooked -- although I appreciate others' responses that it wasn't completely unreasonable for me to change my mind because of the doneness issue. Even if I had served burgers, I don't think that this would have meant my guests were less worthy. Rather, my guests deserved my attention and for me to be less stressed over the meal. PS -- When I asked my friend's son what his favorite food is, he said steak, lol! So when the weather is warmer and the days longer, we'll have them back again and serve "cook your own" steak. But I'm not promising filets. ;) Edited January 18, 2011 by Mama2Three Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Awwww it sounds like you had a nice evening and were a great hostess. I'm so glad that it went so well. Thanks for updating and letting us know. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 So here's a funny.... Today, I think as a direct result of this thread, I was craving a steak. I happen to have several Kansas City fillets in the freezer that I got as a gift, so I took one out to thaw this morning. Come lunch time, I seasoned that baby and popped it into the George Foreman. I was SO looking forward to my medium-temp fillet, but, as luck would have it, I left the darn thing in there too long and WAY overcooked it. As in, it was pretty much well-done. I do NOT eat well done steaks. But I also did not want to throw it out. It was a Kansas City Steaks fillet mignon, after all. So I sucked it up and ate it anyway. Well...guess what? It was really tasty. Not my favorite (because I don't care for well done meat), but the cut itself was SO good that it did not "ruin" the steak. So for all of you who say you prefer well-done meat, and that you absolutely CAN tell the difference in cuts of meat, I now understand. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 So for all of you who say you prefer well-done meat, and that you absolutely CAN tell the difference in cuts of meat, I now understand. :D She's come over to the Charred Side!:party::hurray::party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 She's come over to the Charred Side!:party::hurray::party: HAHAHAHAHAHA:lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyCrazyMama Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 She's come over to the Charred Side!:party::hurray::party: Aka, the dark side. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 So for all of you who say you prefer well-done meat, and that you absolutely CAN tell the difference in cuts of meat, I now understand. :D Thank you. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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