Homeschooled kids are just plain nicer...

[s.z.ichigo]

That's been my rather limited experience, anyway.

 

We've never really gone out and done social activities with other homeschoolers before, but for the last several weeks we've been attending a weekly ice skating get-together at a local arena. Usually there are only a couple of kids there (sometimes it's just us), and they are kindergarten age. My daughter had fun, but would have rather had kids closer to her own age to play with.

Last week she met another 9 year old girl who was just so nice and polite and got along great with mine. My daughter gets along with just about everybody, but if often put off by kids who don't know how to react when a new kid walks up to them, introduces herself, and asks to play. She said that she was bringing some friends this week and this morning there were about a dozen kids there! Most of them were between 9 and 12, I'd guess.

 

This was my first experience seeing other homeschooled kids in a large group. I was really, really impressed! There was no rudeness, no excluding anyone, no shoving/rough play, no picking on the littler kids, no yelling, no swearing.....it was really something. My daughter had absolutely no trouble fitting in, and she just seemed to glow out there like she never does when playing with the kids at the playground.

 

So, even though nobody here was probably there, thanks to to homeschool families everywhere for raising such great kids! :D

[IsabelC]

Glad your experience has been so positive. I wouldn't go quite as far, but my experience matches to some extent.

 

I believe that a big disadvantage of school education is the age segregation. Schools make the child spend most of her time with a large group of other children the same age, and a few adults, but no elders or children of different ages. I think that this discourages children from interacting well with people of all ages, and encourages an imbalance where the peer group simply becomes too important in comparison with other agents of socialization. I have noticed with some of the schooled children we know, after a couple of years of school, they have been taught to reject younger children and children of the opposite sex as playmates.

 

Because school is the societal norm, we are told that this is an inevitable part of child development. A friend of mine, expressing to the teacher some concerns about her first grade daughter's attitude, was told "Oh, that's normal. All the girls get b!tchy at around this age"! No, it's not normal, at least not among the home educated girls we know.

Edited November 18, 2010 by Hotdrink

[MariannNOVA]

So, even though nobody here was probably there, thanks to to homeschool families everywhere for raising such great kids! :D

 

 

How nice of you! Last Thursday, I was getting my three seated at the Smoothie Cafe with Smoothies, etc so I could have my nail appointment next door.

 

An older gentleman came up to me as I waited with them for their order, and he said: 'Thank you for raising such nice children. I can tell that you educate them at home.'

 

About an hour later when they joined me at the nail spa (they came in, sat down, and were all reading quietly) three different people (one was the owner) told me that they are a pleasure to be around.

 

Last Thursday was a good day.

Edited November 18, 2010 by MariannNOVA

[Margo out of lurking]

I agree, in general, homeschooled children who've been hsing for any length of time often stand out in a positive way. My ds has had a great hs/ps kid radar since the time he was very young, and he's right about 95% of the time.

[sagira]

My children get compliments wherever they go, especially as they get along great with everybody. Most homeschooled kids I met are nice, but just recently I met a few that were lacking in the listening department. The lifeguards at the pool were complaining that they never met kids who were so resistant to direction from adults. I was surprised, and when I investigated further, I found out they were all the unschoolers. The good listeners were all homeschooled with some form of structure, whether eclectic, religious, or classical. I thought it was interesting, and not expected. I think parenting has so much to do with it, though.

[s.z.ichigo]

The good listeners were all homeschooled with some form of structure, whether eclectic, religious, or classical. I thought it was interesting, and not expected. I think parenting has so much to do with it, though.

 

That makes total sense to me. Not because unschooling naturally produces unruly kids, but because there probably is a lot of overlap of families who choose to unschool, and families who are more permissive and lack effective discipline. If your school life is totally unstructured, it's likely that your parenting stye is as well, I should think.

[Mrs Mungo]

We were recently in a store and the salesgirl said (out of the blue), "you homeschool, don't you?" I said, "yes, we do, why do you ask?" She said, "your kids are nice."

[Skadi]

This actually played a major part in our decision to homeschool. We believe that the classroom creates a "Lord of the Flies" environment that is psychologically damaging (I like to tell people who bring up the "s" word that it's because of socialization that we don't have them in public school). Kids who spend a lot of time around adults will naturally act differently than kids who spend a lot of time around 25 other kids and just one adult.

[gingersmom]

How long have you been homeschooling?

 

That has not been my experience at all.

 

The nice homeschooled boys at the nature class tried bullying my son something terribly. The nice homeschool mommies just stood by and did nothing even after being told what their precious darlings were doing.

 

I have other stories I could share also.

 

I'm more inclined to believe in Big Foot and the Loch Ness monsters before I believe in perfectly well behaved homeschoolers.

[mommaduck]

In my experience, this is true compared to the general norm, but I have met some very bratty, disobedient, (insert any other negative quality) etc homeschoolers before as well.

[bettyandbob]

Yes, I've seen nice homeschool kids, but I've also seen rotten ones. I've seen kids bully each other at homeschool playground meet ups. I've seen tween homeschool girls form nasty cliques just like your worst middle school nightmare.

 

Homeschool kids have the same range of behavior as public and private school kids.

 

The kids who get compliments on their behavior would probably get compliments if they attended school--that is a combination of kid personality and family teaching.

[ChristusG]

I think you are right. Of course, not EVERY homeschooled child is going to be nice....but I do find them to be a nicer bunch (overall) than kids who attend school.

 

Like someone mentioned, I think school does encourage a "Lord of the Flies" atmosphere.

[Snickerdoodle]

Homeschool kids have the same range of behavior as public and private school kids.

 

This has been our experience too. Some of it has been good, some bad.

[kewb]

It is great that your dd had a great day. It is also great that it is a group of nice kids. In my own experience I have come across a mixed bag. I think it has more to do with parenting then with where the child goes to school.

[Jennifer in MI]

How nice of you! Last Thursday, I was getting my three seated at the Smoothie Case with Smoothies, etc so I could have my nail appointment next door.

 

An older gentleman came up to me as I waited with them for their order, and he said: 'Thank you for raising such nice children. I can tell that you educate them at home.'

 

About an hour later when they joined me at the nail spa (they came in, sat down, and were all reading quietly) three different people (one was the owner) told me that they are a pleasure to be around.

 

Last Thursday was a good day.

 

We were recently in a store and the salesgirl said (out of the blue), "you homeschool, don't you?" I said, "yes, we do, why do you ask?" She said, "your kids are nice."

 

I love these stories!!!! They warm my heart. My 13 and 10 year olds went to a friend's birthday party. The boys in the other family are 10 and 9. That family is always commenting about how nice my kids are. They love that my kids will include their 9 yo. I love that when her boys come over, they include my 4 yo! And, these are public schooled kids! Anyway, the dad called my dh after their party and asked, "What's wrong with your 13 yo?" in a joking way. He then went on to explain that he was just as comfortable talking with the adults at the party as he was the little kids and he was SO impressed! I love hearing these things.

 

We don't have a large group of homeschooled kids nearby. My kids' best friends are a public or private schooled and they are a really nice bunch of kids too!

[Carrie12345]

I really haven't noticed any marked differences in our circles. Our hs'ed friends have a mix of fabulous and rotten kids, and our ps'ed friends have a mix of fabulous and rotten kids.

 

Heck, I have a mix of fabulous and rotten kids (usually within the same bodies). ;)

[Renee in NC]

How long have you been homeschooling?

 

That has not been my experience at all.

 

The nice homeschooled boys at the nature class tried bullying my son something terribly. The nice homeschool mommies just stood by and did nothing even after being told what their precious darlings were doing.

 

I have other stories I could share also.

 

I'm more inclined to believe in Big Foot and the Loch Ness monsters before I believe in perfectly well behaved homeschoolers.

 

We've had the same experience here. My ds has been bullied by several hs boys and most adults don't seem ready to do anything about it.

 

However, in NC are experience with homeschoolers was much more positive. I don't know what the differences are, but there are differences. There are some very nice homeschool families here in FL that we have met, but there have still been a lot of issues and it was almost like culture shock when we first got here.

[Renee in NC]

It is great that your dd had a great day. It is also great that it is a group of nice kids. In my own experience I have come across a mixed bag. I think it has more to do with parenting then with where the child goes to school.

 

:iagree:

 

We've met some good ps kids here (and some not great ones as well.) It does seem to come down to parenting.

[mytwomonkeys]

I really haven't noticed any marked differences in our circles. Our hs'ed friends have a mix of fabulous and rotten kids, and our ps'ed friends have a mix of fabulous and rotten kids.

 

Heck, I have a mix of fabulous and rotten kids (usually within the same bodies). ;)

 

:iagree:

[Michele B]

We were recently in a store and the salesgirl said (out of the blue), "you homeschool, don't you?" I said, "yes, we do, why do you ask?" She said, "your kids are nice."

 

I love that! ;)

 

Maybe because homeschooled children have more adult supervision. Boy, the things I learned on the schoolbus...:ack2:

[Mom in High Heels]

This is one of the many reasons I wanted to hs. IME, hs kids are just more polite. I am always getting compliments when we are out in public over how polite and well behaved and articulate Indy is. It always makes me feel good and makes me so proud of Indy. I'm especially happy when James Bond is with us because he can see how other people view Indy (which just reinforces that hsing is the right choice for us).

[Joanne]

I'm glad your social setting with homeschoolers is working out well!

 

I've worked in local public schools in the last 10 years, I work at a private school (made up of a mix of former homeschoolers, part time homeschoolers and former public school kids), I homeschooled my own until this year.

 

I think some of the "niceness" that might be experienced is nothing more than a ratio of children; adults. In homeschool settings, the ratio is low. That same is true for the school I teach - a school where bullying is rare and where there is a good deal of cohesiveness.

 

I *did* see more grouping, cliques and unkindness when I worked at public school - but I no longer believe the kids were all the different. I think the structure was.

 

I also have to say that, as a sub culture, a group of homeschoolers is more likely than a group of random kids to be robotic, indoctrinated and judgmental.

[Farrar]

My experience has also been that homeschooled kids are mostly nicer. Not every kid and I've seen some homeschooled kids be pretty rude or unruly in a group situation... but the whole quality of the interaction is just different - especially among the kids who have never been to school. I find that when my kids are around schooled kids, there's a whole lot of picking on kids who are younger just because they're younger. Also, the sense of gender conformity is so strong - girls acting like tomboys and boys wearing pink are really picked on. Then there's the sense of disbelief when the adults want to interact with the kids. In my experience, schooled kids are often, especially in a group, shocked that an adult would speak to them whereas the homeschooled kids we know expect that you know their parents and that you're probably going to tell them everything. :D

[Joyofsixreboot]

Sadly not my experience. Some of the most out of control, bullying children I've ever met have been homeschooled kids. You just can't generalize. Good and bad on all sides of the schooling fence.

[kalphs]

That's been my rather limited experience, anyway.

 

We've never really gone out and done social activities with other homeschoolers before, but for the last several weeks we've been attending a weekly ice skating get-together at a local arena. Usually there are only a couple of kids there (sometimes it's just us), and they are kindergarten age. My daughter had fun, but would have rather had kids closer to her own age to play with.

Last week she met another 9 year old girl who was just so nice and polite and got along great with mine. My daughter gets along with just about everybody, but if often put off by kids who don't know how to react when a new kid walks up to them, introduces herself, and asks to play. She said that she was bringing some friends this week and this morning there were about a dozen kids there! Most of them were between 9 and 12, I'd guess.

 

This was my first experience seeing other homeschooled kids in a large group. I was really, really impressed! There was no rudeness, no excluding anyone, no shoving/rough play, no picking on the littler kids, no yelling, no swearing.....it was really something. My daughter had absolutely no trouble fitting in, and she just seemed to glow out there like she never does when playing with the kids at the playground.

 

So, even though nobody here was probably there, thanks to to homeschool families everywhere for raising such great kids! :D

I'm glad you've had a positive experience.

Our experience with the hs groups in our geographical area has been just the opposite.

[TXMomof4]

I think it has more to do with parenting than with hsing. Parents that are disciplined will raise disciplined children. Parents with the expectation that 'kids will be kids' raise kids who, well, act like bratty kids.

 

I do have high expectations of my kids behavior. Many hsers I'm around don't.

[kalphs]

I think it has more to do with parenting than with hsing. Parents that are disciplined will raise disciplined children. Parents with the expectation that 'kids will be kids' raise kids who, well, act like bratty kids.

 

I do have high expectations of my kids behavior. Many hsers I'm around don't.

Good point!

[Jenny in GA]

I'm glad you've had a positive experience.

Our experience with the hs groups in our geographical area has been just the opposite.

 

 

This -- and other similar responses -- are very interesting to me.

 

For those of you who have experienced a lot of unpleasant homeschool behavior, why do you think this is?

 

What I mean is -- What, if anything, do you think the link is because homeschooling and rude. unpleasant behavior?

 

Is it because the kids aren't used to things like lining up and waiting their turn, etc, so they're more egocentric than schooled kids?

 

Is it because homeschooling breeds one-on-one attention, so they're used to being pampered the second they don't understand something?

 

I guess what I'm really to ask is: What homeschooling parenting practices seem to contribute to this? How do the [seemingly poor] parenting styles mesh with homeschooling?

 

(I feel like that still didn't explain it well, but that's the best I can do!)

 

Jenny

[Jenny in GA]

 

I do have high expectations of my kids behavior. Many hsers I'm around don't.

 

Similar to what I just asked above, but can you elaborate?

Jenny

[Jean in Newcastle]

I guess what I'm really to ask is: What homeschooling parenting practices seem to contribute to this? How do the [seemingly poor] parenting styles mesh with homeschooling?

 

 

Some homeschool parents feel that since their children aren't in an institutional setting that they don't need to learn how to do things in order.

 

Some homeschool parents feel that their children will just sort of pick up how to deal with social situations and do not really teach/guide them in how to relate to others. Of course some of the kids do just sort of pick it up, but some don't.

 

Some homeschool parents are so tired of being with their kids 24/7 that when they are out in the group they figure that the "Lord of the Flies" dynamic won't hurt to keep them in line for a while. (Truly - I've had moms tell me this but in different words.)

[Gratia271]

I also have to say that, as a sub culture, a group of homeschoolers is more likely than a group of random kids to be robotic, indoctrinated and judgmental.

 

I have observed this behavior in one group in which oldest DD has participated. It is most unfortunate for these kids.

 

This -- and other similar responses -- are very interesting to me.

 

For those of you who have experienced a lot of unpleasant homeschool behavior, why do you think this is?

 

What I mean is -- What, if anything, do you think the link is because homeschooling and rude. unpleasant behavior?

 

Is it because the kids aren't used to things like lining up and waiting their turn, etc, so they're more egocentric than schooled kids?

 

Is it because homeschooling breeds one-on-one attention, so they're used to being pampered the second they don't understand something?

 

I guess what I'm really to ask is: What homeschooling parenting practices seem to contribute to this? How do the [seemingly poor] parenting styles mesh with homeschooling?

 

(I feel like that still didn't explain it well, but that's the best I can do!)

 

Jenny

 

Poor behavior could be attributed to lack of boundaries, structure, authority, etc... The only outrageous behavior I have witnessed is with older boys and their treatment of others. The women in this one particular HS group DD attended are abject failures in reigning in boys. Their excuse for permitting these jerks to stay in class derives from their belief that females correcting males over age 7 is emasculating. As such, the boys are in charge (wait until they hit reality where Mommy isn't "in charge").

 

On a larger scale within HS community, most of our experience has been positive.

[Sparkle]

My experience has been similar. Most of the homeschooling families I'm around are great, and I enjoy the kids very much. The ones who weren't so great were usually due to parents who didn't seem to oversee or discipline their kids.

 

I know quite a few ps kids who are great as well, which is good because otherwise my two older kids wouldn't have any friends. I know it boils down to parenting. But I am very impressed in general with the homeschooled kids I know.

[kalphs]

This -- and other similar responses -- are very interesting to me.

 

For those of you who have experienced a lot of unpleasant homeschool behavior, why do you think this is?

 

What I mean is -- What, if anything, do you think the link is because homeschooling and rude. unpleasant behavior?

 

Is it because the kids aren't used to things like lining up and waiting their turn, etc, so they're more egocentric than schooled kids?

 

Is it because homeschooling breeds one-on-one attention, so they're used to being pampered the second they don't understand something?

 

I guess what I'm really to ask is: What homeschooling parenting practices seem to contribute to this? How do the [seemingly poor] parenting styles mesh with homeschooling?

 

(I feel like that still didn't explain it well, but that's the best I can do!)

 

Jenny

The parents themselves are undisciplined, rude, unpleasant, egocentric, hence the children have learned the same behavior.

For these parents and children to be told "No" is catastrophic in their mind because they have been raised to believe "the world revolves around me."

When we lived in the major university city this wasn't an issue.

However in our present geographical location the populace has the "entitlement mentality" and it has crept into the hs groups.

It's interesting how the local hs group has changed within the past year.

Initially the group was made up of parents who wanted a quality education for their children.

Now it's turned upside down.

The membership mainly consists of children who have been expelled from the public and private schools for lack of self discipline issues.

Edited November 19, 2010 by kalphs

[kalphs]

Some homeschool parents feel that since their children aren't in an institutional setting that they don't need to learn how to do things in order.

 

Some homeschool parents feel that their children will just sort of pick up how to deal with social situations and do not really teach/guide them in how to relate to others. Of course some of the kids do just sort of pick it up, but some don't.

 

Some homeschool parents are so tired of being with their kids 24/7 that when they are out in the group they figure that the "Lord of the Flies" dynamic won't hurt to keep them in line for a while. (Truly - I've had moms tell me this but in different words.)

:iagree:

[cjbeach]

I have received a lot of really + comments about my children's manners. I think it comes down to parenting as everyone else said.

 

We found a hs social group recently with a great group of kids. We're thrilled about that. Neighborhood kids are a whole other story. I can really see the difference in parenting when I have kids in my house (which is very, very often and a LOT of them).

 

My neighbor has used the politeness of my daughter to add to her continued homeschool bashing (let me set the scene here: she bashes my daughter's politeness as she and her hubby sit on their beach chairs chain-smoking and drinking beer from 5pm on with their 9mo old in a bouncer between them as they wait for their nightly take-out delivery for dinner). Bash away dear neighbor, bash away...

[kalphs]

I have received a lot of really + comments about my children's manners. I think it comes down to parenting as everyone else said.

 

We found a hs social group recently with a great group of kids. We're thrilled about that. Neighborhood kids are a whole other story. I can really see the difference in parenting when I have kids in my house (which is very, very often and a LOT of them).

 

My neighbor has used the politeness of my daughter to add to her continued homeschool bashing (let me set the scene here: she bashes my daughter's politeness as she and her hubby sit on their beach chairs chain-smoking and drinking beer from 5pm on with their 9mo old in a bouncer between them as they wait for their nightly take-out delivery for dinner). Bash away dear neighbor, bash away...

:iagree:

We've had a simliar situation except sadly it involves family members who are doing the bashing.

Hugs!

[katemary63]

The kids in our co-op are all great with very few exceptions. In our co-op, we take monthly field trips. We ALWAYS get gobs of compliments from everywhere we go. Some people at these locations say that the difference between a homeschool group of kids and ps group is staggering. Our kids always get to do extra things because of their behavior that the places say they couldn't do with the ps kids. We even had a birthday party with a huge group of homeschool girls at a gymnasium. The lady couldn't believe how well behaved our group was and let them do all kinds of things other groups can't do. She went on and on.

 

My DH and I teach Sunday School at our church. These kids are monsters compared to our co-op kids. It's just the fact. I could teach more to a group of 50 homeschoolers then I can to 10 kids in SS class at my church. These SS kids are kids with GREAT parents. I know, they are my friends and they are wonderful parents. They are morified by their kid's behavior, but it's what they learn in school. It's normal to them. My DD hates Sunday school because of the way the kids behave. Often, she'd rather not go. She is used to a much better environment where kids are respectful and friendly. Even my DH can see the difference from a mile away.

 

Homeschooling ROCKS.

Edited November 19, 2010 by katemary63

[flyingiguana]

Unfortunately, most of the homeschoolers we ran into early on were real brats, so we stayed away from homeschool events and groups. (In some groups, I didn't even feel my kids were physically safe.) In some of these families, the parents seemed completely clueless. In others, the parents had the attitude that they were homeschooling their kid precisely because he/she was God's gift to the world and the rest of us had better conform to that belief. (To be fair, I see this sometimes in public school families as well.)

 

However, I have had loads of people compliment my kids' behavior and point out that THEY thought it was the homeschooling that did this, so they must have run into different homeschoolers than we did.

 

Also, our original experiences may have been when homeschooling wasn't quite so mainstream. The normal people maybe weren't quite so much in evidence yet.

[idnib]

Often, she'd rather not go. She is used to a much better environment where kids are respectful and friendly. Even my DH can see the difference from a mile away.

 

Yes, Islamic school on Sundays is DS's main exposure to non-HS kids. And he doesn't like to go because of the way they behave. It's sad because he likes the content (which is the point, right?) but then to have him turned off...

[Erica in PA]

That's been my rather limited experience, anyway.

 

We've never really gone out and done social activities with other homeschoolers before, but for the last several weeks we've been attending a weekly ice skating get-together at a local arena. Usually there are only a couple of kids there (sometimes it's just us), and they are kindergarten age. My daughter had fun, but would have rather had kids closer to her own age to play with.

Last week she met another 9 year old girl who was just so nice and polite and got along great with mine. My daughter gets along with just about everybody, but if often put off by kids who don't know how to react when a new kid walks up to them, introduces herself, and asks to play. She said that she was bringing some friends this week and this morning there were about a dozen kids there! Most of them were between 9 and 12, I'd guess.

 

This was my first experience seeing other homeschooled kids in a large group. I was really, really impressed! There was no rudeness, no excluding anyone, no shoving/rough play, no picking on the littler kids, no yelling, no swearing.....it was really something. My daughter had absolutely no trouble fitting in, and she just seemed to glow out there like she never does when playing with the kids at the playground.

 

So, even though nobody here was probably there, thanks to to homeschool families everywhere for raising such great kids! :D

 

I agree with you! Of course everyone knows that there are great p.s. kids, and awful homeschooled kids, but as a group I have found that homeschooled kids are much nicer. When my kids play with the neighborhood kids here, they have problems and face issues that they have never faced with their homeschooled friends. I'm sure my kids would be more that way if they were in public school too-- the sheer number of hours spent away from home, away from moral instruction, and in the dog eat dog social world of public school is bound to have some effect.