I wish I could take this day back for my 9yo.

[Renee in NC]

He started school today. The registrar assured me that the teachers had been informed of their special needs, so I didn't take up the teachers' time just before school to talk about it.

 

I don't know what they were told, but even though I ASSURED my 9yo that his teacher knew he couldn't read, she didn't. He had to tell her and her response (too loudly for him - the other students around him heard her) was, "You can't READ?":glare: At some other point, he asked her for help and he was told he had to do it for himself. Poor kid!

 

At some point he ended up in the office, crying. I was not called - the secretary told me when I stopped in to ask another question. I have to find out exactly what happened - at times his language issues get in the way of story re-tellings, especially when he is upset.

 

I hope it was a miscommunication and she really just didn't know. I was under the impression that he was going to have help in the room. He said there was another lady there most of the day, but she was doing stuff for the teacher, not helping him.

 

I am just so sad for him!

[Sahamamama]

:grouphug: I am so sorry this happened to your son (and you). I hope it gets better.

[RamonaQ]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: What a rough day. I hope you can get some answers and tomorrow will be better.

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[merry gardens]

Wow Renee, I'm shocked. That didn't sound anything at all like what I expected to read based on what you wrote the other day. How horrible and embarrassing for your son! :grouphug:

[scrapbookbuzz]

So sorry that that teacher obviously didn't know how to bite her tongue! Goodness!

[jg_puppy]

:grouphug: That makes me so sad. I hope that tomorrow is a much better day.

 

Jan

[peacefully]

Ugh. Former classroom teacher here, and I just cringe to hear stories like this. I'm so sad that your son went through that, and I'm wishing him a much, MUCH better day tomorrow. :grouphug: Shame on that teacher for her tactless response. :glare:

[Renee in NC]

Wow Renee, I'm shocked. That didn't sound anything at all like what I expected to read based on what you wrote the other day. How horrible and embarrassing for your son! :grouphug:

 

I was surprised, too. I am going with the assumption that there was a miscommunication somewhere. I plan to talk to the asst. principal this morning to see what we can do to make his adjustment easier. The likelihood is that he is changing schools in a couple of weeks, so it seems harsh to make him be miserable for 3 weeks while this is handled.

 

Ugh. Former classroom teacher here, and I just cringe to hear stories like this. I'm so sad that your son went through that, and I'm wishing him a much, MUCH better day tomorrow. :grouphug: Shame on that teacher for her tactless response. :glare:

 

I am assuming the best about the teacher. I imagine as a 3rd grade teacher she rarely sees severe special needs kids - they are "siphoned off" before they get that far. Add to that the fact that she didn't know he couldn't read and I can understand her response. I will say, however, that two different educators I spoke too last night were just SICK for him.

 

He says he is not going. Then he tells me if I make him go he is packing his stuff and leaving (to walk home.) Hopefully he won't do this!

[Renee in NC]

I did talk to the asst. principal today and the teachers did *not* know - where the breakdown in communication occurred I don't know. If I had known they didn't know, I would have told her!:glare:

 

The problem is that the school can't recognize his diagnosis until it is approved at the county office (that the test was done by a licensed psychologist, includes all the necessary items, etc.) Because of that, they are regular ed students until that is complete (a couple of weeks.)

 

She is going to provide a copy of the "unofficial" report to his teacher and talk to her. She was sorry that he had such a rough day and she can see why this was an issue. She *did* start the ball rolling before they go there - they have both been added to intervention groups (for kids with reading issues) and I had "permission to evaluate" forms to sign at the end of the day yesterday.

 

This will all pass, but it is so hard on him now!

[specialmama]

:grouphug: Renee, my mama's heart is just breaking for you and your boy. :grouphug: Praying for a quick resolution and that your boy's heart heals even quicker.

[EKS]

Reading this broke my heart. I am so sorry this happened and hope that things improve drastically from here. I will be thinking of your son.

[JennW in SoCal]

:grouphug: Renee, my mama's heart is just breaking for you and your boy. :grouphug: Praying for a quick resolution and that your boy's heart heals even quicker.

 

:iagree: And another :grouphug:

 

My mama's heart is breaking for you and your ds too. You are a very supportive and sensitive mom, and I know taking this step was huge. To have the first day be such a nightmare is, well, a nightmare.

 

It sounds like you are handling it all with a level grace and aplomb when it would be so easy to be screaming shrewishly at the entire staff! I'm in awe.

[Renee in NC]

:iagree: And another :grouphug:

 

My mama's heart is breaking for you and your ds too. You are a very supportive and sensitive mom, and I know taking this step was huge. To have the first day be such a nightmare is, well, a nightmare.

 

It sounds like you are handling it all with a level grace and aplomb when it would be so easy to be screaming shrewishly at the entire staff! I'm in awe.

 

He told me when we got in the van yesterday. My first reaction was, "We are going to talk to your teacher NOW!" He insisted that I not do that - he knew I was mad!:lol: I am glad I didn't. I sent a note into his teacher outlining what reading he *could* do and for her to call me if she had any ideas about how to make this a smooth transition.

[Renee in NC]

The teacher told me she did know and had read the report before he came to her class!!!!!!!!

 

She says that he is not allowed to say, "I can't." He cannot sit there and do nothing, so he has to do the work. He cannot ask for help - he has to do the work himself. She says she is a strict teacher and won't put up with it.

 

She has given me a first grade reading book to use with him. She wants him to memorize the words (and said I should go online and print off sight word lists for him.)

 

I don't know *how* I am supposed to feel about this. He got fussed at for not bringing his homework in today - he had 6 pages of spelling to do. I didn't know that he was supposed to do all 6 pages (it took him 45 minutes to do ONE page.)

 

I left there feeling like it is my fault he is the way he is. If he had been in school all this time then it wouldn't have happened.

 

Now he has all of last night's homework to do and tonight's.:glare:

[FairProspects]

I think its time for an IEP meeting or conference with the Principal. It is absolutely unnecessary for a "strict teacher" to humiliate a student before the class. The school's goals for your ds should be clearly stated in his IEP or 504 plan and everyone should be on the same page, including the student. I would call for an IEP meeting ASAP. This is NOT how the teacher/school should be treating a SN student.

 

I'm sorry!:grouphug: I definately do not think it is your fault. I think the teacher's expectations are out of line and need to be adjusted. Hope you can work it out!

[Harriet Vane]

I think its time for an IEP meeting or conference with the Principal. It is absolutely unnecessary for a "strict teacher" to humiliate a student before the class. The school's goals for your ds should be clearly stated in his IEP or 504 plan and everyone should be on the same page, including the student. I would call for an IEP meeting ASAP. This is NOT how the teacher/school should be treating a SN student.

 

I'm sorry!:grouphug: I definately do not think it is your fault. I think the teacher's expectations are out of line and need to be adjusted. Hope you can work it out!

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Do not comply with this teacher. She's wrong.

[Whereneverever]

The teacher told me she did know and had read the report before he came to her class!!!!!!!!

 

She says that he is not allowed to say, "I can't." He cannot sit there and do nothing, so he has to do the work. He cannot ask for help - he has to do the work himself. She says she is a strict teacher and won't put up with it.

 

She has given me a first grade reading book to use with him. She wants him to memorize the words (and said I should go online and print off sight word lists for him.)

 

I don't know *how* I am supposed to feel about this. He got fussed at for not bringing his homework in today - he had 6 pages of spelling to do. I didn't know that he was supposed to do all 6 pages (it took him 45 minutes to do ONE page.)

 

I left there feeling like it is my fault he is the way he is. If he had been in school all this time then it wouldn't have happened.

 

Now he has all of last night's homework to do and tonight's.:glare:

:grouphug: There is a difference between strict and being unkind. She sounds unkind to me.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[Renee in NC]

I think its time for an IEP meeting or conference with the Principal. It is absolutely unnecessary for a "strict teacher" to humiliate a student before the class. The school's goals for your ds should be clearly stated in his IEP or 504 plan and everyone should be on the same page, including the student. I would call for an IEP meeting ASAP. This is NOT how the teacher/school should be treating a SN student.

 

I'm sorry!:grouphug: I definately do not think it is your fault. I think the teacher's expectations are out of line and need to be adjusted. Hope you can work it out!

 

He doesn't have an IEP yet. We had the testing done privately. I have submitted the results and they have been sent to the county for approval (standard procedure for private testing.) He will have an IEP in a few weeks, once we get through all the red tape. I can't call for an IEP meeting because right now he is classified as a regular education student, not special ed.

 

Dh thinks that the teacher wants him transferred out of her class and is making sure that happens. I was hoping he could stay in a regular class over a self-contained classroom, but now I am not so sure. I don't want the school settling for the level a child with a 62 IQ would have, but I don't want him being so incredibly frustrated either.

 

This child has never been a crier - anger, yes. He has cried two days in a row now. His teacher said that after she had another talk with him this afternoon he "shaped up" and started "trying."

 

Dh is doing homework with him. We have decided he will do the page he didnt finish today at school, one page from yesterday, and tonight's homework. The other pages will have to wait.

[Mom0012]

Can't you just keep him home until his services kick in and he's placed in the correct classroom? Or is it some requirement of the school's that he must be there on a regular basis before they will process his paperwork? It hardly seems worth it to put him through all this if he's going to be moved in a few weeks anyway.

 

Lisa

[VinNY]

His teacher said that after she had another talk with him this afternoon he "shaped up" and started "trying."

 

 

Yes, and that was all he needed to do the past three years..shape up and try harder.:confused:

 

Sounds like bullying words to me.

 

Sorry this is happening to him. I truly hope things get better sooner rather than later.

[EKS]

The teacher told me she did know and had read the report before he came to her class!!!!!!!!

 

She says that he is not allowed to say, "I can't." He cannot sit there and do nothing, so he has to do the work. He cannot ask for help - he has to do the work himself. She says she is a strict teacher and won't put up with it.

 

She has given me a first grade reading book to use with him. She wants him to memorize the words (and said I should go online and print off sight word lists for him.)

 

I don't know *how* I am supposed to feel about this. He got fussed at for not bringing his homework in today - he had 6 pages of spelling to do. I didn't know that he was supposed to do all 6 pages (it took him 45 minutes to do ONE page.)

 

I left there feeling like it is my fault he is the way he is. If he had been in school all this time then it wouldn't have happened.

 

Now he has all of last night's homework to do and tonight's.:glare:

 

This sounds absolutely horrific.

 

Is it at all possible that this teacher believes that your son's only special need is that he was inadequately homeschooled?

 

Also, does the school have a homework policy, something like 10 minutes per grade? If so, I would have him work for whatever length they state and then call it quits.

 

I would also consider having a discussion with the principal. This teacher's actions are beyond awful.

[cat]

Teachers really should be mindful of what they say to a child! What they say to a child could be written on their slate of who they are to become! She should have never said this to any child at any time for any reason! She should have listened to him and then helped him with reading it. As a teacher, it is her duty/job to teach him and get him help.

 

Shame on her! I do believe positive comes with mistakes we all make in life and I hope she learned a few lessons that can be a positive thing for future students.

[PrincessAriel]

As a former classroom teacher with a couple of SN kids now, I am so sorry she treated your son like that. There is just no excuse. However, I am not surprised as I have run into a couple of those types back when I taught. If she isn't going to help, what is she there for?? Sounds like she chose the wrong profession. I truly hope things improve for him. Just think of all the kids who do not have a great mom like you to advocate for them. He is very blessed to have you for his mom!

[Renee in NC]

This sounds absolutely horrific.

 

Is it at all possible that this teacher believes that your son's only special need is that he was inadequately homeschooled?

 

Also, does the school have a homework policy, something like 10 minutes per grade? If so, I would have him work for whatever length they state and then call it quits.

 

I would also consider having a discussion with the principal. This teacher's actions are beyond awful.

 

Yes, I do think that is what she thinks. I am not sure how "inadequately homeschooled" causes developmental delays from age 10 months on, though.:glare:

[pdalley]

The teacher told me she did know and had read the report before he came to her class!!!!!!!!

 

She says that he is not allowed to say, "I can't." He cannot sit there and do nothing, so he has to do the work. He cannot ask for help - he has to do the work himself. She says she is a strict teacher and won't put up with it.

 

She has given me a first grade reading book to use with him. She wants him to memorize the words (and said I should go online and print off sight word lists for him.)

 

I don't know *how* I am supposed to feel about this. He got fussed at for not bringing his homework in today - he had 6 pages of spelling to do. I didn't know that he was supposed to do all 6 pages (it took him 45 minutes to do ONE page.)

 

I left there feeling like it is my fault he is the way he is. If he had been in school all this time then it wouldn't have happened.

 

Now he has all of last night's homework to do and tonight's.:glare:

 

She sounds like she's in the Hall of Shame with the Principal who told a friend of mine they didn't have to 'follow that law'. That law being IDEA. Later she told my friend they didn't have to follow ADA either.

 

This is why my special needs kids will go back to the local ps over my dead body and I do mean that quite literally. This teacher is a bully.

 

Hugs to you. I know how gut wrench this is. Been there - done that.

[Renee in NC]

She sounds like she's in the Hall of Shame with the Principal who told a friend of mine they didn't have to 'follow that law'. That law being IDEA. Later she told my friend they didn't have to follow ADA either.

 

This is why my special needs kids will go back to the local ps over my dead body and I do mean that quite literally. This teacher is a bully.

 

Hugs to you. I know how gut wrench this is. Been there - done that.

 

He just told me that she asked him whether his mother had taught him anything. I am so upset for him! What kind of a person does that to a child?

 

Why does this have to be so hard?

Edited September 15, 2010 by Renee in FL

[Tree House Academy]

He just told me that she asked him whether his mother had taught him anything. I am so upset for him! What kind of a person does that to a child?

 

Why does this have to be so hard?

 

 

I would pull him out of that school so fast, their heads would spin...but not before that teacher's head did some ROLLING. GRR! I am mad for you.

 

Having had a son who had behavioral issues and special needs in public school, I remember all too well how many times I had to go to the school and let them have it over him or something that was done to him. Special needs kids really take a lot of work in ps. Parents who send them to school thinking it will just be okay and the school will love them and respect their needs are so mistaken. I learned that the hard way. I fought for my son, sometimes DAILY. It was hard and I am so glad it is OVER!

 

My heart aches for your son and rages for you! I know how pissed I would be. LET HER HAVE IT!

[pdalley]

He just told me that she asked him whether his mother had taught him anything. I am so upset for him! What kind of a person does that to a child?

 

Why does this have to be so hard?

 

 

She needs to be reported. Now. That is inexcusable.

 

My now 11 year old confessed to me last year that his first grade teacher screamed at him daily and once threw him across a room. Yes, he had an IEP, yes, I thought I was on top of things at the school. I spent more time at the school than at home when the boys were there.

 

Is there a parent advocate you can call? I had the autism society's parent advocate go with me into the schools. It came to the point that we realized if our boys (all three had IEPS) were to stay in the public schools we'd need a lawyer.

 

This teacher disgusts me. Does she really think he'll learn anything from her than how to feel small and worthless?

[chiguirre]

:grouphug:

 

I think you'll have to go to school with him tomorrow and camp out in the principal's office until he's reassigned, either to Resource Room or to another regular teacher who will read and apply the information contained in his testing. I'd also contact your local ARC and see if they can get you an advocate, because I think you're going to need one.

[Renee in NC]

:grouphug:

 

I think you'll have to go to school with him tomorrow and camp out in the principal's office until he's reassigned, either to Resource Room or to another regular teacher who will read and apply the information contained in his testing. I'd also contact your local ARC and see if they can get you an advocate, because I think you're going to need one.

 

I am going to speak to the principal again this morning. This is ridiculous! He says that most of the kids don't want to talk to him because of all this. I am sure the teacher will deny it all, but I don't care anymore.

[rhettsmommy]

My heart and tears go out to you and your son. My ds had a similar experience w/a ps teacher (put in ps last year by recom. of therapist, he stayed for 2 mo...2 mo too long)...teacher thought it was funny to ask ds, "What's wrong with you, did your MOMMY (3rd grade) forget to give you your meds this morning?" DS is supposedly ADHD but has BP symptoms. Not trying to hijack the thread, just attempting to give comfort from someone who's been there also.

[pdalley]

I am going to speak to the principal again this morning. This is ridiculous! He says that most of the kids don't want to talk to him because of all this. I am sure the teacher will deny it all, but I don't care anymore.

 

Stand your ground! This woman is verbally abusive and shouldn't be in a classroom for ANY kid IMO.

 

Most of the boys' teachers were wonderful but there was one bad apple like this. Our issues usually concerned the administrators who just did not get the whole IDEA thing or didn't want to.

[merry gardens]

I am going to speak to the principal again this morning. This is ridiculous! He says that most of the kids don't want to talk to him because of all this. I am sure the teacher will deny it all, but I don't care anymore.

I'll keep you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.

[VinNY]

I'll keep you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Me,too:grouphug:

[Renee in NC]

I talked to the asst. principal this morning and aired my concerns. She was going to talk to the teacher today. There *are* some accomodations that he could be receiving without the IEP and she is going to address those with the teacher.

 

I told her it isn't as if we have been sitting around doing nothing for the past 4 years! I also pointed out that I realize that he doesn't present as a child with a 62 IQ. I think the receptive/expressive language issues got in the way of the IQ test - she agreed that it can greatly influence the results.

 

Hopefully today will be better than yesterday. I also hope that the teacher isn't taking it out on him that I talked to the AP *again* this morning. My concern is that he feel some level of success and adjusts best that he can.

[Dobela]

:grouphug: There is a difference between strict and being unkind. She sounds unkind to me.

:iagree: He can't ask for help??? I can't believe a teacher said that!!! I taught for several years and I never heard one say that, even some of the most difficult teachers (as in not very nurturing) wanted the kids to ask them for help!

[LizzyBee]

:iagree: He can't ask for help??? I can't believe a teacher said that!!! I taught for several years and I never heard one say that, even some of the most difficult teachers (as in not very nurturing) wanted the kids to ask them for help!

 

When my middle dd was in ps kindergarten, she was supposed to be able to write 3 sentences independently. This was a huge, ongoing issue because she was not ready to write and was later diagnosed with a writing disability, but her teacher was convinced that she was perfectly capable. Anyway, one day I told dd that she could ask for help with spelling (because that's what the teacher told me), and dd looked at me just as serious as a heart attack and said, "Oh no, we have to do it independently." Obviously, the teacher told her one thing and told me something else.

[simka2]

How did yesterday go? You guys have been in my thoughts!

[elise1mds]

I am FUMING for you. I dealt with a K teacher for my son who didn't understand his needs and didn't really make accommodations, but she was NOTHING compared to what you're dealing with. I would be breaking out the tape recorder and bringing it in in my purse and quoting her on some of those statements. If she's the vindictive bully it sounds like she is, I could totally see her going after him because you're an attentive parent who cares about your son's education and trying to do the best for him.

 

What an awful, awful situation. I hope you're able to make some progress and get the reports into the school ASAP.

 

:grouphug:

[nevergiveup]

How do you know for sure that his IQ is 62? I would never never never talk about that score to the teachers. I know for a fact that lots of children with learning disabilities do not score well on the IQ test and receive an artificially low score. I also know that some teachers get ahold of that number and then never challenge the child thinking that he is "low" and, therefore, not capable.

[Renee in NC]

How do you know for sure that his IQ is 62? I would never never never talk about that score to the teachers. I know for a fact that lots of children with learning disabilities do not score well on the IQ test and receive an artificially low score. I also know that some teachers get ahold of that number and then never challenge the child thinking that he is "low" and, therefore, not capable.

 

The likelihood is that my ds's score isn't 62, but I don't see how that is relevent to the current conversation?:confused: He reads and does math at a first grade level because of his learning issues, whatever they are. The testing done that will get him services he needs tells me that is what his IQ is (and I won't throw them out as invalid because that would not help him at all.) His language function is on about the 5th percentile overall. He is now officially diagnosed ADD and is most likely dyslexic.

 

The teacher doesn't have lowered expectations but rather has decided that his "problems" stem from poor teaching and little effort on his part. She wants him to perform at grade level and making him feel worse than he already does. The fact that he couldn't count to 10 a year ago doesn't matter to her - she is frustrated that he can't do 3rd grade math.

 

You can't send a severely LD child to school and not tell his teacher what test results have said. I think then it would be even worse for him!

 

ETA: The people who matter at the school are aware of the fact that his language issues have most likely impacted his IQ scores. The only importance of that number is that it makes him qualified for much, much more. As his psych said today, it is better to be a 62 than a 71!

Edited September 16, 2010 by Renee in FL

[Renee in NC]

How did yesterday go? You guys have been in my thoughts!

 

Things are better. She has quit pressuring him to perform, but is rather giving him things that he *can* complete.

 

For example, today the 3rd graders had a timed addition test. Instead of expecting him to do it, she gave it to him later *untimed.* He was able to complete most of it that way.

 

They had to write something and she had him tell her what he was thinking and she wrote it for him.

 

He said she is still "mean" but things are better.

[Virg]

I am glad it is getting better! My son has some of the same issues. BTW I am SO with you on the IQ thing! My FAS step-daughter's IQ is just above cut-off and so she gets no help at all, in any form even though she has no abstract thought process. We will continue to be thinking of you and your family! :grouphug:

[nevergiveup]

I mentioned IQ because it could potentially make things worse for him in the future, and I totally base that on experience with our school system--I certainly do not know what yours are like. I know of two kids who had undergone testing at the school and were just shuttled down to the Resource Room to do worksheets all day. I heard a teacher say, "Well, that is all we are having him do because he is 'low'." Anyone who met the child would know differently.

I am glad to hear that everything is going better.

[Renee in NC]

I mentioned IQ because it could potentially make things worse for him in the future, and I totally base that on experience with our school system--I certainly do not know what yours are like. I know of two kids who had undergone testing at the school and were just shuttled down to the Resource Room to do worksheets all day. I heard a teacher say, "Well, that is all we are having him do because he is 'low'." Anyone who met the child would know differently.

I am glad to hear that everything is going better.

 

I know what you mean, but I am not sure how to avoid the IQ score. If I didn't give them the test scores, they would test them themselves. We are willing to do whatever it takes to make him successful, so even if they did send off to resource to do worksheets, I would make sure he got what he needed some other way.

[Renee in NC]

Update on the teacher:

 

My aunt got her assistant to ask her neighbor (who is a 4th grade teacher at the school) for the scoop.:tongue_smilie: This is her first year teaching at the school and the teacher wasn't sure where she came from. She admitted that the teacher was a "stickler for structure" and almost military-like in her classroom management. OTOH, she has been dealt a rough hand - there are other special needs kids in her room as well as two kids who don't speak English well. If she is a first year teacher, they did her a terrible injustice.

 

Also, we went to Open House tonight and witnessed first hand that she is not singling my ds out - she is not nice to ANYONE. She told a girl's mother that, "She doesn't have that assignment on her desk because she didn't turn it in. That's what she's good for - starting an assignment, not finishing it, then losing it" in a very snotty tone. My dh said he overheard her say something else equally snotty to another student.

 

OTOH, my 7yo and 6yo's teachers were great! My 7yo is doing so well and I have hope that his difficulties won't be as severe as my 9yo's.

[elise1mds]

Wow. What a rough situation all around. I think it has to be a relief in some ways to know it's not just your child she's targeting that way, although obviously her handling of situations still needs a LOT of work. I hope things continue to go smoothly and your son gets to the point where he is able to enjoy school. Poor guy. He deserves a patient teacher who can truly encourage him to reach his potential without making him feel bad. And you deserve a break from being an advocate 24/7!

[Laurie4b]

Renee, since the teacher embarrassed your son in front of other students, and he's only going to be at the school for 3 weeks, can you ask to have him placed in a different classroom until then? I can totally see not wanting to return to the scene of a humiliation.

 

I would also, for the sake of other kids, make sure the person responsible for breakdown of communication knows how much your son was hurt.

 

I am very sorry that this happened to him on his first day.