lisabees Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Isn't she sweet? She is terrified of me hs my rising junior (for the first time) and offered to keep him for two years, while he attends her local public school!!!!!!! She made tons of calls and research, talked to my fil and sil about it, and they all agreed that it would be for the best. I was stunned. Not sure whether to laugh or cry!!!!! I said nicely, "So you're offering another public school for him to go to? That's what he's running away from." She said, "You know there are public schools and then there are public schools. Ours in considered the best in the state. In your limited experience, you might not know that." I replied that in her limited experience, which I fully understand, she cannot possibly know the many options and benefits out there for homeschoolers. Biting my tongue extra hard, I thanked her for loving my son enough to offer that and then proceeded to tell her our reasons and plans for keeping ds home. This is going to be a long road. I hope we prove to her that hs is the right thing for ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 I'm so glad you stood your ground on this! It can be a tough topic to openly discuss in families because there are so many wrong impressions out there of hs'ers. My parents gave up on commenting on our decision to hs our children as it became obvious I was going to become defensive everytime about it. Then my in laws well...:glare:love em dearly! BUT one is a sunday school teacher and has been for many many years and then another in law was an elementary school teacher for 15 years. Let's just say they are NOT very excited that we're hs'ing. I find it sad! One of my in-laws...the school teacher said "It's harder to teach your own children that it is others"...I found this very offensive! Call me a dork. And like you, I stood my ground and said...nope I don't agree with that at all. I just think you have to adapt to the way your child learns. I am NOT able to teach both of my school aged children the same way. They are different leaners. She said well most kids don't get to be spoiled while taught..:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 :lol: I'm sorry - I know there's a very scary element that isn't funny, but it's amazing what people will do to save kids from home schooling!!! :lol: Might be time to think ahead and see if that offer will still be valid in two years. You can save a fortune on college room and board. :D Maybe you can tell them that there's home schooling and then there's home schooling. And the later one requires just the right curriculum and educational opportunities, which of course do involve considerable cost. Maybe the more you try to involve them, the more they'll leave you on your own. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda in MA Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Lisa, My in-laws made a similar offer when we started homeschooling, but since they live near us, it involved them pulling strings to get my then to be 5th grader into a local parochial school. We were trying to get him out of a school environment, and we appreciated their concern, but continued with homeschooling anyway. Fastforward 10 years later, and ds did wonderfully at home and in his freshman year at college. The in-laws are now very supportive. Hopefully, you'll have a similar story to tell in a few years. Best wishes, Brenda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starwarsmomma Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 OH-- MY-- GOODNESS! LOL You are a MUCH better person than I am-- you handled it perfectly and gracefully. Wow-- I woulda probably hand'ed it wrong, very wrong. I'm not good at that kind of thing. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Photo Ninja Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 She is demonstrating her love for him in the best way she can and this was probably a sacrificial offer on her part. She just doesn't understand the benefits hsing will offer your ds - yet. But over time, she may well become your greatest supporter as she sees the benefit in your ds's life and realizes that hsing is not the scary, harmful thing she may think it is. Since she did research into her ps, do you think she would be willing to research hsing, too? Perhaps you could give her a couple books on hsing and let her know that you would like to discuss them with her. If that would send her over the edge, then sit back, bite your tongue when necessary, continue on your path of hsing, and let the results convince her. Many of us have had family members questioning our decision to hs, but over time they realized how beneficial hsing has been for their beloved family member. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoriM Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 My in-laws never did understand our decision to home school, and never considered what we did at home "school" at all. They did not acknowledge our daughters' high school graduations, or validate the work they did in any way through the years. However, once they began attending college, they rewarded them heavily for good grades (at about $100 per A!), and praised them mightily for being scholars. My daughters, who are sweet and gracious, have each found a time at the Thanksgiving table to thank us for the magnificent foundation they received at home that prepared them for higher learning, and for the other benefits they enjoyed while homeschooling. Yes, in front of the grandparents...who still describe what we did as "taking our kids out of school" when they were young. LOL--I suppose the girls magically learned all they needed for life. Too bad that doesn't work for kids everywhere, huh? You handled your situation beautifully. Don't defend your choice, other than to say, "This is the best choice for our family." And then make it the best choice for your family! Enjoy your precious time together--they grow up SO VERY FAST. Lori Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisabees Posted July 21, 2010 Author Share Posted July 21, 2010 Thank you all for sharing your stories and encouragement! I knew I wouldn't be alone. To me, it's one thing that she dislikes our plans and tells us so. It's another to make arrangements for my son to live with them for two years, without ever having a real discussion about homeschooling with me at all! Oh well, in a few days, I'll be able to laugh about this more easily. I know I certainly had preconceived ideas and stereotypes about hs and many have been shattered. Mamaofblessings, your idea about involving her a little bit might help all of us. MIL, of course, was a public school teacher her entire life. I truly understand why she would have concerns. The more she is informed about hs, the more she may understand. I told ds about the conversation, to prepare him for her phone call. Poor kid couldn't stop laughing and saying, "This is a joke, right? Does she not understand WHY I'm coming home?" And that's the point. She had no idea why, as we have never really discussed it. And yet she goes to the extreme of planning out his future. Aahhh. I need to stop thinking about this. It will make me more angry. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie in VA Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Biting my tongue extra hard, I thanked her for loving my son enough to offer that* and then proceeded to tell her our reasons and plans for keeping ds home. *Where I would have stopped, iow: "Biting my tongue extra hard, I thanked her for loving my son enough to offer that." No need to defend your position, girlfriend!!! Less said, sooner mended. Grumbling over the "limited experience" comment. Your ds is what? Sixteen years old? You've known him his whole life? No one knows him better? Sounds like you're the MOST experienced person to educate him!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 My family has offered to pay for boarding school for my daughter. We have already done public/private school. I said I actually love having my daughter at home. Shocking but true.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Bless her heart.;) Isn't she sweet? She is terrified of me hs my rising junior (for the first time) and offered to keep him for two years, while he attends her local public school!!!!!!! She made tons of calls and research, talked to my fil and sil about it, and they all agreed that it would be for the best. I was stunned. Not sure whether to laugh or cry!!!!! I said nicely, "So you're offering another public school for him to go to? That's what he's running away from." She said, "You know there are public schools and then there are public schools. Ours in considered the best in the state. In your limited experience, you might not know that." I replied that in her limited experience, which I fully understand, she cannot possibly know the many options and benefits out there for homeschoolers. Biting my tongue extra hard, I thanked her for loving my son enough to offer that and then proceeded to tell her our reasons and plans for keeping ds home. This is going to be a long road. I hope we prove to her that hs is the right thing for ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
budeb Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Wow . . . that is quite the story. :) You do what you need to - no explanation is necessary. You are the parent. :) Blessings on your journey, Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LatinTea Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 I give you a lot of credit, especially since I see that you are new homeschooler, not a seasoned one used to comments putting down our choice. I hope you have a wonderful year. It looks like you have some great curriculum lined up! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 And that's the point. She had no idea why, as we have never really discussed it. And yet she goes to the extreme of planning out his future. That can be easily mended, if you choose to do so. I'm one of those people that gets so irritated when people ironiously think I'm wrong that I will hound them and beat them over the head with my rightness (until dh steps in :lol:). I've gotten better about this (not that any of the posters I've argued with would know), but I did find that it served me well when my extended family started debating whether or not my dcs should be homeschooling. Sure, it's none of their business, these are my kids, &tc ad nauseum. But... I'm right and I know it. Now, my family is so very well versed in the wonder that is hsing that they all defend it right off the bat :lol: Bless her heart.;) *snort* :smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 I hope you're soon able to join your son in his laughter. :) He's got the right response for when he talks with his grandmother. It would help her to see how off the mark she is in her attempts to help, and laughter often helps to diffuse a situation too. Your son is lucky to have you as his mother. I wonder how many children ask their parents if they can leave school and be educated at home, and aren't allowed the opportunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 I would reply that in her limited experience (humbly and honestly not holding your fists back and flaming) she should look at the following sites.. www.hslda.com http://www.hslda.org/docs/nche/000000/00000017.asp And if she has any questions or concerns that you'll be glad to provide her with more information. We started homeschooling 9 years ago (we're on our 10th!) Just last week I was excited about some AP classes my son wants to take and my father's comment was, "There are more people homeschooling so good to see they're learning what to do." Aww..gee dad, didn't know I needed a crowd to establish validity! :) But it all is knocked up to ignorance..we know so much about the hs community but for those outside looking in it's a vacuous hole! :) Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjbucks1 Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 This makes me so thankful for a supportive family. While I know my in-laws do not totally agree with our decision, they at least don't share their opinions with us! My sister is a public school teacher, and always tells me to never send our children to school..LOL!! I may be homeschooling her little one when the time comes. I think most people are just ignorant of homeschooling, and really don't understand how it can afford a child so much greater opportunity. I think after your in-laws see how well your ds does, they may be less vocal. Praying for a great year for you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 You all are so much more gracious about motives than I am. What I saw when I read the OP was not love, but meddling. This wasn't expressing concern, but attempting to do an end run around the parents - and this end run involved other in laws ... that adds up to conspiracy to me. If this is how they deal with perceived problems, then I would want very little to do with them. How disrespectful! To me, loving concern would involve having a conversation about why homeschooling would or would not work and then RESPECTING THE PARENTS' DECISIONS! What I see hear is a lack of respect for the parents to be able to make intelligent, well-reasoned decisions. Sorry, Lisa, if my post just adds fuel to the fire for you, but I just wanted to express a different opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisabees Posted July 22, 2010 Author Share Posted July 22, 2010 You all are so much more gracious about motives than I am. What I saw when I read the OP was not love, but meddling. This wasn't expressing concern, but attempting to do an end run around the parents - and this end run involved other in laws ... that adds up to conspiracy to me. If this is how they deal with perceived problems, then I would want very little to do with them. How disrespectful! To me, loving concern would involve having a conversation about why homeschooling would or would not work and then RESPECTING THE PARENTS' DECISIONS! What I see hear is a lack of respect for the parents to be able to make intelligent, well-reasoned decisions. Sorry, Lisa, if my post just adds fuel to the fire for you, but I just wanted to express a different opinion. Ellen, I am trying very hard to see the love rather than the meddling because I have to deal with her for years to come. But...the more I think about it, the angrier I become. How dare she, not only question our decisions, but try to change them?! How dare she think her plans are better than ours, even after I say no thanks?! Why in the world would she think I would give up my son for two years?! Why does she think my son would even consider that, when we're not close to them at all? She called ds today and invited him to lunch, to discuss his future - aka to change his mind. She will try to change dh's mind also, and he is the one that said we should do it. Apparently, she already called dh, but probably didn't do a good job selling the idea, because he didn't mention a thing. I haven't talked to him about it yet, because he is out of town dealing with enough already. One thing is for sure - it's not good for me to hold on to this anger. I have had a tight chest and pounding heart today, just thinking about it! :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Ellen, I am trying very hard to see the love rather than the meddling because I have to deal with her for years to come. But...the more I think about it, the angrier I become. How dare she, not only question our decisions, but try to change them?! How dare she think her plans are better than ours, even after I say no thanks?! Why in the world would she think I would give up my son for two years?! Why does she think my son would even consider that, when we're not close to them at all? She called ds today and invited him to lunch, to discuss his future - aka to change his mind. She will try to change dh's mind also, and he is the one that said we should do it. Apparently, she already called dh, but probably didn't do a good job selling the idea, because he didn't mention a thing. I haven't talked to him about it yet, because he is out of town dealing with enough already. One thing is for sure - it's not good for me to hold on to this anger. I have had a tight chest and pounding heart today, just thinking about it! :glare: Lol, let that anger flow! Wow, I would be furious too! ANd yet I can still see teh funny side. But really! Talk about crossing boundaries! That is SO inappropriate. I dont think I would allow my child to be alone with her, to tell the truth. Do you know about passing the bean dip? For many of us, we have simply learned not to engage with people like that on the topic of the decisions we have made regarding homeschooling our children. I suggest you send her the information, and then refuse to discuss it further with her. Just say something like "this is my decision, and he is my child, and I dont want to discuss it further with you" when she brings it up. I would say it is past time to draw a line and tell her to back off. DOnt worry about having to deal with her in the future- she has shown you where she stands and that she doesn't really respect your ability to parent. How much do you want her approval anyway? If you make a firm stand now, she may flip out in the short term, but in the long run, if you don't teach her to respect you, she won't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 (edited) How generous of her! Have you given her a copy of the Bitter Homeschoolers Wishlist? I am sure she'd enjoy it! ;) Edited July 25, 2010 by Excelsior! Academy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 And that's the point. She had no idea why, as we have never really discussed it. And yet she goes to the extreme of planning out his future. Knowing the situation may still not be an answer for her. My dd18 came home for her Junior year and her dad and step-mom exploded. Both are public school teachers and flat out refuse to acknowledge homeschooling can be beneficial at all. What really sucks is that this woman is a special education teacher and she told me that homeschooling my son with Aspergers meant he was going to live in my basement all his life. They knew what was going on with my dd and attended counseling sessions with us. They told her she needed to suck it up and live with it because real life wouldn't coddle her. I just keep reminding dd18 that fear makes people say and do some crazy things. Homeschooling is so far removed from their reality that they see it as neglecting the child. They tried guilt and manipulation to keep her in school and when that didn't work, they stopped talking to her about school. She'll go weeks without talking to them and they don't understand why, not even when she tries to tell them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 I rather like your son's approach. :lol: "This is a joke right?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cocoabean Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 :lol: I'm sorry - I know there's a very scary element that isn't funny' date=' but it's amazing what people will do to save kids from home schooling!!! :lol: Might be time to think ahead and see if that offer will still be valid in two years. You can save a fortune on college room and board. [/color'] :D Maybe you can tell them that there's home schooling and then there's home schooling. And the later one requires just the right curriculum and educational opportunities, which of course do involve considerable cost. Maybe the more you try to involve them, the more they'll leave you on your own. :tongue_smilie: Teachin'Mine: Haha! I ROFLMBO regarding the statement in bold. LOL TOO FUNNY!!! OP: You stood up to her. All you can do now is do your best to make it work (which I know you will!!!). BUT even if you hit some bumps and snags in the hsing road ahead, please know that it isn't your fault. EVERY home schooler has ups and downs. It's just a part of life that one cannot avoid, whatever the endeavor may be. Hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
memphispeg Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Stand your ground. Has the ds been the one to make the decision to hs? These are critical years for you and your child, they need YOU more than ever to help them negotiate the final push towards adulthood. What does he think about all of this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisabees Posted July 26, 2010 Author Share Posted July 26, 2010 Stand your ground. Has the ds been the one to make the decision to hs? These are critical years for you and your child, they need YOU more than ever to help them negotiate the final push towards adulthood. What does he think about all of this? Ds has been BEGGING to be homeschooled for a few years. We finally listened. ;) He can't stand the oppression of public school. He used to love learning and looks forward to being in charge of his own education and pursuing his passions. More than anything, he wants to be inspired once again. Ds would never consider going to another public school, especially while living with his grandparents. He continues to find the idea hysterical. Ds has great friends in our neighborhood and will continue to play volleyball at the high school, along with a couple of other home schoolers! And, yes, we're looking forward to watching our son blossom in the next two years and being part of it. It is actually the most attractive part of home schooling for dh. Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and personal experiences and encouragement. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 (edited) LOL That's funny. Here, let me take your kid. Edited July 26, 2010 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Isn't she sweet? She is terrified of me hs my rising junior (for the first time) and offered to keep him for two years, while he attends her local public school!!!!!!! She made tons of calls and research, talked to my fil and sil about it, and they all agreed that it would be for the best. Biting my tongue extra hard, I thanked her for loving my son enough to offer that and then proceeded to tell her our reasons and plans for keeping ds home. This is going to be a long road. I hope we prove to her that hs is the right thing for ds. Good for you. I'm sure she really did it out of genuine love & concern. It's easy to be nervous about the different or unknown, and homeschooling is the either the different or unknown for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katiebug_1976 Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Isn't she sweet? She is terrified of me hs my rising junior (for the first time) and offered to keep him for two years, while he attends her local public school!!!!!!! She made tons of calls and research, talked to my fil and sil about it, and they all agreed that it would be for the best. I was stunned. Not sure whether to laugh or cry!!!!! I said nicely, "So you're offering another public school for him to go to? That's what he's running away from." She said, "You know there are public schools and then there are public schools. Ours in considered the best in the state. In your limited experience, you might not know that." I replied that in her limited experience, which I fully understand, she cannot possibly know the many options and benefits out there for homeschoolers. Biting my tongue extra hard, I thanked her for loving my son enough to offer that and then proceeded to tell her our reasons and plans for keeping ds home. This is going to be a long road. I hope we prove to her that hs is the right thing for ds. :thumbup1: You go mom! Way to stand your ground tactfully!! Hang in there, everything will be just fine even if the extended family doesn't agree. Is you dh on board with you? :thumbup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewel7123 Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 I feel for you. When my MIL learned of my plans to homeschool she said "You can do something better with your time." :blink: What she really meant was, go back to work. Ugh. I've learned that my MIL and I will disagree on just about every issue and I have to accept that but make it clear that there are two people making the decisions for our children, and she's not one of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Praying for you and your dh and ds, that things will go well! My in-laws were concerned when we started homeschooling, but were still supportive of our right to run our family as we felt was best. My parents were all for it and said they wished they could've homeschooled my siblings and me! My sister was the most vocal against it, mainly cuz she couldn't wrap her head around the idea that homeschoolers DID get socialization in MANY ways, and all the opportunities available for them. As time went by, and she saw all we did, and how well my kids were doing, she changed her mind and became very supportive! Her youngest ended up homeschooling for her Junior and Senior years of highschool! :) I'm hoping, for your sake, that your in-laws will come to see the positives of homeschooling, and can, in-turn, support your decision! Some families never do come around to accepting the homeschooling. That's their choice. But you, your ds and your dh know that this is what's best for your ds, so that's what matters! It IS the best. Period. YOU make the decisions for YOUR children! You know you have LOTS of support here! I wish you all the best! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 ... I am trying very hard to see the love rather than the meddling because I have to deal with her for years to come. But...the more I think about it, the angrier I become. .. Your first instinct to see the love was good. Her meddling is likely the result of her love. Your son had a problem with your local public school so in her public school teacher mind the problem wasn't public schools but the specific school he attended in your area. Therefore since the problem is your local public school, he could bypass it simply by living with her. Ain't that sweet of her to love her grandchild enough to meddle? Keep being polite and thinking most charitably of her while you do what you believe is right. You don't have to prove to her that homeschooling is better than her local "best in the state" public school. You don't have to prove that moms can make a better teachers than public school teacher. You don't have to prove anything to her. You simply have to provide her grandchild with an education in your home while politely tolerating her different opinion regarding what's best for her grandchild. She has no power to make you angry or upset unless you give it to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starwarsmomma Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 That sounds like a "sacrifice" my mother would try to make. I had to really lay it out there-- all of the details and frustrations we had before both sets understood. They didn't like it, but they understood the reasons we made that decision. And, now-- they are 100 percent supportive. So give it time, she'll come around. Maybe. LOL :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wy_kid_wrangler04 Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 I didnt read any replies, I just have 1 question for you. You said biting your tongue was really hard, but do you have any of your tongue left? You didnt bite it off didi you? Because that must have been REALLY hard to NOT say something :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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