Son is terrified of learning to swim. Help!

[Staceyshoe]

My son is 5 and is terrified of learning to swim. We tried swimming lessons in the spring, but he just clung to the side of the pool and refused to participate. We are trying again (I put him in the class for 3-4 year olds because there is parent involvement and it's a gentler introduction.) Most days he refuses to do anything and spends most of the time screaming and crying so loud that I'm surprised we haven't been asked to leave. (It's disrupting classes on the other side of an outdoor Olympic-size pool.)

 

What can I do? Ds lacks courage in many areas, and I feel like it's important that he learn to overcome it. I also feel it's a safety issue when kids don't know how to swim. I don't know how to provide a more gentle approach. Do I need to get tough? Or would that make the panic even worse? Help!

[Mejane]

He's only five. Does he really need to learn right now? I wouldn't press it if my child were as terrified as you describe. Yes, I do think it will make the panic worse. Let him have fun playing in the water, and try again later.

[NanceXToo]

He's only five. Does he really need to learn right now? I wouldn't press it if my child were as terrified as you describe. Yes, I do think it will make the panic worse. Let him have fun playing in the water, and try again later.

 

Absolutely agree. Any pushing you do at this point is going to make things much worse. Let him play or not play in the water as desired under your supervision and try again next year in regard to swimming lessons.

[Melenie]

Personally I think a tough attitude would make it worse. I have a 6 year old that refused to learn how to swim until 3 days ago. She was terrified and would not leave the side of the pool. This year in 2-3 days she went from the side of the pool to head under water and now swimming.

 

This is the same child that did not want to learn to ride a bike until she was 6. She did not have the confidence that she could do it, so she was not prepared to try.

 

I used to think she needed to overcome these issues, but now I think she will do them when she is ready.

 

Good luck, I know it is frustrating to not be able to help them at this age.

Edited June 17, 2010 by Melenie

[Hillary in KS]

I wouldn't worry about lessons just yet, then.

 

Take him to the pool a LOT this summer. Not for lessons, but just to play in the shallow end. (If you've got one of those water park/ pools near you, with a zero-depth entry section and maybe a kiddie slide, that would be perfect!) Invest in a couple of diving rings or something and let him spend the summer getting used to the water.

 

Make the goal for this summer to be to get him VERY comfortable with water, with being splashed, etc. Once he loosens up and isn't afraid of the water when it's on *his* terms, he'll be much more amenable to lessons on yours.

 

Also, if he's super-comfortable with the water by September, don't wait until next summer for lessons. Find indoor classes in the fall, or better yet- invest in a couple of private lessons.

 

hang in there!

[Staceyshoe]

So his fear should lessen as he gets older? I feel like we missed a window of opportunity when he was younger and would have been more open to it, so I was afraid that the fear will just continue to build from here.

[JenneinCA]

Have you tried individual swim lessons? Just him and a teacher?

 

Or a different swim program?

[KristenS]

We just finished six beginner swim lessons for my 5.5yo and 8.5 yo. Neither had much pool experience (the 5yo none at all) and they were both nervous. But we got lucky and got an opening for the pool in my mom's neighborhood (Go Grandma!). (ETA: We do have a wading pool that's fair-sized but never over knee deep, so they do have water experience ... just not pools or pool safety.)

 

The teacher was AWESOME at breaking it down into babysteps, and getting the kids to trust her, even when they were scared. They all made such big strides! It was three days last week, and three this week (and we've signed up to split a session with another mom later this month just to get three more days, she was that good!). Most of the kids were 3 or 4 or 5, and the class was very small. (Fortunately my boy is used to hanging out with all ages and wasn't embarrassed to be with little ones ... never occurred to him! He played with bigger kids after class.)

 

Anyway, perhaps it just needs the right teacher, or the right babysteps. She had them start by being on the steps (nice wide ones in this pool, and that end of the pool, L-shaped, didn't get above 3 feet). They dipped one ear in the water briefly. They dipped the other ear. They practiced dipping down and blowing bubbles. (Or practiced in the air till they were comfortable.) I mean, she had it down to the simplest steps! She managed to get them from ear-dipping, LOL, to floating briefly on their backs and on their stomachs, sometimes even with their faces in the water. And this was just with six 45-minute lessons. They did practice kicking, and she'd tow them around ... some would cling tightly, others trusted just her arm under them. Each lesson ended with them jumping into the pool into her arms ... she stepped a bit further back each day, according to each child's comfort level.

 

Now, of course, my kids aren't fully swimming yet ... but they've got some safety basics under their belt and they aren't as nervous anymore. My 5yo still doesn't want to put her face in, but she had a blast playing around with the other kids in the 3ft section ... the first day or two she just wanted to retreat to the baby pool after class. My 8yo doesn't want to float much ... but his new favorite game is seeing how long he can hold his breath underwater, and he asked me to buy him some diving sticks. So ... they are off to a good start, and I think that one more week we'll get later will help them pull together a bit of the kicking and the arm movements. (She's even considering a brief refresher course for a few of us moms who haven't swum since we were little ... I don't float like I used to! ... I am so glad some mom was brave enough to ask her about it.)

 

Anyway, if you've got a small pool at home, knee-deep for the child, you can still practice the bubbles and the ear dipping and all that. You can even do some floating if you kneel down in the water to support them ... we were in a 1.5 ft kiddie pool at a party this weekend (it even had a 6 inch end!) and I was able to support my 5yo on my knee and two arms, and she practiced floating on her tummy and kicking ... I was so proud she wanted to try!

 

Rambling ... but it is so amazing what difference the right teacher, and group, and simplified steps can make for a child.

 

(They even laminated the completion certificates for the kids so they wouldn't get water damaged after class ... how cool!)

[Nakia]

He's only five. Does he really need to learn right now? I wouldn't press it if my child were as terrified as you describe. Yes, I do think it will make the panic worse. Let him have fun playing in the water, and try again later.

 

:iagree:

 

As a matter of fact, my daughter freaked last year about learning to swim. She was terrified. But this year, she is learning. She isn't scared at all!!

[Kim in Appalachia]

When my now 8 year old was 5 he screamed when he got near the pool (for lessons). He played in our pool and was content with wearing his floaties or using a tube. I let him scream. I walked away and let the instructor handle him. At our pool they dunk kids who cry to get them to stop (it's how the instructors were taught in their training for little ones. Since the child can't cry under water he usually comes up quiet, at least for a second, and you can talk to him.) It took a week or two, but he stopped. He now swims on the team and does US swimming. He has his first long course meet this weekend. My youngest son, who is 5, is now on the team. He learned to swim last year.

 

Sometimes kids cry because they know mom is around to hear them. If they can't see you they stop. Sometimes they need to get over it and you need to let them cry it out.

 

It can sound mean, but it depends on how important it is to you that your child can swim. We own a pool and I need my kids to be able to swim.

 

Only you can make the decision if your son is ready to learn. Some kids need more time, some kids need you to walk away.

 

I do know, with swimming, the more the mom interferes the longer it takes the child to swim. My kids have been swimming for 6 years. The program they are in also teaches little ones to swim. (they even do water safety for babies. It's so cute to watch!) I've watched lots of little kids learn to swim. I can tell you that it always goes better when the parents stay out of the instructors way.

 

I do think, as moms, we tend to be too soft on our kids.

 

I also think it is good to help our kids not be held down by their fears.

[Parrothead]

I agree it is a safety issue. I'm a big proponent of learning to swim very early for safety reasons.

 

I don't know that there is much you can do with a terrified 5-year old though. As an adult you know as soon as he figures out that swimming is good he will enjoy it. Getting there is going to be hard.

 

You can leave off this year and talk it up between now and next spring. Or you can peel him off the wall and make him swim. One thought if you do lessons, don't hang around. If you aren't there he may actually do this for someone else.

 

I've got one of those nervous kids afraid of most everything. Tell him that it is more dangerous for him not to know how to swim.

 

Good luck

[KristenS]

Following up on some previous posts ... Hillary's right on about letting him get used to water, and splashing, and stuff like that. And I have a friend who also wanted to do swim lessons with her 5yo and 7yo this year, and she tried the local Y. The classes were full or something, so she had to opt for private lessons, which are pricey ... but it turned out that since her kids were both doing it together, it changed from 'private' to 'group' and the cost went down! They had to share the pool with other users, of course, and I don't know if that was the Y's pricing policy or the instructor's, but it's sure worth asking about if there's a similar facility near you.

 

Also, I was told one boy in our little class who's maybe 5 was terrified last year ... this year he was so much improved that they bumped him from our beginner group to the slightly more advanced one. So sometimes it's just a time thing! (Too bad we have to wait to find out on that though!)

[Nakia]

When my now 8 year old was 5 he screamed when he got near the pool (for lessons). He played in our pool and was content with wearing his floaties or using a tube. I let him scream. I walked away and let the instructor handle him. At our pool they dunk kids who cry to get them to stop (it's how the instructors were taught in their training for little ones. Since the child can't cry under water he usually comes up quiet, at least for a second, and you can talk to him.) It took a week or two, but he stopped. He now swims on the team and does US swimming. He has his first long course meet this weekend. My youngest son, who is 5, is now on the team. He learned to swim last year.

 

Sometimes kids cry because they know mom is around to hear them. If they can't see you they stop. Sometimes they need to get over it and you need to let them cry it out.

 

It can sound mean, but it depends on how important it is to you that your child can swim. We own a pool and I need my kids to be able to swim.

 

Only you can make the decision if your son is ready to learn. Some kids need more time, some kids need you to walk away.

 

I do know, with swimming, the more the mom interferes the longer it takes the child to swim. My kids have been swimming for 6 years. The program they are in also teaches little ones to swim. (they even do water safety for babies. It's so cute to watch!) I've watched lots of little kids learn to swim. I can tell you that it always goes better when the parents stay out of the instructors way.

 

I do think, as moms, we tend to be too soft on our kids.

 

I also think it is good to help our kids not be held down by their fears.

 

I am going to say this and then watch for tomatoes, but if anyone dunked my screaming terrified child in the water for any reason, they would be sporting a black eye. No freaking way.

[Mom2J112903]

Take him to the pool a LOT this summer. Not for lessons, but just to play in the shallow end. (If you've got one of those water park/ pools near you, with a zero-depth entry section and maybe a kiddie slide, that would be perfect!) Invest in a couple of diving rings or something and let him spend the summer getting used to the water.

 

 

This is what we did with J last summer. He was not swimming a lick, could barely tred water (and we refuse to put any type of flotation device on, they are just asking for trouble) by the end of the summer J was swimming so well you had thought he had taken YEARS of lessons.

 

J had not been able to do swimming lessons as a baby/toddler (we wanted to do the Infant Swim Resuce classes starting VERY young) due to GI problems. So, J did not get into the pool for the first time until he was almost FOUR! Last summer he was 5.6yrs at the start of the summer, this year at 6.6yrs, he plays with the "big" kids and even jumps into 10ft of water with DH. :)

[Jennifer in MI]

Personally I think a tough attitude would make it worse. I have a 6 year old that refused to learn how to swim until 3 days ago. She was terrified and would not leave the side of the pool. This year in 2-3 days she went from the side of the pool to head under water and now swimming.

 

e.

:iagree:

 

My now-9 yo didn't start swimming until he was 7.5. He was terrified of the water. We went to the pool nearly every day and he stayed in the shallow end, near the edge of the pool with dh or I in the water with him. When he decided to do it, he was swimming within a couple days. Now, he jumps off the diving board without a problem!

 

We're having the same issues with our 4 yo. I signed her up for lessons starting next week. We'll see how she does.

[KristenS]

I guess it depends on the kid ... my kids were comforted that I was near ... I did NOT interfere until one had a complete fear meltdown the first day, and only after I could tell the teacher wasn't making progress calming ... so I went into the water, and talked calmly, and supported the teacher's request. Worked great. And then I stepped out of the way. I have a highly anxious elder child, and it's a fine line ... but being near is usually the best choice for him.

[Jennifer in MI]

I am going to say this and then watch for tomatoes, but if anyone dunked my screaming terrified child in the water for any reason, they would be sporting a black eye. No freaking way.

 

I gasped when I read that!!! He** NO!!!! I would not allow that. No tomatoes here!

[KristenS]

I'd be throwing the tomatoes at the teacher ... I just didn't want to post because I figured I'd babbled enough on this thread already. Some kids can handle that, some can't ... and it's irreparable damage if you guess wrong...

[Nakia]

I'd be throwing the tomatoes at the teacher ... I just didn't want to post because I figured I'd babbled enough on this thread already. Some kids can handle that, some can't ... and it's irreparable damage if you guess wrong...

 

Exactly. We are talking life-long damage and fear. My middle child that I talked about earlier in this thread, has very high anxiety, and if this had happened to her, she would have been scarred emotionally for a long time, perhaps forever. Sometimes it just takes time. In the meantime, let them play and get comfortable in the water. Don't do that kind of damage.

[fairfarmhand]

I am going to say this and then watch for tomatoes, but if anyone dunked my screaming terrified child in the water for any reason, they would be sporting a black eye. No freaking way.

:iagree:

 

I'd get him a face mask (the kind that covers your eyes and nose) and let him practice in the tub and the little wading pool putting his face under water. For whatever reason water in the nose freaks my kids out.

 

Then wait till next summer and see what happens.

[Parrothead]

I am going to say this and then watch for tomatoes, but if anyone dunked my screaming terrified child in the water for any reason, they would be sporting a black eye. No freaking way.

I think it is something that depends on how important it is for one's kid to learn sooner rather than later.

 

When dd was younger we always, always had easy access to large bodies of water and pools. I thought it important that she know how to swim just in case she got away from me and went to the water. We lived in an apartment complex and the pool was less than 50 feet from our front door. So, yeah, with dd being 2 I would have allowed it if it got to the point I couldn't teach her. Better dunked than dead. Luckily she learned quick and we didn't have to go to extremes. She could swim the width of the pool both above and below the water by the end of her second summer. She was jumping off the diving board her 3rd summer.

 

So, yeah, it depends on the parent's motivation.

Edited June 17, 2010 by Parrothead

[Kim in Appalachia]

I am going to say this and then watch for tomatoes, but if anyone dunked my screaming terrified child in the water for any reason, they would be sporting a black eye. No freaking way.

 

:D I don't throw tomatoes.

 

It really depends on the child and the parent. I've seen many parents who won't tolerate the harder approach. It takes their child longer to learn to swim, but the child eventually learns. For me, it was very important that my child learn to swim. With my one child who loved to scream, I had a younger one I had to keep a close eye on and didn't want to have to worry about him. We have a large in ground pool and I have to have my kids swimming.

 

A dear friend of mind refused to let her son cry in the pool. It took a couple of years, but he now swims great. But he wasn't around pools that much and she wasn't as concerned.

[TKDmom]

I put my 4yo in a mom and me class when he was 2. Over the course of a month, he went from being slightly hesitant about swimming to terrified. :glare: He really didn't like the whole dunking thing. Over the winter (this year), we tried swimming lessons again. This time he had a male teacher and he was doing great. He was getting a lot more comfortable with the water. I inadvertently switched teachers, and he freaked out with the female teacher. He screamed for 25 minutes, and I haven't taken him back. <sigh>

 

All my dc have all been afraid of swim lessons at one point or another. My 6yo and 8 yo are finally getting comfortable in the water--dd was terrified when she was 5 (and 6). I figure we will do swim lessons again in the fall, with the male teacher again, to get ds back into the water. Sometimes it just takes time. Sometimes the right teacher makes a huge difference.

 

Btw, I don't have a pool. If we did, I think dc would have been a lot more comfortable in the water, and I would have pushed the swim lessons much earlier.

Edited June 17, 2010 by bonniebeth4

[Hillary in KS]

So his fear should lessen as he gets older? I feel like we missed a window of opportunity when he was younger and would have been more open to it, so I was afraid that the fear will just continue to build from here.

 

I have 3 swimmers- ds 14.5, ds 9.5, and ds 7. All are on swim team, and now spend hours swimming laps each week. All were afraid of the water when they were younger.

 

In my opinion, if you *cater* to his fear it will worsen as he gets older. If you *respect* his fear, and encourage him and allow him to work toward overcoming it, he will be fine.

 

If he is screaming on the side of the pool and afraid to join in the lessons, he's not ready for group lessons and it's not helping him and is disturbing others. You can try private lessons next, which may be helpful if it's the *group of strangers in the water* that's freaking him out.

 

My youngest two learned how to put their faces in the water when they noticed other kids at the local pool doing it. Not from a teacher. But I allowed them to play and splash for a whole summer before they were brave enough to risk it.

 

There is no "magic window" that you missed. The key is allowing him to gradually get used to the water so that it's not scary. Again, take him to the pool a LOT this summer. Especially one with steps he can hang out on or a zero-depth entry pool. Let him play and see other kids splashing and having fun. Let him get used to being splashed. Hang out on the side of the pool with a book, or keep an eye on him. But give him plenty of exposure and he'll be fine.

[Niffercoo]

I gasped when I read that!!! He** NO!!!! I would not allow that. No tomatoes here!

 

 

Right there with you.

 

I posted on the other thread that my mother never got over her fears of the water after she was thrown into the deep end in swim lessons and told to "learn to swim". Even my dad tried to teach her when she was an adult and she absolutely panicked. I remember that day and seeing the look on her face. She was literally terrified from an event that had taken place decades before.

 

I'm sure it works for some folks. But you'll never convince me that it's the best thing to force a child to do something while they are screaming in terror.

[KristenS]

As for the water-in-the-nose thing ... that turned out to really bug my daughter and a couple of the other kids ... we finally explained that you blow OUT when you come up, kind of like blowing your nose in a kleenex. Sounds gross, but they needed to know exactly what they were supposed to do to get the water out! Just another babystep that you don't always think of. Once it was put into specific words for them, I caught all the kids doing better about it, and even my daughter fussed less ... it was cool.

[Jennifer in MI]

Right there with you.

 

I posted on the other thread that my mother never got over her fears of the water after she was thrown into the deep end in swim lessons and told to "learn to swim". Even my dad tried to teach her when she was an adult and she absolutely panicked. I remember that day and seeing the look on her face. She was literally terrified from an event that had taken place decades before.

 

I'm sure it works for some folks. But you'll never convince me that it's the best thing to force a child to do something while they are screaming in terror.

 

Your poor mom!! That is really sad!

 

I wasn't dunked as a child, but I had a really, really bad swim teacher. I still remember her mocking my fear of the water. It was horrible. I never learned to swim as a child. I was always afraid. I did take a swim class in college and can now swim quite well, but the fear is there. I desperately want to overcome this and do a triathlon this summer. We'll see.

[Niffercoo]

Your poor mom!! That is really sad!

 

I wasn't dunked as a child, but I had a really, really bad swim teacher. I still remember her mocking my fear of the water. It was horrible. I never learned to swim as a child. I was always afraid. I did take a swim class in college and can now swim quite well, but the fear is there. I desperately want to overcome this and do a triathlon this summer. We'll see.

 

 

Jennifer, see if they have a "My First Triathlon" in your area. I'm shooting for one next summer (would have done it this year but my husband was away on business the weekend they had it locally). The swim portion is held in an area that is shallow enough to let you stand up and rest/walk when you need to. I'm a decent swimmer (and I've been practicing at the indoor pool), but the triathlons are in lakes. And I'm utterly terrified of lakes/ocean water. I barely put my feet in when I go to the beach! LOL But I figured with this "My First Triathlon" it's only 1/4 mile of swimming, and if I get really freaked out, I can stand and regain my nerve and begin again.

 

I did buy good goggles and a swim cap, though. But I swear if I see any wildlife, I'll probably run screaming from the lake! ;)

[Jennifer in MI]

Jennifer, see if they have a "My First Triathlon" in your area. I'm shooting for one next summer (would have done it this year but my husband was away on business the weekend they had it locally). The swim portion is held in an area that is shallow enough to let you stand up and rest/walk when you need to. I'm a decent swimmer (and I've been practicing at the indoor pool), but the triathlons are in lakes. And I'm utterly terrified of lakes/ocean water. I barely put my feet in when I go to the beach! LOL But I figured with this "My First Triathlon" it's only 1/4 mile of swimming, and if I get really freaked out, I can stand and regain my nerve and begin again.

 

I did buy good goggles and a swim cap, though. But I swear if I see any wildlife, I'll probably run screaming from the lake! ;)

 

I'll check that out! Thanks. This is my biggest fear - swimming in a lake. Yuck. God forbid I touch any plant life. I would panic and drown. I'm such a baby about this stuff. I skipped out on snorkeling with my family on our cruise because there were FISH in the water! (But, I did decide to swim with the dolphins! But, only WITH the trainer in the water right beside me! Just like he did with the little kids. I'm not kidding. I was really freaked out! But, I did it!!)

[missiemick]

As a child, I was afraid of the water -- mostly just getting it on my face. My fear of the large pool more than eclipsed my "trust" of any instructor. My mother put me in all kinds of lessons and I just cried through most of them. She was so embarrassed at my behavior that she stopped putting me in lessons -- I was so glad! After that we just played in a (warm) pool in our backyard and eventually made it back to the larger pool. After many years of playing and getting used to the water, I finally got swim goggles. They made all the difference. I eventually took many swimming lessons and actually taught lessons to small children while in high school. I was especially sensitive to children that were afraid. I can't imagine what would have happened to me if they had been able to dunk me (terrible!) -- although they did try (also terrible!)

After my experience, I would suggest what many others have already said: give him LOTS of supervised playtime in a swimming pool and keep the pressure off.

 

mickie

[Dmmetler]

Try the class without moms present, and get out of his range of vision. I'm amazed constantly at how willing my "scared to try new things" DD is to try something if someone else suggests it and I'm not watching.

[Niffercoo]

I'll check that out! Thanks. This is my biggest fear - swimming in a lake. Yuck. God forbid I touch any plant life. I would panic and drown. I'm such a baby about this stuff. I skipped out on snorkeling with my family on our cruise because there were FISH in the water! (But, I did decide to swim with the dolphins! But, only WITH the trainer in the water right beside me! Just like he did with the little kids. I'm not kidding. I was really freaked out! But, I did it!!)

 

 

You're more than welcome to come on down to GA and do it with me next summer! My BFF (the one I mentioned in the other post who is terrified of the water) is going to do it as well. My plan is to start at the end of the wave, that way all the folks before me have scared all the little critters away (and maybe they will have moved all the plant life away too... like human mowers! LOL). We could all encourage each other along! :)

[rafiki]

.

[duckens]

I was this child.

 

I also had a shy/fearful personality, and I had trepidation of any new situation or new people.

 

I remember my parents taking us to the public pool ONCE as a child, other than for lessons.

 

So, even though my sister and brother learned to swim like fish through swimming lessons, I never learned as a child. The newness of the rough kids, insistant teachers, and water up to my neck was enough for me to take in without being pushed to go underwater. I tried beginner lessons summer after summer for several years, until it was too embarassing to be with the preschoolers as a 2nd grader.

 

I finally learned as a very determined adult, but I will never by more than a passable swimmer. And I still feel that fear every time I go to the pool.

 

Here is my recommendation:

 

Take him to the pool a LOT this summer.

Splurge on a season pass, and go every afternoon that you can. If you are not serious about this, then you are not serious about your child learning the life-saving skill of swimming. I'm sorry that these may be harsh words, but they may be true ones. Or you can just wait a year and do nothing, which many others have recommended.

 

I know that some may compare this child to others or siblings, and wonder why he cannot be more like them and learn instantaneously with the modest investment in Parks and Rec Lessons. He has his own personality and his own talents and his own timeline and his own needs.

 

Would we as homeschoolers scoff that one child needs 3 different phonics programs and 4 years of intensive commitment from both parents to learn to read, while the other siblings teach themselves to read before their fourth birthday.

 

This child needs more investment of time and money to succeed at this very important skill. Find a way to give it to him.

 

--Laura

who still feels terror while swimming in the deep end

 

 

ETA: Swim goggles is he is old enough to put them on properly and if the teachers will tolerate them. I never met any teachers that allowed them until I was an adult.

Edited June 17, 2010 by duckens

[dangermom]

I found that for my girls, group lessons were just useless. They needed one-on-one lessons with a very loving, sympathetic teacher. They were very hesitant (and sometimes scared) for a while, then got over the hump and were on their way. But they did learn more slowly and a bit older than their friends did.

 

I'd advise you to take him to play in a shallow pool a lot this summer, and don't push him at all. Next summer, take him to play and then try one-on-one lessons. I know it costs more, but for us it was well worth it--the group lessons were money wasted.

[T'smom]

Another fan of the gentle approach. But I don't have anything new to add to that.

 

If someone did the 'dunking' thing to my kid- they'd have much more than a black eye. I'm having a hard time believing that anyone really thinks that's a good idea.

[Vida Winter]

The best way to overcome fear of swimming is to get a family pool pass for the summer and go often -- stay right by his side and let him play. He will have such fun without the pressure of a swim lesson, and once in a while he will test himself and push himself a little further. Also, he will accidentally get splashed and dunked once in a while which is a good learning experience when you are right by his side. You can use a swim vest part of the time and the rest of the time go without any type of floaty vest. See if he will jump into the pool into your arms. I did this for my first two daughters and they are now very good swimmers; we don't have a community pool where we live now but I take every opportunity I can to swim with my 5yo daughter and it is going very well.

 

Be safe. At our community pool a few years ago a mom left her non-swimmer daughter in a floatie and was not right there with her and the little girl slipped out and drowned. You have to be very attentive and make sure that if you have other children in your care (even if they are swimmers) they have someone watching them while you are focusing on your son.

 

I remember hating swim lessons (and not learning to swim) when I was young and teaching myself to swim in a backyard 18" upright pool a couple of years later (no supervision at all - what were my parents thinking?!!) Once the fear of water is conquered, swim lessons are fun. Good luck!

[Lolly]

When my now 8 year old was 5 he screamed when he got near the pool (for lessons). He played in our pool and was content with wearing his floaties or using a tube. I let him scream. I walked away and let the instructor handle him. At our pool they dunk kids who cry to get them to stop (it's how the instructors were taught in their training for little ones. Since the child can't cry under water he usually comes up quiet, at least for a second, and you can talk to him.) It took a week or two, but he stopped. He now swims on the team and does US swimming. He has his first long course meet this weekend. My youngest son, who is 5, is now on the team. He learned to swim last year.

 

Sometimes kids cry because they know mom is around to hear them. If they can't see you they stop. Sometimes they need to get over it and you need to let them cry it out.

 

It can sound mean, but it depends on how important it is to you that your child can swim. We own a pool and I need my kids to be able to swim.

 

Only you can make the decision if your son is ready to learn. Some kids need more time, some kids need you to walk away.

 

I do know, with swimming, the more the mom interferes the longer it takes the child to swim. My kids have been swimming for 6 years. The program they are in also teaches little ones to swim. (they even do water safety for babies. It's so cute to watch!) I've watched lots of little kids learn to swim. I can tell you that it always goes better when the parents stay out of the instructors way.

 

I do think, as moms, we tend to be too soft on our kids.

 

I also think it is good to help our kids not be held down by their fears.

 

Hey, you going to be in Knoxville?

[Lolly]

I have found that if you have water of the appropriate depth and a non panicking parent alongside, a kid will learn to swim. I am not a fan of swim lessons. I think it should be done gradually by the parent in a fun manner. When water goes in the face, when they slip and accidentally go under, when they do something new; parent cheers and applauds! Never gasp or show that you were scared of anything they do. If they slip and go under, tell them how wonderful it was. They are just fine aren't they!!! The water needs to be between the waist and the arms. (So they don't have to walk around like a monkey.) Daily exposure for a couple of hours minimum. Parent in pool playing with child. Sail boats. Shoot water guns. dump water from buckets. Throw water at each other. Hold onto side and kick. Hold onto hands and kick. Blow bubbles. Jump in with parent catching/hold onto parent the whole way if needed. Play chase. Practice floating on back while being securely held. Show them that you can put water in the mouth (gross!) and still be able to breath. Play ring-around-the-rosie. At we all fall down change it to we all go under. Have underwater tea parties. Start retrieving objects from the bottom. Gradually, the fear leaves and water becomes fun. But, they will expect you to play with them.:lol::lol::lol: At this point, you can actually teach them to swim. Personally, until they are at this point, swimming lessons are pretty much pointless.

Edited June 17, 2010 by Lolly

[NanceXToo]

Yeah there is no way in H*** that I would allow someone to dunk my crying, terrified child under the water. That's more likely to traumatize them for a very long period of time than it is to help them overcome their fear.

 

And yes I do believe that if not cornered into doing something he is terrified of doing, that he will outgrow this fear. Maybe in a year, maybe in two. In his own time.

 

In the meanwhile, you just need to closely supervise him when he's near water. This isn't just a matter of A) Be forced into swimming lessons, or B) drown. There IS a choice C)- supervise your child carefully.

[Nakia]

I get what you guys are saying about kids needing to learn to swim. But come on, "better dunked than dead"?? There are other ways.

[JFSinIL]

He's only five. Does he really need to learn right now? I wouldn't press it if my child were as terrified as you describe. Yes, I do think it will make the panic worse. Let him have fun playing in the water, and try again later.

 

I second this. Forcing him now may only make him more afraid.

[Garga]

My son is 7 and still not ready. No big deal. We have a pool membership and we go whenever it's hot enough.

 

I get in the pool with him and keep him nearby/in sight at all times. When my son's ready, he'll be ready. He's just not yet. No rush!

[AngieW in Texas]

I loved to go to the pool as a kid but I was terrified of swimming lessons. Every swimming lesson I saw started with putting your head underwater. I had been dunked before and was terrified of drowning.

 

I stuck to the shallow end up until the summer I turned 13yo. For several hours I watched one particular dad working with his kids, teaching them how to swim. He NEVER dunked any of them. He taught them all how to float on their backs and how to swim with their heads up. I asked him to teach me. He had me swimming in less than an hour.

 

I still don't put my face in. I don't even float on my back anymore because I found that I got an ear infection almost every time I did that. I do swim laps at the pool for about an hour several times each week during the summer.

 

My kids are all strong swimmers. They all go underwater with no problems. They started swim lessons at 3yo, but the teachers were always gentle.

[Parrothead]

I get what you guys are saying about kids needing to learn to swim. But come on, "better dunked than dead"?? There are other ways.

I'm thinking you never had a pool where your child could get to it by going outside the front door and toddling along a little way.

 

As you find it hard to believe that someone would require a child to learn to swim, I find it hard to believe that learning a life saving skill early isn't required by others.

 

ETA: Toddlers get away from parents on occasion. I know a lady who lost her 3 year old to grandma's pool because mom and grandma didn't realize that the baby had gotten out into grandma's backyard. That wasn't going to happen to my kid because she didn't know how to swim.

Edited June 17, 2010 by Parrothead

[Nakia]

I'm thinking you never had a pool where your child could get to it by going outside the front door and toddling along a little way.

 

As you find it hard to believe that someone would require a child to learn to swim, I find it hard to believe that learning a life saving skill early isn't required by you.

 

You are absolutely right that I have never had a pool. And I would never have a pool unless my children were old enough to understand the dangers and confident in their swimming ability. It's just not worth it to me. And please forgive my ignorance, but aren't there fences that can be put up around pools to prevent little ones from getting in the pool? It's like crossing the street; you don't let them do it alone until you know they can do it successfully. ETA: I think you said that the pool you had access to was in an apartment complex, right? I don't know what the solution is in that circumstance, but still dunking or throwing them in doesn't feel right to me.

 

I do believe swimming is a necessary life skill. I never said that I found it hard to believe someone would require their child to learn to swim. My oldest two do know how to swim and my youngest is learning. To me, it is better to wait until they are confident and know that they will successfully learn than to force a terrified child into a situation that could cause them never to learn.

 

I promise I am not trying to argue or provoke you. I am not an argumentative person at all. There are definitely two sides (at least) to this.

[Parrothead]

You are absolutely right that I have never had a pool. And I would never have a pool unless my children were old enough to understand the dangers and confident in their swimming ability. It's just not worth it to me. And please forgive my ignorance, but aren't there fences that can be put up around pools to prevent little ones from getting in the pool? It's like crossing the street; you don't let them do it alone until you know they can do it successfully. ETA: I think you said that the pool you had access to was in an apartment complex, right? I don't know what the solution is in that circumstance, but still dunking or throwing them in doesn't feel right to me.

 

I do believe swimming is a necessary life skill. I never said that I found it hard to believe someone would require their child to learn to swim. My oldest two do know how to swim and my youngest is learning. To me, it is better to wait until they are confident and know that they will successfully learn than to force a terrified child into a situation that could cause them never to learn.

 

I promise I am not trying to argue or provoke you. I am not an argumentative person at all. There are definitely two sides (at least) to this.

 

The thing is we were in an apartment. Every apartment complex that you would want to live in had a pool. There was a fence but it was one of those wrought iron fences that a small person could wiggle through if determined.

 

In the other thread I did say that I don't think throwing them in is the answer. And dunking can be gentle and turned into a game. We played a lot of Hold Your Breath We're Gonna Get Wet.

 

I can honestly say that at that time and in that place I would have forced that game and forced the swimming lessons if dd hadn't been amiable to learning to swim. I really think you have to get them in the water young. Dd was an October baby in south Georgia. She spent a lot of time in the water her first through sixth summer.

 

Water is so terribly terribly dangerous. It is a silent killer. You can't hear them screaming and crying underwater. So to me, living as close as we did to water it was imperative that dd could get from the middle of the pool to the side.

 

My strong belief in teaching them very young to learn to swim probably stems from my childhood. When I was 5 and my brother 3, he ran away to the beach. This kid pushed a chair up to the key pad, entered the code to open up the security gate and left the house we were living in. My parents found him on the beach 2 miles away. Yeah, that was the summer we both learned how to swim.

 

I'm not trying to provoke either. But because of circumstances of my life swimming early having kids swim early is something I seem to be a bit passionate about. It is something too easy to do if one lives near the water. And honestly I can see waiting if your closest body of water has to be gotten to by vehicle.

 

P.S. There is a draw back about learning to swim before you feet can touch bottom. You become really dangerous then. Vigilance at the pool is a must. So are swim fins so mommy can catch a break and get out of the water before she shrivels up.

Edited June 17, 2010 by Parrothead

[Kim in Appalachia]

Hey, you going to be in Knoxville?

 

 

Yes!! My kids are excited and nervous. My 2 boys have never swum long course. I'll be there early tomorrow with my dd and her friend.

[lighthouseacademy]

I haven't read all the responses, but I want to tell you that you do not have to learn early to be successful swimming! My older 2 kids have been in lessons for approximately the same amount of time. My son started at 6 1/2 and my daughter at barely 5. Two years later, my son is an incredible swimmer who is learning the butterfly stroke and climbed through 3 levels of lessons at the YMCA in 7 months (one of those levels takes most kids a year). My daughter is at the place my son was a year ago. Sometimes I think age helps a little. My younger daughter, who gets far less pool time than the older two is still at the entry level preschool level but is almost at the second preschool level- she can swim with 1 finger on her belly but sinks if you take it away :lol:. My son was very afraid for a while and now he is a total fish.

[kmacnchs]

My son is 5 and is terrified of learning to swim. We tried swimming lessons in the spring, but he just clung to the side of the pool and refused to participate. We are trying again (I put him in the class for 3-4 year olds because there is parent involvement and it's a gentler introduction.) Most days he refuses to do anything and spends most of the time screaming and crying so loud that I'm surprised we haven't been asked to leave. (It's disrupting classes on the other side of an outdoor Olympic-size pool.)

 

What can I do? Ds lacks courage in many areas, and I feel like it's important that he learn to overcome it. I also feel it's a safety issue when kids don't know how to swim. I don't know how to provide a more gentle approach. Do I need to get tough? Or would that make the panic even worse? Help!

 

My dd was the same way. We got tough in that she needed to trust whomever she was with that that person would not let her fall/drown, etc.

 

We also go to the lake A LOT so we spent a whole summer teaching her to trust her life jacket. Once she was able to trust her life jacket and swim that way, swimming the "real" way was easier for her...just a thought.