Teen's rotten first day at (volunteer) work --- wwyd?

[BamaTanya]

Today our dd put on her new uniform and headed to the local hospital for her summer volunteer job. She was so nervous/excited, she couldn't sleep last night and only sipped hot tea for breakfast.

 

Dd is a shy but polite young lady and I thought a volunteer job would be a good experience to help build her esteem and prepare her for future jobs and college applications. I also assumed her presence would be appreciated and she would be treated well.

 

I was wrong. After the four-hour shift, she walked silently to the car before bursting into tears.

 

I know I'm only hearing one side of the story. But her side goes something like this:

 

The volunteer coordinator led her and the other volunteers to their stations. Dd wasn't working with any other volunteers but was left at a cubby where the dept hospital workers came and went. A woman gave dd something to do (not quite sure what it was) and then noted that dd wasn't doing it right. She said, aloud to other workers in dd's hearing, "I don't know where they get these volunteers. They sure aren't like they used to be!"

 

Instead of helping dd to understand, she took that job from her and said, "Here, count these spoons. We need 100 in each bunch." Or something along those lines.

 

This ignoring alternating with disdain continued through the morning.

 

I know my dd pretty well. She struggles with math and she is shy, but she is not incompetent. She works with the children in SS at church, helps with a bread delivery ministry, does chores around the house, and is eager to please. She attended school for several years, performed in dance and piano recitals, and sometimes made honor roll. She may not have been doing the job right, but she would have if she'd known what to do. Belittling her made her more insecure and frustrated.

 

When we got home, she retreated to her bedroom (after a short explanation) and asked to be alone for a while. Dh later took her out for a smoothie and she's watching a movie.

 

Her new uniform is crumpled on the floor and she says she's not going back. I said I'm sorry she had a rotten day, but that's all I've offered so far.

 

I don't blame her for feeling this way! Other teens are hanging out with friends or glued to their video games and she wanted to volunteer her summer. Knowing her personality, I can't imagine how difficult it will be for her to overcome her nervousness now!

 

I'm tempted to contact the volunteer services coordinator and ask that she be assigned to another area and supervised by someone more helpful. But I don't want to interfere . . . .

 

OTOH, wouldn't that be better than their losing a volunteer and not knowing why?

 

Help! I want to give her wings, but today she fell. :confused:

[newlifemom]

How old is your dd?

 

If she is an older teen, then I think I would have work out her committment. Of course if the behavior becomes truly abusive, I might step in. Sadly, people like this are everywhere, and she will have to face them sometime. I don't know what I would do if she were younger. :grouphug:

[BamaTanya]

This is her first "job."

[Mejane]

Is there any way she could talk to the VC? It would be a great lesson in dealing with people. If she can't do it, you should. The VC needs to know she has such people on her team. :glare:

 

I'm sorry she had such a lousy first experience.

[Julie in CA]

I'm tempted to contact the volunteer services coordinator and ask that she be assigned to another area and supervised by someone more helpful. But I don't want to interfere . . . .

 

OTOH, wouldn't that be better than their losing a volunteer and not knowing why?

 

I would absolutely contact the volunteer services coordinator and try to calmly explain. Yes, dd made a commitment, but there is no way she should be belittled to do a volunteer job! If it doesn't get better, she shouldn't volunteer there. Imo, that's not teaching her to quit, that's teaching her to respect and value herself and her work.

 

Go get 'em, mom!

[Danestress]

That most people who work have run across someone like this at some point, and that people act that way because *they can get away with it.* My sister had a doctor treat her that way when she was doing her student nursing. It took a lot of guts because he was a world renowned doctor and it as a "privilege" to work with him. But she voiced her problems, pursued it, and was finally told that she was awesome to have the guts because he did that to everyone who was placed with him. My sister was a first class student, on a full scholarship to her nurse practitioner's program, and is a great nurse practitioner. She successfully got herself out of that situation and into another one.

 

Your daughter may need you to come along side her as she advocates for herself. But if she can do this, perhaps it will be the best working experience she could have - learning how not be be abused.

[AuntieM]

You absolutely need to go to the Volunteer Coordinator. In fact, at a sizeable hospital, there should be a VC specifically for junior volunteers. Let her know that your dd is not there because she has to rack up community service hours (that is the sole reason for many youth to "volunteer"), but because she actually WANTS to be there. Find out what the assignment options actually are... There should be a number of different places she could serve. If you are getting unsatisfactory answers from te JVC go over her head to the head of the volunteer department.

 

Unfortunately, not all hospital staff members are thrilled to work with volunteers. Your dd needs to be placed where she will be appreciated. You may want to request that she work alongside another experienced youth or adult volunteer until she feels comfortable.

 

While it is a valid point that this is, in a way, a first job, and she should be willing to serve even when the work isn't a ton of fun, she should still feel appreciated for her VOLUNTARY service. Most professional VCs I have worked with would want you to share your concerns with them. They want their volunteer programs to be a success all the way around.

 

If the VC is not willing to work towards a solution, have your dd offer her lovely serving heart to another organization.

 

AuntieM (who was a VC in a former life, has served as a consultant to VCs, and has personally wracked up thousands of hours of volunteer service)

[OrganicAnn]

Welcome to the real world of work. Even when the people are nicer, it can still be difficult and unpleasant. There are books that help you learn how to deal with managers, co-workers, & mean people. There are also mean professors, MILs and store clerks, so it is not just work. She might need some coping skills. Assertiveness training is an idea (I know a lot of adults who go and get assertiveness training to help them with work issues). Good luck.

[Laurie4b]

Yes, this is life, but you don't have to start out with the pits. You can learn gradually. I would call the volunteer and see if you and dd can go in together to talk about the problem before the next volunteer session. I might tell the VC that your dd is shy and you'd like to come to support her, but if possible, you'd like the VC to see if she can draw your dd out. If it works out great, if not, try something else. Yes, there are cruddy bosses, but this is volunteer work. Voluntary. Volunteers should be treated well. It is predictable that they leave if they are not. They are giving their services for free, not taking crap for free.

[Hen]

I volunteered at as a young teen at a children's hospital, while I loved it mostly, I would have benefited from having a parent step in and help me understand where I could fit in, and help me ask what my duties were.

 

I worked with all nice staff, but I was shy and spent days with no direction, I felt like I was wasting my time, I had no "assignment" most of the time. I ended up eventually quitting out of frustration. If you can help her find out what her role is, and where she could work where she would be appreciated, I think you would be doing a really good thing.

[Debora R]

I would talk to dd about it, and definitely contact the VC about the situation. The staff DOES NOT have the right to belittle and humiliate ANYONE. Period. If the VC is not willing to intervene on your daughter's behalf, then perhaps it would be best to serve elsewhere.

[2cents]

I would absolutely contact the volunteer services coordinator and try to calmly explain. Yes, dd made a commitment, but there is no way she should be belittled to do a volunteer job! If it doesn't get better, she shouldn't volunteer there. Imo, that's not teaching her to quit, that's teaching her to respect and value herself and her work.

 

Go get 'em, mom!

 

:iagree: I bet there are some administrators that would like to know that their volunteers are being treated in a shabby manner. I would absolutely call and tell them to reassign her to a more competent mentor or she will find a more receptive and appreciative place to volunteer her time.

[JoyfulMama]

Yes, this is life, but you don't have to start out with the pits. You can learn gradually. I would call the volunteer and see if you and dd can go in together to talk about the problem before the next volunteer session. I might tell the VC that your dd is shy and you'd like to come to support her, but if possible, you'd like the VC to see if she can draw your dd out. If it works out great, if not, try something else. QUOTE]

 

I think this is excellent advise. Your dd deserves an opportunity to voice her concern with her assignment, and might benefit from the support of you there, but not necessarily from you stepping in.

However, everyone can have a bad day. Before the above, I would advise your dd to give it one more shot, with a positive attitude, to see if she is assigned somewhere else. If this is supposed to be her assigned location for the summer, then I think that after she gives it a fair shake (more than one time) she would be well to speak up.

[mcconnellboys]

I agree completely. She should not be belittled for any reason when she is volunteering her summer.

[Starr]

15, first job, still young, give them a call or stop by and see what you can do. Maybe they can find someone for her to buddy with.

[Peela]

I would absolutely contact the volunteer services coordinator and try to calmly explain. Yes, dd made a commitment, but there is no way she should be belittled to do a volunteer job! If it doesn't get better, she shouldn't volunteer there. Imo, that's not teaching her to quit, that's teaching her to respect and value herself and her work.

 

Go get 'em, mom!

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

There's no value in trianing someone to stick at something when they are being treated badly, IMO. She can value herself more than that.

[Remudamom]

Bless her little heart. You don't happen to be in T-town do you? I'll have my brothers ream the nasty coordinator. I've got doctors, administrators and therapist family there.

Edited June 3, 2010 by Remudamom

[staceyobu]

I would encourage her to talk with the VC and ask to be moved or speak with the VC myself. I volunteered at a hospital for years in high school and college. I had many a bad day, but I also had some really, really amazing experiences (like watching pediatric surgery as a high school student and sitting in on grand rounds). I'd encourage her to express her frustrations and see if something can be worked out. Or, maybe she could try another hospital? I know some have much better volunteer services than others.

[tex-mex]

Welcome to the real world of work. Even when the people are nicer, it can still be difficult and unpleasant. There are books that help you learn how to deal with managers, co-workers, & mean people. There are also mean professors, MILs and store clerks, so it is not just work. She might need some coping skills. Assertiveness training is an idea (I know a lot of adults who go and get assertiveness training to help them with work issues). Good luck.

 

:iagree:I'm so sorry your ds went thru that -- and on her first day of volunteering!! Poor thing. It is going to be hard... but she needs to stick it out (life lesson) and fufill her obligation. Quitting on her first day would be a bad decision. I do agree with the assertiveness training or books. And if that person is still difficult at work... then a report needs to be made. Hang in there! :grouphug:

[CLHCO]

Contact the volunteer coordinator, but have your daughter be in on the conversations/interactions, even if it's just to observe. Be fair, honest, and firm, encouraging her to provide input if she can.

 

The REAL learning experience for your daughter is watching how such things are handled. She doesn't need to be treated that way, but she is still too young/inexperienced to know how to handle it. Parents are for guiding them in such situations, which is why we still keep them home at 15. ;) By witnessing how something is to be handled, she'll then have a better idea of how to handle it herself when she gets a bit older, rather than tossing her to the deep end to sink or swim. If you can get her reassigned or at least come to some understanding, I would encourage her to go back. It's like getting back on the horse after being thrown. Just try to find her a gentler horse.

Edited June 3, 2010 by CLHCO

[Blueridge]

Bless her heart. I have had a situation similar to this. While I didn't want my dd to feel as though *MOM* was coming to the rescue so she should just step aside and let me handle things, I stepped along beside her and asked the (abusive) adult 'That I understood there was some kind of misunderstanding, and that I was there to see how we could all clear it up and be productive', or something like that. The adult needed to be sent a clear message that her rude and unprofessional manner with the young people would not be tolerated. My dd was still able to speak responsibly, but I was there to lend support. If the VC continues to show your dd little appreciation, I would take it to the VC's boss with a calm smile and tell him all about it. Your dd can stand on her own two feet, with Mom beside her as advocate.

[Lizzie in Ma]

You absolutely need to go to the Volunteer Coordinator. In fact, at a sizeable hospital, there should be a VC specifically for junior volunteers. Let her know that your dd is not there because she has to rack up community service hours (that is the sole reason for many youth to "volunteer"), but because she actually WANTS to be there. Find out what the assignment options actually are... There should be a number of different places she could serve. If you are getting unsatisfactory answers from te JVC go over her head to the head of the volunteer department.

 

Unfortunately, not all hospital staff members are thrilled to work with volunteers. Your dd needs to be placed where she will be appreciated. You may want to request that she work alongside another experienced youth or adult volunteer until she feels comfortable.

 

While it is a valid point that this is, in a way, a first job, and she should be willing to serve even when the work isn't a ton of fun, she should still feel appreciated for her VOLUNTARY service. Most professional VCs I have worked with would want you to share your concerns with them. They want their volunteer programs to be a success all the way around.

 

If the VC is not willing to work towards a solution, have your dd offer her lovely serving heart to another organization.

 

AuntieM (who was a VC in a former life, has served as a consultant to VCs, and has personally wracked up thousands of hours of volunteer service)

 

Excellent advice. :grouphug::grouphug: for your lovely daughter.

[ereks mom]

You absolutely need to go to the Volunteer Coordinator. In fact, at a sizeable hospital, there should be a VC specifically for junior volunteers. Let her know that your dd is not there because she has to rack up community service hours (that is the sole reason for many youth to "volunteer"), but because she actually WANTS to be there. Find out what the assignment options actually are... There should be a number of different places she could serve. If you are getting unsatisfactory answers from te JVC go over her head to the head of the volunteer department.

 

Unfortunately, not all hospital staff members are thrilled to work with volunteers. Your dd needs to be placed where she will be appreciated. You may want to request that she work alongside another experienced youth or adult volunteer until she feels comfortable.

 

While it is a valid point that this is, in a way, a first job, and she should be willing to serve even when the work isn't a ton of fun, she should still feel appreciated for her VOLUNTARY service. Most professional VCs I have worked with would want you to share your concerns with them. They want their volunteer programs to be a success all the way around.

 

If the VC is not willing to work towards a solution, have your dd offer her lovely serving heart to another organization.

 

AuntieM (who was a VC in a former life, has served as a consultant to VCs, and has personally wracked up thousands of hours of volunteer service)

 

:iagree:

[Teachin'Mine]

I don't think your dd fell at all. She showed up ready and willing to help. The person who belittled her was a disgrace to her uniform.

 

Personally, I'd contact the volunteer coordinator and explain what your daughter told you, and ask if there was someway she could be assigned to someone who is more tolerant of new volunteers. Maybe she could shadow a more seasoned volunteer to learn the ropes. I'd definitely encourage your daughter to go back and not give up. Unfortunately she got a lesson in the reality of the work place. Not everyone is nice, and sometimes even those who are normally nice have a bad day.

 

More ice cream an iron over the uniform, (and a call to the coordinator) and back to work. :grouphug:

[angela in ohio]

You absolutely need to go to the Volunteer Coordinator. In fact, at a sizeable hospital, there should be a VC specifically for junior volunteers. Let her know that your dd is not there because she has to rack up community service hours (that is the sole reason for many youth to "volunteer"), but because she actually WANTS to be there. Find out what the assignment options actually are... There should be a number of different places she could serve. If you are getting unsatisfactory answers from te JVC go over her head to the head of the volunteer department.

 

Unfortunately, not all hospital staff members are thrilled to work with volunteers. Your dd needs to be placed where she will be appreciated. You may want to request that she work alongside another experienced youth or adult volunteer until she feels comfortable.

 

While it is a valid point that this is, in a way, a first job, and she should be willing to serve even when the work isn't a ton of fun, she should still feel appreciated for her VOLUNTARY service. Most professional VCs I have worked with would want you to share your concerns with them. They want their volunteer programs to be a success all the way around.

 

If the VC is not willing to work towards a solution, have your dd offer her lovely serving heart to another organization.

 

AuntieM (who was a VC in a former life, has served as a consultant to VCs, and has personally wracked up thousands of hours of volunteer service)

 

:iagree:

 

I have fond memories of my work as a "Volunteen" at our local hospital. I worked there for five years until I graduated from high school. That was in the old days: we delivered meds to the floors, transported patients, and fed the elderly and babies. Our coordinator just worked with teens, and she was a mentor and a friend. :001_smile:

[J-rap]

Grrrr.. that really burns me up to read that! I definitely wouldn't just send her back. She deserves to be treated better than that. True -- she will run across that throughout her life, but this isn't even a paid job -- she is volunteering her time! And even though at some point your daughter will need to handle things like that on her own, you will probably need to step in this time. She will still learn by seeing how you handle it. I would either call or stop by to visit with the volunteer coordinator. Just explain how this is your daughter's first job, and how unkindly she was treated. Maybe there is a way they can make sure your daughter is never assigned to work on the days that the "crabby" person is working. You can tell the coordinator that your daughter really would like to give it another try, but only if she is assigned to work with someone kind who is willing take her under her wing.

 

Also, and I think this is H-U-G-E. Make sure your daughter knows it is not HER, your daughter, that is the problem. Explain to her that it was the "crabby" person who was in the wrong and who has the problem! But, I would also go beyond that, and talk to your daughter about how we never really know what goes on behind a person's unpleasantness. Maybe they lead a very difficult life at home. Maybe they have a husband who tells them everything they do is wrong. Anyway, this does not justify it, but it might help your daughter to take it not quite as hard.

[Tea Time]

:iagree:

 

I have fond memories of my work as a "Volunteen" at our local hospital. I worked there for five years until I graduated from high school. That was in the old days: we delivered meds to the floors, transported patients, and fed the elderly and babies. Our coordinator just worked with teens, and she was a mentor and a friend. :001_smile:

 

That is exactly what I was thinking it would be like for my dd when she did it some years ago. While my dd was not treated abusively, it was more or less a waste of her time. They gave her all the boring and undesirable tasks. She spent hours collating papers in a back room. She had zero interaction with patients (insurance issues I think), and zero interaction with medical professionals. She got zero sense of what a medical career might be like. The only positive thing was the time she spent in the gift shop listening to the elderly man that worked there talk about his life experiences. He was lonely and needy and she listened to him. That was enjoyable, mostly, for her. But it could just as easily have been negative, too, depending on what he shared with her. I felt like it was a wasted opportunity for her and also for the hospital.

 

I have been trying to volunteer myself this summer (not at a hospital), and I have been quite surprised at how difficult it has been. People, apparently, do not really have a clear vision for volunteer workers - what is appropriate to ask and what is taking advantage. I have been trying to figure it all out myself. Maybe my expectations are not realistic, but if I was in a position to have volunteers in my work force, I would be very clear about the similarities but also the differences in how those positions were handled in comparison to the paid positions. And this is especially true for the youngsters who were volunteering!

 

As a side note, I have noticed with my older teens a sort of "ageist" attitude among some "adults." Sometimes they really do treat my children in ways that I do not think they would ever treat another "adult." We saw this in Europe, too, where my dd was studying. No doubt adults get frustrated with immature teens, they are part of the problem that young people face transitioning to adulthood. They are taking out frustrations with a system that fails kids on the kids themselves, IMO. Therefore, I do think it is appropriate for you to step in if needed. Sorry this happened to your dd!

[angela in ohio]

That is exactly what I was thinking it would be like for my dd when she did it some years ago. While my dd was not treated abusively, it was more or less a waste of her time. They gave her all the boring and undesirable tasks. She spent hours collating papers in a back room. She had zero interaction with patients (insurance issues I think), and zero interaction with medical professionals. She got zero sense of what a medical career might be like.

 

I don't think there will be any volunteer positions like I had, and it's not really the hospital's fault. Things are more legal now. :001_smile: Because of privacy issues, etc., I can't imagine getting a volunteer position and doing the things we did as non-employees anymore. There should still be some newpaper/flower delivery positions out there in hospitals, but they probably go to adult volunteers. As you said, expectations are low for teens. The bahavior of some teens and the media portrayal of teens will definitely hurt our dc, until they can prove themselves to people.

 

OP, you could try having her volunteer at a summer program for special needs students. That's what my dc do. It is incredibly rewarding! You could also try calling the school and finding out about her reading to or tutoring special needs students during the year. Try to talk directly to the teacher, not school staff. ;) If she has a heart for elderly patients, a local senior center would be just the place. She can help serve meals possibly, or read, talk, or play games.

[Cindyg]

I would absolutely contact the volunteer services coordinator and try to calmly explain. Yes, dd made a commitment, but there is no way she should be belittled to do a volunteer job! If it doesn't get better, she shouldn't volunteer there. Imo, that's not teaching her to quit, that's teaching her to respect and value herself and her work.

 

Go get 'em, mom!

 

I agree. I'd ask her to try again. Perhaps it will look different another day. But if it's a loser situation, I would not hold her to THEIR failure. Some other worthy organization would be delighted to have her help.