Church and youth groups. WWYD?

[Oney Jones]

We go to Church A. Boys want to go to youth group at Church B. There are a few differences in doctrine between A and B. Youth groups meet at the same time on the same night so going to both is not an option.

 

What do you think? Would you be okay with your kids attending a youth group of another church?

[Margo out of lurking]

It would depend on the doctrinal issues and how heavily they were emphasized. Most importantly to me would be if the youth group is healthy, with strong, Biblical leadership. How does their faith play out in the lives of the kids and the leaders? Youth group is *not* about social hour and going on fun outings. What do your kids not like about the group at your church?

 

We just left a church over the youth group. I have issues. :glare: It doesn't matter how solid our church teaching is--our youth group is poison, and dh and I believed our kids' spiritual futures were in grave danger if we stayed. I wish it hadn't come to this, but it's the first time I've had any peace in months.

[Mama2Three]

If the youth group was so compelling at church B and depending on the significance of the doctrinal differences, I would consider switching churches.

[ciyates]

I know many people that go to one church and send their kids to another for youth group. For us it would depend on what those issues are? I would talk to the YP and see how they are handled.

[The Girls' Mom]

Personally, I wouldn't. If I didn't agree with a church's doctrine enough to attend, I certainly wouldn't hand them my children. (Youth groups and their let's have fun all the time mentality are a bit of a sore spot for me anyway)

[Impish]

Personally, I wouldn't. If I didn't agree with a church's doctrine enough to attend, I certainly wouldn't hand them my children.

:iagree:

[NanceXToo]

I should preface this by confessing that we do not even go to church to begin with (and aren't Christian).

 

With that said, I imagine that I would just be glad that my kids had an interest in attending youth group and would allow them to go to the one of their choosing, assuming there is nothing about that particular church or youth group that you are really in some sort of moral disagreement over.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I wouldn't be okay with it. A few months ago, I was bringin my dds to a youth group in another church here that a friend of our attends with basically the same doctrinal views as our church. That was because, at the time, our church didn't have a youth group for our kids and it was important to us that they get out of our house a little and get to know other kids. (Just the nature of our life here)

 

Our church has since started a youth group and now our kids go to our church. I believe in supporting the ministries of the church family we have decided to attend and be a part of. It's important to support your chosen church family.

[Greta Lea]

I couldn't do it. Doctrine is too important.

[Joanne]

My children attended another church YG for a couple of years since our (then) church did not have a youth population. We've since left the original church and joined the one where the children attend YG. It's not "me", but it is my DH and the kids, so I will happily attend until it's time to make a change.

 

I find the anti-yg sentiment to be cumbersome and I believe YG is supposed to be lighthearted, fun and engaging. Teen-drama is everywhere, so my decisions wouldn't be based on lack of drama but how it is identified and managed.

 

My children have a *lifetime* for seriousness, "study", "doctrine", etc. Let them play dodgeball.

[Whereneverever]

No, I wouldn't. I'd be worried about the other church using their youth group as an evangelism tool- and I wouldn't want my kids in the middle.

Is getting involved with your current church's youth an option and helping improve the program?

[Sahamamama]

We go to Church A. Boys want to go to youth group at Church B. There are a few differences in doctrine between A and B. Youth groups meet at the same time on the same night so going to both is not an option.

 

What do you think? Would you be okay with your kids attending a youth group of another church?

 

I would be okay with my young adults wanting (1) to grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ, (2) to fellowship in a healthy way with other young adults wanting the same, (3) to reach out to the community with the gospel, or (4) to be mentored by a healthy, biblical leadership team of seasoned, mature adults. I would not be okay with an "entertainment model" youth group.

 

OTOH, I would want to know why they do not want to go to the youth group of the local church body where your family belongs? Do they feel excluded? unloved? unchallenged? condescended to? Do they have friends in the other group? Do they think the other group is more "cool" and do they want to hang out with those people? Is it about the activities and trips and music styles at the other church, or about what's happening there spiritually? Is it a "personality" issue, or are they sincerely desiring to grow spiritually and feel they could do this more with the other fellowship?

 

There are too many factors involved to just say "yes" or "no," apart from delving deeper into why they want to go to Y.G.B., instead of Y.G.A.

 

Here's a link that made me think: http://www.familyministries.com/

 

Click at the top on "Articles," then scroll down. It's the article under "Church Ministries" about Youth Ministries. I basically agree with this. It's well worth reading in its entirety. I would involve my "teens" -- really, young men and young women -- in the fellowship that most closely aligns to these principles. HTH.

Edited May 31, 2010 by Sahamamama

[Oney Jones]

It would depend on the doctrinal issues and how heavily they were emphasized. Most importantly to me would be if the youth group is healthy, with strong, Biblical leadership. How does their faith play out in the lives of the kids and the leaders? Youth group is *not* about social hour and going on fun outings. What do your kids not like about the group at your church?[/Quote]

 

Gosh. Really? (Not being snarky here, honestly.) I thought it was for giving kids of the church a place to have fellowship and develop friendships with each other.

 

 

We just left a church over the youth group. I have issues. :glare: It doesn't matter how solid our church teaching is--our youth group is poison, and dh and I believed our kids' spiritual futures were in grave danger if we stayed. I wish it hadn't come to this, but it's the first time I've had any peace in months.

 

Oh my gosh. Does your church have a youth minister? At our church (Church A) we have a new youth minister whom we just met yesterday.

 

Will you PM me with the reasons you feel your youth group is "poison?"

[Oney Jones]

Personally, I wouldn't. If I didn't agree with a church's doctrine enough to attend, I certainly wouldn't hand them my children. (Youth groups and their let's have fun all the time mentality are a bit of a sore spot for me anyway)

 

Hi Apryl,

 

I'm seeing this common thought among parents of youth lately. Why?

[Oney Jones]

I should preface this by confessing that we do not even go to church to begin with (and aren't Christian).

 

With that said, I imagine that I would just be glad that my kids had an interest in attending youth group and would allow them to go to the one of their choosing, assuming there is nothing about that particular church or youth group that you are really in some sort of moral disagreement over.

 

I appreciate your honesty. :)

[Oney Jones]

I wouldn't be okay with it. A few months ago, I was bringin my dds to a youth group in another church here that a friend of our attends with basically the same doctrinal views as our church. That was because, at the time, our church didn't have a youth group for our kids and it was important to us that they get out of our house a little and get to know other kids. (Just the nature of our life here)

 

Our church has since started a youth group and now our kids go to our church. I believe in supporting the ministries of the church family we have decided to attend and be a part of. It's important to support your chosen church family.

 

That 's a valid point in my estimation. I really do feel a little sheepish when we drop them off at Chruch B youth group.

[Oney Jones]

My children attended another church YG for a couple of years since our (then) church did not have a youth population. We've since left the original church and joined the one where the children attend YG. It's not "me", but it is my DH and the kids, so I will happily attend until it's time to make a change.

 

I find the anti-yg sentiment to be cumbersome and I believe YG is supposed to be lighthearted, fun and engaging. Teen-drama is everywhere, so my decisions wouldn't be based on lack of drama but how it is identified and managed.

 

My children have a *lifetime* for seriousness, "study", "doctrine", etc. Let them play dodgeball.

 

I tend to agree. --Especially the dodgeball ;) I thought that Sunday school and Bible studies were for the theological training and youth group was so that like-minded kids would have a place/reason to hang out and form friendships.

 

What say you about church camp? We have that decision looming as well and of course, it is for yet another church...one that I do have some serious misgivings about. That one is not going to happen.

[Oney Jones]

No, I wouldn't. I'd be worried about the other church using their youth group as an evangelism tool- and I wouldn't want my kids in the middle. [/Quote]

 

You know this is something to think about. Honestly, (and shame on me) I do not know much about their doctrine but for one thing and it's something I think I can handle if it comes up.

 

Is getting involved with your current church's youth an option and helping improve the program?

 

Our Church A youth program has been without a youth minister for about 18 months or so. Two fathers of youth have done their best to keep it going. Just yesterday our new youth minister was introduced to our congregation and the "youth dads" hosted a bbq to welcome new youth minister and his wife.

 

I don't know that it is so much of "improving" the ministry and group as it is just getting my boys involved and okay with it. Church A youth group is active, several kids, they go to concerts, have activities... I doubt that a couple of fuddy-duddies like Rick and I could do much to enhance it. More than likely we'd just embarrass our boys. Unintentionally of course. :lol:

[StephanieZ]

I, too, left our church over yg issues. I had advocated for development of a yg but when we got a new priest, she immediately chose a 20sth young man who I didn't know (despite being at weekly services nearly every week for several years in a small congregation) to lead it. . . Upon inquiry, it became clear that his religious views were NOT consistent with mine (nor with the church itself!) and the priest did NOT plan for adequate safety/supervision in the group. Further, she (the priest) became very defensive and angry when I questioned the safety of the situation she was proposing and asked for more consideration of possibilities (more supervision, background checks, etc.) It became clear to me that if we continued attending church while withholding my dc from the new yg, it would create disharmony and tension in the church at a vital time for unity (new priest). . . and that I could NOT allow my dc to participate in the yg under any circumstances.

 

With great sadness, we stopped going to church. We're still looking for a new one, or may return to this one eventually. It is sad. We live in a small community with few choices that align with dh's and my religious perspectives.

 

More to the point, I would NOT allow my dc under 17 years of age to attend a church w/o me -- yg, or whatever. Period. When a friend invites them to church or yg or whatever, my answer is No, No, Absolutely Not. Nonnegotiable. I will go pick them up before church starts, or they can have the playdate on another night, or whatever. . . but no church activities or services w/o me. Period.

 

My dc will not be evangelized w/o me there to interpret/deflect/take notes on what to discuss at home. Period.

 

If my dc had a strong desire to visit a church, I would make time to go with them to services. If, after attending services several times, and meeting the priest/minister/youth minister/etc. . . the church seemed safe & acceptable to me (I am not completely inflexible) and the child was still interested, then I'd be OK w/ dc attending the youth group. I would want to maintain a presence in the church myself and make sure I understood what the church was about. I would consider making it our family church if it was "close enough" to being an appropriate place for us.

 

Around age 17 or so, I will let my dc go in that regard and would *allow* them to go whereever they wished. . . but would still go with them if the child welcomed it.

[Oney Jones]

 

OTOH, I would want to know why they do not want to go to the youth group of the local church body where your family belongs? Do they feel excluded? unloved? unchallenged? condescended to? Do they have friends in the other group? Do they think the other group is more "cool" and do they want to hang out with those people? Is it about the activities and trips and music styles at the other church, or about what's happening there spiritually? Is it a "personality" issue, or are they sincerely desiring to grow spiritually and feel they could do this more with the other fellowship?

 

There are too many factors involved to just say "yes" or "no," apart from delving deeper into why they want to go to Y.G.B., instead of Y.G.A.

 

Here's a link that made me think: http://www.familyministries.com/

 

Click at the top on "Articles," then scroll down. It's the article under "Church Ministries" about Youth Ministries. I basically agree with this. It's well worth reading in its entirety. I would involve my "teens" -- really, young men and young women -- in the fellowship that most closely aligns to these principles. HTH.

 

Good questions (and thanks for the link to the article.) I honestly do not know why. My oldest said the YGB kids are friendlier but really I can't imagine that knowing the parents and kids from our church.

 

There is a girl (you knew there was more, right??) who/whom/whose:

1) Ethan enjoys hanging around with

2) Goes to yet another church (not the YGB church)

3) Goes to YGB

4) mom is not (but was at one time) Christian

5) Ethan would like to invite to attend church with us at Chruch A

6) is planning (and wants Ethan to attend) to attend Chruch C's summer church camp.

 

This is getting so obnoxiously silly. And confusing.

[The Girls' Mom]

Hi Apryl,

 

I'm seeing this common thought among parents of youth lately. Why?

 

 

For us it's a few reasons. We have visted many churches (due to a move out of state, and just trying to find a place to serve God) and we see the same problems over and over.

 

There are many parents who leave biblical training of their children up to the church. Churches are feeding into this with the youth ministry mentality. Which if they used youth ministry for actual discipleship, it could be helpful. However, the youth at many churches we've been to are almost completely segregated from the church as a whole, and then their 'entertain me' mentality is fed. I've seen very little fruitful training in youth groups. It's all about making friends, and getting kids to church. But once they get them there, they aren't doing anything productive. Churches need to focus much more on teaching parents how to disciple their children.

 

Then, there is the fact that they are making the youth programs look so much like the rest of the world. Recreational dating, bullying, materialism, they are all rampant in the youth groups. Leaders seem to be doing very little to discourage these things, and in some cases the environment actually encourages it. Youth ministers seem to be seriously dropping the ball when it comes to teaching teens how to LIVE as Christians, not just carry the label around.

 

Then there are the five billion camps, programs, etc. that they promote like your salvation depends on them. It's frustrating to me when they 'advertise' all these fun and exciting camps and so-called mission trips that cost an arm and a leg, and end up being little more than church sanctioned vacations. Then if your children do not go to these things, they get left out of the group friendships that revolve around these activities.

 

I'm not against Christian teens getting together to have fun. I like to get together with friends and have fun too. But it shouldn't be the focus of church. God isn't there for our entertainment, but that's how He is being presented to the youth in many churches. If a church wants to set up a recreational program for youth to get together, fine. But they shouldn't make it the foundation of the youth program.

[m0mmaBuck]

My children attended another church YG for a couple of years since our (then) church did not have a youth population. We've since left the original church and joined the one where the children attend YG. It's not "me", but it is my DH and the kids, so I will happily attend until it's time to make a change.

 

I find the anti-yg sentiment to be cumbersome and I believe YG is supposed to be lighthearted, fun and engaging. Teen-drama is everywhere, so my decisions wouldn't be based on lack of drama but how it is identified and managed.

 

My children have a *lifetime* for seriousness, "study", "doctrine", etc. Let them play dodgeball.

 

My Church does it's youth education via homeschool only. There is no YG, no community CCD, no gathering of the children away from the adults. The parents get the materials from the Church, teach the children on their own schedules, and come back for a monthly meeting/report session. In order for my son to have a YG to take part in, I send him to my inlaws church for AWANAS and VBS. They don't have the same doctrine but they are still Christian and as long as they aren't trying to confuse my son by bashing my Church (which they don't--they keep their YG's and VBS very nondenominational), I don't mind. I think it's great that DS has that night each week and a fun week in the summer where religion includes fun and fellowship on a child's level.

[Oney Jones]

 

There are many parents who leave biblical training of their children up to the church. Churches are feeding into this with the youth ministry mentality. Which if they used youth ministry for actual discipleship, it could be helpful. However, the youth at many churches we've been to are almost completely segregated from the church as a whole, and then their 'entertain me' mentality is fed. I've seen very little fruitful training in youth groups. It's all about making friends, and getting kids to church. But once they get them there, they aren't doing anything productive. Churches need to focus much more on teaching parents how to disciple their children.

 

Then, there is the fact that they are making the youth programs look so much like the rest of the world. Recreational dating, bullying, materialism, they are all rampant in the youth groups. Leaders seem to be doing very little to discourage these things, and in some cases the environment actually encourages it. Youth ministers seem to be seriously dropping the ball when it comes to teaching teens how to LIVE as Christians, not just carry the label around.

 

Then there are the five billion camps, programs, etc. that they promote like your salvation depends on them. It's frustrating to me when they 'advertise' all these fun and exciting camps and so-called mission trips that cost an arm and a leg, and end up being little more than church sanctioned vacations. Then if your children do not go to these things, they get left out of the group friendships that revolve around these activities.

I'm not against Christian teens getting together to have fun. I like to get together with friends and have fun too. But it shouldn't be the focus of church. God isn't there for our entertainment, but that's how He is being presented to the youth in many churches. If a church wants to set up a recreational program for youth to get together, fine. But they shouldn't make it the foundation of the youth program.

 

Ahh. Yes. I see and understand. I can agree with this as well.

 

:confused:

 

Apryl, thank you for explaining. :)

[Guest janainaz]

God isn't there for our entertainment, but that's how He is being presented to the youth in many churches. If a church wants to set up a recreational program for youth to get together, fine. But they shouldn't make it the foundation of the youth program.

 

 

The reason we know God is through knowing people. God put people here for us to form relationships with, to have fun with, to be social with, to connect with, to enjoy life with, to bear burdens of one another, and through all of that, we learn to know and understand who God is. God is there for us to know and you do that through real relationships with people.

 

As far as allowing your child to attend a church group that is a bit different from your own - based on my view, issues in doctrine are a non-issue when it comes to getting to know the heart of another person. Jesus made EVERYONE his friend. I think he'd probably ask you what you're so afraid of in allowing your kid to attend another Christian denomination. He didn't come to divide us......

[QueenCat]

As far as allowing your child to attend a church group that is a bit different from your own - based on my view, issues in doctrine are a non-issue when it comes to getting to know the heart of another person. Jesus made EVERYONE his friend. I think he'd probably ask you what you're so afraid of in allowing your kid to attend another Christian denomination. He didn't come to divide us......

 

:iagree: to a point.... as long as it's not something so far out there that it is cultish..... for us, yg is about fellowship with other Christians. We don't just fellowship with Methodists.... we have friends of other denominations, and we don't think a like on it all but we all acknowledge the most important thing, Jesus is our Savior. Our yg does some biblical studies but also does fun things. Wed. night and Sunday morning are biblical studies. Sunday night is pure fun and fellowship in a safe setting. If kids bring their friends to yg, and we know they have a home church, they are not sent materials inviting them to our church. If they don't have a home church, we send them some materials, and ask if they want to be on our mailing list. The youth director makes a point of inviting the families to attend worship. We find the soft approach brings more families through our doors, and keeps them coming, than a hard sell approach.

[The Girls' Mom]

The reason we know God is through knowing people. God put people here for us to form relationships with, to have fun with, to be social with, to connect with, to enjoy life with, to bear burdens of one another, and through all of that, we learn to know and understand who God is. God is there for us to know and you do that through real relationships with people.

 

 

 

I agree with that 100%. But that isn't the problem I have with youth groups. It's the segregation from the rest of the church, and the break down of teaching what a Christian should be. It's why we've had such a hard time finding a church. We expect to be able to build relationships with a church family as a whole, not have our kids divided up just like at school. And we would like to see sound Biblical teaching, not church-lite with an entertainment focus.

 

Sorry, this is meandering off-topic a bit. :tongue_smilie:

[mom4him]

Personally, I wouldn't. If I didn't agree with a church's doctrine enough to attend, I certainly wouldn't hand them my children. (Youth groups and their let's have fun all the time mentality are a bit of a sore spot for me anyway)

:iagree:This is where I would be.

[fhjmom]

After the follow-up post, it sounds like it is mainly about the girl, and if that is the reason, then no, I would not allow him to miss your own church activities to attend a different church's YG. If you are okay with the relationship, I would encourage him to invite the girl to your youth group.

 

I am of the mind set that it is up to the members of the church to make a ministry successful. If you want something to happen in the church, it is up to you to make it happen ("you" being a general, collective you, not the OP specifically). I think youth tend to have the attitude of showing up to be entertained and depending on a youth pastor to be the heart of the youth group. When the youth themselves are not ministering to each other and depend soley on the YP, then those times that a YP moves on become a serious hardship for that group. It sounds like maybe your church has experienced that and intsead of bailing on their own group, this is the time that they are needed even more.

 

If I truly thought that our own youth group would not meet the spiritual needs of my DC, then I would seek my husband's guidance in considering looking for a new church, one that our while family would be engaged in active ministry in our respective areas. In your case, it doesn't sound like that is neccessarily church B either because of the doctrinal issues.

 

I also wanted to clairfy, I don't think this neccessarily applies to those situations where you attend a church that does not offer a certain activity and you send your children to a church with similar doctrinal beliefs that do not conflict with your own church schedule. The example of AWANA's given before would fit this scenario.

[sheryl]

We go to Church A. Boys want to go to youth group at Church B. There are a few differences in doctrine between A and B. Youth groups meet at the same time on the same night so going to both is not an option.

 

What do you think? Would you be okay with your kids attending a youth group of another church?

 

 

I have a friend and 2-3 of her 4 kids go to a different church. I'm mixed on this. If they are drinking the milk and eating the Word in a seperate church, then it can't be bad. But that is IF they are "receiving the Word". To me, on the other hand, parents should still parent their teen kids and go as a family together to church. The down side is that it "seems" to split (albeit good intentions of "hopefully learning the Word) the family and cause divisiveness...that's not want God wants. Very hard question.

 

I'm really just not certain. I see pros and cons to both.

[Jan in SC]

Youth groups must vary greatly among denominations. In our church we have Sunday School, which is divided by age, then church, where everyone attends together. On Sunday afternoons or evenings, we have youth group. There is a middle school group and a high school group. Usually there is a Bible study one week, a service project the next week, a fun outing on the third week, and a dinner with musical instruments and singing on the last week. Some times the two groups meet together and sometimes they don't.

 

Sunday school is always a Bible study, usually an ongoing topic. During 6th -

8th grade there are three different levels of Confirmation. This occurs on Wednesday nights and some weekend retreats.

 

If your children want to go to a Sunday evening youth group at another church and are still actively participating in your church, then I wouldn't have an issue. I would visit and meet with the youth leader first.

[Guest janainaz]

I agree with that 100%. But that isn't the problem I have with youth groups. It's the segregation from the rest of the church, and the break down of teaching what a Christian should be. It's why we've had such a hard time finding a church. We expect to be able to build relationships with a church family as a whole, not have our kids divided up just like at school. And we would like to see sound Biblical teaching, not church-lite with an entertainment focus.

 

Sorry, this is meandering off-topic a bit. :tongue_smilie:

 

I don't think church was EVER meant to be so complicated and such a source of strife, stress, and worry. The message of the gospel was that we are one, and that we are meant to love one another, and to live forgiven. If Jesus said that alone fulfilled the law, why can't one family get together with another family and just enjoy each other, laugh together, and genuinely learn to love one another. Help one another in times of need and be the gospel instead of reading about it all the time. I don't understand all these concerns about this denomination and that denomination, this group or that, music A as opposed to music B, what does it matter in the end? People are people and were put here to be loved. Period. Not to be recruited or judged, just loved. Religions, programs, buildings, and the rest just serve to be distractions from what Christ came here to show us. Truth is pure and truth is simple. Truth is not complicated. Yet, the modern day church has done great harm in serving to divide the people. How can people be one when they live in fear and bicker over the right doctrine? The RIGHT doctrine is this: love one another, love God, for this alone fulfills the law.

[simka2]

I think the doctrinal differences would make for some very good conversations. The questions I would be asking are..."Is the YG healthy? Are there opportunities for missions trips?" and, "are there any women's events at that church I might want to get involved with?"

[May]

My dc have visited other youth groups with their friends. But, no, we wouldn't let our children attend on a permanent basis a youth group in which our churches had doctrinal differences.

[QueenCat]

I agree with that 100%. But that isn't the problem I have with youth groups. It's the segregation from the rest of the church, and the break down of teaching what a Christian should be. It's why we've had such a hard time finding a church. We expect to be able to build relationships with a church family as a whole, not have our kids divided up just like at school. And we would like to see sound Biblical teaching, not church-lite with an entertainment focus.

 

Sorry, this is meandering off-topic a bit. :tongue_smilie:

 

I guess I don't understand why you feel like everything should be together, as a whole church. I like that some things we do are whole families, and some are separated. When things are geared towards ones developmental level, like in age groups for Children and youth Sunday School, things can be presented at the social and intellectual levels of those groups. We look at our church as a place for both worship, biblical study and fellowship (so the social, fun stuff is important too). And for fellowship, I'd be concerned we'd lose teenagers if they never got to do their own thing. Very few teenagers I know, and most are Christians, want to be with their family all the time. They need time away, and the church is a good place for that kind of fellowship.

[Laurie4b]

It would depend to me on what you mean by differences in doctrine. If I were to draw a diagram of doctrinal issues, some things would be in the center circle and these things would be shared by all Christian groups, the middle ring would be less "core" but perhaps not within my comfort zone for my child to attenda group with these beliefs, and the outer core would have lots of beliefs that are doctrinal differences, but would be fine with me if my kid were exposed to or came to believe differently than our family does.

 

I think if your child regularly attends youth group at another church, that you should strongly consider supporting that church financially, in prayer, and by helping with youth group events, even if you stay with your own church. Ideally, however, I think that families should attend church together, but better for your teens to attend a different church within your comfort zone doctrinally than to "check out" of church altgother at a critical time.

 

We are fortunate to have a really solid youth group at our church, but some kids from our church still choose to go to another one--mostly because of friendship issues. (We have multiple high schools within about 30 min driving distance, so one's peers can be really split between church and school .) OTOH, a significant number of kids attend our church youth group whose parents go somewhere else. Our youth group leader really encourages kids to go to youth group where their parents attend church, but if that just isn't a fit, they are welcome at ours.

 

The youth group leaders in our area get together regularly to fellowship together. They have in mind the discipleship of all the youth in our area, rather than building their own "program" at the expense of others. The attitude is cooperative, not competitive. Building the kingdom is more important than building one's own church.

[TravelingChris]

Actually I am thinking of having my girls attend YG at another church. Why? Because our YG is not meeting their needs and it is far away from us. Specifically, our one dd does not get along with the youth leader's wife and refuses to go. We may let them go with a local homeschool family to their YG or another local homeschool family to their YG. Both YG are mostly fellowship oriented but regardless, I don't have doctrinal issues with either. Why don't we change churches? Well, we only live here a short while and with that, we don;t feel we should be changing churches. THe only issue we have is the youth group because of the one person plus the topics are irrelevant to our girls. The recent topics had to do with school culture and modern teen culture of which they are not a part of.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I wouldn't be okay with it. A few months ago, I was bringin my dds to a youth group in another church here that a friend of our attends with basically the same doctrinal views as our church. That was because, at the time, our church didn't have a youth group for our kids and it was important to us that they get out of our house a little and get to know other kids. (Just the nature of our life here)

 

Our church has since started a youth group and now our kids go to our church. I believe in supporting the ministries of the church family we have decided to attend and be a part of. It's important to support your chosen church family.

 

After giving some thought to this post, I think I should probably disclose that I come from the point of view of a pastor's daughter and a youth pastor's wife. It may have schewed my view point a bit, but, there it is. I take nothing back.

[Oney Jones]

As far as allowing your child to attend a church group that is a bit different from your own - based on my view, issues in doctrine are a non-issue when it comes to getting to know the heart of another person. Jesus made EVERYONE his friend. I think he'd probably ask you what you're so afraid of in allowing your kid to attend another Christian denomination. He didn't come to divide us......

 

Point well taken. :)

[Oney Jones]

I don't think church was EVER meant to be so complicated and such a source of strife, stress, and worry.

 

The RIGHT doctrine is this: love one another, love God, for this alone fulfills the law.

 

Amen to that.

 

Micah 6:8 is my favorite verse.

[Terabith]

I actually think it can be a really good thing for kids to go to youth group at a different church. It is a great way to talk about issues of doctrine in a natural way. And I think that it can allow kids to "own" their faith in a personal way that might be harder at their parents' church. I attended youth group at a different church from the one we attended when I was a teenager, and I honestly credit that with keeping me from leaving the church in the way that is so common for older teens/ young 20's.

 

Sometimes a church that fits some members of the family just isn't as good of a fit for other members. And that's okay, assuming the doctrinal issues are not huge things you can't deal with.

[QueenCat]

I actually think it can be a really good thing for kids to go to youth group at a different church. It is a great way to talk about issues of doctrine in a natural way. And I think that it can allow kids to "own" their faith in a personal way that might be harder at their parents' church. I attended youth group at a different church from the one we attended when I was a teenager, and I honestly credit that with keeping me from leaving the church in the way that is so common for older teens/ young 20's.

 

Sometimes a church that fits some members of the family just isn't as good of a fit for other members. And that's okay, assuming the doctrinal issues are not huge things you can't deal with.

 

So many excellent points!

[jewellsmommy]

I would primarily be against the idea for a few reasons. But, it also depends on what function church serves in your life.

 

For our family, I would say no because:

1. If it is about a girl, a boy, a bff then what happens when they get over that person or move on to another? Do you let them jump groups again? What message does this send?

 

2. Worship is something we do as a family. Even if we are in different rooms, we belong in the same church that God led us to as a family.

 

3. To model our family's view of how church functions in our life. We believe that God leads us to where He wants us and we don't leave there until/unless God leads us to.

 

But, I say this knowing that church may hold different "views/function" in other people's lives, so it is hard to answer for someone else.

 

I personally dislike seeing youth "chase" the next best thing in ygs. It makes ygs think that they should compete for yths attention. It distracts from the main purpose of a yg. Too many try to be flashy and fun and are all about drawing the biggest crowd and not about what to do with those young lives. I do not want to teach my dd to view church as "how will you entertain me today" and "if you don't say what I like to hear, then I'll go somewhere else."

 

I know some think it is about fun and games, and ygs should include this but not be the sole function. It is about training and modeling for healthy church and Jesus relations later. After all, the church is the model for the bride of Christ in the Bible.

[The Girls' Mom]

I guess I don't understand why you feel like everything should be together, as a whole church. I like that some things we do are whole families, and some are separated. When things are geared towards ones developmental level, like in age groups for Children and youth Sunday School, things can be presented at the social and intellectual levels of those groups. We look at our church as a place for both worship, biblical study and fellowship (so the social, fun stuff is important too). And for fellowship, I'd be concerned we'd lose teenagers if they never got to do their own thing. Very few teenagers I know, and most are Christians, want to be with their family all the time. They need time away, and the church is a good place for that kind of fellowship.

 

 

Sometimes getting ideas across in a message board is tough.

 

I don't think the family should be together ALL the time. But what I often see is a youth group doing EVERYTHING separately. They even sit separately during worship. It's like the youth are treated as a separate church altogether. Yes, I think they should OFTEN do things with the entire family at church. I don't think everything should be tailored to the teen. Teens are capable of participating in adult worship and service. Instead, they are often getting a watered down feel good message coupled with snacks and games. I don't think that is doing them any good. (and yes, I know this isn't the case at all churches, but I've seen it more often than not)

 

Yes, age appropriate classes are important. I'm not talking about Sunday school. And I don't think it's wrong to have events for fun. What I don't agree with is wrapping every single thing a teen does at church into a youth group geared towards fun and entertainment. It's a time of life that they can be productive participants in serving Christ.

 

Parents should be involved in the church their children attend, and know what goes on in the youth groups. I don't think it's crucial for a teen to spend large amounts of time with other teens. I don't think the huge amount of separation in the church is needed, or helpful. Youth groups have their place and and uses, but they are not vital to a healthy church.

 

I think church as a supportive community of Christians is being replaced by an institution. There isn't a sense of community in many churches. It's turned into a place where you walk through the door, go your separate ways and learn things you never apply to your real life outside. People can attend the same church for years, and never even know half the congregation.

 

I don't think church was EVER meant to be so complicated and such a source of strife, stress, and worry. The message of the gospel was that we are one, and that we are meant to love one another, and to live forgiven. If Jesus said that alone fulfilled the law, why can't one family get together with another family and just enjoy each other, laugh together, and genuinely learn to love one another. Help one another in times of need and be the gospel instead of reading about it all the time. I don't understand all these concerns about this denomination and that denomination, this group or that, music A as opposed to music B, what does it matter in the end? People are people and were put here to be loved. Period. Not to be recruited or judged, just loved. Religions, programs, buildings, and the rest just serve to be distractions from what Christ came here to show us. Truth is pure and truth is simple. Truth is not complicated. Yet, the modern day church has done great harm in serving to divide the people. How can people be one when they live in fear and bicker over the right doctrine? The RIGHT doctrine is this: love one another, love God, for this alone fulfills the law.

 

 

I'm not saying to nitpick over every little thing. My issues are exactly what you are getting at. Love God and love one another are getting seriously overlooked in the youth groups that I've seen. It's become a race to out entertain the world to keep them coming. I see very little love for one another, or to love God more than your stuff being successfully promoted. What I do see is the whole say a prayer, bam you're saved, now bring friends so we can get our numbers up. I would love to find a church that has it's heart and soul built on love for God and His people. We just haven't really seen it yet. (although we are hoping the one we attend right now turns out to be that way...we haven't been there long enough to know yet.) I want to see a church that pratices true acceptance of all people that want to come to Christ, no matter what their background. And I want to see that church promote the family, not a teen based culture.

 

And for the record, I'm not against youth groups in general. I'm just disappointed in what I see them producing. I know there are good groups out there, that have strong leaders. But there are many more out there that are not places I want my girls learning some of the most important things in their lives.

[Terabith]

3. To model our family's view of how church functions in our life. We believe that God leads us to where He wants us and we don't leave there until/unless God leads us to.

 

I personally dislike seeing youth "chase" the next best thing in ygs. It makes ygs think that they should compete for yths attention. It distracts from the main purpose of a yg. Too many try to be flashy and fun and are all about drawing the biggest crowd and not about what to do with those young lives. I do not want to teach my dd to view church as "how will you entertain me today" and "if you don't say what I like to hear, then I'll go somewhere else."

 

I know some think it is about fun and games, and ygs should include this but not be the sole function. It is about training and modeling for healthy church and Jesus relations later. After all, the church is the model for the bride of Christ in the Bible.

 

I do believe that God leads us (sometimes) to where He wants us. There have been times God has clearly led us to worship and be a part of a certain church. There have been other times that the message has been not really clear, that we are meant to be a part of a church but God hasn't seemed to lead us to one in particular, so we've just sort of picked one. But, I think sometimes, God leads different persons in a family to different churches. And teenage children, I think, may be genuinely led to a different congregation. Now, in specific situations, I might have a problem, if I thought a child was motivated solely by romantic interests. Even there, however, I have seen God use the kid who came bc the cute girl was going and while there He made a decision for Christ and became a passionate, committed follower for Christ. I've seen that more than once. And I would discourage it if I thought a kid was just going for the most "fun" youth group. But relationships and fellowship are a huge part of the Christian life, and kids should be a part of a community in which they feel a part of the community. If they feel out of place, or like they don't have any friends, I think that can actually lead people away from the church in general. If they don't feel a connection with the youth leader, that can be a problem. I would not feel comfortable with a youth group with no substance. (Not that dodgeball isn't important; fun and recreation are vital, but substance is important too.) But, I would be open to the possibility that this could be a good thing. I would pray about it and talk about it with my kids.

[jewellsmommy]

 

I don't think the family should be together ALL the time. But what I often see is a youth group doing EVERYTHING separately. They even sit separately during worship. It's like the youth are treated as a separate church altogether. Yes, I think they should OFTEN do things with the entire family at church. I don't think everything should be tailored to the teen. Teens are capable of participating in adult worship and service. Instead, they are often getting a watered down feel good message coupled with snacks and games. I don't think that is doing them any good. (and yes, I know this isn't the case at all churches, but I've seen it more often than not)

 

Yes, age appropriate classes are important. I'm not talking about Sunday school. And I don't think it's wrong to have events for fun. What I don't agree with is wrapping every single thing a teen does at church into a youth group geared towards fun and entertainment. It's a time of life that they can be productive participants in serving Christ.

 

Parents should be involved in the church their children attend, and know what goes on in the youth groups. I don't think it's crucial for a teen to spend large amounts of time with other teens. I don't think the huge amount of separation in the church is needed, or helpful. Youth groups have their place and and uses, but they are not vital to a healthy church.

 

I think church as a supportive community of Christians is being replaced by an institution. There isn't a sense of community in many churches. It's turned into a place where you walk through the door, go your separate ways and learn things you never apply to your real life outside. People can attend the same church for years, and never even know half the congregation.

 

 

I agree. Many ygs are doing a dis-service to their youth. A yg should help integrate youth from childrens ministry into adult ministry. When a yg is all about being its own little society within the church then it is not serving to help youth prepare to worship/serve/fellowship alongside the others in the church. Then they feel a little lost after graduating out of a yg.

 

Just like with homeschooling, I like to see broad ages interacting/serving/learning together. Where else should this apply more then at church?

[QueenCat]

Sometimes getting ideas across in a message board is tough.

 

I don't think the family should be together ALL the time. But what I often see is a youth group doing EVERYTHING separately. They even sit separately during worship. It's like the youth are treated as a separate church altogether. Yes, I think they should OFTEN do things with the entire family at church. I don't think everything should be tailored to the teen. Teens are capable of participating in adult worship and service. Instead, they are often getting a watered down feel good message coupled with snacks and games. I don't think that is doing them any good. (and yes, I know this isn't the case at all churches, but I've seen it more often than not)

 

Yes, age appropriate classes are important. I'm not talking about Sunday school. And I don't think it's wrong to have events for fun. What I don't agree with is wrapping every single thing a teen does at church into a youth group geared towards fun and entertainment. It's a time of life that they can be productive participants in serving Christ.

 

Parents should be involved in the church their children attend, and know what goes on in the youth groups. I don't think it's crucial for a teen to spend large amounts of time with other teens. I don't think the huge amount of separation in the church is needed, or helpful. Youth groups have their place and and uses, but they are not vital to a healthy church.

 

I think church as a supportive community of Christians is being replaced by an institution. There isn't a sense of community in many churches. It's turned into a place where you walk through the door, go your separate ways and learn things you never apply to your real life outside. People can attend the same church for years, and never even know half the congregation.

 

 

 

Ahh.............. that makes more sense now :) You are so right in that it is sometimes hard to convey what we mean via a message board....

[MagistraMichelle]

Our children do not attend youth group anywhere.

 

Without getting into a lot of detail I will share that there is lots of literature out there that will do a much better job of explaining than I would.

 

A good one is Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham.

 

 

Michelle

[Sahamamama]

Good questions (and thanks for the link to the article.) I honestly do not know why. My oldest said the YGB kids are friendlier but really I can't imagine that knowing the parents and kids from our church.

 

There is a girl (you knew there was more, right??) who/whom/whose:

1) Ethan enjoys hanging around with

2) Goes to yet another church (not the YGB church)

3) Goes to YGB

4) mom is not (but was at one time) Christian

5) Ethan would like to invite to attend church with us at Chruch A

6) is planning (and wants Ethan to attend) to attend Chruch C's summer church camp.

 

This is getting so obnoxiously silly. And confusing.

 

Yeah, just as soon as I hit "submit," I was thinking, when I was in youth group (eons ago), it really WAS just about hanging out and having fun.... and eating pizza and playing ping pong and flirting (hey, I had no brothers, it was the only opportunity to learn ANYTHING about boys) and basically goofing off with other Christian kids....

 

Geesh.

 

There is a super serious anti-YG strain out there, and sometimes I get caught up in that, only because I hear my sister's rants about the YGs (plural) her boys are in. They are almost 15 and almost 13, same as your boys.

 

FWIW -- THEY go to, at last count, three youth groups? I've lost track. They go to the Youth Group of their home church (Assemblies of God/Pentecostal) + "The Warehouse" (an outreach sponsored by the YG of their church, which includes most YGs in this area). Hundreds of youth come to this every Friday night.

 

They also go to some sort of Bible study/basketball throwing thing :lol: on Thursday evenings at the Baptist church -- no doctrinal dilemmas there, right?

 

They ALSO go to the sectional youth meetings (A/G), the district youth convention, and whatever else comes up. Youth retreats? Camp?

 

I think they just go. Not that they strike me as being "spiritual," LOL, but I am their old-fart aunt, so what do I know?

 

They invite their neighborhood friends. They invite schoolmates. They invite mostly other boys. They don't seem to have noticed that girls exist, yet. ;) My sister is relieved that they are late-bloomers.....

[Sahamamama]

Oh, and I just noticed your sig line says that Ethan has "long blond hair, piercing blue eyes, and a heart of gold." So he could be Kyle's twin.

 

And your mechanic who makes you laugh? That's Mark's twin.

 

Wow. Where do you live? We could make our own youth group! :lol:

[Guest janainaz]

Sometimes getting ideas across in a message board is tough.

 

I don't think the family should be together ALL the time. But what I often see is a youth group doing EVERYTHING separately. They even sit separately during worship. It's like the youth are treated as a separate church altogether. Yes, I think they should OFTEN do things with the entire family at church. I don't think everything should be tailored to the teen. Teens are capable of participating in adult worship and service. Instead, they are often getting a watered down feel good message coupled with snacks and games. I don't think that is doing them any good. (and yes, I know this isn't the case at all churches, but I've seen it more often than not)

 

Yes, age appropriate classes are important. I'm not talking about Sunday school. And I don't think it's wrong to have events for fun. What I don't agree with is wrapping every single thing a teen does at church into a youth group geared towards fun and entertainment. It's a time of life that they can be productive participants in serving Christ.

 

Parents should be involved in the church their children attend, and know what goes on in the youth groups. I don't think it's crucial for a teen to spend large amounts of time with other teens. I don't think the huge amount of separation in the church is needed, or helpful. Youth groups have their place and and uses, but they are not vital to a healthy church.

 

I think church as a supportive community of Christians is being replaced by an institution. There isn't a sense of community in many churches. It's turned into a place where you walk through the door, go your separate ways and learn things you never apply to your real life outside. People can attend the same church for years, and never even know half the congregation.

 

 

 

I'm not saying to nitpick over every little thing. My issues are exactly what you are getting at. Love God and love one another are getting seriously overlooked in the youth groups that I've seen. It's become a race to out entertain the world to keep them coming. I see very little love for one another, or to love God more than your stuff being successfully promoted. What I do see is the whole say a prayer, bam you're saved, now bring friends so we can get our numbers up. I would love to find a church that has it's heart and soul built on love for God and His people. We just haven't really seen it yet. (although we are hoping the one we attend right now turns out to be that way...we haven't been there long enough to know yet.) I want to see a church that pratices true acceptance of all people that want to come to Christ, no matter what their background. And I want to see that church promote the family, not a teen based culture.

 

And for the record, I'm not against youth groups in general. I'm just disappointed in what I see them producing. I know there are good groups out there, that have strong leaders. But there are many more out there that are not places I want my girls learning some of the most important things in their lives.

 

I agree and with everything you wrote. I'm against the institution altogether, but not against the people. I'm not against people who go to church, and if they are happy, that's ok with me. Our family no longer attends any church because we still can't find one that does not market and recruit, and the list goes on. I can't be made to feel that I'm part of their agenda. Good people are being blinded, but many of them are also waking up and seeing what is going on in many churches behind the scenes. God is not a business. And of all places, the church should do nothing but encourage family time. I disagree with all the seperation. Yes, groups are fine for kids, but most churches are overkill on it.

 

We tried just going to a home group, a Bible study/fellowship, but could not be accepted because we don't attend the institution. Even our efforts at connecting with other believers have not been working going that route. In fact, we were treated rather poorly and perceived as wolves. We invited and invited and invited and invited people over to get to KNOW us. We make every effort to reach out and know them, and it's funny that not one of those group members, after attending a Bible study for 7 months, would come over. We're likeable, normal, easy-going, open-hearted people. There is something wrong when the people you fellowship with can't find the time (because they are serving church and attending programs) to come eat a meal with you. I'm not interested in that kind of church. If the church can't be taken outside the walls (and the walls are nothing more than an illusion) - it's not a real church to me. The real church comes over to my house and desires to know us, and desires us to know them - not just surface church chit-chat. Not phoney smiles and "life is great" garbage. Not reading the same scriptures about love over and over, and never getting it in real life.

 

I would never encourage anyone to not go to church and I certainly would not encourage anyone to stop looking. There was a time when I really benefited from some of the ministries, and vice versa. I would let my sons go to youth group and I'm not threatened by the agenda that they might try to impose on my kids. There are great people within those church walls and for the ones that are there in their heart; my kids would be blessed. My kids would be blessed by having fun with other kids by laughing and celebrating life together.

 

My kids are being raised to look a little deeper and to see and question all things. I'm not scared in the least of my kids hearing a doctrine or belief that differs from my own because at some point, no matter what I tell them, they need to find their way. Truth is truth and it crys out. Comparing apples to oranges seems harmless.

 

My kids are not institutionalzed. They don't identifty with groups, or sports, or being a "homeschool" kid (although we do those things, they don't make up who they are), or the title of "Christian" - although we do believe in Jesus, we believe more in the idea that Jesus did not come to create a new religion, but to show us that we are to love one another, and in doing THAT, we are loving God. A person need not be a Christian for me to associate with them, or to respect them, or to believe that they have something to offer this life that is worthy. Religion creates the division, but real love unites and that was the work of Christ. Religion creates enemies, because the focus is on who's wrong and who's right. People begin to live in fear of the very people they are called to love. It's useless and it's pointless, it causes people to really miss out on what matters the most. I don't need to convert anyone to my ideas, opinions or beliefs to love them. I can just love them freely, because that is all I was called to do.

 

I want my kids to focus on what unites and what is common ground, rather than what divides. If my kids had friends of another faith, I'd be A-ok with that. We are not living our life inside of a box. I trust and believe that God really is who He claims to be and that means I can live my life in freedom and wear no labels.