My dh is making me do this

[Kate CA]

No I dont hound him constantly, but when I am truly stuck with what to do I would like his assistance. I have been trying to decide between 2 math programs for my dd when she is in 8th for months now, its times like that I am talking about. I dont need his help with every decision. That would drive me nuts. There are times I really do need help though.

 

Well, truth be told, I am not sure that he can help you in the way you want him to since he will not be the one teaching your dd. Does he know how she learns or the way she struggles with XYZ the way you do? If he is not her regular teacher then he might choose something that doesn't work well with her strengths and weaknesses.

 

Math is a subject that does not come easy to some children - we have had our share of struggles with that here and I understand that. I could have shown my dh two math books and said, "OK, which one should I use?" but since he doesn't do the day in and day out of schooling he would not know what she has covered, and what she has struggled with. He just doesn't know because he isn't the one teaching her every day. You know that information.

 

I find out the ins and outs of a program by asking detailed questions from my friends IRL or here about how a program works. I go to conferences and check out the curriculum or listen to the creators of the curriculum and I find out what I need to know in order to make that choice. Most of the time I make the right choices, but what is the worst thing that can happen? I will have to sell it and buy a different one. And so I have at times.

 

I don't see this as a weakness in my husband any more than he sees it as a weakness in me that I don't know the ins and outs of his job. I don't see him as shirking his responsibility with the family at all. *I* homeschool the children and he supports the endeavor. He would never ask me detailed questions about his work and I wouldn't really know how to answer him if he did! He supports me in other ways.

 

I don't think you really know just how nice you have it. There are many women I know who have husbands that question their every move and don't trust them to teach their own children first grade. That is appalling. It would undermine me in every way. Your husband *trusts* you to make the choices. I wouldn't look lightly at that.

[mom4knights]

I must say that this thread has had me laughing hysterically!!

 

We just started hs this year and I have been spending HOURS pouring over this forum and other sites trying to determine the "best" curriculum for next year.

 

My husband travels every other week with his job and stays super busy but last night I kinda wanted him to go over some of the "nitty-gritty" details of my "somewhat" :) narrowed down list. He had really wanted to watch the NFL draft so he said we would definitely sit down and review things tonight. Even though he told me that he completely trusts my decision. :D

 

I am laughing so hard though b/c I am also such a researcher - I research EVERYTHING!! I mean, I cannot make ONE decision before I have looked at all the possibilities!! LOL! MY dear hubby knows me all too well and he has definitely had the "glazed over" look at times. However, I must admit that he is great about sitting down with me when he knows I'm really stressed about something and want to go over it with him. I know that I can sometimes come to him with an issue with several possible solutions and ask his opinion ~ but if I've really already made up my mind then all I'm really looking for is affirmation. ;)

 

It just reaffirms how different God made the sexes and how wonderfully we can work together to figure something out! :grouphug:

[razorbackmama]

Oh my word, I am not even going to try to read 11 pages of this thread, so I'm just answering the OP LOL.

 

My dh has little to no interest in our curriculum. However, I do not consider that unhelpful because I don't really care that he has little to no interest.:lol: For one, he is pretty clueless when it comes to individualized schooling. Everything is "when I was in school blahblahblah.";) IOW, if he were the curriculum chooser, we would very much do "school at home."

 

Second, he isn't here during the day, so he has no idea about the kids' learning styles, what works, what doesn't work, what works for ME and what doesn't work, etc. This isn't necessarily curriculum-related, but just this morning I told him that I'd like to try to incorporate a time during the day when I could have an hour of NOTHING for myself, just like I did when the kids were younger and we still had mandatory naptime/roomtime. He said, "Well, right after lunch is probably a natural time to have it." Well DUH.:tongue_smilie: I said, "So what do I do with the stuff that going on in that time slot?" He had no answer.;)

 

I ONLY come to him for curriculum advice/suggestions when I am just at my wit's end and cannot figure something out on my own. I never, ever, EVER show him a catalog or ask for his input for just general stuff. He has never attended a homeschool conference with me.

 

That is just the way I like it.:D

[justamouse]

Yes, she's as unhelpful, the thing is --I don't want his .02. He doesn't teach them, he doesn't see what i see and I don't want his nose in that decision. It's hard enough as it is.

[DH in Las Vegas]

is it a bad thing that my husband leaves homeschooling entirely in my hands?

 

PROS: no one criticizing, interfering with my way of doing things; no conflicts about our (my) homeschool plan, budget, curriculum choices, teaching methods, goals, etc.

 

 

 

CONS: my "best friend" has no active interest in what is literally turning out to be my life's work - that is hard to take sometimes; sometimes I need reassurance [thank you, ladies - "listening" to your conversations has done more for my confidence and sanity that anything else in my homeschooling experience] and lots of time I want to talk about my favorite subject - homeschooling!

 

While my husband doesn't share my passion, he is completely supportive of my efforts - even if doesn't really know what's going on in a day-to-day kind of way. I know he brags about us at work and that makes me feel good. So I guess I the point is that I have a LOT to be grateful for from him and I will continue to turn to you all for the other support I need.

[Renai]

So ladies. Does your dh look at curriculum with you with the same intensity as you? (his question.) Or is your dh like mine :banghead: and gloss over what you are trying to get him to help you with.

 

 

----> DH says "I trust your judgement when choosing proper curriculum for our dc. If I see something that doesnt look good I speak up"

 

 

 

My dh doesn't look at the curriculum, because he doesn't read English :D. He will listen, though, but the ultimate decision is mine- he really has no opinions on curriculum. Oh, wait, once he did give me his opinion about Latin ... :001_huh::blink:. Yeah, that said a lot (we are not doing Latin any time soon).

 

Really, he takes our daughter's education seriously, but he feels he is not in the position to offer much discussion in curriculum choices. In the end, it's "does it work?", "does it fit in with what we're doing?", and "how much is it?" (cost is not always a deal-breaker if it works, ie., All About Spelling).

[Narrow Gate Academy]

I'm impressed you got him to even skim the curriculum. Here it is all up to me. He checks in sometimes when he is home to see what the kids are working on at the time or tell them to get back to work if he sees them goofing off. Otherwise, he is very hands off, and let's me call the shots at least for homeschooling.

[Supertechmom]

:iagree:

 

Smile and nod, and tell him he's the smartest one. That's my job.

 

He feels the same way about me and curriculum.

 

 

Reminds me of the penguins in Madagascar monies " smile and wave boys Smile and wave"

[Mommy22alyns]

My DH pretty much leaves everything up to me. He'll act as a sounding board when I need to think things through, but he doesn't have an opinion.

[angela&4boys]

My husband is a public school teacher. I usually have to yell at him because he has been drooling over my catalogs. "GET YOUR OWN." :D:lol:

 

I love it, Daisy!!!

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I just wanted to add, this cracked me up....dh made you post a poll on the forums...I love that he knows that much about the forums! My dh wouldn't! AND your dh sent you here....sounds like you're doin' alright with homeschooling and dh! At least in my book!

 

His words "You got to that homeschool website addict thing and make them tell your their husbands are the same. Make one of your poll thingies"

 

LOL He had a very long day at work yesterday! I was laughing (with him:001_huh:) the whole time :D

[Verity]

Dh is not involved in HSing decisions. I've had TWTM since dd was 2 (she's now 9yrs old) and he's never read it, or even skimmed in. Absolutely. zero. interest. Bottom line is, he does his job, and I do mine. That's not necessarily how I like it, as I feel I bear more responsiblity than I should (if the kids flunk out of university somewhere down the line, guess whose fault it will be?). It's not just HSing, though, it's kind of how our relationship works, I make decision about holidays, houses, how we eat etc etc. He's not particularly worried about it, so couldn't be bothered to be involved in the decision making process. After 15yrs of marriage I am more or less used to it...

 

I could have written this post. My dh says "You care more about this than I do and I trust your choices." Sometimes he will let me talk at him about what I'm trying to decide but never really listens or makes any suggestions at all. :P

[JennyW]

My DH is incredibly supportive and agrees with our decision to homeschool. But he's very unhelpful. I do everything, and he occasionally tosses in a lesson when it is convenient for him and it's something he's interested in. If I assign him a subject, the kids wouldn't learn that subject. So I have to do it all. I'm fine with that, though, because he's the one with the day job. And I wouldn't trade places with him for the world. But before I knew I couldn't count on him to teach anything, it was frustrating.

 

He doesn't care about curriculum - he trusts that I'll choose something good, or at least do my best. I'm much more picky than he is (he hates to do research). We just have a small budget, but I try to stick to that pretty well.

[TracyR]

Don't I wish my hubby was helpful in this area. My husband isn't much interested in curriculum. He basically trusts that I know what I want.

[Mommyfaithe]

He. just.does. NOT.get.it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Buy some books. Get it done...

 

:banghead:

[...................]

I think it would be better for your husband to share with you his dreams and vision for his children, and let you figure out the details. And when he says things that key you into an area of concern, take it seriously.

 

In my experience you don't want him figuring out the details. He does not teach the kids and run the home or have your style, gifts, or experience. It's better to allow him to do whatever he does best and you honor him by doing your best on the things of which he has delegated to you.

 

Do you sit down and make detailed decisions about his job? Does he ask you what to charge a client, how to make the best of his gas money, which employee to promote, and which brand of PVC piping is best? My husband is a programmer analyst. If he wanted me to consult with him on which programming language to learn, whether to write from scratch or use a toolkit, which platform to use, etc. I would be in way over my head- not because I dont care or am stupid, but because he has done this for ten years and I have raised kids for ten years.

 

I really think you should let it go, be thankful for whatever you can in your dh, and let him know how thankful you are.

 

:)

[danybug]

I didn't read all of the other posts. But I selected, yes. I had a thread like this a year ago, when I was frustrated. My dh has absolutely nothing to do with selecting curriculum or actually our homeschooling at all. I know it is not because of disregard, more that he just totally trusts and appreciated what I a doing. I know I should be grateful for this being the control freak that I am, but at times I wish someone would push me towards a certain path because I tend to be indecisive :D

[rainforest mama]

I consider my dh to be like a school superintendent: Funding our efforts but with no actual idea of what goes on every day!!

:iagree:

That's how I look at it too. DH is extremely supportive of our efforts and funds all items without question. He knows I've done all the research and planning and he doesn't have to. That's how it is with pretty much everything in our marriage. I handle the details and he makes it possible through his hard work and support. It seems to work pretty well for us - we're celebrating our 20th anniversary, and having another baby this summer.

 

Lana

[MerryAtHope]

LOL, well, I didn't vote because I don't consider my husband unhelpful--however, I also don't expect him to "learn my trade" so to speak. The books are in the house, and sometimes he can't help but read them or listen in on the read-alouds. However, he doesn't go through catalogs with me and help pick curriculum either. That's what forums & other homeschool moms are for, LOL! Now, he does help me think through the overall direction of things at times, where our kids are at spiritually, how they are growing and maturing, character issues, discipline etc... He's a very involved Dad.

 

HTH some! Merry :-)

[mommaduck]

:iagree:

Wrangler, I think everybody has their own mix of how this works. Sometimes well-meaning convention speakers get up and imply that if every dh isn't stepping right in to help with subjects and pick things and lead and guide, then he obviously isn't doing his (spiritual, etc.) duty. My dh works 60 hours a week, comes home weary, and doesn't have time or strength then to listen to every tit for tat nuance on how I'm teaching math facts, correcting writing sprawl, pondering the progymnasta, debating methods of teaching rhetoric, or anything else. It's called DELEGATED. He brings home the bacon, I fry it. I occasionally lose my mind (as in go crazy, needing some help, any help) and ask him his opinion. Sometimes it's helpful, sometimes it's not. The main thing I'm grateful for is that if he's not going to be up on everything, at least he's not then going to interject his OPINION on things. That would be a worse scenario, lol.

 

Maybe this is bugging you because you're feeling weak and want someone to buck you up or bolster your self-confidence? Maybe you can find a local homeschooler (or internet) who knows your situation and can do that for you? Not every man is going to, and the wanderings and waverings of some women are too tiresome to their men to be borne with. So I say just accept it, take the empty credit card, do your best, and move on. :)

 

PS. And to the dh, I say clearly she needs more backrubs, brownies, and nights out. More support. :)

Very well stated! :iagree:

[Jlynn]

My husband doesn't get involved in the choosing process at all. We tried that at first, but he ended up liking a math program that I didn't. I realized at that moment that I, as the teacher, would have to pick out the curriculum. I just have to add that I don't find this unhelpful of him...quite the contrary! I can spend hours poring over curriculum and he would just not be able to do that. He just can't picture how its used, plus he's way too busy doing his own job...I can't imagine having him giving his input into what curriculum I choose now...Just like he wouldn't want me over-involved in his work : )

Edited April 24, 2010 by Jlynn

[KrissiK]

My dh doesn't care. He loves that we're homeschooling, he's more in to it than I am, but he totally leaves it up to me what curriculum we use. He listens to me talk about curriculum with about the same enthusiasm as I listen to him tell me how he's going to make his Pontiac engine get more horsepower!

[nova mama]

:iagree:

I handle the details and he makes it possible through his hard work and support.

 

Lana

 

Me2, and I'm grateful!

[Amanda_Jo]

My dh will listen if I need to "talk it out" about a certain curriculum or homeschooling issue however he doesn't give me any opinion. He trusts my judgement on all things school related and delegates the decision making, as well as the teaching to me.

He does come with me to the homeschooling book fair about every other year so that he can keep the nursing baby nearby but occupied while I browse-- now that's love!

[skueppers]

So ladies. Does your dh look at curriculum with you with the same intensity as you? (his question.) Or is your dh like mine :banghead: and gloss over what you are trying to get him to help you with.

 

My husband is very helpful, we talk all the time about education and homeschooling, and he's perfectly willing to participate in the educational process.

 

He isn't interested in choosing curruculum materials, though. I'm sure that if I asked for his help, he'd provide it, but that doesn't seem likely to come up around here.

[HappyCrazyMama]

I haven't read any replies but my dh does look at curriculum or give input at all, never.

[m0mmaBuck]

My husband supports the decision to HS. He knows I can offer DS a better education that what he was getting at the public school. He knows DS is happier being HS'ed that he was at PS. He also knows I'm a little crazier for HS'ing.

 

He will humor me if I ask his opinion about a curriculum or spine, but the reality is that he doesn't really care how I get DS to learn as long as he does learn. He's not going to lose any sleep during the battle of Singapore vs. CLE. He defers those decisions to me, 100%.

[Tam101]

It's nicer to say that "he trusts me completely." :001_rolleyes:

 

 

Geo

:iagree:

[mlbuchina]

I'd say my husband is somewhere in between the two ends of the spectrum. He is happy to discuss issues as long as I get him at a good time when he's not tired or trying to work. But he won't read books or lengthy articles, as he thinks it's more efficient for me to read them and tell him anything he needs to know (I read a lot faster than he does). And he doesn't get as worried as I do. He says I over analyse things when I should just spend time with the kids, do what I think is good, and change it if it doesn't seem to work. He thinks that if they're happy and they're learning, then we're all good, whereas I get stressed if I hear about some theory/technique/resource that I hadn't looked into and considered.

 

:iagree: This is us.

[peace]

It's nicer to say that "he trusts me completely." :001_rolleyes:

 

This is how I like to look at it, too. ;)

[Hillary in KS]

My dh does what yours does. Almost word for word. :)

 

However, he is very supportive of hsing, and really does trust my judgement.

 

He works hard to provide the overhead so that I can stay home to educate the kids. He does his part, I do mine. ;)

 

My advice: Pick your curriculum and let it go. :D

[Love2Smile]

I am THANKFUL my dh trusts my judgment and leaves it to me!

I like being in charge of my homeschool and would resent having someone else not agree with my choices or persuade me to do something else.

He is in charge of earning the paycheck and I am in charge of the school

 

Me likes it like that!;)

[ChemMommy]

IF I narrow it down to two or want to discuss the final decision, he will listen ONCE, contribute his ideas, and that's it.

 

Early on, I had stacks of curriculum guides, catalogs, and books on hsing by the bed and would read them at night, pointing out stuff to my dh. Soon, he was running like a terrified deer through the house at night when he spotted me with a catalog in my hand! He invented "projects" in the garage to avoid me!

 

FINALLY, in a moment of frustration, he told me to just purchase whatever I wanted and he would support me. But NOT to try to get him to wade through mounds of options!

 

I took him at his word and purchased a SL core that next day. I bought the whole shebang and he was a happy man.:lol:

[mrsrevmeg]

My husband is very involved with our homeschooling. I do the main picking out and teaching, but he is there paying for it so he does get to have say in what we do. When I printed off samples of TOG he was so impressed he said he didn't care about the cost; it looked good, get it. He questioned starting Latin with our youngest. I showed him SSL and he was all for it. I really would like to change LA but he (being the voice of reason in our marriage) pointed out that our kids are doing very well. They speak better than their friends. His point being "if it aint broke, don't fix it." Having said all that, I must say that his job is very beneficial to his being home more than most husbands. In a 28 day rotation he is home 14 of those days. The other 14 he works 12 hour shifts. So he is here to be a part of our school day more than most husbands.

[homemomandnild]

My Dh does help in teaching History, so he is more helpful in chooding history curriculum. Overall he also sayd he trusts me completely. When I really need his help, I have to find the right time to get his attention to really look at our options, but his attentions to curriculum are limited. We were both professional teachers, so it must just be a 'guy' thing:)

[my4boysmom]

I love the banging on the wall thingy. lol The only thing hubby does is add strange comments (to make me bang my head) to the kids and gets them going and do something on top of what we are doing. lol I'm like we have enough going on without you adding to it. lol <breathe>

 

 

Actually he helps with adding and subtraction problems since my youngest is dyslexic and doesn't learn any math I teach him. He does get it with hubby so we let that go to him. The other stuff he says he trusts my judgement and tells me that I have to teach it so I need to feel comfortable. If he doesn't care for it then he tells me also. I bang my head on that one too. He likes the kids sharing things with him and he loves hearing all the things that they learn. They get into discussions and since he is pretty good in history they all just love talking about that subject the most. It's pretty cool to hear them just go.

[silliness7]

I know everything already, so I don't need his help. :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol::lol::lol: Same Here :lol::lol::lol:

[Brindee]

My dh is very willing to read over/study any material that I ask when I am needing a second opinion or another point of view. He knows that I value his opinion and he is a very engaged sounding board for curriculum discussions. This has been particularly wonderful as we are in the high school years. I can't imagine him not willing to fully engage in discussions involving our children's education. The final decision is mine, but his input is invaluable.

This is the way we are also. He does not know everything I do about curriculum. I don't know everything about his job. But we are both willing to discuss these with each other, and support each other!

 

Dh helps the kids with math, engages them in coversation about math, grammar and history, since he knows those areas so well. It broadens their learning immensely, I believe! He prays for our homeschool day each morning, tells people at work how well the kids and I are doing with homeschooling, and even tells our kids how blessed they are to have a mom that works so hard to help them have a good education. He is 100% supportive! Him reading all about the curriculum and spending hours looking for the best price---that's not required or needed here! That's what I do. I love doing that! He'll look through and discuss things if I ask, and will in turn ask me what I think. Mostly, he just trusts my judgement on the curriculum choices because we know each other so well that he knows I will make the best choice, one that he would make if he were in charge of the homeschooling.

 

I have absolutely NO complaints about my dh and his support of the kids and me with homeschooling! I feel blessed! :001_smile: