How much does a good military school cost again?

[amy g.]

Ds (14) and I have always been very close. Does that mean that he has too push even harder to separate from me during adolescence?

 

He is making me want to run away from home.

 

He has saved almost $3,000 for some fancy MacBook Pro. DH and I are both proud of his discipline. He's upset now because somehow he did not understand that he will not be allowed to keep a computer in his room until he turns 18. My computer, Dh's and his older sister's are in the public part of the house.

 

I guess he thinks he can wear me down or confuse me with his requests that I repeatedly explain and defend the rule.

 

It's depressing.

[Mrs Mungo]

The military school my dh attended runs about $30k/year. However, they let you have a computer in your room before you are 18, so it might defeat your purpose. ;)

 

Teens are like toddlers. They are going to push and push and test their boundaries. It's exhausting.

[RoughCollie]

You don't have to defend anything.

 

But, if you choose to, I would type it up and hand it to him. Tell him to read it instead instead of talking to you about the issue, because you are done conversing about this.

 

Keep a few copies on hand to give him if he continues to argue his case.

[Starr]

We rather like "objection, pinhead!" :lol:

[5LittleMonkeys]

But, if you choose to, I would type it up and hand it to him. Tell him to read it instead instead of talking to you about the issue, because you are done conversing about this.

 

Keep a few copies on hand to give him if he continues to argue his case.

 

:iagree:

 

In my house arguing your case over and over and over and over...is called nagging and has some penalties attached. You will typically not get or lose the thing you were nagging about. If he can't accept the rules about no computer in his room graciously then perhaps he should donate part of the money he has saved to purchasing the whole family a new pc. If he has already purchased his own then perhaps it should go in a closet for a month or so. Come up with a penalty that seems fair to you and relative to the situation but make sure you follow through with it or you will set a precedent of not meaning what you say.

 

Enforce your own military school tactics and save yourself the money.:D

[FaithManor]

I favor making him run laps, do push-ups, and dig holes until he's exhausted while you eat chocolate cheesecake and sip a mocha. Bring the military to him....LOL (We actually did "boot camp" once with a boy that was determined to make me nuts.....when he gets on that edge, we just remind him about that and he usually quickly shapes up!)

 

DD was a piece of cake compared to ds 13 and I guess he really isn't that hard. I'd been told girls are worse because they are all emotional and snarky but honestly, the boy is much, much worse than she was.

 

Sigh....I know that they have to go through this stage to get to the "grown-up not living at home" part of life....but personally, I like the baby, toddler, preschool, elementary part and could just skip straight to college from there. This would also help my hips/chocolate addiction!

 

Faith

[*Jessica*]

You don't have to defend anything.

 

But, if you choose to, I would type it up and hand it to him. Tell him to read it instead instead of talking to you about the issue, because you are done conversing about this.

 

Keep a few copies on hand to give him if he continues to argue his case.

What a brilliant suggestion. Do you think it would work on a 4-year-old who can't read yet? *sigh*

[Smithie]

Why not install a keystroke logger on the new Mac and let him have some privacy, while still fulfilling your duty to supervise his actions until he's 18? If I'd worked that hard to get my own computer, I'd also be pretty frustrated if my parents were trying to keep it in the family room.

 

If you are worried about access to adult content, there are ways to deal with that without completely denying your teenagers' desire to type away in solitude. Really, this is pretty harsh. No space now might wind up as more space than you want later on his life.

[unsinkable]

Ds (14) and I have always been very close. Does that mean that he has too push even harder to separate from me during adolescence?

 

He is making me want to run away from home.

 

He has saved almost $3,000 for some fancy MacBook Pro. DH and I are both proud of his discipline. He's upset now because somehow he did not understand that he will not be allowed to keep a computer in his room until he turns 18. My computer, Dh's and his older sister's are in the public part of the house.

 

I guess he thinks he can wear me down or confuse me with his requests that I repeatedly explain and defend the rule.

 

It's depressing.

 

Send my son home, please. :lol:

 

I was actually thinking this am something similar about closeness with my 14 yo. I wondered if normal adolescence is more turbulent so much b/c we are so close.

 

:grouphug:

[5LittleMonkeys]

Why not install a keystroke logger on the new Mac and let him have some privacy, while still fulfilling your duty to supervise his actions until he's 18? If I'd worked that hard to get my own computer, I'd also be pretty frustrated if my parents were trying to keep it in the family room.

 

If you are worried about access to adult content, there are ways to deal with that without completely denying your teenagers' desire to type away in solitude. Really, this is pretty harsh. No space now might wind up as more space than you want later on his life.

 

I took it that this young man knew ahead of time the rule about computers in bedrooms. His older sister's is in the public area as well. Why should he get special privileges?

[Nestof3]

Though he may not access adult content (and really, there's enough adult content on Netflix and Youtube alone), he may be more prone to chatting on Facebook or gmail with a computer in his room. Ask me how I know?

 

Why not install a keystroke logger on the new Mac and let him have some privacy, while still fulfilling your duty to supervise his actions until he's 18? If I'd worked that hard to get my own computer, I'd also be pretty frustrated if my parents were trying to keep it in the family room.

 

If you are worried about access to adult content, there are ways to deal with that without completely denying your teenagers' desire to type away in solitude. Really, this is pretty harsh. No space now might wind up as more space than you want later on his life.

[mcconnellboys]

Chuckling at your title because I said this all year when my older son was about 13..... Here's one of the best (I think):

 

http://www.hargrave.edu/admissions/tuition_plans.html#tfl

[RoughCollie]

When DS1 was 13, I researched military schools. The closest one to where we lived was $35K a year.

 

Reluctantly, we decided to keep DS1.

 

Has he improved over the last few years? Not really, but he has refined his technique. None of it works.

[amy g.]

I've realized that I'm more than 50% of the problem. As soon as I had my last baby, postpartum depression hit me like a ton of bricks. I could not take the progesterone that my midwife prescribed, because it dried up my milk, and I have not been myself since then. It is getting worse instead of better.

 

He isn't keeping a computer in his room, but he does have valid concerns about wanting to keep it out of the reach of naughty toddlers. I would be able to compromise with him if I wasn't feeling like a raving lunatic.

[Jean in Newcastle]

This is a laptop, correct? I would compromise by telling him that he can store it in his room out of the reach of naughty toddlers. But you will trust him to bring it out to a common area when he uses it.

[unsinkable]

I've realized that I'm more than 50% of the problem. As soon as I had my last baby, postpartum depression hit me like a ton of bricks. I could not take the progesterone that my midwife prescribed, because it dried up my milk, and I have not been myself since then. It is getting worse instead of better.

 

He isn't keeping a computer in his room, but he does have valid concerns about wanting to keep it out of the reach of naughty toddlers. I would be able to compromise with him if I wasn't feeling like a raving lunatic.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I hope things are going better today!

[Guest InfernoFalcon]

Ds (14) and I have always been very close. Does that mean that he has too push even harder to separate from me during adolescence?

 

He is making me want to run away from home.

 

He has saved almost $3,000 for some fancy MacBook Pro. DH and I are both proud of his discipline. He's upset now because somehow he did not understand that he will not be allowed to keep a computer in his room until he turns 18. My computer, Dh's and his older sister's are in the public part of the house.

 

I guess he thinks he can wear me down or confuse me with his requests that I repeatedly explain and defend the rule.

 

It's depressing.

 

I believe you misunderstand my point of view,

 

I am mainly concerned that seemingly you had agreed to let me have a computer on a desk, under a bed you were considering purchasing for me. This led me to believe that it would be acceptable to place it on a desk across the room, as well. Additionally, after being told otherwise, I attempted asking you of your motiv, so I could attempt to reach some kind of a compromise. I asked if you were worried about adult content, in which case I suggested a tracking program so you could still be watching my every action. In contrast to information given here, The only explination you were able to give me was 'a lot of people agree with this', and attempted to show me a study showing this on the Internet. I am willing to address any concerns you have, but besides the danger the machine is in simply sitting in a public place, it would be oh so very nice to work on something away from the screaming baby, and the arguing and general noise of the other occupants of the house. It is possible that I have misunderstood you entirely, in which case I would appreciate you to restate your intentions so we can reach some common agreement. I am more than willing to happily comply with any standards you like, but I would appreciate knowing what intention is behind them so perhaps I could gain something as well.

 

Edit: After further reflection, I can't see how you would be concerned about my internet viewing, seeing as I have at least three handheld devices that can fully access the internet, which you do not require me to have in a public area. I believe you are aware of this.

Edited April 25, 2010 by InfernoFalcon

[Granny_Weatherwax]

What a brilliant suggestion. Do you think it would work on a 4-year-old who can't read yet? *sigh*

 

Word pictures!

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I believe you misunderstand my point of view,

 

I am mainly concerned that seemingly you had agreed to let me have a computer on a desk, under a bed you were considering purchasing for me. This led me to believe that it would be acceptable to place it on a desk across the room, as well. Additionally, after being told otherwise, I attempted asking you of your motiv, so I could attempt to reach some kind of a compromise. I asked if you were worried about adult content, in which case I suggested a tracking program so you could still be watching my every action. In contrast to information given here, The only explination you were able to give me was 'a lot of people agree with this', and attempted to show me a study showing this on the Internet. I am willing to address any concerns you have, but besides the danger the machine is in simply sitting in a public place, it would be oh so very nice to work on something away from the screaming baby, and the arguing and general noise of the other occupants of the house. It is possible that I have misunderstood you entirely, in which case I would appreciate you to restate your intentions so we can reach some common agreement. I am more than willing to happily comply with any standards you like, but I would appreciate knowing what intention is behind them so perhaps I could gain something as well.

 

Edit: After further reflection, I can't see how you would be concerned about my internet viewing, seeing as I have at least three handheld devices that can fully access the internet, which you do not require me to have in a public area. I believe you are aware of this.

 

Hello, InfernoFalcon. Which computer did you use to post this message?:glare:

[Caterpiller]

I believe you misunderstand my point of view,

 

I am mainly concerned that seemingly you had agreed to let me have a computer on a desk, under a bed you were considering purchasing for me. This led me to believe that it would be acceptable to place it on a desk across the room, as well. Additionally, after being told otherwise, I attempted asking you of your motiv, so I could attempt to reach some kind of a compromise. I asked if you were worried about adult content, in which case I suggested a tracking program so you could still be watching my every action. In contrast to information given here, The only explination you were able to give me was 'a lot of people agree with this', and attempted to show me a study showing this on the Internet. I am willing to address any concerns you have, but besides the danger the machine is in simply sitting in a public place, it would be oh so very nice to work on something away from the screaming baby, and the arguing and general noise of the other occupants of the house. It is possible that I have misunderstood you entirely, in which case I would appreciate you to restate your intentions so we can reach some common agreement. I am more than willing to happily comply with any standards you like, but I would appreciate knowing what intention is behind them so perhaps I could gain something as well.

 

Edit: After further reflection, I can't see how you would be concerned about my internet viewing, seeing as I have at least three handheld devices that can fully access the internet, which you do not require me to have in a public area. I believe you are aware of this.

 

 

Maybe it is just me, but I think that confronting your parent publically in this manner, no matter how well structured, simply comes across as disrespectful.

[Peela]

My 14yo son is the same.

He- and dd15 for that matter- seem to feel that they are adults now, and what are we thinking putting restrictions on anything they deem fit to do?

I also have been close to my ds14, and it has been difficult to go through this time of setting VERY clear boundaries over and over and over, and standing by them...and sometimes negotiating etc etc. I have gone from being the easy going mum to the tyrant, in his eyes! Apparently we are THE most over protective parents in the WORLD :) (and I just roll my eyes because I come here and I am far more lenient than the majority here!). However, every now and then they get a reality check when one of their friends gets banned from the internet or mobile phone for a week, which we have never done (yet!), or gets grounded from all social activities (which we have also never done- yet!).

My kids do not have very clear persective on how it is for other kids, because they dont go to school, so their range of aquaintances is probably smaller than scooled kids (though I think dd15 has 300 Facebook friends and she has met them all).

We hit issues around computers all the time. Dd15 will take her laptop to her room and make it look like its still on her desk upstairs by putting something laptop shaped underneith a blanket. We were conned once or twice, but we were teenagers once ourselves, you know, and both of us were a lot less supervsed than these two, and we know most of the tricks in the book!

[SonshineLearner]

"Edit: After further reflection, I can't see how you would be concerned about my internet viewing, seeing as I have at least three handheld devices that can fully access the internet, which you do not require me to have in a public area. I believe you are aware of this."

 

Wow, if I were to be made aware of this, I'd be thankful for your comments and take the electronics away. Also, I'd tell you about spell check.

 

:)

 

PS, It all looks simple to parent, until YOU'RE the parent, and then it's just hard!

[amy g.]

Hmmmm....Is this supposed to make me more agreeable to negotiations?

 

It's not working.

[Ravin]

It seems to me he has a point, even if he has invaded Mom Territory to make it. Of course, my DD is only six, so I find rational argument convincing, and draw the line at temper tantrums.

 

Also, we had this debate recently and DH weighted in on the side of putting the computer in DD's room with much the same arguments your son has (except she doesn't have any handheld internet-accessing devices as yet, lol).

 

For me, the single most compelling reason to keep the computer in the common space is to keep her out where she'll interact. Since as a child/adolescent the only thing I needed to behave like a hermit was a book or a blank piece of paper and writing implement, I'm not so sure it's really likely to be effective if the child is prone to such behavior.:tongue_smilie:

[Peela]

 

For me, the single most compelling reason to keep the computer in the common space is to keep her out where she'll interact. Since as a child/adolescent the only thing I needed to behave like a hermit was a book or a blank piece of paper and writing implement, I'm not so sure it's really likely to be effective if the child is prone to such behavior.:tongue_smilie:

 

My experience is that sitting on the computer in communal areas doesnt necessarily make for much interaction :) Ask my family about me :) I do agree it is one step better than in their rooms, though.

However...my main reason to try and keep it communal is more so that they think we could be noticing what they are doing. Internet predators are everywhere, literally- it's big. I see that my dd15 spends most of her time on Facebook, and some time on MSN, and a LOT of time on Photoshop editing photos- to put on Facebook. I am a fan of her Facebook- she is not allowed to unsbscribe me- but I am not fussy if she swears or anything on there- I allow a wide parameter of teenager behaviour before I will step in. With ds14- I ended up telling him that if he was going to speak such trash on MSN, we would ban him. It was horrible. He stopped- or matured, not sure which.

Just being able to see what they are doing out of the corner of my eye- without actually stepping close to read their intimate conversations with everyone- is enough for me, 95% of the time.

[Renai]

What a brilliant suggestion. Do you think it would work on a 4-year-old who can't read yet? *sigh*

 

Yes, just use pictures. Each one represents one part of your well-known argument.

[tex-mex]

I believe you misunderstand my point of view,

 

I am mainly concerned that seemingly you had agreed to let me have a computer on a desk, under a bed you were considering purchasing for me. This led me to believe that it would be acceptable to place it on a desk across the room, as well. Additionally, after being told otherwise, I attempted asking you of your motiv, so I could attempt to reach some kind of a compromise. I asked if you were worried about adult content, in which case I suggested a tracking program so you could still be watching my every action. In contrast to information given here, The only explination you were able to give me was 'a lot of people agree with this', and attempted to show me a study showing this on the Internet. I am willing to address any concerns you have, but besides the danger the machine is in simply sitting in a public place, it would be oh so very nice to work on something away from the screaming baby, and the arguing and general noise of the other occupants of the house. It is possible that I have misunderstood you entirely, in which case I would appreciate you to restate your intentions so we can reach some common agreement. I am more than willing to happily comply with any standards you like, but I would appreciate knowing what intention is behind them so perhaps I could gain something as well.

 

Edit: After further reflection, I can't see how you would be concerned about my internet viewing, seeing as I have at least three handheld devices that can fully access the internet, which you do not require me to have in a public area. I believe you are aware of this.

:lol::lol::lol: I have to jump in here and rate this:

Creativity/Originality = 7

Persuasive Argument = 8

Logical Reasoning = 9

 

However... your mom makes the rules. ;) Gotta go with her. You do bring a strong appeal regarding your expensive $$ purchase being near the younger siblings. :confused:

[tex-mex]

Hmmmm....Is this supposed to make me more agreeable to negotiations?

 

It's not working.

:lol::lol::lol:

What she said... LOL

[5LittleMonkeys]

I believe you misunderstand my point of view,

 

I am mainly concerned that seemingly you had agreed to let me have a computer on a desk, under a bed you were considering purchasing for me. This led me to believe that it would be acceptable to place it on a desk across the room, as well. Additionally, after being told otherwise, I attempted asking you of your motiv, so I could attempt to reach some kind of a compromise. I asked if you were worried about adult content, in which case I suggested a tracking program so you could still be watching my every action. In contrast to information given here, The only explination you were able to give me was 'a lot of people agree with this', and attempted to show me a study showing this on the Internet. I am willing to address any concerns you have, but besides the danger the machine is in simply sitting in a public place, it would be oh so very nice to work on something away from the screaming baby, and the arguing and general noise of the other occupants of the house. It is possible that I have misunderstood you entirely, in which case I would appreciate you to restate your intentions so we can reach some common agreement. I am more than willing to happily comply with any standards you like, but I would appreciate knowing what intention is behind them so perhaps I could gain something as well.

 

Edit: After further reflection, I can't see how you would be concerned about my internet viewing, seeing as I have at least three handheld devices that can fully access the internet, which you do not require me to have in a public area. I believe you are aware of this.

 

Wow, this attempt at trying to publicly embarrass would have resulted in loss of privileges from ALL internet accessible devices in our house. (Which to me sounds like you have too many.) I don't know how mom dealt with this but if your still reading this thread InfernoFalcon I'd like to personally tell you to cut your mother some slack, stop being disrespectful and learn your place. Sometimes no just means no and as adults we don't have to explain our reasons. JMHO

[dansamy]

Wow, this attempt at trying to publicly embarrass would have resulted in loss of privileges from ALL internet accessible devices in our house. (Which to me sounds like you have too many.) I don't know how mom dealt with this but if your still reading this thread InfernoFalcon I'd like to personally tell you to cut your mother some slack, stop being disrespectful and learn your place. Sometimes no just means no and as adults we don't have to explain our reasons. JMHO

 

:iagree: In my house, those sorts of shenanigans would get all your electronics removed. It would also get you a ton of punitive chores. I hate scrubbing toilets.

[jld]

Amy G., I just wanted to say that you've raised a smart boy there, regardless of your conflict with him right now. An intelligent young man like this has a smart mom, and I'm sure you'll both be able to figure out a way to handle this issue that will bring you both peace.

 

I bet there are a lot of grown men who aren't able to reason and write as clearly as this teenager. I'm truly impressed. Hats off to Amy and her dh!

[melissel]

Well, he is indeed Clever, I'll give him that :lol:

 

Oh Amy :grouphug: I'm sorry. Everything is so much harder when you're not your normal self, even the small stuff (and this is big stuff). I'm not entirely sure how we'll handle the computer-in-the-bedroom stuff when the time comes, but I will say that even though I lean to the more lenient side, the level of nagging and the posting here would definitely resolve the issue for me: There would be no computer in the room, and now there would probably be no computer at all--at least until proper reparations had been made.

 

And InfernoFalcon, unfortunately, you've likely invoked the mother's curse. Someday, when you have teenagers of your own, they will do something that will remind you of this incident, and you will want to call your mother and apologize :D

[elegantlion]

I believe you misunderstand my point of view,

It is possible that I have misunderstood you entirely, in which case I would appreciate you to restate your intentions so we can reach some common agreement. I am more than willing to happily comply with any standards you like, but I would appreciate knowing what intention is behind them so perhaps I could gain something as well.

 

Edit: After further reflection, I can't see how you would be concerned about my internet viewing, seeing as I have at least three handheld devices that can fully access the internet, which you do not require me to have in a public area. I believe you are aware of this.

 

Maybe it is just me, but I think that confronting your parent publically in this manner, no matter how well structured, simply comes across as disrespectful.

 

I don't see this as disrespectful at all, this is a PUBLIC message board. His concerns were well stated and even acknowledges that he may have misunderstood her.

 

Hmmmm....Is this supposed to make me more agreeable to negotiations?

 

It's not working.

 

:grouphug:

 

:lol::lol::lol: I have to jump in here and rate this:

Creativity/Originality = 7

Persuasive Argument = 8

Logical Reasoning = 9

 

However... your mom makes the rules. ;) Gotta go with her. You do bring a strong appeal regarding your expensive $$ purchase being near the younger siblings. :confused:

 

:iagree:

 

Wow, this attempt at trying to publicly embarrass would have resulted in loss of privileges from ALL internet accessible devices in our house. (Which to me sounds like you have too many.) I don't know how mom dealt with this but if your still reading this thread InfernoFalcon I'd like to personally tell you to cut your mother some slack, stop being disrespectful and learn your place. Sometimes no just means no and as adults we don't have to explain our reasons. JMHO

 

Really? Again this is a PUBLIC message board and anyone can read or sign up and post. SHE brought the debate here, which I fully understand, as is the dynamic of getting opinions on issues. If he had been reading and responding to personal e-mails, that would be a different issue. As it is what is posted here is for all to see. She made the issue public, he did not, and as a participant in the issue I believe he has a full right to post his side of the situation. His post shows a certain maturity and respect, IMO.

 

As to OP, obviously this is an issue that should be solved offline, although there is a certain irony to it now. 3k is a LOT of money, I can understand him wanted to best protect his investment.

 

As to how we handle electronics in our house, we're a bit more free range. My ds has a computer, TV, and Xbox in his room. He has his own internet capable phone, that he bought, and it stays in his room as well. Honestly, I'm not sure how we'd handle it if we had multiple children. Obviously what we do doesn't work for every family and you need to make the best decision for your family. :grouphug:

[Lolly]

Well, he IS a clever boy! And, his mother is the one who brought it here. I found Mr. Falcon to be very polite in his post. I must say that I am impressed with his position.

 

Amy, I would have to ask what the objections are to having his computer in his room. Or, is it just because it has been family policy? If so, perhaps it is time to reevaluate. Your son makes some very sound arguments.

 

In my house, my kids are allowed to take their computers to their rooms. The only problem this has really brought about is that they tend to stay on it too late and not sleep. Easy solution, at bedtime, computer must leave their room.

Same for that xBox control.