How do you motivate your children?

[joni470]

Do you give rewards? Do you work toward a week off? Do you have a point system? I am curious to hear how you motivate your children to complete their school work.

 

-Savannah

http://www.hammocktracks.com

[Parrothead]

You have to find what works for each particular child. My dd likes money. She also loves her dance classes. I've never paid her for doing school work. She has missed two dance classes (same day) because she had to finish school.

[mom31257]

I don't reward our kids at all and never have. IMO, their school work is part of life. I don't get rewarded for washing dishes or doing laundry. If my kids gave me trouble about finishing it, which they do not, I would more than likely discipline them for it. I would probably remove privileges they enjoy the most.

[lllll]

When they were little, I suppose the reward was 'As soon as you finish this thing (school, chore, etc.) you can go play'. Free time.

 

But now that I think about it, free time has always been a great motivator for our dc. Although, I do have vivid memories of bribing them with ice cream and cookies for "energy" to do their chores or some work around the house - on occassion. :D That never worked for long with our dc, however. I always wound up back where I started - when we're finished doing x, you will be free to go do whatever you want to do.

[m0mmaBuck]

Do you give rewards? Do you work toward a week off? Do you have a point system? I am curious to hear how you motivate your children to complete their school work.

 

-Savannah

www.hammocktracks.com

 

:bigear:

[KrissiK]

I sort of do rewards, but I don't find them to be a good motivator. If they don't care about the reward then they don't do it. I've been re-reading "How to Have a New Kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman and he's really in to the natural consequences thing and my kids respond much more to that. For example, "DS, you have X amount of school work to do and it will be done before you get to watch 'Dragon Tales'." And then I leave. I don't nag, remind, anything. Now, DT is his favorite show in the world, so it works. If he doesn't get his work done, I put him and his work at a tv tray in my bedroom and he works until he's finished. I do the same thing with chores. It's kept my bloodpressure waaay down, and it's really reduced the amount of conflict in our house.

[TammyinTN]

This is the only year I have really treated him for doing his work. Dad has been deployed since last May and it was a long winter. Each week we worked hard to go do something fun on the weekend. He loves climbing so we would go to the climbing wall, pool, out for dinner and ice skating. I also got loads of X-box, Wii and Nitendo games in this past year. We had to have something fun to do on the weekends and sometimes even at night. ;)

[BMW]

While I don't believe it is good to reward regularly for daily life, I know that it sure means a lot to me when I am working towards a goal or a reward...

 

If I like to invite a friend over to visit with and am motivate to tidy up a little better, I haven't ruined myself... and I don't think that type of thing ruins a child. Make life fun!

 

There is something to say, also, for the child who just does what he/she is supposed to do and is responsible "just because". But I think most of us really do like positive motivation.

 

I liked motivating my children when they were younger by giving them more school work to do Mon-Thurs and doing fun projects on Fridays.

 

When it came to math drills, I would make up a large chart and when they reached a certain number (calculadders) they got to get an ice cream. They would try so hard and they loved doing their drills!

 

Outside of those couple of things, I didn't really use other things... I have a son now who just wont do his work on time and even with positive motivation (playing at a friends house, bike riding when he gets done...) still takes 4-6 hours for math on a stubborn day. I do have to resort to negative motivation with him, which saddens me... But he continuously makes the choice to dawdle and drag it out for hours on end (he does all other subject PRIOR to math or we'd never get ANY work done!) and so he loses free time and gets consequences for doing that... and he still does it... Oh, well...

 

I wanted to share another idea I would do for chores around the house... I would make up chore bingo cards sometimes... with something like a rice crispy treat when they got a row done... Other times we would do a 5 minute timer and all work in a room together and go to the next one and dance around and chase each other when the timer went off... There were MANY times we sang while sorting laundry and they would stand tall and hold their little arms out and around to make a hoop and line up across the room and I'd match up their sox and try to make the shot with the sox!

 

Fun. Find ways to make daily life a bit of fun. They will grow up all too soon.

[Ellie]

No rewards, no need to "motivate." I teach, they do assignments (if necessary), the end. If they had serious melt-downs or other issues with what I had assigned, I'd have re-evaluated what I was doing and made changes.

[Jean in Newcastle]

We do not do rewards here other than the ones that naturally happen. If they do their work they get the reward of a happy mama who is not riding their tail to get it done! And then they get free time too as a natural result.

 

I motivate them by choosing schoolwork that is engaging and interesting. There are some more boring parts but I will often sandwich those between the interesting subjects/tasks so it seems less arduous.

[alpidarkomama]

Work done well IS the reward!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Work done well IS the reward!

 

Hear! Hear!:)

[Friederike in Persia]

Work done well IS the reward!

 

:iagree: I also find that the older my girls get the more we can get into the actual "joy", "sense of achievement" when having mastered a topic, a new skill,...

[Stacy in NJ]

I don't reward our kids at all and never have. IMO, their school work is part of life. I don't get rewarded for washing dishes or doing laundry. If my kids gave me trouble about finishing it, which they do not, I would more than likely discipline them for it. I would probably remove privileges they enjoy the most.

 

We are similar in our house. I don't reward for doing daily or weekly chores or school work. I do reward or pay money when my kids go "above and beyond", when they do extra yard or house work. My kids do receive a weekly allowance. I might hold back some or all of it if they fail to meet expectations. The allowance has really helped them learn about saving and managing money and I like that. I also restrict privleges, like screen time, if they fail to get chores or school work completed in a timely and accurate manner.

 

I do give really small rewards, like a tiny chocolate egg, after a math drill page or a particularly challenging lesson, just to show I appreciate their effort.

 

We also have "The refrigerator of honor". If my kids get a perfect score on a test or difficult math assignment, I sing a little song about the refrigerator of honor and post it there. I know - embarrassing, not my kids actually like it.

[Ester Maria]

Work well done IS reward in itself, I'll second that.

 

I don't reward my kids for doing what they're supposed to be doing, but a few times they really positively surprised me with the amount of time and effort they put into something that wasn't among their interests and with the achievement after that, and I knew how much self-discipline it took, that I decided they deserved a reward in a form of a day or two off for a trip somewhere, a book I knew they really wanted or unexpected shopping, taking them out for a dinner, stuff like that.

[Jilly]

My kids are not allowed any screen time during the week, and they know that they will not get any on the weekend either if all their weeks work is not done. This motivates the kids to make sure all their work is done everyday!

[mom4him]

When we are finished with their work they get to go play, until they are finished they stay at our school table and work. It is pretty simple for them. You just do it!

[Sputterduck]

I don't. I am a big believer in internal motivation. I teach my son the value of hard work, the value of learning, etc. I know that sounds kind of idealistic and all, but it has worked immensely well.

[Chris in VA]

My dd is motivated by wanting to do what's right.

I honestly have no idea how she got there.

Guess God knew I'd be exhausted after the other two and decided to go easy on me!:lol:

[jujsky]

Most weeks I will give them Friday off if they complete 5 days of work by Thursday. Even if they don't end up with all of Friday off, they usually get enough work done to have a short day. I don't do this as a reward exactly. We have a certain amount of work to do each week so if they work hard and are motivated enough, they get free time. It's more of a cause and effect thing.

 

I also count school as one of their chores, so they get a token each day they do school (25 tokens = $1).

 

And I also motivate them by withholding activities. Most afternoons they have an activity. If school isn't done, they don't get to go. I've only had to do that twice. Once they realized that I meant business and really would make them miss out on an activity (oh, the humiliation for DS when he had to explain to his drama teacher that he had to sit out in the car with me while his sister was in theater because he didn't do his school work that day!) the mere threat of it on a feet-dragging day is enough to get them grudgingly on-track.

Edited March 28, 2010 by jujsky

[myfunnybunch]

I motivate them by choosing schoolwork that is engaging and interesting. There are some more boring parts but I will often sandwich those between the interesting subjects/tasks so it seems less arduous.

 

Yes. This is what we do too.

 

I often make it engaging by being fun and planning motivating projects, and also by involving them in their school planning. Allowing them some choices in what they'd like to learn, or when they'd like to do different subjects during the day, delving deeper into the topics that excite them.

 

Though I've used some fun games and token systems for specific short-term situations, I try to avoid long-term reward systems as motivators because I feel that they detract from the excitement of learning, or from the self-discipline of doing the work that they need to do. (Not to detract from those for whom these systems work, just my experience with my children, ymmv and all of that. :) )

 

Cat

[Medieval Mom]

"The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it." Emerson

 

Truly, this is our philosophy. I would hate to have ds think that education is a necessary chore that he must finish before he could have his reward. Rather, it is a pleasure and a gift in and of itself to become educated. Our family often talks about the rare gift of a good education, and how lucky we are that we are able to do this at home.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Ummmm, I don't use any of that sort of thing. Doing so is just part of life. I hope they enjoy it and are rewarded by doing it well. No doubt there is some reward in complying with me and obeying God's commands regarding such things. But regardless, it's life.

 

The CLOSEST I would get to rewards would be the built in positive consequence of "you may _______ (anything outside of breath, go to the bathroom, eat) when you've correctly completed your work" as we believe in "work before play."

 

One more thought: Kids learn self-motivation when you allow them to. I think that extrinsic rewards takes the opportunity away from them. It also devalues the intrinsic rewards, imo.

 

BTW, I'm not COMPLETELY against rewards, but I think overdoing them (and I consider even semi-use of them overdoing it) is problematic. We've used rewards for less than a handful of things.