imeverywoman Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I've just finished reading a thread wherein it was mentioned that there is great laughter in the home and this is how the OP wants the kids to remember their hs experience. It got me thinking about my kids' experience and their memory will be awful if something doesn't change, and change quickly. I'm really working on changing myself, afterall, that is the best place to begin, with oneself. I am trying to create a peaceful home by not raising my voice and by creating order in our home. I've also begun to implement a daily quiet time of two hours (2-4pm) wherein we each have our own time to use as we may. It is my intent to do a game after dinner, as often as possible. But I was wondering how you feel about the ambiance in your home and what you do to create it or change it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I am so not perfect in this regard. I think my boys will look back and remember how much time we spent together, how much we laughed and how silly we were. And I'm sure they will remember how mommy lost her temper and yelled and then apologized for it later. :) They will probably remember that I was always up for making crafts, painting, playing with scissors (toddlers) and playdough and they will remember that I took thousands of pictures. I'm hoping they will remember that I didn't yell when they came in muddy and that I ran to grab the camera when they got stuck in trees or covered themselves with paint while working on an important project. I hope they will remember that even though I wasn't perfect and that I sometimes sent them to their rooms because "mommy needs quiet" that I cared a lot and loved them. I won't mind if they remember the stuff I did badly as long as they have a clear picture of what I did well, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 It's getting better here. Without the tv we're more involved with each other and dh is finally learning how to respond without yelling. The house is cluttered and messy :p but it's comfortable too. We're not perfect yet, I still want to have a permanent yummy smell in the air (apples or bread, iykwIm) and less clutter with matching furniture ;) , but for now, at least it's become more peaceful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I feel like I'm just surrounded by chaos and mess, but I'm wondering if there is some big disconnect between my perceptions and reality. When people come to my house they always comment on how beautiful everything is here. Miss Beautiful had a friend over this weekend who said, "I love coming here because your house is so warm and cozy." Even my teenage son tells me once a day, "Thank you for letting us have all of these animals and this kind of life and this beautiful house." I really wish that I could see things from the outside instead of always focusing on what could be better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) Ours is pretty good. While both dh and I both lose our tempers occasionally, usually our home life is pretty pleasant. We laugh and joke around a lot. My eldest is a very easy going, roll with the punches kid; my younger is more sensitive and sweet. At this point in our homeschooling life we have a rather loosely structured day that flows well. I'm always trying to think of ways to better engage the boys, push them just a bit socially and academically, and find interesting activites. Sometimes we'll spend some time in a unproductive rut, but we always dig our way out. As the parent at home, I really do set the tone and atmosphere. If I'm on my game, fully paying attention, then things flow rather well. Dh is capable of filling in gaps when I'm ill or a bit put out. It is suprising how meaningful it is to my family to have well cooked meals, an organized home, and a cheerful wife/mother. So, I try to keep that in mind and just do the job. Usually (not always) I do. Edited October 13, 2009 by Stacy in NJ vg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I think ours is great. It was terrible before I divorced my husband, but now we have wonderful, wonderful peace. I'm just waiting for him to go after some sort of visitation and mess up our lives all over again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I think about that a lot, actually. I keep reading Susan Schaeffer Macauley's book "For the Family's Sake" because she really articulates what I want my homelife to be (which is strange because she's very CHarlotte Mason educationally speaking and I'm very not-Charlotte Mason, but I still really love the way she describes what a home should be like). I've been doing a lot of thinking about priorities because I've just been stressed lately, the house is a mess and I can't stand it, etc. etc. I'm juggling too many things and I need to try to figure it all out. I do know, however, that hubby and I have a good marriage, there no fighting, dischord, etc. from that quarter and we work at having a peaceful balance in our home. My problem is, I'm a little too controlling/type A and I can't figure out what to do about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) Our place is rather horrible, but it's getting better now that the baby is playing more independently. I get enough sleep to function, but rarely enough to function pleasantly. That's why I spend so much time here. Being able to plonk the boy on the floor to play while I wash dishes or something is really helping, though. I'm looking forward to being the cheery Mamma I was during my eldest's first year. Well, the second half of her first year, anyway. The first half was lost in a sleep deprived blur! We're getting there slowly. I think ds will be crawling in another few weeks. I am so envious of people who's children nap for hours each day! Middle aged women are always telling me the kids don't stay babies long enough, but I'm ready for this season to be over. I'll miss the happy baby things, but I'll be a much better woman when I'm allowed to sleep again and everyone will benefit from that. Rosie Edited October 13, 2009 by Rosie_0801 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blessed2fosteradopt Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 This is such a timely thread for me. Mine, at the moment, is terrible. Whether we are speaking of our main home or our vacation home in NC (where we are now and that I love) our ambiance is one of chaos and stress. I would love to change it and each time I try the effort is futile. I have three children, two of which fight incessantly (2-three year olds) and an older brother who exacerbates things. It seems that lately there is constant yelling and upheaval. I would love a peaceful home but, at this point, it seems out of reach. I will be watching this post intently. Blessings, Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greensummervillian Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I think the atmosphere of our home is pretty good most of the time. A long time ago I realized I had to lower my standards on cleanliness if I wanted to be happy. It's clean enough for comfort, but messy enough that I don't want my mother in law popping in without at least half an hour's warning, lol. We usually have other kids over here several hours per day, so I guess they like it here. When it comes to homeschooling, the kids aren't thrilled about it all the time, but I think they generally find their work level to be appropriate and they end up learning something and coming away with a sense of accomplishment so they are generally satisfied. I don't put in a ton of effort to make everything seem like fun and games because I know that would stress me out and I wouldn't be as much fun. I do try to make sure their work is meaningful. I try to say yes or at least seriously consider their requests before giving an automatic no. I like my kids to have a reasonable amount of freedom so they can learn who they really are and how to make good decisions. We do game nights and movie nights and building a campfire in the backyard nights. We go on bike rides, walk the dog, play tennis, and work around the house and in the yard together. We love it. If I'm being honest with myself, there are two main causes for those times when the ambiance in our home is bad. 1) Too much screen time. It makes us lazy and less patient. It takes time, so the important things we need to do seem rushed and the fun non-tv things get crowded out. 2)I'm the problem. Sometimes I'm amazed by how much control I have over the general tone in our home. If I want to do my own thing and not be bothered, my husband follows suit. Then we're both getting pissy with each other and the kids, and it's just not good. (Everyone should be allowed some alone time, but I personally need balance or I will get selfish about it.) I think as long as I stay present in the moment and keep a positive attitude, everything is great. If I'm not taking care of my health it's hard for me be the person I want to be. Lack of sleep, lack of exercise, and too much sugar will send me into a downward spiral. If I don't take time to socialize with my friends and do things I like to do I find myself being negative. If the best way to lead is by example, the best thing I can do for my family and my home is take care of myself and practice lots of patience. I also think we're all different. Person A may need to be told how to relax and go with the flow. Person B may need to be told to get some structure in their day. Person C may need to take some time for themselves, while Person D might need a reminder to pay more attention to her family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greensummervillian Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Rosie, babyhood is tough for me too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Someone asked this same thing in our class at church on Sunday. It spurred a conversation later between dh and I about how we would classify the atmosphere in our home. I think I tend to be very task oriented and want to check things off the list, while dh is the fun one. He tells the kids all the time that the #1 rule while he is at work is to have fun. He has helped me loosen up a bit. I have learned as I get older not to sweat the small stuff (having a son in a war zone helps with that) and I can't remember the last time I raised my voice. While we have a regular defined schedule for weekdays that involve school, housework, and activities every afternoon for almost everyone, it is what they have chosen and we make it work. We have a good time in the midst of the rush. So our weeks are very structured, but we do laugh a lot and have a good time. We can get very silly. On the weekends we have teenagers in and out all the time and sometimes during the week when my teenager is home. There are extra younger kids here sometimes as well. Our weekends I could classify as chaotic fun. Last weekend a 13yo girl who is a friend of my dd spent the night. She says our house is so crazy we should have our own TV show. I hope my dc have memories of lots of love, lots of fun, and lots of learning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Its not bad, not perfect, very real, and there is definitely room for improvement ;). And, reading all the responses about how difficult it is with babies - I am very glad that mine can talk (even if I don't always like what they are saying!) and can tell me what's going on; those baby days were very difficult ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMary2 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 For the most part our home is pleasant. It isn't always tidy, but generally we all enjoy each other. We have some sibling spats and moments of yelling when people aren't listening which I think is normal. Around here my husband reminds the boys, "When mama ain't happy then no one around here will be happy. So keep mama happy!" LOL They forget sometimes :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I love the atmosphere of our home, for the most part. We have an open door policy that means many surprise and frequent drop-ins from friends and family, including the kids' dad. For us, this is a positive thing :) We found that "good enough" balance between free-spirited-chaos and suffocatingly-restrictive-orderliness and it's a place we can live, learn, and love without worrying about spilling art supplies or tripping over clutter. My kids are at ages where they're generally amiable, and mostly a pleasure to be around. After a few years of stress and growing pains, we've finally found our peace as a family. I appreciate the ambiance at our home. I hope it's a loooooong season LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I didn't see that thread, I will have to check it out. But here's the thing. I have yelled. I try not to, my dh is not a yeller, the kids are not yellers. I rely on humor to get me through, and for me, humor helps us to build connection. I love to laugh and I love people hearing people laugh. I also love how wry my kids are. Laughter is very important to me. However, I do think every family is different, and however you roll happily together is what is right. Some people laugh and some people are more quiet. It's the connection that is everything, not how one gets there. Each family is unique and builds this love and connection in their own personal way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tea Time Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I've just finished reading a thread wherein it was mentioned that there is great laughter in the home and this is how the OP wants the kids to remember their hs experience. It got me thinking about my kids' experience and their memory will be awful if something doesn't change, and change quickly. I'm really working on changing myself, afterall, that is the best place to begin, with oneself. I am trying to create a peaceful home by not raising my voice and by creating order in our home. I've also begun to implement a daily quiet time of two hours (2-4pm) wherein we each have our own time to use as we may. It is my intent to do a game after dinner, as often as possible. But I was wondering how you feel about the ambiance in your home and what you do to create it or change it? Excuse me for not reading all the post, but just want to mention one thing. I think there is a danger in trying to create a nice atmosphere at any cost. I say this because some people are very afraid of conflict, especially with their children, and so they do not confront inappropriate behavior or make healthy boundaries because they just want to "keep the peace." When my children were little we had a lot of fun and good times, but there was a lot of clashing, too. I hated it, and often I felt like a huge failure. My children, especially my oldest (dd), were very strong willed, a trait that I love in them now. I had to really, really push myself to be her "leader" for a long time as it did not come naturally, and it definitely disrupted daily harmony. I am sure I felt it the most because of my nature. I might have easily let her run the roost. Fortunately dh was her match, and I did my best to keep up. It was good for both of us that I did. As time went on, we have been able to harvest the fruit of those difficult times, and our children as teens have been great. Slowly the conflicts grew fewer, and the harmony grew richer. But the harmony we have now is more "real" because we were willing to work through the hard times honestly, not gloss them over in an attempt to make some artificial "pleasantness" prevail all the time. Anyway, this may have been addressed, sorry if it is a repeated idea. I also want to give encouragement to those that might be feeling like they are trying to do this but are not headed in the right direction. Some investments take time to pay off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Compared to my quiet, beautiful, spotless childhood, my house is chaos, but it really isn't that bad. Hubby is hard of hearing and grumpier than my family, but there is a lot of laughter and books and music, and without winning the lotto, I have no way to stay home and make the home my mother made. Too bad, but one must puddle on as best as one can. Kiddo is happy and bright-eyed, and he knows that quieter, neater houses exist. I think he'll live through it. On the plus side, I never saw my parents disagree, EVER. My son knows two people can be red in the face for a few minutes, and then call the other to see the beautiful sunset or the funny whatever. We squabble, but we forgive very quickly. Perhaps I should have seen this as a child. After a quiet, polite marriage where I was happy but hubby wanted out, I vowed this one would hash its mash as it came up, and thus far, despite not being so pretty on the outside, has proved more resilient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 I could have written your post. Seriously, I feel like I am fighting all day to keep everyone on track, that I am the glue that holds the entire household together, etc. The boys grumble, they're slow about things, there is always something that needs to be done. I typically do not laugh much, and we are all quickly agitated people around here. I try. I try so hard. I think about it every time I get up and when I go to bed. Evem just playing a game, there's squabbling, whining about fairness, the rules, reminding people it's their turn, constant chattering, etc. Almost everything feels like a struggle sometimes. I am very easily maxed out on stimuli. When I am on a task -- like getting the kids ready for bed, making dinner, etc., I don't like chatting. I don't like distractions. The boys cannot handle distractions -- especially Ben who is so hard to keep focused. I can be reading a sentence (this happened today), and before I am finished, Ben starts saying something. At times, it has nothing to do with what I am reading. So, I feel frazzled and fried half the time. I used to laugh so much. I used to have so many friends. ugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkpan Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Excuse me for not reading all the post, but just want to mention one thing. I think there is a danger in trying to create a nice atmosphere at any cost. I say this because some people are very afraid of conflict, especially with their children, and so they do not confront inappropriate behavior or make healthy boundaries because they just want to "keep the peace." When my children were little we had a lot of fun and good times, but there was a lot of clashing, too. I hated it, and often I felt like a huge failure. My children, especially my oldest (dd), were very strong willed, a trait that I love in them now. I had to really, really push myself to be her "leader" for a long time as it did not come naturally, and it definitely disrupted daily harmony. I am sure I felt it the most because of my nature. I might have easily let her run the roost. Fortunately dh was her match, and I did my best to keep up. It was good for both of us that I did. As time went on, we have been able to harvest the fruit of those difficult times, and our children as teens have been great. Slowly the conflicts grew fewer, and the harmony grew richer. But the harmony we have now is more "real" because we were willing to work through the hard times honestly, not gloss them over in an attempt to make some artificial "pleasantness" prevail all the time. Anyway, this may have been addressed, sorry if it is a repeated idea. I also want to give encouragement to those that might be feeling like they are trying to do this but are not headed in the right direction. Some investments take time to pay off. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 (edited) Rosie, babyhood is tough for me too. It's amazing how much in love you can be with a little person who piddles, poops and pukes on you and your belongings, and deprives you of sleep. :001_wub: Then there's the toddler! It's amazing how cute a little person can be while they are pulling their clothes out of their drawers, dropping banana on the carpet and throwing books off the shelves. :001_wub: But I really won't mind when they stop doing those things! :) Rosie P.S. Dawn, can you institute some way of signaling to the boys when you are Mamma on a Mission and when you are open to conversation? Maybe something like putting your hair up when you are busy and taking it out when you are not. Edited October 14, 2009 by Rosie_0801 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CookieMonster Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 It's amazing how much in love you can be with a little person who piddles, poops and pukes on you and your belongings, and deprives you of sleep. :001_wub: Then there's the toddler! It's amazing how cute a little person can be while they are pulling their clothes out of their drawers, dropping banana on the carpet and throwing books off the shelves. :001_wub: But I really won't mind when they stop doing those things! :) Rosie Isn't that the truth! Anyway, this may have been addressed, sorry if it is a repeated idea. I also want to give encouragement to those that might be feeling like they are trying to do this but are not headed in the right direction. Some investments take time to pay off. Thanks for this encouragement. I needed it today. We would have a much more peaceful household if it wasn't for one particular child - whom I love dearly with all my heart forever and ever amen. And I was just wondering to dh yesterday about whether it was ever going to get any better. I try so hard, but man alive, you would not believe...oh, maybe you would. To the OP - I have thought a lot about the ambiance in my home over the years. Sometimes I focus on it quite a lot. And I've come to realize that there's a lot to it. One of the biggest factors is dh. What he likes, wants, and needs determine a lot; his interests have just as much weight as mine do. For instance, he's just not a table-game guy. So my rosy scenario of a nightly family game is just going to end in frustration for everyone. There are other things too. And I've learned that he has his own brand of family togetherness that always involves a boat, or some woods, or some money. Since I make sure everyone is fed and safe, we manage to make great family memories his way too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Chaos reigns at my house and yet my children are frequently bored. They also complain that I complain about the mess and chaos too much and yet I am the cool mom and all the kids want to hang out a my house. So I guess it must not be too bad. I get along with my children well and we don't have family tension so I thinks things are good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 I don't know quite how to say this but I'll give it a shot. The more I work on myself, the better the family responds. And what I mean by "working on myself" is not what you might think. I used to think I deserved a "______" fill in the blank: spa day, massage, haircut, chocolate shake, time off, etc. But now I try to serve my family instead. I don't neglect myself, but I don't feel resentful either. For instance, I try to do things that are genuinely kind for each of my children (and husband). I do not keep score on how many chores I do versus what they do. I pray each day for each of them. The more I buckle down and do the things that I need to do, the more cooperative and hard working they become (in school and just in general). I try to figure out what each family member needs, and then do it. Sometimes that means putting a huge effort into an outside activity that one of the kids is involved with, such as a play or a sporting event. The result is that we have become closer than ever before. I'm not saying that I am immune to being in a bad mood once in a while, but since I started working on my own self in this way, the harmonious times have multiplied and stressful times have greatly diminished. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 I could have written your post. Seriously, I feel like I am fighting all day to keep everyone on track, that I am the glue that holds the entire household together, etc. The boys grumble, they're slow about things, there is always something that needs to be done. I typically do not laugh much, and we are all quickly agitated people around here. I try. I try so hard. I think about it every time I get up and when I go to bed. Evem just playing a game, there's squabbling, whining about fairness, the rules, reminding people it's their turn, constant chattering, etc. Almost everything feels like a struggle sometimes. I am very easily maxed out on stimuli. When I am on a task -- like getting the kids ready for bed, making dinner, etc., I don't like chatting. I don't like distractions. The boys cannot handle distractions -- especially Ben who is so hard to keep focused. I can be reading a sentence (this happened today), and before I am finished, Ben starts saying something. At times, it has nothing to do with what I am reading. So, I feel frazzled and fried half the time. I used to laugh so much. I used to have so many friends. ugh (((Dawn)))....:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 (edited) How do I feel, you ask? I feel that ideals are not reality nor is reality always ideal, especially when the two adults in the house are married roommates. But that's life. Our home is clean and cozy and candle-lit and we read and play games far more often than we sit in front of screens. There's not great laughter as in "ho ho ho! ha ha ha! aren't we merry?!" That's just not us. I'm not a great laughter kinda gal unless I'm watching "Waiting for Guffman" or some such. (And if I had to live with him, Christopher Guest might not seem so side-splittiingly funny after all, ya know?) We spend a tremendous amount of time together, working and playing ~ enough time to grate on one another's nerves a good deal. I try like heck to ignore the petty stuff but it's so ding dang hard because good golly! life would be grand if all these people would just be happy all the time.;) Ya know, friend, comedian Jeff Foxworthy said something along the lines of: "Whenever our family thinks we're screwed up, we go to the state fair and realize we're royalty compared to the people around us." There ya go! Aspire to be an Edith Schaeffer but spend an hour at the mall in the meantime and you'll come away feeling like the best darn mom, wife, and homemaker in the world.:D :grouphug: Edited October 15, 2009 by Colleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittleWonders Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 I don't know quite how to say this but I'll give it a shot. The more I work on myself, the better the family responds. And what I mean by "working on myself" is not what you might think. I used to think I deserved a "______" fill in the blank: spa day, massage, haircut, chocolate shake, time off, etc. But now I try to serve my family instead. I don't neglect myself, but I don't feel resentful either. For instance, I try to do things that are genuinely kind for each of my children (and husband). I do not keep score on how many chores I do versus what they do. I pray each day for each of them. The more I buckle down and do the things that I need to do, the more cooperative and hard working they become (in school and just in general). I try to figure out what each family member needs, and then do it. Sometimes that means putting a huge effort into an outside activity that one of the kids is involved with, such as a play or a sporting event. The result is that we have become closer than ever before. I'm not saying that I am immune to being in a bad mood once in a while, but since I started working on my own self in this way, the harmonious times have multiplied and stressful times have greatly diminished. Thank you for writing this; I think I need to print it out and read it every now and then. :o This thread has had me thinking a lot the last day or so. I have not been happy with the general atmosphere of my house at all. I have three very strong-willed children, one of whom would be considered special needs if not for diet elimination. He is also extremely sensitive to everything around him. And he is the sweetest, most lovable guy too. And he's explosive. We all have a hard time processing life when it comes too fast and too hard (which is hard to avoid with three sensitive, strong-willed children). But, my best friend pointed me towards the book The Explosive Child, and at least based on what I've read thus far, I think it is going to help us all. I want things to be lighter around here. I want more cooperation and less competition. And less yelling. And more trusting. I want to know that they are going to listen to me, and I want to be able to pick my battles with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 I am so not perfect in this regard. I think my boys will look back and remember how much time we spent together, how much we laughed and how silly we were. And I'm sure they will remember how mommy lost her temper and yelled and then apologized for it later. :) They will probably remember that I was always up for making crafts, painting, playing with scissors (toddlers) and playdough and they will remember that I took thousands of pictures. I'm hoping they will remember that I didn't yell when they came in muddy and that I ran to grab the camera when they got stuck in trees or covered themselves with paint while working on an important project. I hope they will remember that even though I wasn't perfect and that I sometimes sent them to their rooms because "mommy needs quiet" that I cared a lot and loved them. I won't mind if they remember the stuff I did badly as long as they have a clear picture of what I did well, too. Oh, Emmy, I could relate to all of this -- just switch out FOUR BOYS :001_huh: with THREE GIRLS, and you've got us. Go easy on yourself, Sister! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 I think its so important to laugh with your kids and just get down right silly with them. To me its not about planning games and going places but about just letting go and just relaxing. Lounge about with the kids ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Excuse me for not reading all the post, but just want to mention one thing. I think there is a danger in trying to create a nice atmosphere at any cost. I say this because some people are very afraid of conflict, especially with their children, and so they do not confront inappropriate behavior or make healthy boundaries because they just want to "keep the peace." When my children were little we had a lot of fun and good times, but there was a lot of clashing, too. I hated it, and often I felt like a huge failure. My children, especially my oldest (dd), were very strong willed, a trait that I love in them now. I had to really, really push myself to be her "leader" for a long time as it did not come naturally, and it definitely disrupted daily harmony. I am sure I felt it the most because of my nature. I might have easily let her run the roost. Fortunately dh was her match, and I did my best to keep up. It was good for both of us that I did. As time went on, we have been able to harvest the fruit of those difficult times, and our children as teens have been great. Slowly the conflicts grew fewer, and the harmony grew richer. But the harmony we have now is more "real" because we were willing to work through the hard times honestly, not gloss them over in an attempt to make some artificial "pleasantness" prevail all the time. Anyway, this may have been addressed, sorry if it is a repeated idea. I also want to give encouragement to those that might be feeling like they are trying to do this but are not headed in the right direction. Some investments take time to pay off. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I needed to read this tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauracolumbus Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 This is our third year hs'ing and I feel like our atmosphere is a lot more relaxed b/c I don't feel as stressed to cram as much into them as possible. I feel like I can finally take the time to have some fun. I'm also finding the less we do outside the home in the way of activities, the more fun it is inside the home. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imeverywoman Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 but spend an hour at the mall in the meantime and you'll come away feeling like the best darn mom, wife, and homemaker in the world.:D :grouphug: You ain't just whistlin' Dixie!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.