nursing in public and modesty

[chaik76]

I don't care how or where you breastfeed...if you are wearing a cover or just pull your shirt up.

 

I don't personally nurse in public because I am uncomfortable nursing in public...but definitely people should be able to nurse how and where they want in the way they want.

[Peela]

We have no problem with nudity at all in our fmaily- well, dh and I dont and never have. The kids have become quite modest on their on accord.

I tandem breastfed until the kids were 5 and 3.5. Frequently in public. I felt no shame. However, I did learn to cover up as best as I could, and also to be descreet about where I bf- because I dont like the energy of leering men or judgemental people coming at me, and I don't want my kids to feel it either. As much as I might like to think I am immune to it, it does affect me. However, I will fight for my right to do it anyway.

 

Once I was sitting at a coffee table with some friends bf my oldest, and a man came and made a very lurid and sexual remark about my breasts. It was the first time I had been exposed to that mentality since I had a baby and my friend just about ripped his head off for me while I sat there stunned. It made me realise that some people do think like that and yuk yuk yuk, I would rather not attract it.

[Ester Maria]

I voted for the second option.

 

Personally, I have no problem with it, as long as it's discreet (not necessarily covered up, just discreet enough that it goes unnoticed if people don't stare - which is then their problem, not yours), though I didn't practice that myself while I was nursing my daughters.

 

I do think, however, that some places are more and some less adequate for public nursing - but then again, the places I don't consider adequate for public nursing are the places I don't consider adequate for mothers with young children in the first place.

[KingM]

As a male, with many male friends from all walks of life, I don't believe that there is a normal adult male (between 16 and 45) who can look at the nipple of a female stranger and feel nothing. I don't think it really makes much difference if the exposed nipple is about to feed a baby or anything else.

 

I believe you when you say that you feel something when you see a woman nursing. I see a woman feeding her baby. If I feel anything, it's the joy of witnessing love and life in action, not much different than seeing a father holding his newborn baby, or even a mare nuzzling her newborn foal.

 

I can only speak for this man, but I do not feel anything remotely sexual. I'm troubled that you would extrapolate your experience and suggest that I (and every other man) would do the same.

[keptwoman]

Thank you KingM, I'm sure my DH would agree with you if he were here to defend himself.

[mommaduck]

Thank you KingM, I'm sure my DH would agree with you if he were here to defend himself.

:iagree: As would both my husband and my sons who are used to breasts feeding babies. My son will walk out of a room if he see commercial with scantily clad women, but won't bat an eyelash if a mother is feeding her child. Unlike some men, HE recognises the difference.

[amy g.]

My favorite response was when my friend was told to stop breastfeeding at swim practice. She said, "I absolutely want to do the right thing, so put that request in writing, and I'll give it to my lawyer."

 

It shuts everybody up without being defensive.

 

The best breastfeeding experience I had was at Disneyland. I took Miss Bossy to California to see my grandmother when she was 6 weeks old. I had put her off all day taking care of the other kids, but it was getting dark and I really needed to sit down and feed her.

 

The place was a madhouse, but I found a nice quiet bench where no one was sitting. It took me awhile to notice that the employees were telling everyone else who tried to sit down that this part of the park was closed.

 

I started to get up and apologize, but they said, "Oh, no. There is nothing more important than what you are doing right now. The other guests are just going to have to deal with it."

[Tap]

As a male, with many male friends from all walks of life, I don't believe that there is a normal adult male (between 16 and 45) who can look at the nipple of a female stranger and feel nothing. I don't think it really makes much difference if the exposed nipple is about to feed a baby or anything else. The only exception might be some doctors who see them in the course of their work in a sterile environment day in and day out. Testosterone is a powerful drug that makes a male feel something when he sees certain parts of a woman, and all men have testosterone in their blood at all times.

 

I am not saying that all men are turned on or turned off by a woman breast feeding her baby, although I know that many are. I am saying that they feel something, and that something is not what they normally feel when they are in public.

 

Besides the effects of testosterone, I personally am uncomfortable seeing anyone perform almost any of their natural bodily functions in public, and I bet most of you who are in favor of public, 'in your face' breast feeding feel the way I do about these other bodily functions. Perhaps they are all beautiful processes, but I prefer that they are done discreetly. For instance, I wouldn't be turned on or off by a naked man seated next to me on the subway reading a newspaper. However, I would change my seat. When I was in South America, I stepped between two parked cars to cross the street in the middle of the day and stumbled over a woman squatting to go to the bathroom in the street. I wasn't repulsed nor was I turned on, however, I wasn't exactly comfortable either. I prefer not to see two men kissing each other passionately full on the mouth. It does not turn me on nor does it repulse me, and I am certain they believe it is a 'beautiful natural thing', but I just prefer not to share that part of their lives. For that matter, I prefer not to see anyone kissing passionately. It is a private thing that I feel uncomfortable watching others. Don't you? Sure, I can look the other way, but that's like having to look the other way when people urinate in public. It's disruptive and uncomfortable. Is anyone in favor of public urination?

 

While each of these situations are unique and made you feel uncomfortable, it seems like the uniqueness of each situation is what caused the uncomfortable feeling...not the action. Do you feel awkward seeing another man urinate? This happens in most public restrooms and in public situations like camping, etc. How about having a naked man walking around in a locker room instead of sitting beside you on a bus? Does that make you feel like no one should use a locker room? Everyone should go into little rooms and change their clothes or wait until they get home? Should men not be able to go bare chested...they have nipples too? What about a small child, boy or girl. Are all breasts whether on a 112lb 20yo or a 300lb 80yo titillating to you? You make it sound like you have no self control, you see a nipple and you are aroused, I know a lot of men too, and almost all of my friends growing up were men, I have been privy to many a mans conversation on sexual topics; I don't think that every man has soo little self control to feel arousal in these situations. But if you saw naked women every day all day, your oversensitivity would wane. This is more the point, that these unique situations mentioned here. If more women openly breastfed, you would get more desensitised to it, and it would be less unique to you.

[Jorsay]

While each of these situations are unique and made you feel uncomfortable, it seems like the uniqueness of each situation is what caused the uncomfortable feeling...not the action. Do you feel awkward seeing another man urinate? This happens in most public restrooms and in public situations like camping, etc.

 

I would feel akward seeing another man urinate in front of a strange woman. Like, perhaps all other men, I prefer bathrooms with private stalls and little walls between urinals. So yes, there is a bit of discomfort anywhere when two men are near each other with their pants down.

 

How about having a naked man walking around in a locker room instead of sitting beside you on a bus? Does that make you feel like no one should use a locker room?

 

If another man stood in front of me naked to have a conversation in a locker room, I would feel akward, yes. The truth is I don't think many men feel fully comfortable around other naked men anywhere, even in a locker room.

 

Everyone should go into little rooms and change their clothes or wait until they get home?

 

No they should be discreet when they dress.

 

Should men not be able to go bare chested...they have nipples too?

 

Not in restaurants or movie theatres or the like. I have pool in my backyard. When I have guests in my home, I feel a bit uncomfortable in my own home when I put on my suit in my bedroom and walk barechested out to the pool. I have seen that they feel a bit different as well.

 

In addition, men's nipples are not typically considered sexual by most people in our culture whereas all males consider women's nipples as sexual.

 

What about a small child, boy or girl. Are all breasts whether on a 112lb 20yo or a 300lb 80yo titillating to you?

 

See. You want to make me out to be a pervert. Most breasts are not the least bit arousing to me, as most male's privates would not be arousing to you. (assuming you are a women here) I don't think you would be aroused if I came to your house for dinner naked or even with my shirt off, but I don't think you would be comfortable. How would you feel if my 300 pound aunt sat down to your dinner table with her shirt off? Comfortable?

 

You make it sound like you have no self control, you see a nipple and you are aroused, I know a lot of men too, and almost all of my friends growing up were men, I have been privy to many a mans conversation on sexual topics; I don't think that every man has soo little self control to feel arousal in these situations.

 

Again, not about arousal. By the way, if you are a woman, it is naive to think that you understand exactly when a man is aroused or that many men would be truthful about it to you.

 

But if you saw naked women every day all day, your oversensitivity would wane. This is more the point, that these unique situations mentioned here. If more women openly breastfed, you would get more desensitised to it, and it would be less unique to you.

 

This is absurd. I don't want to be desensitised to strange nipples. Do you want to be desentised to arousal? Besides, it's not about arousal, it's about privacy. You don't want to see me running around the mall with my shirt off or naked, do you? Is that because you have no self control? Should we all run around naked to become desensitised.

 

I simply don't want to see your nipples. Why is that so bad. If you have to breast feed in public, be discreet. Don't show me your nipples. Please.

[Jorsay]

I would completely ignore your ignorant and unbelievable position that breastfeeding is on par with public elimination - except that I would abhor to think that you would assume my failure to disagree was like unto agreement.

WOW:confused:

 

and NO ONE in this post is advocating "in your face"

 

This attitude being verbalized gives some light onto the argument that babies should have to take their nourishment in the restroom. Ridiculous at best.

 

Discreet means "not in your face".

 

Not being discreet means "in your face".

 

If not, you don't disagree.

[Jorsay]

I believe you when you say that you feel something when you see a woman nursing. I see a woman feeding her baby. If I feel anything, it's the joy of witnessing love and life in action, not much different than seeing a father holding his newborn baby, or even a mare nuzzling her newborn foal.

 

I can only speak for this man, but I do not feel anything remotely sexual. I'm troubled that you would extrapolate your experience and suggest that I (and every other man) would do the same.

 

I didn't say that every man feels something sexual. I said that every man feels something that they don't usually feel in public. Again, if you have testosterone, that's what testosterone does. It doesn't necessarily arouse you, but it certainly makes you feel something different. I guess I don't believe that powerful drugs like testosterone have no effect on some people.

[DawnM]

I think it depends on where you are and how you handle it.

 

We were once in a small SS class and there was a woman who insisted on (literally) whipping it out without any discresion and allowing her child to feed quite loudly while the male teacher up front was trying to teach. We could tell it was VERY uncomfortable for him. She used nothing to cover up. The baby would pop on and off, exposing her, etc....

 

The thing about it is that we had nursing rooms available at the church. It wasn't like we were asking anyone to nurse in a nasty restroom or anything.

 

The above is probably the reason many say they are against it.

 

Now, watching Michelle Duggar, who nurses on a float in a PARADE for heaven's sakes, seems just fine....she is very modest about it, but doesn't try to hide it either.

 

Dawn

[katemary63]

I don't get this. I breast fed four babies, in public, in church, at the mall, in restaurants, often without a blanket (sometimes with), and I venture to say not a single man saw my nipple. It isn't that hard. In addition, not a single person ever complained or seemed uncomfortable and my oldest is 24! There were also circumstances in which I did leave the area because there was no discreet way to nurse, too close quarters. But most the time, you can just tuck yourself in a corner, turn away from the crown and go ahead.

 

What is the argument? I can't imagine that breastfeeding women are on here demanding the right to bare it all in public so long as they are breast feeding....are they? Did I miss that post. ( Sorry, I didn't read them all.) It's just that unless I missed something, I don't see the disagreament.

 

As for noise, I would handle it the same as any noise. If it is too distracting, you need to excuse yourself. I don't remember ever having to do that.

[katemary63]

I think it depends on where you are and how you handle it.

 

We were once in a small SS class and there was a woman who insisted on (literally) whipping it out without any discresion and allowing her child to feed quite loudly while the male teacher up front was trying to teach. We could tell it was VERY uncomfortable for him. She used nothing to cover up. The baby would pop on and off, exposing her, etc....

 

Yeah, sorry. This is just rude and inconsiderate.

[mommaduck]

Discreet does not mean having to smother an infant with a blanket. Nursing without a blanket does not mean one is exposing herself and "putting it in people's faces".

[Imprimis]

I nursed all three of my children whenever they were hungry WHEREVER we were: libraries, restaurants, malls, Walt Disney World. My children did not take bottles.

 

I honestly do not understand how someone can equate nursing a baby to urinating in public. Mind boggling....

[~blessedmom~]

I read this somewhere and it still makes me smile....

 

 

If breastfeeding in public makes you uncomfortable, feel free to pull a blanket over your head!:D

[Jorsay]

Discreet does not mean having to smother an infant with a blanket. Nursing without a blanket does not mean one is exposing herself and "putting it in people's faces".

 

I agree.

[bearnpurple]

I absolutely disagree with that notion. I have nursed all 5 of my children where I sat when they were hungry. I have, of course, tried to to discreet, but that is not my priority.

Last night on O'Reilly I think he made an ignoramus of himself when he acted shocked that this was OK. "so we have to see that at the 7-11" mentality. Probably other things to be offended by at the 7-11.

OK, here's my beef - We have to see that 45 yo's crack while she wears too tight, too low pants - not to mention her tube top - around the mall. (no flames per swimsuit thread - it is said tongue-in-cheek) No one complains about that, but we have to have a law in some states ALLOWING BREASTFEEDING IN PUBLIC. The reason we NEED this law is ignorant people who have told nursing moms that they have to leave the establisment or nurse in the BATHROOM - gross. No one tells the flasher chicks that they must wear a sweater.

No one complains about breasts (or any other body parts) being uncovered - - -unless they are being used for their natural purpose of feeding babies.

:hurray:

[Jorsay]

I don't get this. I breast fed four babies, in public, in church, at the mall, in restaurants, often without a blanket (sometimes with), and I venture to say not a single man saw my nipple. It isn't that hard. In addition, not a single person ever complained or seemed uncomfortable and my oldest is 24! There were also circumstances in which I did leave the area because there was no discreet way to nurse, too close quarters. But most the time, you can just tuck yourself in a corner, turn away from the crown and go ahead.

 

I have no problem with this.

 

What is the argument? I can't imagine that breastfeeding women are on here demanding the right to bare it all in public so long as they are breast feeding....are they? Did I miss that post. ( Sorry, I didn't read them all.) It's just that unless I missed something, I don't see the disagreament.

 

Perhaps I misread, but I think there are some who have posted that are 'in your face' activists. I did see one poster that apparently even saw it as a political issue.

 

As a young adult, I was on a train once with an attractive woman with a baby. We spoke at length about many things. All of the sudden, she bore her breast to me, fudged around a bit, and then attached her baby. As I recall, we were so close that her bare breast was touching my arm. Being quite young, I didn't immediately realize that she was preparing her breast to the baby. It seemed like she was offerring it to me. I was, thank goodness, too dumbfounded to move. I would call this indiscreet breast feeding. However, I was not offended in any way. It happened too fast for me to become arroused. However, I was extremely uncomfortable for the remainder of the trip. Had she simply said "Do you mind if I breast feed my baby?", I would have said "no problem", and turned to look out the window.

[lovemyboys]

Speaking as a female mother of boys, I am more comfortable if the girls of this country would cover themselves modestly. But I teach my boys not to stare. "avert your eyes"

 

Another mom heard me say exactly this phrase to young dss in a pool locker room....from the other curtained area, she said, "love that verb."

 

I am all for nursing wherever you are, but as a matter of courtesy to those around us, I think it's just reasonable to be discreet. Blankets aren't necessary, but some women prefer them.

 

Unfortunately, those with the most extreme views are sometimes the most ready to share -- on both ends of any spectrum. :001_huh:

[Geo]

I think it depends on where you are and how you handle it.

 

We were once in a small SS class and there was a woman who insisted on (literally) whipping it out without any discresion and allowing her child to feed quite loudly while the male teacher up front was trying to teach. We could tell it was VERY uncomfortable for him. She used nothing to cover up. The baby would pop on and off, exposing her, etc....

 

The thing about it is that we had nursing rooms available at the church. It wasn't like we were asking anyone to nurse in a nasty restroom or anything.

 

The above is probably the reason many say they are against it.

 

Now, watching Michelle Duggar, who nurses on a float in a PARADE for heaven's sakes, seems just fine....she is very modest about it, but doesn't try to hide it either.

 

Dawn

 

About 25 years ago I heard a story from a La Leche leader/friend of mine. A new couple with a baby had begun attending her family's church. So, in a spirit of hospitality she and her husband invited this couple to dinner at their home. Sometime during the meal the baby began to fuss (of course) and the young mother asked if they minded if she nursed the baby. "Of course not" was my friend's zealous reply, as my friend and her husband were staunch supporters of bfing. Well, the young woman proceeded to completely unbutton her blouse, and bare chested, began to nurse her baby. My friend and her spouse were stunned. They managed to "bare-up" under the circumstances, chose to honor their guests over their own sensibilities and said nothing. I remember her reserved comment to me later on, "she needs to learn how to nurse nice." It was so demure, I had to laugh.

 

Sadly, indiscretionary nursers give bad PR for the entire bfing population. Even more so, little or no credit is given to all the moms who have nursed discreetly in public and as a result went...well...undetected.

 

Now, about nursing rooms. Unlike the lady in the story, I nursed nice. I have never used a nursing room. I think they are a thoughtful provision for people who want one, or need one, but I wouldn't want to be compelled to use one just because it was there. Does the presence of such a room imply that one must use it? I've often wondered.

 

 

Geo

Edited July 29, 2009 by Geo

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I have no problem with this.

 

 

 

Perhaps I misread, but I think there are some who have posted that are 'in your face' activists. I did see one poster that apparently even saw it as a political issue.

 

As a young adult, I was on a train once with an attractive woman with a baby. We spoke at length about many things. All of the sudden, she bore her breast to me, fudged around a bit, and then attached her baby. As I recall, we were so close that her bare breast was touching my arm. Being quite young, I didn't immediately realize that she was preparing her breast to the baby. It seemed like she was offerring it to me. I was, thank goodness, too dumbfounded to move. I would call this indiscreet breast feeding. However, I was not offended in any way. It happened too fast for me to become arroused. However, I was extremely uncomfortable for the remainder of the trip. Had she simply said "Do you mind if I breast feed my baby?", I would have said "no problem", and turned to look out the window.

 

 

 

It sounds like that was uncomfortable, but she never needed to ask your permission.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

It sounds like that was uncomfortable, but she never needed to ask your permission.

I think that he was looking for a heads up. "I need to breastfeed my baby now" or something similar.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Perhaps I misread, but I think there are some who have posted that are 'in your face' activists. I did see one poster that apparently even saw it as a political issue.

 

 

 

I am an activist for breastfeeding in public because I feel that we need to remove barriers to breastfeeding in order to improve the health of infants. That is NOT to say that I go around baring my breasts in public nor have I ever met anyone who did anything of the sort. I am a relatively modest person. I practiced being discreet in a mirror so that I could feel confident in public. There have been times when I covered with a tired, easily distracted baby. I would never cover when it was too warm or wouldn't even try when I had a "playful" baby. I have also been known to leave a room to find a quiet spot to nurse, not because I felt that it would offend others, but because the baby was in a phase where she would pop on and off to see what was happening and wouldn't settle for a feeding.

 

I don't have a problem with women covering or going off to a quiet place if that is what they choose. However, I do have a problem with requiring it. I do have a problem with marginalizing women, keeping them at home, sending them to smelly germy bathrooms or making them hide under hot blankets, because they make the biologically normal choice to feed their babies.

 

I remember seeing a newspaper photograph of a South American woman who was mayor or something of her town. It showed her talking with constituents while she was breastfeeding her baby with her shirt neckline pulled below her breast so that it was completely hanging out. The caption talked about the city business she was conducting, but didn't even mention the baby or nursing. That is how matter-of-fact it was. I hope someday that nursing can be such an everyday experience that we don't need to comment on it. I am not advocating that we all do that, but I just thought it was nice that nobody thought it comment-worthy.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

What Ethel Said. :iagree:

[Geo]

I am an activist for breastfeeding in public because I feel that we need to remove barriers to breastfeeding in order to improve the health of infants. That is NOT to say that I go around baring my breasts in public nor have I ever met anyone who did anything of the sort. I am a relatively modest person. I practiced being discreet in a mirror so that I could feel confident in public. There have been times when I covered with a tired, easily distracted baby. I would never cover when it was too warm or wouldn't even try when I had a "playful" baby. I have also been known to leave a room to find a quiet spot to nurse, not because I felt that it would offend others, but because the baby was in a phase where she would pop on and off to see what was happening and wouldn't settle for a feeding.

 

I don't have a problem with women covering or going off to a quiet place if that is what they choose. However, I do have a problem with requiring it. I do have a problem with marginalizing women, keeping them at home, sending them to smelly germy bathrooms or making them hide under hot blankets, because they make the biologically normal choice to feed their babies.

 

I remember seeing a newspaper photograph of a South American woman who was mayor or something of her town. It showed her talking with constituents while she was breastfeeding her baby with her shirt neckline pulled below her breast so that it was completely hanging out. The caption talked about the city business she was conducting, but didn't even mention the baby or nursing. That is how matter-of-fact it was. I hope someday that nursing can be such an everyday experience that we don't need to comment on it. I am not advocating that we all do that, but I just thought it was nice that nobody thought it comment-worthy.

 

:iagree:

 

GO ELLEN...very well stated!

 

 

Geo

[KidsHappen]

My dd is currently breastfeeding her almost 1 yr. old son. He is very distractable and does not like a blanket. She tries to be discrete but she does occassionally inadvertantly flash someone. This is not a problem in the family. She has fed the baby in front of BILs, her father, her step father and other dd's boyfriend. She has always asked if it would make them uncomfortable and the answer has always been no. They are all used to it. It's simply no big deal. However, if we go to the zoo or museum all day, then yes she is going to have to feed him in public and someone may accidently see something. If that someone had the nerve to say something to her about it in my presence, well, let's just say, I would pity the poor fool. :glare:

[Spy Car]

I believe you when you say that you feel something when you see a woman nursing. I see a woman feeding her baby. If I feel anything, it's the joy of witnessing love and life in action, not much different than seeing a father holding his newborn baby, or even a mare nuzzling her newborn foal.

 

I can only speak for this man, but I do not feel anything remotely sexual. I'm troubled that you would extrapolate your experience and suggest that I (and every other man) would do the same.

 

I feel the same way you do brother. I don't see breast feeding as remotely sexual, rather it's one of the greatest expressions of love a mother can show her child. It fills me with happiness when I see a mother feeding her child. And I was proud of my own rather modest wife that she put the needs of our very demanding infant first, and breast fed him on his schedule. In public or not.

 

She often heard this made her a "hero" in my book. Because that's the truth of how I feel.

 

Bill

[Lovedtodeath]

:thumbup1: Thanks Bill and all of the men who have posted their support! I love the way you said that your wife is a hero.:thumbup:

[Lovedtodeath]

Do you all feel like the rules change as the child gets older? My DS is 27 months now and he is still nursing, and still pretty demanding and non-verbal. It seems that many more people are uncomfortable with my nursing him now than they were when he was younger.

 

It doesn't help that he is very tall, I am sure.

[Spy Car]

:thumbup1: Thanks Bill and all of the men who have posted their support! I love the way you said that your wife is a hero.:thumbup:

 

If you saw the way my son nursed...with great fist-clenched gusto...and how he was more "on" than "off", and how he did "flying dismounts" when he was (momentarily) sated, you'd say "hero" too :D

 

Almost 3 years of being sucked dry, poor woman. She deserves a medal :lol:

 

Bill

[IsabelC]

Do you all feel like the rules change as the child gets older? My DS is 27 months now and he is still nursing, and still pretty demanding and non-verbal. It seems that many more people are uncomfortable with my nursing him now than they were when he was younger.

 

It doesn't help that he is very tall, I am sure.

 

 

Yes, the rules do change as your child gets older, but remember that this is only in the US, the UK and to a lesser extent in a few other Western countries such as Australia. For most people in the world, breastfeeding toddlers is normal. The biologically correct age for human weaning is 2-7 years. The world average weaning age is 4. The World Health Organisation recommends 2 years as the minimum age to wean. So what you are doing is perfectly normal globally, just not normal where you're living.

 

If you are comfortable with being in public, that's fine, don't feel you have to stop, you have the right to do it. But, if feeding your child out and about makes you uncomfortable, maybe you could cut down his breastfeeds so that they only happen at home? Presuming he is eating a reasonable variety and amount of food, he might be happy with nursing once in the morning and once before bed?

[Geo]

Do you all feel like the rules change as the child gets older? My DS is 27 months now and he is still nursing, and still pretty demanding and non-verbal. It seems that many more people are uncomfortable with my nursing him now than they were when he was younger.

 

It doesn't help that he is very tall, I am sure.

 

 

I nursed three children (of six) well beyond the average age. They simply needed more time. It was emotional nurturing, not physical. Yes, it gets way more controversial for most folks. I learned to avoid discussing it with people. They had such icky perspectives on it, like I was somehow twisted or perverted in my motives or actions. We continued nursing, but it eventually became completely private... to protect a pure thing from defiled minds.

 

Geo

Edited July 29, 2009 by Geo

[Jorsay]

It sounds like that was uncomfortable, but she never needed to ask your permission.

 

No, she didn't. It was just rude for her not to ask and rude for her to expose herself in my face.

[Satori]

I am all for breastfeeding wherever and for how long. I love to see mamas breastfed at least up to 2 years, if not longer. I joined LLL and have supported/donated to breastfeeding causes.

 

In public, I am a bit shy/modest, but I would wear my daughter in a sling and she was able to nurse very discreetly and no one ever knew.

 

I only read the first and last pages of this thread, but felt I had to chime in, as this was quite important to me.

[Melissa in Australia]

As a male, with many male friends from all walks of life, I don't believe that there is a normal adult male (between 16 and 45) who can look at the nipple of a female stranger and feel nothing. I don't think it really makes much difference if the exposed nipple is about to feed a baby or anything else.

I am not saying that all men are turned on or turned off by a woman breast feeding her baby, although I know that many are. I am saying that they feel something, and that something is not what they normally feel when they are in public.

?

 

:lol::lol::lol: you are so funny.

I find a man's hairy chest very attractive!, but I don't demand that all men button up their shirts to their neck. I exercise self control and don't look.

I really think men should do the same.;)

[lionfamily1999]

As a male, with many male friends from all walks of life, I don't believe that there is a normal adult male (between 16 and 45) who can look at the nipple of a female stranger and feel nothing. I don't think it really makes much difference if the exposed nipple is about to feed a baby or anything else. The only exception might be some doctors who see them in the course of their work in a sterile environment day in and day out. Testosterone is a powerful drug that makes a male feel something when he sees certain parts of a woman, and all men have testosterone in their blood at all times.

 

I am not saying that all men are turned on or turned off by a woman breast feeding her baby, although I know that many are. I am saying that they feel something, and that something is not what they normally feel when they are in public.

 

Besides the effects of testosterone, I personally am uncomfortable seeing anyone perform almost any of their natural bodily functions in public, and I bet most of you who are in favor of public, 'in your face' breast feeding feel the way I do about these other bodily functions. Perhaps they are all beautiful processes, but I prefer that they are done discreetly. For instance, I wouldn't be turned on or off by a naked man seated next to me on the subway reading a newspaper. However, I would change my seat. When I was in South America, I stepped between two parked cars to cross the street in the middle of the day and stumbled over a woman squatting to go to the bathroom in the street. I wasn't repulsed nor was I turned on, however, I wasn't exactly comfortable either. I prefer not to see two men kissing each other passionately full on the mouth. It does not turn me on nor does it repulse me, and I am certain they believe it is a 'beautiful natural thing', but I just prefer not to share that part of their lives. For that matter, I prefer not to see anyone kissing passionately. It is a private thing that I feel uncomfortable watching others. Don't you? Sure, I can look the other way, but that's like having to look the other way when people urinate in public. It's disruptive and uncomfortable. Is anyone in favor of public urination?

I get where you're coming from. I don't agree, but I get it ;)

 

As long as there are laws concerning it, it's going to be political for someone.

 

As for the woman who flashed you on the train, or any of the other flashers out there, just put them with the girls with short skirts or jeans that show their panties, or those wonders that let it all hang out whenever they can get away with. They're exhibitionists (shrug) not much you can do there.

 

Most women who breast feed don't want you to see they're goodies, they just want to feed their lil' one and (at least for me) natural and healthy aside, it's work and it's hard to see it as anything else. For that time, the goodies are the tools to get the job done and sometimes moms can forget that others may see them differently.

[babysparkler]

None of my children ever appreciated any type of cover up. I was still able to nurse them discretely in public.

 

:iagree: Ditto. And since I have nursed for over 8 years now, I am certainly not willing to "hide" every time my baby needs to eat. I would be a hermit by now:lol:. I am pretty discreet, so if someone has a complaint, I know they were looking too hard.

[babysparkler]

:thumbup1: Thanks Bill and all of the men who have posted their support! I love the way you said that your wife is a hero.:thumbup:

:hurray:

[babysparkler]

As a male, with many male friends from all walks of life, I don't believe that there is a normal adult male (between 16 and 45) who can look at the nipple of a female stranger and feel nothing. I don't think it really makes much difference if the exposed nipple is about to feed a baby or anything else.

 

Sounds to me like you need to stop looking, then... most women who breastfeed in public are discreet enough that only those who are particularly watching them would see nipple. If it is a problem for you sexually, then you should protect your eyes and stop watching women with babies... flee from the temptation. I don't think that it is the responsibility of the mother who is nursing her child to shelter you from it. That's just my 2cents.

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

Ok, I've plowed through all 14 pages of this thread, and here are my thoughts:

 

Originally Posted by Jorsay

As a male, with many male friends from all walks of life, I don't believe that there is a normal adult male (between 16 and 45) who can look at the nipple of a female stranger and feel nothing. I don't think it really makes much difference if the exposed nipple is about to feed a baby or anything else.

I am not saying that all men are turned on or turned off by a woman breast feeding her baby, although I know that many are. I am saying that they feel something, and that something is not what they normally feel when they are in public.

?

 

 

Jorsay, thank you for your honesty and insight into the secret lives of men. I'm sorry you're getting such a bad rap around here. I know many, many wonderful, wholesome, Christian, family-centered men (my dh included) and I think they would all agree with you on this comment and all the others you have had to make to defend yourself. I'm not saying there aren't other men who feel nothing but admiration when they see a woman nursing, but I'm willing to guess that those men are in the minority. I think women are often quick to call you a pervert when you are just being honest, because, to be honest myself....women don't understand the overpowering effects of testosterone very well. I have to say it must take enormous amounts of self control to live in this society where you are bombarded constantly with sexual images of the female body (on tv, at the mall, at the beach, etc....) I am not saying that men are constantly having to stop themselves from attacking every provocatively dressed woman they see--but I'm sure it is very hard for them to keep their minds from wandering when they are constantly seeing these images, and it must be very distracting. I often wonder how they get anything done!

 

(ETA: I understand that these sexual images have nothing to do with nursing but have the unfortunate coincidence that they both have to do with (gasp!) breasts. Nursing would be no big deal if you could do it out of your finger. So, here's the problem: in this society, men are trained to think that breasts = sex, then they see mothers whipping them out to feed their kids...I can understand how it might cause some uncomfortable thoughts. I know this doesn't happen in other parts of the world because "everyone there is used to it." Well, newsflash....fortunately or unfortunately, we don't live in those parts of the world, and the general population here isn't used to it. Mothers have to recognize that and act accordinglyly. It is unrealistic to assume there will be no reaction if they decide to "whip it out." I agree with the pp who said most women don't want to expose their breasts while nursing, and those who do are just trying to make a statement.)

 

FTR, I nursed all my children, each for over a year. DH wasn't oogling me every second of that. I asked him how he felt about my breasts being "on display" while I was nursing, and he said he put my nursing breasts into a totally different category than my......um....non-nursing breasts. He was always supportive of my breastfeeding, but at the beginning I think he was a little uncomfortable. He did become "desensitized." When I was at home, there was no way I was going to go to another room or nurse uncomfortably because HE was uncomfortable. I wouldn't have been in that situation in the first place if it wasn't for him, so he was just going to have to learn to deal with it. And he quickly did, and was very encouraging the whole time. But, I didn't go topless all the time either just so I could nurse my kids on demand. I didn't want him to become THAT desensitized! ;) I usually would just lift up my shirt with no fanfare.

 

Now, in public I don't live with all those people, so I can't expect them to become desensitized to my nursing. Each situation was different, and I took it upon myself to figure out what the appropriate nursing "rule" was. For example, with my 80yo FIL, there was no way I was going to change his opinion of public nursing. It's been too far ingrained in his psyche. Rather than make him uncomfortable (and make everyone else react to his discomfort) I would just go to another room and nurse privately. It wasn't worth it to cause such a stir for a battle I could not win. At church, again....lots of elderly folk who just haven't all come around to the idea that nursing is wonderful....I used a blanket to cover up. At the mall, at the beach, etc.....I'd just pull up my t-shirt and "dinner is served." I agree with Orthodox6--"the place" takes precedence. I guess in my opinion, maybe the degree of "discreetness" is in direct relation to the modesty of everyone else in the particular environment. You wouldn't go to church in a bikini, so I would be more careful NOT to expose my breast there (i.e. use a blanket.) At the mall, when I'd have to be blind not to see the g-strings and pendulous (braless) breasts in tiny tank tops, I figured it's ok to pull up my t-shirt since no one seemed to mind the other "fashion statements."

Edited July 29, 2009 by Mrs. Frankweiler

[Matryoshka]

I nursed in public, in restaurant booths and malls and everywhere else - and no one ever realized I was breastfeeding, or if they did, no one ever commented. I did not use a hooter hider or any other cover up (which to me just yells LOOK- I"M NURSING), but I did invest in nursing shirts/dresses. I know some people can nurse very discreetly without these, but my anatomy required this for discreet nursing. No passing male needed to avert their eyes - really, nothing showed. But I did not ever retreat to a corner or an out of the way place.

 

I have no problem if others are less discreet and show a bit more (I just wasn't comfortable with it for myself), nor for people who feel the need to burqa the baby (I felt it called more attention and I don't think my kids would've put up with being covered, but obviously ymmv), but I really don't see any reason for either extreme other than that personal comfort levels differ.

 

There's a woman in our chorus that manages to breastfeed a toddler while playing the accordion - more power to her!

 

My dh wasn't phased in the slightest by all my breastfeeding friends. What do all the men do in the societies where the women don't even wear tops (the majority of humanity for many millenia)? Or all the topless beaches in Europe (with all the men in Speedos - I think if the response were as automatic as it's being made out to be by some, there would be a problem there). I think men are socialized to think of certain female body parts as titillating. I think this "men can't control themselves when they see X body part" is as bankrupt an argument here as it is when it's used to say that the wrist or ankle can't be seen in more covered cultures for the same reason.

[petepie2]

I haven't read all the responses, but....

 

I have nursed 3 children....i have always nursed in public, including restaurants.....that being said, I have no desire for anyone to see my boobies....but many times i did not use a blanket or any coverup other than my shirt.....frankly, most people didn't even know I was nursing....they thought the baby was sleeping....in restaurants, i would always sit on the inside of a booth, even switching sides of the booth with my hubby if necessary depending on which side i was nursing....i always tried to pick tables that were in corners and not in the middle of the restaurant....that was for my comfort.....some places we would avoid because i didn't feel i would have enough privacy......

 

as my children got older (i nursed all of mine for 13-15 months), I nursed in public less.....mainly because babies get so distracted as they get older that it is a big hassle.....and since they nursed less often, I would just feed them before I left the house or nurse them in the car before we went in a restaurant.....then i was able to have my meal in peace!

[Jorsay]

I get where you're coming from. I don't agree, but I get it ;)

 

As long as there are laws concerning it, it's going to be political for someone.

 

As for the woman who flashed you on the train, or any of the other flashers out there, just put them with the girls with short skirts or jeans that show their panties, or those wonders that let it all hang out whenever they can get away with. They're exhibitionists (shrug) not much you can do there.

 

Most women who breast feed don't want you to see they're goodies, they just want to feed their lil' one and (at least for me) natural and healthy aside, it's work and it's hard to see it as anything else. For that time, the goodies are the tools to get the job done and sometimes moms can forget that others may see them differently.

 

I agree.

[OneRoomSchoolHouse]

My mom nursed my little brother and is very encouraging of it. My in-laws on the other hand are completely opposed. They have always given me the evil eye when nursing around them and my sil refused to nurse her 3 dcs. Having said this, I have always felt completely embarresed nursing in public and would seek out my car, dressing room, etc. This also led me to stop nursing after a couple of months with each dc. Now that I am a little older, I think I could nurse in public with a cover-up. I might add, that my dh was completely supportive!

[Jorsay]

Sounds to me like you need to stop looking, then... most women who breastfeed in public are discreet enough that only those who are particularly watching them would see nipple. If it is a problem for you sexually, then you should protect your eyes and stop watching women with babies... flee from the temptation. I don't think that it is the responsibility of the mother who is nursing her child to shelter you from it. That's just my 2cents.

 

"you need to stop looking" is naive or a disingenuous argument. If there is a nipple exposed in public and a man or woman's eye comes across it, they will not be able to not notice. It's like short skirts, burns, or a white gorilla; you can't help but notice.

 

I once had a secretary who wore low cut shirts and had a tattoo on her breast. Everytime I spoke to her I had to stare hard at her forehead so as not to look. She worked for me for over a year and I still don't know what the tattoo was.

 

I know that people will read this post and think I am talking about a cute little baby suckling. I am not. I am talking about an adult woman blatantly showing her breasts in public. I am not even saying that blatantly showing your nipples and breasts in public should be illegal. I am saying that it makes me uncomfortable.

 

Breast feeding in public = OK with me, just don't do it in my face if you are a stranger to me. That's the meaning of "discreet" as was originally posted. If you look at the poll, the majority agrees with me.

 

Now I am going to invite the guys over for beers this Saturday and to watch the fights, but before the fights start I think we will discuss how beautiful breast feeding is and how it stirs my maternal instincts to see a woman nursing her cute little baby. Oh, how beautiful. *sigh* Well, were I to do that, I got news for you ladies: the men that I like to have over won't invite me for poker anymore and it's not because they are afraid to show their feminine side. It's because they are men. The guys that spoke up for breast feeding are probably not the guys that I would invite to the fights. Using common sense and not wishful thinking, do you think most men are like them or like me. So speaking for men like me, we don't care if you breast feed your babies in public. We aren't turned on by it, but we don't find it some beautiful act that melts our hearts either. Most of us (including me) really don't care much one way or another. But the OP did ask my opinion. So please, be considerate and breast feed your babies discreetly.

Edited July 29, 2009 by Jorsay

[Lovedtodeath]

Having said this, I have always felt completely embarresed nursing in public and would seek out my car, dressing room, etc. This also led me to stop nursing after a couple of months with each dc.

That is why things need to change. The health of our children is at stake. Anyone who thinks that breastfeeding should be hidden should know that this attitude causes women to stop breastfeeding, if they even start. They should also know the huge golf between formula and breastmilk. In Africa many babies die when they try to frown on breastfeeding. I started out giving DS some formula. I am so thankful that I was breastfeeding full time before melamine contamination was a problem.

[lionfamily1999]

"you need to stop looking" is naive or a disingenuous argument. If there is a nipple exposed in public and a man or woman's eye comes across it, they will not be able to notice not notice. It's like short skirts, burns, or a white gorilla; you can't help but notice.

 

I once had a secretary who wore low cut shirts and had a tattoo on her breast. Everytime I spoke to her I had to stare hard at her forehead so as not to look. She worked for me for over a year and I still don't know what the tattoo was.

That's the crux of the matter, imo. There ARE women that see breastfeeding as a chance to let it all hang out. They WANT people to look. Those women are completely different from the rest of us (who just want to feed our kids). If you see something that you weren't meant to see, if you accidentally steal a look, then I don't think hard feelings come into play (for most). Most people are as embarrassed as the mom when a nip pops out. It's the people that are going to stare and stare hard, so they can "prove" that bfing in public shows too much; and the women that are going to let it hang in the breeze, because they can, just daring someone to look or comment; they are the problems.

 

I think we get all wrapped up in including everyone. There's always "those people" that do things for shock value, or to prove a point, or because they want to force other people to agree, or whatever. It kind of stinks that the rest of us get self-righteous and mean to each other, when all along we'd probably agree that "those people" are a problem.

[PineFarmMom]

Sounds to me like you need to stop looking, then... most women who breastfeed in public are discreet enough that only those who are particularly watching them would see nipple. If it is a problem for you sexually, then you should protect your eyes and stop watching women with babies... flee from the temptation. I don't think that it is the responsibility of the mother who is nursing her child to shelter you from it. That's just my 2cents.

 

I thought he was very kind and honest about his opinion. I don't think he referred to it as a s*xual problem either! There was not a thing wrong with his opinion.

 

This is tough. I have breastfed all of my children and have done so in public while covered...my choice because that felt more comfortable to me. Sometimes I even *gasp* went and got in my CAR and did it there because if felt more comfortable....horrid of me as it was. ;) I guess I just get a little weary of both extreme sides of this topic. While I love the LLL because of how much they helped me struggling to nurse my 3rd child, I also dislike the militant breastfeeding, in-your-faceness I see. The whole "You'd better just suck it up and deal with it" mentality is what I don't like about the breastfeeding topic. People like Jorsay have a right to feel how they feel. It's one thing for someone like that to feel uncomfortable and a completely other thing for them to approach a breastfeeding mother and rudely tell her to stop.

 

If I was in a home, say, and there was a person in that home that felt uncomfortable with me breastfeeding in front of them, out of respect for that person, I would go to another room. No problem. It's not all about me and my "rights". The public bathroom situation, now that's totally different!!!! My baby won't eat in a bathroom. My father, for instance, is very kind about breastfeeding, but I do know it sometimes makes him uncomfortable. I make the choice to go to another room...because I care about him, respect him, and realize that it's not all about ME!!