Hoarder?

[DawnM]

What is the definition of a hoarder?

 

People throw the term around and I never quite know what they mean.

 

For example, I have a friend who has a 3000 sq. ft. home.  I think they live in about 1500 sq. ft of it because the rest is like a storage shed, it is packed to the gils.  But she is clean and there are no dead cats or rodents around and there is not literal trash thrown around.

 

Is she a hoarder?

 

I was accused of being a hoarder, but it is only one room in my basement, that is actually deemed at a storage area, that has boxes I need to purge through.  I do have some clutter in other areas but each room is completely useable.  No boxes stacked in the corner, etc....it is just things like clothing piles I need to sort/donate/go through.  And it is confined to bedrooms.   Am I a hoarder?

 

 

[maize]

No you are not a hoarder.

 

Hoarding isn't really about clean or not; my understanding is that it is a pathological need to collect and keep stuff.

 

I've seen it a couple of times; I once took care of an acquaintance's birds while she was in vacation. Her apartment had just two bedrooms, and one bedroom was entirely stuffed with boxes of junky stuff. Otherwise the apartment was clean though a bit cluttered. It definitely appeared to me that this was a person who could not let go of stuff no matter how useless.

 

When it comes to clean--I am bad at clean. I have no problem though getting rid of stuff and am actually something of a minimalist. At least to the extent that is possible with 8 people in the family!

Edited February 22, 2017 by maize

[FriedClams]

I think the term "hoarder" is inappropriately applied like "I'm OCD". It sounds like your friend might be. When you get to the point your stuff controls how you live, and is mentally debilitating to get rid of stuff, it's time for help. It's my understanding it's a serious mental issue, not a stuff issue.

[creekland]

Being related to two Hoarders, no, you are not one - not even close.  MOST people have clutter in their houses somewhere, some just hide it better than others.

 

The Hoarders I know collect, collect, collect - things like Boxing Shorts (they might be valuable in the future you know!) and can't get rid of things (those old newspapers might have usable coupons in them!).  They get upset if anyone else comes in to clean if that person is not super careful (how do you know you didn't vacuum up something important???  I need to go through the vacuum bag to check!).

 

Stuff piles up and eventually there's no where to put it.  It goes on chairs, beds, into hallways and sooner or later there are one person wide paths through the house.

 

They might ask folks to come help them clean up and move things out, but when it comes down to actually moving something, well, "I guess I'm not ready to get rid of that yet."

 

People start staying away - the place stinks and there's literally no where to sit or walk.  So animals move in - cats esp (for the two I'm related to anyway).  Cats offer love and are ok hiding in the mess.  They also "go" in the mess (hey, looks like a litter box!), so the place stinks even more.  Since the cats can easily hide, some can pass away and one never knows.

 

It's not a pretty experience overall.  I remain grateful I didn't inherit the gene and I feel certain there's at least a partial genetic component because I can trace it down one half of my family line.  It gets worse as they age - or live alone.

 

The only good thing is when I don't feel like cleaning my own place I can compare it to theirs and be perfectly satisfied... ;)  (In reality, after I come back from a visit I tend to get more done.)

[marbel]

What is the definition of a hoarder?

 

People throw the term around and I never quite know what they mean.

 

For example, I have a friend who has a 3000 sq. ft. home.  I think they live in about 1500 sq. ft of it because the rest is like a storage shed, it is packed to the gils.  But she is clean and there are no dead cats or rodents around and there is not literal trash thrown around.

 

Is she a hoarder?

 

I was accused of being a hoarder, but it is only one room in my basement, that is actually deemed at a storage area, that has boxes I need to purge through.  I do have some clutter in other areas but each room is completely useable.  No boxes stacked in the corner, etc....it is just things like clothing piles I need to sort/donate/go through.  And it is confined to bedrooms.   Am I a hoarder?

 

Do they only need 1500 square feet, and use the extra space for storage of useful things and don't need the space for living?  Or is it just junky, unneeded stuff?

 

Maybe I'm a hoarder because I don't necessarily read this as a negative.  But maybe I'm not picturing it correctly.

 

I think my husband has hoarder tendencies.  He doesn't like to throw stuff away because... you know.... "might be useful someday."  His stuff is confined to his office.  I have warned my kids that if I die first, they will have to watch out that dad doesn't get lost in piles of stuff.   

 

My house  has very little storage.  Other than bedroom closets (which are small), there is a coat closet by the front door and a small closet with shelves that we use for medicine and personal care stuff, and towels.  We do  have a laundry room with shelving and that is packed with stuff, but it's seasonal stuff (the hammock in winter, sleds in summer) and canned goods.  There just isn't any space to store things.  Anyway, I  might look like a hoarder to some, because there's no place to put stuff.  You don't sound like a hoarder to me. 

[Guest]

Sounds like you are a procrastinator if you are allowing clothing piles. Now, if you are bringing in more stuff and adding to your piles, its time to have a good conversation with yourself. If you're not bringing in things, adopt the professional secret....when you remove the item, immediately sort it into the bag for its destination. At the end of the day, take the discard bag to the trash, and put the donate bag near your vehicle keys. Don't let any pile form.

[creekland]

I think my husband has hoarder tendencies.  He doesn't like to throw stuff away because... you know.... "might be useful someday."   

 

FWIW, this alone doesn't do it.  Plenty of people keep things that could (truly) be useful someday, myself included.  It is a mindset - one that helped many of our elders survive when "stuff" wasn't so plentiful.  I learned it from both sets of grandparents who went through the depression and I don't regret it one bit as some of the stuff I've kept has been useful later on.

 

Hoarder crosses the line even further - keeping totally useless stuff (like the piles of outdated newspapers I mentioned above) or even broken things (kitchen gadgets or various tools that just need to be fixed).  It can even include things like toilet paper - having hundreds of rolls (literally) 'cause there kept being good sales and you can't pass that up even if your house is already overflowing with paper.  A Hoarder might go to an auction or store closing sale and buy all the stuff others don't want thinking they are going to get rich by selling it themselves, but they never get around to selling it as it could be worth more later or they just don't want to part with it yet.  Every now and then something small might go, but not often.  

 

Anyone "normal" will look at the stuff and internally say, "WHY?"  There is no real value to any of it TBH - not even on Antiques Roadshow - unless they want oodles of black planters (the disposable kind) or pallets or "basic" tools which may or may not be broken or screws or boxer shorts or various common off the shelf videos or...

[Mimm]

FWIW, this alone doesn't do it.  Plenty of people keep things that could (truly) be useful someday, myself included.  It is a mindset - one that helped many of our elders survive when "stuff" wasn't so plentiful.  I learned it from both sets of grandparents who went through the depression and I don't regret it one bit as some of the stuff I've kept has been useful later on.

 

Hoarder crosses the line even further - keeping totally useless stuff (like the piles of outdated newspapers I mentioned above) or even broken things (kitchen gadgets or various tools that just need to be fixed).  It can even include things like toilet paper - having hundreds of rolls (literally) 'cause there kept being good sales and you can't pass that up even if your house is already overflowing with paper.  A Hoarder might go to an auction or store closing sale and buy all the stuff others don't want thinking they are going to get rich by selling it themselves, but they never get around to selling it as it could be worth more later or they just don't want to part with it yet.  Every now and then something small might go, but not often.  

 

Anyone "normal" will look at the stuff and internally say, "WHY?"  There is no real value to any of it TBH - not even on Antiques Roadshow - unless they want oodles of black planters (the disposable kind) or pallets or "basic" tools which may or may not be broken or screws or boxer shorts or various common off the shelf videos or...

 

I don't think the stuff a hoarder hoards necessarily needs to be useless. Sometimes hoarders keep genuinely useful stuff. I saw one woman on the show Hoarders whose house was stuffed to the gills with new stuff that she shopped for. Toys still in boxes, mountains of clothes with tags on. Her house seemed clean, but she was in danger of losing her kids over her issues. Her hoard can't really be called useless even though it was not usable by her because of the sheer size of it. I don't know the actual definition of hoarding, but she seems to qualify.

 

I would say hoarders have a very unusual attachment to their stuff, useful or not. Personally, I have a shed full of crap and my house tends to be messy and cluttered but I have no problem getting rid of things. My husband's grandparents were what I considered hoarders. Their hoard didn't take over the house, but they couldn't throw things out. They had valuable/useful things all stashed with a bunch of useless junk. Their garage was completely stuffed floor to ceiling. Very organized. Like, they'd have six lanterns all lined up on a shelf. Some broken, some working. There was tons of stuff like that. If something broke and they couldn't repair it, they'd go buy another one, but they'd keep the one that broke. They would fill one shed with stuff, then go buy another shed. There were several out buildings on their property completely filled with stuff. When her dad died, my MIL was left to deal with this. They couldn't just throw everything away. A big box might be filled with old magazines of no value, mixed in with family photos of childhood vacations. They had to sort through everything.

[Guest]

yes,agree with attachment and add in compulsive collecting. The stuff is mixed in useful and useless... hundreds of dinner serving pieces,but eating off paper plates, thousands of paperbacks never read or shelved, hundreds of christmas village pieces, hundreds of pens, magazines, costume jewelry,.clothing that is ragbag or fits no one in the extended family,a half dozen spare vacuum cleaners, a couple fridges, etc all proudly announced on acquisition..and you know they spent more on gas searching it out and purchasing it than it will ever save them as a replacement part or as a part of their life.

Edited February 22, 2017 by Heigh Ho

[creekland]

I don't think the stuff a hoarder hoards necessarily needs to be useless. Sometimes hoarders keep genuinely useful stuff. I saw one woman on the show Hoarders whose house was stuffed to the gills with new stuff that she shopped for. Toys still in boxes, mountains of clothes with tags on. Her house seemed clean, but she was in danger of losing her kids over her issues. Her hoard can't really be called useless even though it was not usable by her because of the sheer size of it. I don't know the actual definition of hoarding, but she seems to qualify.

 

I would say hoarders have a very unusual attachment to their stuff, useful or not. Personally, I have a shed full of crap and my house tends to be messy and cluttered but I have no problem getting rid of things. My husband's grandparents were what I considered hoarders. Their hoard didn't take over the house, but they couldn't throw things out. They had valuable/useful things all stashed with a bunch of useless junk. Their garage was completely stuffed floor to ceiling. Very organized. Like, they'd have six lanterns all lined up on a shelf. Some broken, some working. There was tons of stuff like that. If something broke and they couldn't repair it, they'd go buy another one, but they'd keep the one that broke. They would fill one shed with stuff, then go buy another shed. There were several out buildings on their property completely filled with stuff. When her dad died, my MIL was left to deal with this. They couldn't just throw everything away. A big box might be filled with old magazines of no value, mixed in with family photos of childhood vacations. They had to sort through everything.

 

:iagree:  and your description might be a little better than mine.  With the Hoarders I know personally (related to me), their collections included both old and new things - all useless to them (in such quantities), but kept because it might be useful someday or was such a good deal that they had to get it (like the toilet paper or the close outs from stores going out of business or even the collection of new, unopened, boxer shorts).

 

And yes, I dread having to go through their stuff when that time comes - it's seriously tempting to not care about what valuable items might be mixed in and just opt for a dumpster.  Brand new unopened stuff can be donated.  The rest?  I'm not sure it's worth the time.  The houses will probably need to be razed in my situation - not necessarily true for all.

[maize]

Here's an overview of hoarding from a psychological point of view. It is usually considered to be related to OCD and, like OCD, is a type of anxiety disorder.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hope-relationships/201409/the-psychology-behind-hoarding

Edited February 22, 2017 by maize

[J-rap]

I think a hoarder is someone who can no longer live a normal, healthy lifestyle because of their hoarding.  For example, I have a friend who is a hoarder.  Slowly, her children's bedrooms are being taken up by boxes upon boxes of junk, so you can no longer even access the bedrooms.  Her younger children are now sleeping in the living room, on the floor and on the couch.  Her older children went in together to buy a "shed" outdoors so they can sleep out there.

 

Now THAT is hoarding.

[The Girls' Mom]

I've had personal experience with hoarders.  I had to move one, and it was horrific to see and deal with.  This person was caused great emotional distress by getting rid of anything.  When we were moving her out, she had the urge to go through every scrap of paper and trash before she would let us do anything with it.  It was like it caused her physical pain.  To give you an idea of the extent of it:  She lived in a two bedroom single wide trailer.  We rented a dumpster that was almost as long as the trailer and filled it to the brim.  We still had things to take to the dump.  Most of it was either actual trash, or things that had been ruined from mildew/mold.  There were paths running through the trailer, and you couldn't even get past the doorway of one bedroom.  Floor to ceiling.  

Another hoarded cats.  Animal control had to get involved.  Again, it was the source of great emotional distress to part with any of the animals.  

 

A lot of people have clutter or too much stuff.  I think the line is crossed when they simply can't bear to part with things and it begins to accumulate in very large numbers.  There's an unreasonable emotional attachment, and they are often overwhelmed at the thought of parting with even the tiniest thing.  

 

 

[Anne in CA]

I think that for a real hoarder keeping things soothes anxiety. They cannot get rid of anything without extreme anxiety. My mother had a huge meltdown over me throwing away a two year old phone bill in high school and another meltdown years later when I threw away expired coupons. She had a basement full of stuff any rational person would have burned and her closets were bursting but she would freak out over the idea that any of this stuff was not crucial to existence.  But I really miss her hoarding days because she transferred all that anxiety into politics and causes the people who love her extreme stress over wacko political views. She has no control over political views, any extreme stupid thing some wing nut in her party believes she now believes, with no proof at all, (proof is for chumps), she latches onto the craziest ideas. 

[Anne in CA]

I don't think the stuff a hoarder hoards necessarily needs to be useless. Sometimes hoarders keep genuinely useful stuff. I saw one woman on the show Hoarders whose house was stuffed to the gills with new stuff that she shopped for. Toys still in boxes, mountains of clothes with tags on. Her house seemed clean, but she was in danger of losing her kids over her issues. Her hoard can't really be called useless even though it was not usable by her because of the sheer size of it. I don't know the actual definition of hoarding, but she seems to qualify.

 

I would say hoarders have a very unusual attachment to their stuff, useful or not. Personally, I have a shed full of crap and my house tends to be messy and cluttered but I have no problem getting rid of things. My husband's grandparents were what I considered hoarders. Their hoard didn't take over the house, but they couldn't throw things out. They had valuable/useful things all stashed with a bunch of useless junk. Their garage was completely stuffed floor to ceiling. Very organized. Like, they'd have six lanterns all lined up on a shelf. Some broken, some working. There was tons of stuff like that. If something broke and they couldn't repair it, they'd go buy another one, but they'd keep the one that broke. They would fill one shed with stuff, then go buy another shed. There were several out buildings on their property completely filled with stuff. When her dad died, my MIL was left to deal with this. They couldn't just throw everything away. A big box might be filled with old magazines of no value, mixed in with family photos of childhood vacations. They had to sort through everything.

This is my MIL and step FIL to a T. It is going to be murder going through their things. 

[gardenmom5]

there are degrees of hoarding.  "stuff" will always expand to fill the space in an uncontrolled manner.

 

your friend sounds like she could be a hoarder with half her house used as storage - is it organized?  can she find things?  does she want to use that half of her house, but can't because there is too much "stuff"? - not a super bad one, but still hoarding. how is the half she uses? 

 

my mil is a hoarder - but you can walk, the carpet is vacuumed, the bathrooms are clean, no critters - but you have to move stuff off surfaces of tables chairs to sit down.   - she used to go buy multiples of stuff becasue she couldn't find what she had.  (she's also a compulsive shopper.  she was helping her brother, and he asked her to pick up a drill bit.  she bought five.  his comment to the person helping him  "do you want to know why she bought five?  that was all the had.")   her parents were hoarders - no critters to my knowledge, but possible.  in her house - it was like a little kids room where she 'cleaned' by shoving stuff under the beds and in the closets. there wasn't room for anything else.   she lives with sil, who has forced her to organize some of the junk, so it at least can be found.  and she's in a wheelchair, so there have to be "paths".  there are two steps to get into the main house

 

my sister is a somewhat more advanced hoarder with dirty dishes left out in multiple rooms (sometimes for days.  or longer). she has "stuff" all over furniture as well as the floor - you can't walk across it.  she hasn't allowed people in her home for decades.

 

with hoarding questions to ask yourself - can you use the space in your home the way a normal person would?   can you find typical items to be able to use them in a reasonable time?  do you have to move "stuff"  things (little kid bath toys doesn't count, but are there boxes or stacks of magazines?)  to use the bath/shower?

this is beyond disorganized - which can make stuff hard to find because things get put down in multiple locations after they've been used. (but there is still some general organization as in '__ stuff' is still in the same general area.)   this is more than a "junk room/drawer" - which many people have when they don't know where to put something, or  don't want to figure out where to put something.

[gardenmom5]

I've had personal experience with hoarders.  I had to move one, and it was horrific to see and deal with.  This person was caused great emotional distress by getting rid of anything.  When we were moving her out, she had the urge to go through every scrap of paper and trash before she would let us do anything with it.  It was like it caused her physical pain.  To give you an idea of the extent of it:  She lived in a two bedroom single wide trailer.  We rented a dumpster that was almost as long as the trailer and filled it to the brim.  We still had things to take to the dump.  Most of it was either actual trash, or things that had been ruined from mildew/mold.  There were paths running through the trailer, and you couldn't even get past the doorway of one bedroom.  Floor to ceiling.  

 

Another hoarded cats.  Animal control had to get involved.  Again, it was the source of great emotional distress to part with any of the animals.  

 

A lot of people have clutter or too much stuff.  I think the line is crossed when they simply can't bear to part with things and it begins to accumulate in very large numbers.  There's an unreasonable emotional attachment, and they are often overwhelmed at the thought of parting with even the tiniest thing.  

 

this.  there is some indication there is a dopamine/serotonin issue with "stuff".  some will respond to antidepressants.

 

another area of mental health that is not recognized, or adequately understood or treated.

 

 

[Mergath]

Here's an overview of hoarding from a psychological point of view. It is usually considered to be related to OCD and, like OCD, is a type of anxiety disorder.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hope-relationships/201409/the-psychology-behind-hoarding

 

:iagree:  I have OCD and I had definite hoarding tendencies as a teen and young adult. I never progressed into being a full-blown, house-packed-to-the-ceiling hoarder, thankfully, but it's hard to understand if you haven't gone through it. The way that most people feel about a sentimental keepsake, like a lock of hair from a baby's first haircut or whatever, a hoarder feels about almost everything. The feeling I would get if I thought about getting rid of something is the same as the panicky feeling of dread I get with my current OCD issues. It's like a combination of terror and worry and anger and doom. Not fun.

 

My hoarding tendencies must have been pretty mild, because in college I got sick of having so much crap so I started throwing stuff out and just dealt with the panic attacks until it passed. Now it isn't really an issue for me anymore. I can't imagine how hard it must be for people with more severe hoarding tendencies. :(

 

So for me, a hoarder isn't just someone who collects a lot of stuff, but is someone who is psychologically unable to get rid of it.

[greenbeanmama]

My father was a hoarder, along with a great many other mental illnesses.  He died last October, and my siblings and I cleaned out his apartment, and his car...and the basement he rented to store stuff...and all the other storage units we found.  It was really, really bad.  In one storage unit, we found over a dozen black garbage bags packed full of clothes from the 70's.  He had enough kitchen supplies to stock *at least* six kitchens, as long as you didn't care if things matched.  I'm talking about things like over ten coffee percolators, two dozen frying pans, sets and sets of dishes.  We calculated it out for one storage unit: he spent over $8000 to keep this unit for over a decade, and all we salvaged out of it were...three musty typewriters.  Absolutely everything else was mice-infested, moldy, broken junk.  Eight. Thousand. Dollars.  To store things that he didn't need and couldn't get rid of.  He did have some things of value, but it was still hoarding: twenty old fashioned cameras and over 200 lenses, dozen of watches, hundreds of antiques. It controlled him; and it was very sad, cleaning out all this stuff, when for so long he valued the stuff above relationships with other people.

 

Now, my grandmother just moved into a nursing home.  She had been in her apartment for eight years, and I could not believe the amount of stuff that she had, but I would not classify her as in the same category as my father.  She stockpiled things she used (eleven boxes of bandaids, 27 packages of foil stars, special hangers for pairs of pants), and she really didn't need nearly as much as she had.  But it was nowhere near as severe as my father's hoarding.

 

As a result, I have been purging like crazy!  I would much rather be a minimalist, but that's just not possible with four other people in the house.  But it makes you think twice before bringing new items into the house.  New swimsuit for my daughter?  Then the old one goes.  I really dislike all the stuff at Christmas and birthdays (especially birthdays right around Christmas), but the best I can do in my own house is thank the giver and see what we can get rid of to make room for the new items.  Or if the new items aren't really wanted, to pass them on.  I gladly accept second-hand items from a number of family members who cannot bear to part with things - they seem emotionally attached to the stuff, and it's easier to get rid of it if it goes to family rather than a thrift store.  But I always say that if we find we don't need it, we'll pass it on - and they're okay with that.  Often times, the items never make it to our house, but go straight to the thrift store,  The family members seem relieved that they can pass on their stuff and not be burdened with it any longer, and I don't have the emotional attachment so can easily donate the items.  It's a win-win situation!

[TravelingChris]

I have a relative who is a hoarder.  Yes, old newspapers are part of the issue.  I have no idea how bad it is now since I last saw the place probably 25 years ago.  I know that the person couldn't move even when the apartment management changed and the prices went way up, etc.  Yes, the person is OCD too.  If that person dies and we are in charge of getting rid of stuff, we will hire some company to take out all the stuff and throw it away.  I assume that there probably is valuable items in there but I don't think I would be up to sorting the stuff.  When we did visit there, there was no place to sit at all and there were little paths through four foot piles of stuff.  One example was a giant stuffed toy and this person never even liked stuffed toys as a kid and has no kids either.  Hoarding isn't rational and you can't give rational explanations for it.  There is a big difference in hoarding and what normal people have- items they used to use and haven't gotten rid of yet. My office, for example, has an area with plastic containers with papers I haven't gone through again (i did when I set up the plastic bins and they are actually semi-organized), and a few piles of books- mostly books my kids were using in college or to study for college classes and left me with them.  Yes, I should go through the stuff and get rid of it but it is in one room, the room is very useable, I can find things I need, and there is plenty of unused space too.

[Garga]

There are episodes of the TV show Hoarders on youtube. Here's one I randomly grabbed:

 

I did not watch this particular episode all the way through, but they all follow the same sort of outline: (Note, within the first 30 seconds, you'll see the inside of his house.)

 

You meet the hoarder.

You meet their family, who discusses how they are affected by the hoarder.

Some sort of company or organizer is hired to come into the hoarder's house to clean it out. They sometimes start off optimistic. Sometimes they have to wear face masks because the fumes in the house are so dangerous.

You watch as the hoarder (I hate calling them that...sounds disrespectful) just cannot let the items go. You can see true distress on their faces. They are literally unable to let the styrofoam container that their Denny's leftovers came in 2 years ago. The organizer starts to feel despair, but they try their best to be supportive.

Nothing changes. The organizer/cleaning company might have changed one part of a room a tiny bit, but you can see that the person has deep issues.

 

Watch an episode and it becomes clear.

 

Other people might like to keep things for various reasons: I could use it later, I'm sentimental, I'm lazy. But they don't have the deep and overhwelming need to keep literal trash. I literally mean they can't part with a styrofoam box that had leftovers in it. One episode will show you that it's a true mental disorder.

 

Your friends with half of their house blocked off for storage may have a mild version of it, honestly. They might be able to hold themselves back just enough that they're not living in literal piles of trash. In the few episodes I've seen, the houses look 100% like a dump with walls around it. It's just one big pile of trash. It's hard to describe and I'm not exaggerating. A dump, inside a house. Watch an episode or two on youtube.

 

I find the condition terribly sad. The people come across as very broken. I feel for them and their families.

Edited February 22, 2017 by Garga

[maize]

There are episodes of the TV show Hoarders on youtube. Here's one I randomly grabbed:

 

I did not watch this particular episode all the way through, but they all follow the same sort of outline: (Note, within the first 30 seconds, you'll see the inside of his house.)

 

You meet the hoarder.

You meet their family, who discusses how they are affected by the hoarder.

Some sort of company or organizer is hired to come into the hoarder's house to clean it out. They sometimes start off optimistic. Sometimes they have to wear face masks because the fumes in the house are so dangerous.

You watch as the hoarder (I hate calling them that...sounds disrespectful) just cannot let the items go. You can see true distress on their faces. They are literally unable to let the styrofoam container that their Denny's leftovers came in 2 years ago. The organizer starts to feel despair, but they try their best to be supportive.

Nothing changes. The organizer/cleaning company might have changed one part of a room a tiny bit, but you can see that the person has deep issues.

 

Watch an episode and it becomes clear.

 

Other people might like to keep things for various reasons: I could use it later, I'm sentimental, I'm lazy. But they don't have the deep and overhwelming need to keep literal trash. I literally mean they can't part with a styrofoam box that had leftovers in it. One episode will show you that it's a true mental disorder.

 

Your friends with half of their house blocked off for storage may have a mild version of it, honestly. They might be able to hold themselves back just enough that they're not living in literal piles of trash. In the few episodes I've seen, the houses look 100% like a dump with walls around it. It's just one big pile of trash. It's hard to describe and I'm not exaggerating. A dump, inside a house. Watch an episode or two on youtube.

 

I find the condition terribly sad. The people come across as very broken. I feel for them and their families.

I am sure the show intentionally chooses severe cases; this does not mean that milder cases or those not involving actual trash are not also legitimate manifestations of the disorder.

 

All mental illnesses (really, all illnesses period) come in varying degrees of severity.

 

The cut off for is it or is it not pathological/diagnosible as an illness is usually whether it is negatively impacting other areas of life to a significant degree.

[maize]

Am I the only one who is profoundly bothered by the idea of a TV show that makes a spectacle of folks afflicted by a mental illness?

[Outdoorsy Type]

Am I the only one who is profoundly bothered by the idea of a TV show that makes a spectacle of folks afflicted by a mental illness?

As an alternative view, the advice from the psychologists on the show really helped me through my anxiety (different type) and also was helpful in understanding why/how things can get out of hand with mental illness.

[DawnM]

there are degrees of hoarding.  "stuff" will always expand to fill the space in an uncontrolled manner.

 

your friend sounds like she could be a hoarder with half her house used as storage - is it organized?  can she find things?  does she want to use that half of her house, but can't because there is too much "stuff"? - not a super bad one, but still hoarding. how is the half she uses? 

 

 

 

 

I have known her for about 7 years now.  She has talked about getting rid of the stuff for that entire time.  But each box "might have something important in it" so each has to be gone through very carefully.

 

I get that to some degree.  I have boxes in the basement and 90% of the stuff can go, but I need to make sure nothing important gets tossed.  But I don't have nearly the issue.

 

They added the addition to their house about 15 years ago and they WANT the space, but can't access it.

Edited February 23, 2017 by DawnM

[DawnM]

Am I the only one who is profoundly bothered by the idea of a TV show that makes a spectacle of folks afflicted by a mental illness?

 

My guess is that they are also helping the person, free movers, free psychologists, etc....

 

I understand the emotion you are feeling though.  But most of those featured wouldn't be able to do it alone, without resources.

[DawnM]

Sounds like you are a procrastinator if you are allowing clothing piles. Now, if you are bringing in more stuff and adding to your piles, its time to have a good conversation with yourself. If you're not bringing in things, adopt the professional secret....when you remove the item, immediately sort it into the bag for its destination. At the end of the day, take the discard bag to the trash, and put the donate bag near your vehicle keys. Don't let any pile form.

 

 

Sigh, I know WHAT to do, I just don't do it.  But I am about to.  I hired a professional organizer.  

[Anne in CA]

:iagree:  I have OCD and I had definite hoarding tendencies as a teen and young adult. I never progressed into being a full-blown, house-packed-to-the-ceiling hoarder, thankfully, but it's hard to understand if you haven't gone through it. The way that most people feel about a sentimental keepsake, like a lock of hair from a baby's first haircut or whatever, a hoarder feels about almost everything. The feeling I would get if I thought about getting rid of something is the same as the panicky feeling of dread I get with my current OCD issues. It's like a combination of terror and worry and anger and doom. Not fun.

 

My hoarding tendencies must have been pretty mild, because in college I got sick of having so much crap so I started throwing stuff out and just dealt with the panic attacks until it passed. Now it isn't really an issue for me anymore. I can't imagine how hard it must be for people with more severe hoarding tendencies. :(

 

So for me, a hoarder isn't just someone who collects a lot of stuff, but is someone who is psychologically unable to get rid of it.

Thanks for sharing. You are the only person besides my mother I know of who gave up hoarding and it makes me feel better to know it can be done without adding something negative like she has. Gives me hope for my own gene pool!

[Garga]

Am I the only one who is profoundly bothered by the idea of a TV show that makes a spectacle of folks afflicted by a mental illness?

I watched about 2 or 3 episodes thinking, "This will be a fun show about people getting their stuff all cleaned out."

 

I found it incredibly sad. The people couldn't get rid of their stuff. This wasn't a show about organizing someone's home. It was a show about people with a serious issue that was wrecking their lives.

 

I stopped watching because it upset me. My kids happened to watch about 10 minutes of one episode and they got very upset--sad for the people.

 

Someone else posted that the people on that show are the extreme cases. That's a good point.

Edited February 22, 2017 by Garga

[greenbeanmama]

My guess is that they are also helping the person, free movers, free psychologists, etc....

 

I understand the emotion you are feeling though.  But most of those featured wouldn't be able to do it alone, without resources.

 

I haven't watched the American Hoarders, but have watched a few episodes of the British version.  And yes, the lady who hosts it does so because her mom is a recovering hoarder, and she wanted to help others - the television aspect of it provides the funds that she couldn't supply, for psychologists and others who can offer some assistance.

[Mimm]

Am I the only one who is profoundly bothered by the idea of a TV show that makes a spectacle of folks afflicted by a mental illness?

 

I am.

 

But on the other hand, the episodes I've seen treat these people with some compassion at least. Showing that they are mentally ill and not just lazy slobs. They were pretty educational to me personally about this problem. And the people involved in the show seem to genuinely be trying to help.

 

So I'm torn. TLC has very little respect from me as a channel. But I think there might be good aspects to this show. But I have no idea how these people fare in the long term.

[Tanaqui]

When your mess or clutter or squalor or whatever you call it is affecting your life, then it is a problem.

 

If you can't have people into the home - not even your best friend or the plumber - because the house is so messy, that is a problem.

 

If you can't walk around normally but have to use special trails, that is a problem.

 

If you have animals or garbage and can't get rid of it, that is a problem.

 

If you're legitimately worried about floors caving in or about being trapped in case of fire, or child services removing the kids, that is a problem. (If you're worried for no good reason, that may also be a problem, but the problem there is not hoarding.)

 

If you are routinely buying new items to replace other items you've lost in the house, and are late on bills because the bills get misplaced and never found, that is a problem.

 

If items are frequently getting destroyed because of the mess - getting peed on by the cats, getting torn, getting stepped on, falling off stacks and breaking - then it is a problem.

 

If you can't use normal items like your bed or table because they're covered with things, and you can't put the things elsewhere either, then it is a problem.

 

If a large number of other people think that it is a problem and you don't, it may be that you are in denial. One person might have high standards, and two people might just be buttinskies, but if several people close to you have overcome good manners enough to share their concerns, it is time to listen.

 

With that said, I grew up with hoarding. I promise you, unless you're in the habit of hiding large sums of money in the laundry and the basement, there is nothing in those piles of "donate or toss?" clothes and boxes that is worth keeping. It's good that you hired an organizer, but I can give you some free advice right here for the future: If you meant to sort it, and it's been more than a month, then you don't want it and the poor probably don't either. Post on Freecycle or Craigslist that it's going on your curb a date two days before trash pickup and be done with it. I promise you, if it was that important, you wouldn't have it in a box or a pile, you'd be using it. Worse comes to worst, you can replace it.

[LucyStoner]

My husband is a packrat but not a hoarder. His brother is hoarder. The difference is that my husband wants to keep a lot of stuff but can get rid of excess and he doesn't want to keep total junk. His brother OTOH, has an emotional reaction to recycling a 20 year old book store receipt. I think they are both on the same spectrum. I could see my husband getting worse if he had a high level of depression.

[Guest]

Am I the only one who is profoundly bothered by the idea of a TV show that makes a spectacle of folks afflicted by a mental illness?

The episode that sticks in my mind does so because a teen was abandoned to the hoarder mother by the court system after the parents divorced. Dad had to leave that girl in a roach infested junk heap. that type of squalor needs to be known so that help can be had.

[Guest]

My dh used to live in the one-building slum if a very upscale town.

 

A man lived in the building who was known to be a hoarder. The fire department would come by every six months or so and make him toss stuff.

 

Here is what struck me about the description. He had carp all over the top of his refrigerator. Including the door. So when you swung the door open, there was stuff on top of the door that swung with it.

 

I had a relative who had a 9" path all around her bed. All around every piece of furniture in her living room. All the stuff was in boxes, never ever seen or used. Hoarder.

 

I have another relative who has a hard time throwing things away...but it's not the 9" walking room kind of thing. Not a hoarder.

[creekland]

With that said, I grew up with hoarding. I promise you, unless you're in the habit of hiding large sums of money in the laundry and the basement, there is nothing in those piles of "donate or toss?" clothes and boxes that is worth keeping. 

 

Same here and very similar thoughts about "worth keeping."  It's why when/if I need to be executor, most things are getting tossed rather than gone through - and I sure wouldn't mind if a stray match could be used.  Apparently the fire company frowns upon such things though.   :glare:

 

But I suspect my other Hoarder relative will be wanting all the treasure.  She just might get it too - then I don't have to deal with it.

 

I'm just super thankful I didn't inherit the gene.  I feel for those who have it.

[G5052]

My bachelor uncle was a hoarder. I had know that for years. When he died, I knew that his house and affairs would be a challenge. 

 

He had bedrooms stacked to the ceiling and a truck in the garage that the clean-out team didn't find until they had cleared a path. And it went on-and-on...it took the team three weeks to completely clean it out.

 

In the end, nearly everything had to be thrown out because it was so old, dirty, or unusable. They sent me pictures and family-related documents.

 

It was sad to me that he lived that way because once we got the house cleaned out and renovated, it was very attractive. It sits in an extremely desirable neighborhood.

 

He was a very gentle soul, and I'm not sure what the root of his hoarding was. Of course that generation (born in the 1930's) looked at things very differently than we do.

 

Yes, I have a lot of books and things I need to get rid of, but we use every room of the house and can move around. To me, that's not hoarding.