Help! How to wean a BF baby

[A home for their hearts]

I'm done!  Which is saying something for me because I usually bf until at least 2.  My little one is almost 11 months old and I just don't want to do it anymore.  We also co-sleep and he wants to be attached to my br##st or right next to me all night long which makes for very little sleep.  I am exhausted.  He doesn't take a pacifier so we can't fall back on that, we don't even have a bed for him.  I know how to wean a toddler, but I don't know how to wean a baby.  I need help.  I can't continue living like this.  I wake up every morning exhausted, with a major back ache.  I'm dragging myself through the day, I start snapping at my kids because I'm so tired, I'm starting to forget things, I feel like I'm 80 years old.  Please help!

[73349]

We moved DS to his own room and made Daddy the sleep parent. I continued to nurse in the daytime, though.

 

It actually didn't help much, because sleep itself rather than nursing was the problem for us. He'd already been in his own crib.

[Ravin]

It sounds like what you really want to do is night-wean.

 

I would start with getting your little one used to falling asleep without nursing. Have the baby sleep beside your DH instead of you, and set a timer for night nursing sessions. My son gets five minutes on each side, then he can cuddle until asleep. Of course, we started this at two, not eleven months.

 

I would shoot for getting the baby to fall asleep without nursing (nurse out of bed), then have your DH take over nighttime parenting while you sleep.

 

Both of mine went on nursing strikes around that age. Simply not working to get them back on the breast when a strike happens would do it.

[athomeontheprairie]

Honey, I'm so sorry. You sound exhausted. I agree with the above, put dh in charge at night. If you aren't set on coo sleeping, I would move him to his own room. If that isn't an option, is leave baby with dad and sleep on the couch at the far end of the house (seriously). break the habit, then go back to bed with baby by dad.

it is exhausting to go long term without sleep. I hope you can nap today. And please, have a real conversation with your dh. I really hope he is able to help.

Hugs

[A home for their hearts]

My husband can't do the night time parenting, he has to get up early in the morning for work.  When I try to get the baby to sleep without nursing, evening during the day, it's a fight.  He screams and fights me.  The only time he falls asleep without being held is in the car.  He doesn't nurse for long periods of time, when he does he doesn't really nurse, he just lays there and occasionally sucks, I rarely hear him swallowing especially during the day. I hear more swallowing at night.     

[Ellie]

I'm done!  Which is saying something for me because I usually bf until at least 2.  My little one is almost 11 months old and I just don't want to do it anymore.  We also co-sleep and he wants to be attached to my br##st or right next to me all night long which makes for very little sleep.  I am exhausted.  He doesn't take a pacifier so we can't fall back on that, we don't even have a bed for him.  I know how to wean a toddler, but I don't know how to wean a baby.  I need help.  I can't continue living like this.  I wake up every morning exhausted, with a major back ache.  I'm dragging myself through the day, I start snapping at my kids because I'm so tired, I'm starting to forget things, I feel like I'm 80 years old.  Please help!

 

:grouphug:

 

Is he eating solids? If so, I would make sure he has a good supper.

 

It will be much easier if he has his own bed in another room.

 

When it's time for him to go to bed, around 8ish,  nurse him and cuddle him and have Daddy put him to bed and walk away. There might be some crying-it-out.  Can you bear that? After awhile, when he goes to bed and sleeps, you might be able to gently stop the other night feedings, as well. You might go in to his room and pick him up and nurse him, then put him back to bed for a few nights; then one night, you wait and see if he'll go back to sleep before you go in to him.

 

I loved the first-thing-in-the-morning nursing. Dd would wake around 7, and I'd go get her and take her back to bed so (1) we could snuggle and (2) I wouldn't have to be UP so early!

[Snow]

The book the No Cry Sleep Solution was very helpful for me. Dd still nurses to sleep but I stopped middle of the night feedings when she was 2.

 

She definitely cried, lol. But it wasn't as bad as I feared. Weaning this way, she sleeps from 8:30-5:30 without milk but continues to nurse during the day.

 

Do a search for weaning on here and you'll find some good ideas.

 

Good luck!

[zoobie]

Check out Dr. Jay Gordon's advice on night weaning.

[wendyroo]

My husband can't do the night time parenting, he has to get up early in the morning for work.  When I try to get the baby to sleep without nursing, evening during the day, it's a fight.  He screams and fights me.  The only time he falls asleep without being held is in the car.  He doesn't nurse for long periods of time, when he does he doesn't really nurse, he just lays there and occasionally sucks, I rarely hear him swallowing especially during the day. I hear more swallowing at night.     

 

Could your husband just handle the first couple hours for a week or so?  If it were me, I would give baby a good dinner with lots of protein and healthy fats, do bedtime routine between 7 and 8pm, nurse baby and put him down in a crib or pack and play in his own room, and I would leave, but Dad would sit of lay nearby where baby could see him until baby fell asleep... even if that took a long time for the first few days.  When my small babies were learning to fall asleep on their own, I would sometimes sit in their room reading aloud (any old novel I was interested in, not kids books) so they could see and hear me as they fell asleep.

 

I'm betting that once he gets over the initial hurdle of falling asleep in his own bed, that the rest of the night wakings will mostly take care of themselves.

 

You should, of course, do what you feel comfortable with.

 

Wendy

[Ravin]

My husband can't do the night time parenting, he has to get up early in the morning for work. When I try to get the baby to sleep without nursing, evening during the day, it's a fight. He screams and fights me. The only time he falls asleep without being held is in the car. He doesn't nurse for long periods of time, when he does he doesn't really nurse, he just lays there and occasionally sucks, I rarely hear him swallowing especially during the day. I hear more swallowing at night.

It sounds like he's reverse cycled, so he's getting the bulk of his nutrition at night. Often little ones do this because they're too busy and don't want to stop playing during the day.

 

If DH can't help, just work on ending nursing sessions when the serious swallowing is done and the baby has shifted to the shallow comfort-nursing suck.

 

Truth be told, I've never dealt with trying to do this. Any tactic that involved getting even less sleep in the short term I was not up for.

 

I empathize 100% and want to offer a reminder that it'll pass. Your little one is quickly changing and growing and the pattern will change as regular food displaces the caloric needs you are still meeting with BM.

[Ravin]

If he needs to be held, try strapping him to your back in an Asian style baby carrier and going for an evening/pre-naptime walk.

 

With a little practice, it is possible to lay a sleeping baby down from that position.

[A home for their hearts]

I do need to add that he is a big baby, he's in the 99th percentile.  He weighed 27lbs .  I'm a plus size mamma so baby carriers don't work for us.  I have a moby but gave up on that when he was 2 months old and 18lbs.  He does eat solids however I haven't introduced proteins yet.  What would be good proteins and fat to give him?  I haven't introduced cows milk either. 

[Ellie]

I do need to add that he is a big baby, he's in the 99th percentile.  He weighed 27lbs .  I'm a plus size mamma so baby carriers don't work for us.  I have a moby but gave up on that when he was 2 months old and 18lbs.  He does eat solids however I haven't introduced proteins yet.  What would be good proteins and fat to give him?  I haven't introduced cows milk either. 

 

He doesn't need dairy, but he definitely needs proteins. In fact, La Leche League recommends introducing proteins and veggies before grains. At his age, and if you haven't noticed any food reactions, he should be able to eat pretty much whatever the family is eating (except for dairy).

 

I would not expect him to be able to sleep for very long at night until he is eating  a pretty decent dinner ("decent" for his age and size, of course).

[AnIslandGirl]

Could you possibly pump so that your son was still getting the nutrients, but not the sleep association of being next to you? Looking at the ages of your other children, maybe they could offer a bottle during the transition period throuout the daytime feedings? Just an idea, as our dd didn't wean until 2 1/2.

Good luck! :grouphug:

[wendyroo]

I do need to add that he is a big baby, he's in the 99th percentile.  He weighed 27lbs .  I'm a plus size mamma so baby carriers don't work for us.  I have a moby but gave up on that when he was 2 months old and 18lbs.  He does eat solids however I haven't introduced proteins yet.  What would be good proteins and fat to give him?  I haven't introduced cows milk either. 

 

Avocado, quinoa, hard boiled egg yolk, fish (not too much due to mercury), tender pot roast if he is ready for that texture, etc.

 

I did baby led weaning with my kids, and by 9 months they were eating everything the family did except for honey.

 

Wendy

[barnwife]

I use Dr. Jay Gordon's method for nightweaning. Very gentle and it's worked twice. (Our youngest is coming up on a year, so I'll be using it again shortly.)

With one kiddo I had to sleep elsewhere once we hit the second 3 nights. Otherwise, that child just woke constantly. But without me there, DH only had to pat baby back to sleep a handful of times. And after a few nights of that, he was over that pattern and we could bedshare again.

I can not recommend this method of nightweaning highly enough. 

[Joanne]

I would night wean. You will have to invest a couple - few days and nights to do it. And not make exceptions (even for illness, etc).

 

I would also consider if dairy allergy might be a factor. It can show up as you describe in babies/toddlers.

 

I am a plus sized woman, and my kids were large, too. I baby carried "anyway" because it was the lesser of 2 challenges.

[A home for their hearts]

He does have eczema, and my LLL told me it could be a dairy allergy however I was never able to eliminate it from my diet.  I try to limit the wheat that I give to him but he does have some when I need a convenient snack for him, i.e. gerber baby puffs, or Baby Mum Mums .  He's eczema started at around 4 months, we didn't introduce solids until around 7 months so if it's an allergic reaction it's probably to something I'm eating.  It all goes back to me being exhausted and not wanting to give up my comfort food.  He is also walking, he started walking at about 9 1/2 months.  He is very busy and on the go almost all day.  He's learned how to climb up the stairs as well.  

[BarbecueMom]

He does have eczema, and my LLL told me it could be a dairy allergy however I was never able to eliminate it from my diet. I try to limit the wheat that I give to him but he does have some when I need a convenient snack for him, i.e. gerber baby puffs, or Baby Mum Mums . He's eczema started at around 4 months, we didn't introduce solids until around 7 months so if it's an allergic reaction it's probably to something I'm eating. It all goes back to me being exhausted and not wanting to give up my comfort food. He is also walking, he started walking at about 9 1/2 months. He is very busy and on the go almost all day. He's learned how to climb up the stairs as well.

If it makes you feel any better, DS1 has severe eczema, and we have both been 99% dairy free* since his birth. It hasn't cleared it up. Steroid ad antibiotic cream make it disappear, until it flares up again. I have tried to cut back night feedings, but he self-soothes by rubbing/scratching his face off instead. No other advice, just commiseration.

 

Roasted chicken and tiny bits of hamburger are some of his favorite proteins. My first two loved refried beans as babies, but he'll take a token three bites then refuse.

 

* The 1% was a chunk of baked potato covered in butter-cheese-sour cream that he snatched off a dinner plate and ate quickly. His eyes got red, face was blotchy, and he vomited in his bed that night. I'm going to get him tested for dairy allergy before we try that again.

[MistyMountain]

I would night wean first. I night weaned the 2 of mine that were waking a lot at night. It didn't solve one of my babies sleep issues though. I didn't have dh's help for night weaning. You don't need someone else to do it for you for it to be effective. I gently taught one baby to sleep on his own by gradually reducing what I did to get him to fall asleep. Instead of nursing to sleep I started with rubbing his back and signing to him and picking him up when he got hysterical and then putting him back and going back to rubbing when he calmed. Eventually he just needed my presence and then finally he would put himself to sleep. When he woke in the night I comforted him but didn't nurse him. It didn't take long for him to not need nursing but he still wanted comfort when he woke. For my other baby that needed night weaning I just held her when she woke instead of nursing and after 3 nights she no longer woke at all.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I third, fourth or fifth the nightweaning recommendation.  I know that busy toddlers don't like to sit and nurse.  One thing that helped my busy ones was to actually go into a dark room to nurse during the day so that there wasn't as much to capture their attention.  I had preschoolers at the time so I would put in an educational video so that the young one could get some uninterrupted boring nursing time.  If you have older children, are any of them in a position to hold down the fort or 20 minutes or so for a boring daytime nursing session. 

 

I realize that your dh has a job that he has to go to, but so do you ... parenting your children.  I would find a 3 or 4 day stretch where he can commit to being the nighttime parent so that you can get some rest. 

[Miss Tick]

First, my ds had eczema, and gradually outgrew it by around 6. Ped. had mentioned this was possible. No dairy allergy, but he is allergic to peanuts, for what it's worth.

 

I did a pre-emptive night nursing that I found casually mentioned as an aside in one of the baby sleep books. It gave me the illusion of control over the situation. Ha.

 

For a week I tracked when baby woke up at night. Perhaps move your ds to his own "bed" for this. Then for the next three nights I woke them half an hour before they (presumably) would have woken and fed them. Every third day I moved everything back a ½ hour. Took forever, minimal crying, gave me the illusion of control. One warning, don't make any changes to the plan during the night. I always regretted that when I did it.

 

Hope you find something that works for you!

[melbotoast]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  I recently got to that point with my LO. I let her cry it out at bedtime and it has definitely improved her night time sleep. She is really resisting naps now, but at least the night time is better! Good luck!

[AK_Mom4]

I needed to night-wean DS18 (back in the dark ages) when he was about 13 months.  He was a co-sleeper and night-nurser and I was just not able to function with 3 little kids and no sleep.  We started by feeding him Dinner #2 about 7pm, then I would nurse him to sleep in the rocking chair and put him in his own bed.  The first few nights, he woke up and cried and I would put on a hooded sweatshirt (no zipper) over my nightgown and go pick him up.  The sweatshirt was to make it so difficult to nurse that I wouldn't be tempted to give in.  I would rock him back to sleep and put him down again.  

 

I won't lie - it took about a week of him fussing at me at night before he started sleeping through the night.  And it was very very tough.  It would have been even more difficult if we hadn't had a separate bed to put him in - I would have certainly given in and just nursed him back to sleep because I was so tired if we had kept co-sleeping.

[Susan C.]

If you are truly desperate (it sounds like you are) I might be tempted to go somewhere ALONE so you can sleep and away from baby Friday and Saturday nights (a hotel, a friends, relative) promising to be back Sunday morning to let your dh catch up on sleep. I would have him put baby in crib, then if necessary, sleep on the floor so baby has someone nearby. If you choose to do this, use today and tomorrow to get day time food/drinks picked, sippy cups/bottles ready, and today and tomorrow, naps in the crib to "show" baby what's coming, and then you could even sleep on the floor in there if you don't want baby alone (and you could take a nap). Tonight could be last night co-sleeping. If the crib is a disaster today and tomorrow for naps, then drive around for naps today and tomorrow IF you are up to driving and not too tired. Also, if there is a relative to help him this weekend, it may help.

Drink ideas (I'm a bit outdated, moms out there confirm): older baby formula with no iron (don't want belly aches this weekend) or pump. For protein, I mixed baby sweet potatoes half and half with baby meat (baby meat alone is disgusting), I also threw baby food green beans in and called it "baby casserole." You can also blend your food. Reading one of your posts about eczema, baby may be wheat intolerant as well as dairy intolerant. I like dinner #2 idea to get baby fuller before bed. My ds was so busy as a toddler, I had to run behind him with bite sized food so he would eat during the day!

GL

[gardenmom5]

I've had reluctant weaners.  (I had one hit me - yes HIT me  - for six solid months after he was weaned.)  I've also run from a baby who just looked at me that way.

 

where I would recommend you start is refusing to nurse at night.  you are not a human pacifier (though the baby thinks you are.)  get a long nightgown, or something the baby can't open when you're asleep.  (I had one who did that . . . where did you come from and how did you get latched onto me?)

 

start when there will be a few nights your dh can help to take the baby, or the other kids the next day.

 

put the baby to bed - in your bed if you want, then go sleep somewhere else.  (this isn't permanent.  just until baby gets the message night time nursings are now shut down.)  when baby wakes up, you will need to cuddle and comfort - but do NOT nurse!  rinse and repeat.  eventually baby will not wake up as often wanting to nurse.

 

incidently - not only will you get more sleep (when you've worked through the process), so will the baby.

[DesertBlossom]

I'm feeling the same way about my 15mo DD.  I don't mind nursing her during the day, but I'm over the night feedings. She mostly sleeps in her crib in another room. But about 1 or 2 am she's crying so I bring her to bed with us. Then she's tossing and turning and keeping me awake, so I put her back in her bed. And she does that 1 or 2 more times in the night. I'm *this* close to setting  up a pack-n-play on the other end of the house and letting her fuss herself back to sleep where I can't hear her.  I've done that with 1 or 2 of my other babies about this same age. I'd never CIO with a small baby, but I eventually get to a point where I just can't do the night-nursings anymore.

[Incognito]

When I night weaned, I would tell the child that "they" (whatever you call them) were asleep, and child could nurse in the morning.  It was sleepy time.  I'd give a sippy cup of water if they wanted something.  It didn't take too long (or too many upset times) for them to understand.  Wearing a shirt that doesn't make for easy access (and a bra to have an extra step/layer) were helpful in keeping me to my word. :)

[kiwik]

I weaned my youngest at 8 months because he was feeding a minute at a time all night and I had to work in the morning. It wasn't that big a drama.

 

That is really TRUE. I refused to feed him during the night so he refused to feed in the morning. He didn't breastfeed during the day anyway so that only left once a day which isn't really enough to keep a milk supply.

[Soror]

I understand the feeling. I nightweaned #4 in June as I was desperate and couldn't take the lack of sleep anymore. First thing I did was make sure I fed her lots and lots during the day to make sure she was full, considering the fact that your concerned about food issues (we are here as well) I would make sure you keep those to safer foods. Dd got lots of coconut cream, nut butters(no issue for her), avocados, sweet potatoes, bananas etc. I became uber strict on the no dairy even in the whole house for awhile. It actually went off fairly easily, the first night she slept 7 hrs. The few nights after that she would wake some but I would put her by dh. My dh gets up early as well (around 4 am or so) but I reached a breaking point. Anyway, it was only a couple of bad nights and even those weren't too bd.

 

Now I started sleeping better and somehow started nursing again in the night without even realizing it and had to nightwean her again, that time she didn't do as well but we've made it through again. It probably would have been smart to have wore a nightgown so I didn't accidently nurse her half-asleep. 

 

This week I've cut back nursing during the day as well. I'm nursing when she wakes up in the morning, at lunch before her nap (but after she eats) and at bedtime. I'm hoping it helps my crazy hormones line out and I'm tired of her wanting to hang on me all the time. I do want her to keep the immune benefits of nursing. 

[Ravin]

He does have eczema, and my LLL told me it could be a dairy allergy however I was never able to eliminate it from my diet. I try to limit the wheat that I give to him but he does have some when I need a convenient snack for him, i.e. gerber baby puffs, or Baby Mum Mums . He's eczema started at around 4 months, we didn't introduce solids until around 7 months so if it's an allergic reaction it's probably to something I'm eating. It all goes back to me being exhausted and not wanting to give up my comfort food. He is also walking, he started walking at about 9 1/2 months. He is very busy and on the go almost all day. He's learned how to climb up the stairs as well.

I'll reiterate what Ellie said about protein.

 

For snacks, I suggest ditching the overpriced baby snacks. A box of pain cheerios or rice chex is much much cheaper per oz. Aside from that, even without teeth yet an 11mo. can pretty much eat whatever everyone else does, just mashed or cut up small.