CalicoKat Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 curious how other families work with candy rewards given to their kids. Scenario 1 Our church kid's program hands out candy to the kids at the end. Not every week, not all grades simultaneously, or the same kinds of candy. Please keep in mind that our church service is on Saturday evening and ends at 7:30 p.m. And that we usually go get ice cream sundaes for our kids afterwards. So one week my dd's come out with air heads. But the boy's class didn't get any. Another time the girls don't get any, but the boy's get 3 pieces each. What do you say to the disappointed kids? What do you say knowing your dd (ADHD) reacts to the food coloring, HFCS and CS but if you took it away she'd be crushed. Should the child who's got many pieces to share when other's got none? Should I be instructing the kiddos to say, "no thank you." Or should I just collect the evening's stash and throw it out later? Not to mention bedtime is in a half hour. . . . Scenario 2 DD's weekly art class get's lollipops after class. She's the only one attending this class but the whole crew rides along since I'm the only parent around at the time to chauffeur. A. She's a candy hoarder so she's been known to hide the candy in her room only to be disappointed when her sibs find and eat it later. B. Occasionally I have been able to just take one other kiddo along for the pick up (minus the 4 others) and the extra kiddo usually gets rewarded too. However on this occasion the extra kiddo also decided on delayed gratification but carried the sucker along--in the open-- for protection. Now everyone wants a sucker. Of course I'm irritated. Of course they all want one. Do I go out and buy some for all? Do I take hers away since the intent was for her to enjoy it on the drive home? Do I ask her to go eat it in private? Do I just ignore the clamor of the crowd and let it be? Oy vey, no matter what I'm the bad cop. I'd love to know what others have done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 If one of my children get something from a class the others didn't attend then Oh well pretty much that is just life in this house. I have an ADHD kid and another with autism they know better than to complain. I am fair in my giving but in all reality the world don't work that way. I cannot expect a teacher to send one for all the kids in my house. It all evens out in the end there will be another time when the other gets something and I would just explain that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 If one of my children get something from a class the others didn't attend then Oh well pretty much that is just life in this house. I have an ADHD kid and another with autism they know better than to complain. I am fair in my giving but in all reality the world don't work that way. I cannot expect a teacher to send one for all the kids in my house. It all evens out in the end there will be another time when the other gets something and I would just explain that. Is your ADHDer's behaviour negatively affected by the candy? We can pretty much kiss concentration, focus, friendliness, and predict huge impulsivity for up to 3 days afterwards (yes, for even a little tiny piece of candy!) Candy affects her behaviour this badly and consequently the rest of the family for the week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 I kept some ok candy in my purse for my youngest when this happened at our Awanas.... Carrie:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 My friend has a daughter VERY affected by candy and food coloring. She has taught her daughter that when she receives the candy to give it to her mom. I was with her recently when this happened. The girl happily came to her mom, who was standing next to me and said, "Here mom, this has food coloring." The mom has done a very good job of helping the child (age 10) to learn how it does affect her and how to not eat it, but hand it over. It's done nicely. I don't know how applicable that is to anyone else... it might seem like a fairy tale! As far as the one child gets one, another doesn't, that just happens all throughout life. My older brother got to go with his friend's family to Mexico and camp out on the beach... I never got to. Now, I know that is not candy, but it's life. I got a lot of ice cream, whenever I wanted because I worked at an ice cream shop, my brother didn't get so much ice cream... he wouldn't get a job! Anyway, not much to add except that I would teach the children to be happy for each other and not make a big deal out of it, and handle it matter-of-factly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mktkcb Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Well, there are 2 issues here. The health issue, and the "unfair" issue. If its a health issue, then of course confiscate, or have some alternative, or whatever. The "unfair" issue is not evil or wrong, its just life. I've told my kids since they were tiny....."Life is NOT fair, but sometimes it is unfair in your favor". For us, the overarching principle is "rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep". In this case, that means when something good happens to someone else, we are happy for them, NOT jealous of them. And they know, deep down, that everyone gets their "turn" so to speak. Its sort of funny in our family...occasionally when I am out with only 1 kid, I'll treat them to something, but I always tell them "now remember....this never happened *wink wink*, right??". Occasionally one of them will slip up and spill the beans, but they all know I do it with all of them, and I always tell all of them the same thing :o). Is that fair? no. Do I keep track of who I favored when? no. Its just a character issue, and the earlier they learn to chill out about it the better. I personally would discipline a child that would throw a fit because child X got something, and *HE* didn't. Anyway, jmo. Kayleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 Well, there are 2 issues here. The health issue, and the "unfair" issue. If its a health issue, then of course confiscate, or have some alternative, or whatever. The "unfair" issue is not evil or wrong, its just life. I've told my kids since they were tiny....."Life is NOT fair, but sometimes it is unfair in your favor". For us, the overarching principle is "rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep". In this case, that means when something good happens to someone else, we are happy for them, NOT jealous of them. And they know, deep down, that everyone gets their "turn" so to speak. Its sort of funny in our family...occasionally when I am out with only 1 kid, I'll treat them to something, but I always tell them "now remember....this never happened *wink wink*, right??". Occasionally one of them will slip up and spill the beans, but they all know I do it with all of them, and I always tell all of them the same thing :o). Is that fair? no. Do I keep track of who I favored when? no. Its just a character issue, and the earlier they learn to chill out about it the better. I personally would discipline a child that would throw a fit because child X got something, and *HE* didn't. Anyway, jmo.Kayleen Totally agree with the inequality aspect--but what about the hoarding stuff that feels like they're "rubbing it in?" Truly it's not done carefully and everyone knows about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 We have a sweetie box. If one child gets sweeties, then they are put into the box and shared out, one a day, between the two boys. If they are given something unsuitable, then I swap it out for something else. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 We just generally don't do candy at all (very rarely I allow it, but we do eat dark chocolate :)), so if candy is offered at some church function, my kids just don't take it. If they end up receiving it in a gift bag or something like that, we send it w/ dh to give to someone else who does eat it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 My dc know not to eat things like that w/out asking first, & they know that they'll pretty much have to wait until another day to eat it. When I do let them, they usually volunteer to share. Generally, though, it magically disappears. We've still got Halloween candy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 What? Someone posted that the candy can set off their ADHD kid for days??? I have a kid who is hyperactive, but not ADD. I wonder if candy makes it worse.... What other foods can make it worse? Maybe I should start a new thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5knights3maidens Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 My dd (5) cannot have any type of candy or food given out at Awanas. She has accepted this. She usually takes in a baggie of candy and the leader lets her have it when the class gets theirs. This is not a problem with her. She did get mad a Christmas when she opened her Christmas present from there and it was all candies she couldn't have. :glare: She gave it back to us right away. I do tell them over and over again but it doesn't seem to sink in alot. She doesn't get mad at her siblings if they get something from Awana because she has learned that you cannot always get what other people have. ;) She can go into a store now and not throw a temper tantrum if the others get candy...she gets a fresh fruit cup. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momof10 Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 "but what about the hoarding stuff that feels like they're "rubbing it in?" Truly it's not done carefully and everyone knows about it. " I guess I differ from you in that I'd call it "saving" as opposed to "hoarding." To be honest, if it's her personal preference to save the candy until later, I don't see anything wrong with it. Why would it be understood or a given that she has to eat it on the way home? (I think you said in your original post that "the intent was for her to enjoy it on the drive home.") I have a dd who prefers to save her candy until another time. It's ok - as long as she doesn't choose to eat it right before a meal. The issue with me would be with the siblings who don't respect that child's belongings by taking the candy she has saved. With our 10 kids, I'd go nuts if I collected all of the candy given and then doled it out evenly, or insisted that everyone get the same thing. I'd also go broke if I kept a candy stash to give to the others when one of the children got something at a function. It's life -- they need to be taught to handle the situation gracefully and realize that it all evens out in the long run. Even if it doesn't, that's OK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 I have two girls who sometimes get treats at church. The candy is their own, but they have to ask for permission before they can eat it (church ends right before lunchtime, so we often save it for dessert). They sometimes share with each other. My older girl has a lot of food allergies and may not eat anything new without permission. If she gets something she can't have, I trade with her for something else. I've actually made chocolate bars for her which are stored in the freezer, so sometimes she gets one--like on Sunday we went to a friend's house for the Superbowl, and I knew there would be several things she couldn't have, so I brought one along so she could experience treat parity. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 I agree that sometimes life is not fair but has a way evening out. So in my house there is no whining if you did not get candy this time and there is not to be any "look what I got" taunting from those who did get something. Sharing is kind and welcomed but not required but usually happens. It really has not been an issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 If one dc has an extreme reaction to candy, I'd let the person handing out candy know. It's nearly the same as an allergy, treat it as such. I have a scout in our den who is diabetic. I had no idea until I saw his medi-bracelet myself. I felt HORRIBLE that I had been putting his health at risk. It did not hurt me to go get sugar free candy, just for him. However, I would have been crushed if I had somehow hurt him. As for the other scenerios... when dd gets a reward at school, ds understands that it was a reward, something she earned. The same goes for when ds gets something and dd doesn't. The kids are in bunches of random extras, so someone is always getting something. The only dc that has a prob. with this is Luke, but he's two. I can distract him with the toy that has been 'lost' in the glovebox and he forgets about it. All the same, graceful winners, no show-offs, be kind. If there's some nose rubbing, then they lose the reward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnetteB Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Ours have learned to politely decline the sweets or say thank you and then hand them to us for disposal. I don't care for other people giving the children candy, but we have to be gracious about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 My dc know to turn it in to me for safe-keeping. We only keep a small amount of what they get, and that they like to share with their friends who can have it. Okay with their parents, okay with me. I do let the adults in charge know that they may go ahead and give it to my dc, even though they can't eat it. They've proven themselves trustworthy in this. If they didn't, I would tell the adults not to give it to them. One activity director really wanted to have a treat that was okay for my dc, so I suggested little raisin boxes. I remember how surprised he was that many of the children chose those over candy. I don't think adults realize just how much candy kids get these days, and how many actually like other treats! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 "but what about the hoarding stuff that feels like they're "rubbing it in?" Truly it's not done carefully and everyone knows about it. " I guess I differ from you in that I'd call it "saving" as opposed to "hoarding." To be honest, if it's her personal preference to save the candy until later, I don't see anything wrong with it. Why would it be understood or a given that she has to eat it on the way home? (I think you said in your original post that "the intent was for her to enjoy it on the drive home.") I have a dd who prefers to save her candy until another time. It's ok - as long as she doesn't choose to eat it right before a meal. The issue with me would be with the siblings who don't respect that child's belongings by taking the candy she has saved. With our 10 kids, I'd go nuts if I collected all of the candy given and then doled it out evenly, or insisted that everyone get the same thing. I'd also go broke if I kept a candy stash to give to the others when one of the children got something at a function. It's life -- they need to be taught to handle the situation gracefully and realize that it all evens out in the long run. Even if it doesn't, that's OK. I agree with this 100%. Everyone is my family has their own candy stash to pick from when they chose and everyone else knows not to steal others' candy because hell hath no fury like a person whose candy has been stolen! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Is your ADHDer's behaviour negatively affected by the candy? We can pretty much kiss concentration, focus, friendliness, and predict huge impulsivity for up to 3 days afterwards (yes, for even a little tiny piece of candy!) Candy affects her behaviour this badly and consequently the rest of the family for the week. Really I have heard of the red dye that some candies have and huge amounts of chocolate but never just plain candy. Have you had a check for blood sugar?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 :rant: May I just take this opportunity to say that I loathe, hate, and detest the ridiculous amount of stupid candy and cheap plastic trinkets our society inflicts on my children!!! Having got that out of my system . . . If you have a kid who reacts to the dyes and such, I would absolutely NOT allow any of the kids to eat that junk. My son is lactose intolerant. I keep a stash of candy on hand that is safe for him. He knows he can always trade in bad candy for good candy. You might consider instituting such a system. Aside from that, life is hard and things aren't always equal. Kids who are given candy in a program have gotten lucky, and the others have to deal with it without whining or complaining. I keep candy buckets for my kids--if they cannot eat candy right away, it goes in the bucket. I dole out the candy when I see fit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Well, I'm mean, so keep that in mind... I love when one of my kiddos gets something and the others don't. I consider it free character building. We have always had the rule that they get to eat it themselves (no enforced sharing,) and they are the fastest kids to share that you ever saw. If it is too late for candy or it is something they can't have (sugar free or gum, usually,) we throw it away. I don't mind my kiddos getting candy at all. We eat a very balanced diet at home, without many treats, so it doesn't hurt for them to have it now and then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 I have two girls who sometimes get treats at church. The candy is their own, but they have to ask for permission before they can eat it (church ends right before lunchtime, so we often save it for dessert). They sometimes share with each other. My older girl has a lot of food allergies and may not eat anything new without permission. If she gets something she can't have, I trade with her for something else. I've actually made chocolate bars for her which are stored in the freezer, so sometimes she gets one--like on Sunday we went to a friend's house for the Superbowl, and I knew there would be several things she couldn't have, so I brought one along so she could experience treat parity. ;) :iagree: DD is on a gluten-free diet, so she can't have all types of candy or she will be sick. Her Bible class teachers are aware of her diet and will ask me if something is OK for her before they give it in class. Sometimes good intentioned people who don't know about her diet give her something she can't have. I have taught her to say "thank you" and then later (when the person is not around) I will trade her for something she can have. She often gives the treat she can't give to her junk food loving daddy. She gets so excited about giving him a special treat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 :rant: May I just take this opportunity to say that I loathe, hate, and detest the ridiculous amount of stupid candy and cheap plastic trinkets our society inflicts on my children!!! Having got that out of my system . . . Amen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 What? Someone posted that the candy can set off their ADHD kid for days??? I have a kid who is hyperactive, but not ADD. I wonder if candy makes it worse.... What other foods can make it worse? Maybe I should start a new thread. Check out the feingold diet. http://www.feingold.org/ That should give you a good start to mull over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 :rant: May I just take this opportunity to say that I loathe, hate, and detest the ridiculous amount of stupid candy and cheap plastic trinkets our society inflicts on my children!!! :iagree: My son spins out when given too much "sweets". Is it the sugar? Or the dyes? I don't know. But there is a marked change in his behavior when he's been to a birthday party and been fed cake and candy. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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