I'm jealous

[Danestress]

This afternoon I took my boys to watch a basketball game and their friend's private school. Their friend is in 6th grade.

 

So I'm sitting there in the bleachers at a JV middle school basketball game, and I start looking around me. All the women are so attractive. They were all so thin, and their clothes just looked beautiful. I mean, casual beautiful. No one was wearing a ball gown, but they just looked so polished and put together. They had jewelry that finished off the outfits. Okay, just the fact that they have outfits made me feel inadequate. I don't have actual "outfits" if you know what I mean. And as I sat there, I started to feel sort of fat, even though I am not fat at all. I realized that I was wearing socks that don't match, though both were grey so that seemed close enough to me when I put them on. I realized that my unmatched grey socks looked really bad with my carmel colored pants. I realized that I look dumpy and stupid in my carmel colored pants that are a size too big and grey socks and a blue shirt that is one of my comfy favorites but doesn't an "outfit" make.

 

And I realized that I was back in middle school. Literally, lol. And there are still really pretty girls that always look great, and I, though I really look fine, will never really be one of them. Bummer. And I realized that a little part of me still wants to be one of the princesses:)

[joannqn]

I totally understand. I always look at those put together people with nice outfits and jewelry and want to look that nice too. Then I try to copy them and remember why I don't do that.

[Ohio12]

This afternoon I took my boys to watch a basketball game and their friend's private school. Their friend is in 6th grade.

 

So I'm sitting there in the bleachers at a JV middle school basketball game, and I start looking around me. All the women are so attractive. They were all so thin, and their clothes just looked beautiful. I mean, casual beautiful. No one was wearing a ball gown, but they just looked so polished and put together. They had jewelry that finished off the outfits. Okay, just the fact that they have outfits made me feel inadequate. I don't have actual "outfits" if you know what I mean. And as I sat there, I started to feel sort of fat, even though I am not fat at all. I realized that I was wearing socks that don't match, though both were grey so that seemed close enough to me when I put them on. I realized that my unmatched grey socks looked really bad with my carmel colored pants. I realized that I look dumpy and stupid in my carmel colored pants that are a size too big and grey socks and a blue shirt that is one of my comfy favorites but doesn't an "outfit" make.

 

And I realized that I was back in middle school. Literally, lol. And there are still really pretty girls that always look great, and I, though I really look fine, will never really be one of them. Bummer. And I realized that a little part of me still wants to be one of the princesses:)

 

I think it is fine to look dumpy if you want to, but not if you don't want to! I have been trying to look less dumpy and have some nice outfits for when I go somewhere. It is a little time consuming to find nice things on a budget, but I keep trying. What is holding you back?

[Danestress]

I think it is fine to look dumpy if you want to, but not if you don't want to! I have been trying to look less dumpy and have some nice outfits for when I go somewhere. It is a little time consuming to find nice things on a budget, but I keep trying. What is holding you back?

 

I don't know. I do have some okay clothes, but I end up not having things that go together well, so maybe I just need some help with that. Part of it is that I conserve mental energy by not investing a lot of time into those things. If you wear the same thing everyday, you don't have to think about it:) I did great a great haircut recently, and I wear makeup and try to look nice. I'm not sure what the problem is with the clothes.

[Snickerdoodle]

I don't know. I do have some okay clothes, but I end up not having things that go together well, so maybe I just need some help with that. Part of it is that I conserve mental energy by not investing a lot of time into those things. If you wear the same thing everyday, you don't have to think about it:) I did great a great haircut recently, and I wear makeup and try to look nice. I'm not sure what the problem is with the clothes.

 

We must be twins!

[Linda in Oregon]

I'm sorry.

 

It just never works when we compare our insides (how we feel) with other people's outsides (how they look).

 

I don't know what else to say.

[Danestress]

I'm sorry.

 

It just never works when we compare our insides (how we feel) with other people's outsides (how they look).

 

I don't know what else to say.

 

That is completely true and I need to keep it in mind. I have a really great life and I wouldn't switch places with anyone. I was just surprised to find myself even capable of feeling those "why can I have long blond hair and a cute pert nose" feelings again after so many years.

[Linda in Oregon]

That is completely true and I need to keep it in mind. I have a really great life and I wouldn't switch places with anyone. I was just surprised to find myself even capable of feeling those "why can I have long blond hair and a cute pert nose" feelings again after so many years.

 

 

well, we are human, after all. I am completely capable of feeling like a 5 year old, 13 year old, 22 year old and so on, even though I'm almost 40.

 

I bet, though, that there is something incredibly beautiful about you. And you know, when I happen to see people who are always "put together" I sometimes wonder if they aren't desperately trying to show the world that they are "fine", that they are "ok", that nothing is ever wrong if they can look good, then that's all that matters. My priorities lie elsewhere. - sorry, I think this may have brought up a little bit of stuff for me.

 

hugs to you,

[Ohio12]

I don't know. I do have some okay clothes, but I end up not having things that go together well, so maybe I just need some help with that. Part of it is that I conserve mental energy by not investing a lot of time into those things. If you wear the same thing everyday, you don't have to think about it:) I did great a great haircut recently, and I wear makeup and try to look nice. I'm not sure what the problem is with the clothes.

 

I hear ya. I decided that I wanted to look better clothes wise and I am trying ...but even if $$ wasn't an issue (it is a little bit)... I always think something looks like I am trying too hard or it doesn't look like "me", or it makes me look chunky. It does take mental energy. I do battle this too, but I don't want to look dumpy because my mom looked really dumpy when I was a kid and it embarrassed me. I do think if your hair and make up are good, that goes a loooong way.

[mooooom]

My mom has it. She takes me shopping twice a year, and tells me what to try on and what to take home. If I go into a store by myself, I can buy jeans and tshirts and that's about it. Even when she buys for me, I still have trouble getting myself dressed for work. Lately my dd (13) has been picking out my next day's clothes for me. I'm looking a lot more put together than I used to.

 

Kinda like the direction gene - you know where if you manage to get somewhere, you instinctively know which way to turn to get home again. I don't have that one either.

[JennifersLost]

I'm trying to come to grips with this in two ways: one, learning to be content with who I am and how I look. Two, learning to ask for help. I don't really "see" things like clothes and makeup on myself very well. I don't have that gene either, I guess, so I'm going to start asking my friends if they'll come with me sometimes to shop.

 

I was laughing at myself the other day because as a teen I read all the same magazines the other teenage girls did. And somehow I was never able to translate any of that into purchasing the 'right' clothes or makeup. I'm not sure I even understood that they were supposed to be a blueprint to go by, LOL. They just baffled me.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You know what is really funny? My dh has the clothes shopping gene in our family. If I go shopping with him (which is very rarely because of lack of money and time when we're both off) he can find just the right clothes for me. He has wonderful clothes for himself and looks so put together. Me- not so much!

[lionfamily1999]

I can't look put together. I just can't. I don't know if it's my figure (absurdly hourglass, IYKWIM), or just some wierd genetic abnormality, but I never look put together.

 

I completely feel your pain. My New Year's Resolution was to put forth an effort to look nice. It's only served to remind me that, regardless of the amount of styling products, my hair will do whatever it feels compelled to do, regardless of the type of makeup, my skin will suck it in and it will disappear, regardless of who dresses me, I will always look like I just rolled out of bed. Sigh.

 

Wow, that was totally depressing, lol, sorry.

[LBC]

This reminds me of when my dc were at a private school for a year. Most of the moms were driving their fancy SUVs, and had great boots, great jackets, great outfits all around. The school also had a program for homeschoolers to attend one day a week. I remember bumping into a friend of mine in the parking lot one day, and he commented about how it was easy to tell the difference between the homeschoolers and the non homeschoolers. When I asked him what he was noticing, he said that it was their hair. I laughed out loud. It was so true. Many of the school moms always had such great hair styles. I would often look at them and wonder how much time and money they spent on the cuts and colors.

 

Anyhoo... I know this doesn't help, but it's a story that makes me laugh, so maybe it will put a smile on your face, too.:)

 

Lori

[Rebecca in VA]

When my son went to private school (from 2000-2002), I would see gorgeous moms every morning and every afternoon in the car lines. The cars were luxurious, the moms thin and toned and **far more attractive than their own children**. I was running ragged from renovating and decorating two homes (at the same time) and having a younger child underfoot, and I didn't feel very glamorous. But you know, I never minded watching these moms from afar and hoping that some of their luster would rub off on me.

 

I currently see moms like these at ballet rehearsals and performances -- their daughters are ballet students. The moms are stunning.

 

The thing is, usually these women don't work full-time, or even part-time. They spend their days shopping, exercising, and chatting with their friends. They probably have a lot of plastic surgery.

 

One day, when my kids are grown, I'll have the time on my hands to do some of those things...but my life won't be as fun and interesting as it is now.

[Colleen]

Here's the solution to making yourself feel better, Dana: Go to a suburban mall. Hang out there, preferably in the food court area. People watch. Remember that we are all beautiful in God's eyes. Also remember that your sense of style far exceeds 99.6% of the people around you. Not that it matters. I'm just sayin'.;)

 

Another solution is to go around in running attire. I find that in my town of very tall, very Dutch women ~ my town that I'm pretty sure has more hair salons per capita than any other town in the world ~ wearing running clothes to, say, storytime at the library, soccer games, etc. relieves me of the innate tendency toward comparison. It's all good. I'm going running. Or I've been running. Or...I'm just wearing running clothes.:D

[flyingmommy]

I feel your pain as well. I was just noticing this while my daughters were at tennis practice yesterday. We have a new crop of kids this month. Unfortunately, with the new kids we have new moms. New, well-dressed, we attend the right church and the right private school, my husband is the new hospital administrator, we've just redone our house moms. Argh! I sit in the tennis shop while they're practicing and watch. Unfortunately, I also had to sit through an entire hour of these three women discussing home renovations. One of them actually said "I'm a paint snob. I am. I can admit what I'm a snob about and it's paint." What does that even mean? Does her paint need a six figure income? Does it have to come from the "right" store?

 

I'm pretty sure the vapid conversation has destroyed some of my brain cells. I'm going to have to invest in blinders and ear plugs.

 

At first, I started having that feeling of "they're dressed nicer than you are. Look at their nails. Look at their hair." But then, one of the other new moms (who isn't like them) came up to me and started talking and confided to me later that they made her feel uncomfortable. Apparently I didn't.

 

I decided I'd rather be approachable than immaculate.

 

jeannie

[happyWImom]

Okay, so you didn't feel so great at that moment, but overall, you're good, right? I mean, the UPS man must think I only have the one "outfit", and I'm not talking good outfit here!:lol::lol: And, sad to say, whenever he comes I tend to look like I've just crawled out of bed-unless he happens to come on a day when I've left the house. My point is, I used to be someone who was always "put together" perfect hair, perfect makeup, etc.. And I do care about how I look now, but I don't put all my energy into it-like I used to. I admit it-I was superficial then!:001_huh: But now, my priorities are different, so hey, if I leave the house with my slipper socks on-too bad!

 

Don't be so hard on yourself-I'm sure you're great.:grouphug:

[Mommyof4ks]

My mom has it. She takes me shopping twice a year, and tells me what to try on and what to take home. If I go into a store by myself, I can buy jeans and tshirts and that's about it. Even when she buys for me, I still have trouble getting myself dressed for work. Lately my dd (13) has been picking out my next day's clothes for me. I'm looking a lot more put together than I used to.

 

Kinda like the direction gene - you know where if you manage to get somewhere, you instinctively know which way to turn to get home again. I don't have that one either.

 

My long lost sister!!! I am missing both of those genes as well. My mother and sister are better at buying clothes for me than I am for myself, and I will turn the wrong direction and drive for a while before discovering my mistake *sigh*.

[Stacia]

I used to have the 'put together' gene. I really did. Once I had kids, it vanished for awhile, though I'm desperately trying to pull it back out into regular use again.

 

Uh, of course, yesterday I started the day by using my lip liner on my eyes & didn't realize it until I was done. :tongue_smilie:

 

At least I still have the 'finding directions' gene. Even if I look too bad, I can always find my way back home. :lol:

[Stacia]

I'm pretty sure the vapid conversation has destroyed some of my brain cells. I'm going to have to invest in blinders and ear plugs.

 

This had me rolling on the floor. :lol:

[flyingmommy]

Glad I could give you a chuckle!

 

Jeannie

[Garga]

I like to look nice. I live in a small town (lots of farms and cows) and the lady who does hair (from her house, with the big smelly dogs in the same room as the "salon") finally had had enough with my ugly hair, so she just started cutting it and it finally looks great (after 35 years of truly hideous hair.)

 

So, you can always ask a salon person to give you a hair-make over if you don't like your hair. Apparently, hair people love doing that. They don't charge extra. They just start snipping away. (And mine couldn't have looked any worse!)

 

I don't have many clothes, but I think I look nice in the ones I do. I got most of them from Goodwill or Value City.

 

It took me awhile to finally figured out what looks good on me, but once I did, I just keep getting the same sort of stuff over and over.

 

Every single day I either wear my one pair of jeans or my one pair of brown pants with a button down shirt over a turtleneck. If it's cold, I found two jackets that nips in at the waist and camouflage my dumpy tummy.

 

The key was finding pants that are straight leg (if they taper, that's the kiss of death) that fit in the butt area, and finding button down shirts and jackets that nip in the waist. The collar on a V-neck goes a long way to taking attention away from a flabby chin.

 

That's it.

 

So, if you want to look "nice" you can. You might not be as polished as some, but you don't have to look dumpy. You can look nice, but still be pretty cheap about it with minimal effort.

 

I mean, once I figured out about the turtlenecks and button down shirts, there are lots of those at Goodwill. You just have to try on a billion of them to find the ones that you look good in. In one afternoon for under $30, I got all the turtlenecks, button down shirts and a jacket that I'll need for over a year. Some of the button downs are short sleeve, to be worn in the summer w/o the turtlenecks. I'm all set!

 

Oh, and instead of wearing chapstick, I wear a very neutral color of lipstick. I just smear it on like chapstick, so it takes no extra effort, but really makes me look better.

 

I hate looking in a mirror and feeling ugly. I think it's a normal human desire to be attractive to the other humans. We're very social creatures. Even animals groom themselves.

[elise1mds]

I decided I'd rather be approachable than immaculate.

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

I don't have the 'put together' gene, either. It's taken me more than 10 years to learn make-up and hair, and my nails are a lost cause altogether since I type every day. I'll never learn clothes. My DH can go to Walmart (or wherever) and pick out something wonderful for me that I get compliments on every time I wear it; if I go, it's jeans and something red or blue. I've tried watching the fashion shows on TV, and I just don't understand why someone has to get rid of a perfectly good dress and why someone with my exact body shape (poochy) looks good in it and I try a similar item on and look completely pregnant. Drives me nuts.

 

I missed the directions gene, too. I can get - and have gotten! - lost inside large buildings. Gah.

[Eleni]

My sisters are both those beautiful blonde pulled together women. And then there is me...with pink hair, and quirky fashion sense. Actually...when my hair was its natural color I felt rather inadequate and frumpy, but once I let go and decided to just be my quirky self....I feel far better. Although sometimes I feel like I stick out a bit. :tongue_smilie:

 

im in the camp of if you want to change, if you want to reinvent yourself...DO IT..and HAVE FUN!!! I try to reinvent myself every few months. Keeps life fun, and keeps people guessing. :lol:

[Cornerstone Classical]

I compare myself to those great looking ladies too. But it always makes me feel better when I think that all those clothes, jewelry, etc where more than likely put on a credit card(or atleast that's what I tell myself), and then I feel good because I have no credit cards, and I am totally out of debt, and what I do have is paid for and nobody owns me....;)

[Jackie in NE]

I feel your pain as well. I was just noticing this while my daughters were at tennis practice yesterday. We have a new crop of kids this month. Unfortunately, with the new kids we have new moms. New, well-dressed, we attend the right church and the right private school, my husband is the new hospital administrator, we've just redone our house moms. Argh! I sit in the tennis shop while they're practicing and watch. Unfortunately, I also had to sit through an entire hour of these three women discussing home renovations. One of them actually said "I'm a paint snob. I am. I can admit what I'm a snob about and it's paint." What does that even mean? Does her paint need a six figure income? Does it have to come from the "right" store?

 

I'm pretty sure the vapid conversation has destroyed some of my brain cells. I'm going to have to invest in blinders and ear plugs.

 

At first, I started having that feeling of "they're dressed nicer than you are. Look at their nails. Look at their hair." But then, one of the other new moms (who isn't like them) came up to me and started talking and confided to me later that they made her feel uncomfortable. Apparently I didn't.

 

I decided I'd rather be approachable than immaculate.

 

jeannie

 

But jeannie, you might "take the cake". (the hilarious cake)

 

OK, so there's this really "put together" Mom at swim practice that makes me feel, you know, dumpy. Like I have manure on my boots or something. (OK, sometimes I DO have manure on my boots!, but it's lambing season, so what's a girl to do?) Anyway, I am also apparently "approachable". People, and I mean complete strangers, tell me the most intimate details of their life. I guess they figure "hey, that girl has manure on her boots, she couldn't possibly know the same people I know. I think I'll tell her EVERYTHING!!" So, the really put together Mom confided in me tonight. Honestly, she's a sweet lady, but sometimes I think that all she can do is wear matching clothes. OK, I'll quit being catty, but come on WE CAN DECLINE LATIN NOUNS 8 WAYS FROM SUNDAY!!

 

Tonight we were talking about the creation at dinner. And I asked my dc "What did God say after He created you?" And my ds age 8 said "Man, I did a GOOD job! AND, I think THAT one (pointing to himself) is going to be a GREAT ball player!!

 

I don't know your religious persuasion, but I know God is saying that about YOU, too. (maybe minus the stuff about being a great ballplayer :001_smile:)

 

We are about so much more than clothes and makeup. It's good to look good. It's bettter to BE good, and to accomplish much.

 

:grouphug:, Jackie

[Garga]

I might get tomatoes thrown at me for pointing this out, but...

 

We all rant about how awful it is that women are judged by their looks (president's wives, actresses, etc), but this thread is showing a lot of negative judgment toward the women who look nice. They're all in debt and are airheads? So, do you really believe it's true that smart girls are all ugly and pretty girls are stupid? You have to look ugly on the outside to be beautiful on the inside? Wearing clothes that are pretty means you're shallow and vapid?

 

I don't see anything wrong with wanting to look nice. I stand firmly by my premise that as social creatures there's a desire in us to be attractive to one another. Not to the degree of having surgery and going to ridiculous measures to attain beauty...

 

...but it doesn't take much to wear clean clothes that fit and to smear on some lipstick. I'm not brainless because I like to wear earrings and a necklace from Wal-Mart.

 

Ok...I hope that doesn't sound mean. It isn't meant to be. I just find it strange that just because you have on nice boots that must mean you're shallow and stupid and in debt. (I got my boots for $10 at JCPenny's on sale with a coupon.)

 

I guess this thread is just showing a natural backlash against the pressure in our society to look like a model all the time. I get where you're coming from, but I also feel a little strange to hear that because someone dresses nice there must be something wrong with them.

[1bassoon]

That's interesting. . . . .

 

We attend a church that has a very posh private school. My dds also go to ballet there. At any rate, today I was walking down the hall behind one of the school moms - hair pulled back in a ponytail, cute bangly earrings, nice slim figure, in an attractive running/casual outfit (there ya go, Colleen!). And EVEN THOUGH I was actually dressed pretty nicely today, I thought,

 

"Gee, I'll just never look like her!" I had no idea others were in the same boat!

 

BUT -

 

When we first started attending here, I was intimidated by the Put-Togethers, since I'm not a Put-Together at all. (But my dh is, go figure!) Then I started to judge their character, without even knowing them. Wrong move - it took my attending a women's retreat, without the comfort of my homeschooling friends - to realize that these women were not all that different than I am. Well, except that they GOT the "put-together" gene ;)

 

That said, I do have to guard myself carefully - against just what you mentioned, Dustylizard. Thanks for the reminder.

[Tree House Academy]

So next time, wear jeans, socks that match, your hair down and a nice sweater. :) You don't HAVE to be "dumpy" clothing wise if you don't want to.

 

As for physical attractiveness, I think women are much too hard on themselves. Being blonde and having a pert nose wouldn't attract my husband at all. Everyone has their type and that is why we are all special and important. I always longed to have blonde hair, blue eyes, and change my name to Nicole. Then I realized that I am just who I am - brown hair, green eyes, named Rebecca and it just ain't half bad. I have a great husband, beautiful kids - and those blondes with pert noses are just nothing in comparison to that! :)

[Ann]

Wow! i don't have the put together gene also. I have no fashion sense at all. Somedays I am fine with that and others not so much. My sister has the gene as does DH. I am glad I am not alone.

[Hoggirl]

I might get tomatoes thrown at me for pointing this out, but...

 

We all rant about how awful it is that women are judged by their looks (president's wives, actresses, etc), but this thread is showing a lot of negative judgment toward the women who look nice. They're all in debt and are airheads? So, do you really believe it's true that smart girls are all ugly and pretty girls are stupid? You have to look ugly on the outside to be beautiful on the inside? Wearing clothes that are pretty means you're shallow and vapid?

 

I don't see anything wrong with wanting to look nice. I stand firmly by my premise that as social creatures there's a desire in us to be attractive to one another. Not to the degree of having surgery and going to ridiculous measures to attain beauty...

 

...but it doesn't take much to wear clean clothes that fit and to smear on some lipstick. I'm not brainless because I like to wear earrings and a necklace from Wal-Mart.

 

Ok...I hope that doesn't sound mean. It isn't meant to be. I just find it strange that just because you have on nice boots that must mean you're shallow and stupid and in debt. (I got my boots for $10 at JCPenny's on sale with a coupon.)

 

I guess this thread is just showing a natural backlash against the pressure in our society to look like a model all the time. I get where you're coming from, but I also feel a little strange to hear that because someone dresses nice there must be something wrong with them.

 

I find this post very insightful.

 

Now, *I* may get tomatoes thrown at me for this, but the reason that I try to look as put-together as I can (at least when I leave the house!:D) is that I believe it is a way to be honoring and respectful to my husband.

 

With that said, I think one should just do the best that one can with what one has. I have a GORGEOUS friend who always looks stunning. However, her kids are in school and she has LOTS of time to exercise, go to the beauty shop, etc. that I just don't have. I finally stopped comparing myself to her when (somewhere) I read/heard that comparison kills contentment. Oh, I am still a tad jealous of her :lol: , but no matter how much free time I had I couldn't grow longer legs! I think the killing of contentment with comparison is true whether we are talking about physical appearance, intellect, or homeschooling styles! It is the comparison that makes us feel "inadequate." And, I imagine that the put-together ladies are comparing themselves to those around them as well and that they are not really all that content themselves. It is hard not to compare. We live in a competitive society. I struggle with this. But, I am trying to work on it and not compare myself to others.

[2cents]

I used to feel that way when I had only one child in private school. Used to try to look really 'put together' Then I started homeschooling....added two more children....added 4 cats and then a big moose of a dog and decided it might be better to embrace my inner slob. Well...maybe not 'embrace' but try to get along with the inner slob. We reached a compromise. Now I dress for comfort but with a little more attention to what is in style (ok...more than a few seasons ago but I can't make miracles happen). I am reconciled to not having my nails and hair picture perfect or name brand purses that actually change with outfits. I have my own style and it makes me happy. It makes dh and the kids happy too so all is well and good. :001_smile:

[Danestress]

There is a lot of actual money in Charlotte, and I am not really inclined to think that the only way woman can dress beautifully is to go into debt. These women have kids at a private school that costs $14k a year per child. They are apparently paying the bills for that. And I am sure they are nice and intelligent, and I have no real negative feelings towards them at all. I just was commenting on how weird it is to be able to feel that junior high sense of inadequacy and lack of security just by returning to a junior high and sitting in the bleachers with a bunch of other Moms, none of whom wanted to make me feel inadequate:)

[Danestress]

I dreamed that I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in a wedding. However, I forgot to order the dress I was supposed to wear, and I was out shopping the day of the wedding for something in at least the same color scheme (gold!) that would look okay. I knew that whatever I bought wouldn't be "right" and I felt horrible for waiting until the last minute.

 

Good grief. Talk about insecurity!

[ereks mom]

And there are still really pretty girls that always look great, and I, though I really look fine, will never really be one of them. Bummer. And I realized that a little part of me still wants to be one of the princesses:)

 

:grouphug: I find myself feeling that way sometimes. And I'm 48yo, so middle school was 35 years ago!

[Desert Rat]

Oh, I feel like I'm back in junior high sometimes too. I do try to look presentable and put together when I'm going out in public though. I don't have "outfits" or the newest boots, but I try to have on a nice pair of jeans or pants and a cute top. I do have my tennies on most of the time though. I wear a few pieces of jewelry and usually a bit of makeup. Not a lot but an effort. It makes me feel less frumpy sitting next to the uber cool rich moms. Not to be snarky, but it also helps me to remember that they may look drop dead gorgeous but I still could beat most of them intellectually. :o) Please see the post above regarding paint snobs. LOL

[flyingmommy]

I agree. Thanks to you and to Dusty Lizard. This reminded me that I learned a lesson about judging by looks alone a few years ago. When my older dd was in ps, there was a mom there who was the absolute epitome of "put together" and I remember thinking that she had to be a snob because she wore nice expensive clothes, had immaculate grooming, and drove a very expensive car. Well, my youngest dd started pre-K and her class included the youngest son of this woman. Wow! I was in total shock the first time I actually spoke to her. She was the most down to earth, sweet, kind hearted person I have ever met. After several conversations with her, I finally did have the courage to apologize to her and explain that I had misjudged her and had found her to be a wonderful person in reality. I am ashamed to admit that my original opinion of her had come without ever having spoken a word to her.

 

Now, the ladies at tennis.....I have spoken to them. They answered my question and then shut me right back out of the conversation. It was a bit like having a door shut in my face. LOL

 

Jeannie

 

When we first started attending here, I was intimidated by the Put-Togethers, since I'm not a Put-Together at all. (But my dh is, go figure!) Then I started to judge their character, without even knowing them. Wrong move - it took my attending a women's retreat, without the comfort of my homeschooling friends - to realize that these women were not all that different than I am. Well, except that they GOT the "put-together" gene ;)

 

That said, I do have to guard myself carefully - against just what you mentioned, Dustylizard. Thanks for the reminder.

[coralloyd]

I really like to look put together when I go out. I guess I see it as part of my artistic expression. I tend to be artistic in general. I do it all on a very tight buddget, but this makes it even more fun. My mom comes and ask me sometimes if something looks good or not, and I LOVE to help. I encourage my girls to express themselves through how they dress. As I grew up my mom only said I had to be modest. Believe me I have gone through a rainbow of styles, which has brought me to the style I have today. Some people dress a certain way to fit in, this is not the right reason. However, there are those like myself that find it to be an outward expression of who I am (my canvas). It is something I do for my self. Oh I guess my husband enjoys it also :D.

[SapphireStitch]

Wow! i don't have the put together gene also. I have no fashion sense at all. Somedays I am fine with that and others not so much.

 

 

Me, too, and I'm comforted to see I'm not alone. My daughter has the fashion/put-together gene, she inherited it from my husband's side of the family.

 

MIL will fly to visit us with two teeny tiny suitcases, and the first thing she does is unpack and show me the outfits she brought with her. "This jacket can go with these pants or with this skirt; I'll wear that when we go to church. And I brought this ruffled blouse to dress up these pants when we go out to lunch, but if we go out at dinner time instead I'll wear these other pants." I just sit there and nod and make approving noises, because I am in no way capable of distinguishing the minor nuances between an outfit that one wears to church vs. an outfit one wears to eat out at night vs. an outfit to eat out at lunch.

 

This has nothing to do with money, either. My SIL lives on air and good intentions and she can also pull together a perfect outfit for any occasion out of nowhere.

 

I can usually buy one outfit where all the components go together. What I can't do is buy "investment pieces" and "accessories" and "this year's jacket" and combine them into anything decent. Garanimals for me, people. :tongue_smilie:

[SapphireStitch]

Another thought...for me, some of this has to do with a plain old physical sense of not being comfortable. I think I might have a hyperactive sensory awareness or somesuch.

 

I've noticed that my son does a lot of twitching and fidgeting when he wears anything other than his absolutely most comfortable clothes. I'm the same way. If my bra straps do not cooperate 100% and stay exactly where they are supposed to, I am constantly aware of them and fighting the desire to hitch them up in public.

 

My seams poke me, even natural fibers make me itch, waistbands ride up or down by millimeters and I can feel it. If anything I have on is a little too warm or too cool for the weather I notice it right away and it bugs me a lot.

 

We had a discussion about this in the car the other day on the way to church. DD had selected church outfits for the whole family and had ironed them and told us what to wear. (She likes to coordinate us.) She and DH were calm, cool, collected and looking good. DS and I were fidgeting and DS had managed to get his shirt completely untucked and wrinkled in the time it took him to get from the house to the car.

 

I asked all of them how their clothes made them feel, and discovered that DH and DD never feel uncomfortable in their clothes. Both of them looked at me incredulously and said "Why would you buy clothes that make you uncomfortable?" Meanwhile DS and I both figured out that we are capable of being uncomfortable in anything, and that neither one of us had ever owned clothes that were always comfortable.