Courtship

[The Girls' Mom]

Out of curiosity...

 

Does anyone plan on going this route with their children? Or HAVE gone this route themselves? Do you attend a church that supports it?

[Beth in Central TX]

Yes, we are encouraging courtship, or some modified form, for our boys. We are definitely discouraging any casual dating. As my oldest son ages, and his friends now have girlfriends, this topic is coming up more and more. So far, he has been very open and acceptable to the courtship process.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Our religion still calls it dating, however:

 

1) kids don't do it (one is an adult, preferably "past the bloom of youth")

2) NO man and woman not married to one another are EVER alone (for example, if an elder is willing to take me to a doctor appt, my daughter or his wife or someone would have to go with us)

3) physical purity (though degrees vary) must be maintained (some would be okay with hugs, handholding, arm around one another, etc; some would not).

4) young adults are encouraged to consider their maturity (emotional, spiritual, etc) carefully and honestly

5) young adults "date" in view of marriage. It is problematic/unscriptural to break hearts and to get multiple broken hearts.

 

I'm probably missing something, but this is how we believe.

[Deanna in TN]

Here is a great story about 2 people I know who chose to wait on God to provide their mate.

 

www.warnershepherdwedding.com

[Aggie]

Yes, we are.

 

We talk with dc pretty much along the lines of what Pam said. We don't believe (right now, anyway! :001_smile:) that many people are ready for marriage before they're out of college. I've read that the brain is not fully developed until a person is in their early 20's, so major life decisions, which can't be undone, really don't need to be made before then, imo.

 

For our family, we're not planning on any courtship while they're in high school. We don't want them considering marriage at that age, and they can still fall in love that young.

 

We want them to protect their hearts. :001_smile:

[ereks mom]

...has ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend. We've never set any "courtship rules"; we've just encouraged ER & EK to focus on becoming spiritually mature before entering into romantic relationships.

 

Throughout high school, ER was interested in a couple of girls, and he developed friendships with them. After age 15 or 16, he occasionally went out to eat or to the movies with one or the other of them, but never considered it a "date". They were friends who enjoyed each other's company and did things together. Now that he is in college, he is developing similar relationships. He does have one very special "girl_friend" (not a "girlfriend"), but he says that he believes that God wants him to wait awhile before becoming romantically involved with a young lady.

 

EK does not have a boyfriend, and does not WANT one. That is very unusual these days (around here, anyway) for girls her age (will be 15 this year). It's not that she doesn't like boys -- she is definitely interested in them! -- but she knows that she isn't emotionally or spiritually ready for a relationship like that. She gets annoyed with her girlfriends who think that they have to have boyfriends, or who are boy crazy and constantly talk about how "hot" certain boys are. Several boys have been interested in her (she is very attractive ;)), but she lets it be known that she does not date.

Edited January 23, 2009 by ereks mom

[PiCO]

Out of curiosity...

 

Does anyone plan on going this route with their children? Or HAVE gone this route themselves? Do you attend a church that supports it?

 

I plan on this route for my dds (and I'm an atheist.)

 

I'm instilling in them that there is no point to dating unless you are looking for a spouse. Just go out with groups of friends and have fun socializing with a variety of boys and girls. Get to know people.

 

Never be alone with someone of the opposite sex- too much possible temptation. So far the girls are on board, we'll see when the hormonal urges get stronger.

[ChristusG]

Could someone explain to me exactly what courtship is? I think I know but I want to make sure I understand it. After seeing all the things that my parents are letting my 15 year old sister go through with boyfriends/breaking up/PDA....I want something different for my girls. I have a while yet since they are only 4 and 1 years old though. But I want to talk to my husband about it so we will be prepared one day.

[Jennifer in NH]

I don't really have too much to add, except...I don't even want to think about that aspect of parenting yet! Of course my oldest is just 8.

We will probably lean toward a form of courtship...probably a reaction, maybe even an over reaction to the way I was raised, but so be it....

One of the biggest reasons we homeschool is so our kids don't get "sexualized" so darn early.....

[Peek a Boo]

another "yeah we're planning on some form of courtship."

 

but i gotta run so I'll let others share more ;)

[clarkacademy]

Please correct me anytime I am wrong here goes.

Courting and dating are different the way I am reading this anyway.

If you are courting it is with the intention of marriage.

You are basically saying that courting is like going steady I guess?

It is not acceptable to court or date another.

OK this sounds good but what would happen if say during the courting thing one of the persons involved realizes this is not working? I ask this because of a friend I grew up with so many years ago this is the way it was and she had one boyfriend or courtship whatever, anyways they had been lifelong friends etc. Families were all friends they were born a day apart. As teens they became that real courting couple type during this time she saw a whole new side of him. Very aggressive, controlling that sort of thing. Her family would not hear of a breakup. She married him when she was 18 because she had too I guess. I went back for a visit years later I was about 24 25 maybe and she was absolutely miserable. I just never understood and needless to say I lost touch with her a long long time ago. I always felt so bad for her.

[The Girls' Mom]

Could someone explain to me exactly what courtship is? I think I know but I want to make sure I understand it. After seeing all the things that my parents are letting my 15 year old sister go through with boyfriends/breaking up/PDA....I want something different for my girls. I have a while yet since they are only 4 and 1 years old though. But I want to talk to my husband about it so we will be prepared one day.

 

To me courtship is this:

 

A child/teen/young adult does not date. They do not go out with members of the opposite sex, alone, for any reason, friends or not. When the young man comes to the point that he is ready and responsible enough for marriage, and becomes interested in a young lady, he asks her parents for permission to 'court' her. Then they, and their families get to know one another in supervised settings. No kissing, making out, etc. They save all the physical contact for after marriage.

[The Girls' Mom]

Please correct me anytime I am wrong here goes.

Courting and dating are different the way I am reading this anyway.

If you are courting it is with the intention of marriage.

You are basically saying that courting is like going steady I guess?

It is not acceptable to court or date another.

OK this sounds good but what would happen if say during the courting thing one of the persons involved realizes this is not working? I ask this because of a friend I grew up with so many years ago this is the way it was and she had one boyfriend or courtship whatever, anyways they had been lifelong friends etc. Families were all friends they were born a day apart. As teens they became that real courting couple type during this time she saw a whole new side of him. Very aggressive, controlling that sort of thing. Her family would not hear of a breakup. She married him when she was 18 because she had too I guess. I went back for a visit years later I was about 24 25 maybe and she was absolutely miserable. I just never understood and needless to say I lost touch with her a long long time ago. I always felt so bad for her.

 

That's so sad. In my eyes the courtship period is there specifically to avoid that sort of thing. If the parents or the girl find out that the couple shouldn't be together, for whatever reason, then the courtship is ended. And in the end the purity of both the young man and young woman is still intact.

[Pamela H in Texas]

OK this sounds good but what would happen if say during the courting thing one of the persons involved realizes this is not working?

 

Courting is to see if this is the case. You already know the person pretty well as do trusted adults. So everyone thinks it's okay (how wise of young people to trust their parents, elders, etc!). But if it just isn't, then you can't continue.

 

Yes, the idea of courting is so there aren't broken hearts, giving yourself FULLY to one person (eventually). However, once in awhile, there will be a hang up that just isn't avoidable and the couple would be wise to separate at that juncture rather than take it further to be connected with that person for life.

 

But I think situations like that are rare when everyone involved (young adults, the parents, the congregation, etc) are HONEST with themselves and each other.

[Annie N]

Please correct me anytime I am wrong here goes.

Courting and dating are different the way I am reading this anyway.

If you are courting it is with the intention of marriage.

You are basically saying that courting is like going steady I guess?

It is not acceptable to court or date another.

OK this sounds good but what would happen if say during the courting thing one of the persons involved realizes this is not working? I ask this because of a friend I grew up with so many years ago this is the way it was and she had one boyfriend or courtship whatever, anyways they had been lifelong friends etc. Families were all friends they were born a day apart. As teens they became that real courting couple type during this time she saw a whole new side of him. Very aggressive, controlling that sort of thing. Her family would not hear of a breakup. She married him when she was 18 because she had too I guess. I went back for a visit years later I was about 24 25 maybe and she was absolutely miserable. I just never understood and needless to say I lost touch with her a long long time ago. I always felt so bad for her.

This is terrible, and to me is not at all what I think of as courtship.

 

We were "lucky" enough to see young teenage relatives go through really bad relationships and so I was able to start talking with my children really young about the current ideas of dating and our ideas of how getting married should be. The first point would be that dating nowadays seems to be more related to having a boy-/girl-friend and whatever that entails :( and courtship has as its goal a good strong life-long marriage.

 

What I have always encouraged my children to do is to avoid dating, an just hang out in large groups and get to know people on a friendly basis without romatic stuff going on. A lot of times you can get to know enough about what people value, how they treat others, etc., in this way, and then, when one is old enough to marry, you can sort of start considering people of the opposite sex in a more marriage-oriented way and perhaps getting to know them a little better, slowly. And so on. I have really trid to emphasize that sexual aspects will interfere with thinking straight, and they should avoid things like being alone with people, but that marriage is helped by some "spark," iykwim!

 

And to me, this is the terrible thing about what these parents did to their daughter: they did not let her get to know other young men on a friendly basis--it sounds like she was "going with" the one she eventually married all her life!

 

I also encourage my children to get to know someone they are thinking about in a lot of different areas, and to meet their families so as to see how all those interactions work out.

[MBH]

To me courtship is this:

 

A child/teen/young adult does not date. They do not go out with members of the opposite sex, alone, for any reason, friends or not. When the young man comes to the point that he is ready and responsible enough for marriage, and becomes interested in a young lady, he asks her parents for permission to 'court' her. Then they, and their families get to know one another in supervised settings. No kissing, making out, etc. They save all the physical contact for after marriage.

 

:iagree: We will be taking the above route with lots of prayer for the Lord's direction and guidance.

[Melissa in CA]

To me courtship is this:

 

A child/teen/young adult does not date. They do not go out with members of the opposite sex, alone, for any reason, friends or not. When the young man comes to the point that he is ready and responsible enough for marriage, and becomes interested in a young lady, he asks her parents for permission to 'court' her. Then they, and their families get to know one another in supervised settings. No kissing, making out, etc. They save all the physical contact for after marriage.

 

 

This is ideal, but not always practical. For example, my 18 yo is very interested in a young lady who lives about 45 minutes away. The only time they can see each other is when they are both not working and are in "town" (a city midway between our homes) and then they meet, go to the movies, bowling, etc. It is near impossible to get others to go with them as their friends work schedules vary, so they are alone on dates 9 out of 10 times. Sometimes she will drive out here and spend the day with us. They are never allowed to be at the house without a parent home. To tell our son that he cannot see this young lady (both are Christians) unless someone can be with them would be very difficult. They would RARELY get to see one another and this would completely exasperate my son. It's a difficult situation and quite frankly I don't know how to work it out except to just trust that those 18 years of parenting will be enough. :001_huh:

 

Our boys did not have dates, or girlfriends. Our rule was no dating/girlfriends until 18 years old, or high school graduation. Period. They had no problems with that rule at all...never once pushed it or questioned it. They felt it was wise to not date at a young age when they couldn't possibly contemplate marriage. So things went swimmingly well until now...and we are stumped on how best to proceed. So far we are in trust mode.

 

All that to say. Courtship & group dating is definitely IDEAL, but not always practical when your children have jobs and cars of their own. How do we tell our son, "No, you make not take your car that you paid for with your own money, on a date you are paying for with your own money." Except for sleeping in our home, both our older boys are very self-sufficent; they buy and pay for all their needs and wants.

 

This dating/courtship stuff is new territory for us. Where is the complete rule book for every situation?? :confused:

[HRAAB]

Yes, with our younger three girls, we will go the courtship route in some manner. This decision was made because of what we saw with allowing our oldest dd to date - and it wasn't even liberal dating. One parenting decision (of several) that we will be changing.

 

Janet

[Tracey in TX]

We plan to do traditional dating. Boy, girl, car. They probably won't be allowed to date until they're 16y/o. Even that isn't set in stone. I don't see anything wrong with giving one's heart and, yes, having it broken. It is part of life. Relationships don't always last forever. Friends come and go. Boy/girlfriends come and go. Spouses should be the constant in this equation, however.

[Nissi]

We plan to encourage our sons not to date. If you are a christian, here are some books that explain this idea -

" I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and " Boy meets Girl" by Joshua Harris.

[Mommy22alyns]

I plan on this route for my dds (and I'm an atheist.)

 

I'm instilling in them that there is no point to dating unless you are looking for a spouse. Just go out with groups of friends and have fun socializing with a variety of boys and girls. Get to know people.

 

Never be alone with someone of the opposite sex- too much possible temptation. So far the girls are on board, we'll see when the hormonal urges get stronger.

 

 

I would LOVE to hear more... I love the idea of courtship, but I'm not Christian. I was wondering if there was a way to implement it without the religious aspect - glad to know I'm not the only one!

[newbie]

I love the courtship "idea". Implementing as mentioned, will be tricky. Also, is courtship the same as fixed marriage. Or does dc pick and you go from there.

 

My dc have ideas of their own, they will pick who they like and not be coaxed or suggested to like anyone.

 

How do you guide them on the right path?

[Sandy in Indy]

We have encouraged our teens not to date, and they have seen some wonderful examples of relationships formed without the trauma and hurts of dating. We have not mandated non-dating; both of my teens have come to that decision on their own.

 

The book, Dating vs. Courtship, by Paul Jehle, gives Biblical reasons for choosing not to date.

[CookieMonster]

I chose a courtship type lifestyle for myself. It was more about the attitude of my heart than a list of rules. It was simply me walking out my beliefs.

 

I didn't do a Bible study on it, or read a book, or even get counseled to do things this way. Those things are great, and I like that they are helping people to look at dating from another perspective, but I just didn't have any of that. Courtship is certainly not a tennet of my denomination.

 

My reasoning seemed straightforward enough to me. I believed God created me. I believed God knew the beginning from the end. I believed God wanted me to ask Him about anything and everything I wanted to do with my life. I believed He had a plan for my life. I believed His choices for my life would always be better than mine. Where He led, I would follow.

 

Therefore, God already knew who I was supposed to marry. He knew, and I was confident He would let me know when I had met that someone. I didn't have to worry about somehow missing them, so long as I stayed close to the Lord. I didn't have to worry about shopping around. It was about simply trusting the Lord.

 

Also, I believed sex was a beautiful thing intended exclusively for marriage. I believed that many things other than intercourse itself qualify as fornication. I believed you shouldn't be trying to turn someone on - or get turned on by them - unless their name is on your marriage certificate.

 

Therefore I certainly wasn't going to put myself in situations where physical contact would go too far. Along those same lines, I thought it would be disrespectful for me to get deeply emotionally involved with someone I didn't think the Lord was leading me to marry. He would be married to someone else one day. I didn't feel it was right to get romantically entangled with someone else's husband.

 

I believed marriage was an honorable institution, worthy of respect. I believed God loved marriage and that He placed the desire for lifelong intimacy with another person in almost all of us.

 

Therefore I was confident that God wanted me to get married. (If He didn't I was confident He would take the overwhelming desire away.) If He did, then He would make it happen in His good time.

 

Furthermore, I believed marriage was a weighty decision with life-long implications for myself, my family, and my community.

 

Therefore I was not going to marry someone my parents did not approve of. I was going to listen to the multitude of godly counselors I had in my life with regard to any man I was interested in.

 

This also meant, for me, that my job up until I was lead to the person I should marry was to grow and mature. I didn't put my life on hold while I ran around looking, hoping, longing, and waiting for my future husband to be revealed to me. I continued to live life, to grow in the Word, to put aside more of the old man.

 

All these decisions of mine add up to what courtship often looks like. I didn't have specific rules about not going out alone with a man, but I can see why others do. There were no specific injunctions against kissing or hand-holding, but I can see why some choose these. I had my own "rules" that were borne out of my knowledge of my weaknesses.

 

And I'm so glad I did things the way I did. I will certainly encourage my children to do the same.

[MBH]

I love the courtship "idea". Implementing as mentioned, will be tricky. Also, is courtship the same as fixed marriage. Or does dc pick and you go from there.

 

My dc have ideas of their own, they will pick who they like and not be coaxed or suggested to like anyone.

 

How do you guide them on the right path?

 

Courtship and arranged marriage is not the same thing.

In an arranged marriage the young adult most likely does not have a say so in choosing his/her lifetime mate.

With courtship, in a Christian setting we have daily Bible study/prayer time to teach, ingrain, and encourage Godly character in our children. Through the years of Bible study and discussion, prayerfully we can point out to our children, young adults who love the Lord and want to live lives that please Him. We will not coerce our children to marry a certain person, but gently and prayerfully help them see who is a potential future spouse in a group setting.

Courtship encourages purity through group activity and fellowship. Dating encourages caving into temptation (due to one on one activity) and often results in unnecessary heartbreak. Also, I believe dating is the number one reason among many reasons, why so many are in unhappy marriages, seeking divorce, etc. There are many who secretly compare their current spouse to the old boyfriend/girlfriend. This unrealistic comparison/expectation alone can cause tension in a marriage.

I highly recommend the books that have been mentioned so far.

[CLHCO]

Courtship has such a wide variety of uses that I almost think it needs some subclasses to identify what type you're doing. Of course, so does "dating" anymore.

 

Our girls will court, but not in the way where the parents must prescreen each young man to make sure he has already achieved $x.xx by such and such age, has built a home, is a leader of Bible studies in the exact denomination, etc. I'd have never gotten married with those expectations. Ideal? Of course. But it's not always reality in today's society. There are some parents out there like that with girls in their mid to late 20s without a prospect in sight, who hardly know how to talk to young men because the patriarch father will not allow interaction with those who do not meet the standard.

 

Our girls are Christian and therefore will need to look at a kind, responsible, committed Christian within a faith that holds to the core doctrines they hold, but I don't really care how much water is in the baptism, or of the skirts are 3" below the knee, etc.

 

They are not comfortable around boys right now but I have every intention of stuffing them into *group* opportunities to meet young men when they get into late high school. I don't have any desire to have single young ladies living in my home for decades for no other reason than being afraid of boys. :tongue_smilie: Prior to that, I don't wish to awake feelings when they are not old enough to do anything about those feelings.

 

Ideally, I want them to never be alone where hormones may overrule their heads, but I admit I will treat my daughters like women when they get to be young adults and encourage, not command.

[Heather in Neverland]

To me courtship is this:

 

A child/teen/young adult does not date. They do not go out with members of the opposite sex, alone, for any reason, friends or not. When the young man comes to the point that he is ready and responsible enough for marriage, and becomes interested in a young lady, he asks her parents for permission to 'court' her. Then they, and their families get to know one another in supervised settings. No kissing, making out, etc. They save all the physical contact for after marriage.

 

Exactly what we plan to do as well.

[Pamela H in Texas]

All that to say. Courtship & group dating is definitely IDEAL, but not always practical when your children have jobs and cars of their own. How do we tell our son, "No, you make not take your car that you paid for with your own money, on a date you are paying for with your own money." Except for sleeping in our home, both our older boys are very self-sufficent; they buy and pay for all their needs and wants.

 

Oh, I agree. I think a parent COULD say, "if you're living in my house...." but for me, the rule will simply be that they may not remain in this house only if they willfully commit a gross sin. So sleeping with your boyfriend at 20 isn't allowed if you live in my house. But I won't micromanage young adults. They are welcome to stay here as long as they conduct themselves appropriately, even if not within my ideals. Disrespect, abuse, drugs, sex, etc will earn them a ticket to find their own place.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Also, is courtship the same as fixed marriage. Or does dc pick and you go from there.

 

The young people choose one another. The idea would be that:

 

1) the adults have helped them with values by which to choose wisely

2) the young people would seek the opinions of people close to them and the other person (for example, elders, parents, etc)

 

But courting is about the couple, not the adults involved. Adults are there for guidance and help as needed, not to butt into the relationship (I am sure there are a few parents who didn't stay far enough out of it though).

[Peek a Boo]

I would LOVE to hear more... I love the idea of courtship, but I'm not Christian. I was wondering if there was a way to implement it without the religious aspect - glad to know I'm not the only one!

 

I think so.

Even tho I'm a pretty conservative christian, I don't homeschool for religious reasons [even tho we have reaped the religious benefits]. We homeschool for *social* reasons. As such, our decision to impart/ encourage/ teach/ a courtship model is based on a similar philosophy. The fact that it also has a religious application is great too :D

 

In "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" he touches on a lot of practical reasons for following a courtship model vs a cultural dating method. You'd have to wade thru a ton of scripture, but if nothing else, just treat them like Really Good Sayings from a popular book ;) I haven't gotten around to reading other courtship books, but i'm guessing you could treat most of them the same way....

[mommaduck]

Please correct me anytime I am wrong here goes.

Courting and dating are different the way I am reading this anyway.

If you are courting it is with the intention of marriage.

You are basically saying that courting is like going steady I guess?

It is not acceptable to court or date another.

OK this sounds good but what would happen if say during the courting thing one of the persons involved realizes this is not working? I ask this because of a friend I grew up with so many years ago this is the way it was and she had one boyfriend or courtship whatever, anyways they had been lifelong friends etc. Families were all friends they were born a day apart. As teens they became that real courting couple type during this time she saw a whole new side of him. Very aggressive, controlling that sort of thing. Her family would not hear of a breakup. She married him when she was 18 because she had too I guess. I went back for a visit years later I was about 24 25 maybe and she was absolutely miserable. I just never understood and needless to say I lost touch with her a long long time ago. I always felt so bad for her.

 

Courtship is the time to find out what the other is made of. And if the parents would not hear of a break up with a person like this, then I have to say that either the parents weren't doing their job or they had ulterior motives to insist upon a marriage between these two (the "lifelong" friends and all). Just shows what the parents are made of.

[Peek a Boo]

Please correct me anytime I am wrong here goes.

Courting and dating are different the way I am reading this anyway.

If you are courting it is with the intention of marriage.

You are basically saying that courting is like going steady I guess?

It is not acceptable to court or date another.

OK this sounds good but what would happen if say during the courting thing one of the persons involved realizes this is not working? I ask this because of a friend I grew up with so many years ago this is the way it was and she had one boyfriend or courtship whatever, anyways they had been lifelong friends etc. Families were all friends they were born a day apart. As teens they became that real courting couple type during this time she saw a whole new side of him. Very aggressive, controlling that sort of thing. Her family would not hear of a breakup. She married him when she was 18 because she had too I guess. I went back for a visit years later I was about 24 25 maybe and she was absolutely miserable. I just never understood and needless to say I lost touch with her a long long time ago. I always felt so bad for her.

 

I wouldn't expect a "teen" to be courting, and if someone was aggressive and controlling then I would advise my dc that they DO need to back out. Courting is a way to really get to know someone a bit better, and it sounds like it worked in her case [the bad was revealed] but the family ignored it. The next thing would be whether this was a real courtship or just an "expected dating"thing --were they already sexually active because they were 'expected' to be married anyway? That can set a lot of aggressive tendencies and control issues into play. unfortunately you might never know.

 

I agree that courtship is not perfect. It is implemented by fallible people. I do think it offers a lot more opportunities for success than traditional dating tho.

[Melissa in CA]

Oh, I agree. I think a parent COULD say, "if you're living in my house...." but for me, the rule will simply be that they may not remain in this house only if they willfully commit a gross sin. So sleeping with your boyfriend at 20 isn't allowed if you live in my house. But I won't micromanage young adults. They are welcome to stay here as long as they conduct themselves appropriately, even if not within my ideals. Disrespect, abuse, drugs, sex, etc will earn them a ticket to find their own place.

 

Exactly! I don't want to micromanage my adult children, yet they do need guidelines and boundaries. I must say that it's really a difficult task to find that middle ground though.

 

Actually, we have used the, "if you're living in my house..." speech, but only in regards to curfew so far. They, both boys...and oldest will be 20 soon...have an 11:00pm curfew. The only time they can get that extended is if they ask, and we approve it. They honor this because they respect us and know I do not want to be up all hours of the night worrying about them. They also know that sex, drugs, etc. are sooo not allowed while they live under our roof (or want to live period!). So far, none of that has been an issue. Thank God! :lol:

[mia78]

I just wanted to comment on the comment about arranged marriages. I know it's a common misconception that the woman has no say so in who she marries, but that isn't always the case. I'm Muslim and I choose my husband. Muslims who force their daughters or sons into marriage are involved in sin as this is prohibited from the religion. Forced marriages are purely cultural in origin and have no foundation from the religion. I was 17 when I married my dh and have been married to him for almost 13 years. My guardian (father in my situation) was involved from start to finish and his involvement is mandatory or the marriage isn't valid. I talk to my young dds all the time about their future husbands. When they desire marriage, they should have me and dh's full support.

Edited January 21, 2009 by mia78

[Nakia]

I just wanted to say thanks for this thread. This is something that is always in the back of my mind, and I am enjoying reading everyone's thoughts.

[PiCO]

I would LOVE to hear more... I love the idea of courtship, but I'm not Christian. I was wondering if there was a way to implement it without the religious aspect - glad to know I'm not the only one!

 

I just wrote a big long post, and then pushed the wrong button and it disappeared.

 

Anyway, take Peek's advise. Collect infomation (all sources are Christian,) take what you like and leave the rest.