Please, for your children...

[choirfarm]

if you smoke, please stop now. My father has smoked since he was 18. When I was 5years old, I would flush his cigarretes down the toilet. (Boy, did I get in trouble.) I asked him repeatedly to stop. Whenever they had the no smoking unit at school, I would paste pictures on his mirror of what his lungs would look like. As I got older and went to college, I asked for him to stop smoking as a gift to me for Christmas. I wrote him letters told him I wanted him to be around for his grandchildren and to see me get married. Well, he made it but... after 40 years of smoking he had an accident and fell and broke his femur that never really healed. One side effect from smoking is osteoperosis and his is REALLY bad. He has tons of stress fractures in his back now. I have to take care of him. He is on oxygen 24 hours a day and cannot drive and is in a wheelchair most of the time. He gets out of breath just getting from the wheelchair into my car. His knee is killing him and I'm praying he doesn't have a crack in it. He got a chest x-ray yesterday and I think his lungs look worse and I think the spot on it is bigger, but we'll see what the pulmonoligist says. However, even if it is lung cancer, they really have no way to treat it. He cannot have surgery. His lung function is already 24 percent of normal as it is and I doubt he could handle chemo or radiation. So I am having to take care of him because he couldn't/wouldn't stop smoking all of those times i asked him to. So.. if you smoke. PLEASE give the gift of quitting to your children. PLEASE. Do you want them to have the burden of taking care of you like this?? PLEASE quit.. PLEASE.

 

Christine

[elegantlion]

(HUGS) for you and your dad.

 

I smoked before ds was born and quit. My dh is now on his final round of quitting. He has quit twice before and this time he is doing great. He is using the patch.

 

Thank you for the reminder of how important it is to stop. :grouphug:

[3lilreds in NC]

:grouphug: We don't smoke, but my grandparents did. I've seen firsthand some of the terrible side effects. I'm so sorry that your dad is in such bad shape. Bless you, bless you for taking care of him, even though it means you're living with the consequences of his choices.

[Jennifer in MI]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry.

 

My dad's dad smoked. He died of lung cancer. My dad now has bladder cancer, which is something that is usually only seen in smokers.

 

So, I agree with this plea.

[RebeccaS]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

My Dad's Dad also smoked and died far too young from lung cancer when I was 2 months old. I get to hear such wonderful stories of him and wish that I could have met him.

[shell in SC]

Choirfarm. . .my DD did something similar when she was old enough to realize that smoking was bad for you. She would take them out of the pack one at a time and snap them in the middle, but not completely in half just enough so that they were still together and looked normal. She'd put them back in the pack and I was none the wiser. I'd pull one out and it would be snapped, pull another out same thing. . .she was such a sneak. . .I laughed about it and still do. I have had to quit due to taking BCP and being over 35, but the downside is that now DD is 18 and smokes. I'm hoping she'll quit soon, her boyfriend is pressuring her to. I'm glad I did quit and I do feel better about myself. I miss it sometimes (when I'm stressed out) but for the most part I'm hanging in there. Thanks for sharing your story.

[Scarlett]

if you smoke, please stop now. My father has smoked since he was 18. When I was 5years old, I would flush his cigarretes down the toilet. (Boy, did I get in trouble.) I asked him repeatedly to stop. Whenever they had the no smoking unit at school, I would paste pictures on his mirror of what his lungs would look like. As I got older and went to college, I asked for him to stop smoking as a gift to me for Christmas. I wrote him letters told him I wanted him to be around for his grandchildren and to see me get married. Well, he made it but... after 40 years of smoking he had an accident and fell and broke his femur that never really healed. One side effect from smoking is osteoperosis and his is REALLY bad. He has tons of stress fractures in his back now. I have to take care of him. He is on oxygen 24 hours a day and cannot drive and is in a wheelchair most of the time. He gets out of breath just getting from the wheelchair into my car. His knee is killing him and I'm praying he doesn't have a crack in it. He got a chest x-ray yesterday and I think his lungs look worse and I think the spot on it is bigger, but we'll see what the pulmonoligist says. However, even if it is lung cancer, they really have no way to treat it. He cannot have surgery. His lung function is already 24 percent of normal as it is and I doubt he could handle chemo or radiation. So I am having to take care of him because he couldn't/wouldn't stop smoking all of those times i asked him to. So.. if you smoke. PLEASE give the gift of quitting to your children. PLEASE. Do you want them to have the burden of taking care of you like this?? PLEASE quit.. PLEASE.

 

Christine

 

:grouphug: My brother turned 39 yesterday. He quit in August and I hope it sticks this time.

[chiguirre]

So I am having to take care of him because he couldn't/wouldn't stop smoking all of those times i asked him to.

 

:grouphug:

 

I know it's hard to see a parent's health decline. But, really, if it weren't osteoporosis and diminished lung function from smoking, it would be something else. If you weren't angry about his smoking, you'd be angry because of all the cheeseburgers he ate or the chemicals he was exposed to, or....

 

I know it's hard to keep a loving attitude toward someone who needs so much care, but silently condemning your father for his choices will just make it harder to care for him. It will also make it harder for him to bear his ill health with equanimity if he suspects you blame him for his illness.

 

I hope you both can find some peace during the holiday season and enjoy the time you have left together. You'll have time to campaign against smoking later, but you won't always be able to show your father your love.

 

:grouphug:

[beansprouts]

I quite smoking when dh and I decided to start having children. I HATED IT! I hated the smell, I hated the taste, I hated the cough and sore throat, and I hated the stinky nasty cigarette butts. I don't know how many days I woke up deciding that "this is it", and then caving in my noon. Tobacco is an horrible addiction, and quitting was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I haven't smoked now in over ten years, and yet I know that if I smoked just one cigarette, I would be back to a pack a day inside of two weeks. You couldn't pay me enough to do that.

 

:grouphug: To you and your Dad. I thank God that he has you to care for him in spite of his mistakes. You are a blessing!

[Halftime Hope]

:grouphug:

If you weren't angry about his smoking, you'd be angry because of all the cheeseburgers he ate or the chemicals he was exposed to, or....

 

Wow, that's really harsh! You are assuming that the OP would be angry about other choices her father made!?? That's a big stretch!

 

You won't always be able to show your father your love. Here I agree with you, and I appreciate your keeping that thought. Some days, as I cared for my FIL, that reminder helped me keep things in perspective and be the caregiver we *both* wanted and needed me to be.

 

:grouphug:

 

To the OP, hang in there sweetie! The biggest bonus on this is that your children, and mine, will *never* smoke, b/c they've seen the horror it causes. You will find strength day by day, even hour by hour. I think God has a very special form of grace he extends to caregivers. I pray that you would find that, and that you would have a good friend or someone else who could provide a respite for you every now and then! Bless you!

[charlotteb]

Unfortunately, I know where you're coming from. My mom smoked 3 packs a day for years. When I was 21 and she was 49, she died of lung cancer. That's way too young to die.

[Heather in Neverland]

:grouphug:

 

My dh's parents smoked the whole time he was growing up. They finally quit and 7 years AFTER quitting his mom got lung cancer and died. :( My grandfather died of cancer from smoking too. And right now my brother smokes and so does my best friend. I worry about them all the time. And I worry about my dh because even though he has NEVER touched a cigarette, he was exposed to second hand smoke for 15 years.

 

I know the addiction is hard to break but so is living without the person who wouldn't quit.

[Scarlett]

:grouphug:

 

I know it's hard to see a parent's health decline. But, really, if it weren't osteoporosis and diminished lung function from smoking, it would be something else. If you weren't angry about his smoking, you'd be angry because of all the cheeseburgers he ate or the chemicals he was exposed to, or....

 

I know it's hard to keep a loving attitude toward someone who needs so much care, but silently condemning your father for his choices will just make it harder to care for him. It will also make it harder for him to bear his ill health with equanimity if he suspects you blame him for his illness.

 

I hope you both can find some peace during the holiday season and enjoy the time you have left together. You'll have time to campaign against smoking later, but you won't always be able to show your father your love.

 

:grouphug:

 

Ouch. I disagree....I think the OP is doing a fine job of caring for her father and showing him love. She is heartbroken over the outcome of his very very poor life choice. A choice that causes her suffering in every possible way.

 

I doubt seriously she is saying to HIM what she put in her venting post to us.

[choirfarm]

Why would I be mad at him for eating cheeseburgers???:confused: I really don't understand.

Edited December 18, 2008 by choirfarm

[chiguirre]

Why would I be mad at him for eating cheeseburgers???:confused: I really don't understand.

 

I meant that we have to die of something. If your father had heart disease, his diet would be haunting him. If he had liver failure, he'd regret every drink of alcohol. There's not really many pleasant ways for our health to fail.

[choirfarm]

But he is an invalid at 65 as opposed to my grandmothers and great-grandmothers who were in their early 90's and still living by themselves in good health and sound mind. Smoking is a way to guarantee an early death/disablility. I know we can't help many things, but why smoke and guarantee this outcome.

[OH_Homeschooler]

Just wanted to post to say thank you for this! My siblings and I used to use those tactics on our parents all the time to try to get them to quit. My dad died of cancer, and my mom currently has a lot of health issues and only recently seems to have actually kicked the habit. I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Jen500]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I'm sorry you and your family are dealing with this. I know it can be VERY hard for many people to stop smoking. And many older people began smoking years ago, before it was really known that smoking causes lung damage.

[Tracey in TX]

:grouphug: Smoking is so awful for a person's body.

My dad died of lung cancer, as did his dad, two sisters and a brother. They all smoked. My mom still loves to smoke. It's more enjoyable than life, I suppose.

Like you, I begged them to stop. Hid cigarettes in freezer, flushed down toilet, dumped in garbage can. LOL Only made my parents more determined to hide their stash where good-meaning children wouldn't interfere.

My children know the likelihood of developing lung cancer or emphysema (DH's family) given their family history is great. So they're anti-smoking to the point of being obnoxious. I pray our parents' legacy will, at a minimum, teach our own children to avoid the toxic temptation at all cost.

[Tracey in TX]

I meant that we have to die of something. If your father had heart disease, his diet would be haunting him. If he had liver failure, he'd regret every drink of alcohol. There's not really many pleasant ways for our health to fail.

 

Cheeseburgers and alcohol don't kill bystanders. Secondhand smoke can permanently damage other people's lungs.

[MBH]

Christine,

 

God bless you for taking care of your father. Please feel free to come here and vent anytime.

 

The other lady had harsh words. You need encouragement. I know what it's like to care for your ill/dieing loved ones with a busy schedule.

 

I will be praying that the Lord would give you the grace to do your best in caring for your father.

 

Thank you so much for posting.

[Tree House Academy]

Gosh, that brings back memories. My grandmother smoked - would blow it near my face and tell me "smoke follows beauty." :( We knew no better. Now, I have asthma. Thanks grandma! She also got very sick in her later years as a result of smoking. She never had lung cancer, but she died at the age of 71 from a blood clot after being in the hospital for pneumonia. She smoked until the day she died. She had emphysema and could not walk from the couch to the chair (3 feet) without struggling for breath.

 

(((HUGS))) to you. I am sorry about your dad. I agree 100%. I smoked as a teenager (obviously didn't learn from my grandmother). When I had a feeling a was pregnant with oldest ds, I quit and never started back. Thank God! Knowing what we do today about smoking and what it can do to both the smoker and THOSE AROUND him/her, I would NEVER do that to my kids.

[Tree House Academy]

Cheeseburgers and alcohol don't kill bystanders. Secondhand smoke can permanently damage other people's lungs.

 

Unfortunately, this is true. :( My best friend just found out that her step-grandfather (the only one she has ever known) was diagnosed with advanced stage lung cancer. He never put a cigarette to his lips in his life, but he lived with his wife (bf's grandma) for over 20 years. She is now living with the knowledge that her choice is killing her husband. It is SO heartbreaking. :(

[beansprouts]

Wow...

 

Just wow.

 

:grouphug:Choirfam:grouphug:

[Apiphobic]

:grouphug:

 

I know it's hard to see a parent's health decline. But, really, if it weren't osteoporosis and diminished lung function from smoking, it would be something else. If you weren't angry about his smoking, you'd be angry because of all the cheeseburgers he ate or the chemicals he was exposed to, or....

 

I know it's hard to keep a loving attitude toward someone who needs so much care, but silently condemning your father for his choices will just make it harder to care for him. It will also make it harder for him to bear his ill health with equanimity if he suspects you blame him for his illness.

 

I hope you both can find some peace during the holiday season and enjoy the time you have left together. You'll have time to campaign against smoking later, but you won't always be able to show your father your love.

 

:grouphug:

 

I understand what you're trying to say, and I think you have a valid point. Unfortunately, this is a very touchy subject, so the responses are going to be very emotional.

[Laurie]

:grouphug:

 

I hope you both can find some peace during the holiday season and enjoy the time you have left together. You'll have time to campaign against smoking later, but you won't always be able to show your father your love.

 

:

 

I've walked in her shoes. She has a right to her feelings and to express them. Smoking is destructive behavior that can lead to some serious health consequences...and not just for the smoker. It's also a very selfish behavior because the rest of the family is expected to care for the smoker because it's the right thing to do. Well, love is a two-way street...if someone chooses to smoke he/she ought to consider the impact this could have on his/her loved ones. And the same goes for people who choose to gorge themselves on cheeseburgers, abuse alcohol, etc. If you're going to trash your body you ought to consider the impact on your family as well and make a loving choice for the sake of your family instead of selfishly indulging in the food/drink/smokefest.

[choirfarm]

Well, the only good thing about this, I suppose, is that my children will never, ever smoke because they see what it has done. We were once watching one of the new Star Wars movies, the one with that weird General Grevious(sp??) that weird robotic character that coughs a lot. My middle son said, "He must have smoked." I almost choked on my popcorn.

 

Christine

[HRAAB]

I think it was brave of you to write what you did. It's a warning that needs to be heard. Bless you for the care and love you are showing your father.

 

My dh and I have never smoked. My dh's parents never smoked. My dad smoke off and on - would quit for several years and then start again - never heavy. He died at 80 of complication from sepsis. My mother never smoked. My dh and I detest smoking: the smell, the cigarette butts, everything. Our children have seen through other people what smoking can do to your health.

 

And what does our college age dd do? Start smoking! :mad::angry::mad: Most of her friends smoke! What the heck is up with this? I feel as though I see more and more young people smoking than I used to, say 5 to 10 years ago. Maybe I'm wrong. Her dad and I are just appalled. I'm going to have her read your post.

 

Janet

[Zelda]

I quite smoking when dh and I decided to start having children. I HATED IT! I hated the smell, I hated the taste, I hated the cough and sore throat, and I hated the stinky nasty cigarette butts. I don't know how many days I woke up deciding that "this is it", and then caving in my noon. Tobacco is an horrible addiction, and quitting was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I haven't smoked now in over ten years, and yet I know that if I smoked just one cigarette, I would be back to a pack a day inside of two weeks. You couldn't pay me enough to do that.

 

 

 

I could have written that. Quitting is tough. Sorry for your grief. :grouphug:

[Joanne]

Cheeseburgers and alcohol don't kill bystanders. Secondhand smoke can permanently damage other people's lungs.

 

Actually, excess in any area can harm others. Indeed, with alcohol, the effects on family are numerous.

 

But he is an invalid at 65 as opposed to my grandmothers and great-grandmothers who were in their early 90's and still living by themselves in good health and sound mind. Smoking is a way to guarantee an early death/disablility. I know we can't help many things, but why smoke and guarantee this outcome.

 

This is not true. Statistically, millions of people smoke and live very long lives.

 

My mom died of lung cancer. I smoked up until 13 years ago (I'm almost 43). One of my jobs is in a bar (in an area not yet designated smoke free in restaurants and bars). I worry *every day* that I will die the way my mom did (although she was not young; she was in her 70's). I remember feeling *passionate* and *visceral* about her smoking when I was a child. The smell, the smell on my, our home, my clothes.

 

But smoking is not something he deliberately, willingly did to you. {{many hugs}} Aging parent issues are hard regardless of the specifics.