thanks

[Drama Llama]

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Edited January 23, 2023 by BandH

[Murphy101]

I confession is not a counseling session.

“I have lied x number of times.

I took the lords name in vain once.

I didn’t go to mass even though I could have twice.”

This is not only acceptable confession but actually preferred most of the time.

That aside even when a confession is more detailed - it’s unlikely the priest would have him do that for a venial sin. I assure you that your son is not the only child of divorce in the confessional.

Let the boy go to confession. You can pray while he is in there.  Ask no questions when he comes out, whether he be crying or laughing. Just keep praying until he is ready to leave. Maybe go have ice cream afterward. If he has something to say about it, he will bring it up on his own to you. 

It’ll be okay.

[Terabith]

But won't that reinforce that what he's done is a sin?  When what he's done is not a sin?  And when performing the likely penance "call Dad and apologize" would be dangerous/ against what mom has said?

[Heartstrings]

Can you meet with the priest before hand to discuss the situation? 

[Drama Llama]

.

Edited January 23, 2023 by BandH

[Not_a_Number]

Never mind, not a Catholic in any way, so let me just be quiet! (Just saw the title.) 

Edited January 21, 2023 by Not_a_Number

[fraidycat]

No ideas for you. Former Catholic, but former for a reason so my ideas would not be helpful. 

I just wanted to offer hugs.

 

[katilac]

28 minutes ago, BandH said:

My concern is that my kid will say, without any context, “I disobeyed my dad 3 times.” Or whatever, and the priest will say “you need to do what he says” and my kid will either do that (which would be very unsafe) or be won’t because he’s scared and then he wlll beat himself up emotionally.

Cradle Catholic in a Catholic area. I've never in my life heard of a priest doing such in confession, they just assign a penance and, The Lord has freed you from your sins. Go in peace. 

Or similar. 

[katilac]

 This is a pretty good description.

Like @Murphy101said, it's not a counseling session. Priest ain't got time for that, there's a line, lol 

@BandH, I wouldn't worry about it. If your son is Catholic and has gone to confession, he knows the gig. 

[ktgrok]

6 minutes ago, katilac said:

Cradle Catholic in a Catholic area. I've never in my life heard of a priest doing such in confession, they just assign a penance and, The Lord has freed you from your sins. Go in peace. 

Or similar. 

I've had them tell me to do specific things as penance, that would be along the lines the OP is worried about. 

OP, could you go to confession as well, and go before your son, and while with the priest explain the situation?

[Grace Hopper]

Is it possible to arrange for a FaceTime meeting with your regular priest for this confession? I haven’t been to Catholic confession in the high-tech age, but your extenuating circumstances might make this something to look into?

I feel so bad for your son. 

[ktgrok]

Could you make an appointment with your old priest? Or with one you know, and explain the situation ahead of time?

[katilac]

I don't think OP is Catholic?

Jumping through all those hoops just makes everything an even bigger deal. And makes me feel very uncomfortable, to be honest, because his sins or perceived sins are his, and they are private, and confession it not a group activity.

It's hardly unusual for a Catholic to go to confession. Maybe he's just having impure thoughts like all of the other teenagers. 

 

 

[Harriet Vane]

1 minute ago, katilac said:

I don't think OP is Catholic?

Jumping through all those hoops just makes everything an even bigger deal. And makes me feel very uncomfortable, to be honest, because his sins or perceived sins are his, and they are private, and confession it not a group activity.

It's hardly unusual for a Catholic to go to confession. Maybe he's just having impure thoughts like all of the other teenagers. 

 

 

All this is true, but it doesn't negate the fact that he lives in a unique situation with unique problems. If someone clueless speaks cluelessly, there is real harm that can happen. Confessing to someone who knows the unique situation--whether because they know the family or because BandH tells them the basics ahead of time while stipulating that she does not know what son's confession actually is and does not wish to interfere with God's movement in her son's heart--makes sense.  

[teachermom2834]

The priest really shouldn’t get into counseling but that doesn’t mean he won’t. I have heard penances like what OP is worried about and I would love to tell her not to worry because he won’t do that- I’m not positive he won’t say something like “do something nice for your dad today.” More likely he says “Pray a Hail Mary for your dad.” 

[Murphy101]

54 minutes ago, BandH said:

My concern is that my kid will say, without any context, “I disobeyed my dad 3 times.” Or whatever, and the priest will say “you need to do what he says” and my kid will either do that (which would be very unsafe) or be won’t because he’s scared and then he wlll beat himself up emotionally.

I find it exceptionally unlikely that will happen.  I hear your momma’s heart is scared for him.  That’s something for you to pray about.  And god knows there’s plenty of mommas in the same prayers with you.

He is 12 and seeking confession. Let him go and let God do the rest. You do not know what he will confess and you do not need to know for him to receive grace from it.

[Drama Llama]

.

Edited January 23, 2023 by BandH

[Lecka]

My take is just — he’s 12, and he’s also in counseling.  He is in a complicated situation but I don’t think this is such a young age, or that this is the only input he is getting.

He is allowed to be sympathetic to your husband and frame your husband in a sympathetic way.  He might do that.  He is allowed.  
 

I wish there was a way to cut through the difficult feelings for him but I don’t think that is possible.  
 

Edit:  I do think that it is too bad if it happens that way but I think he is old enough to grapple with this.  It would be coming from your son and not from the priest, in the way I look at it.  It is something going on with with your son.  You can’t keep it from being something that is going on with him.

I think you are doing a good job with your own parenting, extended family is sending good messages through their actions, and he is in therapy.  I think that is priceless.  
 

 

Edited January 22, 2023 by Lecka

[Drama Llama]

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Edited January 23, 2023 by BandH

[Drama Llama]

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Edited January 23, 2023 by BandH

[Drama Llama]

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Edited January 23, 2023 by BandH

[ktgrok]

28 minutes ago, BandH said:

My old church is across the street from DH’s house. 

hmm...is there a none time when DH isn't home? That you could schedule an appointment for?

[Lecka]

I guess I make an assumption that at his age, he can understand that if he presents something in a certain way, the answer will come back based on how he presented it.  
 

And if he is thinking that way, then that is how he is thinking, but I assume he knows he is presenting it a certain way that will influence the response he gets.

 

If I am off on the age on that or with him, I would see it differently and maybe try to go see the priest who knows the backstory.  

[Lecka]

Okay, I didn’t see it was across the street — so if that is out, then that is out.  
 

Then I do think — you could write a letter to the new priest?  You could call your old priest and ask him to speak to the new priest?

 

I think there are options to share this information.  
 

If you can’t share the information before, I think maybe one time wouldn’t be too bad?

 

If it’s a safety issue and you think your son might call and share a location — then regardless of why he might do it, maybe take away his phone.  If it is a safety issue and you think he might do it, I think you have grounds to prevent it from happening.  That is not ideal but if it’s at that level then nothing is ideal.  And you are protecting your son from doing something that would have a negative outcome, that he might feel guilty about later.  
 

Edit:  if that’s just not practical — I vote to what is practical for you and what makes sense for you.  I think if you think it’s a bad idea for him to go to confession until/unless you can feel like the priest will be saying appropriate things — then I think you should do that.  
 

Would it work for another person to take him to the previous priest?  Not sure if that would be an option.  
 

If the old priest was good for him — maybe he would meet your son somewhere to talk to him.  It might be a nice thing for your son, and a way to keep up something positive for him.  Maybe it wouldn’t work out but it also might work out.  

Edited January 22, 2023 by Lecka

[BusyMom5]

I would call the old Priest and explain.   Maybe he would agree to meet at another place or speak to another priest about the situation.    

I also want to say that I think its good that he feels bad for lying.  It shows he has good character.   The person putting him into a position is the one at fault, but its hard for kids to see the bigger picture.  

 

[JustEm]

Seeing this late but priests can certainly turn confession into a counselling session, especially with kids. What I'd do is ask to speak to the priest before hand and just give him a quick heads up and talk to him about your worries that any suggestion to talk to his dad might be bad because the dad isn't in a good mental state.

[Drama Llama]

.

 

Edited January 23, 2023 by BandH

[Jaybee]

I'm not Catholic, but I am not unfamiliar with religious influence. If I were in the position of the priest, I think having some background info would be very important in this situation. It could prevent him from saying something that, under normal circumstances, would be benign, but which in these, would be dangerous, or at the least, unhealthy for your son. Having a heads up, even if your son's confession has nothing to do with what you suspect, changes the perspective a lot.

[katilac]

3 hours ago, Harriet Vane said:

All this is true, but it doesn't negate the fact that he lives in a unique situation with unique problems.  

Complicated living situations and family relationships are not unique. Certainly not to a priest. 

2 hours ago, BandH said:

The link you describe above includes “counsel”.  In my experience telling some one to either stop doing the thing they just confessed, or to make amends, is common.  Maybe that’s just my priest?

That could happen. The priest will be responding to the information he is given, and may or may not pick up on undercurrents. But your son has been raised Catholic, he is not going to be surprised if he says, I lied, and the priest say, stop lying. 

Your son knows this is not a typical disobeyed-my-parents scenario. He's in counseling. You've had the conversations. He has received the sacrament of First Reconciliation. How he makes confession has to be up to him. 

2 hours ago, Lecka said:

My take is just — he’s 12, and he’s also in counseling.  He is in a complicated situation but I don’t think this is such a young age, or that this is the only input he is getting.

<snip> 

I wish there was a way to cut through the difficult feelings for him but I don’t think that is possible.  
 

You said what I was trying to say. 

1 hour ago, Lecka said:

I guess I make an assumption that at his age, he can understand that if he presents something in a certain way, the answer will come back based on how he presented it.   

And you did it again. 

4 minutes ago, BandH said:

He's 12.  He's incredibly torn between listening to me and listening to his Dad.  At the moment, I think he's come to the conclusion that me + judge outweighs dad and that he should listen to me because I have custody.  But I worry that he will phrase things (intentionally?  Subconsciously) in a way that the leads the priest to tell him to listen to his Dad, and that Dad + priest will outweigh me + judge.  

I think we just need to talk to a priest, before he talks alone.  We didn't go today, and most churches around here only have reconciliation on Saturdays before the vigil and then maybe on a weekday when he's at school, so we need to figure out another time to go.  

It's a safety issue, but he also needs a phone.  Dad's anger right now is focused on the fact that he is the one who called 911 when Dad broke the protective order.  He needs a phone in case that happens again.  

He is the target more frequently than me.  I'd be more comfortable with me going without him, than vice versa.  

He did not, in my opinion, lie.  His dad asked him a question, and he answered truthfully, but without information he knew I wouldn't want him to give.   When Dad found out the information later he got angry.  

It is good that he sees the church as the place to go when he's feeling torn or morally challenged.  

When you talk to ds, be open to the idea that he may not want to discuss what his sins are with you, and he may not want to meet with a priest beforehand, with or without you. He might just want to go to confession. If that's what he wants, he should be able to have it. 

 

[Harriet Vane]

4 minutes ago, katilac said:

Complicated living situations and family relationships are not unique. Certainly not to a priest. 

That could happen. The priest will be responding to the information he is given, and may or may not pick up on undercurrents. But your son has been raised Catholic, he is not going to be surprised if he says, I lied, and the priest say, stop lying. 

Your son knows this is not a typical disobeyed-my-parents scenario. He's in counseling. You've had the conversations. He has received the sacrament of First Reconciliation. How he makes confession has to be up to him. 

You said what I was trying to say. 

And you did it again. 

When you talk to ds, be open to the idea that he may not want to discuss what his sins are with you, and he may not want to meet with a priest beforehand, with or without you. He might just want to go to confession. If that's what he wants, he should be able to have it. 

 

Not trying to argue, but I'm kind of astounded that you do not think a priest would find it helpful to know there is a protective order against the father. We're talking about a vulnerable child who is in literal, physical danger. That's relevant information. While I can certainly agree that BandH should give her son freedom to practice his faith, it's essential that the person giving advice and exercising spiritual authority over a vulnerable child be aware of the protective order. 

[Drama Llama]

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Edited January 23, 2023 by BandH

[Harriet Vane]

On 1/21/2023 at 10:53 PM, BandH said:

 

This is the question every foster child faces. The fact is that there are parents who cannot be trusted and cannot be obeyed because they intend harm. I'm really sorry. In such a case, the question of honoring a parent includes the idea of not providing oneself (a child) as a metaphorical lamb to the slaughter (or in other words, a willing victim to the perpetration of abuse).

 

Edited to add--Especially since the Bible is clear that those who hurt children will draw God's wrath (better for a millstone to be hung around the neck...).

Edited January 23, 2023 by Harriet Vane

[teachermom2834]

I would call and make an appointment for confession. Confessions are generally at a specific time or “by appointment”. I would call and ask to make an appointment for a 12 yo child outside of the regular time. You could give a very vague heads up that there is a complicated family situation being worked out in court that this child is dealing with and that is background info the priest should have. That would be enough info for the priest to realize they don’t need to inject counsel and they can just give a straight penance. A priest can do everything he needs to do and he can do it compassionately without giving counsel if he knows to just stick to the script. I don’t think you need to have a big meeting or divulge a ton of info. I don’t even think most priests would want that. They tend to just want the facts they need and he doesn’t need all the details to hear this confession. 
 

I would not try to do this in the hour they offer before mass. That is rushed and just business and my priest in particular is all geared up before mass and that just wouldn’t be the time to pull him aside for an extra consult prior to the confession. I would call and make an appointment rather than just try to catch the priest and talk to him first. It would honor your ds privacy as well as it isn’t appropriate for him to see him mom prepping the priest for his confession. 
 

Would this guarantee that the priest doesn’t mess up? No, of course not. But it is probably the best you can do with your very imperfect circumstances. I agree with a lot of what Lecka and Katilac are saying but I also get your concern. But I do think you should let your ds go to confession and it will probably be ok. I understand that “probably” isn’t safe or good enough but your situation is very difficult. 

[Murphy101]

Just now, BandH said:

So, if he goes, and the priest says "you need to obey your father" and my kid comes back and says "priest says I need to obey Dad" how do I address that?  I can't just say "OK".  So, what would you say?

I’m not sure. Is he to NEVER obey his Dad? Honor thy mother and father is actually not about obedience - it’s about honoring. Even people we hate can be treat justly and with dignity.

I would tell son honestly that sometimes honoring the people we love is really hard.  Sometimes it looks like obeying.  Sometimes it is respectfully doing what we think is right.  Sometimes those two things seem at odds.

Although I’m not sure how you would know what the priest tells him unless one of them tell you. We should not ask about other people’s confessions, even spouse and children. 

Even if there’s some superficial spiritual counseling in the confession, I have not heard of a priest anywhere these days who has the time for counseling beyond exceedingly brief general platitudes in the confessional before mass. Most only have 1 hour tops to give confession to everyone that wants it, usually they have less than 30 minutes. And really saying they didn’t do something relatively common like didn’t call dad or lied about homework just isn’t usually going to garner much in depth exploring unless something sets the priestly radar off that the penitent is needing to say more.  

An option is to just find a church and make an appt. You could meet him first and discuss your family situation and just be frank that you aren’t Catholic but your son is asking for confession and you are willing but nervous about letting him do it.

I promise you sadly aren’t unique in this situation.

[katilac]

11 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said:

Not trying to argue, but I'm kind of astounded that you do not think a priest would find it helpful to know there is a protective order against the father. We're talking about a vulnerable child who is in literal, physical danger. That's relevant information. While I can certainly agree that BandH should give her son freedom to practice his faith, it's essential that the person giving advice and exercising spiritual authority over a vulnerable child be aware of the protective order. 

If her son wishes to provide the information, or have it provided, that's fine, but I do think he should be able to decide. 

He is not without other support or guidance in this. He is not going to be surprised if he confesses to lying, without giving any context, and the priest tells him not lie. 

And what he's going to confess is complete supposition. 

11 minutes ago, BandH said:

So, if he goes, and the priest says "you need to obey your father" and my kid comes back and says "priest says I need to obey Dad" how do I address that?  I can't just say "OK".  So, what would you say?

I would say whatever I've been saying to him all along, and tell him that the priest can obviously only respond to the information he's given. 

[SKL]

Can you talk to him in advance about giving the context if he decides to spill about not fulfilling all of his dad's requests?

Like:

"In case you are feeling guilty about your dad asking you to do things you can't do, even though that's not a sin, ... it's OK to tell the priest, but include the context about the divorce, custody, visitation rules, and anything else that made you decide to do or not do something Dad asked.  If it's easier to blame it on me, I don't mind, you can say your mom wouldn't let you.  I just don't want the priest to think you just simply decided to defy your dad, when that isn't true."

[Drama Llama]

.

Edited January 23, 2023 by BandH

[katilac]

1 minute ago, BandH said:

 I'm not sure why you think I'm not Catholic.  The church teaches that I'm Catholic.  I would think you'd agree with the church.  It seems weird that you keep insisting on it.  

She hasn't said that before, at least not in this thread. You might be thinking of my post; I said I thought you weren't Catholic. 

[Moonhawk]

I can understand your concern.

Every priest is different, and different days you're going to get more or less counsel-to-penance ratio even with the same priest.

Since your son is in therapy and knows why he "lied" in the first place, I doubt that a generic "try to tell the truth to your Dad next time" is going to erase all of those reasons and the working-out-strategies you/therapist have helped him with already.

If your son is taking a priest's advice of "try to honor your parents more" so literally after a confession that he immediately wants to call his Dad, he just might be looking for permission from someone (anyone) to do something he already wants to do. He might subconsciously craft his confession to elicit that response exactly just so he can put the burden onto the priest, or "blame" the priest later about having to do this thing. In which case, it doesn't really matter what the priest says or doesn't say.

Would you feel comfortable going to confession yourself, or to the confessional at least, to get a sense of the priest and how they dole out their penance/counsel? You don't even have to make a confession, just a brief explanation of what you're trying to figure out. (You've said that the Church teaches you're Catholic, but idk what that actually means in terms of if you are a practicing Catholic or how comfortable you are currently in the setting, and so I'm hesitating to offer this idea.) 

For what it's worth, a priest has never given me a penance that would make me take action to change something I've done (like apologize to someone, or go tell the truth about the missing cookie), they've always focused on doing better next time. 

editing to say my idea about going into the confessional is more based on an imagination you're just popping into the church during the regular confession schedule and don't know which priest will be there that day or there's multiple priests and so the only way you know which priest you're getting is by going in.To control for that instead, it's probably easier to just schedule an off-time for him as others have suggested.

Edited January 22, 2023 by Moonhawk

[Annie G]

For a young man who is grappling with this entire situation, a priest telling him to obey his dad or not lie to him might make him feel even worse in the long run. Because then he’s going to conclude he cannot lie/not obey either of you, because that’s what God wants. But he can’t do both if it interferes with the court order or his custodial parent’s desire to keep him safe.  So it puts him in a no win situation, and one that might make him fear that not only is he upsetting his parents, but also displeasing God. 
Totally understand that his confession is his own, and should be as independent from his parents as possible. But it does sound reasonable to ask the priest in advance how to handle the situation he’s been put in. 
It really stinks that it seems to be getting more complicated instead of settling down. 

[katilac]

15 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

Although I’m not sure how you would know what the priest tells him unless one of them tell you. We should not ask about other people’s confessions, even spouse and children. 

This is what I was taught as well. 

I'm lapsed, but I'm still taken aback at the idea of asking someone about their confession. 

8 minutes ago, BandH said:

I am imagining my kid coming home and saying "I need to call Dad.  Father so and so said so!  He told me to!"  

Or, I'm imagining him not telling me, and just calling.    

If the priest knows enough to realize that your son would have to call his dad, not just go home and talk to him, then he will have a bit of context. He will know the parents are divorced, and he will know that it's often complicated. 

Also, if he's not supposed to call his dad, he knows that doing so would be not only a failure to honor his parents, but also a failure to honor his duty to the court, and most likely a sin of omission (he may not lie to you about intending to call his dad, but he will be choosing not to tell the whole truth about something he knows is important). 

If a kid is that troubled about lying and disobedience, I don't see them doubling down after going to confession, but I'm certainly aware that both the priest and the kid could surprise us. 

 

[Grace Hopper]

Could you have a telephone conversation with the former priest and ask his advice? 
 

I truly understand the points others are making about the privacy of confession. But your son’s circumstances are really hard and unusual. 
 

Or maybe invite the previous priest over for dinner? Couldn’t a confession be heard anywhere? We used to have our parish priests over for dinner fairly often, and I remember them coming over to administer actual rites before my father had serious surgeries.  

Edited January 22, 2023 by Grace Hopper

[Murphy101]

11 hours ago, BandH said:

I am imagining my kid coming home and saying "I need to call Dad.  Father so and so said so!  He told me to!"  

Or, I'm imagining him not telling me, and just calling. 
 

okay. Idk all the details of your situation. Is your son not allowed to call his dad ever again? No judgement if that’s the case but if it is, then simply saying so to the priest would solve the issue. “I told my dad I’d call him and I didn’t and I feel bad about lying/not obeying him but the court says I’m not allowed contact with him anymore or my mom says it’s not safe to cal him.”

11 hours ago, BandH said:

I'm not worried a priest will do in depth exploring.  I assume that if a priest did in depth exploring, he'd figure out pretty quick that it's complicated.  I'm worried that he'll assume it's a normal lie, and give normal advice.  "Don't lie to your Dad" is normal advice for someone to give.  I'd consider it to be "brief general platitudes" or "superficial".  

But that’s not a priest issue either.  The kid is a minor.  Just about anyone would reasonably presume he is allowed to call his dad even in most ugly divorces. How have you discussed with him how to handle this? 

11 hours ago, BandH said:

I'm not sure why you think I'm not Catholic.  The church teaches that I'm Catholic.  I would think you'd agree with the church.  It seems weird that you keep insisting on it.  

I’m not insisting on it. I had no idea if you were or not. If you are, that just makes things easier. My advice doesn’t change much though. It sounds like *you* are really struggling with this right now. Call up a priest or the godparents and ask for help. It’s the easiest solution and removes all the angst you have over speculating about it.

Seriously. I have no judgement for your situation. There but for pure dumb luck that I’m not in the same boat. But this doesn’t have to be as nerve wrecking as you may be imagining. Sadly it’s familiar territory for most priests. 

[MagistraKennedy]

12 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

I would call and make an appointment for confession. Confessions are generally at a specific time or “by appointment”. I would call and ask to make an appointment for a 12 yo child outside of the regular time. You could give a very vague heads up that there is a complicated family situation being worked out in court that this child is dealing with and that is background info the priest should have. That would be enough info for the priest to realize they don’t need to inject counsel and they can just give a straight penance. A priest can do everything he needs to do and he can do it compassionately without giving counsel if he knows to just stick to the script. I don’t think you need to have a big meeting or divulge a ton of info. I don’t even think most priests would want that. They tend to just want the facts they need and he doesn’t need all the details to hear this confession. 
 

I would not try to do this in the hour they offer before mass. That is rushed and just business and my priest in particular is all geared up before mass and that just wouldn’t be the time to pull him aside for an extra consult prior to the confession. I would call and make an appointment rather than just try to catch the priest and talk to him first. It would honor your ds privacy as well as it isn’t appropriate for him to see him mom prepping the priest for his confession. 
 

Would this guarantee that the priest doesn’t mess up? No, of course not. But it is probably the best you can do with your very imperfect circumstances. I agree with a lot of what Lecka and Katilac are saying but I also get your concern. But I do think you should let your ds go to confession and it will probably be ok. I understand that “probably” isn’t safe or good enough but your situation is very difficult. 

Totally agree with this post --- call the parish and make the appointment, and just explain that there's a delicate family situation. 

[ktgrok]

12 hours ago, Harriet Vane said:

Not trying to argue, but I'm kind of astounded that you do not think a priest would find it helpful to know there is a protective order against the father. We're talking about a vulnerable child who is in literal, physical danger. That's relevant information. 

This. Any priest I have known would WANT that information, and would feel TERRIBLE if they didn't have it, and later found out they had given advice/spiritual counsel that was not only spiritually hurtful but also potentially physically dangerous. 

12 hours ago, Murphy101 said:

 

Even if there’s some superficial spiritual counseling in the confession, I have not heard of a priest anywhere these days who has the time for counseling beyond exceedingly brief general platitudes in the confessional before mass.

I may have just had very chatty priests, but at the two LARGE churches I had confession at the priests were always adding in some spiritual advice or comfort, along with any prayers and penance. I wonder if it is because confession was done on Saturday afternoon/evenings, instead of Sunday mornings, at both of them? So less rush? I mean, there was always a "line" (not really a line, just people waiting in the chapel for their turn), but not the same pressure as a Mass about to start. And likely, less people went because it meant an extra drive to the church, rather than combining with going to Mass. 

[ktgrok]

I think you should make an appointment for YOU to talk to a priest for counsel on dealing with your son and this whole situation. Perhaps one that either knows him/you, OR one that does a lot of youth activities or works with a school, so more used to dealing with young people? And then arrange for him to hear your son's confession via appointment? You can honestly tell your son you made an appointment since the normal times don't work for him. 

[Drama Llama]

.

Edited January 23, 2023 by BandH

[katilac]

33 minutes ago, BandH said:

I have no idea who you think is doing that or thinking about doing that.

You said I think we just need to talk to a priest, before he talks alone and I don't see how that happens without talking about his potential confession. 

 

 

 

 

[Harriet Vane]

7 minutes ago, katilac said:

You said I think we just need to talk to a priest, before he talks alone and I don't see how that happens without talking about his potential confession. 

 

 

 

 

You are looking at this in a very, very narrow way.

There is a protective order against the father. That makes any advice about that father extremely fraught. And it invites danger.

No one has to ask BandH's son what exactly he wants to confess. He doesn't have to tell anyone at all except who he chooses.

No one is asking the priest to break the privacy of the confessional either.

BandH wants the priest to understand that their family situation is literally, physically DANGEROUS so the priest doesn't make a recommendation or say something that puts a CHILD in danger. 

[Corraleno]

4 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said:

You are looking at this in a very, very narrow way.

There is a protective order against the father. That makes any advice about that father extremely fraught. And it invites danger.

No one has to ask BandH's son what exactly he wants to confess. He doesn't have to tell anyone at all except who he chooses.

No one is asking the priest to break the privacy of the confessional either.

BandH wants the priest to understand that their family situation is literally, physically DANGEROUS so the priest doesn't make a recommendation or say something that puts a CHILD in danger. 

Thank you, I was just about to post the same thing. Some of the responses in this thread have seemed so clueless and dismissive of the actual danger involved here, it's blowing my mind. People are responding as if BandH is somehow trying to prevent her son from confessing, or trying to find out what he's going to say, when all she's trying to do is make sure the priest has the background information he needs so that he doesn't inadvertently (1) make the child feel like he's sinning for doing what he needs to do to keep his family safe and/or (2) tell him to do something that could cause his family serious harm.  Have people not read her previous threads?? Do people not watch the news??