Ordering a headstone

[DawnM]

Has anyone ordered a headstone online and had it delivered?   I am wondering if that will just be easier than trying to deal with the local company as I can't seem to get call backs from the funeral home or headstone place and I live 17 hours away.

I designed one online and like it, just want to make sure it arrives and then who installs it?

PS:   Adding information:  

The cemetery doesn't have a phone number.   There are no restrictions really.   It is a defunct cemetery.   They are selling no more plots, my parents have had this plot for 30 years so they can still be buried there.

 

Edited June 20, 2022 by DawnM

[heartlikealion]

No, we didn't do that. But I just wanted to say triple check everything. They messed up my mom's headstone. It was super annoying. Then we got it replaced with the correct thing. They gave us a list of quotes to pick from and they used the wrong quote (similar). It actually wasn't something we could catch as we didn't select the wrong thing. They messed up. 

[Catwoman]

Can you call the cemetery and ask about it? They might have specific rules about the headstones and the installation.

[Starr]

Call the cemetery for costs of installation. I doubt they let anyone else do it. They also have rules about size and all that.

Edited June 20, 2022 by Starr

[DawnM]

added in my original post, there is no one to call at the cemetery 

Edited June 20, 2022 by DawnM

[heartlikealion]

3 minutes ago, DawnM said:

added in my original post, there is no one to call at the cemetery 

I think that you would have to pay someone else to do it? And would it be shipped to you or the cemetery? I wouldn't want to have to lug it somewhere (it's probably heavy). 

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, DawnM said:

The cemetery doesn't have a phone number.   There are no restrictions really.   It is a defunct cemetery.   They are selling no more plots, my parents have had this plot for 30 years so they can still be buried there.

I bet on line would work as long as it is a reputable company.  Do you know anyone in the area who might could give you names of a handy man who could install it?My brother installed our baby brother’s ….but it was small. 

[Tap]

Is there a local stone company? If so, they may be able to do it for you. 

[DawnM]

51 minutes ago, Tap said:

Is there a local stone company? If so, they may be able to do it for you. 

I have looked online and the ones I am finding aren't really what I am looking for, but maybe they can do a custom one and give me a quote?   I was going to try to call one but haven't had time.

[DawnM]

53 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I bet on line would work as long as it is a reputable company.  Do you know anyone in the area who might could give you names of a handy man who could install it?My brother installed our baby brother’s ….but it was small. 

Nope.   My parents were gifted these plots 30 years ago (maybe longer) and we know no one anywhere near there.   Don't get me started.

[Katy]

I don’t know about a large one, but I know an older extended family member ordered a small one online to bury cremains in a family plot themselves. Think huge family plot, placed to the side with the remains of a couple who had previously lost children next to similar small stones for kids lost just after birth. The stone was so small she could place it herself, and cremains don’t really need to be buried so she did that herself too. She didn’t see the point in paying anyone for that. 

[DawnM]

55 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I think that you would have to pay someone else to do it? And would it be shipped to you or the cemetery? I wouldn't want to have to lug it somewhere (it's probably heavy). 

DEF NOT to me.   I am not even sure I will ever visit.   It is in a rather remote area of Iowa.   I live in NC and have relatives in WA, OR, CA, and SC.   I have no need to ever go to Iowa.     I am not even sure I will go when my dad dies.   I may just have a memorial for him near me and ship his body to be buried.

[Katy]

I forgot the weird location thing. I’d call a local funeral company and ask. They may be able to sell & place a headstone or at least tell you the regulations or who to contact. 

[heartlikealion]

Just now, DawnM said:

DEF NOT to me.   I am not even sure I will ever visit.   It is in a rather remote area of Iowa.   I live in NC and have relatives in WA, OR, CA, and SC.   I have no need to ever go to Iowa.     I am not even sure I will go when my dad dies.   I may just have a memorial for him near me and ship his body to be buried.

Oops I wasn't thinking when I posted that. I guess I meant delivered to a house of a family or friend in the town. 

[DawnM]

1 minute ago, Katy said:

I don’t know about a large one, but I know an older extended family member ordered a small one online to bury cremains in a family plot themselves. Think huge family plot, placed to the side with the remains of a couple who had previously lost children next to similar small stones for kids lost just after birth. The stone was so small she could place it herself, and cremains don’t really need to be buried so she did that herself too. She didn’t see the point in paying anyone for that. 

Yeah, that isn't what we want, and I am not going anywhere near there to do it myself.

[DawnM]

Just now, Katy said:

I forgot the weird location thing. I’d call a local funeral company and ask. They may be able to sell & place a headstone or at least tell you the regulations or who to contact. 

I have tried several times, I can't get a call back.  It is making me nuts.

[DawnM]

Just now, heartlikealion said:

Oops I wasn't thinking when I posted that. I guess I meant delivered to a house of a family or friend in the town. 

No relatives or friends in town.   We don't even know anyone in the entire state.   Again, don't get me started! 🙄

[Katy]

Just now, DawnM said:

Yeah, that isn't what we want, and I am not going anywhere near there to do it myself.

Call the closest local funeral home and ask. We’ve lived in Iowa. Some rural cemeteries have large and ornate headstones. Others have these ones that don’t even stick out of the ground except for a sort of vase that you can invert into the stone or set on top and put a small bouquet in. 

[Katy]

2 minutes ago, DawnM said:

No relatives or friends in town.   We don't even know anyone in the entire state.   Again, don't get me started! 🙄

I PM’d you. 

[DawnM]

1 minute ago, Katy said:

Call the closest local funeral home and ask. We’ve lived in Iowa. Some rural cemeteries have large and ornate headstones. Others have these ones that don’t even stick out of the ground except for a sort of vase that you can invert into the stone or set on top and put a small bouquet in. 

I have called several times and left messages, no one will call me back.   That is why I wanted to ask if anyone here has ordered online and what the experience has been.   

I don't want any vase since no one will be visiting it.

[Faith-manor]

A defunct cemetery is a problem. We have that too in our family. I actually had to get help and go plop the thing my mom ordered down there myself. We could not get anyone to return phone calls from the local place, and I have to wonder if they didn't want to deal with the cemetery itself since they can't drum up more business there. We called three funeral homes, and three headstone manufacturers local to the area dh no one would return phone calls or emails, and the answer if someone picked up the line was, "We don't work with that cemetery." We ordered from some place online whose name escapes me at the moment, it was delivered here - crazy expensive - and then we looked at a video on installation, and did the best we could. I wish I could be more helpful. Due to the fact that the cemetery has no more plots, and the township is very poor and only pays for mowing once a month, there is no maintenance. I don't expect the headstone we put there to last long. Trees are beginning to grow everywhere, and roots are so damaging. My understanding is that because they couldn't sell more plots so no new proceeds were going into the maintenance endowment for many years, the interest on that Endowment eventually did not equal or exceed the rising costs of maintenance so the township was spending into the principle. The cemetery is going bankrupt. I am glad my mom didn't spend much because the state will eventually take over the cemetery. They will notify relatives that they have X amount of time to have their relatives exhumed and buried elsewhere or the state will put them in graves who knows where with multiple persons per plot, or at least that is what we were told would happen by a member of the township board.

So whatever you do, unless this is a fairly well endowed cemetery or has a historical society that is going to take it over, don't spend much for a headstone.

[DawnM]

2 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

A defunct cemetery is a problem. We have that too in our family. I actually had to get help and go plop the thing my mom ordered down there myself. We could not get anyone to return phone calls from the local place, and I have to wonder if they didn't want to deal with the cemetery itself since they can't drum up more business there. We called three funeral homes, and three headstone manufacturers local to the area dh no one would return phone calls or emails, and the answer if someone picked up the line was, "We don't work with that cemetery." We ordered from some place online whose name escapes me at the moment, it was delivered here - crazy expensive - and then we looked at a video on installation, and did the best we could. I wish I could be more helpful. Due to the fact that the cemetery has no more plots, and the township is very poor and only pays for mowing once a month, there is no maintenance. I don't expect the headstone we put there to last long. Trees are beginning to grow everywhere, and roots are so damaging. My understanding is that because they couldn't sell more plots so no new proceeds were going into the maintenance endowment for many years, the interest on that Endowment eventually did not equal or exceed the rising costs of maintenance so the township was spending into the principle. The cemetery is going bankrupt. I am glad my mom didn't spend much because the state will eventually take over the cemetery. They will notify relatives that they have X amount of time to have their relatives exhumed and buried elsewhere or the state will put them in graves who knows where with multiple persons per plot, or at least that is what we were told would happen by a member of the township board.

So whatever you do, unless this is a fairly well endowed cemetery or has a historical society that is going to take it over, don't spend much for a headstone.

Well, the good news is, their mission will be paying for it, it was part of their retirement and estate planning package.   It won't come out of my funds.

[Faith-manor]

13 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Well, the good news is, their mission will be paying for it, it was part of their retirement and estate planning package.   It won't come out of my funds.

That is very good!

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, Faith-manor said:

A defunct cemetery is a problem. We have that too in our family. I actually had to get help and go plop the thing my mom ordered down there myself. We could not get anyone to return phone calls from the local place, and I have to wonder if they didn't want to deal with the cemetery itself since they can't drum up more business there. We called three funeral homes, and three headstone manufacturers local to the area dh no one would return phone calls or emails, and the answer if someone picked up the line was, "We don't work with that cemetery." We ordered from some place online whose name escapes me at the moment, it was delivered here - crazy expensive - and then we looked at a video on installation, and did the best we could. I wish I could be more helpful. Due to the fact that the cemetery has no more plots, and the township is very poor and only pays for mowing once a month, there is no maintenance. I don't expect the headstone we put there to last long. Trees are beginning to grow everywhere, and roots are so damaging. My understanding is that because they couldn't sell more plots so no new proceeds were going into the maintenance endowment for many years, the interest on that Endowment eventually did not equal or exceed the rising costs of maintenance so the township was spending into the principle. The cemetery is going bankrupt. I am glad my mom didn't spend much because the state will eventually take over the cemetery. They will notify relatives that they have X amount of time to have their relatives exhumed and buried elsewhere or the state will put them in graves who knows where with multiple persons per plot, or at least that is what we were told would happen by a member of the township board.

So whatever you do, unless this is a fairly well endowed cemetery or has a historical society that is going to take it over, don't spend much for a headstone.

Wow! Do you have a secret identity as the Incredible Hulk or something? 😉

I can’t imagine trying to lift a gravestone by myself; even tiny ones are so heavy!

PS. If you can’t admit to the Hulk thing for privacy purposes, I completely understand!

[Pippen]

Some alternatives to call:

The county government office - they will be able to tell you if burials can still be conducted in the cemetery, and if so, who would be best to contact. (Often if a cemetery is abandoned it's the township or county that does any bare minimum upkeep, such as mowing.)

If there's a county historical or genealogical society, try calling them. 

Edited June 20, 2022 by Pippen

[Faith-manor]

1 hour ago, Catwoman said:

Wow! Do you have a secret identity as the Incredible Hulk or something? 😉

I can’t imagine trying to lift a gravestone by myself; even tiny ones are so heavy!

PS. If you can’t admit to the Hulk thing for privacy purposes, I completely understand!

It was small, and we own a moving cart/dolly thingie. So all we had to do was maneuver it. It was really just one of those flat stone things, name and birth death years, not very big. So with help and the dolly to wheel it around on, doable.

 

Not the Hulk. I am however, adept at carrying sheets of drywall with dh. So maybe Drywall Widow could be my super title since I am no Scarlett Johansson! 😂

Edited June 20, 2022 by Faith-manor

[Miss Tick]

1 hour ago, Pippen said:

Some alternatives to call:

The county government office - they will be able to tell you if burials can still be conducted in the cemetery, and if so, who would be best to contact. (Often if a cemetery is abandoned it's the township or county that does any bare minimum upkeep, such as mowing.)

If there's a county historical or genealogical society, try calling them. 

I was going to suggest calling a small, locally owned store like a feed store or hardware store. Find someone you can hire to receive the stone, place the stone, and send you a picture. The smaller the town, the easier it will likely be to get this done.

[KungFuPanda]

18 hours ago, SusanC said:

I was going to suggest calling a small, locally owned store like a feed store or hardware store. Find someone you can hire to receive the stone, place the stone, and send you a picture. The smaller the town, the easier it will likely be to get this done.

Oh man, getting anything done in a tiny town requires an ally. I once sent mt mother to a courthouse for documents. The lady told me, on mom’s phone no less, that my mom would need permission to pick these up. When I asked what that involved it turned out she just wanted to hear me say it. So THAT was super official. 🙄.  Yes, she knew my mother. 
 

My long-winded point is you may need to cultivate a relationship with SOMEbody. If you look on a map of the town nearest the cemetery, does any sort of local hub present itself? An independently owned hardware store, gas station, or general store? The kind of place that’s gonna know that “everyone calls Dan for this sort of thing” and give you Dan’s number? Maybe a local church that is affiliated, even loosely, with their mission?

I’m assuming your mother is already at rest there?

[amyx4]

I live in a small town where most of the very small cemeteries were setup by long ago families. After living here a while, I noticed that those cemeteries get veteran's flags on the holidays and that they get mowed. So...long story short there's a local guy that handles that. But to find him, you'd need to call the town hall.

The library is also next to the town hall. In small towns they know everything. I would also suggest calling the library. Ours is only open 2.5 days a week.

Even crazier if there's a barber shop try there.

[Starr]

The post office is another source of info. A friend of mine decided to visit my dad when traveling through a small town. It was the post office that told him he was away on vacation. 

[kirstenhill]

Agreeing with everyone else about small town sources of information... My MIL lives in a small town in SW Iowa. When I hear her describe how she gets things done ("I called Dave who used to run the repair shop, and he told me to call John who has a handyman business now, and he was busy so he told me to call Joe over south of town and he can do the job next week.") it amazes me.     I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned calling local churches, but given that they may have members who also had bought plots long ago in the same cemetery, they may also know who to contact or who might work with you.

 

[DawnM]

13 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

Oh man, getting anything done in a tiny town requires an ally. I once sent mt mother to a courthouse for documents. The lady told me, on mom’s phone no less, that my mom would need permission to pick these up. When I asked what that involved it turned out she just wanted to hear me say it. So THAT was super official. 🙄.  Yes, she knew my mother. 
 

My long-winded point is you may need to cultivate a relationship with SOMEbody. If you look on a map of the town nearest the cemetery, does any sort of local hub present itself? An independently owned hardware store, gas station, or general store? The kind of place that’s gonna know that “everyone calls Dan for this sort of thing” and give you Dan’s number? Maybe a local church that is affiliated, even loosely, with their mission?

I’m assuming your mother is already at rest there?

My mother is already there, she has a plastic marker but no actual stone.

[DawnM]

12 hours ago, kirstenhill said:

Agreeing with everyone else about small town sources of information... My MIL lives in a small town in SW Iowa. When I hear her describe how she gets things done ("I called Dave who used to run the repair shop, and he told me to call John who has a handyman business now, and he was busy so he told me to call Joe over south of town and he can do the job next week.") it amazes me.     I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned calling local churches, but given that they may have members who also had bought plots long ago in the same cemetery, they may also know who to contact or who might work with you.

 

Long story short.....the cemetery was associated with a college that several of our older missionaries went.   The college is defunct as is the church and the cemetery that was associated with it.   Most of the people who have purchased plots there are my parents' ages or older (aka: dead.)

[Farrar]

Have you tried calling the online company to ask them what people typically do?

[historically accurate]

9 hours ago, DawnM said:

Long story short.....the cemetery was associated with a college that several of our older missionaries went.   The college is defunct as is the church and the cemetery that was associated with it.   Most of the people who have purchased plots there are my parents' ages or older (aka: dead.)

Contact the church that the college/mission is associated with? Contact the online company you want to buy the stone from? 

I'm sorry this is turning out to be a scavenger hunt during a stressful time.

[DawnM]

19 minutes ago, historically accurate said:

Contact the church that the college/mission is associated with? Contact the online company you want to buy the stone from? 

I'm sorry this is turning out to be a scavenger hunt during a stressful time.

Technically the college was non-denominational, so there is no associated church.   I was just saying that the college did have a church on their campus, or next to it, where college kids could go, where they had chapel, etc....

What do you mean contact the company where I want to buy the headstone?   I found a headstone in another state, I doubt they would have any local ties to a small town in Iowa.   

I saved the design I made online through the company I could order from and will make some calls when I get back and see if someone locally can replicate it.   It will just take some time.

[historically accurate]

1 minute ago, DawnM said:

Technically the college was non-denominational, so there is no associated church.   I was just saying that the college did have a church on their campus, or next to it, where college kids could go, where they had chapel, etc....

What do you mean contact the company where I want to buy the headstone?   I found a headstone in another state, I doubt they would have any local ties to a small town in Iowa.   

I saved the design I made online through the company I could order from and will make some calls when I get back and see if someone locally can replicate it.   It will just take some time.

Oh, got you on the college.

I was thinking the online company may have run into a similar situation, so they may have an idea of how to work it. They wouldn't know this cemetery, but they may have run into similar circumstances previously.

[DawnM]

6 minutes ago, historically accurate said:

Oh, got you on the college.

I was thinking the online company may have run into a similar situation, so they may have an idea of how to work it. They wouldn't know this cemetery, but they may have run into similar circumstances previously.

Ah, ok, thanks.   

[KungFuPanda]

Oooh, maybe the nearest local stonemason could do everything?