Updates 2023 (job hunt etc)

[heartlikealion]

9 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

I honestly didn't realize it was that far, for some reason I thought your room rental was closer to the job than that.  

My dad’s house and the room rental both appear to be the same distance to NOLA. Which is roughly 1.5 hrs each way. My gf’s home to NOLA shaves off 17 min. 

[heartlikealion]

Just my luck 😩😅😂 so my guy friend from the Halloween/live gig thing and I really like each other. He said he’s willing to try to make it work even if I move. I know that may or may not be realistic but one day at a time. Dammit, universe 🤣

[Idalou]

21 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I was contemplating the one bedrooms tonight actually. The thing is will it trip me up from hosting my kids… in court xh tried to force all visits to take place at my dad’s. I don’t want to give up my power to host kids at my own home. Host isn’t the right word but you know what I mean. Legally each child needs a bedroom. So the plan was dd sleeps in my room & ds sleeps in the other over holiday visits and their summer visits. I don’t know if I’ll be denied having them over if I have a one bedroom. 🤔☹️

Your state law requires a seperate room for each child? I've never heard of that, only a bed for each, which could legally be an air mattress. I can't imagine putting that burden on a non custodial parent to find a home with bedrooms that would basically be used so infrequently. To me a bedroom is for sleeping, the children could be at other times in a communal room actually spending time with their parent. I can understand it would be preferable , but not mandatory. I suppose if you have a loser ex-husband bent on punishing you and a jerk of a judge, though. H

[katilac]

On 10/22/2023 at 2:45 PM, heartlikealion said:

 The first property manager might own more but given my concern for safety I think she took me to her best one already… and it was so-so. One of those streets with horrible roads and no designated parking. But the same price as the nicer place. 

No designated parking sucks, but I will say that the horrible roads don't have much to do with it being a good or safe neighborhood. There are an unfortunate number of horrible roads in NOLA, lol, and some of them are in front of million-dollar homes. 

22 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

 Legally each child needs a bedroom.  

I would double-check this. I can see it affecting primary custody, but not even foster care requires each child to have a bedroom. 

It's terribly unfair if true. 

[Heartstrings]

47 minutes ago, katilac said:

would double-check this. I can see it affecting primary custody, but not even foster care requires each child to have a bedroom. 

It's terribly unfair if true.

There are rules against mixed genders sharing a room passed a certain age.  
 

Daughter sharing with mom and son on a pull out in the living room ought to work though.  Definitely worth a call or email to the lawyer though.  

Edited October 24, 2023 by Heartstrings

[heartlikealion]

I will double check but at one point 2 different Mississippi lawyers told me that they couldn’t share (based on gender) and I thought they each required a room… I’ll ask to see if I mis-remembered it and if the rule was just bed. However, I think it was room because I remember discussing with my lawyer that xh wasn’t supposed to be able to label the mudroom as a bedroom. Xh put his stepson in there though, so it didn’t affect our kids. Loophole lol They are no longer in that home and currently the 2 boys share a room. 

[heartlikealion]

I don’t want to require anyone to sleep on an air mattress/couch 50% of the summer 😕 

[freesia]

1 minute ago, heartlikealion said:

I don’t want to require anyone to sleep on an air mattress/couch 50% of the summer 😕 

My MIL has been using one as her bed for about a year. She puts blankets under the bottom sheet. It’s one of the ones that is off the ground. It really is pretty comfortable. I’ve slept on it with no problem. 

[Heartstrings]

28 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I don’t want to require anyone to sleep on an air mattress/couch 50% of the summer 😕 

IKEA has decent pull outs.  I’ve spent a week to 10 days at a time on one with no problems.  Plenty of people sleep on futons or pull outs full time.  You can get an egg crate cover inexpensively to go over it, they help.  You can use daybeds as couch’s pretty easily too.  Or I currently have a mattress against a wall in my room until we can get a trundle for one of the kids.  Currently we just move it around as needed.  

Edited October 24, 2023 by Heartstrings

[heartlikealion]

Yeah, a good pull out bed would definitely be more affordable than a larger apartment. I’ll look around. My current couch folds into a bed but it sucks! Too uncomfortable. 

I do already own 3 beds but unless there’s a huge living room in a 1 BD, there’s no where to put it. I know ds likes privacy too… so living room is not ideal. But I’ll weigh all my options. 

[Spryte]

Heart, I would definitely ask about a pull out bed in the LR. 

Also, personal anecdote but maybe relevant: in my 20s, when I was in school still, my bestie passed away. Her 14 year old came to live with me in my one BR apartment. His GAL had to approve our set up, and I became his physical custodian while his two would-be legal guardians battled it out for that aspect. We partitioned off a small area that would have been a dining room with two screens and a hanging curtain. He had room for his dresser, a twin bed, and a nightstand. It was approved by the court, the GAL, his therapist, our family therapist, and his two potential legal guardians, too.

So perhaps you can find an apartment with a little alcove that you can partition off for the summer, but use differently during the school year.

Edited October 24, 2023 by Spryte

[heartlikealion]

Yes I am definitely open to solutions like these 🙂

[heartlikealion]

The cats are a stress to contain. I left the house and came back to this. I’ve examined both cats and can’t find wounds. The dumbbells weren’t strong enough to keep the door snake in place. I’ll need to do something else. 

[Clemsondana]

15 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I will double check but at one point 2 different Mississippi lawyers told me that they couldn’t share (based on gender) and I thought they each required a room… I’ll ask to see if I mis-remembered it and if the rule was just bed. However, I think it was room because I remember discussing with my lawyer that xh wasn’t supposed to be able to label the mudroom as a bedroom. Xh put his stepson in there though, so it didn’t affect our kids. Loophole lol They are no longer in that home and currently the 2 boys share a room. 

From a friend who does a lot of fostering, I'd expect that different sex kids can't sleep in the same room.  Having a day bed or futon in the living room and a cot or trundle in your bedroom for your daughter would be OK in at east some places.  It's definitely worth checking to see if that would be OK.  I'd understand if that wasn't OK as a permanent arrangement, but for shorter visits...I mean, lots of kids go stay with relatives for part of the summer and sleep all over the place.  I slept in a sleeping bag on the floor when I visited my grandparents as a teen.  🙂  I know that friend, who has bunk beds in several rooms, has occasionally had so many temporary foster kids that some were sleeping in the living room on the couch.  

[heartlikealion]

I forgot to answer - my unemployment benefits max out at $6110. Mathematically it appears to be 26 weeks. 

I just applied to another RBT job. Although working with kids full time isn’t my first choice, I would do it to stay closer. 

[heartlikealion]

13 weeks of unemployment left 

The RBT job said full time on one page but PT on the other. Ugh. I left them a voicemail. 

[heartlikealion]

Lawyer said from a custody standpoint I can’t get in trouble for the smaller home. Only potential issues are if a city/state has housing ordinances or something. So I’m not gonna worry. 

[thatfirstsip]

That's absolutely fantastic news, heart.

So you have a job! A 1-bed apartment should be a lot easier to find in your price range. You're doing great! Are you using Zillow to look for potential apartments? I've had good success with it in the past, and they also have a thing where you submit a credit check/app through Zillow and then if the landlord takes it, which many do, you don't have to do separate application fees. 

[Scarlett]

36 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Lawyer said from a custody standpoint I can’t get in trouble for the smaller home. Only potential issues are if a city/state has housing ordinances or something. So I’m not gonna worry. 

This is great news!

[heartlikealion]

58 minutes ago, thatfirstsip said:

That's absolutely fantastic news, heart.

So you have a job! A 1-bed apartment should be a lot easier to find in your price range. You're doing great! Are you using Zillow to look for potential apartments? I've had good success with it in the past, and they also have a thing where you submit a credit check/app through Zillow and then if the landlord takes it, which many do, you don't have to do separate application fees. 

I have mostly relied on Zillow. That’s how I found the ones I visited. But for now I guess I’ll see if there’s any chance of a closer job before I tour anything else. 

[Heartstrings]

If you turn down the job would you just stay put in the room rental? 

[heartlikealion]

12 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

If you turn down the job would you just stay put in the room rental? 

I won’t turn down the job unless I can figure out a way to afford my own place in the near future with another job. I’ll be staying low to no-rent at my girlfriend’s home soon to save up for a deposit/first month’s rent/utilities. But  I wouldn’t stay there indefinitely. I might be able to afford a 1 bedroom locally. I need to crunch numbers.

[Heartstrings]

5 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I won’t turn down the job unless I can figure out a way to afford my own place in the near future with another job. I’ll be staying low to no-rent at my girlfriend’s home soon to save up for a deposit/first month’s rent/utilities. But  I wouldn’t stay there indefinitely. I might be able to afford a 1 bedroom locally. I need to crunch numbers.

That makes sense! 

[KungFuPanda]

I have a folding twin bedframe and a foam mattress that is fairly lightweight.  I pull this out when I need a guest bed for a kid.  It's more comfortable than a sofa bed and the whole thing gets shoved into a closet when we don't have company. I think everything is more comfortable than a sofa bed . . . even a daybed or an air mattress.

[heartlikealion]

So I’m mentally preparing myself that I may not have time to be interviewed anywhere better etc. 

BUT one day at a time. My gf said I can start moving my stuff in tomorrow. Any days I shave off from this month will help with my final Oct rental check. 

If you have links to sleeping idea items feel free to share. 

I went to the YMCA for this final day of swim thing dd’s class was having. They referred to it as a graduation but I didn't see the connection. She’s not swimming due to off/on sickness + recent ear infection so I sat with her the whole session. She was like I forgot to tell you parents were invited. I said I knew, I got the email 🙂 

Man these 1 bedrooms aren’t cheap either (NOLA & locally) but I’ll find something. 

[heartlikealion]

And… I have a boyfriend now 🫠 finally, someone that is good with communication, boundaries etc. Our kids are in the same school district. I’ve met his kids just from running into them at the grocery store and YMCA.

Just hope my future job/home doesn’t screw this up. Sigh. 

[TravelingChris]

On 10/23/2023 at 8:01 PM, heartlikealion said:

I don’t want to require anyone to sleep on an air mattress/couch 50% of the summer 😕 

A good air mat is very comfortable.

[heartlikealion]

I saved $100 by moving out today. 

I got the majority of stuff out of the old room. Going back tonight to get the cat. 

[heartlikealion]

I applied to 4 RBT positions. One company posted 3 different jobs (different locations). It was misleading if they were PT or FT. I was offered a link to an interview and responded that I was seeking FT. They never responded. So today I said screw it, just book the interview. What’s the worst that happens?? They can’t offer FT. Maybe they start PT and it becomes FT? 

The online interview is Nov 2. I figure I have nothing to lose. 

[heartlikealion]

Oh and experience with ASD children is preferred but not required. I’m currently living in a home with a child that is on the spectrum. 

[heartlikealion]

Slowly plugging away at this RBT certification course (I had stopped working on it weeks ago thinking it wasn't going to be applicable).

Just applied to another RBT job. The pay isn't great, but it's full-time and the work takes place in the center (whereas the other job requires you to drive to homes). If I could get them to pay me on the upper end of the scale (what I was making prior to being laid off, which still isn't a ton), I could at least afford a 1 bedroom apartment. 

I used my resume version that lists the nanny agency job as an active job (since they didn't ever officially remove me from the agency). 

I mixed up dates and I cannot attend the Day of the Dead parade that my bf invited me to with his kids (he ran the idea of me coming by the kids first). I'll have dd that day and I'm sure xh would hit the roof if I took her to New Orleans on a school night lol. We have to inform each other any time we leave the state with a child. Plus there's not enough room in the car for everyone. I know dd wanted to do something with me this week (she suggested making sugar skulls) so I'm going to see if I can dig up my baking supplies from my dad's house including my skull cookie cutter. If I can get everything together I'll let dd and her friend (that lives here) decorate the cookies on Thurs after school. I'm sure the 4yr old will want to join in as well. 

A few days ago I went ahead and renewed my MS driver's license so regardless of whether I move, I have a current one. I just used my dad's address. Money is really tight so I paid xh a partial amount for Oct child support. I am not worried, I will pay him the rest in Nov. He won't actually do anything. I've been late in the past before (by accident) and nothing came of it. I just paid extra the next month. 

My back injury is mostly healed, but I did need to take it easy this week in some areas. I got my bf to lift my exercise bike so we could haul it to the storage unit. And I wasn't able to comfortably do the rowing machine, but I have returned to the gym. My 24hr gym is 7 min from my gf's house. I'm trying not to be a big burden on their utilities so I showered at the gym the other night and I've been doing my laundry at the laundromat. 

Edited November 1, 2023 by heartlikealion

[heartlikealion]

My car is making a new sound. Ugh!! And my storage unit rate just increased from $79/mo to $93. My cc declined it, I didn’t have enough money. I had to borrow money from a relative so today I’ll tell the storage unit to run the card again. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My plan is to land that RBT job today. I need income NOW. Not in Dec!! (which is when my first check would go through since the library job starts Nov 27). 

On a happier note, I was able to get all my baking supplies to do the Day of the Dead cookies with the kids. Today after school they can all decorate them. I’ll make a simple royal icing and they can add sprinkles. I made one batch last night and will bake off the rest today. I had the skull cookie cutter but purchased the tombstone on sale. And I splurged and got the 70% off Day of the Dead ceramic for me and dd to paint. It’s huge and normally $15. 

Using my thumb to make eye sockets worked on the cookies. 

[heartlikealion]

Interview update 

they are aware I want FT and she’s waiting on approval for FT openings at 2 of 3 of their offices. She asked my office preference (I said the one that’s one town over from the kids). They said pay range is $16-18/hr with annual merit-based assessments/raises. FT is a min of 30 hours. I’d obviously need more to put a roof over my head. They have employees that work 40+. They see clients as late as 6 pm but might extend to 7 pm. Currently most are seen in the clinic. They might expand to 2 Saturdays a month. 

So far I think I can navigate all that. They will touch base with me by next Friday. But if they do get FT approval and offer me a job it won’t start for several weeks due to background check etc. I hate how I’m in this limbo!! 

Their clients are ages 1-21. Several may need bathroom assistance (groan lol but I’ll deal) and the average session time is much longer than I anticipated (4-6 hrs with one client). 

I was told I can finish the 40 hr training but once it’s done it takes 2 weeks to get the certificate and at that rate they might just have me take their course instead. But you cannot combine courses. Their course might be better (geared toward their clinic) but I guess I’ll keep working on mine. 

They asked my pay requirement and I was candid and explained that $17-18 would be best.

They did not think it would work in my favor to start as PT so we are waiting on FT approval. Not that I was formally offered a job, anyway. 

[heartlikealion]

Cv joint + labor. It’s a $400 job. My friend’s brother can install for cheaper labor but don’t think it’s really worth driving to him. I’ll shop around for a part. They run ~$200. 

[heartlikealion]

I have a job interview next week for an event coordinator position in AL but this sounds different than the last one because it’s tied to a museum. I can’t keep up. These are jobs I applied to early in the year. I’ll see if I can dig up a job description/salary somewhere. 

[heartlikealion]

Old email regarding museum job came from government job site. But when logged in, it does not show an application in history so I can’t see any details. I applied back in Feb. 

Im stressed for financial reasons, stability reasons, imposing on others, and worrying if I don’t get a close by job I’ll lose another relationship. With a really good guy.  

[fraidycat]

2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Old email regarding museum job came from government job site. But when logged in, it does not show an application in history so I can’t see any details. I applied back in Feb. 

Im stressed for financial reasons, stability reasons, imposing on others, and worrying if I don’t get a close by job I’ll lose another relationship. With a really good guy.  

I wish I could do something other than offering virtual hugs and good luck vibes. But since that is what I can do, I'm sending you good luck vibes for the job you want at the pay you want and a home to call your own, ASAP. 

[heartlikealion]

Months ago I bought concert tickets to see a goth band this Nov. My gf backed out last min due to an injury so I offered her ticket to my bf (the tickets were on my phone). We went and had a blast. The parking rates were extra high apparently due to it being a weekend night. But the machine acted up so badly the attendant let us drive through and I see no pending charge on my debit card. My dad knew about the concert in advance so I asked  if I could borrow his car due to my car issues and he agreed. 

There were 2 opening bands and we enjoyed the whole show. 
 

[heartlikealion]

NOLA job just said they want me to come Nov 16 to handle paperwork, drug test, background check. I hope I hear back from a closer job before then. 

[heartlikealion]

To stay in the black, I will hardly hold onto any of this unemployment money as it goes directly toward the cc that keeps maxing out from auto drafts (storage unit, etc). Hoping I can make at least one cc payment this month with cc rewards. Last month I didn’t have enough points. 

I hear the cv joint on left and right turns now. Ugh. But I don’t have $400 to give the auto shop and I don’t want to ask my dad for money. He has his own new expenses he’s dealing with plus if I do have to ask him for money I’d rather it be on my moving expenses. And as said before, I feel like there are strings attached and I already feel very in debt to him. 

I’ve tried to babysit for extra money, but that hasn’t worked out thus far. 

[scholastica]

2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

NOLA job just said they want me to come Nov 16 to handle paperwork, drug test, background check. I hope I hear back from a closer job before then. 

Just an opinion, but this job really sounds like the one with the best hopes for future growth. Your other skills may help you move up into a more lucrative, long term and challenging position in the library system. The others you have considered don’t really have prospects for growth and a better, more stable future. Praying for you.

[heartlikealion]

2 minutes ago, scholastica said:

Just an opinion, but this job really sounds like the one with the best hopes for future growth. Your other skills may help you move up into a more lucrative, long term and challenging position in the library system. The others you have considered don’t really have prospects for growth and a better, more stable future. Praying for you.

There’s growth with RBT jobs too but I see what you’re saying. The car/distance is what scares me most about the NOLA job. 

[heartlikealion]

I saw a commercial for cars dot com and went online to get a quote for my car. There was an error and they asked me to go to a dealership in person. A local dealership called me. I figured why not. So I went and had my car seen at two dealerships located side by side. One offered $500 and one offered $800. Not surprised. 

I know my best bang for my buck is to sell the car to an individual. But I’m not sure anyone will pay much for a car that has a failing transmission etc. 

I started looking at what it would cost to have a car note. Typically they are quite high. I don’t have the room in my budget. I could maybe barely afford that if the cat was used and cheap… close to a $200/mo car note. But that’s really pushing it. And I know from a friend that moved from MS to LA that the car ins shoots way up. 

I am feeling a bit discouraged. Like how many weeks can I drive on a bad cv joint as I wait for pay stubs. I’d like to get rid of the car rather than throw more money at repairs. 

My boyfriend tries to make time for me but I see a pattern that our plans are very dependent on his schedule and I hate to say it but “convenience.” Like last night we didn’t see each other because his teen son wanted to stay up and play video games together. I never want to me the woman that comes between a parent & kid. I will not fight or force things. 

I have my AL interview today. 

[Drama Llama]

On 11/6/2023 at 2:40 PM, heartlikealion said:

There’s growth with RBT jobs too but I see what you’re saying. The car/distance is what scares me most about the NOLA job. 

Do you want to be an RBT?  You have been very clear about the kinds of careers you want, and RBT is a pretty dramatic pivot. 

Working with individuals with significant disabilities is a calling, and ABA can be an ethical minefield.  I think that walking away from a job in the field you want for one you might find intolerable isn’t a great choice, because another break in employment could be devastating.

There are kids in NOLA who need RBT hours, and part time is easy to find.  I think looking for a client or two to work with a few hours a week would let you explore whether ABA as a career path suits you, and earn some extra money.  If you find it does suit you then you can look for a job in the field, and coming with experience and a better resume you will have options.

[heartlikealion]

19 minutes ago, Drama Llama said:

Do you want to be an RBT?  You have been very clear about the kinds of careers you want, and RBT is a pretty dramatic pivot. 

Working with individuals with significant disabilities is a calling, and ABA can be an ethical minefield.  I think that walking away from a job in the field you want for one you might find intolerable isn’t a great choice, because another break in employment could be devastating.

There are kids in NOLA who need RBT hours, and part time is easy to find.  I think looking for a client or two to work with a few hours a week would let you explore whether ABA as a career path suits you, and earn some extra money.  If you find it does suit you then you can look for a job in the field, and coming with experience and a better resume you will have options.

It’s probably not my calling. It was just a carrier path I investigated because I have experience with kids (homeschool co-op, Sunday school, nanny agency babysitting). 

They have a local office. The pay is $16-18/hr. If they paid on the higher end it would be on par with the library salary and closer to the kids. 

The library job title is associate. It’s not librarian. I don’t know if I’ll ever want the MLS/MLIS degree as I loathe the idea of returning to school. I just want to pay my bills, build savings and retirement and have health ins. again. I do not know if there is much room for income increases in the library. With RBT I know they do merit based evals/raises annually. But as long as I can pay my bills I’d make do with the library salary as long as possible. 

[heartlikealion]

AL interview went well but the city decided to repost the job today (!) so they won’t even hire for several weeks… too bad. It pays ballpark $45-51k and I think I’d be able to do it. They gave me a free pass to tour the museum so I’m doing that now. 

the ones interviewing had no idea the job would be reposted. 

[heartlikealion]

The path I’m on. I mean, part of the children’s exhibit in the museum. 

When the RBT job contacts me tomorrow I guess I’ll let them know I’ve accepted another job (NOLA). Cutting my losses here. I just need to plan to move, work a hopefully low-stress job, search for a car and accept a lackluster love life scenario once again (seldom see him or break up). 

[maize]

Do you have a start date for the library job?

[heartlikealion]

40 minutes ago, maize said:

Do you have a start date for the library job?

The email I got a few weeks ago said Nov 27. The drug test/paperwork/background check date is Nov 16. 

I don’t know how soon after that I can get them to give me a letter to show a future landlord. It’s all kinda hard to plan. 

[Hen]

hoping for a great job for you!  

-just my experience, for what it is worth, but I was working at a preschool as a teacher's aid, and I got on very well with a boy on the spectrum who was there for half day, then was bussed to another care site where he got more aid- so at one point the director asked me to work with him as his special aid, and while I loved him to bits and thought he was a special kid, it became really stressful. I was responsible to keep him safe, and to keep other kids safe from him, and for re-directing him.  It was stressful and physical and I'm just saying that while the RBT jobs tend to list a higher rate, I think the would be very high on burn-out unless you really felt called to it.  Anyways, I'm thinking of you and thinking good thoughts.