Does getting older make you angrier?

[Lady Florida.]

12 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

I talk loud, fast, and with my hands. When my emotions are heightened(anger being only one of those, and rarely), I talk louder, faster, and gesture more wildly.

 

I'm not always animated and don't talk loud but I do tend to talk fast and *always* talk with my hands. I blame it on my Italian heritage. Dh says if you tied my hands behind my back I'd be unable to speak and he's probably right. His family - very WASP from Tennessee if that matters - find it curious and humorous how much everyone in my family uses their hands when talking. 

[Alicia64]

Re: Getting older. Sometimes it can be a med thing. Just a thought.

I had a meltdown in a meeting about four years ago. To this day, I cringe over my behavior.

It was an evening meeting and I woke up the next morning absolutely horrified by my behavior.

Within an hour or so I realized that it was a medication I was on following back surgery. I'd noticed anger-surges a couple of times, but nothing like at the meeting.

I slowly got off of that med -- never again will I go near it. I find myself wanting to send letters to everyone, but I worry that they'll think I'm making up an excuse.

🙁

[73349]

I've seen people (and women in particular) mellow significantly. IDK if it relates to a decrease in the immediate needs and pressures of raising kids or what.

[Spryte]

1 hour ago, Carolina Wren said:

I've seen people (and women in particular) mellow significantly. IDK if it relates to a decrease in the immediate needs and pressures of raising kids or what.

I think this is a big part of it, for many. Maybe not all of it, but certainly part of it.

I am sandwiched between caring for three elders, and kids that range from age 10 - 30. It’s a lot. I’m definitely mellower now, like I said above, but I could see some people going the other way.

[Soror]

I don't know about angrier but perimenopause can def. screw with your mood in all kinds of not good ways.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-leeds-59208883

Of course, it doesn't affect everyone that way but it absolutely can. Massive hormonal shifts can be very rough physically and mentally. I've not heard of there being such an effect after menopause but the decreasing of progesterone could make for some to be less nice. I noticed a big improvement in my mood when I supplemented with progesterone when it was low- I was certainly more calm and understanding. I am very open to hormonal supplementation in and after menopause seeing already how hormonal variations have screwed with me. 

[regentrude]

57 minutes ago, Soror said:

I don't know about angrier but perimenopause can def. screw with your mood in all kinds of not good ways.

...I've not heard of there being such an effect after menopause but the decreasing of progesterone could make for some to be less nice. I noticed a big improvement in my mood when I supplemented with progesterone when it was low- I was certainly more calm and understanding.

I am glad this worked for you.
I, OTOH, had a very bad experience with progesterone because it deepened my depression to a frightening low. It was so scary that I will never touch the stuff again.
So with all hormonal supplementation, it is wise to keep an eye on your mental state as well and watch for alarm signs.

ETA: I was only taking topical progesterone, not even orally. It is hard to believe how much a quarter size dollop can mess with the brain.

Edited November 12, 2021 by regentrude

[Kassia]

25 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I am glad this worked for you.
I, OTOH, had a very bad experience with progesterone because it deepened my depression to a frightening low. It was so scary that I will never touch the stuff again.
So with all hormonal supplementation, it is wise to keep an eye on your mental state as well and watch for alarm signs.

I had a similar reaction (from taking Provera).  Birth control pills also caused pretty severe depression but not like the provera.  

I have some serious hormone issues right now (hypothalamus dysfunction) and am afraid to see a doctor since I know they will need to give me hormones and I am afraid to take them.  

[Soror]

20 minutes ago, Kassia said:

I had a similar reaction (from taking Provera).  Birth control pills also caused pretty severe depression but not like the provera.  

I have some serious hormone issues right now (hypothalamus dysfunction) and am afraid to see a doctor since I know they will need to give me hormones and I am afraid to take them.  

 

47 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I am glad this worked for you.
I, OTOH, had a very bad experience with progesterone because it deepened my depression to a frightening low. It was so scary that I will never touch the stuff again.
So with all hormonal supplementation, it is wise to keep an eye on your mental state as well and watch for alarm signs.

ETA: I was only taking topical progesterone, not even orally. It is hard to believe how much a quarter size dollop can mess with the brain.

Absolutely. You have to keep an eye on the things. I had depression from every bc that I tried and my doctors ignored me. I am very leery of bc personally. But I had great luck with progesterone.  I only took the progesterone when I knew I was low and it was extremely helpful. Many women find HRT helpful with menopausal symptoms but everything has side effects and everyone has a different physiology. I know for some bc can improve moods but it certainly didn't in me.

 

Fwiw I've i it done topical progesterone too

[SKL]

I'm gonna say yes, at least about some things.  On the other hand, we learn not to care so intensely about other things.

I think I lose that tendency to assume everything that goes wrong must be my fault.  And realize that sometimes, I deserve better and should say so.  🙂

[Jean in Newcastle]

I just heard a middle aged man talk about how he doesn’t have the patience for “nonsense “ anymore. 

[Kassia]

I'm definitely not angrier but I've lost much of my sense of humor.  Things that used to amuse me now just irritate me.

[Selkie]

I’m more laid back now. I’m retired from both work and child rearing, and it feels like my life is more my own now. That has me in a happy state of mind.

Another positive change is that I had a hysterectomy six months ago. While I never had much trouble with perimenopause, it is definitely liberating to be free of all the annoyances that came with having a uterus. So far, menopause has been a breeze.

[prairiewindmomma]

On 11/10/2021 at 7:26 PM, Faith-manor said:

I just don't take crap on the chin anymore. I have wised up. The larger picture is that women have been conditioned to be meek in this patriarchal system. So if they reach the place they are not willing to take it, they are then labeled angry, b$tchy, and a shrew even though it is perfectly acceptable for men to do the same.

I experienced that light bulb moment when I realized I had been culturally and religiously trained to put up with a boatload of manure, and it was long before menopause. So I don't think it had anything to do hormones. It was more to do with being able to really step back, see things for what they were, and have the courage to change and make my voice heard.

This is the camp I fall into. On one hand I have so much more patience and compassion than I did as a young mom. On the other, I am DONE with being treated badly/being taken advantage of/being told to sit down and shut up because I am making waves.

[Plateau Mama]

I used to work in a retirement home.  Old people are either very, very grumpy or very, very sweet.  There is not a lot of in-between.  

[TechWife]

No, I don't think so.

As I have aged, I have become more confident of who I am as a person and I am much less likely to defer to someone else when I disagree. A lot of people, especially men, seem to perceive that as anger, no matter how politely the disagreement unfolds.

I am also more direct - I don't have patience for passive/aggressive behaviors or conversations. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. Within that, I am a kind person and am kind, courteous and professional in work settings as well as kind and friendly in other settings. .  I will take someone at their face value until I learn otherwise. If I learn otherwise, then I am less likely to engage that person on any level about anything. Of course there are interactions that are unavoidable, but there is a difference between being polite and working professionally with someone and allowing them to pump me to get information in order to gain a personal or professional advantage, or allowing them to worm their way into my personal life. Women sometimes perceive this as unwillingness to contribute to the team. Men don't seem to care about this one as far as I can tell.

Basically, as a woman in my fifties, I'm all grown up now. I don't care what other people think about me personally, with the exception of my husband. I ain't got time for nonsense, let's have fun, get the job done if there's one to do and live life.

I just read this to my husband and he said "To paraphrase:  'I'm too tired to put up with this sh*t.' "

[Jean in Newcastle]

45 minutes ago, Plateau Mama said:

I used to work in a retirement home.  Old people are either very, very grumpy or very, very sweet.  There is not a lot of in-between.  

Until I am senile (or the equivalent) I anticipate having enough self control and a filter to moderate my behavior even into my elder years.  I have felt "ragey" at times due to hormones but I can walk away, take deep breaths, realize that it's just hormones etc.  and if I am snappish, then I can apologize. 

[TechWife]

On 11/10/2021 at 8:32 PM, Danae said:

Alzheimer’s and some other forms of dementia cause anger.  I think that’s further along the aging process than you mean, though.

Age is a risk factor, but Alzheimer's isn't part of the aging process. It's a disease.

[TechWife]

On 11/10/2021 at 10:30 PM, marbel said:

...

I think as all people get older, they lose their filters and become more like their true personality. Masks fall away, social/cultural expectations are ignored ("who cares what people think?"); that certainly may be anger, or perceived as anger by others. 

I do think there is a perception about "filters" and I have used that terminology myself. I did come to see that it is terminology applied mainly to women, though. I think that people's personalities change throughout our lives, we aren't stagnant. I don't think that age reveals a "true" personality. Personal growth often results in personality changes, and the growth is often accompanied by age. 

I'm curious to see what other people think the "filter" is - if we had to use another word or a different explanation, what would we say?

[Jean in Newcastle]

6 minutes ago, TechWife said:

I do think there is a perception about "filters" and I have used that terminology myself. I did come to see that it is terminology applied mainly to women, though. I think that people's personalities change throughout our lives, we aren't stagnant. I don't think that age reveals a "true" personality. Personal growth often results in personality changes, and the growth is often accompanied by age. 

I'm curious to see what other people think the "filter" is - if we had to use another word or a different explanation, what would we say?

loss of inhibition. 

[TechWife]

On 11/10/2021 at 8:06 PM, J-rap said:

I don't think it has anything to do with hormones, but I find that the older I get, the more patience I have with people.  I've learned that if I were in their shoes, I'd probably be acting the same way.  And life is hard. 

Yes - I have a lot patience for people in various life stages & as they face the various life difficulties they are encountering. I give a lot of leeway for their words or behavior. I am realizing more and more "you don't know what you don't know." As I have aged I have experienced more of life and I know how hard child rearing can be, how hard it is to have aging parents w/their related illnesses, or a sick child, loose a job, etc. Kindness goes a long way. At the same time, I find it easier to maintain boundaries in stressful situations which has resulted in a lot more relational peace for me. I don't feel responsibility for others' circumstances - I can maintain a much healthier viewpoint than when I was younger. I can also step back and realize when something is "not my job" so to speak. Just because someone needs meals, doesn't mean I have to organize them or even provide one - it's all dependent on circumstances.

On 11/10/2021 at 10:26 PM, Faith-manor said:

I just don't take crap on the chin anymore. I have wised up. The larger picture is that women have been conditioned to be meek in this patriarchal system. So if they reach the place they are not willing to take it, they are then labeled angry, b$tchy, and a shrew even though it is perfectly acceptable for men to do the same.

I experienced that light bulb moment when I realized I had been culturally and religiously trained to put up with a boatload of manure, and it was long before menopause. So I don't think it had anything to do hormones. It was more to do with being able to really step back, see things for what they were, and have the courage to change and make my voice heard.

Yes, this is me. There is also a huge misconception about what the work "meek" actually means in the Bible.  Do a word study on meekness when you have time. It's truly eye opening. PM me if you don't have time & I'll be glad to share my notes if you want them.

Someone else mentioned the fruit of the spirit - for some reason I can't find that post right now. I think she was right on target. The fruit is how all Christians should be. It's not gender based or aged based.

 

Edited November 12, 2021 by TechWife

[TechWife]

3 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

This is the camp I fall into. On one hand I have so much more patience and compassion than I did as a young mom. On the other, I am DONE with being treated badly/being taken advantage of/being told to sit down and shut up because I am making waves.

Yes - so much this!

I also realized that I'm not always the one making the waves - I'm just pointing existing waves out to others and expecting them to get their oar out and paddle with me so we can get where we need to be without drowning.

[kbutton]

On 11/11/2021 at 1:35 AM, Jean in Newcastle said:

I used to cry more when angry or frustrated, which was ineffective and frustrated me even more. 

It's better than it used to be, but I had a lot of trouble with this (sometimes still do). I find it humiliating as well as frustrating. 

On 11/11/2021 at 8:18 AM, regentrude said:

Nope, this is not something society has conditioned me to. If you have never had intense mental health issues surrounding your period, count yourself blessed. It is not fun and can lead to a serious crisis.

I've been on both sides of this--having weird PMS and then also just having it assumed it's hormonal if I am intense about something. Intensity is not liked by most people.

On 11/11/2021 at 9:32 AM, HS Mom in NC said:

I know people who say they've gotten more black and white in their thinking as they've aged and others like me who often see the world as far more complex and nuanced than I used to.

I think some people are less cognitively flexible as they age, particularly if they have a history of ADHD or behaviors consistent with it (I have a grandmother in this category). She's more mellow, but less flexible (not that flexing was ever easy for her). 

10 hours ago, regentrude said:

ETA: I was only taking topical progesterone, not even orally. It is hard to believe how much a quarter size dollop can mess with the brain.

QFT  

9 hours ago, SKL said:

I think I lose that tendency to assume everything that goes wrong must be my fault.  And realize that sometimes, I deserve better and should say so.  🙂

QFT

Overall, I think I am going to be grumpier in some ways and more mellow in others. One thing that will challenge me is figuring out what to do when there isn't much "future" to plan for. I am the kind of person who looks forward to things and works my way backwards. That's literally less of a thing as you age (no buying green bananas and all). 

[Jean in Newcastle]

1 hour ago, kbutton said:That's literally less of a thing as you age (no buying green bananas and all). 

I love to eat bananas green. 😉. Less impact on my blood sugars. 

[marbel]

18 hours ago, TechWife said:

I do think there is a perception about "filters" and I have used that terminology myself. I did come to see that it is terminology applied mainly to women, though. I think that people's personalities change throughout our lives, we aren't stagnant. I don't think that age reveals a "true" personality. Personal growth often results in personality changes, and the growth is often accompanied by age. 

I'm curious to see what other people think the "filter" is - if we had to use another word or a different explanation, what would we say?

In my experience, when people say someone is "losing their filters" they simply mean that the person seems not to be able to stop themselves from saying things that maybe they would  not have said in the past.  It's just a casual expression, not meant to be a medical term.  

Also in my experience it is applied equally to men and women. Maybe it seems to be applied to women more than men because women overall tend to be more careful in their speech when they are younger - I am not making an assertion that that is true, just musing on the notion that the phrase is applied more to women than to men.  

To me, the filter is knowing what is appropriate to say at a given time/circumstance (and how to say it), and applying that knowledge to one's speech. 

So if I run into someone I know and the first thought that comes into my head is that they look terrible to me - say, something like garish makeup, an unflattering hair color, an outfit that to my eyes is ugly/ill-fitting - I'm not going to say that to the person. If I was "losing my filters" I might lead with "what the heck did you do to your hair?!" or similar. I've certainly seen both men and women make inappropriate/hurtful statements like that, and it is shocking because they would not have said something like that in the past. 

Edited November 13, 2021 by marbel

[kbutton]

12 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I love to eat bananas green. 😉. Less impact on my blood sugars. 

I cannot, lol! 

[Shoeless]

I am less angry now that I am older, but also less likely to put up with anyone else's b.s. 

Actually, I can't say this change is entirely due to age. I had a few rough years, (plus this whole pandemic thing), that changed how I view people. It's hard to get me mad now.