Hm. Gifts for the girlfriend?

[BlsdMama]

So my PLAN had been to get the gf a stocking like we do our adult children.  

 

DS is out of ideas for it.  Me too.

 

So a stocking would normally include hot cocoa, treats, and then something fun (for the little kids this is usually a small game/cards/earbuds, for my teen DD this is makeup brushes, etc.) and usually a small gift card.

 

However, for my three adults (DS, DD, and DSIL) this includes an envelope with cash gift.  This is awkward to give the GF.  She will also not be getting her gifts Christmas morning, kwim?  So I was thinking gift cards in lieu.  

 

Ideas - a cupcake shop I know she likes, Starbucks - I also know she likes, and then a more "substantive" giftcard to go out to eat somewhere sitdown but not too expensive?  And then I also got them movie tickets.

 

Or should I do a "real" gift?  This is weird to me because we've chosen this year to NOT give gifts to adults, just cash.

Plus, honestly, I have no idea what she would love!!

 

Does this sound like a good idea?  (Okay, the REASON I post so many gift questions is because while I like giving gifts I ONLY like giving gifts that I know will be loved and I am very anxious about gift giving. I shudder at the idea of someone getting something utterly unusable that they don't like.  I'm a weenie.)

[regentrude]

A gift card is really just cash in disguise, and with limitations that may or may not work. If you give cash to your kids, just give cash to the gf. You can write a note "For a nice evening out" or "get yourself some treats" or whatever as a suggestion she may or may not take.

[Miss Peregrine]

If she won't be there Christmas morning I think your ideas sound great!

"Ideas - a cupcake shop I know she likes, Starbucks - I also know she likes, and then a more "substantive" giftcard to go out to eat somewhere sitdown but not too expensive?  And then I also got them movie tickets."

[katilac]

I don't do gifts for girlfriends and boyfriends. 

 

If you are there on Christmas morning, I do a stocking and minor gift no matter who you are, usually inexpensive consumables. 

 

I think you are fine with a Starbucks card, a restaurant card, and a few fun things like hot cocoa. Your ds should surely know where she likes to eat! 

 

If she's the only one opening a gift, though, I would reconsider. I would have felt hella awkward if my boyfriend's mom gave me a gift or stocking to open in front of everyone, when no one else was opening gifts. The embarrassment and pressure to show enough delight would have outweighed my pleasure by far, lol. I still barely survive dh's family's tradition of staring at each person as they open gifts, I hate being "on stage" that way. If no one else is getting gifts at that time, I would just do a gift card and have ds pass it on, my mom gave us this gift card to enjoy a meal out. 

[teachermom2834]

My college sophomore ds has a gf he has been dating a bit under a year so our first Christmas with her in our life. We do not know her well. I know she likes chocolate so I got a variety of nice chocolate and I know she likes candles so I picked up a small candle. I also got her a nice sherpa throw blanket, mainly because that seems like a practical gift for a college student especially because she has bus trips for her sport.

 

I don't know how close you are to the gf. In our case we are trying to hit the note of being kind but not "welcome to the family".

 

At some point over break we plan to give the kids $40 when they are on their way out. Seems better than a gift card because we don't know where exactly they might want to go.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I would suggest that rather than getting multiple separate gift cards, you get one gift card that would cover a meal for her and your son.  As it is, I think you are being very very generous.  As long as she has some small token to open, I think you are good to go!

[Rockhopper]

So will she be at your house Christmas morning? Or whenever your adult children open their stockings? That would affect my choice, I think. Just, cuz, I'm guessing her $ amount is different than your kids, and that'd be weird, so I'd probably go for a GC just so it's less... I don't know... obviously different. If she's opening hers at a different time, the $ difference wouldn't really matter and I'd go with cash to be consistent. Convoluted, but there it is...

[Chris in VA]

I like your ideas. Dd's boyfriend got tbe privilege of staying with us for a visit, and some comfy pj pants. This yearn dd's big gift is to go see Les Mis. I decided to gift her two tickets so they can make it a special date.

[Annie G]

A gift card to Starbucks or the cupcake shop sounds fine. Cash is nice too but for a girlfriend I prefer a gift card. She's not your kid so she's really not going to be comparing what her stocking holds vs what your kids have in theirs.

 

Is this the first year you've had a girlfriend/boyfriend at Christmas? I ask because it kind of sets a precedent. We decided that until couples were engaged/married we'd give token gifts for Christmas.  So if we did a stocking it would be candy and stuff plus maybe a $10 gift card.  Then when they get married they get equal treatment.  I don't say that to be mean, we just realized that eventually it could get pretty expensive.  One year all three unmarried kids had significant others. And one day our grandkids might bring significant others to our Christmas celebration. 

 

But your budget sounds a lot higher than ours so maybe you're cool with a Starbucks card, dinner out card, and movie tickets.  We would typically only do one of those for a girlfriend. 

[OneStepAtATime]

Nothing wrong with the stocking filled with some candy and little items and nothing else.  They aren't engaged, right?  If this is a long term relationship then including a bit of cash in the stocking is fine, too.  Seriously.  Gift cards can be hard/inconvenient to use.  Unless I am missing something regarding giving cash...

 

[happypamama]

I think any those ideas are fine. Gift cards say, “I thought about places you like.†Cash says, “I am treating you like one of our kids†or “young people can always use a little extra something.†I think either of those are perfectly fine to say, depending on what you want to say. As a former teenage/college girlfriend, I would have loved anything. I was just glad that my boyfriend’s mother liked me enough to think of me at Christmas, so I don’t think you can go wrong with any of those.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'd personally love either one. 

[vonfirmath]

When I was the fiance, my in-laws gave me a nice purse with the gift receipt inside (to Nordstrom's!) and a pocket knife (Because, they said, you never give a purse empty).  the purse was NOT my style, and my now-husband convinced me my In-laws would not be upset if I returned it and got something else instead. But I still have the pocket knife. 

 

(My last Christmas before we got married -- so 15 years ago now-- I did NOT go "home" to my parents but stayed in Washington and my husband's family kindly invited me over to spend Christmas day with them.  It was pretty low-key. Just my finace, them and me. But they wanted to make sure I had something to open)

 

My husband also gave me a green velvet scarf that day that I am wearing today to my Christmas party tonight.

 

 

 

Edited December 20, 2017 by vonfirmath

[OrganicJen]

When I was a gf I wouldn't have liked to receive cash but the gift cards you mentioned sound great, and I would have just preferred them in a card as it would have been weird to receive them in a stocking or wrapped at all like a gift. I would have been thrilled with a couple of gift cards.

[gardenmom5]

I wouldn't give her anything I wasn't already giving my own children, since she's a gf, not family, i would spend less.

I would also keep it impersonal - as personal presents are (traditionally at last) deemed appropriate for gf's.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yeah please just don't give smelly perfumes or lotions or bubble bath.  Just cuz I'm a gal does not mean I want smelly body products.  This was "the" gift given to me by in-laws for years.  I had to throw the stuff out every time.  And I don't like throwing stuff out! 

 

 

[OrganicJen]

Yeah please just don't give smelly perfumes or lotions or bubble bath.  Just cuz I'm a gal does not mean I want smelly body products.  This was "the" gift given to me by in-laws for years.  I had to throw the stuff out every time.  And I don't like throwing stuff out! 

 

I had a boyfriend once whose mother always saved the free sample makeup that you get from Estee Lauder or whatever in those free little makeup bags and that's always what she gave me.  I wasn't insulted or anything because I just assumed that to her, it was something I would like and she couldn't afford to actually buy me anything so I couldn't complain at all and was appreciative of the thought I guess.  But it was annoying because none of it was anything I could or would wear at all so it always ended up being given or thrown away.  It just to me seems like an odd gift because it's more the type of thing that when I get free sample bags that aren't things I want to use, I just give them away or toss them, and I wouldn't think of making them an actual "gift." 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I had a boyfriend once whose mother always saved the free sample makeup that you get from Estee Lauder or whatever in those free little makeup bags and that's always what she gave me.  I wasn't insulted or anything because I just assumed that to her, it was something I would like and she couldn't afford to actually buy me anything so I couldn't complain at all and was appreciative of the thought I guess.  But it was annoying because none of it was anything I could or would wear at all so it always ended up being given or thrown away.  It just to me seems like an odd gift because it's more the type of thing that when I get free sample bags that aren't things I want to use, I just give them away or toss them, and I wouldn't think of making them an actual "gift." 

 

Oh I understand it is the thought.  This was always pretty expensive stuff. 

 

I dunno...I am not mad or think they were being stupid, but I just didn't like throwing stuff out.  I have nobody to give the stuff to.  There are no women in my life.  The males in my life didn't want it either.

 

My BIL once gave me men's cologne.  So ya know...LOL  Maybe my inlaws think I smell bad or something. 

[OrganicJen]

Oh I understand it is the thought.  This was always pretty expensive stuff. 

 

I dunno...I am not mad or think they were being stupid, but I just didn't like throwing stuff out.  I have nobody to give the stuff to.  There are no women in my life.  The males in my life didn't want it either.

 

My BIL once gave me men's cologne.  So ya know...LOL  Maybe my inlaws think I smell bad or something. 

 

LOL, I sometimes wondered if my boyfriend's mother was trying to send a message about my looks by giving me that stuff :) 

[Anne]

If she’s the only one opening a gift, I think just giving her one package or one gift bag would be the way to go.

 

If everyone else is opening stockings at the same time, then it’s nice to have a stocking - but I don’t think it needs to be exactly the same as your children’s stockings.

 

Anne

[BlsdMama]

I don't do gifts for girlfriends and boyfriends. 

 

If you are there on Christmas morning, I do a stocking and minor gift no matter who you are, usually inexpensive consumables. 

 

I think you are fine with a Starbucks card, a restaurant card, and a few fun things like hot cocoa. Your ds should surely know where she likes to eat! 

 

If she's the only one opening a gift, though, I would reconsider. I would have felt hella awkward if my boyfriend's mom gave me a gift or stocking to open in front of everyone, when no one else was opening gifts. The embarrassment and pressure to show enough delight would have outweighed my pleasure by far, lol. I still barely survive dh's family's tradition of staring at each person as they open gifts, I hate being "on stage" that way. If no one else is getting gifts at that time, I would just do a gift card and have ds pass it on, my mom gave us this gift card to enjoy a meal out. 

Okay - so this is a really good point.  Hm.  Hadn't thought of the weirdness.  

 

I don't know how close you are to the gf. In our case we are trying to hit the note of being kind but not "welcome to the family".

 

At some point over break we plan to give the kids $40 when they are on their way out. Seems better than a gift card because we don't know where exactly they might want to go.

Yeah, so I think this is a good point.  The stocking for her is very different from our son-in-law if that counts for anything.  

 

I would suggest that rather than getting multiple separate gift cards, you get one gift card that would cover a meal for her and your son.  As it is, I think you are being very very generous.  As long as she has some small token to open, I think you are good to go!

 

So I'm thinking token cards  as an individual thing (the cupcakes, the Starbucks) and then the gift card they'd obviously do together, kwim?

 

So will she be at your house Christmas morning? Or whenever your adult children open their stockings? That would affect my choice, I think. Just, cuz, I'm guessing her $ amount is different than your kids, and that'd be weird, so I'd probably go for a GC just so it's less... I don't know... obviously different. If she's opening hers at a different time, the $ difference wouldn't really matter and I'd go with cash to be consistent. Convoluted, but there it is...

Nope, won't be there.

 

A gift card to Starbucks or the cupcake shop sounds fine. Cash is nice too but for a girlfriend I prefer a gift card. She's not your kid so she's really not going to be comparing what her stocking holds vs what your kids have in theirs.

 

Is this the first year you've had a girlfriend/boyfriend at Christmas? I ask because it kind of sets a precedent. We decided that until couples were engaged/married we'd give token gifts for Christmas.  So if we did a stocking it would be candy and stuff plus maybe a $10 gift card.  Then when they get married they get equal treatment.  I don't say that to be mean, we just realized that eventually it could get pretty expensive.  One year all three unmarried kids had significant others. And one day our grandkids might bring significant others to our Christmas celebration. 

 

But your budget sounds a lot higher than ours so maybe you're cool with a Starbucks card, dinner out card, and movie tickets.  We would typically only do one of those for a girlfriend. 

 

Yeah, I just can't do cash for non-family.  It feels so awkward for me, kwim?  So, if you figure that out it's like $10 for Starbucks, $10 for cupcakes, $7.50 for the ticket (because Costco sells them in packs of two for the theatres around here for $15) and then like a $40 gift card to a restaurant for the two of them.  

 

When I was a gf I wouldn't have liked to receive cash but the gift cards you mentioned sound great, and I would have just preferred them in a card as it would have been weird to receive them in a stocking or wrapped at all like a gift. I would have been thrilled with a couple of gift cards.

This is a really good point.  What if I just put them in a basket with tissue paper, not wrapped and put a cute little sign or something that says, "Night Out" or something?  Does that make it light and cute and fun and less formal and no pressure?  Because you are right - a weird stocking to pull everything out to look through feels weird.

 

 

 

 

 

Thank goodness for the HIVE!!

[BlsdMama]

And, on a side note, we kind of expect this one to stick around. I could be wrong, but they are a pretty good match as long as sweet her can put up with salty him.  He's a pound of sass and, while we love him, and he's probably a homeschool catch, lol, his sarcasm is his undoing.  Maybe she thinks he's witty.  ;)  He gets it from his mom... Sigh.  :/

But they were both homeschooled, both from here, both at college together, both pretty motivated for their education, but really different personalities, but both headed in similar directions.  It seems like a perfect match, but who knows.  But, yes, definitely on a "We were thinking of you and wanted to get you something fun/cute, but no pressure, and enjoy it together," kwim?

[OrganicJen]

I think the little box with tissue paper would be cute and keep it informal enough that she probably wouldn't feel weird. The gift cards I really think are a perfect choice because they are an in between...not as weird as cash,,,not as overly personal as a personal gift would be...they show you noticed her interests but they aren't going too far to where she should feel awkward.

[OrganicJen]

Double post

Edited December 20, 2017 by OrganicJen

[gstharr]

If me, i would make sure my son gets her a real gift, even if I had to help him pick it out and buy it. I'm sure his gift matters most. After that, the cupcake thing is gc is fine to show that you think of her. Your son probably does not expect her parents to more for him.

[JustEm]

If me, i would make sure my son gets her a real gift, even if I had to help him pick it out and buy it. I'm sure his gift matters most. After that, the cupcake thing is gc is fine to show that you think of her. Your son probably does not expect her parents to more for him.

You would involve yourself in your adult son's gift exchange with his girlfriend. That seems odd to me.

[gstharr]

Yes the OP  did did not specify his age. I assumed 18-21. Young men do not have a clue. What seems odd to me is that you have contributed nothing other than to jump on this point.  Merry X-mas to you and yours. 

[JustEm]

Yes the OP did did not specify his age. I assumed 18-21. Young men do not have a clue. What seems odd to me is that you have contributed nothing other than to jump on this point. Merry X-mas to you and yours.

There was no need for me to contribute because people already answered the way I would have. I didn't mean to offend you, I just found that an odd statement and pointed it out.

 

Merry Christmas to you too.

[vonfirmath]

If me, i would make sure my son gets her a real gift, even if I had to help him pick it out and buy it. I'm sure his gift matters most. After that, the cupcake thing is gc is fine to show that you think of her. Your son probably does not expect her parents to more for him.

 

Agreed! I still use and wear the scarf my husband bought me before we were married. And part of the reason is that he spent so much time and effort in choosing the perfect gift. (No, he doesn't do this every year. He was really motivated that year...)

 

[Chris in VA]

I helped dd's bf with his gift to her. It was rather sweet of him to ask me advice. We have a good relationship, though. 

[Jenny in Florida]

My son's gf -- they have been together for a little over two years and are pretty solidly together -- will be spending Christmas day with us for the first time this year. We know her well and like her a lot. I made her a stocking out of Dr. Who fabric (she's a fan), which we are stuffing with good-quality chocolate and coffee. 

 

We are putting a few things under the tree for her, including a Dr. Who-inspired scarf I am (almost finished) knitting for her. (She and my son are avid cosplayers.) She's also getting a card game and a package with some art supplies and a gift card to the good art supply store.

 

[AK_Mom4]

If she isn’t going to be there Christmas morning when everyone else is opening their gifts, I would keep it simple.

 

Give her a nice Christmas card with a gift card to Starbucks or the cupcake place tucked inside. Nothing complicated or that makes her embarrassed for not having a reciprocal gift for you.