You would think it would be easy to find a church

[Ottakee]

I live in a "church on every street corner" area of West Michigan.  Seriously, there are churches everywhere yet I struggle with not finding one that really feels like "home" to me.

 

I would like:

Strong Biblical teaching

Solid Theology......Baptist leaning is my preference (and I am in the world of CRC and RCA churches)

250-450 people....big enough to have a variety, small enough to actually know people

sings hymns along with the worship songs

multicultural (harder in our area where whites are a huge majority)...

local....so that we can worship and minister in our local area vs. 30+ minutes away

 

 

Today we are going to a joint service with a local small Hispanic church.  The English service though is only 45-70 people when it is not a joint service.  Hispanic service is about the same size.  The main campus for this church though as good preaching (but no hymns) and is about 1000 plus with 2 services so hard to get to know people and their families.

 

UGG.

My friend goes to a church that dh and I both really loved when we have visited.  It is CRC but we could likely handle that as it meets every other thing on my list...........except it is 2 hours away so not at all an option.

[Elizabeth86]

I hear ya. I live in the bible belt for heavens sake and I still cant find a church. What is CRC and RCA? DH and his family didnt go to church much, but he leans toward a quiet service and traditional. I grew up pentecostal and I like lots of childrens programs. I like a bigger church. He likes smaller. He is nit from this area and is really put off by overfriendly well meaning people that give hugs. I dont know if we will find a church to suit us both.

[FaithManor]

We have given up for the most part. We have a UMC that we REALLY like, but eldest ds is seriously dating the pastor's daughter, and if that doesn't end well, the awkwardness for us would be huge. It is better to just visit once in a while, and lay low then make connections with people that might end up in weirdness. The politics are there the people scrutinise ds and girlfriend closely so we just don't want to take part. And yet, in terms of theology and worship, it is the very best fit for us within a 45 minute drive.

 

So we bounce around occasionally visiting the Episcopal Church and the UMC, but we have no church home. I am adjusting. It used to feel kind of awful, but now it seems a bit freeing. As a musician if I regularly attend a church, there is extreme pressure to do extensive music ministries, and limiting that so I can homeschool and work for pay has always been looked down on. Always. Now no one knows or if they do know, they don't ask since we are not members or even faithful attendees. Since I have several years of work ahead of me to help pay for college, this is probably for the best.

 

I wish you well. Hope something works out for you.

[nixpix5]

It took us so long to find the right fit. We curch visited so much I thought my poor kids would revolt. We finally found the perfect fit. I hope you can find your hone church soon! I know how frustrating that can be!

[Garga]

Or it takes you a year to find one and it's just perfect! A dream come true! But then the pastor moves away and suddenly it's not.

 

We stay because my kids have strong ties there. If the kids weren't so invested, I'd have been gone about 4 years ago. I'm treading water until the kids are 20 or so and it's not a big deal for us all to attend different churches.

 

I made a deal with them that we'd stay there at the church with the booooooring sermons that I cannot for the life of me figure out how to apply to my life as long as they agreed to listen to the recording of the church up the road with the pastor who makes the teachings come alive and applicable to our lives.

 

They go to church for social connection and support from a church family, and I make sure they listen to the sermons first thing each morning for spiritual instruction.

[DawnM]

We have been part of a church for 10 years and I am not finding it fits our needs the same way it used to.

 

There is a great church we like but it is too far away (almost 30 miles) for us to be very involved.

 

We visited another church today, very multi-ethnic, but not sure about some other things.

 

 

[EMS83]

LoL, no I don't think it's easy!!  I know it's frustrating and hope you have endurance during the search.  :)

[MercyA]

Right there with you.

 

It's difficult. My favorite church (most mature, best teaching, best music, great fellowship) ever was a Reformed church--even though I am Armenian-leaning myself. That was okay when I didn't have kids, but now I feel a responsibility to be more selective. Some things I am willing to overlook and some things I consider potentially damaging. 

 

Have you considered Anabaptist churches, like Brethren or Mennonite? Or perhaps a Wesleyan or Missionary church?

Edited June 18, 2017 by MercyA

[DawnM]

Right there with you.

 

It's difficult. My favorite church (most mature, best teaching, best music, great fellowship) ever was a Reformed church--even though I am Armenian-leaning myself. That was okay when I didn't have kids, but now I feel a responsibility to be more selective. Some things I am willing to overlook and some things I consider potentially damaging. 

 

Have you considered Anabaptist churches, like Brethren or Mennonite? Or perhaps a Wesleyan or Missionary church?

 

Sigh.  I have a friend who preaches Calvinism to me every single time we get together.   I think she honestly believes I can't be saved if I don't believe exactly as she does.  After this last time I feel like I really need to keep some distance.  I like to focus on what we can AGREE about, but it always ends up a discussion about her arguing and trying to convince me to be Reformed.  Nope, I can't and I won't.  I respect you for your beliefs, please have the common curtesy to respect mine.  But, she can't.

[....]

Ugh, we are right there with ya'!  

[Guest]

Are you looking for Calvinist Baptists or Arminian Baptists? You may find some sister denominations that could work. Like, I'm much closer to the former and find that reformed Presbyterian congregations also work, as do most non-denominational bible churches. The latter might find closer kinship with any number of First Baptist churches or a fair number of Lutheran or Methodist congregations.

 

It just depends, but even in CRC land (hubby went to Calvin college, after all) there is usually something. You may have to compromise on the drive, though - that was what we had to do up here. I don't love the 45 minute drive but it is better than sitting at a church that is a poor fit.

 

I hope you find something, that is super frustrating :grouphug:

[scrapbookbuzz]

Church shopping is hard. We now attend a church that is an affiliation my husband grew up with. It is not my preference but he and the kids like it,

for the most part, and he increasingly gets asked to be a part of various things there (teaching Sunday school, being on the Mission Board, etc). Personally,

even though we've been there probably 7 or 8 years, I've not found it easy to connect with people there. They are friendly enough but I've felt more ostracized

and criticized at times than I've ever felt a "please come join us" feel. I've done various things to be involved but still don't really feel like I "fit" there.

Yet, we have a couple who drives at least an hour to come to our church because they truly want to be there. 

 

I pray you find a good church family to connect with all of your family. 

[MercyA]

Sigh.  I have a friend who preaches Calvinism to me every single time we get together.   I think she honestly believes I can't be saved if I don't believe exactly as she does.  After this last time I feel like I really need to keep some distance.  I like to focus on what we can AGREE about, but it always ends up a discussion about her arguing and trying to convince me to be Reformed.  Nope, I can't and I won't.  I respect you for your beliefs, please have the common curtesy to respect mine.  But, she can't.

 

It makes me crazy when people are like this. It seems so disproportionately important to some people. My former pastor (in many ways a great guy) even had tulips carved into his mantlepiece. I kid you not. 

 

Maybe you could say, "Hey, according to your theology, I'm either chosen or I'm not, right? So can please we drop it?"  ;)

 

ETA: I am mostly joking here; the last thing you want to do is fuel more debate. If she can't respect a simple, "I'm not interested in discussing this anymore," maybe you will need some distance--which is a real shame. :(  And it goes without saying, of course, that there are argumentative people of all theological persuasions. 

Edited June 18, 2017 by MercyA

[Laurel-in-CA]

Hymns in worship.....I wish; maybe twice/year where we attend now, but my kids connect in the youth group and dh has made more friendships than I have (which is the norm, for us), so I go and listen and sit and pray when the chorus repetition gets too much for me. LOL

 

We attend a non-denominational christian church, which (luckily for me) tends arminian but doesn't make a big deal out of it.

[heartlikealion]

It can be hard. We live in the Bible belt and it's difficult here lol. I like the church ds went to for First Communion classes, but it's so far away we might just stick to the closer church that has no children and return to doing Sunday school at home to save on gas.

[PeachyDoodle]

Yep, there are dozens of churches here, and none of them fit us. We were run out of our former church because of disagreements over the teaching, and since then we've refined our theology while wandering in the "wilderness." We know what denomination's doctrine most closely aligns with what we believe scripture clearly teaches -- but there aren't any of those nearby. We just came across one that's nearly an hour a way and will visit next weekend, but it's not ideal. We can drive to attend services but won't be able to be really involved in the life of the congregation.

 

Sigh.

 

It's better than nothing, which is pretty much what we've had for the last 5 years.

 

 

[Ottakee]

I hear ya. I live in the bible belt for heavens sake and I still cant find a church. What is CRC and RCA?

CRC is Christian Reformed Church.....denomination started in the community I grew up in....and now live only 10 miles from.

 

RCA is Reformed Church of American.....the CRC is an offshoot of the RCA church so very similar in a lot of ways.

 

Both are Calvinist.

[Ottakee]

Right there with you.

 

It's difficult. My favorite church (most mature, best teaching, best music, great fellowship) ever was a Reformed church--even though I am Armenian-leaning myself. That was okay when I didn't have kids, but now I feel a responsibility to be more selective. Some things I am willing to overlook and some things I consider potentially damaging. 

 

Have you considered Anabaptist churches, like Brethren or Mennonite? Or perhaps a Wesleyan or Missionary church?

There are no Brethren or Mennonite Churches in our county.  We are seriously, majorly, seriously in Calvinist TULIP land  so a huge majority of the churches are Reformed or Christian Reformed of a slight offshoot of those.

 

The church we are attending is Wesleyan which is kinda sorta closer.  We love the preacher and the preaching, struggle with a few doctrines and practices.  Not enough to leave right now as our kids like it the best.....and with special needs young adults it is harder to find a church.

[Ottakee]

Sigh.  I have a friend who preaches Calvinism to me every single time we get together.   I think she honestly believes I can't be saved if I don't believe exactly as she does.  

Sorry your friend is so pushy.  One of my friends is a Pastor's wife in the CRC church neither she (nor her husband) are like that at all.  We agree on 90% of the doctrines and we just have never even really discussed the others truth be told.

[Ottakee]

Are you looking for Calvinist Baptists or Arminian Baptists?

 

It just depends, but even in CRC land (hubby went to Calvin college, after all) there is usually something. You may have to compromise on the drive, though - that was what we had to do up here. I don't love the 45 minute drive but it is better than sitting at a church that is a poor fit.

 

 

More traditional independent local Baptist church with more of an Arminian lean than Calvanist.

 

I grew up just 45 minutes from Calvin College and most of my highschool went to Calvin or Doort if that tells you anything.  Our family and 1 other girl were Baptist and the other 797 students were of the CRC/Reformed persuasion.

[Guest]

More traditional independent local Baptist church with more of an Arminian lean than Calvanist.

 

I grew up just 45 minutes from Calvin College and most of my highschool went to Calvin or Doort if that tells you anything. Our family and 1 other girl were Baptist and the other 797 students were of the CRC/Reformed persuasion.

Haha! That was my husband's problem. He is reformed (reformed baptist-ish), but not in the way CRC is. Being Christian but "not the right kind" was apparently a very rude awakening for him initially :lol:

 

I'm sorry it's been such a bear to find a church. That just stinks and it can be very trying long term. Especially if "close enough with compromises" on church doctrine still isn't all that close to what you actually believe.

Edited June 19, 2017 by Arctic Mama

[SamanthaCarter]

I think you might find a PCA or reformed baptist could fit your criteria. You do not have to agree on baptism to become a member at a PCA church, you just can't hold office. The music will really vary between these churches.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited June 19, 2017 by SamanthaCarter

[ktgrok]

I have given up on the prefect fit. And realized that some things will be more important at different times.

 

We have one parish right near us, less than 5 minutes away. And in Central Florida, nothing is ever that close, lol! I LOVE the main priest...his homilies just really touch on major issues, and he says hard things in a way that makes you feel empowered to serve Christ. But...the kids program is "meh" at best. And the architecture is ugly 1980s wood, lol. 

 

The other parish is 25 minutes away. The homilies are sometimes very superficial. But the kids programs are fantastic. My kids love going, everything is well run, I agree with how and what they teach, etc. And it's a very pretty church with wonderful music (both contemporary music and hymns at every service). So, for me, right now, having kids that love Church and look forward to going is a bigger priority that meaty homilies. I can do more reading on my own time, or listen to other ones, etc. 

 

Not perfect, but good enough. 

[Bluegoat]

I live in a "church on every street corner" area of West Michigan.  Seriously, there are churches everywhere yet I struggle with not finding one that really feels like "home" to me.

 

I would like:

Strong Biblical teaching

Solid Theology......Baptist leaning is my preference (and I am in the world of CRC and RCA churches)

250-450 people....big enough to have a variety, small enough to actually know people

sings hymns along with the worship songs

multicultural (harder in our area where whites are a huge majority)...

local....so that we can worship and minister in our local area vs. 30+ minutes away

 

 

Today we are going to a joint service with a local small Hispanic church.  The English service though is only 45-70 people when it is not a joint service.  Hispanic service is about the same size.  The main campus for this church though as good preaching (but no hymns) and is about 1000 plus with 2 services so hard to get to know people and their families.

 

UGG.

 

My friend goes to a church that dh and I both really loved when we have visited.  It is CRC but we could likely handle that as it meets every other thing on my list...........except it is 2 hours away so not at all an option.

 

Just my opinion, but some of these things strike me as a lot more important than others, given that you will never find a community that is ready made for your preferences.

 

  I'd drop the multi-cultural requirement unless it is a practical need - like you need an non-English language service.  While it has a certain appeal in that it seems to indicate people are open-minded, there are lots of other reasons besides being intolerant a group might be more homogeneous.  What's wrong with a small group representing the demographics of the larger community?  Or the history of the church congregation?  Presumably we aren't valuing the members for their ethnic origins, whatever they are.

 

As far as music, I'd be clear whether this is more of a theological thing for you or aesthetic. 

[eternalsummer]

Bluegoat, I am not certain but I think Ottakee's kids (and maybe she herself) are not white.  Being the sole member of a different race in a group is probably a lot more difficult than being one of 300 members of the same race; if I were in a community where I were not of the majority race, and that community were pretty homogenous, I'd look for social groups with some diversity too, and it would be an important criteria.

[Ottakee]

Just my opinion, but some of these things strike me as a lot more important than others, given that you will never find a community that is ready made for your preferences.

 

I'd drop the multi-cultural requirement unless it is a practical need - like you need an non-English language service. While it has a certain appeal in that it seems to indicate people are open-minded, there are lots of other reasons besides being intolerant a group might be more homogeneous. What's wrong with a small group representing the demographics of the larger community? Or the history of the church congregation? Presumably we aren't valuing the members for their ethnic origins, whatever they are.

 

As far as music, I'd be clear whether this is more of a theological thing for you or aesthetic.

I know I won't find everything and certainly other things are higher on the list than others.

 

The music is definitely a preference thing, just something I really miss from my growing up days.

[Ottakee]

Bluegoat, I am not certain but I think Ottakee's kids (and maybe she herself) are not white. Being the sole member of a different race in a group is probably a lot more difficult than being one of 300 members of the same race; if I were in a community where I were not of the majority race, and that community were pretty homogenous, I'd look for social groups with some diversity too, and it would be an important criteria.

I think this is a very important point

I am white/Native so not super critical for me. My kids are all adopted and part Native but can pass for white and have more of a white culture. DH is Native (although many think he is Hispanic) and that is a bit tougher. Some churches in our mostly white area are of the "we don't want THAT type in our church" and teach that interracial dating/marriage is wrong, etc. Also, my husband was saved as a late teen and didn't grow up in a Protestant church and sadly some people are of the mindset that, "well, you weren't born and raised in a Christian home so......" thing.

 

We have had long term foster children that are Hispanic and shorter term ones that were Hispanic, Asian, Black, Native, and multiracial. It is nice for the kids to have more kids that look like them in church. We are not actively fostering right now but if we do again in the future that is a consideration.

 

Yesterday at the combined service with the Hispanic church the pastor from that church shared how many of the people in his church feel isolated in the community and not really welcomed. We don't want to be a part of that problem either.

 

Off my soapbox now😀

[mom@shiloh]

Well, you know what they say about finding the perfect church, right?  If you find it, don't join because you'll ruin it.  :)

 

We've never had the opportunity to ruin a church because we've never found a perfect one either.  I do sympathize with you though.  It's hard.  But worthwhile.  I hope you're able to find something soon.  For me, I've never felt completely at home in a place until we have a church community, no matter how stumbling, broken and imperfect it is.  

[TravelingChris]

We recently were travelling in a rural area but for miles and miles. The only churches we saw were some variety of Baptist and Church of Christ. I remarked to my dh that I don't think I would like to get a vacation home in that area even though it is beautiful. So I get you, Ottakee.

[Bluegoat]

I know I won't find everything and certainly other things are higher on the list than others.

 

The music is definitely a preference thing, just something I really miss from my growing up days.

 

 

I think this is a very important point

I am white/Native so not super critical for me. My kids are all adopted and part Native but can pass for white and have more of a white culture. DH is Native (although many think he is Hispanic) and that is a bit tougher. Some churches in our mostly white area are of the "we don't want THAT type in our church" and teach that interracial dating/marriage is wrong, etc. Also, my husband was saved as a late teen and didn't grow up in a Protestant church and sadly some people are of the mindset that, "well, you weren't born and raised in a Christian home so......" thing.

 

We have had long term foster children that are Hispanic and shorter term ones that were Hispanic, Asian, Black, Native, and multiracial. It is nice for the kids to have more kids that look like them in church. We are not actively fostering right now but if we do again in the future that is a consideration.

 

Yesterday at the combined service with the Hispanic church the pastor from that church shared how many of the people in his church feel isolated in the community and not really welcomed. We don't want to be a part of that problem either.

 

Off my soapbox now😀

 

Oh, yes, if you are looking for something like that it can make more sense.

 

That being said, demographics don't change unless people change them.  The Catholic church across the street from mine used to be very Irish in terms of congregation - it now has a large African component.  The change reflected newer people moving into the community.  Being Catholic, they just went to the nearest Catholic church - what ties them together is the content of their belief and common worship.  We've had a similar shift in our Anglican and historically German/English congregation.  It's an interesting change because the neighbourhood of both parishes is about 50% black, but most black families here are Baptist so are going to the black Baptist parish, so it's been new immigration that has caused the shift.