Mixed Gender Suites?

[Job121]

DS is signing up for admitted student day. What is mixed-gender suites anyway? Coed dorms? 

[Mom22ns]

I think finding sex-segregated dorms is a rarity. They are almost all coed. As stated above, some are segregated by hall, some by suite and some by room. 

 

Mixed gender suites are suites (usually defined as a group of rooms sharing a bathroom(s)) in which the rooms may not all be the same gender. My ds considered one for next year, but was able to get a 1 br apartment instead. In ds's case, the mixed gender suite would have been in a dorm where there are 4, 1-person rooms and 2 bathrooms per suite. I'm guessing they would put two girls and 2 guys in the suite, but it could be any mixture. All the dorms on his campus are coed, and most are segregated by suite. 

 

Dd's campus has a variety of suite floor plans, double-double, triple-single, double-single-single. They do not have any coed suites. Most of their dorms are sex segregated by hall. They just added a hall that is segregated by suite. 

[Job121]

I understand that coed and mixed-gender can be arranged in different ways. Will boys and girls share a room? Same room? Even a bathroom? 

[SanDiegoMom]

When we were looking at Berkeley the traditional dorm rooms were coed floors and they all shared the same bathroom. I was a little weirded out by that - they did it because the building was so old it only had one bathroom per floor and no one wanted to trek to another floor all the time.

 

My friend from Yale shared a coed bathroom as well, back in the 90's. But that was only 10 people as compared to like thirty.

[gstharr]

When we were looking at Berkeley the traditional dorm rooms were coed floors and they all shared the same bathroom. I was a little weirded out by that - they did it because the building was so old it only had one bathroom per floor and no one wanted to trek to another floor all the time.

 

My friend from Yale shared a coed bathroom as well, back in the 90's. But that was only 10 people as compared to like thirty.

 

 

   My undergrad school was similar.  Except the informal dorm code required you to be an overnight guest of someone on the floor to use the opposite sex restroom.  No secrets there.

[happypamama]

   My undergrad school was similar.  Except the informal dorm code required you to be an overnight guest of someone on the floor to use the opposite sex restroom.  No secrets there.

Our dorm was co-ed by floor/section, but each section had a bathroom for that gender.  DH and I lived in the same dorm on different floors, and if I was hanging out in his room, I had to go to a different floor to use the bathroom.  But we didn't have rules about visiting hours or anything, and nobody cared.

 

Otoh, we had friends who lived in a male only dorm, and the only bathroom for females was down on the first floor, and women weren't allowed to be unaccompanied in the dorm, so if we were all hanging out there, one of the guys had to walk down to the first floor with us girls.  That was a bit silly, although at least the rules were the same in reverse in the all female dorms.  I don't know how they are these days though.

[Matryoshka]

My dorm back in the '80s was coed by room, and we had coed bathrooms.

 

My dds' dorms are coed by hallway (girls only in one wing, boys only in the other), and have single sex bathrooms. This seemed to be the norm in the other colleges we visited, too. I feel like things got more conservative. ..

Edited April 2, 2017 by Matryoshka

[Joker]

Some have housing that can be mixed gender including rooms and bathrooms. Ds is looking heavily at Purdue because it's close by and they have a gender inclusive housing option. He has a few friends going as well so they could choose to room together in a two bedroom suite with a shared bathroom. He and one of his female friends would like to share a room. Ds is trans and is really only looking at places that have similar set ups. He's really turned off by the schools that have co-ed dorms but non co-ed bathrooms, which surprisingly was many of the schools we've looked at so far. 

[Hoggirl]

The concept of gender-neutral bathrooms at a university was hard for me to get my head around until I actually saw one. At ds's school the shower stalls and toilet stalls have floor to ceiling locking doors. Pretty much only the sinks are "shared." Honestly, much more private and secure than in my college dorm (which was a single sex dorm) that had two flimsy curtains for privacy. In the men's dorm at my alma mater, there was no privacy at all. Either shower heads all lined up in a row with no dividers or a single pole in the center with multiple heads all around. I imagine that has since changed. Until now ds has always had single sex bathrooms, but upon his return for spring quarter he was assigned to a dorm with gender neutral bathrooms.

 

Ds's grandfather freaked out at the thought of gender neutral bathrooms. He is 81 years old, however. He seemed to be most concerned about girls drying their hair around the sinks! "I wouldn't want some girl drying her hair next to me!" Which, honestly made me wonder when and where mil dried her hair!

[Gwen in VA]

My housing in the 80's was mixed housing. Rooms were single-sex, but bathrooms were coed.

 

The bathrooms had a large area, so you definitely had to brush your teeth with people of the opposite gender, but the each bathroom had two adjoining rooms each with a toilet and shower. Each toilet/shower was separated from the sink area by a huge HEAVY lockable door. It worked! (Also we only had between 4 and 9 people per bathroom, so you knew the people you were sharing the bathroom with pretty well!)

 

So coed bathrooms CAN work wonderfully!

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Suites implies that there aren't hall baths but rather private baths that correspond to a small set of rooms.  I would guess a mixed-gender suite means that your roommate might be the same sex but the room next door could be opposite sex.  Bathrooms divided up either as the suite mates desire or as architecture dictates.  Also possible that each suite is same gender but the floor is coed. Some suites have a shared kitchenette and living room too.

 

Down side to the suite system (for some) is that the students typically clean their own baths and purchase all cleaning supplies and toilet paper.

[GoodGrief]

The housing setup is definitely something to consider if you have a kid that would prefer one over the other. Also keep in mind that though a suite may be single gender, one may find roommates bringing in guests of the opposite gender to use it...even the shower :-) A single gender hall bath is likely to offer the most privacy from the opposite gender.

[EKS]

My housing in the 80's was mixed housing. Rooms were single-sex, but bathrooms were coed.

 

Same here.  No issues.

[Lawyer&Mom]

I went to Berkeley. I had a coed restroom. Never once had an issue. People had such different schedules that there was very rarely more than a few people in the restroom at a time. And brushing your teeth next to the guy from down the hall becomes mundane rather quickly.

[8filltheheart]

It would be a complete and total deal breaker for dd. She is incredibly modest and it would be a no way for her.

[Lawyer&Mom]

It would be a complete and total deal breaker for dd. She is incredibly modest and it would be a no way for her.

We had a girl on our floor who was uncomfortable. She was quickly moved to a different dorm. Coed restrooms were the norm, but definitely not mandatory.

[GoodGrief]

It would be a complete and total deal breaker for dd. She is incredibly modest and it would be a no way for her.

 

Same for my second daughter. And though my oldest was fine with it at face value, in retrospect it was a terrible idea for her.

[creekland]

It would be a complete and total deal breaker for dd. She is incredibly modest and it would be a no way for her.

 

If you are talking about co-ed restrooms, be sure to look at what is offered before coming to this conclusion.  The co-ed restrooms at youngest's college offer far more privacy than the single gender restrooms my other two boys had/have at their schools.  At the co-ed one, there is a floor to ceiling door that one locks (and that says occupied on it when locked) for complete privacy with the toilet, sink, and shower.  There's no chance of anyone walking in on you.

 

There is a group of sinks (and mirrors) outside of these "stalls," but one wouldn't have to use them if they didn't want to.  When I've been visiting I've only seen these used when students just want to wash hands.

 

I love the privacy of these restrooms and wish all public restrooms (even those outside of colleges) would use this model.  

 

If you are talking mixed gender suites, then that's different - and more akin to a house with mixed gender offspring - often with each having their own bedroom.  If she (or anyone reading) wouldn't care for that, definitely check to see if more traditional housing is offered somewhere.  Many kids like having their own bedroom and sharing a common space, but not all.

[Hoggirl]

It would be a complete and total deal breaker for dd. She is incredibly modest and it would be a no way for her.

I guess the issue is that while your dd could choose to maintain her modesty, she'd have no say in the modesty levels of those around her.

Edited April 3, 2017 by Hoggirl

[Kathy in Richmond]

You really need to look into the specifics of each and every situation.

 

My son lived in a mixed gender suite in college. Ten kids shared two bathrooms in that suite, but they were single use bathrooms. You went in & locked the door behind you. I was perfectly comfortable using them.

[justasque]

DS is signing up for admitted student day. What is mixed-gender suites anyway? Coed dorms? 

 

OP, I am curious - for the dozen or so admitted student days I've gone to with my kids (and other people's kids), we just went for the day. Are they offering to put your student up for the night before so they can get a sense of dorm life, and asking you to indicate which type of dorm you prefer for this experience?  Or are you looking over the school and thinking about what your student might end up in, dorm-wise, if they attend?  

 

To add to the general discussion, there's one thing my student's school makes clear regarding their gender inclusive housing:

 

We discourage any student in a relationship with another student from rooming together.  

 

While the Office of Residential Life will not restrict whom you live with, we discourage students who are in an intimate relationship, regardless of sexual orientation, from living together.

[Daria]

Suites implies that there aren't hall baths but rather private baths that correspond to a small set of rooms.  I would guess a mixed-gender suite means that your roommate might be the same sex but the room next door could be opposite sex.  Bathrooms divided up either as the suite mates desire or as architecture dictates.  Also possible that each suite is same gender but the floor is coed. Some suites have a shared kitchenette and living room too.

 

Down side to the suite system (for some) is that the students typically clean their own baths and purchase all cleaning supplies and toilet paper.

 

We had suites with hall baths in college in the '80s.

 

On the first floor, 2 suites (groups of rooms clustered around a living area), shared a large accessible bathroom.  Those suites were single sex, and the bathrooms were in theory, but in reality everyone's boyfriend used ours, because there was no other place to go that didn't involve going through multiple locked doors.

 

On the upper floors, the large bathroom was cut into 2 (still with multiples stalls).  If you were a guy and lived in the suite with the women's bathroom you went next door, and vice versa.  There was no door between the suites, and the doors to the bathrooms were essentially next to each other.

[8filltheheart]

I guess the issue is that while your dd could choose to maintain her modesty, she'd have no say in the modesty levels of those around her.

True. Some dorm situations make it easier than others.

 

She has 7 siblings. It isn't as if she isn't used to sharing her bedroom or bathroom.

 

This was a huge issue for her when it came to looking at dorm life. I completely respect the fact that this is not a simple thing for her. It has never been an issue for her siblings, but she isn't one of them.

Edited April 3, 2017 by 8FillTheHeart

[creekland]

And seriously. She has 7 siblings, 3 male and 2 female amg the older kids. It isn't as if she isn't used to sharing her bedroom or bathroom. It really doesn't matter if I feel perfectly comfortable with a situation. She is the one that has to live there. This was a huge issue for her when it came to looking at dorm life.

 

This is exactly why I tell students they need to look at the situation in person.  Some get turned off immediately by the term "co-ed bathrooms!"  Yet some of these co-ed bathrooms are far more private than the gang bathrooms that are typical.  (Others aren't.)  At youngest son's school, everyone we talked with about the bathrooms (kids and parents at Parent's Day weekend) were impressed and quite pleased.  Calling them "Shared Private Bathrooms" would probably be more accurate TBH.

 

This is really like many other things at colleges - what College A offers isn't necessarily what College B offers even if they are called the same thing.  Generalizing or just assuming they all are the same is a fallacy.  More investigation is necessary - even between dorms at the same school sometimes.

[8filltheheart]

This is exactly why I tell students they need to look at the situation in person. Some get turned off immediately by the term "co-ed bathrooms!" Yet some of these co-ed bathrooms are far more private than the gang bathrooms that are typical. (Others aren't.) At youngest son's school, everyone we talked with about the bathrooms (kids and parents at Parent's Day weekend) were impressed and quite pleased. Calling them "Shared Private Bathrooms" would probably be more accurate TBH.

 

This is really like many other things at colleges - what College A offers isn't necessarily what College B offers even if they are called the same thing. Generalizing or just assuming they all are the same is a fallacy. More investigation is necessary - even between dorms at the same school sometimes.

And why exactly do you assume that the issue is lack of investigation? She spent a lot of time investigating dorm life bc this is a huge issue for her. It says nothing about anyone else. It was a huge issue for HER.

 

Fwiw, she ended up selecting a private room that shares a bath with another single private room on the other side of the bathroom. That was what made her feel comfortable.

[creekland]

And why exactly do you assume that the issue is lack of investigation? She spent a lot of time investigating dorm life bc this is a huge issue for her. It says nothing about anyone else. It was a huge issue for HER.

 

Fwiw, she ended up selecting a private room that shares a bath with another single private room on the other side of the bathroom. That was what made her feel comfortable.

 

I'm writing for others reading who are looking at this and wondering (part of the reason the question was asked).  It's a situation I see often at school or among parents - not understanding that the terms differ between schools or even dorms.  ;)  I know I made an incorrect assumption back in the days when my kids were looking.

 

Your daughter has selected her college.  I've no doubt she's happy with her selection.

[8filltheheart]

I'm writing for others reading who are looking at this and wondering (part of the reason the question was asked). It's a situation I see often at school or among parents - not understanding that the terms differ between schools or even dorms. ;) I know I made an incorrect assumption back in the days when my kids were looking.

 

Your daughter has selected her college. I've no doubt she's happy with her selection.

Yes, people need to investigate. But, no, just bc people on this thread don't think there is an issue does not mean that individual students won't.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

When evaluating campus living be sure to ask questions about living accommodations past the first year.  Tours typically show "freshman" dorms but don't focus much on the 3 years that follow.  Some schools assume multiple semesters off campus, some have enough dorm space for all, some have on campus apartments, some live in-house with their Greek affiliation, Honors housing, athletes housing, it varies greatly.  On campus spaces also vary greatly from building to building-often reflective of the time period of construction.  

 

Everyone has very different expectations, needs, and desires when it comes to on campus living and no campus can please 100% of the students.  If housing is a hot button issue for the prospective student then a visit and some great questions posed to the tour guide can really help clarify what is available.  (Yes, some kids really don't focus that much on the dorms-is there a bed, desk, shower? Yes.  Ok, done.  Others will investigate, measure, plan and decorate at a level worthy of a DIY show on cable TV.)

 

Keep in mind that housing for a graduate level student is another issue altogether.  For those with a 5 year bachelors/masters program you might want to ask what happens with housing in year 5.

[Nan in Mass]

We had coed bathrooms. The whole hall shared one. The showers had individual changing rooms with attached showers but you could see peoples feet. The first two stalls were for standing up and the rest were for sitting down. It was a non-issue for everyone I knew. We were told we would get used t it and we did. There were noncoed dorms where the others were only allowed in the visiting room so I think probably that is where the people who didn't want to deal with coed bathrooms wound up. Actually it was a lot more comfortable than at my first college where the bathrooms were all girls but had no privacy in the shower area.