Kids who sneak food

[EMS83]

Maybe a protein bar or other small snack an hour before a meal might help, Zinnia?  It's sugars the body craves, but protein for some reason seems to help even the roller coaster out.  I HAVE to have a good amount of both for breakfast or it is really hard to stay sane by mid-morning.

 

 

I mentioned this to my kids at dinner (totally neutral and casual).  I got a confession for sneaking a boiled peanut before dinner.  And an acknowledgment of past candy-sneaking crimes and temptations (we'd already dealt with it; it was a few M&M's in passing sort of deal).  Interestingly, the peanut culprit (using this loosely to avoid pronouns) also described anxiety symptoms experienced while debating on whether to confess or not.  So we talked about that.

 

And then they had incredible fun coming up with their own solutions.  My 6-year-old said to lock up the kids, not the candy.  Alternately, he would hire a policeman to hang out in the living room at night.  Oldest suggested group discipline until someone comes forward, or to get rid of the candy.  My middle suggested locking up candy behind a dozen doors a la Looney Tunes.  There were wackier and more disturbing ones (chomping clown candy bowl srsly?!)...I'm now wondering what I've done to traumatize them so badly.   :lol:   Anyway, hopefully that doesn't make you feel bad, OP.  It's for humor at our expense.  :D  :grouphug:

 

 

Terabith--We used to still have Halloween candy at Easter and vice versa...it's just a thing for some people.  My DH would end up eating the kids' candy though, so I let them go through it faster these days.  Oh, and I buy him his own bag for each candy holiday, lol.  Different frameworks not only for different families, but also for different stages within each family.  If eating the holiday candy slowly when doled out is part of their framework, then it's a reasonable expectation for the candy to still be there when she goes to dole it out, kwim?

 

[Tanaqui]

Catwoman, I think you're reading a bit more into this than is there.

 

First, I read the OP's post pretty clearly as "The kids are allowed to eat pretty much anything except for a very few items which I ration because I don't buy that much of them". As an adult, I find this is easy to understand... though I can see how her kids might either not understand it, might get confused as to which items are on which list, or might forget in the heat of the moment.

 

Secondly, kids lie for all the same reasons as adults lie. If they aren't going to get punished, and know they aren't, they might still lie to avoid disappointing their mom. To them, "No, I didn't eat all the chips!" might not be very different from "Yes, Grandma, I loved the socks and underwear you gave me for Christmas! They're the perfect gift!" Sure, from our adult perspective it's obvious that the latter will please Grandma and the former will make Mom sad... but from theirs it's all a harmless white lie. And even when they see that it's not working... I don't know if you've ever had this experience, but I found out as a kid that once I told a lie, it was too embarrassing to change it, even if everybody saw through it and it caused more problems than it solved. This can't be unique to me, it's a classic sitcom plot. Better to stick to the truth!

 

Of course, this presupposes that they did lie. As others have suggested, it's possible that they each had a handful or two, stretched out over the course of a few weeks. Thus none of them "ate all the chips", the chips just disappeared and it's not *their* fault.

 

As far as eating disorders go, meh. I can see how having a generally unhealthy attitude towards food can lead to an eating disorder. Locking up all the food would be a really bad idea. However, I don't see how locking away or hiding a few special "treats" is any more likely to cause problems than simply never buying those foods in the first place, not if the kids are allowed to mostly freely eat any of the other foods in the house, especially if the treats are doled out on a fairly regular basis and not tied to things like good behavior or minor boo-boos. If anything, I think you're more likely to cause problems by visibly worrying about how much candy your kids eat, but not actually making any moves to limit it. But if the problem the OP describes is solved by simply marking off reserved foods, then that's bound to be easier.

 

StephanieZ, your comments are completely uncalled for. There was no need to start off with "horrifying", no need to then insinuate that all the rest of us are bad parents who don't want our kids to become independent adults, and certainly no need to snidely suggest that the people you're speaking to are ignoramuses who can't figure out how to block you. We shouldn't need to block people for acting childish - you should act your age! You say you treat your children with respect, but does that make it okay to be rude to everybody else? I certainly hope you talk to your kids more graciously than you've spoken to all of us here.

[Lawana]

And really, there is a world of difference between "You (all) are a lousy bunch of kids that I can't trust to stay out of the chips" and "I understand it is really hard to resist a bag of chocolate! just sitting there in the pantry all lonely like" "so I am going to lock this cabinet."

[OneStepAtATime]

OneStepAtATime, thanks for that post.  That gives me insight to my food sneaker.  He is such a bear in the 15 minutes before a meal that we have begun to suspect hypoglycemia.  And like you, he can tell us that sneaking is a bad idea, seems to feel remorse about it, and yet, we still will find candy wrappers or whatever lying around.  It has introduced a level of shame over this behavior that I hate. He seems so disappointed in himself, yet genuinely unable to stop.  We've just not had the most offensive things (candy, chocolate chips, marshmallows) in the house since the new year, but I've been torn about going that route.  It makes me feel better to hear that approach seen as a kindness to the kid with an issue. So thanks for that.

Can you get a glucose tolerance test?  I assume they still do those to confirm hypoglycemia.  Getting confirmation would be a good idea.  If he is hypoglycemic you can help him learn to manage his blood sugar levels and keep from having those really bad cravings and mood swings.  Knowledge is power.

 

If you do decide to get a test done, it really is a fairly simple procedure.  My first one wasn't an issue.  As a warning, thought, I will mention I had a multi-hour glucose tolerance test as a teenager and it nearly went very badly.  Make sure you have a snack for your child, and something like fruit juice to drink to help bring his levels back up just in case they don't provide them afterwards. The hospital I had the test done at (to confirm my original diagnosis) did a very long test.  My glucose levels plummeted.  They confirmed the diagnosis.  However, we were nowhere near home and they gave me NOTHING to eat or drink afterwards.  Mom was driving me home and my glucose levels kept dropping.  I stopped being able to move my limbs.  I could feel I was in trouble and I barely had enough control left to let Mom know something was wrong.  I could barely talk.  II felt like I was going to lose consciousness.  Mom pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant, ran inside and grabbed candies from a bowl on the counter.  She asked the restaurant manager to get me juice.  Eventually I was able to stagger into the restaurant with Mom's help and eat a meal.  It was very scary. 

Edited February 19, 2017 by OneStepAtATime

[38carrots]

Totally normal. All three of my kids will do that. <snip>

 

Sneaking food and lying about it??? :confused:

 

This doesn't seem normal to me at all.

 

[scoutingmom]

This is horrifying. What an awful idea.

We did this with my step-kids because we had to. We would buy stuff to make school lunches, and overnight it would be gone and there was nothing to send for lunch. The one time we were planning on making a meal and need to buy a couple of ingredients. We asked the teenager not to eat the other ingredients and went to the store 5 minutes away to buy what we needed, came home not 20 minutes later and it was gone. It was a pain, it may be horrifying to others that have never been in the situation.... But what was the alternative? Never have food to send with the 9yo for lunch? Having to buy food everyday because ingredients for meals were eaten? Discipline was ineffective.

 

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[Joker]

Sneaking food and lying about it??? :confused:

 

This doesn't seem normal to me at all.

 

I did it, dh did it, and so did my oldest dc. We are all just fine now as adults (oldest is 17).

 

I lied a lot when little but I wasn't afraid of my parents. I just have always been a huge people pleaser and never wanted to disappoint my parents.

 

Youngest dc would never think to sneak food or lie. I think both of my kids were completely normal as younger children.

[SparklyUnicorn]

OneStepAtATime, thanks for that post.  That gives me insight to my food sneaker.  He is such a bear in the 15 minutes before a meal that we have begun to suspect hypoglycemia.  And like you, he can tell us that sneaking is a bad idea, seems to feel remorse about it, and yet, we still will find candy wrappers or whatever lying around.  It has introduced a level of shame over this behavior that I hate. He seems so disappointed in himself, yet genuinely unable to stop.  We've just not had the most offensive things (candy, chocolate chips, marshmallows) in the house since the new year, but I've been torn about going that route.  It makes me feel better to hear that approach seen as a kindness to the kid with an issue. So thanks for that.

 

I have issues with hypoglycemia that is completely controlled by avoiding certain foods.  He literally could feel starved if this is the issue.  When I get like that I feel like if I don't eat I will die.  And maybe I will.

 

I would try to figure out what the deal actually is because it can be controlled fairly easily.

 

For example, I cannot eat cereal for breakfast (no cold cereal, oatmeal, etc.).  And nothing like a bagel, bread with jam, etc.  I do better with a high protein breakfast.  This was a common meal for me as a kid (cereal or bread) and I'd get the low blood sugar drop which is TERRIBLE...I didn't make the connection for awhile, but after awhile I stopped eating breakfast and noticed I didn't have the issue.   

[SparklyUnicorn]

FWIW, sometimes kids have very poor impulse control.  There can be many underlying reasons.  Logic doesn't always play into this.  Trust doesn't always play into this.

 

I had poor impulse control for sweets.  Why?  I was hypoglycemic.  My mom ended up locking up some of the food I could not have and I am grateful.  She tried talking with me, first, and explaining what a bad idea it was for me to binge eat sweets.  She set limits and I understood logically why I shouldn't eat these things anymore.  I really did understand.  The impulse to eat the sweets was overwhelming, though, and not based on logic at all.  I still stole sweets.  I was like an addict.  And the sneaking was damaging my self-esteem.  I felt like a failure every time I did it but in the moment I couldn't stop.  Mom reduced the number of baking goods and other sweets we had around but that was hard on the rest of my family so she didn't eliminate them entirely.  Locking up the small amount of stuff she still had around that I wasn't supposed to have, explaining why, and making sure she did it in a way that didn't make me feel like a bad person very much helped me stay healthy and learn some self control over time as I got older and adjusted to the changes.  I NEEDED the outside support/physical limits.  I was given unlimited access to foods I COULD eat.  Just not to the stuff I couldn't.

 

(And in case anyone cares, I am a pretty normal adult.  Locking up the sweets didn't cause me lasting psychological damage.)

 

Does this mean I think the OP should lock up the things that keep going missing?  Actually, I have no idea if that is necessary for her particular situation.  Maybe it would be a good idea and maybe it wouldn't.  I do think it might help to have a family discussion, explain why some things shouldn't be eaten, and see if maybe creating a snack shelf of things the kids are absolutely allowed to eat might cut down on the food going missing.  Have a few chocolate chips in baggies with the kids' names on them.  Tell them they each get one of those baggies and when the chips are gone, they can't have any more without asking.  It might help.

 

I don't call that impulse control problems.  I call that medical condition.  You HAD to put food in your body because something was very wrong. 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

I don't call that impulse control problems.  I call that medical condition.  You HAD to put food in your body because something was very wrong. 

 

Well, that too.  I would get very hungry, like ravenously so.  I really did need to eat.  But I tended to grab sweets not protein or whole grains, which actually of course made things worse after the rebound affect had ended.  I needed to eat, but my impulse for sweets was overwhelming.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well, that too.  I would get very hungry, like ravenously so.  I really did need to eat.  But I tended to grab sweets not protein or whole grains, which actually of course made things worse after the rebound affect had ended.  I needed to eat, but my impulse for sweets was overwhelming.

 

When I feel like that I'll grab anything.  Junk is easy and ready to go.  I didn't have time to sit there and cut up vegetables for a salad.  KWIM?  So it is possibly more an issue of convenience. 

 

I don't have much of a sweet tooth.  So it didn't matter to me what it was so long as it was fast and available.

 

I rarely have had this problem in many years because I know how to avoid it.  And generally that works.  Last time I had it was in Germany.  They eat a lot of carbs.  My MIL..oy.  She generally would serve plenty of protein with breakfast.  I'd be fine if that were the case.  One day we had no time so she gave me a slice of white bread.  I felt compelled to eat it.  I paid for that.  It would have been MUCH better for me to just go without it.  She always has food everywhere though (bags of candy in the car).  So of course I had to gorge on candy.  Which I hate.  I don't like candy.  But I felt like I had to eat something or I'd pass out.

[maize]

OneStepAtATime, thanks for that post. That gives me insight to my food sneaker. He is such a bear in the 15 minutes before a meal that we have begun to suspect hypoglycemia. And like you, he can tell us that sneaking is a bad idea, seems to feel remorse about it, and yet, we still will find candy wrappers or whatever lying around. It has introduced a level of shame over this behavior that I hate. He seems so disappointed in himself, yet genuinely unable to stop. We've just not had the most offensive things (candy, chocolate chips, marshmallows) in the house since the new year, but I've been torn about going that route. It makes me feel better to hear that approach seen as a kindness to the kid with an issue. So thanks for that.

If hypoglycemia is the issue I do hope you are not just making him wait until meal time to eat. My hypoglycemia prone child needs to snack frequently, preferably something with protein and fat as well as carbs. Even if meal time is in 15 minutes I wouldn't insist she wait to eat--that is unnecessary misery and she really can't control her behavior at that point.

 

Common snacks here are yoghurt (we prefer full fat), cheese sticks, apples or bananas with peanut butter, peanut butter sandwiches, toast with butter.

Edited February 19, 2017 by maize

[Pam in CT]

When my kids were little, I kept a bowl of fruit out on the counter and a bowl of protein-y stuff (HB eggs, cheese sticks, nuts) on the bottom shelf of the fridge.  They were always allowed to help themselves to anything in either bowl (even if 10 minutes before dinner.  I figured whatever I was serving, wasn't any healthier than the nuts and apples in the bowls....)

 

They're all 14++ now, and they all self-regulate pretty well, choosing reasonably healthy choices nearly all the time.

 

 

 

FWIW, I was NOT raised this way -- more like wait till your father gets home so you have a good appetite for dinner! -- but growing up we had food battles, and to my mind food battles are... goofy.

[StephanieZ]

You guys must be bored.

 

:laugh:

 

Isn't that why we check this board? Because we're bored? LOL

[RoundAbout]

I don't have this problems because I just don't keep snack food in the house. Way too tempting for all of us! We're one of those families where you see the cupboards are full but there's nothing to eat because it all requires cooking :) Snacks are pretty much fruit and cheese or I'll make a mini-meal like a bean burrito. My son gets plenty of sweets and baked goods but its all out of the house like a visit to Starbucks when running errands. If I found stuff disappearing I'd just probably buy it less often.

[2squared]

So now I have to ask...,how many chic chips and over what time period were snacked away? I wouldn't expect my clan to consume a full bag in a day. I would expect them to consume a full bag over a couple weeks' time as that's a few chips per person per day. Not a big deal for us.

 

I keep an open bag of choc chips in my pantry and a full closed bag at all times. The clan grabs out of the open bag for choc craving snacking. They have never opened a new bag. Maybe that's the solution? Just keep an unopened bag for baking? Don't most cookie recipes call for a full bag of chips anyway?

[Barb_]

I have a normal healthy kid who loved the sensation of eating. I had to monitor her because she would eat so much she'd throw up. If I didn't, she'd make herself sick. When we'd go visit a family member, they would feed her as much as she wanted of whatever she wanted. She'd throw up there a lot, because this family member insisted that "She will stop when she gets full!"

 

For my kid, it was that she was very out of touch with her body. She'd focus so much on what she was doing (the pleasure of eating) that she wasn't aware of a too full tummy. IT was like this with a lot of things, pottying, (didn't realize the need was urgent until it was too late) wasn't aware that she was over tired, she just felt grumpy, totally normal kid, but just very out of touch with herself, lacking self awareness.

 

She grew out of it around the age of 12 or so. No nutritionist needed. Just lagging skills in certain areas. Very bright in many areas, lagging in others.

 

None of my other kids had this problem, so it's not a family dynamic around food.

I was this kid. I think I was a sensualist. I would run my nails up and down my arm to put myself to sleep. I loved having my hair braided because the pulling of the hair away from my scalp was delicious. I took hour long showers if someone didn't notice and drag me out. And I also ate sweets until I made myself sick if no one was watching me. I don't do this anymore, and it definitely wasn't a food thing. It was a pleasure thing.

[Bluegoat]

I don't see the difference between putting things where kids can't get them, hiding them, or putting them in a locked place.  Essentially all are removing the temptation, presumably for kids that aren't yet ready for that kind of self-regulation.

 

I think it's a little funny that some think doing that is horrifying, some think instituting a punishment for eating stuff like that is horrifying, and some people think that avoiding the issue by just not buying the product at all is the way to go.  Which is essentially removing access by keeping it at the store.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't see the difference between putting things where kids can't get them, hiding them, or putting them in a locked place. Essentially all are removing the temptation, presumably for kids that aren't yet ready for that kind of self-regulation.

 

I think it's a little funny that some think doing that is horrifying, some think instituting a punishment for eating stuff like that is horrifying, and some people think that avoiding the issue by just not buying the product at all is the way to go. Which is essentially removing access by keeping it at the store.

For me, it's a matter of tone. Dealing with the issue in a punitive "you are bad for doing this" way increases the potential for eating disorders or at least a less than healthy relationship with food, in my opinion. Dealing with it in a "let me come along side you to help solve the problem in a way that helps all of us" fashion doesn't. It may still mean the removal of temptation but with education and cooperation involved.

 

Some of it is a parenting style thing. I'm not an authoritarian parent. I do set boundaries. I'm not a really permissive parent either. But what has worked for us is having a lot of dialogue about food and nutrition. Our kitchen is not my exclusive domain though and my kids have been involved in cooking, baking, adding to the communal grocery list and helping me shop since they were 8 years old. I'm confident that my teens are on board with good food habits as well as skilled in food selection and preparation because of it . (I'm not saying that there aren't other ways to achieve this- just that this way has worked out for us. )

[Tanaqui]

For me, it's a matter of tone. Dealing with the issue in a punitive "you are bad for doing this" way increases the potential for eating disorders or at least a less than healthy relationship with food, in my opinion. Dealing with it in a "let me come along side you to help solve the problem in a way that helps all of us" fashion doesn't. It may still mean the removal of temptation but with education and cooperation involved.

 

But you can lock or hide things without stating or implying that you're doing it because your kids are bad or that this is a punishment. I don't think anybody here is suggesting that the OP shame or berate her kids.

[SKL]

Yeah, I asked my sister to lock up her gun because my kid has said suicidal things in the past.  My kid has not been told that she is bad or needs punished.

 

If I had to lock up the choc chips vs. hide them, I'd probably tell my kids "I need to make sure these chips are here when I go to bake cookies."  Period.  If that makes a certain individual feel funny, well, maybe that isn't a bad thing!

[Jean in Newcastle]

But you can lock or hide things without stating or implying that you're doing it because your kids are bad or that this is a punishment. I don't think anybody here is suggesting that the OP shame or berate her kids.

 

Some of the language in some of the posts sounded punitive and did not talk at all about having open communication which in my opinion should come long before there is any locking up of anything. 

[Bluegoat]

Some of the language in some of the posts sounded punitive and did not talk at all about having open communication which in my opinion should come long before there is any locking up of anything. 

 

I think everyone assumes that people have said "kids, don't eat that, it's meant for xyz."  I'm not sure how much more open it needs to be, really.  Eating the items in question is either unaffordable, unhealthy, or lacks consideration of others.  If kids are old enough to understand that there is really no need to say it more than once.

[Tanaqui]

Some of the language in some of the posts sounded punitive and did not talk at all about having open communication which in my opinion should come long before there is any locking up of anything. 

 

I guess we're all assuming that the OP already asked her children, more than once, not to eat these specific items.