Oops...religious education fail!

[ktgrok]

Well, fails, plural actually. 

 

First, on the way to drop off my 6 yr old at Vacation Bible School, the 3 year old announced from the back seat that when he grows up, he's going to be Jesus. I tried to explain that he couldn't BE Jesus, he could be LIKE Jesus, and a Christian, and.....etc etc. But he's three, and he'd woken up too early, and by the end I was like, whatever dude, be Jesus. Fine. 

 

Then, tonight on the way to the church again (I was way overdue for confession and this was the last time to go before the VBS celebration Mass on Friday), my daughter and I were talking about various religious things, and the subject of communion came up. 

 

DD: Is Jesus REALLY in the bread? REALLY?

 

Me: Yes, honey, we believe he really is, in a special way that we can't explain. And so when you take communion, and eat the bread you take Jesus inside of you. Which is really cool. When you are older you will have communion too!

 

DD: Well, I hope I don't get the piece of bread with Jesus's feet in it - feet are stinky!!!!

 

:lol:

[regentrude]

:001_smile: Seeing that adults fought bloody wars over whether Jesus is REALLY in the bread or not, I find your DD's question a very reasonable one.

 

Edit: smiley face added since I did not want a heavy debate either 

Edited June 16, 2016 by regentrude

[ktgrok]

Seeing that adults fought bloody wars over whether Jesus is REALLY in the bread or not, I find your DD's question a very reasonable one.

 

Absolutely, and I was careful to say that "WE believe....". When she's older we will get into doctrinal differences. But I really just wanted to focus on the funny feet part, not start another heavy thread. Cause stinky Jesus feet is pretty funny. 

 

I did assure her it just tastes like bread, no matter which piece you get :)

[SemiSweet]

:rofl:

[KarenNC]

When my daughter was about 6, we were walking with friends (another mom and her children) past the church where we were married. My daughter pointed it out to her friend, who then asked if we still went to that church. I said no, we didn't. When asked why, I said that we had realized we weren't Christian, so that didn't work well for us anymore (my husband and I had left that church years before my daughter was born, she's grown up Unitarian Universalist).

 

My daughter got mad and said, "We *are* Christian!"

"No, honey, we aren't."

She stomped her foot. "We are, too! Daddy believes in Buddha!!"

 

And back to the UU religious education drawing board! She gets it now. ;)

[ktgrok]

When my daughter was about 6, we were walking with friends (another mom and her children) past the church where we were married. My daughter pointed it out to her friend, who then asked if we still went to that church. I said no, we didn't. When asked why, I said that we had realized we weren't Christian, so that didn't work well for us anymore (my husband and I had left that church years before my daughter was born, she's grown up Unitarian Universalist).

 

My daughter got mad and said, "We *are* Christian!"

"No, honey, we aren't."

She stomped her foot. "We are, too! Daddy believes in Buddha!!"

 

And back to the UU religious education drawing board! She gets it now. ;)

 

HA!!! Love it!

[momacacia]

When 3yo was 2, he used to go on and on about how he made the sky, the clouds, the elephants, whatever it was at the moment. "Yeah, I made that." He'd say. I told DH we had a real God complex to deal with in this one.

[Daria]

My 17 year old is very involved in theater.  They just finished Titanic, and in a week they start Jesus Christ Superstar.  I made a quip about how the director must not like surprise endings, and he asked me "You mean you know how Jesus Christ Superstar ends?"  

 

I have clearly failed my son. 

[Guest]

This thread is bringing me many chuckles. Thank you all. :)

 

When my oldest was two we had a relative die and explained to her that he went to be in heaven. We always pointed up when we said it and we discussed heaven here and there afterwards- she never said much. About a year later she asked us how could everyone that went to heaven possibly fit in our attic.

Edited June 16, 2016 by texasmom33

[freesia]

3 year olds--yeah, wow!

 

It so completely see that SAME exact conversation--and ending happening here when I had three year olds.

[PeachyDoodle]

Absolutely, and I was careful to say that "WE believe....". When she's older we will get into doctrinal differences. But I really just wanted to focus on the funny feet part, not start another heavy thread. Cause stinky Jesus feet is pretty funny. 

 

I did assure her it just tastes like bread, no matter which piece you get :)

 

:lol:

 

Stinky Jesus Feet sounds like the name of a bad 90's Christian rock band!

[freesia]

I read this to my dh, who is a pastor. After laughing about three year olds, he said, "yes, sometimes we do get the stinky feet," in his serious, theological tone ( I'm guessing implying servanthood and/ or persecution). So, there, not a fail--a profound theologian.

[Dmmetler]

My 17 year old is very involved in theater. They just finished Titanic, and in a week they start Jesus Christ Superstar. I made a quip about how the director must not like surprise endings, and he asked me "You mean you know how Jesus Christ Superstar ends?"

 

I have clearly failed my son.

In fairness, JCS does end in the middle-it always bothered me that it ended with the crucifixion, not the resurrection or the Ascention.

[GailV]

My 17 year old is very involved in theater.  They just finished Titanic, and in a week they start Jesus Christ Superstar.  I made a quip about how the director must not like surprise endings, and he asked me "You mean you know how Jesus Christ Superstar ends?"  

 

I have clearly failed my son. 

 

What makes this even funnier is that during James Corden's medley at the beginning of the Tonys last Sunday (which I would assume a lot of theater kids watched), when he got to Jesus Christ Superstar he yelled out, "Spoiler alert -- he dies!"  Everyone laughed because, hey, everybody knows how that one ends even if they've never seen JCS, right? 

[EndOfOrdinary]

A friend of Ds' firmly believed Lent was a second form of Christmas, only after 40 days you had to give the gift back because the person only "lent" it to you. His mother was mortified as he explained in all seriousness. Youth group failure.

 

When lighting the Advent candles the kids get to use a big long wick candle starter and light the candles. Pastor helps while saying, "the candle if love" or "the candle of hope" or whichever. Without exception almost every time there is always a "candle of --oh be careful--" since the group of kids is so excited yet dealing with open flame that ev.er.y.one has to huddle as close to as possible. For the longest time Ds thought there was a candle of being careful which rotated through.

 

Ds had never grown up with the idea of Santa. At five, he was very concerned when his friend kept talking about their parents sneaking off to the store to buy things, lying about it, and leaving them places. He told me in a very grave voice that "Something is really wring at Simon's house. His parents are lying to him and do not seem to love him anymore." Took forever to figure out what on earth Ds was talking about!

[4arrows]

The stinky feet part WAS funny!  :)

[Terabith]

When my youngest was two, we were going up for Communion, and she began narrating the whole process very loudly.

 

"You're going to put Jesus in your mouth, and then He's going to go down your esophagus and into your small intestine and then into your large intestine and then you are going to POOP OUT JESUS!"

 

This was a few weeks after Christmas, when she explained to the entire church where babies came from and why the Virgin birth was different during the children's sermon after the poor priest asked the children what made Christmas special.

 

We started going to a different service, and I abruptly changed my view about the importance of children being in the service and started sending her to the nursery.

[Guest]

When my youngest was two, we were going up for Communion, and she began narrating the whole process very loudly.

 

"You're going to put Jesus in your mouth, and then He's going to go down your esophagus and into your small intestine and then into your large intestine and then you are going to POOP OUT JESUS!"

 

This was a few weeks after Christmas, when she explained to the entire church where babies came from and why the Virgin birth was different during the children's sermon after the poor priest asked the children what made Christmas special.

 

We started going to a different service, and I abruptly changed my view about the importance of children being in the service and started sending her to the nursery.

Oh my goodness I cannot stop laughing!!!! I am sure that was mortifying but those are some of the best stories. I think this is my favorite funny thread of all time. :)

[Caroline]

When he was 3, my nephew's goldfish died. They had a nice ceremony and flushed him. My sister said the goldfish was going to live with God just like his grandmother. A couple days later, my sister noticed my nephew was spending a lot of time in the bathroom. When asked why he said he was talking to God.

[imagine.more]

Too funny!

 

A few months ago I was prepping my little kids for first communion since DH was coming into the Byzantine Rite and they commune all ages. My 3 year old at mass pointed to the crucifix and startes jabbering about Jesus. Seizing the moment I said, "yes! You know, soon you're going to take communion and then you'll have God's life in you and you can be more like Jesus. Do you want to be like Jesus?" Her eyes brighten up and she enthusiastically replies, "Yes! I a be a wike Jesus!" As I mentally pat myself on the back she proceeds to start taking her shirt and shoes off. In alarm I'm all, "what are you doing?! Stop!" And she says, unperturbed, "I a be a wike a Jesus! I a take a my shirt off!" And points to the crucifix where in fact Jesus has no shirt or shoes on :D haha!

[Amber in SJ]

I teach the 11-12 year old Sunday School, and every year (EVERY YEAR, PEOPLE!) I have to explain circumcision to my class.  Every year I try to gloss over it by saying something vague like, "The physical manifestation of the covenant between God and the descendants of Abraham"  And every year some kid doesn't go for it and I have to go there.  If you don't want your child to hear the words "foreskin" or "pen*s" at church, you might want to skip my class.  There is some other exciting stuff in the scriptures particularly when we do to Old Testament.  I keep thinking the parents are going to rise up in protest and I will get released, but it hasn't happened so far.

 

One Sunday I was asked to step in & watch my dd's class for a moment.   There I was with nine 4yo kids trying to figure out what their lesson was about so far.  On the white board it said "How can I live with Jesus again?"  So I started asking for their answers.  Most of the kids said cute things like "Listen to your mommy,"  or "Be nice," or "Keep the commandments."  Not my daughter.  When it was her turn she said, "Die.  You have to be dead to live with Jesus."  This caused a mini uproar.  One kid started crying that he didn't want to die.  Their regular teacher showed up & I left.

 

Amber in SJ

[TheReader]

My worst fail in this area was the year my youngest asked us if Jesus was actually real, not pretend. He was 6 or so, and yet somehow we had managed not to convey this important truth in all his times of having us read the Bible to him. Oops.

 

The funniest, though, was when we tried explaining Lent. We explained to them that it was a time of giving up something for a time, as a way of sharing in Christ's suffering and preparing for Easter. The older boys understood, but the youngest (still around 6) kept trying to give up things like school work, chores, etc. He went on and on and on with various options for me, "furniture, or school? Sewing, or school? Pizza or school? Swimming, or school?" and so forth and so on until eventually he asked me "us, or school?" Finally he had me, lol!

[Daria]

When my youngest was two, we were going up for Communion, and she began narrating the whole process very loudly.

 

"You're going to put Jesus in your mouth, and then He's going to go down your esophagus and into your small intestine and then into your large intestine and then you are going to POOP OUT JESUS!"

 

This was a few weeks after Christmas, when she explained to the entire church where babies came from and why the Virgin birth was different during the children's sermon after the poor priest asked the children what made Christmas special.

 

We started going to a different service, and I abruptly changed my view about the importance of children being in the service and started sending her to the nursery.

 

I think our 2 year olds would have gotten along. 

 

I always swore that I would answer all of my child's questions about sex fully and honestly . .  

 

Then I had a 2 year old who stood on the pew during the Nativity pageant at Grandma's church and asked 

 

"Where Jesus?"  I not see Jesus!"

 

"He's still in Mary's belly, we'll see him soon.  Shhh"

 

"Mary ate Jesus?" (at the top of his lungs)

 

"No, he's growing in there.  He's going to be born soon. Now shhh".

 

"How he get there?"

 

"God put him there.  Now let's stop talking."

 

"God put me in your belly?"

 

"No, remember you came from (birthmom's) belly? Let's talk about this at home.  Look there are sheep!"  

 

"Did God put me in "(birthmom's) belly?  How I get in there?"

 

He then dropped the line of questioning, ignored me totally when I tried to bring it up, until 6 months later when he started questioning me in lots of detail about his birth, in the changing room at the pool while I was totally naked.

 

Thanks, kid!

[purpleowl]

When DD#1 was 3, some friends had a baby and named him Paul. DD was excited when I told her the name: "I know that name from church!" I was all proud, for a moment, that she clearly had been learning the Bible stories we'd been telling her. Then she continued. "Yeah, we have a room at church with that name! The Fellowship Paul!"

[Dmmetler]

When my youngest was two, we were going up for Communion, and she began narrating the whole process very loudly.

 

"You're going to put Jesus in your mouth, and then He's going to go down your esophagus and into your small intestine and then into your large intestine and then you are going to POOP OUT JESUS!"

 

This was a few weeks after Christmas, when she explained to the entire church where babies came from and why the Virgin birth was different during the children's sermon after the poor priest asked the children what made Christmas special.

 

We started going to a different service, and I abruptly changed my view about the importance of children being in the service and started sending her to the nursery.

I made this after my DD as a preschooler had managed to embarrass me in not one, but two churches during the space of a couple of weeks. She had a hard time reconciling differing practices between the LCMS church and the UMC one my parents attend...

 

[SarahW]

I made this after my DD as a preschooler had managed to embarrass me in not one, but two churches during the space of a couple of weeks. She had a hard time reconciling differing practices between the LCMS church and the UMC one my parents attend...

 

 

Ha! I love that!

 

Crazypants was brought up in a church that communes from baptism, including babies. If we ended up in a church service where they do first communion later, he would always get up in arms about being "skipped" at the Communion rail. The first few times he would stage whisper "hey! you skipped me!" to the poor confused priest. After a few times, and lots of explanation from DH and I, he's learned to just accept this grave injustice. Now, when we're on the way out we need to quickly explain to the priest why our son gave him a total stink face when he gave him the blessing. 

[ktgrok]

Ha! I love that!

 

Crazypants was brought up in a church that communes from baptism, including babies. If we ended up in a church service where they do first communion later, he would always get up in arms about being "skipped" at the Communion rail. The first few times he would stage whisper "hey! you skipped me!" to the poor confused priest. After a few times, and lots of explanation from DH and I, he's learned to just accept this grave injustice. Now, when we're on the way out we need to quickly explain to the priest why our son gave him a total stink face when he gave him the blessing. 

 

My oldest, the one on the spectrum, took this a step further. He was so upset that he couldn't have communion (and to be fair, mad about a LOT Of things that day, I never should have taken him out in public), that on the way back to our pew he sucked punched a random man right in the gut, who was passing us on his way to get communion himself. 

 

I walked right out of that church and never ever went back. And stopped taking that kid to church with me if he didn't want to go.

[Maus]

I used to be a lot more diligent about reading to my children from the scriptures every evening. When she was about four or five, DD11 once said sweetly, "Mommy, I love it when you read scriptures to us."

 

I was about to congratulate myself when she went on, "They are so boring, they always help me fall asleep."

[Amber in SJ]

My oldest had a speech issue for a couple of years that made her pronunciation of "Jesus" sound like "Cheez-it."  This caused  several funny moments, like the time we went to a living nativity and a sweet older woman decided to ask my toddler,

 

"Do you know who that is, dear?"  pointing to the manger.

 

My dd said, "That is Cheez-it.  I love Cheez-it.  Do you?  Do you love Cheez-it?"  

 

That same year we got her the Little Tykes nativity to play with while we sat in the pew.  After being told to not throw the pieces several times she launched the plastic manger with the baby Jesus inside.  It bounced off the back of the pew in front of us and rolled under several pews.  I wrestled with her for several minutes while trying to whisper to her that we would get the baby Jesus as soon as the meeting was over but I wouldn't let her crawl under several occupied pews to rescue her toy.    Finally, Dh, tired of all the whispering & struggling, picked up dd and started to carry her out of the chapel, so she wouldn't disturb everyone else.  True to form, dd started shrieking;

 

"No, Daddy NO!  I need my Cheez-it!  Give me my Cheez-it!  I need the baby Cheez-it right now!"  

 

She screamed all the way down the aisle and out the doors.

 

I sheepishly looked around at all the people staring at me and said, "She means Jesus."  

 

Because that made sense.

 

Good times.

 

Amber in SJ