This is probably going to sound weird: I don't know how I'm supposed to feel.

[Jenny in Florida]

As I've posted elsewhere, I've been having some (medical) testing done, including a biopsy. I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning at which I'm supposed to get results. The odds are overwhelming that it will turn out to be nothing or, even if it is something, that it's an extremely treatable something.

 

I was a bit nervous and distracted the day of the biopsy, but in the last couple of weeks I've been mostly just chugging along while waiting for results.

 

I sort of have this vision of myself as a hypochondriac, or at least someone who is prone to over-reacting. (And when I said something similar to my husband, his response was, "Well, that makes one of us.")  However, when I look back on my actual medical history, the fact is that, when I get to the point at which I seek help/diagnosis, I'm pretty much always right. 

 

But every now and then I just panic a little. And I just have no idea whether it's . . . I don't know, "appropriate?" "okay?" . . . for me to be as concerned (okay, "worried") as I feel occasionally. Or am I being hysterical or some kind of drama queen? Should I be giving myself a stern talking to about getting my act together and being a grown up? Or is it reasonable for me to want to kind of just hide out and take care of myself today?

 

Today, I'm feeling jittery and just a bit weepy. I was scheduled to do some online tutoring this morning, but I just could not make myself focus. I ended up taking myself off the schedule.

 

I do have to go in to work this afternoon, which I can't get out of. It'll be just a few hours, but somehow all it feels reasonable to expect of me is that I sit here and watch Hulu and look at the birds outside my window until I actually have to leave.

 

So, tell me straight: Am I being a big baby, here?

Edited April 28, 2016 by Jenny in Florida

[Jan in SC]

Not being a baby!!! Hugs to you!!! Medical stuff can be so stressful. I hope you get an all clear.

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[KrissiK]

I think however you feel is all right. I have a history of melanoma and last month had a couple of henky moles biopsies. They were nothing. Absolutely nothing, but my emotions swung between thinking, "it's probably nothing" all the way to tears and wondering how long it would take to die, and would I really want chemo, and how do you make those decisions.... I know, I'm a wacko sometimes. But, I think the important thing with thoughts and emotions ....are they specific to a certain set of circumstances (this one event) or do they govern your life. Biopsies and the possibility of cancer are enough to throw anyone off their game. But, once you know the results, are you able to be at a healthy emotional equilibrium? I think that's really what matters.

[Shelly in IL]

It's scarey. And I don't know how old you are, but hormones don't help the situation! I'm going through some similar things and I get the feeling of hypochondriac! Getting older sucks!

[Pawz4me]

What KrissiK said.

 

I'm prone to catastrophizing about my own medical issues.  I'm not nearly as bad now as I used to be, but from where I'm sitting I'd say the way you're reacting is very normal.  Especially that you can talk to your DH and post here about it.  I tend to keep my worrying and obsessing to myself, which is doubly bad.

 

I sure I hope you get good news! :grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

Nope. Go right ahead and watch Hulu and those birds as much as you can.

[Jenny in Florida]

Thanks, everyone. The funny thing is that I know exactly what I would say to a friend who asked me the same question, but it doesn't sound convincing when I say it to myself.

[Seasider]

I recently had a biopsy that I knew knew knew was going to come back ugly. In those ten days I had made a long mental list of all the things I needed to do before I was incapacitated by what I figured would be an invasive and lengthy treatment plan.

 

But everything came back fine.

 

I think it's very common to worry. The only thing I'd ask you, though, is how calling off might affect your job - it's still rather new, isn't it? It may be a distraction in itself this afternoon, if you can focus on the student, if you've already had the morning to faze out a bit.

[Joules]

I'm in the same boat, Jenny, and I vote for Hulu.  I had a CT this morning for a serious problem, and am now waiting for the call.  I'm not fit to do much of anything, and I don't care.  I'm calling a mental health day.

[Katy]

Totally normal.  Every time DH is more than an hour later than expected and I can't reach him, I start emotionally preparing for the police to show up at my door and tell me he was in an accident.  I confessed this to some other women I know and every single one of them has something she gets anxious about.  Health, husband, kids, or all three.

 

Saying a prayer everything is fine.

[creekland]

I suspect it's a normal feeling and you're in good company.

 

I'll offer  :grouphug: while you wait.

 

IME, almost always (actually, always IME), when things are bad you find out prior to when they told you you would find out.  That doesn't mean it's that way everywhere though.  It's just been that way with me and my circle of IRL friends/family.  Perhaps that can help you worry a little less?

[Jenny in Florida]

I suspect it's a normal feeling and you're in good company.

 

I'll offer  :grouphug: while you wait.

 

IME, almost always (actually, always IME), when things are bad you find out prior to when they told you you would find out.  That doesn't mean it's that way everywhere though.  It's just been that way with me and my circle of IRL friends/family.  Perhaps that can help you worry a little less?

 

That's what I keep telling myself. If the doctors were seriously concerned, they wouldn't wait two weeks to tell me, right?

[Jenny in Florida]

I'm in the same boat, Jenny, and I vote for Hulu.  I had a CT this morning for a serious problem, and am now waiting for the call.  I'm not fit to do much of anything, and I don't care.  I'm calling a mental health day.

 

Sending healthy thoughts your way. 

[Joules]

Sending healthy thoughts your way. 

 

Right back at you!

 

I think I'm going with creekland's idea that if it was really bad they would have called by now :-)

[SparklyUnicorn]

Not being a baby.  I'd say you sound pretty normal. 

 

There is no harm in having something checked out.

[mamiof5]

Health issues are frightening, no you are not being a baby. I don't get the impression you are overreacting either! Or being a big drama queen. It is only human to be concerned of our health and/or of those closer to us. The "what ifs" can take our minds to frightening places (speaks someone who has been having minor health issues of her own, and last night the what ifs took me to the possibility of having cancer, dying, and leaving a husband and 5 kids). Yeah, if I don't control the "what ifs" I can imagine even my kids weeping at my funeral. My point is, you have reasons to feel uneasy, a little worried, a little "off". Hats off to you for trying your best to keep a positive attitude, and keep doing that as much as you can, but also realize it's human to be concerned, and those worrying thoughts and reactions do not make you a drama queen. Will pray the rest of your day goes well, and that everything is well with you health wise!

[mamiof5]

Totally normal. Every time DH is more than an hour later than expected and I can't reach him, I start emotionally preparing for the police to show up at my door and tell me he was in an accident. I confessed this to some other women I know and every single one of them has something she gets anxious about. Health, husband, kids, or all three.

 

Saying a prayer everything is fine.

Thanks for this post. Anxiety was getting the best of me last night. I needed to read I'm not the only one whose brain plays games and cones up with the worse possible scenario :(

[umsami]

No, you're being completely normal.

 

I was surprised at how freaked out I was about my breast biopsy/scare last year.  It bothered me a lot more than I ever thought it would.  The good news it that I had the results in 24 hours and they were fine... but still, it was a surprise.

 

:grouphug: and prayers.  I second the "usually they call you if it's bad" sooner than expected.  That's what happened when I had a bad pap smear.  I got numerous calls until they got ahold of me...and it was only CIN-I. 

[texasmama]

Nope, not a big baby.   :grouphug:

 

I could have written pretty much everything you wrote.

[creekland]

I second the "usually they call you if it's bad" sooner than expected.  That's what happened when I had a bad pap smear.  I got numerous calls until they got ahold of me...and it was only CIN-I. 

 

I didn't even make it home from the MRI before getting the call about my brain tumor when it was discovered.  Pathology usually takes a little longer, but they often know on scans super quickly.

 

I don't get freaked out by anything like that any longer (I possibly should considering some things that are deteriorating), but when my brain is spending too much time dwelling on that which can't (or probably won't) change, distraction is always my choice.  What works as a good distraction varies by person and situation.

 

If Choice A isn't working as a distraction, forget it and go with Option B or C or D or as many options as one can come up with.

 

Today is not a good day (for me issue-wise).  I've been thankful to be at school.  If I had stayed home, it would have been way too easy to focus on being frustrated.  Here I HAVE to do things and I'm also pretty darn good at keeping an image going (when needed) so no one else even knows anything is amiss. ;)

 

But just because that works for me (to pass time) doesn't mean it's the choice for others.  

 

Simply knowing odds never works - not for me anyway.  I've "beaten" the odds too many times on all sorts of things - major and minor.  :glare:

Edited April 28, 2016 by creekland

[Happy]

I was told I needed a biopsy on a Thursday or Friday and one was promptly scheduled for Monday morning. That weekend was a long one, let me tell you. I hibernated (along with my dh) by burying myself in a thick, complex book to help shut off my brain.

 

I find work to be 'relaxing' in some respects...I guess it gives my brain a track to run on.

 

Do what will get you through....I have a friend who cleans like a madwoman when she is worried. I wish I could do that.

[G5052]

We live in a continuous river of medical issues here. It's only April, and already two major surgeries (one with significant complications), seven outpatient procedures, and several months of PT. Thankfully we're in a quite period, but another surgery looms on the horizon with a week's stay out-of-state.

 

I ALWAYS FREAK OUT about the potential for bad news and/or complications. ALWAYS. It doesn't matter if it is me or another family member. Maybe because we've had so much bad news over the years on the medical front.

 

I wish that I could tell you how to manage it, but I still don't have it down. I barely slept in February and March.

[J-rap]

I've learned that the things I worry most about never happen.  If something really bad does happen it's always a completely out-of-the-blue left hook.  So as long as I'm worrying about something bad happening, then I know everything's okay.  ;)

 

 

[BlsdMama]

Checking in on you... Its officially almost noon here.  ((Hugs))

[Jenny in Florida]

Checking in on you... Its officially almost noon here.  ((Hugs))

 

Thanks for thinking of me.

 

The tests came back "perfectly normal." They want me to return in six months to re-check, but for the moment, all clear.

 

Once I got over the happy surprise of getting good news, I found myself feeling more than a touch irritable that -- rather than making me wait two weeks and drive across town for an in-person appointment -- they coudln't have simply called me to give me good news. However, I'm choosing to focus on the good news part of it.

[creekland]

Thanks for thinking of me.

 

The tests came back "perfectly normal." They want me to return in six months to re-check, but for the moment, all clear.

 

Once I got over the happy surprise of getting good news, I found myself feeling more than a touch irritable that -- rather than making me wait two weeks and drive across town for an in-person appointment -- they coudln't have simply called me to give me good news. However, I'm choosing to focus on the good news part of it.

 

Glad all went well!  I'm 100% with you in not understanding why we need to be seen in person to get good news.  I really appreciate online results (both good and bad) so I can get notice and figure things out myself without anyone else involved.  I'm not a "suspense" or "needs hands held" person.  Just give me the results and let me work out the details in my brain, then, if bad, I might want thoughts on where to go from there, but after I'm over the shock and can mentally be back in reality.  If good, then I can drop the whole thing from my "concerns" list.  I don't need to talk with anyone "official" about it.

 

When getting MRIs I always get a disc to look at them myself first - almost always before going home.  I bring our computer with us. ;)  I did, of course, have to teach myself how to read the darn things, but I've learned enough and can learn more if need be.  Google is very helpful.

[Seasider]

Good for the good news!

 

Echoing the "why the wait for good news???" crowd. A phone call would result in a less anxious patient - I call that preventative healthcare!

[Happy]

Glad all went well!  I'm 100% with you in not understanding why we need to be seen in person to get good news.  I really appreciate online results (both good and bad) so I can get notice and figure things out myself without anyone else involved.  I'm not a "suspense" or "needs hands held" person.  Just give me the results and let me work out the details in my brain, then, if bad, I might want thoughts on where to go from there, but after I'm over the shock and can mentally be back in reality.  If good, then I can drop the whole thing from my "concerns" list.  I don't need to talk with anyone "official" about it.

 

When getting MRIs I always get a disc to look at them myself first - almost always before going home.  I bring our computer with us. ;)  I did, of course, have to teach myself how to read the darn things, but I've learned enough and can learn more if need be.  Google is very helpful.

I'm thankful I didn't have to go back in to get my bad news. A compassionate radiologist gave me a call (as I was told they would) and said this is not what you want to hear. He spent probably 15 minutes on the phone with me-answering questions, then went through the entire thing again when my dh walked in the door.

 

I'm so glad I didn't have to be in some office or drive home after. I was well prepared for the diagnosis--doesn't mean it was easy, but all in all, I'm glad that's way it was handled.

 

To go in to get good news sounds like a dandy excuse to charge insurance again.