Being a SAHM?

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I wasn't a very good employee.  When I worked, I did my job, and I did it well, but I hated living my whole life around someone else's schedule.  I hated having to account for every minute of the day. (I was a copier/fax machine technician, making service calls to businesses all over the state).

 

Later, after getting married to my dh, I went to engineering school.  I loved being a college student.  If I hadn't gotten pregnant my senior year (I was 33 at the time), I probably would have stayed in school forever, gotten a PhD, and become a professor.  By the time I got my BS in 1996, I realized I really had no desire to go into the engineering industry.  My friends from school were working for firms like Hewlett Packard, Raytheon, and were totally stressed, working long hours far from home, etc.  I didn't want that.  I was voted "Outstanding Student in the School of Engineering" by my university faculty, and had to give a commencement speech.  I was 7 months pregnant, and the focus of my five minutes was to remember to put family first.  At the time, I planned on going to work after a year, but I got pregnant again 7 months after my first was born, so I never did.

 

I had my eldest dd two months after graduating.  It did take some adjustment because I was used to the constant feedback of work evaluations and/or grades to give me gratification.  But, after a time of finding my new groove, I have loved being at home, being a mom, and being a homeschooler.  I love making my own schedule, and deciding what our priorities will be each day.  I love that I don't have to answer to anyone.  I'm really not a very good housekeeper, and I have come to hate cooking, but my husband never bugs me about the house, never challenges me about anything, really.  Fortunately, he is able to do a job he loves and provide us with everything we need (including someone to come in and clean the house a couple times a month).  If I had gone to work as an engineer, I would easily be making a six figure income, but I wouldn't trade the last 20 years for anything.  

 

Our youngest may go to school next year.  If she does, I'm really not sure how I will spend my new freedom.  I know I won't get a regular 9-5 job.  I may teach Kindermusik again (I did it when my kids were little, but mostly in co-op settings -- never as a business).  I may tutor, either from home or in my daughter's school.  Whatever I do, it will have to be part time, and I will need to be able to set my own schedule.  I will want to pursue some set-aside interests, and travel.  

[PrairieSong]

I have loved being home and homeschooling. Now that the youngest is in 10th grade, it doesn't take nearly as much time and energy. I still enjoy homeschooling, but it doesn't take up all my time the way it did when we had a house full of kids.

 

I want to try flipping houses! Dh is in real estate and can find bargains, and I could do as many or as few as I want. I really do not want a 9 to 5 job. I would also like to do more volunteer work. I want to have lots of time to enjoy grandchildren...the first one is on the way!

[HeWillSoar]

You are not alone!  I absolutely loved being a SAHM when my kids were younger.  That was such a satisfying time for me.  There was a time when I thought about going back to school but then homeschooling happened and now my plate is pretty full.   Once my youngest is off to college, I might work some part time job just to help out with college costs but I really don't want to be tied down to a schedule.  It would be so nice to just drive down to Florida by myself and stay with my mom for a couple weeks or go on trips with DH.    I'm into gardening and landscaping so maybe I'll do something with that.  Or maybe I'll just keep up my own garden. 

 

 

Edited March 2, 2016 by HeWillSoar

[The Girls' Mom]

No, I've never really loved it.  At times I absolutely hated it.  I've never regretted it.  I love my girls to pieces and wouldn't trade that time with them.  I wasn't content at home though.

 

I'm thrilled to be back in school, and I am totally looking forward to having a career.

[Ottakee]

Wendyroo....I have been there/done that...and it does get better....eventually.

 

I love being a SAHM. I am actually back to working 1-2 days a week as a substitute teacher in special education...mostly severly multiply impaired at a district wide special school. I sorta enjoy it but would rather I didn't have to work.

 

Today was a snow day and all 7 of us were home and sat around the dinner table and ate together. I didn't go anywhere. It was wonderful not having to drive anyone anywhere today.

 

For those of you that want to be a SAHM even when your kids get older I encourage you to consider foster care, esp for teens. It is very different than parenting your own kids but very rewarding.

[madteaparty]

I absolutely loved homeschooling my kids and not having to work for pay outside the home while doing it. When they were younger, that also gave me lots of time for intellectual stimulation and social interaction. I enjoy teaching/tutoring and planning.

 

BUT - I hate housecleaning, laundry, daily cooking, being the chauffeur. So, really, I have liked staying home as long as I've had a job (homeschooling the kids), even if it wasn't for pay. Now, technically two are still 'homeschooled', but really, they're mostly at the CC and doing online stuff, because they really don't want me teaching them anymore. Yes, I have some 'guidance counselor' work, but it's not as rewarding (I think it would be much more rewarding to do with someone else's teens!). Mostly when I bring up GC type stuff they tell me to stop bugging them and I'm stressing them out.

 

So, pretty much all that's left is the housewife, cook and chauffeuring responsibilities. I hate, hate, hate it. I feel like a servant, and one that's taken for granted at that. I minded doing these things much less when they were just something I had to do in between other stuff. Now that I don't have 'other stuff', I find myself really resentful. Unfortunately, with all the chauffeuring, I don't have enough time to commit to an outside job, even part time. Hopefully that will change next year when the older two go off to college and there's only one teen to juggle. I need adult interaction, intellectual stimulation, and yes, purpose.

 

If my only 'purpose' is keeping the house tidy and cooking everyone meals, I might as well just take a leap off a bridge.

Preach!

[Reefgazer]

I love being a part-time SAHM (I have always worked part time at night and had the days for my kids).  I love it; it's a perfect balance and gives me time to pursue hobbies and hang out with friends.

[purpleowl]

There are things I love about it and things I don't.

 

When I was working outside the home full-time, there were things I loved about it and things I didn't. :)

 

I have recently taken steps to make sure that "me" doesn't disappear in the midst of SAHM-ing/homeschooling, because I was beginning to feel like that was happening. Those steps (serving as my church's librarian, starting up a math circle, and beginning my own freelance business) are proving helpful.

[Jenny in Florida]

I didn't love being a SAHM mom, generally, but I did love being a homeschooling, SAHM. It was, without a doubt, my life's vocation. 

 

That doesn't mean it was always easy or fun. It was often hard and frustrating, and I often felt like I was failing in one way or another. However, it was definitely the most meaningful "job" I've ever had, and I feel pretty lost now that it's over.

 

I am not a person who is comfortable or happy puttering around. And, although I am interested in lots of things and can always find ways to fill my time, I'm also not content to focus on myself for very long. I'm really only happy and fulfilled when I'm using my skills to assist other people. I also need "real" goals (not just things I set for myself because I want to do them) and to feel like I'm doing something that I am specifically suited to do each day. Without kids in the house to raise and educate, my life at home feels pretty empty. So, I'm working again. It's not nearly as rewarding as doing the SAH-H-M thing, but it allows me to feel like I am making a financial contribution to my family and helping others in a way that is meaningful to them.

Edited March 2, 2016 by Jenny in Florida

[8circles]

I'm with Sadie.  I don't love being a SAHM.  But I can't imagine a better way to mother my kids than to be at home with them.

 

Although, I did have a career before having kids so I didn't feel like I was missing out.

[rebcoola]

I love being a homeschool mom not sure I would love being a SAHM if my many job was to clean house while my kids were at school.  

[Momto4inSoCal]

I enjoy being with my kids (most of the time). I love homeschooling and the flexibility it gives us and being able to tailor school to my kids likes and needs. All of my friend stay at home so I have a good network. I also enjoy cooking (when I don't have a kid hanging on my leg). I hate cleaning however and I hate that some people look down on stay at home moms. I would say though that homeschooling gave me what I felt was missing. I love education and educating myself. Coming from a really bad homelife where I was left to fend for myself most of the time I really see now how I missed out on a lot at school. I was getting college level on my state test in reading and language arts by 2nd grade but since everything was so bad at home I became very much a recluse and stopped doing school. Homeschooling has reminded me I actually enjoy learning and being able to teach my children has been such a joy for me. The plan was to stay home until they went to school but when we pulled the kids out we did it knowing I probably wouldn't end up going back to work.

[Mom2Five]

I love and am thankful that I am able to be a stay at home mom. Sometimes I daydream about sending them off to school or being able to get a job, but I know that I would hate it. I am an extreme introvert so that helps, but I do get really desperate for adult conversation sometimes. My dh works from sun up to sun down so he isn't even here most of the time.

I am honestly completely done with the toddler and baby phase. It is really wearing me down. I have had a little one at almost every point in the last 9 years. I just want to sleep again and eat sitting down...shower, go to the bathroom in peace. You know the luxuries, lol. I have high hopes once my little guy is around 3. I am counting down the days.

[Tsuga]

What really delights me is planning my schedule to suit myself. I love having lots of open time that I can do something I enjoy.

 

Funny... that was not my experience of being a SAHM at all. I was totally beholden to two very small children and a husband who, let's be honest, hated me and treated me as a slave and eventually fired me for not being good enough. The tasks of simply keeping the house clean and answering his phone calls and keeping the children occupied and not dead were enough for two people.

 

I also did not get to plan much myself. I have MUCH more freedom as a salaried employee than I ever had as a SAHM.

 

I will say that I didn't mention that it was totally worth it to sacrifice and be home with the kids as babies. I don't regret that. I just didn't enjoy it.

[kiwik]

I think I would have enjoyed being a SAHW if my husband were loaded, and were fully appreciative of the opportunity to support someone running an intellectual salon and art / music studio.

 

I couldn't enjoy knowing that my whole livelihood depended on one person's largesse, not having seen the ugly side of that. Maybe if I didn't know and I were innocent and thought, "Well of COURSE he'd never cheat or throw me out--I'm way too awesome for that!" Then I could live without fear.

 

I also couldn't enjoy it if he nagged me.

 

And I cannot stand changing diapers or pottying people or cleaning up all day. So SAHM, no. I need a break from the kids.

 

Just not working for money could be nice, though provided you were totally 100% financially secure.

 

I think I'd use the time to use my statistical skills to apply to NASA's public database and be the astronomer I always wanted to be. That's what I'm going to do when I retire.

 

I would be too scared to be that dependent on someone.  Marriages end, often badly and a woman who has been completely out of the workforce ends up on the junk pile in her fifties and impoverished in her old age. 

[Danestress]

I liked being a SAHM. Now I am working (kids are seniors in high school) and I like that too. It's a mentally demanding, engaging job and I feel like I am reconnecting with a part of myself.

 

But either job has good days and bad and either way, I try not to define myself by what I do. I felt pretty competent as a mother. In my job, I feel challenged and overwhelmed regularly. The advantage of that is that I am learning and growing in a way that I don't think I would have if I were a SAH empty nester. On the other hand, it is sometimes very stressful.

 

I took the day off today (I worked all weekend) and am thrilled that I will be cleaning my house all day. Thrilled. Definitely didn't find cleaning my house all that exciting in the past!

[kewb]

I love homeschooling.  I hate houseowrk.  If my dh expected the June Cleaver experience I would be a miserable sahm.

[redsquirrel]

I don't love it.  What I am doing is important and the best use of my time, but I am looking forward to having a job again. I loved my old job and miss it frequently.  I doubt I would do it again, after almost 20 years out of the workplace, but I do want another job.

 

It doesn't mean I resent being home or wish I hadn't made the choices I have. You can feel more than one way about something. It reminds me of the wonderful Sondheim song 'Sorry/grateful" ...which also sums up my feelings about marriage, and probably my whole life, lol