8circles Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Honesty has its moments, but teaching grace is something that has its moments, too. This is an opportunity to teach grace, not appreciate honesty. Yes, it was a teaching moment. I think you can be gracious & honest at the same time. How do you teach grace/gracious honesty? I would say by modeling it. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 And am I the only person whose family believes that with young kids, a few more "gifts" makes things more fun (most of the time)? I learned that from my mom, but could we really be the only people who do this? Or do people think we stay up all night wrapping gifts just to piss our children off? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 It's not expected to exist in one direction. If my mom gave me something I didn't like, the standards are the same-say thank you and *move on*. Same behavior standards for the same situation. i suppose that what you want to know is how is it ok for *me* to be "disrespectful" and buy the shirt. The answer is that I disagree with you that what I bought was disrespectful because I thought (and was right) that he *would*like the shirt. So I disagree with your premise off the top. For those who think respect and manners are of paramount importance, it's interesting to hear rationalizations for how this apparently is expected to exist in one direction. That's what. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Hmm...as a child I was never allowed to express disappointment and would have been in big trouble to react the way ds of OP did. And now I sit here remembering times in my adult life I was less than gracious when given a gift that was way off what was requested. So all that discipline in childhood didn't produce a well mannered adult anyway :( And why should it? I do sometimes resort to traditional parenting tactics (consequences, or threatened consequences) when a particular behavior is needed in the moment. "No, child, you cannot hit your brother. You need to go walk around the block to cool down." or "guys, we need to be out the door in five minutes or no ice cream tonight!" I think those have their place (at least I haven't been able to come up with something better) in motivating behavior in the moment. But influencing behavior long term, when I'm not there to enforce a consequence? Modeling and teaching, helping kids understand why a behavior would be important, helping them choose themselves to internalize that behavior is all I can do. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 And am I the only person whose family believes that with young kids, a few more "gifts" makes things more fun (most of the time)? I learned that from my mom, but could we really be the only people who do this? Or do people think we stay up all night wrapping gifts just to piss our children off? I do not think more gifts makes things more fun. My 4 kids each unwrapped 5 presents this year (from immediate family so parents & each other - 7 including from grands). It was almost too much. This is the reason I don't wrap socks and undies anymore. I don't stay up all night wrapping gifts. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnMyOwn Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) Very simply: If a child isn't allowed to express frustration or disappointment in his own home without being punished for it, it is unethical to knowingly place the child in that position when he may not yet have the necessary skills to avoid punishment. It's a simple answer to your question in bold because your question was surrounded by a very simplified summary. You're simplifying it for whatever reason. For example, no one has suggested intent any differently from the OP. Such a summary isn't helpful or cooperative, it's condescending." [end if albeto's quote] But the child was allowed to express frustration and was not punished. Or am I wrong? OP came here and asked for feedback because she wasn't sure what course to take. Did she come back and say she was going to administer a harsh punishment later on that I missed? Or are people just upset that she even considered a punishment even though she never administered one? I went back and reread the first post and can't see the oversimplification. I'm not going to go back through all 8 pages of the thread, but, yes, people at a minimum have said the OP was disrespectful. And you have basically just said it was unethical, unkind, immature, needy, etc? Oh, but then again, you were just talking in general, right? And yet, you think my post was condescending. I am truly amazed by some of the responses. I like to think everyone has good intentions, but I cannot see this the way some do. It feels like the twilight zone to me. Seems like people take the original post, mix it up with other posts, add their own baggage and then refuse to acknowledge that the original post never said what they are claiming -- even though it is still on the board in black and white. I've never run into this before, but it seems to be a regular occurrence here. Anyway, these boards are interesting to read, but I'll never be able to keep up with this thread because I see it's already pages longer since I left it this morning. Bowing out because we are celebrating Christmas with family tomorrow. Maybe I'll come back and let you all know how my son reacts to the pjs I'm giving him as a gift. Lol! Edited December 30, 2015 by OnMyOwn 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) I dunno. I don't think that more gifts to unwrap means more fun. My mom, may she rest in peace, meant very well but she prioritized unwrapping a lot of stuff and would have been embarrassed to just have 1-3 gifts for us to unwrap. Quantity over quality. Trouble is, we didn't have very much money so this meant she would wrap a bunch of stuff that no one wanted rather than consolidating resources for 1 or 2 small things we'd really like. She liked to see us unwrap a lot of stuff from her. I still recall getting a music-jewelry box with a rotating porcelain elephant on it when I was 13. My sibling got a similar thing. We got these things because they were fire sale cheap from the closing down Woolsworth and looked nice in the box. It was a gift that was totally out of step with my personality. I did later tell my mom that I would rather only get one gift than many and, because she was a very kind woman, she tried to take this to heart and not get upset with me. When I was 14, among of couple of small purchased gifts including a super nice sketch pad, she gave me this chambray shirt that was embroidered with flowers. It had been hers in the late 60s. I adored that shirt and wore it until my post pregnancy chest precluded it from fitting. Which gift do I still have and treasure? Not the porcelain elephant box thigamabobber. I do not have good memories of unwrapping box after box after box with stuff I didn't like and wouldn't use. It was a big letdown to everyone involved because kids can only fake appreciation so well, yanno? Edited December 30, 2015 by LucyStoner 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SereneHome Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 And am I the only person whose family believes that with young kids, a few more "gifts" makes things more fun (most of the time)? I learned that from my mom, but could we really be the only people who do this? Or do people think we stay up all night wrapping gifts just to piss our children off? I can't speak for others (obviously, LOL), but my kids get completely overwhelmed when they get too many presents at once. My IL's think that for each child's bday his brothers should get gifts too. So, a few years ago, during my oldest bday party they gave each kid about 8-9 presents. You could see that by ~3rd present that they each unwrapped, they were done. My IL's saved the biggest and bestest present until the end only to see pretty much no reaction from my son. This past year, when my DS2 turned 5 I decided to spread out his gifts through out the day. He didn't get tons of things, but he got some from us, his older brother and my parents. It worked out great as he was able to actually play and really enjoy each gift. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) I do not think more gifts makes things more fun. My 4 kids each unwrapped 5 presents this year (from immediate family so parents & each other - 7 including from grands). It was almost too much. This is the reason I don't wrap socks and undies anymore. I don't stay up all night wrapping gifts. Yeah, even our toned down holidays add up to a fair number of gifts to unwrap. Between us and Santa, we do want/need/wear/need plus 1-2 generally but not always group gifts. But then they each get 1-2 presents from each of their uncles, their 2 living grandparents, 1 living great grandparent and from several friends who are like adopted family to us. I'm glad we stagger our friend visits out from the 20th to New Years so it's less to open all at once. And even then, on Chrsitmas morning we almost always have two big breaks in opening- one after stockings and one about 1/2 way through unwrapping the gifts under the tree. Edited December 30, 2015 by LucyStoner 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 This is our family - I'm not running a restaurant and I'm not a short order cook. Everyone at the table can eat what is there, or not. I don't punish for not eating something, but I'm not cooking anything else either. Good! Came into the broccoli discussion a little late...not even sure where it started. Just saw something about broccoli and caught my attention (wasn't even your post though). Have tried keeping up with the thread but it just got long and I am sure I have missed some posts. We don't "punish" for not eating. Since very young they know they must have everything (even if it's a small bite). Since enforced since young there hasn't been a need to punish. My oldest dd (now 19) happened to thank me for that the other day. Now that she's a young adult she likes being used to trying everything that is offered to her, and she mentioned she has been complimented many times for it. Different approaches work for different families :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) And am I the only person whose family believes that with young kids, a few more "gifts" makes things more fun (most of the time)? I learned that from my mom, but could we really be the only people who do this? Or do people think we stay up all night wrapping gifts just to piss our children off? Nope, that's us too. My daughter is all about the presents. Counting the presents, checking for her name, shaking them, comparing how many everyone has. I wrapped up a hair brush (new, that she needed), so she would have another present. We love piles of presents under the tree -- clothes, books, needed items, and fun surprises. It's all good. Some things were on my kid's lists and other things I just thought they might like. Edited December 30, 2015 by mom2samlibby 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 And am I the only person whose family believes that with young kids, a few more "gifts" makes things more fun (most of the time)? I learned that from my mom, but could we really be the only people who do this? Or do people think we stay up all night wrapping gifts just to piss our children off? My mom genuinely thinks like this. It is not rare for her to give a box full of components with each one wrapped individually. So, a box for a kid might include some granola bars, a facemask for dress-up, a pack of crayons, a bag of cheese doodles, a placemat, a cookie cutter, etc. She assumes more things to open = more fun. I am not the same way at all. I do NOT think more stuff to open is automatically more fun. I have given a kid a gift that wasn't crucial just to "even up" a bit with what the other kids are opening. For example, DS16 was mainly getting a gaming system, which was nearly the whole budget for his gifts. We had discussed this at length. I told him he had to understand that if he got this game console, he would have little else, even while his siblings would still have several presents. He understood. Ultimately, it wasn't literally the only gift he got, but his other things were mainly practical things he needed, like PJs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I dunno. I don't think that more gifts to unwrap means more fun. My mom, may she rest in peace, meant very well but she prioritized unwrapping a lot of stuff and would have been embarrassed to just have 1-3 gifts for us to unwrap. Quantity over quality. Trouble is, we didn't have very much money so this meant she would wrap a bunch of stuff that no one wanted rather than consolidating resources for 1 or 2 small things we'd really like. She liked to see us unwrap a lot of stuff from her. I still recall getting a music-jewelry box with a rotating porcelain elephant on it when I was 13. My sibling got a similar thing. We got these things because they were fire sale cheap from the closing down Woolsworth and looked nice in the box. It was a gift that was totally out of step with my personality. I did later tell my mom that I would rather only get one gift than many and, because she was a very kind woman, she tried to take this to heart and not get upset with me. When I was 14, among of couple of small purchased gifts including a super nice sketch pad, she gave me this chambray shirt that was embroidered with flowers. It had been hers in the late 60s. I adored that shirt and wore it until my post pregnancy chest precluded it from fitting. Which gift do I still have and treasure? Not the porcelain elephant box thigamabobber. I do not have good memories of unwrapping box after box after box with stuff I didn't like and wouldn't use. It was a big letdown to everyone involved because kids can only fake appreciation so well, yanno? I don't deny your experience, but mine was the opposite. We were pretty poor and my parents would tell us we were each only getting 1 gift. Then we would get, wow, 7 (including coloring book, crayons, pajamas... and 1 main gift). I actually remember being so thrilled. I would agree there is a limit, which varies by age. I think an elementary-school aged kid without sensory type issues would normally be happy with a nice handful of gifts (from Santa / parent) vs. 1 or 2. I haven't tested the alternative on my kids, nor do I plan to. :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 It's not expected to exist in one direction. If my mom gave me something I didn't like, the standards are the same-say thank you and *move on*. Same behavior standards for the same situation. i suppose that what you want to know is how is it ok for *me* to be "disrespectful" and buy the shirt. The answer is that I disagree with you that what I bought was disrespectful because I thought (and was right) that he *would*like the shirt. So I disagree with your premise off the top. The direction I see isn't: reefgazer > anyone and everyone else That's not what I'm taking away from your comments, and so the example of you and your mom doesn't work for me. Instead, I'm taking away: adults > children, and certainly parents > children I don't think you are obliged to justify yourself to me or anyone here. I don't think you've demonstrated any particularly abusive behavior for me to be concerned about. I will say I disagree with the general ideology that suggests children ought to be automatically expected to capitulate to the convenience of adults, without reciprocation. While I don't hear you articulating this directly, I find this idea supported in various posts in this thread. That's the direction to which I refer. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I really don't think this thread is mean spirited. People just have strong opinions on the matter. I didn't think the thread was mean spirited; I thought a few of the posters were just plain mean. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Another thing I do is give my kids stuff they may not want now, but will probably use before their next Christmas. (Of course as they get older, they change less throughout the year, but they still change some.) For example, I have bought things they will "grow into," which isn't a thrill at the time. I prefer not to buy stuff all through the year. Really, I don't think my kids are scarred. Even if they got socks and underwear, I don't think they'd run away and join the circus, assuming those were not their only gifts. Well, if they do run away and join the circus, you'll probably get discount tickets, so at least that's something. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 This is our family - I'm not running a restaurant and I'm not a short order cook. Everyone at the table can eat what is there, or not. I don't punish for not eating something, but I'm not cooking anything else either. But don't you generally try to cook foods that everyone will eat? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I dunno. I don't think that more gifts to unwrap means more fun. My mom, may she rest in peace, meant very well but she prioritized unwrapping a lot of stuff and would have been embarrassed to just have 1-3 gifts for us to unwrap. Quantity over quality. Trouble is, we didn't have very much money so this meant she would wrap a bunch of stuff that no one wanted rather than consolidating resources for 1 or 2 small things we'd really like. She liked to see us unwrap a lot of stuff from her. I still recall getting a music-jewelry box with a rotating porcelain elephant on it when I was 13. My sibling got a similar thing. We got these things because they were fire sale cheap from the closing down Woolsworth and looked nice in the box. It was a gift that was totally out of step with my personality. I did later tell my mom that I would rather only get one gift than many and, because she was a very kind woman, she tried to take this to heart and not get upset with me. When I was 14, among of couple of small purchased gifts including a super nice sketch pad, she gave me this chambray shirt that was embroidered with flowers. It had been hers in the late 60s. I adored that shirt and wore it until my post pregnancy chest precluded it from fitting. Which gift do I still have and treasure? Not the porcelain elephant box thigamabobber. I do not have good memories of unwrapping box after box after box with stuff I didn't like and wouldn't use. It was a big letdown to everyone involved because kids can only fake appreciation so well, yanno? Wow, I think you are my sister. We sure could share some stories... I am looking through hundreds of old slides now and it is interesting to look at the birthday and Christmas gifts. There was one in particular, in which I was eight, and I have thrown my head back in laughter. I don't remember that specific event, but seeing that picture...I totally know why I had such a disproportionate laugh. I can tell from the gifts depicted that I am covering for severe embarassment and/or disappointment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 [end if albeto's quote] BTW, if you type after the section you want to quote, the forum software will do the work for you (keeping the at the beginning like you did). But the child was allowed to express frustration and was not punished. Or am I wrong? OP came here and asked for feedback because she wasn't sure what course to take. Did she come back and say she was going to administer a harsh punishment later on that I missed? Or are people just upset that she even considered a punishment even though she never administered one? I suspect the idea of punishing a child for this behavior was considered excessive in this case. I think it may have become a bit more serious for some when certain punishments were offered as inspiration for what the OP could have done. I know punishments such as taking back the gift and a few more to teach a lesson caught my attention, and the attention of a few others. The post to which I first replied referred the idea that children cannot be allowed to disrespect anyone just because they are justifiably angry, tired, hungry, etc. I asked why, and why children are exempt from respect. For reference, I interpret inviting ideas, then going against them, to be disrespectful. I think this would be easily noticed were the other person an adult and not a child. I went back and reread the first post and can't see the oversimplification. I'm not going to go back through all 8 pages of the thread, but, yes, people at a minimum have said the OP was disrespectful. And you have basically just said it was unethical, unkind, immature, needy, etc? Oh, but then again, you were just talking in general, right? And yet, you think my post was condescending. In my opinion, if a child isn't allowed to express frustration or disappointment in his own home without being punished for it, it is unethical to knowingly place the child in that position when he may not yet have the necessary skills to avoid punishment. I stand by that. The OP, as you noted, did not punish the child, but came here to inquire if she should have. I said the idea of using punishment to condition a child to not express negative feelings when placed in a situation that he could not avoid is unethical, unkind, immature, and needy. I even italicized the word "idea" to draw attention to it, in hopes of reducing confusion just like this. I didn't say this about the OP, I said this about the idea in general. I tried to be very clear about that. I am truly amazed by some of the responses. I like to think everyone has good intentions, but I cannot see this the way some do. It feels like the twilight zone to me. Seems like people take the original post, mix it up with other posts, add their own baggage and then refuse to acknowledge that the original post never said what they are claiming -- even though it is still on the board in black and white. I've never run into this before, but it seems to be a regular occurrence here. I hear ya, but I think it is apparent that some comments are made to address a general idea (such as whether or not saying "ugh" is rude), some address a specific question (such as the original question posed by the OP), some address a particular thought inspired by the conversation (such as whether or not practical gifts are holiday worthy). I find myself scratching my head in response to threads here too, but this one I've paid pretty close attention to so it's not been confusing for me. Anyway, these boards are interesting to read, but I'll never be able to keep up with this thread because I see it's already pages longer since I left it this morning. Bowing out because we are celebrating Christmas with family tomorrow. Maybe I'll come back and let you all know how my son reacts to the pjs I'm giving him as a gift. Lol! My dd's wearing her xmas pjs right now! I hope you have an enjoyable family day. :) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 And am I the only person whose family believes that with young kids, a few more "gifts" makes things more fun (most of the time)? I learned that from my mom, but could we really be the only people who do this? Or do people think we stay up all night wrapping gifts just to piss our children off? Nope, that's us too. My daughter is all about the presents. Counting the presents, checking for her name, shaking them, comparing how many everyone has. I wrapped up a hair brush (new, that she needed), so she would have another present. We love piles of presents under the tree -- clothes, books, needed items, and fun surprises. It's all good. Some things were on my kid's lists and other things I just thought they might like. ALL NIGHT GIFT-WRAPPERS UNITE!!! :hurray: We are all about the giant piles of gifts under the tree. Always have been. Hopefully always will be. It's so much fun and it takes my ds a LONG time to open those gifts, but he loves every minute of it. It helps that I love to shop, so it's not a hardship for me to spend a lot of time picking out all of the gifts, and I know what my ds and dh like, so it's generally pretty easy for me to buy things they will like. My dh and ds like to shop, too, so I always end up with good gifts, too. :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I can't speak for others (obviously, LOL), but my kids get completely overwhelmed when they get too many presents at once. My IL's think that for each child's bday his brothers should get gifts too. So, a few years ago, during my oldest bday party they gave each kid about 8-9 presents. You could see that by ~3rd present that they each unwrapped, they were done. My IL's saved the biggest and bestest present until the end only to see pretty much no reaction from my son. This past year, when my DS2 turned 5 I decided to spread out his gifts through out the day. He didn't get tons of things, but he got some from us, his older brother and my parents. It worked out great as he was able to actually play and really enjoy each gift. I agree, that is too much. :) That's one of the reasons I don't do birthday parties, though the local people still manage to overdo it. I actually don't buy my kids a ton of stuff because they have aunties etc. who overdo their part of it. I do have to show up with something though. :P 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Oh, I agree: you need to be brought up with the tradition. It would not occur to my boys to disparage their orange and chocolate coins, because it's what they have always known. Indeed, they would find it odd if the traditional items were missing. Suddenly giving an orange to a child without that background would be asking for trouble, however. Do you really think it would be asking for trouble? I am a second generation American, of Dutch and Hungarian ancestry. My mother grew up getting an orange in her stocking and always put an orange in our stockings, too. If I remember correctly, the tradition came down through her Dutch grandparents and father (they all lived together many years after arriving in the US - there were three generations in the home). I regret that I didn't carry the tradition on with my son. I would have done it this year, but I didn't plan ahead and so didn't have an orange in the house. He likes oranges, but we don't often buy them. I'm sure he doesn't buy them when he is at school. If I explain the tradition, do you think he would be interested? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 So maybe the orange tradition came to me through my Dutch German mother's family. I'd like the tradition started up again with my kids and explanation of the tradition. I can't see how it would be trouble, even if it wasn't that well-received. Do you really think it would be asking for trouble? I am a second generation American, of Dutch and Hungarian ancestry. My mother grew up getting an orange in her stocking and always put an orange in our stockings, too. If I remember correctly, the tradition came down through her Dutch grandparents and father (they all lived together many years after arriving in the US - there were three generations in the home). I regret that I didn't carry the tradition on with my son. I would have done it this year, but I didn't plan ahead and so didn't have an orange in the house. He likes oranges, but we don't often buy them. I'm sure he doesn't buy them when he is at school. If I explain the tradition, do you think he would be interested? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 As a tck, old Europe mixed with usian, I hear this. We were given chocolate coins and oranges in our stockings as kids, even though it was more traditional than special. But we understood the tradition and we were connected to it, because that was our culture in our home. I don't know if many or most would be appropriate here (I suspect most) but lots of Americans don't have this connection to this tradition and so the kids don't understand it in this context. I married into a very stereotypical American white-bread family where there isn't a lot of connection to these kinds of traditions. This is one I haven't cultivated and so my kids would look at me funny to receive an orange in their stocking. But that doesn't make them entitled or unappreciative. Oranges in the stocking were very much a thing in my family too. We have continued this tradition, primarily because nothing else fills out the toe of a stocking like an orange, and this year, one of the things my younger son asked for in his letter to Santa was an "extra orange". Kids are weird and crack me up. My older son made up this whole story about how the millions of oranges are grown in polar greenhouses by elves. But yeah, I wouldn't start throwing a pear or those tasteless chocolate coins in there and expect a positive response. People like what they know. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 So maybe the orange tradition came to me through my Dutch German mother's family. I'd like the tradition started up again with my kids and explanation of the tradition. I can't see how it would be trouble, even if it wasn't that well-received. I think it's a pretty common tradition in many parts of Europe. No Dutch branches of the family tree but oranges were always the thing here on both sides of my dad's family (one side Irish, one side primarily descendant from early immigrants of German heritage.) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 (edited) My mother likes to give more stuff that's cheap rather than one or two nice presents. I'd rather have the one or two nice presents over a bunch of cheap stuff. She also liked to wrap things separately so it would look like there were more presents than there were. For example, the year I got leg warmers (it was the 80s), she got me 3 pair, but wrapped each leg warmer separately, so there were 6 packages. I didn't really like that. To me it was cheating. My hopes had gotten up that there would be 6 presents, but really there were only 3. I was super, duper good at hiding my feelings, though, because my parents didn't like any demonstration of anything negative, so I smiled and looked happy*. (And as an adult, it's almost impossible for me to express real heart-felt emotions to anyone. Blah.) Some people have said that their kids get overwhelmed after opening 2-3 presents. But that could be 'cause your kids are young. When mine were 7 and below they wanted to open a present and play with it for a while before the next one. If you took the first one away and handed them another package they'd get upset. But at 10 and 13 those days are long gone. :tongue_smilie: ​They love lots and lots of things to open and easily set each present to the side to see what's next. So...I try to give them lots of stuff and I try to give them quality stuff and I try not to wrap things separately that don't need to be wrapped separately. Edited December 31, 2015 by Garga 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Wanting less presents isn't only something those young want. Oldest can open presents fast and move on quickly between each one. Youngest cannot. She likes to open and spend time with each gift before moving on. They are both teens but have very different approaches to gifts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 He likes oranges, but we don't often buy them. I'm sure he doesn't buy them when he is at school. If I explain the tradition, do you think he would be interested? If you explained it in advance, it wouldn't be sudden. I'd give it a try - it might be fun. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Do you really think it would be asking for trouble? I am a second generation American, of Dutch and Hungarian ancestry. My mother grew up getting an orange in her stocking and always put an orange in our stockings, too. If I remember correctly, the tradition came down through her Dutch grandparents and father (they all lived together many years after arriving in the US - there were three generations in the home). I regret that I didn't carry the tradition on with my son. I would have done it this year, but I didn't plan ahead and so didn't have an orange in the house. He likes oranges, but we don't often buy them. I'm sure he doesn't buy them when he is at school. If I explain the tradition, do you think he would be interested? I was thinking about this with regard to my own kids. I don't think they would be interested in starting a tradition for the tradition's sake. I think traditions just evolve; I don't think someone can say "I want to start a tradition of..." and necessarily have it stick, kwim? Or I should say, it hasn't worked that way in my family. Of course a person might hear about some culture's or family's tradition and say "neat, yeah, I'd like to do that." And maybe it would stick as a tradition for them, or maybe it wouldn't. I know if I suddenly started putting an orange in my kids' stockings, they wouldn't be upset but they'd be rather puzzled. But they don't like oranges much. They might remember reading about that tradition because I think it is pretty common. I think my mom put oranges in our stockings when I was young. Now that I live someplace where oranges are typically a dollar apiece, it may well be that if my kids liked oranges they would get them in their stockings as a special treat! :-) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I was thinking about this with regard to my own kids. I don't think they would be interested in starting a tradition for the tradition's sake. I think traditions just evolve; I don't think someone can say "I want to start a tradition of..." and necessarily have it stick, kwim? Or I should say, it hasn't worked that way in my family. I started a tradition about five years ago of the dog giving us clothes for Christmas and birthdays. The idea was that she was concerned about how naked and cold we seemed. She signs cards with a paw print. Everyone seems to like the new tradition and the dog gets extra thank-you hugs. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I started a tradition about five years ago of the dog giving us clothes for Christmas and birthdays. The idea was that she was concerned about how naked and cold we seemed. She signs cards with a paw print. Everyone seems to like the new tradition and the dog gets extra thank-you hugs. That is so sweet! :001_wub: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 That is so sweet! :001_wub: It partly came about because the boys were not getting presents from many people: my mum sends book tokens; one of my brothers sends a present and I buy something on behalf of Husband's brother. My dad is dead as are my parents-in-law. Both Husband and I are the youngest in our families, our parents were relatively old when we were born, and we had children fairly late ourselves. So we are running out of extended family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 It partly came about because the boys were not getting presents from many people: my mum sends book tokens; one of my brothers sends a present and I buy something on behalf of Husband's brother. My dad is dead as are my parents-in-law. Both Husband and I are the youngest in our families, our parents were relatively old when we were born, and we had children fairly late ourselves. So we are running out of extended family. Always feels funny to click the like button on a post that is somewhat bittersweet. We have very little extended family ourselves, so I understand this. I love the idea. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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