Vent-How Homeschoolers are perceived

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Apologies in advance, but I needed to say this out loud where folks would understand.

 

Very frustrated with the teen who informed Clemmie (dd #1 in my sig) this weekend that she was the sort of kid who would go wild when she arrived at college since she was homeschooled.  The rational being (according to this teen) that people only homeschool their kids to keep them from being vaccinated and/or learning about evolution.  This sheltered lifestyle was going to make my kid a party girl from day one.

 

Argh!  There is so much wrong with this that I can't even form the words properly.

 

Sigh-thank you for listening and letting me vent.

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Yes, DD has had her cousins ask her if she ever gets to go outside.   :huh: 

 

And some family members expressed concern that she might turn to drugs and s*x as soon as she left the house because she wouldn't have developed any coping skills for dealing with the outside world.   :confused1:   (FWIW, that same family now has one child using drugs and another dropped out of school).

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Apologies in advance, but I needed to say this out loud where folks would understand.

 

Very frustrated with the teen who informed Clemmie (dd #1 in my sig) this weekend that she was the sort of kid who would go wild when she arrived at college since she was homeschooled.  The rational being (according to this teen) that people only homeschool their kids to keep them from being vaccinated and/or learning about evolution.  This sheltered lifestyle was going to make my kid a party girl from day one.

 

Argh!  There is so much wrong with this that I can't even form the words properly.

 

Sigh-thank you for listening and letting me vent.

 

Did she give the other teen what for? 

 

To paraphrase a favorite line from Harry Potter:

"I don't me to be rude . . ."

"And yet, accidental rudeness happens quite frequently."

 

 

Alas, there isn't a vaccination for rudeness.

[creekland]

My guys would tell these types of people that they got to go out daily for chores and at least once per week to see other people at church - if they were good, that is.   :lol:

 

Putting a bit of humor in it generally let the others realize just how dumb their reasoning was.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

I'm not exactly sure what she said in response to the kid.  

 

She is in the position of needing not to burn bridges nor create a situation where there would be resulting conflict between our families.  She is also aware she and her siblings are probably the only homeschoolers this kid has ever met or had prolonged interaction with.

 

Shame she is so unsocialized that she couldn't possibly have come to any of the above conclusions on her own.  (total sarcasm in that statement since she is aware of all of the above-without having to be told-and I'm sure had a diplomatic response, or at least only as undiplomatic as was possible under the circumstances)

 

 

[MomatHWTK]

I usually don't take life advice from teens.  ;)

[ThisIsTheDay]

  This sheltered lifestyle was going to make my kid a party girl from day one.

 

.

 

Of course she is--because those public schooled kids NEVER do that!

 

;)

 

Sorry you're dealing with this.  Sometimes I feel like we are still fighting these same stereotypes 15 years later, that those perceptions haven't changed.

 

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Thank you all!!   :001_smile:

 

I think part of what frustrates me is that this is someone who has known my kids for the past year and yet they are letting the stereotypes run rampant over their own knowledge of my kids.  

 

Sigh-perhaps I expect too much.  But I appreciate the support-I needed it today!!

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Possible responses

 

That's why Daddy has me looking at convent schools.

 

I'm hoping for a Beer Pong scholarship.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Perhaps we could try...

 

"Well, I hope I learn to drink heavily-people begin to suspect you're hustling them at pool if you're sober and I'll need to pay my tuition bills somehow..."

 

I'm feeling quite snarky today.  Apologies, again.

 

I suppose I should add that none of my commentary is derived from any belief on my part that Clemmie is any better (or worse) than any other homeschooled (or otherwise educated) kid, because she is just a normal kid.  I am actually perturbed by the random use of homeschool stereotypes in general.

[creekland]

 

I think part of what frustrates me is that this is someone who has known my kids for the past year and yet they are letting the stereotypes run rampant over their own knowledge of my kids.  

 

Sigh-perhaps I expect too much.  But I appreciate the support-I needed it today!!

 

It happens.  Freshman year, first semester, middle son took Bio from a prof at his college and pretty much aced the class.  He was chosen by the prof to be interviewed for a TA position the following year and the interview went really well until the prof asked him where he went to high school.  Upon learning he was homeschooled the prof instantly changed his demeanor.  My son was told he wouldn't be able to assist other kids if they needed help and the only reason he knew anything about science was due to his having grown up on a farm.   :glare:  It hit my guy pretty hard - that old WTH??? feeling any of us would get.

 

Since then... middle son has been a TA for chemistry, organic chemistry, and a brain & cognitive science class.  His end of the year evaluations from his students gives him more than 4.5 stars (out of 5).  Students from sections other than his regularly came to his classes instead.

 

Then... last year he had the same prof for a junior level class (something like Animals and Evolution) and got the highest grade in the class.  He had a good rapport with the prof for both classes.  

 

We're hoping that maybe his stereotype has gotten a crack in it.  Who knows though?  The prof might have forgotten.

 

It can take quite a bit to overcome what some folks KNOW.

 

I'm pretty sure my guy has done ok though.  Good thing he grew up on a farm!  

[Jen in NY]

Of course she is--because those public schooled kids NEVER do that!

 

;)

 

Sorry you're dealing with this.  Sometimes I feel like we are still fighting these same stereotypes 15 years later, that those perceptions haven't changed.

 

 

This is what I was thinking... LOL. There is absolutely no shortage of people 'turning' to sex and drinking on my dds' campus --- and the vast majority of those folks went to school.

 

(Also, there are also kids there just growing up and living their lives the best they can, too.... and doesn't just about *everyone* turn to sex eventually, one way or another? I love how Benedick talks himself into a relationship with Beatrice. :)  )

 

I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants

of wit broken on me because I have railed so long against

marriage, but doth not the appetite alter? A man loves the

meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age. Shall

quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the

brain awe a man from the career of his humor?

No! The world must be peopled. When I said I would die a

bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.

 

- Benedick, Much Ado About Nothing

[SparklyUnicorn]

Possible responses

 

That's why Daddy has me looking at convent schools.

 

I'm hoping for a Beer Pong scholarship.

 

:lol:

[Haiku]

I wouldn't worry about it. I find it unsurprising that a schooled child wouldn't understand homeschooling. Children who go to school have a completely different mental paradigm for what constitutes an education, and that paradigm is constantly reinforced to them. I think that as homeschoolers who tend to surround ourselves with other homeschoolers, we can forget how radical the choice to forgo school can seem to others because we have become used to it as a humdrum, everyday thing that we are doing.

[shanezomom]

Jen in NY, now I'm laughing at a new stereotype...."And homeschool moms are always quoting Shakespeare." LOL!

[MysteryJen]

My girls had a conversation last night with friends. One said she was having a hard time making friends at school (always public school-now at a new high school). Another girl (homeschooled until this year, at the same high school) said really, there are 600 freshman, it is easy to find friends.

My girls are always surprised that so many of their teammates find it very hard to make new friends, preferring to stay with people they know, even if they are mean. The homeschoolers they know are always making new friends. This has lead them to the conclusion that meeting new people and making new friends is a skill that ps kids haven't practiced very frequently.

 

And yet, the public schooled girl (same as above) said homeschooled kids won't have fun at college, because they don't know how to party and make friends.

 

Logic is not a class anymore.

[mommaduck]

Mine have been told that they couldn't possibly have friends since they are homeschooled (they have friends...their friends just happen to be all over the place rather than just this one small town that closes everyone out that isn't from here). Other kids have told them that they couldn't possibly know anything, because homeschooling isn't a "real education" according to one of their public school teachers (this was up in Pennsylvania).

[SkateLeft]

My kids have all heard stuff like this, and they just laugh. At youth group once, my 17 year old was asked by an adult leader how she makes friends. She looked around the room and said, "By going to stuff like youth group?"

 

People just don't think. I actually suspect that the teens who've given my kids the hardest time about being homeschooled are probably jealous. As much as I loved school, I lived for the weekends and hated having to get up and out early each morning. I would have been jealous of the freedom my kids have!

 

In reality, when my oldest went off to college, she found that the kids who'd spent hours each day sheltered from the real world in a school classroom with kids all the same age and the same socioeconomic status struggled far more when it came to suddenly having freedom and independence. They'd had their time micromanaged for years. For her, it was a much easier transition. 

[klmama]

My kids have all heard stuff like this, and they just laugh. At youth group once, my 17 year old was asked by an adult leader how she makes friends. She looked around the room and said, "By going to stuff like youth group?"

 

People just don't think.

 

This.  All of my dc are very active in outside activities where they have many friends, and yet people there still ask how they make friends.  The dc often have to make the connection for them.  To their credit, at that point most of those asking acknowledge the silliness of their question.  

[Sebastian (a lady)]

People say thoughtless and poorly thought out stuff all the time.

 

When we had short notice orders to move I got a lot of I don't know how you do it, but then you must be good at moving comments. I was thinking that if someone else suggested it wasn't as hard for doing it often I might lose it. I'm sure they were trying to commiserate but it felt annoying instead.

 

Of course kids who go to college and go wild or fail stick in the mind. And students often need to learn how to juggle a lot. Homeschoolers aren't unique in that.

[My3girls]

I'm so glad that we haven't had to deal with this prejudice.  Typically, my girls have run into the "I wish I could homeschool" kids.  I have only had one adult say anything negative to me about homeschooling.  The most frequent response is "Good for you" or "I could never do that."  I'm sorry your daughter had to endure such an ignorant conversation. 

[Junie]

My kids have all heard stuff like this, and they just laugh. At youth group once, my 17 year old was asked by an adult leader how she makes friends. She looked around the room and said, "By going to stuff like youth group?"

 

 

 

:lol:

[48820592]

My SIL told my dh that the reason moms homeschool is because it builds the mom's self esteem, she is basing this off the "all" the moms that she has met in her social work job that need so much counselling, etc.  She also said that no mom should homeschool high school because they cannot teach all subjects adequately and therefore would be failing the child.  Whatever.

[Kerileanne99]

It happens. Freshman year, first semester, middle son took Bio from a prof at his college and pretty much aced the class. He was chosen by the prof to be interviewed for a TA position the following year and the interview went really well until the prof asked him where he went to high school. Upon learning he was homeschooled the prof instantly changed his demeanor. My son was told he wouldn't be able to assist other kids if they needed help and the only reason he knew anything about science was due to his having grown up on a farm. :glare: It hit my guy pretty hard - that old WTH??? feeling any of us would get.

 

Since then... middle son has been a TA for chemistry, organic chemistry, and a brain & cognitive science class. His end of the year evaluations from his students gives him more than 4.5 stars (out of 5). Students from sections other than his regularly came to his classes instead.

 

Then... last year he had the same prof for a junior level class (something like Animals and Evolution) and got the highest grade in the class. He had a good rapport with the prof for both classes.

 

We're hoping that maybe his stereotype has gotten a crack in it. Who knows though? The prof might have forgotten.

 

It can take quite a bit to overcome what some folks KNOW.

 

I'm pretty sure my guy has done ok though. Good thing he grew up on a farm!

When my dd5 was born it was still considered a bit strange (in hubby and colleague's eyes) to meet homeschoolers and they definitely didn't have a great reputation. Particularly in the sciences, where hubby teaches.

Fast forward five years and encounters with previously-Homeschooled students opened my British, traditionally-minded hubby's eyes to the possibility and benefits of homeschooling! He says he consistently meets well-read, well-spoken, hard-working students only to discover they were homeschooled...

[dhudson]

I think most of our kids face this. A professor from Berkely who works with my son on Computer Science stuff told me, " Huh, you Christian Homeschoolers seem to be actually smart. I never thought that was possible." I didn't know whether to laugh or say thank you.

[Mom22ns]

We find that public school students and teachers generally have a very negative view of homeschoolers because most of those they meet are the ones who quit and put their kids in public school. Most of the people that quit, don't do it because things were going great. However, so far we haven't run onto any negative comments from college (during DE). Dd did have a professor who pretty much didn't believe she was only 15 :). She is petite and looks her age, but is very mature so people just assume she is older than she is. He wasn't at all negative about it once she explained she was homeschooled. 

 

Dd did have a girl who came to church and when she found out she was homeschooled told her how terrible that was and how sad that she is missing "everything". Dd asked what it was she was missing and it was homecoming, prom, football games. Dd said she wasn't really  interested in dances and she goes to football games sometimes with friends. She went on to explain that to her, high school was about getting an education and she is very satisfied with the quality of her education, not to mention she is planning to graduate a year early which wouldn't have been possible if she had been in ps. The girl probably thought she was poorly socialized to not be interested in prom. We're ok with that.

[creekland]

Just FTR, it's not all - or even a majority - of college profs who looked down on middle son.  It was only that one.  I think we (homeschoolers) are making significant progress - or rather - our homeschoolers are out there breaking stereotypes.

 

All other college profs my guy has had from DE on to now have encouraged him to reach for the stars letting him know he is fully capable - and not all of it is due to having grown up on a farm.  None (even the one dude) have complained about his lacking any sort of academic foundation.  

 

Nothing has shown me he's lacking social skills either.  I'm don't think he'd have been approved as an RA if there were serious social skills lacking.  It's a very competitive environment there to get an RA position.  I'm not even sure half who apply and complete the class get accepted.

 

He was sought out for the TA positions he had - he didn't actively seek them.  (This is the way his college works for TAs.)

 

One bad experience - oodles and oodles of good ones.  'Tis best to not miss the overall picture.

[Angie in VA]

I usually don't take life advice from teens.  ;)

 

 

Angie considers adding this to her signature. Perhaps after changing it from usually don't to NEVER.

[Junie]

Ds said that he has only heard one comment similar to these.  Several years ago he was taking the yearly standardized tests at our church's Christian school.  Ds always finishes the spelling portion of the test quickly.  (The test doesn't really involve spelling, but recognizing the word that is spelled correctly.)

After that portion of the test, one of the other students said something to him about finishing quickly and then added, "I thought you were homeschooled."  (Nevermind the fact that he was at least a year younger than everyone else in the class...)

[Haiku]

After that portion of the test, one of the other students said something to him about finishing quickly and then added, "I thought you were homeschooled." 

 

Maybe I'm missing the complete context or tone, but to me this sounds more like, "Why are you at school taking a test when you are homeschooled?" than "How could you actually be smart when you are homeschooled?"

[Junie]

Maybe I'm missing the complete context or tone, but to me this sounds more like, "Why are you at school taking a test when you are homeschooled?" than "How could you actually be smart when you are homeschooled?"

 

No.  It had already been explained that he was taking the test as a homeschool requirement.  The other kid only made the comment because ds finished the spelling test so quickly.  From the way it was explained to me, the kid was kind of dumb-founded that a homeschooler would be able to complete a test faster than a kid who was schooled.

[Haiku]

No.  It had already been explained that he was taking the test as a homeschool requirement.  The other kid only made the comment because ds finished the spelling test so quickly.  From the way it was explained to me, the kid was kind of dumb-founded that a homeschooler would be able to complete a test faster than a kid who was schooled.

 

Gotcha. Although, I can kinda see that, too, as around here homeschoolers tend to have a reputation of being wild-eyed hippies who eschew tests in any form. ;)

[Reefgazer]

I have a DD who I am *sure* will go wild at college, LOL, and she is fully vaxxed, relatively non-religious, fully versed in and accepting of evolution, and assuredly not sheltered. But she would go wild without homeschooling, also. It's the personality. I hope your DD laughed in her face and told her she was taking her friend down the decadent, sex-and-drug fueled path along with her!

[Brad S]

I'm so glad that we haven't had to deal with this prejudice.  Typically, my girls have run into the "I wish I could homeschool" kids.  I have only had one adult say anything negative to me about homeschooling.  The most frequent response is "Good for you" or "I could never do that."  I'm sorry your daughter had to endure such an ignorant conversation. 

 

 

When my dd5 was born it was still considered a bit strange (in hubby and colleague's eyes) to meet homeschoolers and they definitely didn't have a great reputation. Particularly in the sciences, where hubby teaches.

Fast forward five years and encounters with previously-Homeschooled students opened my British, traditionally-minded hubby's eyes to the possibility and benefits of homeschooling! He says he consistently meets well-read, well-spoken, hard-working students only to discover they were homeschooled...

Our experience has been more like those above rather than critical.  In fact, in our more-ambitious-than-average community, I've been asked several times about homeschooling by parents who are concerned that their kids in bricks-and-mortar school might be falling behind home-schooled kids. Most of the time, especially in recent years, it's been more of a curiosity or ho-hum, "different strokes for different folks" attitude. 

[TranquilMind]

Apologies in advance, but I needed to say this out loud where folks would understand.

 

Very frustrated with the teen who informed Clemmie (dd #1 in my sig) this weekend that she was the sort of kid who would go wild when she arrived at college since she was homeschooled.  The rational being (according to this teen) that people only homeschool their kids to keep them from being vaccinated and/or learning about evolution.  This sheltered lifestyle was going to make my kid a party girl from day one.

 

Argh!  There is so much wrong with this that I can't even form the words properly.

 

Sigh-thank you for listening and letting me vent.

Mine was home-schooled for most of the time and did not go wild.  In fact, that one became more conservative and found the partying/drinking constantly pretty tiresome. 

Win! 

 

I think it might happen, but I'm certain that it has little to do with home schooling, and a lot to do with how generally restricted the child was, and what the relationships are like at home than where the child learned academic material. 

[TranquilMind]

I have a DD who I am *sure* will go wild at college, LOL, and she is fully vaxxed, relatively non-religious, fully versed in and accepting of evolution, and assuredly not sheltered. But she would go wild without homeschooling, also. It's the personality. I hope your DD laughed in her face and told her she was taking her friend down the decadent, sex-and-drug fueled path along with her!

I agree with you.  It is the personality and level of risk-taking that is acceptable to the kid, not the location of schooling. 

 

Lots of people are just stupid - including lots of us - in the late teens/early 20's.  And then we develop some judgment (hopefully). 

[TranquilMind]

Angie considers adding this to her signature. Perhaps after changing it from usually don't to NEVER.

I don't know.  I have one in his mid-teens that has always said oddly wise and mature things, even as a young child.  I sometimes felt like God was speaking to me about how to handle a matter through this child, as he would say things and actually give me advice that no kid that age would know to say (including any of my others) and about topics of which he could have no knowledge.  I remember one discussion when he was six that was mind-boggling. 

 

Even today, he is oddly mature for his age.  Sometimes, it is like talking to a wise elderly person - just now and then.  Very unsettling. 

 

So it can happen, rarely. 

[Angie in VA]

I don't know.  I have one in his mid-teens that has always said oddly wise and mature things, even as a young child.  I sometimes felt like God was speaking to me about how to handle a matter through this child, as he would say things and actually give me advice that no kid that age would know to say (including any of my others) and about topics of which he could have no knowledge.  I remember one discussion when he was six that was mind-boggling. 

 

Even today, he is oddly mature for his age.  Sometimes, it is like talking to a wise elderly person - just now and then.  Very unsettling. 

 

So it can happen, rarely. 

 

I was speaking generally, but appreciate your story. 

 

Too bad he's too young for my dd! NOT that I would ever be a matchmaker. Nope. Not me! I retired from that after one embarrassing incident. 

[TranquilMind]

I was speaking generally, but appreciate your story. 

 

Too bad he's too young for my dd! NOT that I would ever be a matchmaker. Nope. Not me! I retired from that after one embarrassing incident. 

Ha ha.

I'd be a fantastic matchmaker.  I could so do that for a living.  People actually used to seek me out and want me to hang out with the couple for a bit and give my observations.  Now, I really know few single people, now that I'm older but it still happens once in awhile. 

 

I wish the kids would listen!  The most I can say is, "Make sure that your friends AND YOUR PARENTS all agree this is a good match for you, when you find the right one.  If there is a dissension, there is a reason for that. And trust your gut.  It never lies.  "

 

I'm married to a younger man.  Look me up in a decade if your daughter isn't married (and he isn't yet either).  :)

[creekland]

The most I can say is, "Make sure that your friends AND YOUR PARENTS all agree this is a good match for you, when you find the right one.  If there is a dissension, there is a reason for that. 

 

If this always worked, I'd be single.  There's no way my mom and dad would ever agree about anything when I was that age.  Since mom liked future hubby, dad thought he was the pits and I was just getting married to escape life, esp since we didn't actually date long (4 months from my thinking he was a jerk & stuck up to deciding to get married and another 3 months to pull off a small wedding).

 

That was all 27 years ago and we're still happily going strong!  I don't think we've spent more than a week apart from each other since our wedding, and that week thing was a one time deal.

 

Once we truly got to know each other, we just both knew we'd have a blast in life together (and he changed from his stuck up ways - he'll even admit that!).

 

I get amused when people/books say you have to be together for years, etc.  Not necessarily.   :coolgleamA:

 

BTW, I had one friend in college who told me right after that first "he was really stuck up" date (when I was pissed and ranting) that we'd get married.  I laughed at her and wondered what she was on.  Later she was one of my bridesmaids...

 

Life can be strange...  :laugh:

[Angie in VA]

Ha ha.

I'd be a fantastic matchmaker.  I could so do that for a living.  People actually used to seek me out and want me to hang out with the couple for a bit and give my observations.  Now, I really know few single people, now that I'm older but it still happens once in awhile. 

 

I wish the kids would listen!  The most I can say is, "Make sure that your friends AND YOUR PARENTS all agree this is a good match for you, when you find the right one.  If there is a dissension, there is a reason for that. And trust your gut.  It never lies.  "

 

I'm married to a younger man.  Look me up in a decade if your daughter isn't married (and he isn't yet either).  :)

 

Will do!

 

Psssst: Her mother is also married to a younger man!   :leaving: 

[daijobu]

People say thoughtless and poorly thought out stuff all the time.

 

 

 

Like me.  

 

One time I was flying with the family over the holidays.  There were plenty of examples of less-than-ideal parenting going on.  Kids plugged into DVD players, phones, whatever.  Parents not engaged with their kids.

 

Then I saw one mom, reading out loud to her kids.  At the airport.  It was lovely to see.  And what did I say to this lovely person?  

 

Me: "Oh!  Do you homeschool?"

 

Her: "No."

 

Me: (embarrassed for some reason) "Oh, sorry, you looked like someone who cared."  

 

What was I thinking?  I didn't really mean it that way at all, but I blurted it out.  She really did look like a homeschooler to me, and I suppose I needed to explain why I thought that.  Ugh.