At what age is it acceptable to curse?

[newbie]

I was thinking about this today, b/c I was checking out the discussion forum for K12 for teens, and I noticed the teens were cussing, it wasn't the F word. But they did use the *crap* word. These were fifteen and sixteen y.o.

 

Which is unacceptable in my house, we dont cuss here. I would drop dead if I heard either dd say a bad word. They can throw attitude all over the place, but no cussing. I even correct family members with potty mouths.

 

Am I being too old fashioned, I dont want my dd on those boards, when they are throwing around these words and talking about exes that cheat.

 

Scary,

[Laura in VA]

I don't think you're old-fashioned at all! That kind of speech is unacceptable in our house as well. What kills me is hearing other parents use foul language while speaking to their kids. I wouldn't let my dc hang out on that board either. And my answer to your question would be "never". :)

[newbie]

Thanks Laura, I am glad I am not the only fuddy duddy.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I was thinking about this today, b/c I was checking out the discussion forum for K12 for teens, and I noticed the teens were cussing, it wasn't the F word. But they did use the *crap* word. These were fifteen and sixteen y.o.

 

Which is unacceptable in my house, we dont cuss here. I would drop dead if I heard either dd say a bad word. They can throw attitude all over the place, but no cussing. I even correct family members with potty mouths.

 

Am I being too old fashioned, I dont want my dd on those boards, when they are throwing around these words and talking about exes that cheat.

 

Scary,

 

Do you mean in our respective families? Or what we think should be the rule? For us, profanity would be 18 and out of my house, simply because I find it rude and unnecessary. We don't allow the "milder" profanities ("darn," "dang," "gee") before the teen years, and we ask that they limit them outside the house. Obscenity I hope they can find they can do without forever. Not in my presence, ever. Their choice, as it is with everyone, when they are grown-ish and away from me. Vulgarity? Well, one person's vulgar as you noted is another person's normal speech. I find my own speech is a bit more vulgar than I'd like. I wax and wane fixing it and slipping up. So I guess I would say that I prefer no mild vulgarity (crap, spit (as in, "oh, spit!"), but I don't regulate it after fourteen or so.

[Sue G in PA]

Unacceptable here as well. I grew up w/ a father who cursed a lot...used it in everyday conversation and so I had a potty mouth. My dh didn't grow up around it and couldn't curse his way out of a paper bag. I have a tough time with it, but we don't accept that kind of language around here. You're not a fuddy duddy!

[Mom to Aly]

Well, crap to me, at least from an adult, is not that bad, but I think it is because my sister says it all the time, and I have been softened towards it. Attitude is much worse to me--I never intend to allow my daughter to have attitude to me, whether she is a teen or an adult, just as I still won't with my mother. Nor would I ever curse in front of my mother, nor my daughter, for that matter.

[newbie]

Unacceptable here as well. I grew up w/ a father who cursed a lot...used it in everyday conversation and so I had a potty mouth. My dh didn't grow up around it and couldn't curse his way out of a paper bag. I have a tough time with it, but we don't accept that kind of language around here. You're not a fuddy duddy!

 

I think that is why I am so anti potty mouth, b/c I did grow up around it, parents threw it out constantly. But we did not curse.

 

Its funny, b/c I hadnt spoke with my real dad, for many yrs, and talked to him for Fathers Day and every other word was a cuss word. It made me ill.

[HomeOnTheRanch]

I cuss whenever it is necessary...which is never. I hope that my vocabulary is always broad enough that I can say what needs to be said without cussing. My parents weren't raised in cussing families, DH and I weren't raised in cussing families, and our children aren't being raised that way. When I'm ninety, they better not come and visit me and start cussing without expecting me to wash their mouths out with soap!

 

I was thinking about this today, b/c I was checking out the discussion forum for K12 for teens, and I noticed the teens were cussing, it wasn't the F word. But they did use the *crap* word. These were fifteen and sixteen y.o.

 

Which is unacceptable in my house, we dont cuss here. I would drop dead if I heard either dd say a bad word. They can throw attitude all over the place, but no cussing. I even correct family members with potty mouths.

 

Am I being too old fashioned, I dont want my dd on those boards, when they are throwing around these words and talking about exes that cheat.

 

Scary,

[newbie]

I cuss whenever it is necessary...which is never. I hope that my vocabulary is always broad enough that I can say what needs to be said without cussing. My parents weren't raised in cussing families, DH and I weren't raised in cussing families, and our children aren't being raised that way. When I'm ninety, they better not come and visit me and start cussing without expecting me to wash their mouths out with soap!

 

LOL

[Guest]

I would say never. It definitely is not allowed in our home at any age.

[Parrothead]

There is a time and place for everything. The time and place to mildly cuss in front of mom and dad is when the kids are 45 and living somewhere else. I've got three more years to go.

 

At some point it may get picked up depending on when and how often friends are doing it. Moving out of the high school/college circle of peers seems to add pressure not to cuss. It isn't acceptable in the work place for the most part.

[KAR120C]

Since we don't have any hard-and-fast rules about these things, the way I explained it when DS was little was that cuss words are very "angry" words, and very extreme words, and that if he's using them it had better be for something worth all that. If he were cussing I'd be more concerned about the attitude than the words.

[Old Dominion Heather]

See, crap would be ok with me. Stronger language wouldn't. I agree with Aly's mom that attitude bothers me WAY more.

 

A funny aside... one of my first words was "sh*t", said when I dropped a toy. I learned it from my dear, sweet, precious grandmother who turned 81 yesterday. My mom said that they had to pull be out of our super large church's Sunday School because I was learning to curse. Apparently, it was quite attractive to me!

[GSMP]

I didn't think there was an acceptable age.

 

My dad was horrible and my mother was no better.

 

I have always heard that cussing was a sign of ignorance. It takes an intelligent person or a broader vocabulary to be able to get the same point across without using offensive language.

 

I have been known to say crap and crud.....:D

[Peri]

I don't approve of cussing either. I think its unacceptable as adults, therefore it is definately unacceptable for children. I usually tell any girl I find cussing this, "Its such a shame when I see such beautiful young ladies and then when I heard them talk and all this garbage comes out of their mouths, it decreases their value a great deal."

[tibbyl]

I don't approve of cussing either. I think its unacceptable as adults, therefore it is definately unacceptable for children. I usually tell any girl I find cussing this, "Its such a shame when I see such beautiful young ladies and then when I heard them talk and all this garbage comes out of their mouths, it decreases their value a great deal."

 

I am curious. What type of response do you typically get when you chastise a girl for swearing?

[Pamela H in Texas]

potty mouthing is never necessary, however.....

 

The other day, there was a thread and I had a phrase in my head and I just couldn't figure out another way to describe what I meant. It completely weakened my opinion. However, I wasn't about to lower myself to using the phrase.

 

I think that sometimes can be the biggest problem in EVER letting ourselves use vulgar language.

 

I want my kids to always be able to state themselves effectively, regardless of the setting, being witnesses for God! I don't want them shackled in a situation because they can't figure a better phrase.

 

JMO,

[Joanne]

I don't think you are a fuddy duddy or that your standards are inappropriate at all!

 

Mine are a bit more relaxed, but I respect yours.

 

 

I have reminded teens in public to "please be considerate of the younger kids" before because I do think there is a time and place.

 

I'm more like:

 

 

 

 

Since we don't have any hard-and-fast rules about these things, the way I explained it when DS was little was that cuss words are very "angry" words, and very extreme words, and that if he's using them it had better be for something worth all that. If he were cussing I'd be more concerned about the attitude than the words.

 

And I'll add that I think teen experiments with language is something I'll allow to a degree.

[Laura Corin]

I've explained to Calvin about the different registers of language that we all use to varying degrees: we use different forms of speech in a job interview than with same-age friends. Swearing is not appropriate at home, or around other adults. If he chooses to try out those words with his peers, that's his decision.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[swellmomma]

According to my mother even I am not old enough to curse. I have to say crap is not considered a curse word in my house once the kids are teens. I say crap on a cracker when overly frustrated, it was my downgrade from the foul mouth I previously had. I have a bigger problem with backtalk and attitude than words like crap. Right now though at my kids ages no cussing is allowed, and even things like "shut up" is considered foul language.

[JudyJudyJudy]

Cursing doesn't bother me. However, I do not allow my son to curse, primarily because I don't want him to do it in front of other kids whose parents feel different about the issue than I do. When he is a teenager, I suspect that I won't really mind if he curses now and then as long as he isn't cursing at someone.

[OhM]

Am I the only one who thought OP used *crap* as a substitute for *s__t*?

 

I explain it to my dd's (and feel myself) that using shock words is a cheap substitute for actually expressing what you're trying to say. It speaks to a poor vocabulary and a weak mind.

 

That's my theory - in actuality I don't have the greatest vocabulary or expressive skills, but at least I'm not going to broadcast it by using all forms of *f__k* as my favorite nouns, verbs or adjectives!

[She]

My MIL was over the other day and 3yo said something to which the girls said, "Don't say that!" I asked what he said, and MIL said, " Who knows, kids say anything these days!"

 

Um, no they don't, they can't say something they've not heard! He said, "Booty". That's only cause he made it up some time ago, and the girls laughed at him. He continued to use the word, thinking it was funny, until I told the girls to quit laughing at him because I didn't like it.

 

Definately not acceptable, but very common.

 

Some people have had "potty mouth" for so long, I don't think they even know they are doing it. When I used to sell Pampered Chef, I had a hostess I worked with whose every other word was a cuss. ___ing this, and ____that. She wasn't even mad. She said it like it meant something was wonderful adverb. Ugh. I was glad when that was over. :ohmy::thumbdown:

[LisaKinVA]

A large vocabulary is a horrible thing to waste. The look of utter shock and horror when you tell people what you *really* think using such words can be very satisfying.

 

Unfortunately, when you're working with a bunch of midshipmen, with equally large vocabularies, but who are used to people cursing when they are truly upset -- I found that when I absolutely had to make a point, the only way they would listen to me was if I threw an epithet in there. At that point they were all :bigear:. I don't get it either... My dh (bless his heart), can be the same way at times (is this a Navy thing???). I suppose why it "worked" in those situations is because it wasn't a regular thing...

 

Growing up *cr*p* was never considered a vulgar word -- it wasn't used all the time, though. At one point, my parents decided (I think I was a teenager), that any "substitute" for a vulgar word couldn't be used either... Oh Fudge, Oh man, became banned... sorry, I don't get that. Saying, "I'm so dissapointed, frustrated, etc." when really talking to myself seemed like overkill.

 

IMO, in the right tone a child's full name name can sound like a curse word!

 

I'll also say, I hate attitude much more than words. Not that I want my 9yo to be throwing out curse words either. But, that steel-eyed look, angry face and the "I really hate you right now, mom" would hurt far worse IMO.

 

Curse words are "very angry words" and should only be used in the correct context. It's the over-use sprinkled throughout normal every day conversation I really oppose.

 

We aren't there yet -- but I'd probably say older teen, not in my hearing.

[Carrie12345]

In our house, there are different levels of cuss words. It's generally not acceptable for our children to use any of them at this time, and we have not assigned any age at which they would become acceptable.

 

I, however, have a filthy mouth.

 

With that, I shall go erase my blog link. :)

[Danestress]

I am not sure what qualifies as a "curse" word. Maybe "cr@p" doesn't. But I still find that kind of language unattractive.

 

If my child really wanted to post on a site where that was happening (and I don't think kids really NEED to post anywhere, but if you are okay with the computer use and it's just the language) I would probably explain that I don't like that language and if I hear her using it, I will start eliminating places where she's hearing it, but if she's able to hear it and not incorporate it into her own usage, fine.

 

I think it would be pretty restrictive to never let a 16 year old spend time with someone who said "cr@p" and I wouldn't even try. The important thing to me would be that my daughter be the influencer for good rather than the person influenced to lower her standards.

[Heather in Neverland]

I don't think of it as allowed or not allowed...I think of it as respectful or disrespectful. So our children are not allowed to curse because it is disrespectful.

 

When I taught high school in a VERY rough urban school, I told my students that cursing was only for people who did not have a large enough vocabulary. So when they cursed they had to do a vocabulary exercise where they had to come up with 10 words they could have said instead of the curse word they chose.

 

It worked!

[cin]

A funny aside... one of my first words was "sh*t", said when I dropped a toy. I learned it from my dear, sweet, precious grandmother who turned 81 yesterday.

 

 

I was 3 yrs old when I let out with a bold Bull $h1t. I"m sure my my mom was apoplectic. I learned it from my Uncle, whom I can still hear saying it loud and clear. He had a way of saying bull that was different, maybe a lazy way? He did have some mental & emotional problems. So it was a little more acceptable for him.

[newbie]

Am I the only one who thought OP used *crap* as a substitute for *s__t*?

 

I explain it to my dd's (and feel myself) that using shock words is a cheap substitute for actually expressing what you're trying to say. It speaks to a poor vocabulary and a weak mind.

 

That's my theory - in actuality I don't have the greatest vocabulary or expressive skills, but at least I'm not going to broadcast it by using all forms of *f__k* as my favorite nouns, verbs or adjectives!

 

The word was crap. Sorry if it came off as an intonation.

[Mrs. Readsalot]

Dh and I never curse, and our son doesn't either. Interestingly last week ds said that his friends are "going through a cursing phase" and it is really bothering him. Basically he doesn't like to be around it. He also noted that his friends think it makes them look "cool" but, he just thinks it makes them look like they are giving into peer pressure. Ds is very good at standing up for himself.

[gardening momma]

At what age is it appropriate to curse Never

[Renee in NC]

Well, my dh tends to encourage my 5yo to curse in certain ways (and way stronger than crap.)

 

I guess that tells you what the rule is in my house, huh?:glare:

[nakitty]

When they can use it correctly and not just for shock value....that is the definitive age for me.

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

I am not offended by cussing by adults. I hear it a lot in my field (you would think not, huh? I'm an RN). Cr@p is not a bad word in my family...even my grandmother says that and she is a *saint*

I did just have the what does the F-word mean conversation with my ds8 & ds6. My ds6 asked "does f____ spell F*" I explained no, it doesn't, and why do you ask? Do you know what it means? I then explained that it means mating, but in a vulgar way that society has deemed to be inappropriate at all times. I told him that if our neighbor ever heard him say that he would probably never get to play with his best friend again, and if I heard him say it, he would get a mouth full of soap, because in polite society it is deemed unacceptable. End of conversation. Never heard the word again (unless I was listening to myself....I have HUGE potty mouth that I keep under control at home unless a piece of furniture gets dropped on my foot).

When I was growing up it was called "barn talk" and we could go down to the barn and say whatever word we wanted to say. No words were off limits, we just knew that some words were not said outside of the barn. If a word was said in polite company I would get told "that's barn talk." End of story, unless I said it a second time in polite company.

[jamnkats]

I was thinking about this today, b/c I was checking out the discussion forum for K12 for teens, and I noticed the teens were cussing, it wasn't the F word. But they did use the *crap* word. These were fifteen and sixteen y.o.

 

Which is unacceptable in my house, we dont cuss here. I would drop dead if I heard either dd say a bad word. They can throw attitude all over the place, but no cussing. I even correct family members with potty mouths.

 

Am I being too old fashioned, I dont want my dd on those boards, when they are throwing around these words and talking about exes that cheat.

 

Scary,

 

I don't believe in curse words. You can hurt someone much deeper with non-curse words than a simple "curse" word. My kids are not banned from any words and weirdly enough they don't "curse". They are also very respectful around their Mormon friends - they don't understand WHY they label some words "curse" words, but in order to not offend, they not only don't use those words but let us know when we've uttered a word that would offend their friends.

 

Personally, I'm a bit miffed that when I say, "pissed" I'll receive a warning from my son if his friend is around, but I'm a rebel at heart. If you want me to do something tell me NOT to do it. :)

[chaik76]

Hmm...I don't know. I don't really think of crap as a curse word. And there are definite times when a one-word curse says it all...when a more verbose phrase just wouldn't give the same impression. I didn't grow up in a cursing family and didn't curse until I was in college. There are times when cursing is appropriate.

[Peri]

I am curious. What type of response do you typically get when you chastise a girl for swearing?

 

I don't chastise or punish. I just voice my disapointment. They do look at me like I'm unrealistic but they know it comes from a place of love. Out of respect they don't curse around me but ocassionaly I will turn a corner and hear it. I'm not saying it to them with a finger waving. It's more of a "I wish you guys wouldn't use that language" sort of thing.

[Carrie12345]

When they can use it correctly and not just for shock value....that is the definitive age for me.

 

And that is why I simply ignored it when my 5 year old said that she had worked her... um... buttocks off this morning.:rolleyes:

She was quite matter of fact about it. And, well, she *did*.

[nmoira]

 

When they can use it correctly and not just for shock value....that is the definitive age for me.

It depends on the word too. Both my girls are permitted to say arse and ass (as in silly ass). My dad was British and they were a common works in our household when I was growing up (as was one other I've chosen not to introduce). They both understand they're not words we say outside the house/car, and we haven't had any slip ups. DD the elder (6) can spew profanity like a sailor. However, she knows we prefer she doesn't, so she doesn't. I dearly love our neighborhood, but the girls have certainly been frequently exposed to language we *never* use at home -- and we're far from a profanity free family. We talk about the power of words to hurt and demean, and how that is not acceptable for our family. That's the most important thing to me.

[Frankie]

I don't consider crap a curse word at all. To me it just means junk.

 

Most cussing doesn't bother me, if it's used appropriately. Say I drop a glass, the glass shatters, I know the words oh sh*t are going to cross my lips.

 

It bothers me when people have to use it in every single sentence.

 

My son doesn't say any bad words. He's almost 13. He fanatical about it, and that was not taught by me, it's just who he is.

 

I think it's sad when kids cuss, but I'd rather have that than attitudes, defiance, drugs, etc., etc., etc.

[Sammy]

Agree with Nakitty and WendyK. They are just words that need to be used appropriately and within boundaries. Forbidding them only makes them more interesting.