What can I do to help my son (AKA: Yelling isn't working)

[DawnM]

My middle son (15) is perfectly capable.  He is a neurotypical child with no LDs, etc.....

 

He simply is scatterbrained (for lack of a better term.)

 

He started Coop this year.  He has 5 classes there and often doesn't do the work and says he wasn't told to.  Never mind that EVERYONE else in the class heard the instructions and followed them and did the work.

 

The teachers do not always email the parents the work.  The students are expected to listen and write it down or remember it.

 

IF the teachers email the assignment and I ask if he has done it, he looks at me and says, "She didn't tell us that."

 

He has had this issue since he was quite small.  He went to school in 2nd grade and would often say, "The teacher didn't tell us."  Um, yeah, she did buddy.  So this isn't a puberty issue.....he seriously has always been like this.  

 

What exercises could I do, anything to help his get it.  Concentration exercises, what????

[regentrude]

Have you had his auditory processing tested? It may be that he really did not hear.

[justasque]

My middle son (15) is perfectly capable.  He is a neurotypical child with no LDs, etc.....

 

He simply is scatterbrained (for lack of a better term.)

 

He started Coop this year.  He has 5 classes there and often doesn't do the work and says he wasn't told to.  Never mind that EVERYONE else in the class heard the instructions and followed them and did the work.

 

The teachers do not always email the parents the work.  The students are expected to listen and write it down or remember it.

 

IF the teachers email the assignment and I ask if he has done it, he looks at me and says, "She didn't tell us that."

 

He has had this issue since he was quite small.  He went to school in 2nd grade and would often say, "The teacher didn't tell us."  Um, yeah, she did buddy.  So this isn't a puberty issue.....he seriously has always been like this.  

 

What exercises could I do, anything to help his get it.  Concentration exercises, what????

 

Can you meet with your ds and the teacher right after class and verify the homework assignment so you are all on the same page?  

Can you have a longer meeting with each teacher and your ds to have the teacher explain and clarify how the students are to generally get the assignment?  

When he misses an assignment, can you probe a bit more with your ds what he heard, and how he interpreted it?

Does the teacher sometimes write the assignment on the board, and expect the students to recognize what it is and copy it down without the teacher saying anything about it?

Can you make sure you are cc'd on any emails from the teachers, so you can go over them with your ds and show him how to determine what he is to do?

 

This is either a disability or a misunderstanding or both.  Yelling isn't going to help - patience is required.

Working out this kind of "classroom skill" is part of the benefit of co-op learning.  Hopefully you and he can get it straightened out and/or get any disabilities identified so you can work on coping mechanisms, so he can succeed in future classes and possibly college. 

 

(Oh - and "scatterbrained" can very much be a LD.  When it gets to the point that it's impeding the basics of school and daily life, it might be worth exploring a diagnosis, which would help him to qualify for accommodations in college.  Even if he chooses not to use them, it's often useful to know they are accessible if needed.)

[DawnM]

Have you had his auditory processing tested? It may be that he really did not hear.

 

 

Hmmm....you know, I haven't.....

[MarkT]

it's called "selective hearing" it's normally a male affliction :)

highly associated with day-dreaming

 

by the way my 15 year old sent me this:

http://www.advantage4parents.com/article/why-yelling-at-teens-doesnt-help/ 

[DawnM]

Can you meet with your ds and the teacher right after class and verify the homework assignment so you are all on the same page?  

Can you have a longer meeting with each teacher and your ds to have the teacher explain and clarify how the students are to generally get the assignment?  

When he misses an assignment, can you probe a bit more with your ds what he heard, and how he interpreted it?

Does the teacher sometimes write the assignment on the board, and expect the students to recognize what it is and copy it down without the teacher saying anything about it?

Can you make sure you are cc'd on any emails from the teachers, so you can go over them with your ds and show him how to determine what he is to do?

 

This is either a disability or a misunderstanding or both.  Yelling isn't going to help - patience is required.

Working out this kind of "classroom skill" is part of the benefit of co-op learning.  Hopefully you and he can get it straightened out and/or get any disabilities identified so you can work on coping mechanisms, so he can succeed in future classes and possibly college. 

 

(Oh - and "scatterbrained" can very much be a LD.  When it gets to the point that it's impeding the basics of school and daily life, it might be worth exploring a diagnosis, which would help him to qualify for accommodations in college.  Even if he chooses not to use them, it's often useful to know they are accessible if needed.)

 

 

Unfortunately, the 2 teachers I am talking about are very "I used to teach in PS so I know everything and you are just a little homeschool mom, but in the REAL world, this is how it is done and they just need to suck it up."

 

Honestly, these two have driven me nuts all year.

 

I didn't say a word until about half way through the year when I simply let one of them have it (in the nicest way possible) after she told me for about the 5th time that she had taught in PS for a whopping 7 full years.

 

I told her that she needed to stop bringing that up because I had been a teacher AND a school counselor in public education, in a high school setting, for 17 years and had advanced degrees she did not have, so the "you just don't get it because you are a dumb homeschool mom" wasn't cutting it anymore and she needed to stop bringing it up.

 

Now, ANY other teachers would be more than willing to work with me, but these two were two pees in a pod and made me crazy.

 

I will avoid both of them next year.

 

The other 3 classes he had were fine (I was one of the teachers!)  

 

Anyway, you could be right.  I will do some reading up on Auditory Processing and scatterbrained and see what I come up with.  Meanwhile I know where he could get tested but it wouldn't be covered by insurance.....I will see if I can find a place that CAN use insurance if at all possible.

[DawnM]

it's called "selective hearing" it's normally a male affliction :)

highly associated with day-dreaming

 

by the way my 15 year old sent me this:

http://www.advantage4parents.com/article/why-yelling-at-teens-doesnt-help/ 

 

 

Yeah, it is easy to brush off as that, but my other two aren't like this at all, and they are both male.

 

And EVERY OTHER MALE in the class GOT IT, so I really don't want to dismiss this as a male thing that can go from birth to whenever.  He will never get through like this.

 

We have dismissed it up until this year, when it really has started to affect him negatively.

[Deee]

Does he have any mates in the class? Could they compare notes on class requirements after class? My son has dyspraxia which affects his auditory processing and executive function. His best mate has 'can't shut up' disorder. DS is by far the worse off because his mate is more mature and more socially savvy. They both miss stuff but fortunately they usually miss different stuff, so they compare notes in the car on the way home from their weekly drama class. Then they both have a good laugh together about it.

[MarkT]

Anyway, you could be right.  I will do some reading up on Auditory Processing and scatterbrained and see what I come up with.  Meanwhile I know where he could get tested but it wouldn't be covered by insurance.....I will see if I can find a place that CAN use insurance if at all possible.

try this simple test at home first:

 

  have him face a whiteboard  

 

  you will be behind him 10 ft or so  

 

speak in a low decibel  voice and give him something to write on the whiteboard

 

you could repeat this with the TV on to create a background din

 

(I used a similar test with my non-verbal special needs child to show a support coordinator that it had nothing to do with his hearing)

[klmama]

Even if he does have auditory processing problems, he still needs to learn to verify if there is an assignment or not.  He should double check with the teacher at the end of every class to be sure he has the correct information.  Does he have an assignment notebook to keep track of assignments given?  It might help.  You might even require him to write it down and get her signature as verification for a month or so in order to force the process - no getting in the car without an assignment or "no assignment" written down and signed by the teacher.

 

 

 

 

[Laura Corin]

Does he have a homework diary?  Hobbes is scatterbrained, and the only thing that works for us is his filling in his homework diary.  If he comes home and it's blank, he has to call a friend and ask if there was any homework.  He is slowly getting better.

[OneStepAtATime]

I would definitely get him checked for auditory processing issues. If he has been this way since he was small then I seriously doubt he is just willfully not listening. He may very well have APD or extremely low working memory or both.

 

FWIW I have nephews with both issues and my daughter as well. They get blamed for being scatter-brained or unfocused fairly often. DD more so when she was in school. Now that we homeschool and know the issues we can work on those issues while also providing scaffolding as needed. Still, it is extremely embarrassing, frustrating and painful for my nephews who are still in school and my daughter at times since this is not something they can help.

 

DD, for instance, cannot use audio books very effectively. She can't hold onto the words long enough to process what is being said and turn it into something meaningful. If I read to her I can read slowly and pause to make sure she has time to process what I am saying before hitting her with more words.

 

She is bright, she makes great connections, she just has low working memory and an auditory processing glitch. Not obvious in a normal conversation but if someone is giving her multiple instructions and then keeps talking she can't retain the info.

 

ETA: Hugs Mom. I know this can be incredibly frustrating, for both of you.

[RootAnn]

Agreeing that this very well might be APD if you've seen it for this long. Until you can get him tested, there are some great ideas for coping techniques already posted in this thread (checking at the end of class with either the teacher or fellow students, getting assignments in writing). It is possible he's missing other things as well, besides assignments!

 

:grouphug:

 

One of my kids had a very annoying problem & I was very patient for what seemed to me like a long enough time. The morning after I finally vented some of my frustration with still having to deal with something I thought he should have long outgrown, I researched his issue and found that it was actually a medical condition. The guilt - both for acting upset  :crying: but also for not doing my research until then -- which meant he had to deal with the consequences far longer than he should have if I would have just done my mommy job earlier.  :blush:

 

All this to say, keep helping him, try not to yell too much, and get on that audio processing eval ASAP. 

[OneStepAtATime]

If you do get him tested make sure they are running a full battery of tests using an audio booth, not just checking his hearing, and that they are trained to check for things like APD. He probably hears just fine. Its the processing of what he hears that may be glitching up.

[DawnM]

He does have a homework log book, but only those things that were put on the board or on a paper for the students, is written down.  It seems to only be the things that are spoken that aren't written down.

[DawnM]

If you do get him tested make sure they are running a full battery of tests using an audio booth, not just checking his hearing, and that they are trained to check for things like APD. He probably hears just fine. Its the processing of what he hears that may be glitching up.

 

 

How do they test in an audio booth?  

 

I know his hearing is perfect, he just had that tested and could even hear ranges some can't hear.

[OneStepAtATime]

He does have a homework log book, but only those things that were put on the board or on a paper for the students, is written down. It seems to only be the things that are spoken that aren't written down.

DD was the same way when she was still in school. It was sooooo frustrating. Once we finally realized what was happening (like mid-6th grade) I was able to put better scaffolding in place. We were also homeschooling by then.

 

But now we are slowly working our way through her being able to set up independent scaffolding. Like mentioned upthread, she needs to find a buddy that can share notes with her and she needs to be willing to advocate for herself. It helps that she knows what the issues are now. She is less embarrassed about asking and coop teachers and leaders of various organizations are much more willing to work with her instead of just judging her as stupid, lazy, unfocused, or whatever. It has made a big difference but we have a long way to go.

[DawnM]

Coop is over for this year (ended this week) so we will spend the summer working on figuring it out.

[OneStepAtATime]

Unfortunately, the 2 teachers I am talking about are very "I used to teach in PS so I know everything and you are just a little homeschool mom, but in the REAL world, this is how it is done and they just need to suck it up."

 

Honestly, these two have driven me nuts all year.

 

I didn't say a word until about half way through the year when I simply let one of them have it (in the nicest way possible) after she told me for about the 5th time that she had taught in PS for a whopping 7 full years.

 

I told her that she needed to stop bringing that up because I had been a teacher AND a school counselor in public education, in a high school setting, for 17 years and had advanced degrees she did not have, so the "you just don't get it because you are a dumb homeschool mom" wasn't cutting it anymore and she needed to stop bringing it up.

 

Now, ANY other teachers would be more than willing to work with me, but these two were two pees in a pod and drove me nuts all year. 

 

I will avoid both of them next year.

 

The other 3 classes he had were fine (I was one of the teachers!)  

 

Anyway, you could be right.  I will do some reading up on Auditory Processing and scatterbrained and see what I come up with.  Meanwhile I know where he could get tested but it wouldn't be covered by insurance.....I will see if I can find a place that CAN use insurance if at all possible.

Boo to her for the attitude.  Hopefully your "talk" helped her see that you really do have a brain and some significant knowledge to work from?

[OneStepAtATime]

Coop is over for this year (ended this week) so we will spend the summer working on figuring it out.

Good luck, Dawn.  Hopefully, over the summer you can tweak out what may be happening and how to address it.  At least co-op is over for the year.  Hopefully next year will be much smoother.  I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you both.   :grouphug:

[Dicentra]

Don't know if this helps... :)  I have virtually no auditory memory - meaning I DO NOT remember what I hear.  (Except for song lyrics - if it's words put to music, I remember those. :) )  My visual memory (remembering what I see or read) is very good, however.  I taught myself a trick in high school that may (or may not :) ) help your ds.  If I needed to remember something that someone was saying and I didn't have a pen and paper at hand, I'd turn my mind's eye into a blank white space and "see" what was being said as though it were being written or typed on a piece of paper.  Because I'd then have "seen" the information "written" down, I could better remember it - at least until I'd located a pen and paper and could actually write it down.

 

Sorry if I didn't explain that very well. :)  The trick actually got me through the auditory memory portion of the Woodcock-Johnson test I was given in high school.  The tester would read out a series of digits and I had to repeat them but backwards (if she said "8-3-2", I had to repeat back "2-3-8").  The test started with 3 digits sequences and continued on up to 8 digit sequences.  Because I "saw" the digits written on a piece of paper in my head, I just "read" them back to the tester.  Without that trick, I would have been done-for after the first few sets of 3 digits. :D

[DawnM]

Boo to her for the attitude.  Hopefully your "talk" helped her see that you really do have a brain and some significant knowledge to work from?

 

 

The thing that made me the maddest is that I shouldn't have had to bring it up at all.  I never treat the other HS moms that way.  Most of them don't even know my background because I don't make a big deal about it.

 

But in this case, I just got really irritated.

[OneStepAtATime]

The thing that made me the maddest is that I shouldn't have had to bring it up at all.  I never treat the other HS moms that way.  Most of them don't even know my background because I don't make a big deal about it.

 

But in this case, I just got really irritated.

Understandably so....

[AHASRADA]

I agree with all the recommendations to have him tested. I don't have any experience with auditory processing, but my ds has poor working memory and processing speed, as well as ADD-inattentive type. He is perfectly "normal", capable, smart, etc., and it can seem like he is just goofing off, wasting time, procrastinating, or not paying attention. It is not unusual for him to claim I didn't tell him something, or he didn't hear it, because his mind wasn't engaged with what I was saying at that exact moment, or he heard the first part but couldn't hold all the instructions in his memory at once, etc.

 

This is why evaluation can be so important. So many symptoms of different issues overlap, and it is extremely helpful to get to the bottom of what exactly is causing the symptoms. I also agree that in the meantime, he needs to be given tools to work around his issue, such as asking the teacher if there is an assignment before he leaves class, etc.

 

You also might want to look into the book "Smart But Scattered" to see if anything rings a bell and for some helpful strategies until testing is done.

 

Even when you know there is a diagnosed issue, it is frustrating and we can lose our cool. You're doing your best, mom.

[hornblower]

Maybe have a look at the book Smart but Scattered.  There's a teen version.

I ditto the homework/assignment/dayplanner idea. You'll likely need to handhold him while he gets used to it but what he needs (& you might need to print these out to personalize it) is a thing with prompts like this which goes in the daily planner.

What do I need to do today?
What is due by Friday? 
What is due a week from now?
When is the next test?
When is the next big assignment?

I taught my kids to not only use a daily planner but also a week & semester (or term or year - whatever the duration of the class/project is) at a glance. On the semester at a glance sheet, it has to be one page (or printed on a whiteboard etc) and all major assignments exams go on that. It's so you can see right off if there are weeks when things get really hectic (4 midterms & 1 essay!) so they can work on things way ahead of time & plan accordingly.

With the daily questions - he has to fill out the answers daily (or after each class). If he didn't hear the teacher saying anything about it, he'll have to ask the teacher or a fellow student or email the teacher afterwards. In other words, you want to gradually teach him to be proactive about thinking about these questions & finding the answers out. If you remind him of the questions before a lecture/class, then he's more likely to be listening and catch that piece of information.

hth a bit!
 

[DawnM]

Maybe have a look at the book Smart but Scattered.  There's a teen version.

 

I ditto the homework/assignment/dayplanner idea. You'll likely need to handhold him while he gets used to it but what he needs (& you might need to print these out to personalize it) is a thing with prompts like this which goes in the daily planner.

 

What do I need to do today?

What is due by Friday? 

What is due a week from now?

When is the next test?

When is the next big assignment?

 

I taught my kids to not only use a daily planner but also a week & semester (or term or year - whatever the duration of the class/project is) at a glance. On the semester at a glance sheet, it has to be one page (or printed on a whiteboard etc) and all major assignments exams go on that. It's so you can see right off if there are weeks when things get really hectic (4 midterms & 1 essay!) so they can work on things way ahead of time & plan accordingly.

 

With the daily questions - he has to fill out the answers daily (or after each class). If he didn't hear the teacher saying anything about it, he'll have to ask the teacher or a fellow student or email the teacher afterwards. In other words, you want to gradually teach him to be proactive about thinking about these questions & finding the answers out. If you remind him of the questions before a lecture/class, then he's more likely to be listening and catch that piece of information.

 

hth a bit!

 

 

 

Thanks.  He has a planner and if he hears it or see it, it goes in there.  The problem is that he doesn't know he didn't hear it.....it just never existed for him.

 

He is organized and diligent when he hears it.

[Heathermomster]

With constant reminders, DS writes down all homework in his planner. He also contacts classmates and teachers when he is not certain about the homework. He sits near the front of the classroom and carries an Echo LiveScribe pen.

 

Your child requires scaffolding to help organize himself. I would be very reluctant to place my child in a classroom where the teachers were unhelpful. I homeschool to get away from teachers like that.

[DawnM]

With constant reminders, DS writes down all homework in his planner. He also contacts classmates and teachers when he is not certain about the homework. He sits near the front of the classroom and carries an Echo LiveScribe pen.

 

Your child requires scaffolding to help organize himself. I would be very reluctant to place my child in a classroom where the teachers were unhelpful. I homeschool to get away from teachers like that.

 

 

I didn't know she was like this until half way through the year.  It was too late to pull him out of the class.

[teeterbunch]

I have soooo been there.  You might like to read Smart But Scattered for Teens.

 

Ashley

[DawnM]

Thanks guys.  I have ordered the book.

[OneStepAtATime]

Thanks guys.  I have ordered the book.

Good luck, Dawn. I commend you for being proactive on trying to help him.  Hugs, Mom.  And best wishes.

[Arcadia]

The problem is that he doesn't know he didn't hear it.....it just never existed for him.

 

The next time he is in a class, could he find a buddy to compare homework assignments at the end of class before heading home? That way he can copy down any assignments he missed hearing.

 

My 9 year old tends to hear only when he is at direct sight of his teachers. If he didn't sit within direct line of sight, he may not hear what the teacher said. One to one he has no issues. Luckily he is still at the age that I get CCed on homework.

 

ETA:

As in people would comment that he is a good listener. However the same people would realize that when they give instructions to a group of students, he may not catch it.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

FWIW I discovered vision problems in high school this way.  I asked the teacher one too many times what was written on the board, even moving me to the front row didn't help. Fortunately, my teacher cared enough to insist to my parents and myself that I get my vision checked.  Once we knew the problem was physical not laziness she did everything possible to accommodate me during the process.  Definitely get hearing checked and try to describe what is happening as explicitly as possible-they can do amazing things & discover much in a proper hearing test.

 

 

[EndOfOrdinary]

This is my husband. He has CAPD - Central Auditiry Processing Disorder. Now I know to follow up by asking him, "Honey, did you hear me?." More often than not, he didn't or what he heard was not what I said. Rather a bit here or there, not the complete thought, or not the correct order. Lists really trip Dh up. Telling him about dates, events and times, seriously frustrating because he will not internalize that at all.

 

It used to make me want to rip my hair out! It still really bothers me when I am emotionally stressed, since I talk to process. Now I just adapt to it. This makes the situation a lot smoother. It is not as much that he is not dependable, but more that he is just seemingly not ably to process information orally at all.

[DawnM]

He has had his hearing and vision checked recently. 

[DawnM]

This is my husband. He has CAPD - Central Auditiry Processing Disorder. Now I know to follow up by asking him, "Honey, did you hear me?." More often than not, he didn't or what he heard was not what I said. Rather a bit here or there, not the complete thought, or not the correct order. Lists really trip Dh up. Telling him about dates, events and times, seriously frustrating because he will not internalize that at all.

 

It used to make me want to rip my hair out! It still really bothers me when I am emotionally stressed, since I talk to process. Now I just adapt to it. This makes the situation a lot smoother. It is not as much that he is not dependable, but more that he is just seemingly not ably to process information orally at all.

 

 

How did he find this out?  Who did he go to?

[OneStepAtATime]

He has had his hearing and vision checked recently.

Checked with a standard hearing screening or through a specialist trained to diagnose things like APD? If it was a standard screening it may not show any processing issues. His hearing is probably just fine. He may have a processing issue which frequently does not show up witha standard screening, unfortunately.

 

Although your child does not appear to have a vision problem who screened his vision?

 

Just FYI, in case you have anyone in your life that seems to have wonky vision issues or fatigue while reading, headaches,etc, but passes normal eye screenings, have them checked out through a Developmental Optometrist for developmental eye issues or ask your normal eye doctor if they can do developmental eye screenings. There are a lot of eye issues that do not show up in visual acuity screenings.

 

For example, my son has perfect eye sight from a visual accuity standpoint. More than perfect, actually. 20/15+. But he also has heterophoria and not one standard eye doctor caught it. Years of eye fatigue, sonetimes headaches, odd coordination issues. It took a developmental optometrist to find the underlying issue and to offer ways to address it.

[wintermom]

 

The other 3 classes he had were fine (I was one of the teachers!)  

 

 

What was different about the other 3 classes compared to the 2 problematic classes?  

 

I'd really try and uncover the components your ds needs in order to successfully navigate through a class. It will be so helpful for him in future courses and in his working environment. He may have to learn to take initiative and responsibility to ensure he knows what the class/project requirements are, rather than depend on the instructor/boss to supply them in the format he needs.  This could be an excellent learning opportunity for him. I wish I'd had been more intentional about this earlier in my academic life! ;)

[EndOfOrdinary]

How did he find this out?  Who did he go to?

 

He had an IEP when he was in school.  It mainly addressed reading.  Dh did not read until he was almost 11 and even then, he talks about how it was not the reading instruction in school but discovering gun magazines that made him learn.  He could not handle the noise and distraction of a classroom.  He had all these various provisions.  He could not follow directions, deal with lists, remember information which had been given.  When cleaning out his mother's house, I found the old paperwork.  It was very blatant, practically textbook symptoms.  At that time, they did not list anything as CAPD (thirty five years ago in rural Mississippi).  He was told he was on the dyslexia specturm, but was not dyslexic.  As soon as he was able to read, they booted him from his IEP, but the problems continued well up into college (and today).

 

We went to a marriage counselor a few years ago. There were no problems in a one hour sessions, but when we went to a day retreat it was a completely different story.  It wasn't one on one, it was requiring processing information through the whole day, it was remembering events that happened and linking them together, it was a lot of listening to a lot of different people.  The psychologist asked him a few questions after watching Dh at the retreat.  When Dh talked about it, the guy recommended getting it checked out with another specialist for a processing disorder.  Dh had a bit of a negative reaction (he sort of lost it) and so the idea was dropped.  When I brought in the old IEP information, the psychologist told me to look into it because he was pretty sure that was the break down in our communication.  He could not legally take it to his friend (a neuropsych) without Dh's permission, but it seemed pretty apparent and something I might really want to personally research.  When information break down occurred my emotional response to the issue would then send things into a really bad tailspin.  When I learned to control my response and not feel like I had been let down, things got immensely better.  I'm still not 100 percent at it, and it does still bother me sometimes.

 

I could see the same sorts of cycles existing for your son.  He gets a negative reaction when he doesn't think he did anything wrong, emotions get exasperated, flip out ensues, he bottles up, distance is created, negative emotions begin to build.

 

Here are the central issues for Auditory Processing Disorder:

 

• Listening (noticed for a period of time)
• Mishearing/discrimination problems
• Problems following directions
• Problems attending to oral messages
• Distracted by background noises
• Poor organization of verbal material
• Oral and written expression problems
• Remembering what they hear
• Learning to read

 

My husband has 7 of these 9 and has since he was a very small boy.  All of them are present, but two of them are not as strong.

 

One of the reasons you might not have had any red flags with hearing is that CAPD does not affect hearing.  The hearing is fine.  It is the processing of the language which glitches.  They do not know why, but it does.  A neurophysiology can diagnose or send you to someone who can.  That was where we were directed to go and who would generally take care of things for kids now.  Insurance sometimes covers it, but ask at your general pediatrician.

 

Things I have learned to look for.....

In the classes that went well, is the organization already in place?  I mean is there a syllabus which tells him what to do and when?  Is are there strong written guidelines for assignments?  Is there a lot of repetition and a routine to the class?  Does the teacher create a system of order so there are not a lot of choices for the kids or places where everyone is moving at once?

 

[DawnM]

He had an IEP when he was in school.  It mainly addressed reading.  Dh did not read until he was almost 11 and even then, he talks about how it was not the reading instruction in school but discovering gun magazines that made him learn.  He could not handle the noise and distraction of a classroom.  He had all these various provisions.  He could not follow directions, deal with lists, remember information which had been given.  When cleaning out his mother's house, I found the old paperwork.  It was very blatant, practically textbook symptoms.  At that time, they did not list anything as CAPD (thirty five years ago in rural Mississippi).  He was told he was on the dyslexia specturm, but was not dyslexic.  As soon as he was able to read, they booted him from his IEP, but the problems continued well up into college (and today).

 

We went to a marriage counselor a few years ago. There were no problems in a one hour sessions, but when we went to a day retreat it was a completely different story.  It wasn't one on one, it was requiring processing information through the whole day, it was remembering events that happened and linking them together, it was a lot of listening to a lot of different people.  The psychologist asked him a few questions after watching Dh at the retreat.  When Dh talked about it, the guy recommended getting it checked out with another specialist for a processing disorder.  Dh had a bit of a negative reaction (he sort of lost it) and so the idea was dropped.  When I brought in the old IEP information, the psychologist told me to look into it because he was pretty sure that was the break down in our communication.  He could not legally take it to his friend (a neuropsych) without Dh's permission, but it seemed pretty apparent and something I might really want to personally research.  When information break down occurred my emotional response to the issue would then send things into a really bad tailspin.  When I learned to control my response and not feel like I had been let down, things got immensely better.  I'm still not 100 percent at it, and it does still bother me sometimes.

 

I could see the same sorts of cycles existing for your son.  He gets a negative reaction when he doesn't think he did anything wrong, emotions get exasperated, flip out ensues, he bottles up, distance is created, negative emotions begin to build.

 

Here are the central issues for Auditory Processing Disorder:

 

• Listening (noticed for a period of time)
• Mishearing/discrimination problems
• Problems following directions
• Problems attending to oral messages
• Distracted by background noises
• Poor organization of verbal material
• Oral and written expression problems
• Remembering what they hear
• Learning to read

 

My husband has 7 of these 9 and has since he was a very small boy.  All of them are present, but two of them are not as strong.

 

One of the reasons you might not have had any red flags with hearing is that CAPD does not affect hearing.  The hearing is fine.  It is the processing of the language which glitches.  They do not know why, but it does.  A neurophysiology can diagnose or send you to someone who can.  That was where we were directed to go and who would generally take care of things for kids now.  Insurance sometimes covers it, but ask at your general pediatrician.

 

Things I have learned to look for.....

In the classes that went well, is the organization already in place?  I mean is there a syllabus which tells him what to do and when?  Is are there strong written guidelines for assignments?  Is there a lot of repetition and a routine to the class?  Does the teacher create a system of order so there are not a lot of choices for the kids or places where everyone is moving at once?

 

 

 

Thank you for all that info.  The classes that went well had ME in them!  I assisted for the two hours of science, so I was there to hear it all.  And then I taught History.

 

He did read at a young age and reads well.

[Starr]

Read up on executive function. Organizing, planning, getting verbal directions straight, are life skills and co op is a good place for him to learn. We didn't have a co op and ds only took one class at a time online or at the college so we are still working on this his freshman year. The more you can implement now the easier it will be later. And yes some testing would help you see where the problems are.