Ask an extended nurser...(extended breastfeeding)

[ktgrok]

I've nursed two children that have now weaned, both just shy of their 4th birthdays, and am currently nursing my 19 month old. I tandem nursed the last two for about a year, so can answer about that too. I know many people have nursed longer than that, but I'm still guessing I'm beyond average. I know it can seem creepy if you aren't familiar with it, so I'm happy to answer questions. 

[Ravin]

I can answer questions on this one, too. DD weaned a month past her fifth birthday and DS is still nursing--though won't be for much longer, I'm actively trying to wean him, but gradually.

[happypamama]

Great thread topic! Another extended nurser here. . . I'm sad because my fourth child is 33 months and stopped nursing 6 or 7 months ago, although he mostly stopped a year ago. He's my first not to get to 3 years. My supply plummets when I'm pregnant, and nursing dry is very uncomfortable for me, not able to do it for more than a couple of minutes, so baby #4 mostly quit while I was pregnant with #5. We did tandem for a few weeks, but then the toddler quit. He is okay with it, me not so much. I hated not having that in my arsenal for the 2yo period. I also find it amusing that my perspective is so skewed that I find getting to "only" 2 is disappointing to me. But at least he adores his baby brother and is not at all jealous of him.

[icollectkids]

The longest I've gone is about 21 months.

 

I've done tandem (for a very short time, though...like 3 weeks..) and I've nursed a cleft lip baby. :)

[Guest submarines]

I nursed the first 2 to 5yo. I encouraged my oldest to wean just before my youngest was born. My middle child self-weaned on his 5th birthday, and my youngest self weaned at 4.

 

Even as I type this, it seems almost creepy, but as I was nursing them it felt natural and "right" for my children. I was fortunate to leave in a place where this was almost the norm. I didn't feel I even needed support--I was surround by moms who nursed for years, and it didn't seem odd or unusual.

[rmtzc2009]

I have an Aunt who nursed her son until he was 8 (almost 9) at which time her ds decided he was done nursing. (This was many years ago). Do you have a cut off age that you would wean a child based on age alone? If no, at what age do you stop a child from nursing publicly, or don't you? Is or does your dc at older ages (4-5) mention nursing to peers and other folks or as the dc gets older does it become more private and not discussed? How often does a 4-5 year old nurse? Does an older/ larger child lay across your lap still to nurse?

 

Thanks for taking time to answe questions ladies! My 3 all self weaned at or before 1years old. Earlier than I would have liked however I was never in a position to think about how I felt re: extended nursing.

[VeganCupcake]

Did you have a child who self-weaned earlier than others, and did you feel kind of sad about that?

 

Anyone nursed twins for more than two years?

 

I nursed my eldest until she was 4.5, tandeming with my DS until he was 2. He weaned a couple of months after he turned 2 (when I was pregnant with the twins), and I was kind of sad because I had expected him to nurse at least as long as DD had. Now I have twins that I'm nursing and I'm wondering how long I might manage to nurse them. They're 11 weeks now.

[OneStepAtATime]

Where I live there is no support for nursing.  My SILs were both working part time and raising infants.  Their employers were awful to them about even needing to run into the restroom to pump.  And when one SIL was also attending college classes to change her degree, the teacher made fun of her for even having a third child.  Also ridiculed her in front of others for trying to breast feed and go to school and raise two other kids.  She was basically told she was stupid for putting it as a priority and should just switch to formula.  No real support from the family, either, although the spouses didn't seem to be against it, just apathetic about it.

 

I know I got no support for breast feeding my two children.  But niether of my parents were breast fed and my DH wasn't either.  With one child, there were health issues that in hindsight could probably have been dealt with through a change in diet on my part plus understanding that my child was having issues that had nothing to do with breast feeding.  My pediatrician pressured me to switch to formula after trying for three painful and difficult months to breast feed my first and not knowing any better and having no support to do anything else, I switched to formula.  With my second it was so much easier and I really enjoyed the time.  I intended to breast feed for at least the first year, but had so much pressure from others to quit (including DH and other family members) that at 6 months I caved and switched to formula.  I regret both situations and wish I could go back.  

 

I must admit, though, breastfeeding past a couple of years seems really strange to me.  Thank you for offering to share, everyone.  I do have questions.  

 

1.  Was your spouse in strong support from the beginning?  If not, did he change his mind or do you just deal with his lack of support?

2.  Did you know you were planning on breastfeeding for an extended period of time before you had kids?  Before you got married?  Did you discuss it with your spouse ahead of time?

3.  Were you breastfed?  If so, do you know for how long?  Were you old enough to remember the experience?

4.  When you go out with your children that are still breast feeding but are no longer infants, what is the protocol?  Do you breastfeed your older children in public areas?  Has this ever been an issue?  Do you have businesses that support breast feeding?  (Where we used to live there WERE places that had signs that indicated breastfeeding was supported and not to complain to management if someone was breastfeeding their child, but here there is no such support).

 

I get the feeling that different areas of the country definitely react differently to this.  I think if I had had even a little support I would have continued breastfeeding both children long past when we stopped.  I don't know if I would have continued past a year and half to 2.  I wonder, though.

[AimeeM]

I breastfed middle child until age 3, and I'm currently nursing my 22 month old.

 

Regarding the "out in public" questions - after about 18 months, there was never a time when my child NEEDED to nurse in public; by that age they were eating and drinking other things as well, so spending a few hours out was never a big deal. If there had been a time when they NEEDED to nurse (emergency or something), I would have tried very hard to find some place out of the public eye to do so.

I'll be honest, though... it was much more difficult to discreetly nurse a 10 month old gymnast than a 2 year old sleepy babe, lol.

[Butter]

 

1.  Was your spouse in strong support from the beginning?  If not, did he change his mind or do you just deal with his lack of support?

2.  Did you know you were planning on breastfeeding for an extended period of time before you had kids?  Before you got married?  Did you discuss it with your spouse ahead of time?

3.  Were you breastfed?  If so, do you know for how long?  Were you old enough to remember the experience?

4.  When you go out with your children that are still breast feeding but are no longer infants, what is the protocol?  Do you breastfeed your older children in public areas?  Has this ever been an issue?  Do you have businesses that support breast feeding?  (Where we used to live there WERE places that had signs that indicated breastfeeding was supported and not to complain to management if someone was breastfeeding their child, but here there is no such support).

 

 

I nursed Ani until 3y5m, Cameron until 3y4m, Fritz until 3y6m.  Adrian is hard to say.  He nursed until 3y8m regularly and then very, very occasionally after that.  The last time he tried nursing he was right at 5.  He claim to still be nursing.  He is not.  He is very much weaned (it's been 10 months since he last nursed).  I tandem nursed Ani and Cameron for 21 months.  I tandem nursed Fritz and Adrian for 19 months.  All of the kids self-weaned.

 

1. Yes.  He's always gone along with my weirdities.

2. Sort of.  I always knew I would nurse and I knew I didn't have an end date in mind.  We discussed it when I was pregnant, but I never had a goal of extended nursing, but self-weaning just made sense.

3. Yes. 19 months.  I self-weaned.  My mom was sad I was that young, but I had older siblings much more interesting than my mom.

4. Rarely does a bigger kid need to nurse in public.  They can wait (getting injured or having something traumatic happen excluded).  I don't think I ever nursed a kid over 2 1/2 in public.  Generally they didn't nurse in public after 22-24 months.  Never been an issue.  I never had a single negative word said to me (that I noticed at least).  Never had a business have an issue.  Once I was at one of the museums in DC and they had this HUGE bathroom near the front with a gigantic room with couches and everything inside the bathroom, but outside the stall area.  I was in that room sitting and nursing one of the little boys, I forget which but it was probably Fritz, and he was probably somewhere around 14 or 15 months.  My mom had the rest of my kids in the bathroom proper helping them use the restroom so that was a good place to stop and nurse the baby.  A female security guard came in (they make rounds) and she came over to me and told me I didn't have to sit in the bathroom to nurse and to please feel free to nurse anywhere in the museum.  I assured her I was fine and the rest of my kids were using the restroom.  She reminded me again to feel free to nurse anywhere else next time before she moved on.  I've often wondered if she was a nursing mom.  I've nursed many times at various museums in DC over the years of having little nurslings.  One time, at a different museum, I was nursing one of the kids sitting on a bench near once of the entrances, and one of the male security guards approached me and said it is always so nice to see moms nursing and he was glad I felt comfortable to do so.  I've often wondered if his wife was a nursing mom (or else the Smithsonian has *fabulous* training for their security guards!).

[AK_Mom4]

Did you have to deal with jealousy from the older kid when tandem nursing - not wanting to share with the new baby?

 

Have you had problems with a biter?

[HS Mom in NC]

I weaned my oldest when she turned 5 years old.

My middle daughter weaned herself at 4.5 years old.

They are 22 months apart so I tandem nursed for years.

I relactated for my adopted child but she was too traumatized to learn to nurse when we got her at 7 months old.

I was fortunate to have a LLL support group that divided in two: one was was for pregnant moms and moms nursing kids 0-12 months and the other was for moms nursing kids over the age of 12 mos. They were very large groups so I knew dozens of moms extended nursing.  My midwife was nursing her 3 year old while I was seeing her when I was pregnant with my oldest. She required all her clients attend 4 LLL meetings before their 8th month of pregnancy so they had an idea of how to handle things and who to call if they needed more help.

 

My mother was a LLL mom who nursed my bio brother and I briefly (due to separation and divorce-we're 11 months apart) but she donated milk to an adoptive mom while she nursed me.

My maternal grandmother lost her first baby (1943 in Nebraska) at 3 days old but pumped for a baby for a few days whose mother didn't make it.

 

My kids were given nothing by breastmilk until their 1st birthdays.  Then we introduce water and solids. They were perfectly healthy, plump children.

My husband wasn't nursed but he's Mr. Science and the science is on the side of nursing moms, so he was on board with it.  He's very pro AP from a science angle too.

 

I nursed in pubic until they were squirmy toddlers.  Then, since we weren't out for long periods of time, I nursed them at home.  I was even on the news as a human interest story promoting extended nursing.

One thing that usually surprises nursing moms is that children will go back to a newborn nursing pattern overnight somewhere between the ages of 18months to 2 and a half years. Then it eases up again to a few times a day for short sessions as they get older.

Preschoolers usually nurse before sleep or after an injury (nursing fixes everything, after all.) It's good to let extended nursing moms know that they're under no obligation to nurse on demand with older nurslings.  You can still nurse them with limits.  You can cut nursing sessions out of your routine.  I would tell my toddlers sometimes, "You can nurse for 1 ABC song and then we're going to ___________________." when I really didn't want to nurse for a long session at that particular time. Then they would be off doing something else and ready to nurse later again that day.

 

Tandem nursing was a non-issue for my oldest.  In her experience, that's what you do with babies.  For the first few nursings I let them nurse together.  Then I told my oldest (then 22 months) that her baby sister couldn't eat solid food like she could, so the baby nurses first, then big sister does.  It was no problem.

Biting is a routine problem most nursing mothers face.  As soon as the kid started to bite, I stuck my thumb into her mouth and popped her off.

I have to take my youngest to a Korean Festival.  Back later to answer any more questions anyone has.

 

 

[Butter]

Did you have to deal with jealousy from the older kid when tandem nursing - not wanting to share with the new baby?

 

Have you had problems with a biter?

 

Not really.  They had assigned breasts from the start.  I think in many ways tandem nursing helped prevent jealousy because by tandem, I mean literally at the same time (which is excruciatingly annoying, by the way).

 

Yes, but I learned from my SIL's experience with my oldest niece.  She would put the baby down when she'd bite.  My niece quickly learned that if she wanted to get down, bite, and she'd be put down.  She changed to just pulling her off and turning her to face outward on mommy's lap.  Broke the habit of biting.  So I copied that when a couple of mine bit and it put a stop to it.  Plus, if you pay attention, sometimes you can see when they are about to bite and stop them before they do.

[Matryoshka]

Anyone nursed twins for more than two years?

Well, not that long but to 16 and 18 months. At that point they were weren't nursing during the day, but then wanted an all night nursing bar, so I encouraged weaning at that point.

 

I nursed my singleton till just before her 2nd birthday.

[Ravin]

 Do you have a cut off age that you would wean a child based on age alone? If no, at what age do you stop a child from nursing publicly, or don't you? Is or does your dc at older ages (4-5) mention nursing to peers and other folks or as the dc gets older does it become more private and not discussed? How often does a 4-5 year old nurse? Does an older/ larger child lay across your lap still to nurse?

 

Thanks for taking time to answe questions ladies! My 3 all self weaned at or before 1years old. Earlier than I would have liked however I was never in a position to think about how I felt re: extended nursing.

 

I don't think I would cut off based on age alone. I steered DS to not nurse in public after age 2, but that had more to do with my comfort zone with other things, not with nursing itself. DD nursed in public until around 4 or so, by which time she mostly just nursed at bedtime and first thing in the morning. I don't think it's appropriate for it to be "more private and not discussed" as a child gets older. There's nothing wrong with it. I'm not a big fan of "family secrets" anyway. 

 

As far as nursing positions, side-lying is most common for us, or child standing while I"m sitting for a quick nurse. Sometimes across the lap is the way to go, but at this point most nursing is either to sleep or just a quick reconnect. Sometimes a cuddle is called for, in which case I'll offer to just cuddle and we might nurse a minute too if DS asks.

 

1.  Was your spouse in strong support from the beginning?  If not, did he change his mind or do you just deal with his lack of support?

2.  Did you know you were planning on breastfeeding for an extended period of time before you had kids?  Before you got married?  Did you discuss it with your spouse ahead of time?

3.  Were you breastfed?  If so, do you know for how long?  Were you old enough to remember the experience?

4.  When you go out with your children that are still breast feeding but are no longer infants, what is the protocol?  Do you breastfeed your older children in public areas?  Has this ever been an issue?  Do you have businesses that support breast feeding?  (Where we used to live there WERE places that had signs that indicated breastfeeding was supported and not to complain to management if someone was breastfeeding their child, but here there is no such support).

 

I get the feeling that different areas of the country definitely react differently to this.  I think if I had had even a little support I would have continued breastfeeding both children long past when we stopped.  I don't know if I would have continued past a year and half to 2.  I wonder, though.

 

1. DH was supportive in a "your body, your decision, you're going to do what you're going to do so I'm not going to get in your way" sort of way. He would have had no criticism had I chosen formula.

 

2. Yes, I planned on breastfeeding long before I had kids. A friend when I was single was a role model of that for me, she extended nursed her kids. I did not discuss it with DH, really, just presented it as what would happen.

 

3. Yes, I was breastfed, for about 9 months. It might have been longer except my dad was a big jerk about it. He was a big jerk about it when I nursed DD, too. First time I nursed her in front of him (she was about 3 months old), he got up and left the room to go smoke (where he knew I wouldn't follow). You'd think I'd done a strip-tease in front of him from his reaction, even though I was wearing a nursing shirt and a sling and had the hang of it so I wasn't showing anything he wouldn't have seen when I wore a swimsuit (actually a whole lot less). I don't remember it, and my sisters weren't nursed, partly because with dad being an unsupportive jerk about it, the challenge of twins would have been that much harder, and partly because mom had an emergency c-section under general anesthesia and didn't actually lay eyes on them until they were 4 days old.

 

4. We have a state law here (passed when DD was little, sparked by an incident where a woman was chucked out of a public pool for nursing her infant in the pool area) that protects the right to breastfeed wherever mother and child have a right to be. The most common NIP scenario for me with DS was on the bus home after he'd been in daycare all day while I was at school. I'd hike up my shirt and nurse on the bus. Only comments I ever got were appreciative--a nursing baby is a quiet baby! I did stop nursing him in public after age 2, once he was old enough to accept waiting until we got home without a big fuss (so as much his personality as his age went into that).

 

I've never been given a hard time by a place of business, including restaurants. I was once with a friend who was nursing her very young infant in a restaurant in Florida that asked her to leave. They decided not to make a scene and she went and finished in the car. I would have made a scene if it had been me. I've nursed in public in various places in conservative West Texas; usually people didn't realize I was doing it because I'd be walking around with DD in the sling or baby carrier while nursing, and nothing was visible. A few people who peered into my sling to see the "sleeping" baby got an eyeful and were apologetic; no one complained.

 

As far as pumping, I worked for Walmart while DS was little, and they gave me reasonable accomodations. Company policy said I had to be provided a space with no cameras and a locking door that wasn't the restroom; I nursed in a fan room in the back of the store. I had a chair and an outlet, and would clean the pump parts after in the break room. I was required to clock out for time it took beyond my usual allowed breaks.

 

The law school had a little room accessed from within the women's restroom in the basement. It was kind of spartan when I started there (but still nicer than the fan room at walmart), and has since been updated with a comfy chair and stuff--I think the school got a grant.  

[JustEm]

You know I Always thought I'd allow my children to nurse for the first few years but like clock work all 3 of them self weaned at 1 year old. They are all very independent kids and never needed to nurse for comfort and they simply enjoy food so much they lost interest in nursing once they were eating regularly.

[ktgrok]

I have an Aunt who nursed her son until he was 8 (almost 9) at which time her ds decided he was done nursing. (This was many years ago). Do you have a cut off age that you would wean a child based on age alone? If no, at what age do you stop a child from nursing publicly, or don't you? Is or does your dc at older ages (4-5) mention nursing to peers and other folks or as the dc gets older does it become more private and not discussed? How often does a 4-5 year old nurse? Does an older/ larger child lay across your lap still to nurse?

 

Thanks for taking time to answe questions ladies! My 3 all self weaned at or before 1years old. Earlier than I would have liked however I was never in a position to think about how I felt re: extended nursing.

 

No set age, but at some point I get the creepy crawlies and start to just feel done/annoyed. So I start limiting how long they nurse and avoiding situations that trigger nursing. I generally don't nurse in public after age 2, probably. I've never heard my kids talk about it with other kids...it just doesn't come up. Plus they called it "mee mees" so I doubt another kid would know what they were talking about. 

 

Yes, they still lay in your lap, at least mine do. 

 

I am always amazed that kids that self wean before a year...mine weren't that proficient at a cup at that age, so I can't imagine it, unless they are using bottles still? 

[JustEm]

No set age, but at some point I get the creepy crawlies and start to just feel done/annoyed. So I start limiting how long they nurse and avoiding situations that trigger nursing. I generally don't nurse in public after age 2, probably. I've never heard my kids talk about it with other kids...it just doesn't come up. Plus they called it "mee mees" so I doubt another kid would know what they were talking about. 

 

Yes, they still lay in your lap, at least mine do. 

 

I am always amazed that kids that self wean before a year...mine weren't that proficient at a cup at that age, so I can't imagine it, unless they are using bottles still? 

All 3 of mine self weaned around a year and never used a bottle.  Somehow they learned quickly how to use a sippy cup because they simply did not want to nurse anymore and needed to drink something

[ktgrok]

 

I must admit, though, breastfeeding past a couple of years seems really strange to me.  Thank you for offering to share, everyone.  I do have questions.  

 

1.  Was your spouse in strong support from the beginning?  If not, did he change his mind or do you just deal with his lack of support?

I was married to my ex when nursing my oldest, and neither he nor my current husband have ever given me any grief over it. Honestly, knowing that I had an easy way to calm tears/upsets/etc just took some of the pressure off them in regards to childrearing. They were both just grateful I was handling it. 

2.  Did you know you were planning on breastfeeding for an extended period of time before you had kids?  Before you got married?  Did you discuss it with your spouse ahead of time?

With my first, no. I thought I would breastfeed for 6 months at least, maybe a year. But when we got to a year he seemed so small still, and obviously seemed to still need it. So we kept going. Until he was just nursing to sleep and that was it. And then he fell asleep on the couch without nursing on night, and that was it. 

3.  Were you breastfed?  If so, do you know for how long?  Were you old enough to remember the experience?

Yes, for about 9 months according to my mother. (who thinks extended nursing is crazy, and I should give my kids bottles of formula so she can feed them)

4.  When you go out with your children that are still breast feeding but are no longer infants, what is the protocol?  Do you breastfeed your older children in public areas?  Has this ever been an issue?  Do you have businesses that support breast feeding?  (Where we used to live there WERE places that had signs that indicated breastfeeding was supported and not to complain to management if someone was breastfeeding their child, but here there is no such support).

 

I get the feeling that different areas of the country definitely react differently to this.  I think if I had had even a little support I would have continued breastfeeding both children long past when we stopped.  I don't know if I would have continued past a year and half to 2.  I wonder, though.

Up to about 2 years I still nurse in public, but less often after a year than before. It depends on the situation. I still sometimes nurse the 18 month old in public, but not very often, he just doesn't need to nurse that often. Heck, I actually am not sure when I last did it, really. Probably in Ikea a few months ago. I know I nursed the oldest at Disney on his 2nd birthday. Theme parks may be the only place I have often nursed an older one, as we are usually there all day. I've never been harrassed or anything. No one seems to care. Plus, the law is on my side. 

 

Having support does help. I had LLL with my first, and now I have a whole group of friends that nurse into toddlerhood. The least supportive people have been my mother and sister. 

[ktgrok]

Did you have to deal with jealousy from the older kid when tandem nursing - not wanting to share with the new baby?

 

Have you had problems with a biter?

 

No, luckily, none of them have been biters, beyond maybe once, when I screamed and set them down right away. 

 

No jealousy issues at all, Molly was 2 1/2 and thought it was really cool to share. 

[ktgrok]

 

One thing that usually surprises nursing moms is that children will go back to a newborn nursing pattern overnight somewhere between the ages of 18months to 2 and a half years. Then it eases up again to a few times a day for short sessions as they get older.

 

 

 

LOL, this is my third and I'd forgotten that too! We hit that phase in the past week. It is driving me a bit crazy, but I know it is phase.

[Ravin]

 

 

Have you had problems with a biter?

 

Both mine tried to bite a few times. I did the "take them off for a time out" method, and DS learned quicker than DD, IIRC.

[BlsdMama]

Did you have to deal with jealousy from the older kid when tandem nursing - not wanting to share with the new baby?

 

Have you had problems with a biter?

My experience has been tandeming actually cuts down on jealousy. Ella (4.5) was my longest nurse about 3.5. She was a super attached little girl and I have no doubt if we had weaned her, even months before baby was born, she'd still remember and be jealous. As it was she would stroke baby Olivia's face and hair while nursing. She preferred to nurse at the same time as Liv rather than have me to herself and it was just sweet, sweet, sweet.

 

It was too much for me though. I was full time nursing Liv and occasionally nursing Ella, when I got pregnant with Cate. I really needed my body to recoup (and a break from night bursting two little girls) so I wanted both weaned partway into the pregnancy.

 

I'm about six and half months pregnant right now and Cate (13 months) is nursing. I'm looking forward to having an efficient nurse to help with engorgement with a newborn. :D

 

Yes, we've had one MAJOR biter. :( She broke skin once and I ended up with a bad bout of mastitis and because of it needed antibiotics. She was baby number four so we survived, lol. She nursed until she was two and the bite incident was around one.

[Erin]

1.  Was your spouse in strong support from the beginning?  If not, did he change his mind or do you just deal with his lack of support?

Trap was strongly supportive in the beginning.  We never intended to extended nurse, but a year went by, then two, then three... lol

2.  Did you know you were planning on breastfeeding for an extended period of time before you had kids?  Before you got married?  Did you discuss it with your spouse ahead of time?

Nope.  I knew I was going to nurse for at least a year if I could.  

But then I had a LOT of trouble at the beginning, so I learned a great deal while trying to get over issues about nursing in general, as well as longer-term. 

3.  Were you breastfed?  If so, do you know for how long?  Were you old enough to remember the experience?

Yep.  I was nursed til a year.  (1975, my mom was a bit of  a rebel)

4.  When you go out with your children that are still breast feeding but are no longer infants, what is the protocol?  Do you breastfeed your older children in public areas?  Has this ever been an issue?  Do you have businesses that support breast feeding?  (Where we used to live there WERE places that had signs that indicated breastfeeding was supported and not to complain to management if someone was breastfeeding their child, but here there is no such support).

Both of my kids pretty much quit "nursing in public" at 18 months or so.  By the time they were 2 or thereabouts, they were mostly nursing at bed time, when they first woke up, when they were feeling sick, that sort of thing.  And, by that time, we developed a code word "nigh-nighs," which worked really well for a kid that was rubbing their eyes, dragging their blanky and ready for bed.   ;)

 

Jealousy wasn't an issue for us either, because we also tandem nursed.  Buck and Bean are 19 months apart.  He nursed to a little over 4, she til a few months past 3.  

Buck says he can still remember it, coming up to our room first thing in the mornings, but Bean remembers nothing.  I always figure this is kind of like potty training; most kids don't remember because it wasn't particularly significant.  It was just a part of a typical day. 

[happypamama]

 

I know I got no support for breast feeding my two children.

 

 

I'm sorry. That's really so unfair.

 

1. Was your spouse in strong support from the beginning? If not, did he change his mind or do you just deal with his lack of support?

 

 

DH has always been supportive. I can't say as I really gave him a choice, tbh, but he never even considered that I wouldn't give breastfeeding a chance. Extended nursing really hasn't been an issue for him, but I don't know that he really has a strong feeling either way past about age two, just kind of whatever is working for me and the nursling.

 

2. Did you know you were planning on breastfeeding for an extended period of time before you had kids? Before you got married? Did you discuss it with your spouse ahead of time?

 

We always planned on at least one year, hoping for two years, and we just figured we'd see about it after that.

 

3. Were you breastfed? If so, do you know for how long? Were you old enough to remember the experience?

 

Yes, for over a year, although I don't remember it. Mom (and MIL, who also nursed her babies) is very supportive.

 

4. When you go out with your children that are still breast feeding but are no longer infants, what is the protocol? Do you breastfeed your older children in public areas? Has this ever been an issue? Do you have businesses that support breast feeding? (Where we used to live there WERE places that had signs that indicated breastfeeding was supported and not to complain to management if someone was breastfeeding their child, but here there is no such support).

 

We don't really have specific support for public nursing, although nobody has ever complained at me. Twoish is my general limit for nursing in public, although it depends on the circumstances. It really hasn't been an issue, though, because with three of my four two-year-olds, I've been pregnant or nursing a newborn shortly after their second birthdays, so I've needed them to be a bit more independent in public anyway. (I didn't get pregnant with my third until right before my second turned three, and he was still nursing then, but he was a super cuddly, velcro child anyway, so he was always glued to me in public anyway.)

I get the feeling that different areas of the country definitely react differently to this. I think if I had had even a little support I would have continued breastfeeding both children long past when we stopped. I don't know if I would have continued past a year and half to 2. I wonder, though.

Support makes such a huge difference! I had a ton of support -- DH, parents, ILs, midwives, lactation consultant readily available, pediatrician who had breastfed her own twins, online mom groups, friends who contacted us a couple of days after our daughter arrived to ask how nursing was going, etc. And I absolutely got lucky in that nursing was relatively easy for me, no major issues, especially for my first, and she was a great sleeper. Having it be pretty easy matters a ton. I really wish it could be that was for all women.

[mommymilkies]

My youngest is weaning now at 3 years 6 months, and my 3rd and 4th kiddos nursed until 2.5, so I can probably answer, too.

[mommymilkies]

1.  Was your spouse in strong support from the beginning?  If not, did he change his mind or do you just deal with his lack of support?

 

No.  He was ok with it because I told him I was and it wasn't his business. His family is VERY anti-breastfeeding. He's grown to be very supportive. 

 

2.  Did you know you were planning on breastfeeding for an extended period of time before you had kids?  Before you got married?  Did you discuss it with your spouse ahead of time?

 

No.  Everyone in my family breastfed, so it was normal to me.  I never really thought out "I will bf xyz long."  My first two weaned at 8 and 2 months respectively, for medical reasons, so I said "At least 6 months, if I can." with #3-5.  And they weaned at 2.5, 2.5, and 3.5. 

 

3.  Were you breastfed?  If so, do you know for how long?  Were you old enough to remember the experience?

 

Yes.  6 months or so because I was a nipple confusion baby when my Mom went back to work.  She still gets upset talking about it. 

 

4.  When you go out with your children that are still breast feeding but are no longer infants, what is the protocol?  Do you breastfeed your older children in public areas?  Has this ever been an issue?  Do you have businesses that support breast feeding?  (Where we used to live there WERE places that had signs that indicated breastfeeding was supported and not to complain to management if someone was breastfeeding their child, but here there is no such support).

 

After about 2-2.5, I limit public bf just because they pop on and off and it gets annoying.  So I teach them to wait.  I WILL bf in public, but I usually make them wait until I can get somewhere comfy or put them in the carrier and pop a boob out.  Never been an issue.  Support bf?  One childrens' museum kinda local does, otherwise no. There is legal support, so I know the law and have always been prepared to tell someone what's up if they tried to yell at me. 

[Matryoshka]

1.  Was your spouse in strong support from the beginning?  If not, did he change his mind or do you just deal with his lack of support?

2.  Did you know you were planning on breastfeeding for an extended period of time before you had kids?  Before you got married?  Did you discuss it with your spouse ahead of time?

3.  Were you breastfed?  If so, do you know for how long?  Were you old enough to remember the experience?

4.  When you go out with your children that are still breast feeding but are no longer infants, what is the protocol?  Do you breastfeed your older children in public areas?  Has this ever been an issue?  Do you have businesses that support breast feeding?  (Where we used to live there WERE places that had signs that indicated breastfeeding was supported and not to complain to management if someone was breastfeeding their child, but here there is no such support).

 

I get the feeling that different areas of the country definitely react differently to this.  I think if I had had even a little support I would have continued breastfeeding both children long past when we stopped.  I don't know if I would have continued past a year and half to 2.  I wonder, though.

 

1. Yes, he was completely fine with it (and I had twins first). Dh was not bf, but that never stopped him from being completely supportive.

 

2. I always planned to breastfeed.  There has never been a baby not breastfed in my maternal line, so it just seemed perfectly normal and what you do.  I did not plan to exclusively breastfeed, which turns out was a good thing because with the twins it took me 3 months to get them completely breastfed (but after that they never had formula again).  Younger dd was exclusively bf and never had a bottle even of pumped milk (with the twins after I got them off formula I still pumped once a day and gave them each a bottle of expressed milk at bedtime.  Made it easier to put them down - dh helped). 

 

3. Yes.  I'm not sure how long, though.  I would not think into toddlerhood.

 

4. Once they got to almost a year and started lifting my shirt while bfing, the public bfing went way down.  After a year, it was pretty much at night or occasionally at home during the day.

 

I did have great support.  My mom bf'd her kids; she was bf herself.  I did have a lot of trouble getting the twins started; they were preemies, they were hospitalized for a bit.  I finally called LLL and they were a lifesaver.  After a short while our group got so many twins they split of a twins LLL group.  A lot of those LLL people ended up being homeschooling friends later.  If I felt any peer pressure it would have been to let them self-wean.  I was pretty done myself after 2 yrs (a bit earlier for the twins, but with two of them I felt done a little sooner...).  Late by normal standards, but early by LLL standards, lol.

[Gil]

Why would you nurse a child past 2ish? Especially one who is fully capable of feeding themselves from a plate and least of all dependent on you for nourishment?

Aren't there other ways to be close to or feel connected with your child?

 

Both of my boys were bottle fed from necessity but I admit that I was eager to get them on table food ASAP.

[Erin]

If you've had a sick toddler/preschooler, there's nothing better than mamas milk. No worries about dehydration.

Also, so far as "sick" goes, a child's immune system isn't developed until around 5, IIRC. Dose them up as long as possible :)

(And thats ignoring the ease of bedtime routines, the cure-all for meltdowns, boo-boos, and growing pains)

[73349]

Why would you nurse a child past 2ish? Especially one who is fully capable of feeding themselves from a plate and least of all dependent on you for nourishment?

 

Dude self-weaned at 20 months, but after ~15 months he was nursing to help him fall asleep, not for nourishment really. He is a born non-sleeper, and I would've let him keep nursing at least a few more months to make naptime happen.

Little kids are dependent on the parent for nourishment anyway--opening a nursing tank is no harder than opening a box of crackers or a jar of applesauce.

 

That said, I gave up on BF in public around 8 months and pumped a bottle before we went anywhere, because he was too distractible to nurse away from home. After he turned 1, I brought baby food instead. Pumping was more of a hassle than nursing because I needed somewhere to put the baby for 15-20 minutes while doing it.

[HS Mom in NC]

Why would you nurse a child past 2ish?

 

Why not?  What's so magical about age 2?

 

Especially one who is fully capable of feeding themselves from a plate and least of all dependent on you for nourishment?

 

Nursing isn't just about nourishment.

 

Aren't there other ways to be close to or feel connected with your child?

 

Yes.  We did those too.  Just because there are other ways to do it doesn't mean you have to abandon one of those ways if you don't want to.

 

Both of my boys were bottle fed from necessity but I admit that I was eager to get them on table food ASAP.

 

[ktgrok]

Why would you nurse a child past 2ish? Especially one who is fully capable of feeding themselves from a plate and least of all dependent on you for nourishment?

Aren't there other ways to be close to or feel connected with your child?

 

Both of my boys were bottle fed from necessity but I admit that I was eager to get them on table food ASAP.

 

For the natural immunity help, for one reason. If there is a bug going around the house they get your antibodies. But mainly, why NOT nurse them past two? IF (big big big IF), IF it is still working for mom and child, I see no reason why a 2 year and 1 month old shouldn't nurse and a 1 year 11 month old should nurse. It's just kind of what you do, lol. It helps get them to sleep, comforts, them, etc. Sure you can comfort a child another way, but why? When it stopped working for both of us we weaned, gradually and gently, no tears. Worldwide the normal age for weaning is right about 4 years old, and coincidentally that is just about where my first two weaned. 

 

So I guess, if one accepts that nursing a toddler/preschooler is normal, in a developmental and anthropological way, the question becomes, why not?

 

Oh, and almost forgot, the longer you nurse the more protection you get from breast cancer yourself!

[Ravin]

Why would you nurse a child past 2ish? Especially one who is fully capable of feeding themselves from a plate and least of all dependent on you for nourishment?

Aren't there other ways to be close to or feel connected with your child?

 

Both of my boys were bottle fed from necessity but I admit that I was eager to get them on table food ASAP.

1. Helps keep them healthy with immunity boosters.

 

2. Yes there are other ways to be close/connected, but this one is easy.

 

3. My independence priorities for my children are foremost, potty training, secondly, ability to sleep independently, and last weaning.

 

4. I'm lazy.

[sunnyday]

.

[Butter]

Why would you nurse a child past 2ish? Especially one who is fully capable of feeding themselves from a plate and least of all dependent on you for nourishment?

Aren't there other ways to be close to or feel connected with your child?

 

It's not like a 2 year old nurses like a newborn.  They don't get *all* their nutrition from mom (but they continue to get some).  Really... why not?  There is absolutely no reason to end a nursing relationship if mother and baby are both good with it.  There are many ways to be close and connected with your child.  Nursing is one of them.  It is not the only one nursing mothers use.

[fdrinca]

Why would you nurse a child past 2ish? Especially one who is fully capable of feeding themselves from a plate and least of all dependent on you for nourishment?

Aren't there other ways to be close to or feel connected with your child?

 

Both of my boys were bottle fed from necessity but I admit that I was eager to get them on table food ASAP.

 

The fallacy in this attitude is that I'm seeking the connection with my older child when I'm nursing, that nursing is my chosen way of bonding with my child. Rather, the opposite is true: it's child-driven. The child seeks this type of bonding, especially at different times of the day. 

 

Believe me, at 6 months pregnant and tandem nursing two kiddos, I happily would have taken any other way to feel close to my children. 

 

Have you ever looked over at your kids and realized they've grown so much without you realizing? Physically, intellectually, socially? Nursing a child tend to fall into the same category. Today, I'm nursing my 10 month old. Tomorrow, she's 18 months and asking for milk by name. Next week, she'll be pumping by herself on the swings and trying to write her name, still asking to nurse. 

 

Plus, free milk! It's good for the child and the budget :)

 

edited for clarity.

[momto10blessings]

I've always been interested in tandem nursing. All my kids were weaned by the time I was 6 months pregnant with their younger sibling. By that time I was just uncomfortable and couldn't handle nursing anymore. How do you get through nursing the last few months of pregnancy and the first couple months after the new baby is born?

[HRAAB]

My oldest nursed 2.5 yrs.

Second oldest nursed 2 yrs.

Third nursed 4 yrs.

Twins - A nursed 3.5 yrs, B nursed 2 yrs 

 

Dh was my biggest supporter.  Originally I was planning on breastfeeding for a year.  Dh encouraged me to consider breastfeeding longer and actually spent time doing research on extended breastfeeding.  My mother breastfed me - for about a year I think.  My mil breastfed all 14 of her children.  I had a lot of support from family.  I nursed on demand, so if they wanted to nurse, they got to.  By the time the twins came along, I never gave a second thought to nursing them in public.  I never had anyone complain or any negative comments. Somewhere around 1.5 yrs or so I don't remember them wanting to nurse in public.  I tandem nursed the twins when they were small.  I admit that was more difficult.  I encouraged my older two to wean; my younger three weaned when they were ready.  I loved nursing my children.  It's natural, they thrived.  I'm very thankful I was able to.

[ChristusG]

Another extended nurser here.....and I'm sure people in real life think I'm crazy. Oh well, lol.

 

1st daughter - nursed till 27 months....she weaned herself....I was a couple months pregnant and I think my milk must have changed taste and she didn't care for it.

2nd daughter - nursed till her 4th birthday. I chose to wean her because I was pregnant with #3 and it was hurting like heck to nurse her. Hurting as in it brought tears to my eyes!

3rd daughter - she's 2.5 years old right now and still nursing.

 

Funny little thing that happened the other day. DD2 was walking past me in the kitchen. Suddenly, she stopped, waved at me, and said "Hi mommy! Hi milk!" Now I'm wondering if we are separate entities LOL.

[Lisa R.]

A question I've always wanted to ask...

 

When I was pregnant for the first time, I knew next to nothing about nursing. Someone told me about LLL, so I went.

 

I struck me as...odd... that women were sitting around a discussing, at length, their breast feeding experiences. And they did this meeting after meeting. It seems like if breastfeeding is such a natural process, why talk about it on and on? Most of these moms had children that had grown older and were no longer nursing. They also liked talking about their childbirth, labor, and deliveries.

 

The best analogy I can think if is if I attended a homeschool support group for elementary-aged students even though my kids were in high school. I would meet once a month and talk longingly about teaching basic math facts and reading skills to my kids. I would relive those days in detail along with others who would do the same. Months after month.

 

I guess my impression was that nursing was really, really, really important to these mothers, when I thought the main point was for the benefit of the child.

 

So my question: why the focus and emphasis for some? If it is truly natural and organic, why do some tend to go on and on about it?

[Lisa R.]

DP

[Guest submarines]

A question I've always wanted to ask...

 

When I was pregnant for the first time, I knew next to nothing about nursing. Someone told me about LLL, so I went.

 

I struck me as...odd... that women were sitting around a discussing, at length, their breast feeding experiences. And they did this meeting after meeting. It seems like if breastfeeding is such a natural process, why talk about it on and on? Most of these moms had children that had grown older and were no longer nursing. They also liked talking about their childbirth, labor, and deliveries.

 

The best analogy I can think if is if I attended a homeschool support group for elementary-aged students even though my kids were in high school. I would meet once a month and talk longingly about teaching basic math facts and reading skills to my kids. I would relive those days in detail along with others who would do the same. Months after month.

 

I guess my impression was that nursing was really, really, really important to these mothers, when I thought the main point was for the benefit of the child.

 

So my question: why the focus and emphasis for some? If it is truly natural and organic, why do some tend to go on and on about it?

They are there for the benefit of the new mothers who would presumably learn from their experiences, including learning the fact that one can talk about nursing experiencing without feeling odd about it.

 

 

[ktgrok]

A question I've always wanted to ask...

 

When I was pregnant for the first time, I knew next to nothing about nursing. Someone told me about LLL, so I went.

 

I struck me as...odd... that women were sitting around a discussing, at length, their breast feeding experiences. And they did this meeting after meeting. It seems like if breastfeeding is such a natural process, why talk about it on and on? Most of these moms had children that had grown older and were no longer nursing. They also liked talking about their childbirth, labor, and deliveries.

 

The best analogy I can think if is if I attended a homeschool support group for elementary-aged students even though my kids were in high school. I would meet once a month and talk longingly about teaching basic math facts and reading skills to my kids. I would relive those days in detail along with others who would do the same. Months after month.

 

I guess my impression was that nursing was really, really, really important to these mothers, when I thought the main point was for the benefit of the child.

 

So my question: why the focus and emphasis for some? If it is truly natural and organic, why do some tend to go on and on about it?

 

As a support to other women. That's why I would go to LLL meetings. When you are in the thick of it, it can seem really hard, and like it will never get better. Many of the women that come to LLL are attending as a last ditch effort to keep nursing. Hearing from other women that it does get better (usually) and will be worth it, will be something they remember fondly one day, can be very helpful.

 

And yes, although it is hugely important to the child, it is also wonderful in many ways for the mother. It's nothing like teaching math or phonics. More like how women whose children are all grown still talk about the smell of an infants hair, or the way their little hand curls around your finger so tightly. It's a lovely thing for many women. 

 

edited to add: just because it is natural and organic doesn't mean it isn't an interesting topic of conversation. Sex is about as natural and organic as you can get, and when a group of my women friends get together it is almost always a topic of conversation! But maybe that's just my friends :) Dear Lord, I'm not comparing breastfeeding to sex, in the sense that it is sexual, just realized it might seem that way. Just showing that things that are natural can still be interesting! Perhaps I should have said gardening, or macrobiotic cooking, lol!

[HRAAB]

I guess I'd say if it wasn't important to the mothers and if they didn't have support, they might give up and then babies won't get the benefits of breastfeeding.  If a new mom doesn't have the support of family or friends, it can be difficult.  I was extremely passionate about breastfeeding; I still am but in a removed way.  My oldest dd is breastfeeding her daughter, and I get to pass on my knowledge and mentor her.  Also, it's a subject where women can share their struggles and successes together.

[Erin]

 If it is truly natural and organic, why do some tend to go on and on about it?

Well, speaking as a former LLL Leader, natural and organic rarely meant "easy."  

 

I can only think of a few women who never had any trouble.  The rest of us battled thrush, mastitis, latch issues, cracked nipples, too little gain, too much gain, etc, etc, etc...  All of which are organic and natural, btw.   ;)

 

 

 

In centuries past, women would have had the support and knowledge of their mothers, aunts, cousins, grandmothers, and so on.  But once we took away that commonality, breastfeeding moms needed to look for something a little more structured, like LLL, to get an idea for what is normal, what isn't, and how to deal with both.   :)

[Guest submarines]

I guess my impression was that nursing was really, really, really important to these mothers, when I thought the main point was for the benefit of the child.

 

So my question: why the focus and emphasis for some? If it is truly natural and organic, why do some tend to go on and on about it?

If something is for the benefit of my child, it is automatically very important to me.

When our society is rather hostile towards nursing and makes it a taboo topic (remember when nursing pictures of FB were flagged, while soft-porn like pictures were perfectly fine? Is it still the case, btw?) it is important to talk about it, even in self-selected support groups. It is validating and empowering.

 

These women who attend the LLL month after month do this to support others through every stage of breastfeeding. They are passionate about normalizing it.

 

When something is natural and organic but is ridiculed (at best) by the mainstream it is extremely important to talk about it, month after month. :thumbup1:

[happypamama]

Mom to mom support is so important! I have actually never been to an LLL meeting, but we have a local bf support group on FB, which is made up of a lot of the local LLL members and leaders. I've been nursing for twelve years straight, except for a couple of months here and there during pregnancy, and I generally know the basics of nursing by now. I stick around to offer the help and support for other moms that experienced moms were for me.

 

The LLL group here also seems to be a social outlet, a place to meet like-minded moms, a place where your toddler won't be the only one nursing, etc.

[medawyn]

Thanks for this thread!

 

I'm nursing DS currently, who is 14 months.  I had always planned to nurse until a year, but he's still a baby.  We're definitely not ready to wean, yet!  Fortunately, DH is on board as well; he's pretty clear that it's my choice as long as it's what's best for me/our children.

 

That being said, I'm now 12 weeks pregnant with number two.  I had no plans on nursing through pregnancy/tandem nursing, but now I've no plans for weaning, so I'm heading into uncharted territory (for me - and I don't know anyone else who has done extended nursing/tandem nursing).

 

1) Other than LLL, are there any resources/books you recommend?

 

2) I'm finding that DS is nursing more frequently now.  Normal? (and ow, my aching nipples!)

 

3) Can anyone tell me things I can expect from nursing in later pregnancy?

 

4) How did you balance the newborns needs with your active toddler's desire to nurse?

 

5) Have any of your LO's weaned themselves during pregnancy?  Wanted to go back to nursing when the new baby came?

 

My OB is super supportive, which is great, but my ped is not.  He told me that I need to wean DS three months before the baby comes, otherwise the baby will have failure to thrive.  (I just nodded bc I was in shock; I might have said something to him otherwise.  I was also only about 5 weeks pregnant, so I hadn't had time to process.)

 

At this point, my "plan" is to let DS wean himself when he is ready.  I'm a little shocked he hasn't already, since I can tell my supply has dropped.  He's never nursed himself to sleep (so frustrating when he was a tiny guy!), so I kind of thought he would wean when he started going on his own.  As long as it buys me a happy almost-toddler, I'll keep nursing.

[justasque]

A question I've always wanted to ask...

 

When I was pregnant for the first time, I knew next to nothing about nursing. Someone told me about LLL, so I went.

 

I struck me as...odd... that women were sitting around a discussing, at length, their breast feeding experiences. And they did this meeting after meeting. It seems like if breastfeeding is such a natural process, why talk about it on and on? Most of these moms had children that had grown older and were no longer nursing. They also liked talking about their childbirth, labor, and deliveries.

 

The best analogy I can think if is if I attended a homeschool support group for elementary-aged students even though my kids were in high school. I would meet once a month and talk longingly about teaching basic math facts and reading skills to my kids. I would relive those days in detail along with others who would do the same. Months after month.

 

I guess my impression was that nursing was really, really, really important to these mothers, when I thought the main point was for the benefit of the child.

 

So my question: why the focus and emphasis for some? If it is truly natural and organic, why do some tend to go on and on about it?

They were there for YOU.  You, and the other women who went to that meeting seeking support, community, and information, from women who had more experience than yourselves.  They remember what it was like to be that new mom, and wanted to pass on the info and support they had received that had helped them to nurse their babies.  Many of them have a heart for education/teaching/mentorship; a lot of Leaders homeschool their kids but they are also interested in educating new moms in the womanly art of mothering through breastfeeding.

 

LLL meetings cycle through four basic topics, with variations depending on who shows up for the meeting, etc. to keep it fresh.  In addition, many LLL groups have meetings-between-meetings, some for mentoring those who are seeking to take on more responsibilities in the group plus for doing group business, and sometimes playgroups for the moms who typically come to the group.  So there can be a big social component to the group, and a lot of support for parenting, etc.  The monthly LLL meeting is the work these women do together to serve the community.  

 

In addition, some moms who have been involved for longer take on jobs within LLL above the group level.  The Leader(s) in your group may also have been involved in planning or leading educational workshops for other Leaders, mentoring moms who wish to become Leaders, or working on other initiatives beyond the group level.  In addition, some Leaders have private lactation practices, run pump rental businesses, do peer counseling for WIC, work as doulas or labor/delivery nurses, and so on.  If her kids are older, a Leader may be working on a much larger scale; I've met a Leader who did lobbying in DC on behalf of mother/baby friendly laws, one who ran city-wide breastfeeding initiative, one who worked on breastfeeding issues in disaster situations, and one who was active in breastfeeding research and advocacy on a global scale, working with several NGOs.  Yes, you may go to an LLL meeting and encounter a Leader whose kids are in college; chances are she's a very accomplished, wise woman who has a lot more going on with her many talents than that one LLL meeting a month!