The Cooking Conundrum

[mathmarm]

I am not a good cook. I sometimes can pass as a semi-decent cook by following a few very, very, very, simple recipes, but that is it. My mother-in-law, god love her, is utterly amazing. She loves to cook and she loves to feed people! Fortunately for Hubby and I, his mom can't get used to cooking for less than 6 people at every single meal and we live fairly close. Hubby cooks from time to time (he's pretty good, but he hates to cook!) and doesn't hold my ineptness against me, provided that I don't actually try and cook! On the occasions when I try to cook for us, we usually wind up arguing because he doesn't want to eat anything that I make!

 

Growing up, in my house, food was about sustenance. We ate, but not particularly well. I didn't have a problem with it because I didn't know any better. I have since gotten used to eating and enjoying meals and I really want to be able to make and enjoy something that I cooked.

 

Still, I secretly yearn to know how to cook! I have tried quite a few times over the years. Gotten all of those cookbooks and invested $$$ on ingredients and dutifully experimented and tried. But...not much has come from it! I swear, I the only thing I take away from my "I Want to Start Cooking Binges" is some mild depression and the resolve to never try again, but every now and then, I crumble and go crawling back to cooking! What is wrong with me? Why does it even matter?

 

How hard is it too cook!? Why, oh, why can't I seem to do it!!! Why is it that everyone in the effing universe--including my Preschool-aged niece--can seem to piece together a dish but not ME?!!! I just don't get it!!!

 

Okay, I'm done now...

[Lawana]

I am of the camp that can cook decently, but do not really enjoy it. Most of my skills came from home ec classes in junior high, from reading, and at home. My mother cooked every meal, but was an exceptionally uninspired cook. She could cook things without burning or ruining them, but they tasted mostly meh.

Is there any way it would work for you MIL to teach you to cook a favorite dish? That seems like a readily available resource. Otherwise, are there cooking classes you could take?

[Carol in Cal.]

What goes wrong?  Start with that.  Maybe there are work arounds.

 

For instance, I love to cook, but I get bored waiting for a hunk of meat to be sauteed just right.  I tend to over or undercook steaks, for instance. 

I work around this by often cooking Chinese food, which really holds your attention.  Roasting and stewing are also methods that don't require as much bored vigilance.

[Sun]

How is your relationship with your MIL? Would you feel comfortable asking her to give you a few lessons? Or do you have a friend or sibling with whom you could work to learn this?

 

I think that learning to cook from most cookbooks is difficult. I find with one of my family members that any slight problem with the recipe is a big problem for her. If the recipe calls for 3/4 cup finely chopped red onion, and she only has 2/3 of a cup once she chops hers, she'll run to the store for another one. She also gets worried about whether her chopped onion size is the correct one. This makes cooking very stressful for her. I don't know if you have similar problems, or if perhaps you're more like another relative of mine who feels as if she follows the recipes exactly and yet dishes don't turn out well. When I've cooked with her, I can see why the dishes don't turn out well. Sometimes the recipes just don't sound appetizing in the first place or I can see that the recipe called for doing something that she didn't quite do as the recipe intended. Either way, having someone who is comfortable in the kitchen with you as you try to learn could be quite helpful. It needs to be someone warm and easy to be around!

 

There are also some cookbooks that are specifically written for those who are trying to learn to cook. I'm sorry I don't have any recommendations, but I'm sure others will.

 

I wish you good luck on your journey!

 

[mathmarm]

How is your relationship with your MIL? Would you feel comfortable asking her to give you a few lessons? Or do you have a friend or sibling with whom you could work to learn this?

My MIL and I get along really, really well, but I doubt that she'd like me in her kitchen. She is one of those people who views the houses kitchen as her domain. Many years ago, I tried to help her in the kitchen and it was a literal disaster--It is a testament to her character that she didn't throw me out of the house that night. I don't set things on fire anymore, but thats probably my greatest culinary accomplishment in the last 20 years. Though, by all accounts MIL is crazy about her kitchen. The kids were taught to stay out of her way in the kitchen, its a running joke in the family that MIL stayed with her husband all these years in large part because of the kitchen!

 

I think that learning to cook from most cookbooks is difficult. I find with one of my family members that any slight problem with the recipe is a big problem for her. If the recipe calls for 3/4 cup finely chopped red onion, and she only has 2/3 of a cup once she chops hers, she'll run to the store for another one. She also gets worried about whether her chopped onion size is the correct one. This makes cooking very stressful for her.

I do this too! I can spend 20 minutes trying to gauge the size of produce and figuring out how that will translate to a recipes asked for measurements!

I don't know if you have similar problems, or if perhaps you're more like another relative of mine who feels as if she follows the recipes exactly and yet dishes don't turn out well. When I've cooked with her, I can see why the dishes don't turn out well. Sometimes the recipes just don't sound appetizing in the first place or I can see that the recipe called for doing something that she didn't quite do as the recipe intended. Either way, having someone who is comfortable in the kitchen with you as you try to learn could be quite helpful. It needs to be someone warm and easy to be around!

Yeah, I don't know how to cope with things being 'off'. I hate how cookbooks are a mix of vague and hyper specific--"cook at a medium-high setting for 7.5 minutes or until the sauce begins to boil briskly. Meat should have an internal temperature of 165* F without touching the bone."

 

I hate that! What the heck is a medium-high temperature!! How much 'bubbling' is considered boiling briskly and how do you know when its too brisk of a boil? Is there even such a thing as boiling too briskly? For some recipes it seems that it couldn't matter less, while others it can make or break the whole meal!

 

There are also some cookbooks that are specifically written for those who are trying to learn to cook. I'm sorry I don't have any recommendations, but I'm sure others will.

I've bought and donated and rebought several cookbooks! I don't know what is wrong with me! I think I'm just going to borrow cookbooks from the library next time.

 

I wish you good luck on your journey!

Thank you!

[history_junkie]

Have your tried a Pioneer Woman cookbook? Her step by step pictures are annoying for some, but might be nice for reference. You could always try recipes from her blog, first. 

 

Also, what if you invite your MIL to your house? You may both be more comfortable  :001_smile:

[Truscifi]

It sounds like you need a live lesson. I was a basic but adequate cook for many years, but dh is a chef. He has taught me a LOT more than I would ever have gotten out of a cookbook. I am now a fairly good cook, though still not nearly as good as he is.

 

If your MIL is not a good resource there - just because someone is an excellent cook doesn't mean they are a good teacher - try a local class. Our trade school and community college both have adult education courses that include cooking classes. The trade school has both basic and advanced. They even have a gourmet series that includes some really fancy stuff. I keep eying it, but I don't have time right now.

[Lara in Colo]

first of all-- relax-- it's dinner, not cancer.   Start with one dish you want to master-- something simple and allow yourself to fail-- have a backup--always have a backup.  (frozen pizza)

 

Get yourself a meat thermometer  165= pork is done   185= chicken is done

 

Pick a simple dish-- baked chicken with a side of packaged frozen broccoli

 

get the package of thighs (8)

 

Sprinkle some granulated garlic powder on the thighs -  on both sides

add about 1/4 cup of brown sugar -- rub it onto the meat-- add more if it seems to be not enough  remember this is YOUR dish.

 

cook for about 45 minutes at 350, turning the chicken over at the 20 minute mark.

If you have a meat thermometer-- the chicken should read 185-- if not give it more time.

 

frozen broccoli  goes into a pot of boiling water when the chicken has about 10 minutes left.

 

when you are eating-- see if you like the dish-- does it need more salt? garlic? sugar?  next time add more or less.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

You need one of those cookbooks they used to write for men who had just moved into their own apartments for the first time.

Or students.  Like this one, which I still have:  http://www.amazon.com/impoverished-students-cookery-drinkery-housekeepery/dp/B0007FXR9E/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1395423179&sr=8-2-fkmr1&keywords=starving+student%27s+guide+to+housewifery+eatery+and+cookery

[Carol in Cal.]

Oh!  Get the "I Hate to Cook" book by Peg Bracken.  Seriously.  Get that one.

[wendyroo]

What level of cooking are you talking about?  Can you bake chicken breasts?  Bake sweet potatoes?  Microwave broccoli?  Boil rice?

 

I consider myself an adequate cook who can healthfully feed my family of five, but I rarely use recipes, I just cook food.  

 

If I were you I would work not on making grand recipes that require dozens of ingredients, but on perfecting how you prepare and cook some simple foods.  Learn how to make a good baked potato.  Learn to bake moist, flavorful chicken breasts.  Learn to roast cauliflower.  Learn to make really good scrambled eggs and then move on to hard boiling eggs.

 

As you feel more competent cooking individual foods you will be able to branch out and try incorporating those foods into recipes.

 

Wendy

 

 

[PeterPan]

You have a 1 yo.  Learn the phone number for carryout.  :D

 

Seriously, it does get easier.   You might be tired from chasing him or if you're nursing.  Pick just *1* day a week to try something new.  I really like this crockpot cookbook I've been using.  Everything I've tried has been good, and your prep is super simple.  Just try one new thing a week, nothing more.  Restrain yourself.  :)

Slow Cooker Revolution Volume 2

 

 

[mamaraby]

What about Cooking for Engineers? http://www.cookingforengineers.com/ Similar to the suggestion for Pioneer Woman, there are step by step instructions with pictures.

[bolt.]

Some things you just need to learn from a person. If trying this impersonally isn't working, get an instruction. You have little kid/s. you need a hobby and a night off. Take a cooking class.

[OneStepAtATime]

No real good suggestions, but I feel your pain.  :)  I am a lousy cook.  So is my husband.  Our first year living out of state and no longer able to afford restaurants and take out, we had to secretly call his brother to ask how to boil an egg.   :001_unsure: We had no idea how long to leave it in the water.  But I have managed to slowly add in a few dishes that after a lot of trial and error I can finally consistently get right.  

 

Now that my kids are older (10 and 13) I want so badly for them to have better skill sets.  We are doing some cooking together and my 13 year old is starting to experiment independently and enjoys it as long as there is no pressure or expectation.  My 10 year old loves cooking and has since he was very little but has to have supervision because of some coordination issues and with two fairly poor parental cooks and not one grandmother that is good at cooking he is kind of out of luck for all the things he wants to do.  I am hoping to sign us up for a cooking class together for the summer if I can find one that takes adults and kids (and we don't end up moving...).  

 

I like some of the book suggestions, though, that were mentioned up thread.  Anyway, best wishes OP.  If you ever find something that works for you,  PLEASE post it!  :)

[ChrisB]

How about recording a cooking show where the host is explicit about directions (a teacher), find a few simple recipes that sound good to you, pause the recording and write it down step-by-step, and try it out ?  A few of the better ones that I can think of are America's Test Kitchen and Lydia's Italy, both on PBS.  I agree with a PP, keep it simple with not many ingredients to begin with.

[ChrisB]

Or, you could ask us, the Hive, to walk you through a couple of recipes.  You could ask all your questions like your medium-high temperature one.  :001_smile:

[MrsMommy]

Do you have the right tools for cooking? I've always been a good cook, but once I got the right tools for cooking, I became a (if I do say so myself) great cook. I really think that makes a difference. It doesn't have to be fancy, but good quality pans for cooking on the stove, a good knife and a good cutting board make a lot of difference. And you could always take a cooking class. I can think of several places locally that offer inexpensive cooking classes in a bunch of different styles. If you have something like that near you, I bet it would help!

[mamaraby]

Maybe your library has "The Can't Cook Book"?

[jenn-]

I know you said your MIL does not want help in her kitchen, but is there a favorite dish or two that she could come teach you to cook? She would have to know that her role was strictly as the teacher and not the chef.

I am a so so cook but I still don't like inference once I start cooking. If I want help or opinions, I will ask for them. I want people to stay out of my way otherwise. That said, I have no problem showing my sister how to read a recipe she wants to try.

[Lara in Colo]

This might give you some confidence-- I worked on making the perfect cheesecake for 5 years.  I probably made 10 cheesecakes before I was happy.  I just never made them for company. 

 

I am taking food to a get together next week-- I think I will take Quiver's cinnamon rolls- I have made them once and they were good, but I am not confident enough to say that I can pull it off this time-- but if they fail-- if they don't rise or burn or  *whatever* I know there are packages of monkey bread in the frozen section of Walmart that are good and I have my plan B. 

 

I think the first thing you need to do is relax and gain confidence with some simple recipes.  I would teach you myself if you lived closer. 

 

BTW-- I have trying for 15 years to make a good pot roast-- it still sucks wind.

[Rosie_0801]

Pick a recipe that sounds edible. Make it, eat it, have a dinner table evaluation conversation and scribble all over the recipe with grey lead pencil about how to make it better next time.
Wait a week.
Make it again, according to the revisions. Discuss and scribble more or erase previous scribbles.
Wait a week.
Make it again.
Repeat until you like the outcome and and nobody except the most fussy person in the family has opted for peanut butter sandwiches instead.

 

That was my method anyway. :D

[ElizabethB]

Oh! Get the "I Hate to Cook" book by Peg Bracken. Seriously. Get that one.

It is entertaining, too! I reread it occasionally for fun.

[Joyofsixreboot]

What goes wrong?  Start with that.  Maybe there are work arounds.

 

For instance, I love to cook, but I get bored waiting for a hunk of meat to be sauteed just right.  I tend to over or undercook steaks, for instance. 

I work around this by often cooking Chinese food, which really holds your attention.  Roasting and stewing are also methods that don't require as much bored vigilance.

I totally agree with this.  I pretty much taught myself to cook after I had kids.  Turns out I'm ok but I'm a terrific baker.  Probably because you mix it , put it in the oven and walk away.  Sometimes it's about finding your niche.  

[heartosunshine]

I sometimes find it easier to "see" how something is done rather than "reading" about how it's done. Find a cooking mentor to teach you, take a class like others have suggested, watch cooking shows on tv, or watch YouTube videos.

 

Then, practice, practice, practice! I'm a good cook but I've been doing it since I could reach the stove using a step stool. I've set fires, hacked my fingers with knives, burnt food to a crisp, served undercooked food, burnt myself many times (not sure I have fingerprints now), and still routinely set off the smoke detector. It's all just part of learning & yeah, I get discouraged sometimes but I get over it & try again. I also don't cook "gourmet" every night. Like a pp, cooking is mostly a chore right now but I like to have at least 1-2 dinners a week that are rave-worthy.

 

Regarding the produce in recipes, I find that it's more personal taste rather than following the recipe exactly. For example, I don't like onion flavor overwhelming the other flavors in the food, so I use 1/2 the amount of onions the first time I try a recipe. As far as how small to chop the onion, no one in my family likes to crunch on onions so I usually chop them pretty small unless they'll cook for a very long time (soup or crockpot recipe). Often, I'll skip onion chopping & use onion powder so I get the flavor (mostly) without the onion bits my family dislikes.

 

When you're trying a recipe for the first time, give yourself plenty of time to prepare & cook. Also, always have a back up plan such as box mac & cheese, hot dogs, or the phone number for takeout. That helps take the pressure off you.

 

Hope that helps!

[mathmarm]

Is soup considered an advanced thing to know how to make?

I have a soup-recipe that I would really like to try, but I honestly have no idea how it falls on the whole culinary spectrum.

 

I want to make this Lentil-Mushroom soup, but alas, I have no crockpot. Can I make this on the stove (without it taking 5-12 hours!)

[Lara in Colo]

sure, just get it to a boil and --then lower it to a simmer (gentle burbling) let it cook for about two hours-- don't forget to check it every so often and stir to keep it from sticking to the bottom-- if it gets too low, add some water.

 

The biggest difference in crockpot to stove top cooking is the time it takes, and the amount of dehydration the dish will get on the stove.  Crockpots don't usually have dehydration, stove top does.

 

Perhaps others will want to correct me..............................

[regentrude]

Is soup considered an advanced thing to know how to make?

I have a soup-recipe that I would really like to try, but I honestly have no idea how it falls on the whole culinary spectrum.

 

I want to make this Lentil-Mushroom soup, but alas, I have no crockpot. Can I make this on the stove (without it taking 5-12 hours!)

 

Making soup is the easiest thing because you can't really burn anything, you do not have to watch the time closely (if it cooks an hour longer, no harm done), and you can always adjust seasoning and liquid during the cooking process or at the end

 

I looked at the recipe and would totally make that stove top in a pot. Cooking plain lentils takes less than 60 minutes until they are soft; all the other ingredients will be done earlier. So, no need to simmer for 5-12 hours. Start your soup, do steps 1-3, bring soup to a boil on high heat, then once it boils turn down the heat so that it simmers. (Having higher heat does not make it cook any faster, since the temperature of a soup will not raise above the boiling point of water, 100 degree C).

Check after 45 minutes how the lentils are doing, taste every 15 minutes thereafter, and switch off the stove when you like the taste ;-)

 

Really, this is not difficult. Just follow the instructions.

 

ETA: Good point by previous poster: the lentils will absorb water as they cook, and you might want to check every now and then that your soup still has enough liquid, otherwise it burns. You can simply add some water if it gets too thick during the cooking process.