ondreeuh Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I have been struggling with my now-6 year old's behavior since ... well, forever. He's always been super sensitive, and then overreacts to any perceived insult with a huge overreaction. He received a soft diagnosis of "mood disorder" from our psychiatrist last spring, and was put on a mood stabilizer 5 months ago. He had a very dramatic improvement that lasted about 3 months, and then he started regressing. Two weeks ago we bumped up his dosage and added a med for sleep, and things have only gotten worse. He has gotten much more aggressive (hitting and slapping). I have tried to not react badly but it is SO HARD. Today was especially awful. He threw a chair at school! When he got home he was definitely off-kilter, and spiraled into a big hate-fest at bedtime. I was doing an award-worthy performance of being a patient, calm mother and I thought he asked me if I was going to leave the family. I thought, oh the poor kid is worried that I am going to reject him because he's acting so horrible. I told him that I loved him no matter what and I was NEVER going to leave the family. He glared at me and said, "No, I think you SHOULD leave the family. You should go away and never come back!" I gently set him in his Epsom salt bath, shut the door, and cried. And that wasn't even the end of it; he was even worse when getting into bed - and I WASN'T so nice. After getting slapped yet again, I spanked him and took away his music that he uses to fall asleep. He asked me if I hated him, and I told him that I love him but I am very disappointed in his behavior. It's so hard to know what is acting out due to emotional problems - pushing me away because he's hurting, punishing me because he wants to punish himself, etc. (which may be helped by empathizing, supporting, comforting, etc.) and what is just straight-up mental illness. If he can't help what he's doing, then punishing him for it just adds to the problems. I don't think that anything I have ever done has HELPED. Firm limits vs. flexibility, calm routine vs. staying busy, guilt tripping vs. forgiving instantly ... The best I can hope for is that I've not made it worse, and most of the time I can't tell if I'm even doing that. In between episodes he is super lovey and sweet, so I think I'm doing something right. And when the meds worked, he was just a dream. So I think that maybe I haven't screwed him up too much; maybe he is developing normally inside even if his outward behavior is so awful. I have told him he is like an orange - always sweet inside, even if he's a little bitter on the outside. My biggest ally in this is my son's kindergarten teacher. He has experience with emotionally disturbed kids, but they were all the products of abuse. He is still eternally forgiving of my son, doesn't hold a grudge against him, and believes that I am doing my best. It is a welcome respite to have those hours each day when there is no drama, but I'm afraid I'll have to pull him out soon because I don't want him to have those out-of-control experiences at school and be known as the out-of-control kid. Academically he would be better suited to homeschooling; however, I don't want him to lose his classroom teacher, who is a wonderful role model and support to him. My husband is deployed and I have no family in the state (or within 2400 miles, really). My 18 year old daughter tries to help, but she is barely stable with Bipolar II. I feel so alone with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I don't have any suggestions. Just ((hug))s Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 More hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabella Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Gosh, you poor mama! You're doing it hard, but sounds like you are doing a wonderful job holding it together! Huge hugs to you. Wonderful you can see the sweet boy beyond the harsh words. Love your analogy of the orange. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I am so sorry this is happening Andrea. I cannot imagine or even begin to understand what you must be going through. You might have considered it already...is it possible to seek a second opinion on the diagnosis? I'm sorry that I don't know what else to say. Many, many hugs. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 ((((Hugs)))). I wish I had some advice, but it sounds like you are doing everything right. I can't remember who, but someone on the learning challenges board recently said, "just because it's hard doesn't mean you're doing it wrong." (((((Hugs))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueTaelon Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 *HUGS* btdt, your son and dd are screaming "I HAVE PYROLURIA!!!!!!!" Most Dr's have never heard of it and some even poo poo its existence but its very real and treating it makes Bipolar and the hell of raising these kids go away. I wish someone had told me about this disease years ago, could have saved a lot of heartache in our family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 *HUGS* btdt, your son and dd are screaming "I HAVE PYROLURIA!!!!!!!" Most Dr's have never heard of it and some even poo poo its existence but its very real and treating it makes Bipolar and the hell of raising these kids go away. I wish someone had told me about this disease years ago, could have saved a lot of heartache in our family. I did look into that a bit last spring due to one of your posts. My dd was actually in hospital at the time for surgery, and all of her blood tests were normal. They weren't super comprehensive, but everything looked fine. My dd has zero symptoms of zinc deficiency. She is super healthy, great skin and hair, great digestion, etc. My son is the picture of health but gets a few colds, as most 6 year olds do. I am very skeptical of anything that doesn't have a mainstream source of info on the first 5 pages of google results, but I can ask about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LLMom Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 So sorry. I have a 20 year old ds with a mood disorder (bipolar). He was exhausting as a child (I hs him all the way through) and exhausting as an adult. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 ((Hugs)) You are a good mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Hugs. You seem amazing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 :grouphug: Saying you should leave, and asking if you hate him ... those two things made me think he is feeling insecure and is in a testing phase: testing to see how "bad" he has to be before you blow, maybe. I suspect my own DS went through that - around the same age, now that I think of it - but we have extenuating circumstances that seem irrelevant to your situation. How much does he know about why he is taking meds? Is it possible that he is equating the need for meds with "bad person"? Is it possible that he is feeling terribly guilty about you having to deal with his shortcomings? :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 (((hugs))) I'm sorry, mama. You are doing your best under some hard circumstances. As an aside, in my experience, sometimes with kids this young the underlying mental health condition does not fully manifest in a clear, diagnosable condition. In time, the correct diagnosis becomes more clear. I wonder if you are in this position with your ds. Hugs and peace to you. You are a good mama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Do you have a support group? I know that EFMP in some places helps families set up things like that. Have you talked to them? Can they get you some respite care? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 ((((((((((love))))))))))) I live your life. DD7 is a very difficult child to handle even for those trained to deal with difficult children. LOL I know that I could help her get a better education at home, but honestly, the home school environment has to be a positive one for not just academics but also social and emotional health. Do not beat your self up over the fact that he needs a separation from you, and you from him to help get a break each day. Traditional school and the services it provides is the norm in this country. You are not doing anyone a disservice by choosing the well worn path of public schools. That break everyday likely gives you the stamina to be a better parent in the evenings and weekends and is likely the healthiest choice for both of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 :grouphug: Saying you should leave, and asking if you hate him ... those two things made me think he is feeling insecure and is in a testing phase: testing to see how "bad" he has to be before you blow, maybe. I suspect my own DS went through that - around the same age, now that I think of it - but we have extenuating circumstances that seem irrelevant to your situation. How much does he know about why he is taking meds? Is it possible that he is equating the need for meds with "bad person"? Is it possible that he is feeling terribly guilty about you having to deal with his shortcomings? :grouphug: Oh, he definitely knows his behavior is rotten, and despite my efforts to be clear that HE is a good person but his BEHAVIOR is a problem, he definitely internalizes it. The meds don't have anything to do with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 Do you have a support group? I know that EFMP in some places helps families set up things like that. Have you talked to them? Can they get you some respite care? No support group. We live an hour from the base, and since my husband is ARNG, I'm not connected to the military system much. I do get a phone call once a month to check in with me, but all they can do is referrals. I have seen a psychiatrist about helping me deal with my son's behavior, and he dx me with adjustment disorder. That ticked me off, to be honest. I don't have a problem until I'm in an impossible situation. I don't think respite care is needed. He isn't constantly out of control. This morning has been 90% great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 ((Hugs)) You are walking a very tough road. Your strength is amazing, but I'm sorry it is so hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 ((((((((((love))))))))))) I live your life. DD7 is a very difficult child to handle even for those trained to deal with difficult children. LOL I know that I could help her get a better education at home, but honestly, the home school environment has to be a positive one for not just academics but also social and emotional health. Do not beat your self up over the fact that he needs a separation from you, and you from him to help get a break each day. Traditional school and the services it provides is the norm in this country. You are not doing anyone a disservice by choosing the well worn path of public schools. That break everyday likely gives you the stamina to be a better parent in the evenings and weekends and is likely the healthiest choice for both of you. Thank you. I am unsure what to do next year ... this year he has a great teacher, is given some differentiated work (as much as the teacher can do), and he likes being part of a class. On the other hand, he is on his way to alienating the kids, and who knows if another teacher could be as patient with him. It's not an easy decision! But thank you for the reassurance that it can be a great choice for him. And I am sorry you area dealing with this too. PM me if you want to chat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alef Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 We have some similar issues with dd6. And any kind of disruption makes them much worse, I can only imagine your husband's deployment is not helping things. I understand the school dilemma, I looked into kindergarten for dd this past fall in the hope it might provide something she is needing and not getting at home, but it didn't seem like a good fit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 OP, Adjustment Disorder is the common cold of mental health disorders. If you see a mental health professional, most of the time a diagnosis is needed. Adjustment Disorder just means that you have a situation in your life to adjust to which has caused you some issues or feelings. It is only valid for six months and must be revisited after that time. (Hope that helps with that small piece of it for you. ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Double check and see if when you filled his last prescription and see if it was a different maker who made the generic. Some generics can be a little different and it does matter to some individuals. Also, you can get your body used to a med and it no longer works. You may want to try a different med. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Have been thinking of your post all day. This may not apply, but does your kiddo take any other meds? Allergy meds, maybe? Some of the allergy meds can cause behavioral issues. Big ones. DS was a tough kid, too. He's still challenging. He doesn't have the diagnoses of your kiddo, but he was tough, and it was hard. But it's gotten easier. Something about the magic age of 9. And we did find that changing up his meds and doing a lot of other seemingly small things - all added up to helping tremendously. That, plus ... time. More :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Well, here's a hug for you. :grouphug: I could use one too, as I just got an email from my kids' teacher for a behavior issue that I thought had resolved. Sounds like he is having a bad reaction to the meds, or is insecure for some reason. Is it possible that something scary is happening at school? Is there anything unusual in the way he developed as a baby? I ask because my dd was adopted and she was found to have retained primitive reflexes, probably due to not going through the regular baby stages the regular way. In her case it was because she was left sitting in a stroller in front of a TV most of her first year. But this can also happen with kids who were preemies, had medical issues, certain kinds of traumas, and other stuff. You might want to look into that. My daughter has been in therapy for about a year and a half (it's only 5-15 minutes per day done at home), and there has been a lot of improvement, though obviously we are not completely there yet. :/ Another thing that might help is a chiropractor who works with kids. Sorry you are going through this. I hope you get to the bottom of it soon. (And now I need to go retrieve my kids and deal with the stuff over here....) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 Double check and see if when you filled his last prescription and see if it was a different maker who made the generic. Some generics can be a little different and it does matter to some individuals. Also, you can get your body used to a med and it no longer works. You may want to try a different med. :grouphug: I might have the old pill bottles around, so I will check. The last increase meant a bigger dose cut in half, so it very would could be a different manufacturer. Thanks for the heads up. I did use google to see whether other people had an issue with the med not working, and other people have reported it, so it's possible. Have been thinking of your post all day. This may not apply, but does your kiddo take any other meds? Allergy meds, maybe? Some of the allergy meds can cause behavioral issues. Big ones. DS was a tough kid, too. He's still challenging. He doesn't have the diagnoses of your kiddo, but he was tough, and it was hard. But it's gotten easier. Something about the magic age of 9. And we did find that changing up his meds and doing a lot of other seemingly small things - all added up to helping tremendously. That, plus ... time. More :grouphug: No allergies or signs of any. Great digestion, great skin, no runny nose or anything like that. He eats a pretty balanced diet. Yesterday he ate oatmeal, protein bar, hard boiled egg, pita & hummus, carrots, pears, Clif bar, homemade chicken & gnocchi soup (with spinach, carrots & onions in it). He's not overly drawn to any one food group. I haven't read labels to ensure he's not getting a bunch of food dye, but when he does get obvious dye (like in fruit punch) it doesn't make him any worse. A PP mentioned checking nail beds for white spots which could be a sign of a vitamin deficiency. He has a total of one, which is probably from getting banged on something. Well, here's a hug for you. :grouphug: I could use one too, as I just got an email from my kids' teacher for a behavior issue that I thought had resolved. Sounds like he is having a bad reaction to the meds, or is insecure for some reason. Is it possible that something scary is happening at school? Is there anything unusual in the way he developed as a baby? I ask because my dd was adopted and she was found to have retained primitive reflexes, probably due to not going through the regular baby stages the regular way. In her case it was because she was left sitting in a stroller in front of a TV most of her first year. But this can also happen with kids who were preemies, had medical issues, certain kinds of traumas, and other stuff. You might want to look into that. My daughter has been in therapy for about a year and a half (it's only 5-15 minutes per day done at home), and there has been a lot of improvement, though obviously we are not completely there yet. :/ Another thing that might help is a chiropractor who works with kids. Sorry you are going through this. I hope you get to the bottom of it soon. (And now I need to go retrieve my kids and deal with the stuff over here....) This isn't anything recent; he had the same problems in 2 preschool programs we tried. He was kicked out of summer camp when he was 4. I am as positive as I can be that nothing scary is happening at school. His development as a baby was normal. The frustration issues started cropping up later (maybe around 2?) and he was uniquely spirited by 3. I remember putting him a great daycare for a couple mornings a week, and he was moved to a class with kindergartners because he was too aggressive with the 3's but did great with the older, bigger kids. Aggression has actually been a small part until recently; it used to be that he would mostly just shut down and scream when he got frustrated and only occasionally lash out at other. Now lashing out has gotten much worse. SKL, here is a hug for you too :grouphug:. I hope your kids' teacher knows you are doing everything you can. I called the psychiatrist's office and the nurse is calling his doctor, who is on leave until March. My son has been on the waiting list to see the backup doctor for a month and we still don't have an appt., so they are trying to get ahold of his main doc to see if she has ideas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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