Does it do any good to think about the path not taken?

[Just Another Jen]

Or does it just breed discontent?

[Lady Florida.]

Nah. It breeds discontent. The path you took is the path you took. You can't go back but you can move forward (whether that means accepting the path you're on or making a change - it's still forward).

[PeterPan]

Depends on how good-looking the path was.   :blushing: 

 

I think it's at least *destabilizing* to look back and certainly unproductive.  Is there anything you can change about the future?  Channel that energy into making a change for your future, since you can't change the past.  You made those decisions for good reasons, and in reality sometimes it's that you don't like some of the side consequences of a decision, not that you would have decided differently, had you the ability to do it over again.

[Dandelion]

I think it's helpful to the extent that it allows you to assess your thought process/decisions and how they led you down the path you took.  If you can do that objectively, and take away some insights for future decisions, then it's beneficial.

 

Beyond that, dwelling on what you did/didn't do in the past is not helpful.  Your life is in the now, and that's all you have control over.

[Belacqua]

I vote discontent. Even if it's a decision that you didn't make then that you want to make now (such as going to college), it still wouldn't be exactly the same path. 

[Joshin]

Depends on the path not taken, really. Some paths are gone for ever if you don't take them, others you can rejoin again at a later time. Some paths seem great in retrospect, but we know it wouldn't be good to get back on them. If it's possible, constructive and will improve your life to jump paths, then it can be very useful to think about it and find the short cut to get back on it.

[TranquilMind]

Or does it just breed discontent?

No, it does not do any good.

Yes, it simply breeds discontent.

Be happy with what you did do, and if there is a way that some of your previous dreams can be incorporated - such as travel (not such as the old boyfriend!), then think about how to make that happen.

[gardenmom5]

much depends upon how realistic the "path not taken" scenario is.  most people who engage in it think everything will be peachy keen and wonderful, without taking into account there will be dissatisfactions in that path too.    I used to wonder what my life would have been like if my father hadn't died when I was a child . . . then I started to wonder how his living would have affected choices I made . . .  . some of them probably not for the better.

 

if you are realistic that it would bring its own issues, and treat it as a way to be more appreciative for where you are, it can be fine.

[LostSurprise]

Depends a lot on the person concerned. How well do you know yourself? How hurt are you?

 

I personally like to think it over at least once in order to grieve and understand myself better. There are times I don't because I know I will be too raw so the analysis will be unhelpful. 

 

[Chris in VA]

Depends why you didn't take it, too. 

[Catwoman]

Another "no" vote here.

 

Whenever I start wondering if I should have done things differently and start imagining that I missed out on a particularly exciting and glamorous life, I picture myself walking across the street to my waiting limousine with my gorgeous billionaire husband, loaded down with my Cartier shopping bags...

 

.... and then I get hit by a bus.

 

It kind of puts things back into perspective. I always figure that as long as I'm still here, I'm ahead of the game. If I'd made a different choice, I might have been hit by a bus years ago.

[Kathryn]

Discontent.

 

I try not to regret even the huge mistakes I've made in life because you never ever know what would have happened had that event not happened. Kinda like Catwoman's bus.

[G5052]

Only if you can learn from it.  If looking back involves regret, that's not productive.

[Violet Crown]

If it's any help (and actually I find this comforting), the point of Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken" is not that early choices, well-made - especially unusual choices - make "all the difference." The point of the poem is that we don't have enough information even at the time to choose the better future; that we certainly don't know in retrospect which path would have made a meaningful difference; that we tend to attribute great import to choices we've made despite the lack of any good reason to do so; and that, in the end, it isn't going to matter much what we do.

[Mrs Mungo]

The key to the poem you reference? When he is actually looking at the two roads, he says they are equally worn and pretty much the same. It's only in his future wistful recollection that he ironically sees his choices as being all-important.

[Mrs Mungo]

If it's any help (and actually I find this comforting), the point of Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken" is not that early choices, well-made - especially unusual choices - make "all the difference." The point of the poem is that we don't have enough information even at the time to choose the better future; that we certainly don't know in retrospect which path would have made a meaningful difference; that we tend to attribute great import to choices we've made despite the lack of any good reason to do so; and that, in the end, it isn't going to matter much what we do.

Whoops, just cross-posted with you, lol!

[Garga]

I read a book where the author interviewed octogenarians (people over 100 years old. I think I got the right word...). They were all living on their own and in sound minds. And almost ALL of them rarely talked about the past. The author would ask them about it and they'd give short answers. They were living in the present and looking to the future.

 

I think that if you want long life and a better chance at a clear mind, you live in the now and look ahead. You don't look back. The only time you look back is to learn from something. But learn quickly! And move ahead.

[MFG]

Another "no" vote here.

 

Whenever I start wondering if I should have done things differently and start imagining that I missed out on a particularly exciting and glamorous life, I picture myself walking across the street to my waiting limousine with my gorgeous billionaire husband, loaded down with my Cartier shopping bags...

 

.... and then I get hit by a bus.

 

It kind of puts things back into perspective. I always figure that as long as I'm still here, I'm ahead of the game. If I'd made a different choice, I might have been hit by a bus years ago.

This is a great point. Too often we romanticize what could have been. No reality can compete with that.

[Violet Crown]

Whoops, just cross-posted with you, lol!

Great minds. Here, have a Zima.

[elegantlion]

Depends on the path not taken, really. Some paths are gone for ever if you don't take them, others you can rejoin again at a later time. Some paths seem great in retrospect, but we know it wouldn't be good to get back on them. If it's possible, constructive and will improve your life to jump paths, then it can be very useful to think about it and find the short cut to get back on it.

:iagree:

 

Sometimes I think we get so wrapped in "we're too old" that we forget that many times we're not. It might not do any good to think about the person you didn't marry, and you can't change choices made on how to raise your kids once they're raised. I do believe there is some value in purposely looking back through your life and making amends if you need to. 

[laundrycrisis]

I think if you have a hard time letting go of an opportunity you gave up in the past, it might be useful to figure out exactly what aspect of that you feel you are missing, and think about whether there is a way to work some of that into your life now. I think perhaps this could help make present life more satisfying, and help make peace with a past decision.

[wintermom]

I guess it depends on which of the paths not taken you want to consider. There are so many life-altering choices we make throughout our lives to get to where we are. There are lots of choices where things have turned out better than expected, and some situations where we may regret a decision. I find it fascinating and fun to think about some "what ifs", then reflect on how happy I am right where here. Other "what ifs" can cause more pain. Dwelling on those isn't usual very inspiring and helpful.

[ocelotmom]

I used to play "What would my life be like if I went back to random-transitional-point and made a different choice?" a lot. At first it led to discontent because we were in a pretty bad place for a while. Now I find it validating that even imperfect choices led us to a reasonable place, and don't have any particular desire to switch to some alternate timeline where I did things differently.

[Just Another Jen]

Thanks everyone. I guess I just needed a pep talk/kick in the pants. I guess I was Just feeling sorry for myself. I would have liked certain aspects of life to different.I'd like to give my 24 year old self a good talking to.  That's probably enough info for the internet.

[Little Nyssa]

When such thoughts occur to me, I quote Tolkein to myself:

 

"Now all those lands lie under the wave, and I walk in my own country, in the land of [fill in my location], where the leaves lie as thick as the years..."

 

The long-ago might-have-beens are all gone now, and the memories might be beautiful, but that's it. I'm here now.

 

Hoping this is a good quote for a Rivendell Mom!

[Just Another Jen]

When such thoughts occur to me, I quote Tolkein to myself:

 

"Now all those lands lie under the wave, and I walk in my own country, in the land of [fill in my location], where the leaves lie as thick as the years..."

 

The long-ago might-have-beens are all gone now, and the memories might be beautiful, but that's it. I'm here now.

 

Hoping this is a good quote for a Rivendell Mom!

 

 

 

Perfect!

[creekland]

Learn from the past, don't dwell on it.  (The best lesson my dad ever taught me.)

 

If you don't like your life right now, change it... using intelligence to plot a path of change. In the future, you'll thank yourself.  (The best lesson we've learned throughout our marriage.)

 

Sitting and dwelling and feeling sorry for how things are - while placing blame "wherever" - accomplishes nothing good.