33yo guy/16yo girl - is this ever okay?

[TranquilMind]

Just wondering what the Hive thinks. Is there ever a circumstance where this is okay?

No, absolutely not.

Knowing what I knew in my youth, I thought that I was so fabulously mature (while still having a rockin' appearance) that older men were interested in me.

Knowing what I know now, they were pervs. 

We don't live in an era where all physically mature females are women because they had to be, such as on the Oregon Trail, where you married if you had a chance because you died early anyway.

Today, any man looking at a 16 year old should move along. 

[T'smom]

I guess my marriage could be the poster child for this thread. We have an 18 year gap and we met when I had just turned 18. So do the math. We have been happily married for 14 years, have two awesome kiddos and hopefully have many more happy years to come. To quell your curiosity, we have a lot in common. We share the same values, interests, goals and more importantly a commitment to each other, our family and our future. I was working part-time and in college when we met. He was working two jobs. We leaned on each other during hard times, laughed and cried together. He encouraged me to finish school, when it seemed so unlikely. I was there for him when he was injured at work and laid off and through the death of family members. What possibly could he have seen in an 18 year old or I in a 36 year old? What we apparently did not see, was our ages. It was and is not important.

 

Now, almost 16 years later, he is a stay-at-home father and I hold a Masters and work full-time at an outstanding job. He is healthy as a horse and I am the one with the health problems. Who would have guessed? Life is just too unpredictable.

 

 

My parents had the same reaction as many of you. They could just not understand. They were horrified. They did not agree. By hanging onto that "social rule" and totally disregarding (and disrespecting) the individuals involved, their relationship with us is strained at best. We do what we can to maintain a positive relationship, but I cannot imagine my kids wanting to be close with people who "hate their dad and think their mom ruined her life".

It's not how large the age gap is, it's the fact that one is an adult and one is a child. What if the ages were 15 and 32, 14 and 31, 13 and 30?!? Where do you draw the line? Most of us are drawing it at 18.

[Aspasia]

Nope. Never.

 

My aunt married a man 20 years older than she was. But she was 22. They were very happy together, they raised 8 children, and were honestly a model of a respectful, loving marriage. Even their children can honestly say that these people were just a wonderful, in love couple. But he died a few years ago...because he was 83 years old. She is a pretty young widow and has a teenager with Downs that she is now caring for by herself. Those last few years of my uncle's life were so complicated for her--caring for her dying husband, WHILE caring for a relatively young child with Downs, WHILE parenting seven adult children AND trying to be involved in the lives of several grandchildren. It was rough. Still is. So while age may not really matter as far as being in love or being compatible goes, there are long-term issues to keep in mind, imho.

 

But just to be clear, never, ever okay for a child (which a 16-year-old is) to be dating a grown "man". Uh uh.

[Paige]

In this day and age it isn't just about the girl and the man. It's about families and parents that the individuals are forcing into a horrible situation. Do families condone the relationship which could be illegal, but at the best is socially unacceptable and makes them look irresponsible, or do they push the family member away? What about the older partner? It puts his employers and employees, friends, and family in an uncomfortable situation and hurts his reputation. Does the younger person realize what this relationship can do to the older person's life? Does the older person care what this will do to the younger person's family? Hiding and lying to avoid those issues do not make anything better.

 

I've btdt and as an adult, even if everything worked out in the best possible way for me, I do not think it was right to begin a relationship with an adult before becoming a legal adult. There's not much physically or even mentally different between 16 and 18, but legally there is- and that makes a big difference as to the potential consequences and risks involved. A year or two to wait seems huge when you are a teenager but adults should know that 2yrs is nothing.

[Kathryn]

I would imagine that the authors didn't think articles about the news of his tragic death were the time to start a debate/controversy over when/how he started dating his bereaved partner.

Actually, I noticed the ages and how long they had been together and went back to previous stories about him to see if it was true. Apparently, he was rumored to have become engaged to her in 2009 and there were lots of stories, and people still didn't seem all that shocked that he would have been dating her when she was 16 and he 33.

[AimeeM]

No. She isn't an adult. I can't even imagine what a 33 year old man would have in common with a girl halfway through high school.

Don't get me wrong - there's an over 15 year age difference between Tony and myself... but we met well into adulthood.

[AimeeM]

It's not how large the age gap is, it's the fact that one is an adult and one is a child. What if the ages were 15 and 32, 14 and 31, 13 and 30?!? Where do you draw the line? Most of us are drawing it at 18.

 

I can't like this enough. 16 and 33 isn't okay, just like my 12 year old dating a 29 year old isn't okay, for the exact reasons you stated - not so much the age gap as that one is a CHILD.

[Mrs Mungo]

Actually, I noticed the ages and how long they had been together and went back to previous stories about him to see if it was true. Apparently, he was rumored to have become engaged to her in 2009 and there were lots of stories, and people still didn't seem all that shocked that he would have been dating her when she was 16 and he 33.

Searching her name brings up quite a few stories that imply surprise, at least.

[AimeeM]

Yes, everyone becomes a mature adult at exactly 18 years old. When they are 17, we still parent them, at 18, it is all up to them. Why should we even look at our children on an individual basis? Someone already decided that at 16 everyone is a child, and at 18 everyone is an adult. How nifty

 

It has nothing to do with an 18 year old being a mature adult (most are not, in fact). I has everything to do with an 18 year old being allowed, legally, to make those decisions on their own.

[Flowing Brook]

Mary and Jospeh?

 

Not to start an argument but why do people always assume Joseph was so much older than Mary?  I've read nothing in the Bible that even hints that he was older than her.  Actually I've read nothing that indicates his age either way.

[AimeeM]

Age of consent by state:

 

http://www.webistry.net/jan/consent.html

nm

it was explained in the link

[Lanny]

No. Never. If that is not illegal it should be illegal. I am a man and the father of a DD. No way. Never...

[Joanne]

So many responses are sadly legalistic and ageist.

 

Interestingly, I think that by homeschooling, we are increasing our children's chances of marrying or being in a relationship with an older partner. My daughter's social circle is rich with people who share her hobbies and passions, most of them are not her age. I expect this to continue as she gets older as well.

 

Why all the focus on age, and why a 30 something man in a relationship with a 16 yo is gross by definition? One's character is one's character, and age doesn't matter. If a man is "marriage material," he'd be respectful and age doesn't matter. If anything, he'd be less impulsive. And if we think that every man is a pervert, then again, age doesn't matter.

It's not about being ageist.

 

It's that *developmentally* the gap between 16 and 33 is signficant - period. Much more so than the same number of years between a 30 and 47 year old.

 

It is so dramatic that I don't believe such an age difference can be without dysfunction at 16 and 33.

[LizzyBee]

I wouldn't be okay with it for my girls. But my mom was 17 and my dad was 30 when they got married, and they were married 52 years until my dad died. 

[Joanne]

Not to start an argument but why do people always assume Joseph was so much older than Mary?  I've read nothing in the Bible that even hints that he was older than her.  Actually I've read nothing that indicates his age either way.

 

He already had children, and it was common?

[Flowing Brook]

He already had children, and it was common?

 

Where did you get this info? He already had children I mean.

[LibraryLover]

No, I don't think it's okay. This reminds me of the time Jerry Seinfeld dated a 17yo when he was in his late 30's.

 

 

 

Are they not still married?

 

ETA: They never married. I don't know anything. lol 

 

 

 

[Kathryn]

Searching her name brings up quite a few stories that imply surprise, at least.

I didn't search her name. I came up with things like: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/05/jasmine-pilchard-gosnell_n_164404.html

[Mom23Boys]

I feel like all other things aside, it is unwise for an adult to begin a relationship with someone before they are "legal", unless there are just a few years separating them. For example I have no problem with an 18/16 relationship.

 

That a 33 year old would put himself in that position would make me suspicious of his maturity and level of wisdom. I don't think in this day and age and in our culture (the United States) 33/16 is ever okay. 35/18 would raise my eyebrows, but they are at least both legal adults.

[TrixieB]

What if genders were reversed?

 

Then it would be like Mary Kay Letourneau plus a couple of years.

 

[unsinkable]

Not to start an argument but why do people always assume Joseph was so much older than Mary? I've read nothing in the Bible that even hints that he was older than her. Actually I've read nothing that indicates his age either way.

Here's what I've always learned as a Catholic.

 

Not that you would start anything but It's not something I'll debate or defend. It is my personal belief and I know anyone else can take it or leave it.

 

http://www.catholic.com/tracts/mary-ever-virgin

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

Mary and Jospeh?

 

But Moses was 120.

Average life expectancy in first century Rome was 30ish.

Juliet was 13.

 

Numbers are a funny thing.

[mommymilkies]

It's not about it just being a "number".  There is a very real biological basis as to why this is a foul idea, and taboo in our society. The brain simply hasn't developed fully, and there is a very real power differential that puts the younger partner at a disadvantage. 

 

Some research:

 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1831928/

 

http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/3430402.html

 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2892678/

 

I'm not saying teens aren't able to be trusted.  I was a teen parent, myself.  But there are biological and social reasons why such an age differential can be a very dangerous thing. For everyone?  No, but for many, yes. 

[Kathryn]

http://hollywoodlife.com/2013/12/02/paul-walker-girlfriend-jasmine-pilchard-gosnell-reaction/

different article... http://hollywoodlife.com/2013/12/01/paul-walker-girlfriend-jasmine-pilchard-gosnell-upset-after-death/

 

The girl is now 23 years old and from the article I linked they say she collapsed when hearing the news. Regardless, of her age when they met/began dating, regardless of how he died...my heart goes out to those that are mourning the loss of a loved one. Rather than casting judgement on the man and on his life choices, my prayers are for him, his friend that died with him and their families and friends that are coping with their loss.

This thread is not about him dying or anyone's grief. It's not called "Paul Walker was dating a 16 year old" and I didn't even mention what made me think about it in the OP. I'm asking about people's thoughts on age differences and minors in relationships. If you want to talk about that guy and how great he is, start another thread.

[Kathryn]

So, back to the topic. I started dating DH when I was 16 and he was 19. I now think that was too much of a difference at that age. I can't imagine ever allowing my 16yo to be involved with someone twice their age, no matter how "mature" they were. I just don't see, in our society, that people that far apart in age and one being a minor have any business being together. And I do have family members who had a very similar scenario as in the OP. He was 37 with children 4-8 and she was 17 and in high school. They've been together for over twenty years now, but it still creeps me out.

[nd293]

I'm not sure why an age difference should matter at 16 and not at 25. There are plenty of immature 25 year olds around, and plenty of mature 16 year olds. There would be so many factors - age, common interests, maturity levels of both parties, family support.

 

A girl I was at primary school with ended up in a similar relationship. She was about 16 and on a cruise with her parents. She was a dancer, and struck up a friendship with one of the entertainers on the ship who I believe was in his 30s. As I heard the story he was upfront with her parents about his interest in her, and the relationship continued after she left the cruise . They did eventually get married.

[AimeeM]

I'm not sure why an age difference should matter at 16 and not at 25. There are plenty of immature 25 year olds around, and plenty of mature 16 year olds. There would be so many factors - age, common interests, maturity levels of both parties, family support.

 

A girl I was at primary school with ended up in a similar relationship. She was about 16 and on a cruise with her parents. She was a dancer, and struck up a friendship with one of the entertainers on the ship who I believe was in his 30s. As I heard the story he was upfront with her parents about his interest in her, and the relationship continued after she left the cruise . They did eventually get married.

Then it shouldn't matter at 12 and not 21. There are plenty of immature 21 year olds around, and plenty of mature 12 year olds. There would be so many factors - age, common interests, maturity levels of both parties, family support.

After all, not unlike your dancing friend hooking up with a similarly interested entertainer on board the ship, I know MANY grown men with a Dr. Who interest, not unlike my 12 year old daughter; I know many grown men who still enjoy Marvel comics, not unlike my 12 year old daughter. In fact, several of her male teachers share her interest and, heck, she's a mature kid!

Who am I to stop true love?

[Mrs Mungo]

A girl I was at primary school with ended up in a similar relationship. She was about 16 and on a cruise with her parents. She was a dancer, and struck up a friendship with one of the entertainers on the ship who I believe was in his 30s. As I heard the story he was upfront with her parents about his interest in her, and the relationship continued after she left the cruise . They did eventually get married.

 

 

[PaigeP]

You're describing my next door neighbors -- except she's 31 and he's 17.   

and their new baby arrived in August!

 

(and I'd SERIOUSLY rather have HoneyBooBoo et al  as neighbors than these crazies)

 

[MyThreeSons]

Just wondering what the Hive thinks. Is there ever a circumstance where this is okay?

 

My dh is 17 years older than I am. When we started dating, I was 23. 

 

When the girl is quite young (as in your example), or the guy is very old, it's a big deal.  In the middle years, it's not such a big deal.

[T'smom]

So, back to the topic. I started dating DH when I was 16 and he was 19. I now think that was too much of a difference at that age. I can't imagine ever allowing my 16yo to be involved with someone twice their age, no matter how "mature" they were. I just don't see, in our society, that people that far apart in age and one being a minor have any business being together. And I do have family members who had a very similar scenario as in the OP. He was 37 with children 4-8 and she was 17 and in high school. They've been together for over twenty years now, but it still creeps me out.

I dated a 16 year old guy when I was 19. I met him in a college class that he was taking for dual credit. It wasn't the best of ideas, but it wasn't the worst either. We were not, um, "active" but we probably would have been better off without each other. So we could have focused more on ourselves and our own lives instead of each other. But, try telling that to a teenager!!!

[swellmomma]

Nice.  Now the board moms have those images from us to contend with.  Yikes.

 

as long as the 2 of you are measuring height from floor and not length there are no images to contend with...

[Joanne]

It's not about it just being a "number".  There is a very real biological basis as to why this is a foul idea, and taboo in our society. The brain simply hasn't developed fully, and there is a very real power differential that puts the younger partner at a disadvantage. 

 

Some research:

 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1831928/

 

http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/3430402.html

 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2892678/

 

I'm not saying teens aren't able to be trusted.  I was a teen parent, myself.  But there are biological and social reasons why such an age differential can be a very dangerous thing. For everyone?  No, but for many, yes. 

Thank you. This is exactly why the sexual scandal of a past President was so egregious. The age difference was just one dramatic example of power differential. Add to that developmental realities. The President of the US contrast to *intern* is striking.

 

And, yes, I'd be as aghast if the genders were reversed. The only difference would be a female would not have the millenia of sanctioned, institutionalized and culturally supported power behind her.

 

A 16 year old woman in a 1st world culture in the 2000's does not have sufficient life experience to consent to a relationship with a grown man who is several developmental stages from the dramatic development of youth. The same girl at 26 is in a much better, more equal and more mature position to make actual choices should she consider a relationship with a 43 year old.

 

Both of my marriages had age differences (15 years) and as an 18 year old, I dated a much, much older man on and off throughout my college years.  He was not a predator, nefarious or a bad guy. Maybe it should not have been an automatic "no", but the age difference should have slowed us (him, in particular) down.

But our culture venerates and values youth - especially in women. That is a hard indoctrination to get away from.

 

The majority of men on dating sites seek women 15 years their junior up to (and often just less than) their own age.

[Jenny in Florida]

This is a tough question for me. I met my husband (who is only a couple of months older than I am) when we were in elementary school. Looking back, I can honestly say that the things that drew me to him then are the same things I love about him now. Obviously, we were both kids, and there was no significant "romantic" involvement at that point in our lives, but I more or less knew then that we would get married eventually.

 

It took a lot of years, and we broke up and came back together multiple times before finally marrying (each other) when we were almost 30. In the intervening years, I dated men who were anywhere from a couple of years younger to a couple of decades older than I was. I liked/loved each of them for who they were, not the birthdates on their IDs.

 

And I know for sure that it would not have mattered one bit if my husband had been 15 or 16 or 17 years older than I was and we had met when I was 16. I still would have known he was "the one."

 

So, I can't be as quick as others to dismiss the idea that this kind of age difference can be much less significant or creepy or wrong than it is being painted here.

[MamaBearTeacher]

Generally, I'd say it was a bad thing.  I did meet a couple though.  She was 16 and had left Europe to escape an abusive family.  He was about 30 and a lawyer and I'm not going to say he was immature because he was not but he seemed a little on the naive side.  She, on the other hand, seemed way beyond her years and they seemed like a sweet, loving couple.  I might think she might outgrow him with time. 

 

Some of you think that this age gap would be okay in some cultures where this is the norm, or in the past.  What about a reverse: 16-year old male, 35-year old female?  As far as I know, this is not common in any culture.  So, would this never be okay but the 16-year old female is okay in some cultures? 

 

As for the past President's scandal, I thought it was gross that she was a peer of his daughter.  It just made it extra wrong because he had a daughter of the same age pretty much. 

[Mrs Mungo]

Generally, I'd say it was a bad thing.  I did meet a couple though.  She was 16 and had left Europe to escape an abusive family.  He was about 30 and a lawyer and I'm not going to say he was immature because he was not but he seemed a little on the naive side.  She, on the other hand, seemed way beyond her years and they seemed like a sweet, loving couple.  I might think she might outgrow him with time. 

I think this does happen. I've especially seen it happen when the older partner was actually immature due to addiction. Addiction seems to sort of freeze people at a certain emotional age.

[Joanne]

I think this does happen. I've especially seen it happen when the older partner was actually immature due to addiction. Addiction seems to sort of freeze people at a certain emotional age.

 

 

Yes. And if the addict gets help, and gets well, THAT process often changes the relationship in ways that threaten the relationship.

[SKL]

I find it a bit disturbing to hear so many people describe 16yo girls as "a child" (one person even said "baby").  I also think it is strange to see people insisting that people who aren't in the "same place" must not date.  I also don't understand why people keep insisting that 16 is under the age of consent when, in most US states, it is not.

[Venia]

Then it shouldn't matter at 12 and not 21. There are plenty of immature 21 year olds around, and plenty of mature 12 year olds. There would be so many factors - age, common interests, maturity levels of both parties, family support.

After all, not unlike your dancing friend hooking up with a similarly interested entertainer on board the ship, I know MANY grown men with a Dr. Who interest, not unlike my 12 year old daughter; I know many grown men who still enjoy Marvel comics, not unlike my 12 year old daughter. In fact, several of her male teachers share her interest and, heck, she's a mature kid!

Who am I to stop true love?

I think comparing a 12 year old to 16 year old is a bit far fetched. Might as well make it a 10 or even a 5 year old or a baby. No one is arguing for p*dophilia here. Like many have stated, 16 is the legal age of consent in the vast majority of states. I would even argue that at age 16 you are legally able to drive and hold a full-time job, both being major benchmarks of maturity/adulthood. While I agree that 18 would be a better age to make that kind of decision on a relationship, I am simply arguing that in many ways a 16 year old is considered "old enough" to make a decision for themselves. That cannot be said of a 12 year old.

[Pod's mum]

After careful study, evolutionary biologists have found that the organ responsible for such decisions curiously lies 80-100 cm inferiorally to the cerebellum in the male to the species.  This genetic quirk has also been tangentially linked to comb-overs, attraction to large, noise-making machines, and the urge to invade and overthrow.

 

I was led to believe it involved twin organs; and when they were full, the brain was empty.  ??

 

I think they were trying to account for different torso lengths.

 

(I did have to get a meter stick out to confirm that one -- doesn't every HSer have one in the dining room corner?)

 

 

After some careful measuring, I must concede your original figures are pretty spot-on :D

 

Bill

 

 

as long as the 2 of you are measuring height from floor and not length there are no images to contend with...

Speak for yourself swellmomma. I got images.

 

Yep I will admit that having you two scurrying off to get the correct measurement of said appendages did make me wonder if there were 14 yo males hidden behind your avitars.

 

(Which is why I enjoy hanging around with blokes sometimes.)

[SKL]

 

Speak for yourself swellmomma. I got images.

 

Yep I will admit that having you two scurrying off to get the correct measurement of said appendages did make me wonder if there were 14 yo males hidden behind your avitars.

 

(Which is why I enjoy hanging around with blokes sometimes.)

 

nm

[Kathryn]

I think comparing a 12 year old to 16 year old is a bit far fetched. Might as well make it a 10 or even a 5 year old or a baby. No one is arguing for p*dophilia here. Like many have stated, 16 is the legal age of consent in the vast majority of states. I would even argue that at age 16 you are legally able to drive and hold a full-time job, both being major benchmarks of maturity/adulthood. While I agree that 18 would be a better age to make that kind of decision on a relationship, I am simply arguing that in many ways a 16 year old is considered "old enough" to make a decision for themselves. That cannot be said of a 12 year old.

Where do you draw the line though? According to Wikipedia, around the world consent laws currently vary between ages 12 and 21. So, you think saying a 12yo could consent is unreasonable, but somewhere else right now it is perfectly legal.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

I was led to believe it involved twin organs; and when they were full, the brain was empty. ??

 

 

 

 

 

Speak for yourself swellmomma. I got images.

 

Yep I will admit that having you two scurrying off to get the correct measurement of said appendages did make me wonder if there were 14 yo males hidden behind your avitars.

 

(Which is why I enjoy hanging around with blokes sometimes.)

Good heavens, woman. The measurements of which we speak are for torso length. I appreciate that we, as a nation, are out of step with the rest of civilized humanity's embrace of the rational metric system, but if 80-100 cm brought other appendages to mind, may I suggest trimming your viewing time of National Geographic speicials?

 

Your first point, however, on comparative capacities seems spot on.

[Joanne]

I think comparing a 12 year old to 16 year old is a bit far fetched. Might as well make it a 10 or even a 5 year old or a baby. No one is arguing for p*dophilia here. Like many have stated, 16 is the legal age of consent in the vast majority of states. I would even argue that at age 16 you are legally able to drive and hold a full-time job, both being major benchmarks of maturity/adulthood. While I agree that 18 would be a better age to make that kind of decision on a relationship, I am simply arguing that in many ways a 16 year old is considered "old enough" to make a decision for themselves. That cannot be said of a 12 year old.

 

This supports the point. The *developmental* differences in the earlier years are significant. 12 seems outrageous to you - but not 16? A mere 4 years is major, but 17 between a 16 year old and 33 year old is not?

[Kathryn]

Age of consent by state:

 

http://www.webistry.net/jan/consent.html

I wouldn't call this correct as it doesn't specify that some of the ages listed are not the age of consent but those who can be exempt from the age of consent for some reason. For instance, it says 14 for Hawaii, but elsewhere I read that the age of consent is 16 but with a close-in-age exemption for 14-15yos with a partner less than 5years older.

[SKL]

This supports the point. The *developmental* differences in the earlier years are significant. 12 seems outrageous to you - but not 16? A mere 4 years is major, but 17 between a 16 year old and 33 year old is not?

 

The difference between 12 and 16 is that a 12yo is just entering puberty, almost certainly too immature to make permanent life decisions, and under the age of consent.  16yo is 33% older.  16yo often does just about everything an 18yo does other than vote.  16yo is normal childbearing age historically.  12yo is not.  Especially not in our culture where there are essentially no child marriages (since I don't call a 16yo a child).

 

The difference between 12 and 16 has nothing to do with whether the other party is 2 or 20 years older.

 

There are 16yos who are not mature enough to decide things about their future.  And, there are 18yos, and 25yos, and 33yos who behave with no more maturity / responsibility.  When I was 16 I was a heck of a lot more mature/responsible than my 35yo step-nieces are today.  If I wanted to talk to a 33yo to see if he was worth my time as a future potential love interest, that is nobody else's business.

 

I always gravitated toward older guys.  The folks I had intellectual chemistry with ranged from 3.5 to 18 years my senior.  None of them were exactly in the "same place" I was in; apparently I was not interested in dating / marrying someone just like myself.  (Those who were closest to my age were foreigners from very different cultures.)

[Guest submarines]

This supports the point. The *developmental* differences in the earlier years are significant. 12 seems outrageous to you - but not 16? A mere 4 years is major, but 17 between a 16 year old and 33 year old is not?

 

Yep. The 4 years between 12 and 16 is major in terms of developmental differences, while the difference between a 16 year old and a 33 year old can be qualitatively significantly smaller.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

Yeah, when I was dating I was always surprised at how interested some guys are in how theirs compares (size-wise, performance-wise) to everyone else's. As a woman I have never wondered about this. Whatever.

I'm sorry, it would seem the whole point and tone of those posts just flew waaaaaay up and over the rafters for you. Yes. It was all really just us comparing package size. Of course it was.

[Guest submarines]

I find it a bit disturbing to hear so many people describe 16yo girls as "a child" (one person even said "baby").  I also think it is strange to see people insisting that people who aren't in the "same place" must not date.  I also don't understand why people keep insisting that 16 is under the age of consent when, in most US states, it is not.

 

It is absolutely alarming how many here, and in our culture in general, refer to 16 yo as children. On the other hand, maybe the 16 year olds raised by such parents *are* being raised to be helpless children at 16 and 18, and 21. This is an interesting read: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Mickey-goodman/are-we-raising-a-generati_b_1249706.html

 

I know an 18 yo university student whose parents help him with homework every night, and call his professors when they think his papers are graded unfairly.

 

And there are children like this 13 year old TED presenter:

[mommymilkies]

Yep. The 4 years between 12 and 16 is major in terms of developmental differences, while the difference between a 16 year old and a 33 year old can be qualitatively significantly smaller.

Not according to neurobiology.