If you don't drink alcohol, do you allow

[KungFuPanda]

Perhaps a second reading of the post is called for. She gave her own children the jello shots that were left over from a party last month. Not that she gave a bunch of children at her kid's birthday party jello shots.

 

One can legally give alcohol to one's own children in some instances. (Although I'm not sure how old that chart is.)

I COMPLETELY misread that. I thought she was giving a party of 14-year-olds the leftover shots!

[Haiku]

I feel too impaired to drive after one, unless a good amount of time has passed.

And that is exactly what is missing from the argument that one drink is too many, always: the ability for people to make their own decisions about whether they can safely drink and drive. Many people can safely drive after one drink, so the idea that those who drive after just one drink are unsafe and irresponsible is very judgmental and not borne out by evidence.

 

FTR, I don't pound a pint of 10% ABV beer and rush out to drive. I drink with food and hang out for a while.

[Prairie~Phlox]

I only gave MY kids jello shots, my nephew was the inly other person in our house & he's 22. The shots were from an adult party that my husband and I originally went to (no kids). We usually will give them a sip of whatever as a "taste" not enough to even do anything.

[unfrumpable.]

I've had jello shots one time many years ago. My friend, who I hadn't talked to in years and caught up with on FB, told me that she still has the VHS tape from that night. Really. I was hoping it had been lost! lol

[Joanne]

And that is exactly what is missing from the argument that one drink is too many, always: the ability for people to make their own decisions about whether they can safely drink and drive. Many people can safely drive after one drink, so the idea that those who drive after just one drink are unsafe and irresponsible is very judgmental and not borne out by evidence.

 

FTR, I don't pound a pint of 10% ABV beer and rush out to drive. I drink with food and hang out for a while.

No one in this thread asserted that one drink makes a person unsafe or irresponsible to drive.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

No one in this thread asserted that one drink makes a person unsafe or irresponsible to drive.

 

I did.  I won't drive after one drink.  That's just my brain/body.  Your mileage may vary.

[LucyStoner]

My husband is in the one and done catagory. He has a low tolerance for alcohol. It takes a long time to wear off for him so he doesn't drive on a night he's had more than a sip to drink. I can have 1-2 drinks, eat and wait an hour or two and be totally fine to drive. Though usually I do not drive after drinking because I am most likely at home and not out. I am not paying $10 a drink out. ;)

[Mom in High Heels]

Perhaps a second reading of the post is called for.  She gave her own children the jello shots that were left over from a party last month. Not that she gave a bunch of children at her kid's birthday party jello shots.

 

One can legally give alcohol to one's own children in some instances. (Although I'm not sure how old that chart is.)

 

Well, looks like I'm not doing anything illegal then when I let Indy sample my wine.

 

And that is exactly what is missing from the argument that one drink is too many, always: the ability for people to make their own decisions about whether they can safely drink and drive. Many people can safely drive after one drink, so the idea that those who drive after just one drink are unsafe and irresponsible is very judgmental and not borne out by evidence.

 

FTR, I don't pound a pint of 10% ABV beer and rush out to drive. I drink with food and hang out for a while.

 

I never have more than one drink when I'm out, because I know that one drink is all I can tolerate.  I have had a margarita or peach daiquiri (YUM) that have been too strong, and I've had James Bond drive instead.  I know my tolerance level.  As a general rule, I now ask for half the alcohol in mixed drinks.  While wine doesn't bother me, there's something about mixed drinks that hit me harder. 

 

 

I did figure as much.

 

FWIW..I'm not phased in the slightest. 

 

I've never had a Jello shot.  I guess because for one thing I don't like Jello.  LOL

 

Well, I've had my share and yours of Jello shots, so you're all good.  I can't tell you how many times I got blitzed in college due to their delicious evilness. 

We always had them in the fridge of our dorm (we made them in ice cube trays), for emergency parties.  You never knew when those were going to break out!

[*Lulu*]

Forget Jell-O shots, drunk gummy bears are what you need!

[Mom in High Heels]

Forget Jell-O shots, drunk gummy bears are what you need!

 

OMG, I forgot about these!!!  Yummy!

 

Also, drunk watermelon.  Watermelon balls covered in Prosecco or Champagne for a few hours, then drained.  Delicious!!!!

[Dandelion]

Forget Jell-O shots, drunk gummy bears are what you need!

 

I finally have some time to catch up on this thread.  Still haven't read all of the replies. But I must ask: how did a thread addressed to people who don't drink get on the topic of jello shots?  Maybe I do have something of value to contribute here.    :D

 

My take?  Jello shots and drunk gummy bears are fun, but if you have to take your liquor with candy, maybe you ought to stick with wine spritzers. Just sayin'.   :tongue_smilie:

 

OP - I have a wine rack in my kitchen, and I enjoy a glass of wine most evenings.  I'm a perfectly responsible person and kids who come over to our house for playdates are 100% safe and are not exposed to alcohol (other than seeing the wine rack).  Personally, I think it's better to teach your kids how to handle situations that might come up (e.g. being exposed to alcohol in someone else's home) rather than trying to shelter them from all possible exposure.  Sheltering tends to produce kids who are wholly unprepared to deal with complex situations when they do eventually arise. 

[kubiac]

For anyone still reading, I would recommend talking to your children about how you and your spouse judge/categorize the drinking spectrum. What do you consider social drinking? What qualifies as "alcoholic"? Why do some people consider alcohol a valuable "social lubricant"? Could they have a point? What about people who consider drinking alcohol a necessary part of good eating? What does "too much" feel like? What does "too much" look like, both on any given night and over a lifetime? How do you know when to say when?

 

I grew up in a home where parents were occasional drinkers, sometimes wine with dinner, sometimes a beer while watching a football game. But we never talked about any of this, and I generally was a strict "rule follower" so it didn't occur to me to try drinking at all as a kid. But then I got to college and my 20s and I didn't really know how to judge the spectrum between absolutely nothing ever and red-faced chronic alcoholic passed out in the supermarket parking lot.

 

The whole topic of "what to do about drinking" was befuddling to me, and I wish I'd had more guidance from my parents on drinking, specifically about where they recommended I fall (as an adult) between "never ever ever, not even once" and "chugging from rubbing alcohol in the bathroom."

 

I personally think I was led to believe that, generally speaking, ALCOHOL IS BAD, but in my old age, I see that it has quite a few positive attributes as well, and I didn't have a good sense of that balance as a kid.

 

(Full disclosure of drinking habits in case that helps judge the aforegoing statement: I now drink a glass or two of wine when out for dinner with girlfriends or the husband, no more than once a month. And sometimes I'll take the edge off a long week or a long day with a beer, but generally my drug of choice is caffeine!)

 

Edited to add: There's no alcoholism anywhere in either of our family trees, and both DH and I are anxious/neurotic enough that 1 glass of something has turned out to be a huge help to both of us in enjoying parties/life.

[Ipsey]

For anyone still reading, I would recommend talking to your children about how you and your spouse judge/categorize the drinking spectrum. What do you consider social drinking? What qualifies as "alcoholic"? Why do some people consider alcohol a valuable "social lubricant"? Could they have a point? What about people who consider drinking alcohol a necessary part of good eating? What does "too much" feel like? What does "too much" look like, both on any given night and over a lifetime? How do you know when to say when?

 

I grew up in a home where parents were occasional drinkers, sometimes wine with dinner, sometimes a beer while watching a football game. But we never talked about any of this, and I generally was a strict "rule follower" so it didn't occur to me to try drinking at all as a kid. But then I got to college and my 20s and I didn't really know how to judge the spectrum between absolutely nothing ever and red-faced chronic alcoholic passed out in the supermarket parking lot.

 

The whole topic of "what to do about drinking" was befuddling to me, and I wish I'd had more guidance from my parents on drinking, specifically about where they recommended I fall (as an adult) between "never ever ever, not even once" and "chugging from rubbing alcohol in the bathroom."

 

I personally think I was led to believe that, generally speaking, ALCOHOL IS BAD, but in my old age, I see that it has quite a few positive attributes as well, and I didn't have a good sense of that balance as a kid.

 

(Full disclosure of drinking habits in case that helps judge the aforegoing statement: I now drink a glass or two of wine when out for dinner with girlfriends or the husband, no more than once a month. And sometimes I'll take the edge off a long week or a long day with a beer, but generally my drug of choice is caffeine!)

 

Adding to the already-long thread here.

 

Yes, I think education is key.

 

An acquaintance (friend, maybe?) of mine, and the mother of my daughter's best friend is an alcoholic. She serving time in jail right now for drunk driving. It's just enough to make you  heart sick.

 

DD is 12.

 

My husband sometimes has a glass of wine (1) or a beer (1) with dinner. Perhaps 3 or 4 times a month, and when my daughter realized my husband drank, it upset her greatly. She was about 10 when we met her best friend, and DD learned about the mother's alcoholism.

 

This is what helped us to have our best conversations about alcohol, unfortunately. My daughter became terrified that my husband was an alcoholic. We did a lot of talking and a lot of listening. My daughter still swears she will never touch alcohol (though, when she was in France last year with her aunt, she did try a peach infused white wine. "One sip! It was awful!").  We reminded her that we often see people drinking at parties and at our family gatherings, and she started taking more notice and realizing that drinking did not equal drunkenness. 

 

Just letting our children be aware of the wide range of experiences, I think, is very important. It's not a good idea to cast anything in only its absolutely worst (or absolutely best) incarnation. There's a much broader range that's in the middle.

 

Blah, sorry if I'm just going on and on. I just send friend's mom a letter, so she's on my mind.

[ktgrok]

There is some very alarming information present in this thread regarding alcohol and alcoholism.

 

Alcoholism is a disease: scientifically proven. The body (brain) of an alcoholic literally CRAVES more alcohol. This does not happen in a "normal" drinker. Certainly some life contexts and developmental stages include over consumption but unless the body of he person has the disease of alcoholism, they won't become alcoholic.

 

Modeling responsible drinking may impact drinkers who may over consume, but it won't change the biological response of the bodies prone to the disease of alcoholism.

 

It's true that early first use is correlated with higher stats of problem drinking. And teen brains are literally more vulnerable. A teen who starts drinking can develop a problem in 2 to 4 years whereas a adult/developed brain can take 5 to 7 years.

 

Most people use alcohol responsibly and moderately without risk of alcoholism. If a body is at risk, no amount of lectures, talks, or moderation will change the physical response on a that person does drink.

 

Much of this thread still belies character, moral and lifestyle issues as the risk factors - an outdated, stigmatized and scientifically inaccurate perspective.

 

Modeling good social norms when drinking may not effect alcoholism, but I think it WILL impact the chances of significant binge drinking, which is a whole other ball of wax. I think having a kid's introduction to alcohol be in the home, seeing a parent have one or two drinks over the course of several hours, is much better than having their only knowledge of drinking be college students getting drunk every time they drink.

[Joanne]

Modeling good social norms when drinking may not effect alcoholism, but I think it WILL impact the chances of significant binge drinking, which is a whole other ball of wax. I think having a kid's introduction to alcohol be in the home, seeing a parent have one or two drinks over the course of several hours, is much better than having their only knowledge of drinking be college students getting drunk every time they drink.

Totally agree.

 

I was replying to the idea in the thread where parents are concerned about genetic predisposition and that disallowing it will impact the risk.

[ktgrok]

We went to an 8 year olds bday party. Several of the parents were drinking quite a bit. It really bugged me. We don't drink and I didn't like the easy access to it. I was surprised at the alcohol because the host parents themselves don't drink. But they provided drinks for everyone else.

We wouldn't send our kids to someone's house alone if I knew there was access to alcohol in the home. I'm just not comfortable. Also my kids have extreme wheat allergies and that's where beer comes from...lol. So we avoid it for that reason as well. So the empty beer bottles sitting around made me nuts because of our allergies.

 

Do you also not send your children to houses where there is bread in the house?

[ktgrok]

For me, it is more about 1) not considering drinking alcohol and being able to 'hold your liquor'  a sign of manhood and 2) knowing how to socialize without needing to become wasted. Or even needing to have an alcoholic bev in hand.  Kind of like those scenes in Gatsby, where the hollowness of the party is exposed...the point to the child being that time is valuable and you get to choose how to spend your life.  I've chosen not to spend it watching drunks. Shrug. Each to his own.

 

Wait, are you saying that having a drink with dinner, or at a party, makes one a  drunk? That someone that likes to have a beer or drink while at dinner with friends is incapable of socializing without a drink? Heck,if I didn't get enough practice learning to socialize without driking by the time I was 21, or during my pregnancies, I don't think I will ever learn. And if I'm a drunk, I'm REALLY upset, cause I should be having a LOT more to drink!

[JennyD]

And that is exactly what is missing from the argument that one drink is too many, always: the ability for people to make their own decisions about whether they can safely drink and drive. Many people can safely drive after one drink, so the idea that those who drive after just one drink are unsafe and irresponsible is very judgmental and not borne out by evidence.

 

FTR, I don't pound a pint of 10% ABV beer and rush out to drive. I drink with food and hang out for a while.

 

This is getting a little off-topic, but I recently read a very interesting book about the history of drunk driving in the US.  (Barron Lerner, One for the Road: Drunk Driving in the US Since 1900 (Johns Hopkins Press, 2011)).   He opens the book by suggesting that readers buy a Breathalyzer on amazon, drink up to the legal limit of 0.08%  and see how they feel.  I don't drink and wasn't inclined to try this experiment, but according to him, you will feel very buzzed and definitely impaired.  

 

The bulk of the book is devoted to tracing the history of drunk driving as an interest of public concern and the consistent ambivalence about defining and controlling the problem.    However, the last chapter analyzes the present situation, in which the reduction of alcohol-related traffic fatalities seems to have reached a plateau of about 15,000 per year.  According to him, the current research suggests that the risk of crashes increases at 0.05%BAC, which might, in fact, be one drink for some -- not all -- women.  So one drink may well not be enough to impair you, but the notion that it impairs some people is apparently not made up out of whole cloth, either. (Unfortunately, I already returned the book to the library, so I cannot give you the specific studies he cites, but if you're interested in the subject I really do recommend the book.  It's quite well-done, and surprisingly readable for an academic work.)

 

I will say that after reading this, I decided that I am never ever again going to get into a car -- or let my kids get into a car -- with anyone who has been drinking at all.    I honestly had no idea that the legal limit was so far off the point of actual impairment.

[Spy Car]

We went to an 8 year olds bday party. Several of the parents were drinking quite a bit. It really bugged me. We don't drink and I didn't like the easy access to it. I was surprised at the alcohol because the host parents themselves don't drink. But they provided drinks for everyone else.

We wouldn't send our kids to someone's house alone if I knew there was access to alcohol in the home. I'm just not comfortable. Also my kids have extreme wheat allergies and that's where beer comes from...lol. So we avoid it for that reason as well. So the empty beer bottles sitting around made me nuts because of our allergies.

 

Actually beer comes from (malted) barley, not wheat*. So unless they are allergic to both grains beer might not be the problem you expect it is.

 

Bill

 

* there are some speciality "wheat beers" like Hefeweizen, but these are a deviation from classic "beer."

[WishboneDawn]

OP - I've, read the thread and I just want you to know that if a good friend asked my husband and I not to drink and not to have any alcohol out while her children were here, we'd have no issues with it.

I certainly wouldn't be offended or put out in any way.

That's part and parcel of being good friends.

[mom31257]

OP - I've, read the thread and I just want you to know that if a good friend asked my husband and I not to drink and not to have any alcohol out while her children were here, we'd have no issues with it.

I certainly wouldn't be offended or put out in any way.

That's part and parcel of being good friends.

 

I would have no problem respecting any of my friend's requests regarding things about their children while they were in my home, either. Friends should respect each other's feelings and differences. I know that goes both ways, too, though. 

[Laura Corin]

I would have no problem respecting any of my friend's requests regarding things about their children while they were in my home, either. Friends should respect each other's feelings and differences. I know that goes both ways, too, though. 

 

Where are the lines drawn though?  For example: I wouldn't expect a Christian family to abstain from saying grace, just because my non-Christian son was sharing the meal.  I would expect that my son would not be forced to speak the grace, but that he should sit respectfully while it took place.

 

In the same way, I would not expect to leave off having an evening drink because there was a child from a non-drinking family in the house.  I would expect that child to be respectful of my family's choices, so long as participation was not forced on him.

 

L

[ktgrok]

I might avoid drinking if you asked me too, I'm sure I would. But I would no longer ask your child over during get togethers with family, etc, as there will always be wine/beer at those events in my extended family. No one gets drunk by any means, but it is the family culture. My mom's mom grew up in France, and raised my mom similarly, who raised me similarly. 

 

Also, I would NOT "lock up" my wine/beer/etc for you. That's over the top, and I don't have the ability to do so, and I am not going to move everything out to the trunk of my car or something. So, yeah. Guns, those are locked up securely, with 8 digit combination locks that will shut down if you put the wrong code in 3 times. Wine? No. I mean, heck, ever try to get a wine bottle open? It isn't something a kid can do very easily, and they can't fit a bottle up their sleeve or something! I suppose they could sneak beer into the bathroom or whatever, but if your kid is likely to steal my beer and chug it in the bathroom during a playdate you probably have bigger issues. 

 

edited to add:

 

The more I think about it, the more I think that you might be able to ask them not to drink, if you did it in the right way. If you said, "My family has some pretty strict policies on alcohol right now, due to some family circumstances, and although I have nothing against adults drinking, for personal reasons I'm trying to keep my kids away from any drinking right now. I know that is a bit out of left field, but if  possible, I'd like to continue that when they are at your house. So, if you could let me know if there will be alcohol at an event, I'll just pick up before then, or not bring him right then. Would that be ok? I know it's a lot to ask."

 

Now, that won't address the issue of having wine out in a wine rack, beer in the fridge. Honestly...that I think you either need to get over, or only allow your children to go to people who share your beliefs. People are not going to lock up their wine or what not for you. But if you can trust your kids not to access it, I think you could have a compromise here.