Soror Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I'm on FB now as a group I am a part of is using it for communication. I've found it positive in some ways but not so much in others. I'm more an introvert and there are very few people that I want to share much with, it is so bizarre to me to be so informed on the details of people whom are acquaintances. I tried to turn off all updates from people other than my close friends but it is still showing them on my home page. Also, do you ignore friend requests. I feel bad about it but I just don't want to add anyone more. I think I've just turned on email notifications so I don't feel the need to go and check as it seems an ideal way to contact people easily and I want to make sure I know when I receive messages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I am not sure what you mean by their updates showing up on your home page. Nothing should show up there except your own posts and anything where you were tagged. Ignore friend requests if you want. If someone asks you about it just say you keep your friends list very short. I have some foul mouthed relatives.....I don't want to unfriend them so I just turn off the "show in news feed". I had one cousin who cursed ( he wasn't being mean...just used foul language) on one of my posts. I deleted the comment and sent him a message that said, hi cousin, I keep my page clean, thanks. I like keeping up with my friends and relatives in this way. But I don't post near the details they do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 If you don't want to see updates on a specific person, you can hover over the top right corner of their post and click the x that appears. That will allow you to choose to hide updates from that person. However, you can also scroll through quickly and just look at the ones that you want to see. No one expects anyone to post specifics of their lives. Some people enjoy the social aspect. You can ignore friend requests. Most people will forget they sent one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I only use FB for the groups. Unfriend everyone if that's how you want to use FB. Don't worry about hurting their feelings; you need to make FB work for you, not be at its beck and call. Just tell anyone who asks, "I'm only using FB for the groups, so I'm not friending anyone. Please don't take it personally." You could also give yourself a different name so people can't find you with your real name (I use a username that I use elsewhere online that is actually part of my name, but not my legal first and last name). But that's not as necessary if you take the above steps. Also, just never post anything on your feed (no one's there to read it anyway if you have no friends). Oh, I also use FB as a place to store some certain photos and files for our homeschool (rather than saving them solely on my computer). I don't go overboard just in case I ever run out of room (they don't have a set policy on that that I'm aware of, but there have been rumblings that they may start limiting how many photos one can save). HTH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I'm part of a couple of groups that are set to email me with new posts, I almost never read my regular Facebook feed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyDay Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I rarely post anything on my newsfeed. Basically, I use it to keep up with local groups who only use FB for announcements and friends who live either out of state or out of the country. I do chat occasionaly with a local friend. I keep my friend's list small, delete anything I don't want to see, and limit my time/use of it. It is a tool, not a toy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Idk for you... For me? I treat my FB like my front door or telephone. Just because someone "rings", doesn't mean I have to answer. And not answering doesn't mean I think they are awful people or I don't like them. It means I have other priorities at the time. My FB really doesn't ever get toxic. I do have some more serious discussions with some of my friends there, but they are okay with that. The ones that aren't, usually don't participate and it's not like I would go to their FB page and start a contentious discussion. Also, what are you calling toxic? It can vary widely. For example, I don't think reading mundane posts of an acquaintance to be toxic. But it sounds like you do. Scarlett might be shocked by my FB feed at times bc occassionally there is mild epithets. (If course mild is also up to debate.) For me, toxic means I feel uncomfortable posting on my own wall or reading my feed. The few times that's happened, I deleted friends that made me feel that way bc to my mind, that's not a very friendly situation. I rarely do FB groups. I hate the set up of them compared to message boards and I really really hate using them as a means of communication. I think I'm in one group and I'm not very active on it at all. I would not have joined a group for a means of communication. If at all possible I refuse to sign up for anything these days. I give email or nothing and tend to think if that isn't enough that the function just isn't for me. So I guess my advice is to make your FB comfy for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted October 23, 2013 Author Share Posted October 23, 2013 There have been a few comments re: pagan practices. I'm the only Catholic. I don't think it is accidental. I'm pretty sure the intention and I don't care to get into discussions. I'm also in the middle of a really, really evangelical super conservative area. I'm not generally the same brand of conservative. You know all the things that get talked about as crazy conspiracy theories here, well they are all facts in my world. I need to not know so much about people so I can still like them. We are acquaintances and not friends, well I have a few real friends but of course they are not an issue. I don't have a burning desire to try and set right everyone I disagree with as that would not be fruitful or beneficial. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I suggest turning off updates from anyone when/if they post things (more than just one time or one day) that are annoying or that for any other reason just make you unhappy. I accept friend requests from pretty much anyone I know in real life (unless they were icky, but that hasn't happened). If they are acquaintances, I mark them as such and facebook keeps them out of my newsfeed. I never accept requests from names I don't know or distant highschool acquaintances, etc. I don't want 5000 friends! (I think I have under 200.) During political seasons, I have "screened" (removed from my newsfeed) a handful of people. I am sure I've been screened from many newsfeeds and even unfriended b/c I do tend to get hot politically. There is one woman from childhood who is annoying, so I've also blocked her, but I feel too sorry for her to unfriend her. For posting, I suggest avoiding politics and religion if you want to have a really warm and fuzzy fb life. I personally don't do that, lol, but that means that my fb relationships are 95% with people who agree with my politics (or are totally apolitical and don't care) and a few hardy souls who are mature enough to ignore my provocation (and I do likewise for them). One to three posts per week is probably ideal, IMHO, but I am personally erratic, posting thrice in a day sometimes or not at all for weeks. I have a very untoxic facebook experience. I am not sure why my experience is 99% positive when so many have "toxic" experiences. I hope my suggestions help your experience be good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Ignore friend requests. There are trolls out there who will befriend anyone. Don't worry about not "friending" real-life people as well. I've never had anyone approach me asking why I hadn't "friended" them on Facebook. I "unfriend" anyone who posts controversial comments on my page or says impolite things often. Over time, you develop Facebook blindness. I skim over political and religious posts plus the constant life updates "At Starbucks! Pumpkin Spice FTW!" or "Ran 15 miles in the freezing rain! #crazy #fitnessfanatic #livingthelife." By skipping the annoying stuff, I can enjoy friends' marriages, births, new jobs, moves, etc. I can reach out during life's difficulties, like deaths, relationships, job losses, surgeries. I am also able to keep in touch with old friends; I haven't talked face-to-face to many high school friends in years, but we exchange messages weekly on Facebook. Since I don't let myself get dragged into the drama, I enjoy Facebook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 If people are posting things you don't want to see, unfriend them or hide their statuses. I know exactly what you mean. I had to hide a few people during election season so that I could still like them! I love Facebook, though. 99% of my friends post cute stories/pictures of their kids. A couple people who have tragic things happening right now are using fb to keep people updated so people can pray for them or know what kind of help they need. But I have no problem deleting people who post stupid things that I don't want to read! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I use FB for the groups. It's my Happy Place. I don't reply to friend requests I don't want to accept. It's not like they get a notice every day that says, "Hey! albeto is still ignoring you!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Idk for you... For me? I treat my FB like my front door or telephone. Just because someone "rings", doesn't mean I have to answer. And not answering doesn't mean I think they are awful people or I don't like them. It means I have other priorities at the time. My FB really doesn't ever get toxic. I do have some more serious discussions with some of my friends there, but they are okay with that. The ones that aren't, usually don't participate and it's not like I would go to their FB page and start a contentious discussion. Also, what are you calling toxic? It can vary widely. For example, I don't think reading mundane posts of an acquaintance to be toxic. But it sounds like you do. Scarlett might be shocked by my FB feed at times bc occassionally there is mild epithets. (If course mild is also up to debate.) For me, toxic means I feel uncomfortable posting on my own wall or reading my feed. The few times that's happened, I deleted friends that made me feel that way bc to my mind, that's not a very friendly situation. I rarely do FB groups. I hate the set up of them compared to message boards and I really really hate using them as a means of communication. I think I'm in one group and I'm not very active on it at all. I would not have joined a group for a means of communication. If at all possible I refuse to sign up for anything these days. I give email or nothing and tend to think if that isn't enough that the function just isn't for me. So I guess my advice is to make your FB comfy for you. What do you mean toxic to you is when you feel uncomfortable posting on your own wall or reading your feed? Because something someone writes is offensive or one of your friends is offended by what you post? Oh, I'm not overly offended by what people put on their own wall or that shows up in my news feed. But I keep my own page free of cursing. The people that I take off my feed are REALLY foul mouthed people who I am only associated with because we are family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 There have been a few comments re: pagan practices. I'm the only Catholic. I don't think it is accidental. I'm pretty sure the intention and I don't care to get into discussions. I'm also in the middle of a really, really evangelical super conservative area. I'm not generally the same brand of conservative. You know all the things that get talked about as crazy conspiracy theories here, well they are all facts in my world. I need to not know so much about people so I can still like them. We are acquaintances and not friends, well I have a few real friends but of course they are not an issue. I don't have a burning desire to try and set right everyone I disagree with as that would not be fruitful or beneficial. I don't understand....? You are the only Catholic? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted October 23, 2013 Author Share Posted October 23, 2013 Yes, in my group and circle of friends. As far as I know I'm the only Catholic hs'er in this county. I tried to write off one comment but asked my friend(who is not Catholic) who is never offended by anything and she read it just as I did that it was a jab at Catholicism. As to the political rants I would guess that most assume that everyone agrees with them. Those things aren't as offensive but I still don't want to read them. As I said I will like people more the less I know about them :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I closed my large FB account where I was friends with people from work and college and wherever and opened a new one with just people who: - I am related to and would see IRL, even if I don't very often. So yes cousins who live around the globe but I only see at funerals and when traveling for something else and no mean nasty aunt who I prefer to just ignore entirely. FB is how we keep track of our growing families and stay connected as a flung far and wide large family. -Friends who I see somewhat often IRL or who I WOULD see IRL if they didn't live far. Often there are invites and other things done via Facebook. -People I see rarely but who were once extremely close due to our small high school. These folks use FB for the odd reunion, an alumni group and a page memorializing a deceased friend. People post old pictures and share remember whens etc. This allows me to use FB in a way which is beneficial to my social life and not an exercise in overly casual, unmeaningful connections. I participate in a local homeschooling group there but I don't friend people unless they become close. It does make you a bit invisible because the more friends you have the more often your content shows up. But so long as you don't care about that, this is a great, social way to use FB. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I use FB mostly for groups and family. I add acquaintances and if they post too many dumb things I just remove them. For instance, if I Snopes someone more than 5 times I am probably going to remove them. I have removed people from both sides of the political aisle for being obnoxious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 What do you mean toxic to you is when you feel uncomfortable posting on your own wall or reading your feed? Because something someone writes is offensive or one of your friends is offended by what you post? I mean when I find myself hesitating to post or comment bc I don't feel comfortable with the response I might get. They don't have to like anything I post. They can even discuss it with me. But if they are going to not be friendly? (Such as being called a cathlitard for example.) Nope. Unfriended. I unfriended someone because they implied to others that they felt my FB statuses showed I wasn't attending mass. It happened I had sick kids and a broken van tynsvm. Their response was, "Well you didn't mention that on FB." What the what? I don't mention the majority of things going on in my life on the Internet in general and don't owe doing that to anyone. Unfriended. Basically if I find myself thinking maybe I shouldn't post something? I think why is that? And if the answer is that I'm worried someone will think badly of me for it - maybe instead I need to rethink why I have them on my friend list. Sometimes I'm just being over sensitive. But sometimes it's meant they just weren't friendlies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Yes, in my group and circle of friends. As far as I know I'm the only Catholic hs'er in this county. I tried to write off one comment but asked my friend(who is not Catholic) who is never offended by anything and she read it just as I did that it was a jab at Catholicism. As to the political rants I would guess that most assume that everyone agrees with them. Those things aren't as offensive but I still don't want to read them. As I said I will like people more the less I know about them :) My FB is split about 50/50 catholic/not catholic. Not catholic being Protestant, atheist, Wiccan, and the obligatory other. If someone posts something outright bashing Catholics, home schooling, large families ... I have no problem pointing it out and the lack of logic of it to them. I would have a very difficult time being friends with people who don't value discussion. I take a different tack. Not being able to really know them makes it a rather superficial friendship. It takes a lot of time and energy to cultivate and maintain friendships and I don't have enough of either to spare on superficial ones. I'd unfriend them if the majority of their posts are that troubling to maintaining the friendship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I'm on FB now as a group I am a part of is using it for communication. I've found it positive in some ways but not so much in others. I'm more an introvert and there are very few people that I want to share much with, it is so bizarre to me to be so informed on the details of people whom are acquaintances. I tried to turn off all updates from people other than my close friends but it is still showing them on my home page. Also, do you ignore friend requests. I feel bad about it but I just don't want to add anyone more. I think I've just turned on email notifications so I don't feel the need to go and check as it seems an ideal way to contact people easily and I want to make sure I know when I receive messages. Instead of just turning off updates, you can 'hide' the person altogether. You are still friends with them, but you don't have to see any of their stuff on your news feed. You will see their activity (comments, etc) on other posts but not their stuff in your news feed. (I have done this with several people who just annoy me. :lol: ) Yep, I ignore/decline friend requests often. Granted, most of the people on there that I know I'm already friends with - so the friend requests are either: people from high school/college, who I may or may not accept, depending on whether I actually care to keep in touch with them or not; people I don't know, who I always decline; or acquaintances, who I may or may not accept for various reasons. I'm an extrovert anyway so I think FB is a good way to communicate - my Grandma is on there, etc, and it's a much easier way of sharing photos with her than email! Plus I like being able to share funny things my kids say, etc, and my friends (which run the gamut from teenagers to 75 year olds!) love hearing about our lives. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Like LucyStoner, I devised a set of parameters for accepting friends requests. It is very narrow and I have less FB friends than most. I have a zero tolerance policy for snark, indiscernible tone, and competitiveness. I will defriend in a fast click (and mentally dare a person to ask why, if they even notice). FB is my happy place, it is easy to manage and I keep it happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 My only facebook friends are my sister and cousin. Frankly, I'd like to unfriend them both,lol, but I don't and just ignore their posts. Basically, I use FB to get updates from my yoga studio and local homeschool group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I deactivated my Facebook account several months ago because of a particular family member. I thought after a couple months, I would re-activate it, but as time goes on, I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. The only thing I miss are the updates on my granddaughter, but my teenager usually shows me what I'm missing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffeetime Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Facebook has many ways you can control your input/output. You can hide anyone you want to so they don't show up on your timeline. You'll never see their updates unless you purposely go to their page and look. I use that one for particularly political people. ;) You can also utilize the "restricted list". Anyone you add to this list will not be able to see any of your updates unless you post them using a "public" privacy setting. I use this for particularly political people as well. ;) You can "block" anyone who is particularly troublesome. They won't see that you even have an account- unless you participate in the same "groups". Personally, I don't do groups. I am also an introvert and I don't like the dynamic in most groups I've been invited to. HTH! ETA- I ignore friend requests all the time. And I'm ok with unfriending people who are rude, toxic, etc. Even if I'm related to them. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Yes, in my group and circle of friends. As far as I know I'm the only Catholic hs'er in this county. I tried to write off one comment but asked my friend(who is not Catholic) who is never offended by anything and she read it just as I did that it was a jab at Catholicism. As to the political rants I would guess that most assume that everyone agrees with them. Those things aren't as offensive but I still don't want to read them. As I said I will like people more the less I know about them :) Are these on the group or are these just status updates people are posting? If it's on the group, yeah, wow, uncomfortable. If it's status updates... really, they're almost certainly not thinking of you. They're just sharing stuff other people posted that they liked or sharing their thoughts. I agree that it can really make you uncomfortable in that you sometimes see too much of someone in a way where you don't want to be friends with them anymore. But I never assume it's personal. That's my key to keeping FB sane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 No snark? Awww man... :laugh: Well, yeah, because the ones who have violated my no-snark rule have done so to fuel the also-banned competitiveness. FWIW, I appreciate sarcasm, it just has to be detectable as such, kwim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 I make heavy use of filters on FB, and while I generally will accept friend requests, I make very few of them myself, so my friends list is actually pretty small compared to a lot of people's, and even that list is filtered. If you post too many political posts that annoy me, or otherwise are irritating/too full of drama, I may not un-friend you, but I will take you off of the filters that I see a lot or that see the majority of my posts. I also have a personal policy of not friending men who are not relatives, even if they are friends of DH or if they are my friends' husbands. I also tell FB not to show me game posts. I like recipes and meal ideas, so those do not bother me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.