What do your teens pay for?

[sdobis]

My 15 year old son is getting a job soon. I'm wondering what others have their working teens pay for on their own. Extra curriculars like sports? Cell phone bills? Clothes? Car insurance for drivers? I don't want to be strict, but I want to teach responsibility as well. I worked for years as a teen with nothing to show for it at 24 when I married. In fact, I was in debt when I lived with my parents until then. Crazy.

[Joker]

Our oldest will be getting a job within the next six months. We plan on doing things like my parents. She will not be responsible for any academics or extracurricular activities. She will not be responsible for a cell phone (mostly because she is happy without one but we require it). She will not be responsible for car insurance or car payments.

 

She will be responsible for her fun stuff with friends. She will be responsible for all gas outside of school (she's not yet driving though), extracurricular activities, and when she is helping us out with her younger sister. We will buy her a certain amount of clothes/shoes/accessories but anything she wants beyond that is her responsibility. Gifts for family and friends will become her responsibility as well.

 

Dh's parents did things differently and he was responsible for most things. He does not want our dds to be required to do the same.

[J-rap]

We did it pretty much the same as Horton.  We paid for things school-related, including extra-curricular schoolish activities like sports, choir, and theater.  We paid for car insurance, but one car was shared between several kids and no one did too much driving.  They paid for anything above and beyond:  fun stuff with friends like pizza, movies, gifts for family or friends, extra little things for their room that they wanted (bulletin board, etc.).  They also paid for higher-priced items such as a new bike, a week at camp, a nice backpack, etc.  Sometimes we would pitch in for higher-priced things, depending on what it was.  I think a couple years we split the cost of a week at summer camp.  In general, we didn't buy things for the kids during the year, just at Christmas and their birthdays, so if they really wanted something in-between they'd buy it themselves.

 

We bought them their essential clothes, but they would buy more themselves.  We did buy a cell phone which was the "kids' phone" -- and whoever needed it that day would use it. 

[QueenCat]

Our oldest will be getting a job within the next six months. We plan on doing things like my parents. She will not be responsible for any academics or extracurricular activities. She will not be responsible for a cell phone (mostly because she is happy without one but we require it). She will not be responsible for car insurance or car payments.

 

She will be responsible for her fun stuff with friends. She will be responsible for all gas outside of school (she's not yet driving though), extracurricular activities, and when she is helping us out with her younger sister. We will buy her a certain amount of clothes/shoes/accessories but anything she wants beyond that is her responsibility. Gifts for family and friends will become her responsibility as well.

 

Dh's parents did things differently and he was responsible for most things. He does not want our dds to be required to do the same.

 

This is close to how we've done it...... basically, if it was something we thought the child should have or we really wanted them to have, we paid for it. "Toys" were mostly done at Christmas/birthdays.

[Guest inoubliable]

Auto insurance, petrol, any clothes/accessories outside of what we budget for them and same for food. We intend to pay for a nice used car at the first. The cell phone issue I'm not sure on. If any of them want an incredibly expensive gotta-have-it phone and an expensive everything-included plan, then they'll need to pay for a portion of that. I don't anticipate that being an issue, though. 

[Ripley]

My oldest started working at 12, and he was responsible for his social stuff and holiday/birthday gifts to family and friends.  He also had to help pay for his dog. I covered food and vet visits but he was responsible for accessories, grooming items, treats, and the actual grooming (if he chose to outsource it, which he did on occasion). 

 

He's scholarshipped onto a competitive soccer team but he's responsible for any extra training sessions he wants or any camps he's invited to.  It's also on him to replace or upgrade any related equipment he wants or needs, beyond what I buy to get him started each year. The exception being when he outgrows cleats. I replace those as needed but when he wanted "home" and "away" pairs, the second pair was on him!

 

He also chooses to spend his money to add a sports package to our cable bill.  I'm not paying for that LOL.

 

He's a few years from driving, but he'll get a car from his dad. His dad and I will split the insurance for however long the boy is a full-time student.  I'm undecided about the gas situation, but I'm thinking he'll get x-amount of money per month for gas and anything over that will be on him.  I think I'm fine paying for his gas so long as he's driving himself (and his younger relatives) to their extracurriculars.

 

I pay for his pay-as-you-go phone. He'd like a better phone but that's on him to purchase and pay for. So far it's been tempting ... but not worth it to him, either.

 

 

[Jenny in Florida]

My daughter has been working for almost a year. She is socking away money to build a nest egg for her planned move to "the big city" within the next year or so. She's been extremely responsible and level headed about putting away the vast majority of what she earns.

 

Meanwhile, we do not and will not have the financial resources to support or supplement her living expenses to help her transition into living on her own once she does move.

 

So, we've made the decision not to ask her to contribute to regular living expenses while she's here. She does not have a driver's license or a vehicle, and we transport her to and from both of her part-time jobs and to classes and rehearsals and such. We've also continued to pay for her weekly voice lessons. I buy most of her toiletries and make-up, except when I forget or she wants something special.

 

While we buy basic clothing and shoes when she really needs things, she has chosen to start thoughtfully building a professional wardrobe. Every couple of months, she adds a good-quality piece or two of clothing or a nice accessory. She's buying carefully, focusing on classic pieces that will see her through at least several years.

 

She pays for all of her social expenses, such as going to shows or out to eat with friends, and buys discretionary luxuries like books she can't get from the library.

 

She is considering dipping into her bank account to pay tuition for a couple of classes next semester. (She already has her bachelor's, but would like to work on some specific skills.

 

If she were spending her money frivolously or irresponsibly, we might have to re-evaluate. But, given her maturity and our financial reality, this is the best way we've found to be supportive of her long-term goals.

 

 

[Tap]

Ds started providing his own spending money when he got a job.  I still pay for tuition, lunch money, car maintenance/insurance, fuel back and forth to college, clothes hygiene, etc  He pays for the fun stuff.

 

DS had $3000 saved though, so he isn't running around spending every penny.  He paid it towards his own tuition this year, so we didn't have to (even though we would have).  :0)  

 

 

[gardenmom5]

car insurance and cell phone.

any "special" clothes above the basics.

I expect savings.

[mytwomonkeys]

My daughter is only 12 but she babysits a lot. She has to save half of her money. My husband & I match whatever she saves (so 5 becomes 10 in her account). She has a phone & pays for her portion on our Verizon plan. She keeps pocket money for times with friends, knick knacks from the mall, etc. If we are going out as a family, we pay for everything. We don't expect her to pay her "way" through life at all, we simply want her to start understanding budgeting, finances, money management, etc. We want her to move out with money in her pocket and an understanding of how to live debt free.

[kewb]

My ds is responsible for fun things.  You want to meet your friends for lunch, movies, accessories we deem frivolous (such as the new sunglasses he wanted when his old pair is fine), any clothing item you want after the budget has been spent, etc. That comes out of his earnings. 

 

[Chris in VA]

Dd will have to pay her car insurance and gas after she's licensed, and buy her own car (but not until she's 18--she can drive one of ours til then). 

She will pay for gifts for the family at Christmas and birthdays (right now she makes things). 

Movies, fun with friends--once she's working, those will be her responsibility.

 

We will continue to pay for clothes, food, etc. 

 

She pays for mission trips, too--her first is this summer, and she has figured out how to earn $400 with no real job, so kudos to her. 

 

She can start babysitting when she's ready--we will pay for a Red Cross course.

 

She will have to at least go halfies on a phone, but that won't be until at least next year, as she has no need for one now, but may do Cross Country next year and I'll want her to have phone access. 

[kroe1]

We do not let teens have any money so they do not pay for anything.

[DarlaS]

We gave ds an allowance  of $20 a week for several years, which was his to do whatever he felt like. He always saved birthday monies from relatives.  He wanted an iphone when he left for school, and since his dad hates the whole idea of smartphones, he let Walt pay for it himself. Clothes, essentials--those we still pay for. He has a nice chunk of change saved up, which his dad says may disappear quickly once he becomes involved with a girl. For now, though, it's in his "Camaro Fund".

He may need to start an "Insure the Camaro Fund" as well. ;-)

[Jan in SC]

We do not let teens have any money so they do not pay for anything.

May I ask why? Do you just save it for them?

[Spryte]

We do not let teens have any money so they do not pay for anything.

 

Curious about this as well.  What do you mean by this?  No jobs?  No allowance?  What about monetary gifts from relatives?  

 

I'm not being snarky, promise.  Genuinely curious about how you work this.

 

How do you handle teaching them financial responsibility?  I'm guessing you have a plan.  

 

Thanks for elaborating, if you will... 

[Guest inoubliable]

We do not let teens have any money so they do not pay for anything.

 

Why?

[Ottakee]

My kids are a bit different as all have special needs.

 

DS 25 works 6-10 hours a week at minimum wage and that is his pocket money. His disability check pays for his room and board, transportation, cell phone, cable TV and DVR he wants, clothes, shoes, etc.

 

18dd and 16dd each get $8/week for allowance and can earn more money by scooping poop for me at $1/wheelbarrow load or $5/ pasture from my friend. They buy their extras with that---snacks, stuff at goodwill, etc.

 

When I was a teen though it was very different. Partly because I was the oldest of a single parent family and partly as that was just the culture of the area we grew up in. I had a job from age 11 on----babysitting, picking blueberries, veggies, etc. and then later at 16 I got a job at a nursing home as a dietary aide and by 18 was a cook there. I paid for almost all of my clothing and shoes (that weren't hand me downs or something grandma bought), health and beauty aids, car insurance, car (grandpa gave us an interest free loan after we had over 1/2 down payment saved), car repair bills, any fun activities, snacks, extra things at school, etc. Basically other than housing and groceries I paid for everything.

 

I was never bitter about it as honestly, it was a way of life for me and many of my friends (to varying degrees). We weren't handed money and didn't get allowances........we worked. Good or bad, that is just the way it was.

 

It might have been a bit easier as jobs were easier to secure back then and I was soon making a bit over minimum wage at 16 and by 20, (over 20 years ago) I was making $9-10/hour as a cook at nursing homes where I was cooking special diets for 126 residents daily.

 

I would certainly have him get in the habit of SAVING something. I don't know if he could start an IRA or something at this point yet but if he could put away even 5% of his take home each paycheck into a LONG term savings account--if not retirement then maybe house payment, etc. it would be a great habit to start.

[kroe1]

Curious about this as well. What do you mean by this? No jobs? No allowance? What about monetary gifts from relatives?

 

I'm not being snarky, promise. Genuinely curious about how you work this.

 

How do you handle teaching them financial responsibility? I'm guessing you have a plan.

 

Thanks for elaborating, if you will...

 

Sorry if this hijacks the original post. We only have 2 kiddos so our methods/philosophies in no way should be considered reflective of the masses. The first kiddo was fabulous until we forced him to get a job at age 16 because we thought that was what responsible parents did. He then had a car, money, and 20+ year old friends. He and his soccer buddies who were also starting to work and gaining access to these same older friends started smoking and an occasional beer. I shudder to think what else they did. This kiddo is over 30 now and doing well so in the end, all was good.

 

In the meantime, I read a pediatric journal which reported a study showing teens with jobs were twice as likely to smoke and 5 times more likely to do drugs than jobless teens. I cannot remember much of the details and would not want to hunt that study down now. Another mentioned that athletic teens were less likely to smoke. I am only telling this to remark on my dynamic stance with the second kiddo who came along 20 years later.

 

With the second kiddo, there has been no money given to her other than an occasional birthday present. A Beka does a decent job of teaching personal money management so she has learned how to write the family checks and reconcile bank accounts. If I gave her an allowance and let her spend most of it, then it is not real life money management to me. If I gave her $60 a week then deducted out $15 for housing, $24for food, $6 for church, $10 for dance lessons, and $5 for my chaperone fees leaving her with nothing, then that would be a more true to real life experience for her. It would better model the typical young adult life experience. But what is the point, when she can look at my own paycheck and bills to see the same typical family financial hardships?

 

When she makes it to age 30, I will let you guys know if this more conservative, stricter teen financial policy worked or not. Until then, it is only speculation and trying to avoid the pitfalls with the first kiddo.

[Jenny in Florida]

I realize I discussed only my daughter, who works, in my earlier post. Since we're talking about allowances, too, here's what I've recently worked out with my son:

 

I give him an allowance of $15 per week. Out of that, he is expected to pay for between-class snacks when he's on campus. He's also out at dance classes four evenings a week over a traditional dinner time. I keep the 'fridge and pantry stocked with foods that are easy to pack and transport and eat on the go, which he is welcome to pack and take with him on those evenings. If he doesn't want to pack or just has a craving for something different or more interesting, he pays for that out of his budget.

 

The remainder of the weekly amount is his to do with as he wishes. At the moment, he's trying to save up to replace his bike.

[DarlaS]

My teen (still a teen til January) just got his first job. I can see no real reason for this kid where getting one earlier would have been any kind of benefit. He didn't need his own money for anything, really.

 

If he had wanted one though? I don't think I would have stood in his way.

 

He is expected to pay for car insurance, the balance of his classes (His employer will be paying 80%.), his car payment and save as much as possible each month. This is an older teen though, and definitely a rather serious (not typical) first job.

[Jenny in Florida]

In the meantime, I read a pediatric journal which reported a study showing teens with jobs were twice as likely to smoke and 5 times more likely to do drugs than jobless teens. I cannot remember much of the details and would not want to hunt that study down now. Another mentioned that athletic teens were less likely to smoke

 

I'm not picking on you, I promise. Obviously, we all have to decide how to process the information we read and apply it to raising our own kids. I just found this really interesting since I didn't remember ever reading anything about it. I went searching and found a few articles covering the study I suspect you mean. (It was published in 2008 in the American Journal of Public Health: http://news.health.ufl.edu/2008/7978/multimedia/health-in-a-heartbeat/teens-with-jobs-more-likely-to-smoke/ )

 

A couple of things that I found worthy of pondering as I considered the findings of that study:

 

- The population of teens studied was exclusively "urban," primarily male and overwhelmingly made up of minorities. My gut tells me there are pitfalls generalizing the results too broadly.

- The percentage of teens who began smoking went up significantly with the number of hours worked per week. The article I linked above said that, among teens in the same city who did not work, 8% smoked. Among the teens studied who worked fewer than 10 hours per week, 11 % smoked. The percentage jumped dramatically -- to 21% -- only among teens who worked more than 10 hours per week.

 

From my point of view, while it's something to watch out for, I wouldn't prohibit a teen from working on the basis of this study.

 

And while I was browsing for information, I came across a number of other articles about studies showing positive effects associated with teens having jobs.

 

For example, working a reasonable number of hours (again, fewer than 10 or 15 hours per week) is associated with higher grades.

 

And the study discussed here [ http://www.metro.us/newyork/lifestyle/education/2013/05/06/study-shows-teens-should-get-jobs-while-in-high-school/ ] suggests that people who get jobs while in high school tend to be earning as much as 25% more 10 years later than their peers who did not work during that time. They are also more likely to be employed.

 

Here's one that shows low-income teens who worked during the summer were about half as likely to be involved in violence than kids who did not: http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2013/07/08/new-study-says-boston-teens-who-have-summer-jobs-are-less-prone-violence/Ij5VGwIx2EeuXukTwm4RAI/story.html

 

So, as with so many other things, there's all kinds of information to sift through and prioritize as we consider what's best for our own kids.

[Spryte]

 

With the second kiddo, there has been no money given to her other than an occasional birthday present. A Beka does a decent job of teaching personal money management so she has learned how to write the family checks and reconcile bank accounts. If I gave her an allowance and let her spend most of it, then it is not real life money management to me. If I gave her $60 a week then deducted out $15 for housing, $24for food, $6 for church, $10 for dance lessons, and $5 for my chaperone fees leaving her with nothing, then that would be a more true to real life experience for her. It would better model the typical young adult life experience. But what is the point, when she can look at my own paycheck and bills to see the same typical family financial hardships?

 

When she makes it to age 30, I will let you guys know if this more conservative, stricter teen financial policy worked or not. Until then, it is only speculation and trying to avoid the pitfalls with the first kiddo.

 

Ah, okay.  Thanks very much for explaining the whys and hows of what you're doing.  I figured there was a backstory, and wanted to hear how you were accomplishing this.  Thanks a bunch for taking the time to lay it out for me!

 

(I actually wasn't sure if you were being serious, so I really appreciate the thoughtful response.)

[kroe1]

Jenny and Spryte, I need to clarify that I am not opposed to my kiddos working, we just no longer let them have a paycheck. Jenny, I believe we may have spoken before about kids getting paid for their theatre work. I believe my youngest got her first official paycheck at age 10, but we have never let her have the money. It never amounts to much anyway so she donates it back to the theater. She also taught dance class at a theater for 2 years and choreographed some of the adult shows. Right now she is just doing dance class helper at a rogue dance studio 3 hours a week. I would never let her get paid for any of this stuff. Building her resume and learning about a strong work ethic is far more valuable than a minimum wage (theater is lower than minimum wage) paycheck to her.

 

One quick cute story: DD gets calls to sing at out of town churches sometimes. I always explain up front that she does not get paid for these gigs, not even expense reimbursement. So we show up at a church in north Florida. The minister said, "I know your mom won't let you have anything so here is a gift certificate for some books." I felt lower than low, but I stick to my guns.

[shanvan]

My 15 yr old Ds started working during tis past summer.  The plan was for him to work until school started.  He did nothing but put his check in the bank every week.  He knows college is coming and he is going to need a car eventually, so he's just saving in general.  

 

Then Dh lost his job and our finances changed dramatically.  New plan.  He notified his boss that he wanted to continue to work during the school year.  So, he's working weekends and school holidays now.  He now pays for agility trial entries (dog sports are his main extracurricular) and has the added perk of all of his dog handling/training classes being free b/c he works at the kennel that hosts the classes.  We cannot afford to pay for dog activities like we did previously.  He has a goal for how far he wants to take his dog and he's working toward it while also keeping an eye on his bank account.  He is doing a very good job balancing it all and I have seen him take more ownership for training and striving for his goals now that he pays.  He plans his competitions so that he has enough time available to fit in work too.  Fortunately for him, his boss is willing to give him time off for any competitions he enters as long as he lets her know in advance.

 

I didn't really want him to have to work during the school year, but I am pleased with the way it has worked out.  He also says he loves his job.  He interacts with a lot of dogs and is learning a lot.  Besides walking dogs he also has to do the nitty gritty kennel clean up and some manual labor, which keeps him humble :D .  It is working out very well. 

[jen3kids]

My oldest is 16 and got a job in August.  He insists on paying for all his clothes.  He doesn't know it, but I actually reimburse him the money (deposited it into his account), but only when he shops sales and has really thought out his purchases.  After the first 'wasteful' (imo) purchases, and the resulting buyers remorse, he has done much better.    

 

He pays for the texting portion of his phone.  If he wants a smartphone, he will pay for it himself.  If he wants a car, he will pay for it as well as insurance and gas.   

 

I've taught him (and he actually listened!) that if he asks us to take him shopping so he can buy clothes, it is polite to offer to buy us a snack while we are out.  

 

He will also pay for at least half of his Scout SeaBase trip next summer.  

 

He is not allowed to withdraw money from his account without reason - he gets pretty good tips at his job, so he has spending money.  Anything big needs our ok.