Piddly little debt - help me escape the rut

[momee]

I keep finding myself paying off debt, racking it up again, paying it off, racking it up.

 

I'm not talking huge debt.  More like Eddie Bauer - $350.  Belk - $290.  I'm not super concerned about the amounts, I can pay them off.  I am concerned about the philosophical maturity not happening by now.  I'm also modeling this for my poor daughters who LOVE the trips, but don't experience the brunt of the financial mistakes.  They will though.  I'd like to teach them better than I know...

 

I think I'm a sucker for the % off trick.  I sign up - get 20% off - buy more than I planned to because it is on sale - see the minimum payment is $20 - only pay that.  When dh asks - I have a balance again.

 

I know I can't be alone in this.  Help me :)  I know it is emotional.  I have ALWAYS clothe shopped like this.  Buy a bunch at once.  Pay it off eventually.  I never go to used clothe stores because I seriously hate them.  I feel poor, can never find my size and HATE the smell.

 

Well, there you have it.  My confessions.

[DawnM]

The best way for me to avoid this is to save in advance.

 

For example, I currently owe $300 for something.  It is a $300 charge every year.  I know it is coming every November.  So, I started an ING account last year and contributed $25/mo to it.

 

Pay off your debt, start a monthly savings for your clothes shopping, then don't buy until that savings is funded.

 

DH and I now teach Crown Financial at our church.  Teaching it keeps us in check.  We aren't perfect, but we are far better than we ever have been.

[justasque]

Set a budget.  Put aside that amount in cash (or on paper, if you have the discipline).  When it's gone, it's gone.

Plan your wardrobe by season.  Inventory what you already have, to get a sense of your needs.  Buy only what you need for the next 3 months.  Play around online with sites like Polyvore to decide on your "look" for the upcoming season.  Stop shopping the sales or buying by price - buy things because they are part of your plan and not just because they are cheap.  

Most importantly, buy quality, not quantity.

If they are old enough, put your daughters on a clothing budget, and help them go through the above process to use the money wisely.

[justasque]

Also, think in terms of a "capsule wardrobe" for each season.  Choose a color scheme and get a few clothing pieces and accessories that mix and match.  You don't need a lot.  Be realistic about your lifestyle, and buy the clothes you will actually wear.  Seasons are relatively short, and you'll want a new "look" when the season changes.  Next year, you'll want to buy a few new pieces too. So you can be a bit minimal each season, and still be current with fashion trends.

This site can help you to create capsule wardrobe "looks" - then shop with your "look" in mind.
http://www.polyvore.com/

[ajfries]

I agree, I'm starting to build a capsule wardrobe (now that I'm not nursing or pregnant) and I also set a budget for, well, everything. I have an undying devotion for the software "You Need a Budget". It has literally changed our lives.

[Lolly]

Take an envelope, put $X in it every week/month. Do not charge for clothes. Allow yourself to take a shopping trip 1. if you truly need something (then only get that thing) or 2. when your envelope reaches a certain $ amount you have predetermined. Trip is over when cash is gone.

[Carrie12345]

I know *I can't handle store cards. (Well, I CAN, I just don't.) So we get rid of them. Why pay $50 in interest over X months to save $20 on one day? So we closed them.

If, if, if there's big savings to be had, like $100 off an appliance or 10% off flooring or whatever, we can open a new store card, get the deal, and go home and pay it online.

 

I've completely stopped shopping at stores like Kohls and Justice that run crazy "bucks" programs with or without credit cards. I just get sucked in to the idea of getting deals too easily and wind up, just as they intend, spending even more money.

[Carol in Cal.]

Those are good ideas but I would add, more fundamentally:

1.  Figure out what you want more than clothes.  What are you saving FOR?  Is it peace of mind, knowing that you are not in debt?  Or is it your kids' college?  Or is it paying off your house?  Whatever it is, you'll be happier turning down spending opportunities if you think of what  you are gaining instead of what you are losing.

2.  Figure out why you're shopping in the first place.  Is it because it's a form of entertainment?  Is there something else that you could do with your time instead that would also be satisfying?  For me, that is getting outside into wild nature--not a garden, but a wilderness.  There isn't a whole lot of that around here, but I have found little pockets of it, and when I can go I get so relaxed and happy.

3.  Make it a rule that you never buy anything the first time that you see it.  Teach that to your girls.  You might find that you enjoy looking forward to a purchase and enjoy it even more if you have anticipated it.  You will almost certainly find that there are things you would just as soon not buy after all, as well. 

[Chris in VA]

Yeah, agreeing with the above. Cut up the cards, and figure out what internal perks you are getting from the shopping.

I had serious cc debt for years, and it had a ton of consequences, including giving up homeschooling for a year.

You don't want to go there! (Of course you don't--as you post.)

 

Maybe find out if you are reacting to something in your past--my mom always just bought me stuff, and I never had exposure to budgeting. She'd take me to a store, and we wouldn't look at prices, just buy what we needed. She was great with money, but because I didn't see the process, I thought she truly just bought me anything, not knowing she was internally calculating what she could spend. If you are doing that with your dds, then...well, that 's not good, so maybe model having a budget to teach them to do the same (so they don't end up like Meeee! lol)

 

I also have some anxiety--shopping helps ease it, but it's a temp fix with major consequences. I even hate just bringing cash, because then I have to keep track of spending and it makes me anxious instead of relieving the anxiety--a card is "magic!" I had "Scarlett O'Hara" syndrome for a while, too. 

Do you feel irritated when you have only cash with you, or don't have the card with you? Red flag. 

 

It's so good you are working on this while you can still pay off the debts. Don't let it snowball like I did. 

[JustEm]

My only strategy is I do not buy something if I don't have the money for it.  Its that easy.  If you can't avoid using a credit card then you need to get rid of them or leave them at home.  I only use one because I know I have the money in my savings account to pay it off every month so I'm never paying interest on it.  

 

We will finance some things but only if it is at 0% and we already have the money for it.  

[MicheleinMN]

 

I also have some anxiety--shopping helps ease it, but it's a temp fix with major consequences. I even hate just bringing cash, because then I have to keep track of spending and it makes me anxious instead of relieving the anxiety--a card is "magic!" I had "Scarlett O'Hara" syndrome for a while, too. 

Do you feel irritated when you have only cash with you, or don't have the card with you? Red flag. 

 

It's so good you are working on this while you can still pay off the debts. Don't let it snowball like I did. 

 

 

Okay, this is me! And money stress is likely to trigger binge purchasing. (I KNOW that that is stupid, but it is what I do.)

 

It always seems to happen in the fall right before our money gets really tight for winter, but even if I didn't binge purchase, money would still be tight all winter.  sigh.

[LucyStoner]

No more store cards.  It's not worth it. 

[Pawz4me]

It hurts a lot more to hand over the cold hard cash then to use your credit card.

 

I know people are different, and I don't have a shopping/spending problem, so maybe that's a factor.  But in general I'm the total opposite of the above statement.  I find it *much* harder to hand over a credit card, knowing I'm eventually going to have to look at the bill, than I do handing over cash.  With cash I can pay for an item and it's over and done with and I don't ever have to think about paying for that item again.  Easy peasy.  Not so when I use a card.

 

To the OP -- This is stating the obvious, but I think you need to set up a clothing budget and only shop when you (or your kids) actually need something.  Find some other recreational activities instead of shopping.

[chiguirre]

Most importantly, buy quality, not quantity.

This is great advice once your kids are past the "use mommy as a napkin" stage. I got terribly frustrated when a kid would stain something nice of mine. I switched to bulk buying Target tees on sale and solved the issue. A $5 tee is more disposable than a $25 top. Yeah, they don't last as long, but you won't be as bummed out if they get ketchup or jelly or spit-up stains.

[regentrude]

Get in the habit of paying off the card every month completely. If you can not treat it as such, do not have a card, hand it over to your DH.

Stop recreational shopping. Only buy what you NEED. Most of us have too many clothes already.

I find that I shop when I have too much time on my hands: be busier so that you have no time for shopping expeditions beyond the grocery store.

 

[Sparkle]

I have to give up all my credit cards (as in dh took them away from me and cut them up...um,yeah)...anyway, I don't buy things now unless I have the cash. It's so easy to get sucked into the cycle of unending payments. I recommend saving up or just buying 1 item a month to make if affordable.

[momee]

"I'm surprised no one has stated the obvious:  CUT UP ALL OF YOUR CARDS."

 

I appreciate the advice given so far.  This quote above...that doesn't work.  You can just give your id and reopen or get a temporary number...btdt.  If I weren't so disfunctional in this area, that would be a good suggestion.  

 

I don't hang out in malls anymore like I did when I was newly married, new mom and looking to waste time.  I go in, buy what we need for all of us (7 total) and that gets to be in the 2/300 range.

 

I have been using YNAB and this is the first time ever that we

1) have the extra in the budget to "afford" a clothes budget

2) feel like I can have a clothes budget because other categories are funded

3) have a system set up where I actually can figure out from experience what the $ amount is for clothing 

4) actually use that system for more than 20 days :)

 

I have realized cash is very powerful (thank you Dave Ramsey!).  It is painful for me to pay that 2/300 in cash.  Painless to stick it on a card, after all, doesn't everyone have some small debt?  What difference does it make?  I can pay it off,  yada yada.

 

Thanks so much for thinking things through with me.  I feel like I should re-take a Crown or other class.  I sure could use the accountability even if it is only short term for the duration of the class.

Yay to those of you who have conquered issues like this.  I think my issues do stem from lack of education.  I battle that in many areas of my life.  Frustrating but I'm seeing progress!  AND my girls benefit from the wrongs I was taught.

[Soror]

Well, it seems perhaps you are on the right track. I think admitting out loud and to yourself that this is a problem will probably be a big help. It sounds like you have a plan, you just need resolve. If you planned amounts to spend do you think it will help w/ the desire to go shopping?

 

Also, I noticed something in your post, you talked about how when you go shopping it just costs a lot because there is a lot of you. I think that thinking is backwards and at the root of the problem. You need to be looking at how much you can afford and then making your budget, doing so forces you to seek out resources for clothing that are in your budget. Perhaps you don't like used shopping but it might be that is what you can afford. If you insist on new then you might need to get more diligent about watching sales. I agree as well that you need to inventory what you have. Hs'ing is a definite plus in this category as often we can get by with fewer clothes. None of us have a right to any amount or style of clothing we can only buy what we can afford and if you want more than you can afford you have to make cuts in other categories or bring in more money.

[lynn]

You gotta decide if a purchase is a want or a need.  Do you really need another top, belt, scarf or whatever.  Learn to say no, to walk away or if it's really hard, go to the park for a walk or treat yourself to Starbucks instead of going into those stores you know you will spend money on things you don't need.  Like others said budget, only bring $X with you and that's it.

 

My sister has some of my favorite stores near her so I know to  only bring cash when I vist and we go shopping it really helps not to ring up the cc

[Dana]

You can also put a block on your credit so you have to call or write in advance to unfreeze credit. That would make getting cards even harder.

 

Probably counseling would also help to get to reasons why you feel incapable of control in this area.

[momee]

Maybe I do need counseling :)  Or just a bit of friendly encouragement like I've found here that I'm not alone in a struggle.

Anywho...thanks for the advice ladies.