Explaining transgender to younger child?

[NicAnn]

I can't believe this is the first time this has come up for us, but it really just hasn't.

 

Tonight we sat next two transgender individuals at a concert. My daughter whispered to me if there were any women who sometimes have beards. I told her that yes, I suppose there were, and that we could talk more about it later. But then she feel asleep before we got home. I know she will ask more in depth questions tomorrow, and id like to answer them in a direct way.

 

What's a good way to explain it?

Thanks.

[ErinE]

My response is some men feel like they are women and some women feel like they are men so they dress how they feel. When my child asks why, I say that they were born that way (thank you, Lady Gaga). It was the same response when Macklemore's "Same Love" came out. I told the kids some men like men and some women like women. There are people who think they should change so Macklemore wrote a song. DS thought about it for a few minutes and then said, "Well, that's silly. You can't help liking who you like." Exactly.

[mamaraby]

I just explained that sometimes the way a person feels on the inside doesn't match their body parts on the outside and so people (like my cousin) make changes to match how they feel on the inside. We have no moral issue with this so I explained that it was a normal part of human life. Worked for my kids.

[Paige]

My kids saw a 20/20 time of show on transgendered kids a while back. They were really into it. I didn't put it on for them but it came on while I was busy and I didn't bother to turn it off. I just told them that some people feel they were born the wrong gender and left it at that. If they asked, I would go more into genetics and how male and female fetuses develop but they didn't ask.

[Mrs Mungo]

Some women do have beards though. I think that should also be pointed out.

 

Example:

http://storify.com/cbccommunity/bearded-sikh-woman-teaches-reddit-a-lesson-in-tole

[UmMusa]

Glad to read these prospective answers because there is a transgender person in a group we are part of that I'm sure will cause some confusion.

[Tap]

Honestly, young children are often the most easy going when it comes to gender.  Unless they have been taught to fear/disrespect glbta persons or taught rigid gender roles, you may find that your children aren't really that surprised by mixed gender roles.  They may notice, and may be curious, but just not surprised.  

 

 

[LibraryLover]

My response is some men feel like they are women and some women feel like they are men so they dress how they feel. When my child asks why, I say that they were born that way (thank you, Lady Gaga). It was the same response when Macklemore's "Same Love" came out. I told the kids some men like men and some women like women. There are people who think they should change so Macklemore wrote a song. DS thought about it for a few minutes and then said, "Well, that's silly. You can't help liking who you like." Exactly.

 

Years ago, when one of mine was about 6,  he listened in on a discussion at a party about gay people marrying. There was a person who was very against it. In the car on the way home my young child asked, "Why do people care who you love?"  BIngo,

 

Ftr, he is straight, and an advocate. I am very proud of him.

 

[LucyStoner]

My brother is trans. It was a pretty easy explanation for my sons that there are people where their biological sex matches their gender identity and expression and there are a few people where it does not to the extent that they are better off transitioning. Kids don't think this is a big deal for the most part.

 

Here is a handy dandy graphic. Because info graphics make everything easier.

 

 

ETA- this also highlights that one can be be at various places on each spectrum. Ie- a straight female who is more masculine in gender expression or a male who is asexual and androgynous. Or any number of combinations.

[Pretty in Pink]

I'd never seen that graphic before ^^^, but I explained it to my children much this way. Our minds tell us who we are, our hearts tell us who we love, our sex organs are either male or female. Most of the time the mind and sex organs match up, but sometimes they don't.

[nmoira]

I told my youngest, then four or five, to close her eyes and tell me whether she was a boy or girl. Girl. Did she have to look or feel to answer? No. She just knew. Well, our friend _____ knows he is a boy the just same way you know you're a girl. He just knows it. It's sometimes hard for him because some parts of his body don't match who he knows he is, but he is getting the help he needs and his family loves him for who he is and always will. It's not something we've had to have a conversation about since.

[ficbot]

My sister is trans, and when we were explaining it to my much-younger half-siblings, we were told that young children have no preconceptions about this sort of thing and will take their lead from you. So if you sit down with them and tell them you want to have a serious conversation, they will treat it Very Serious. If you treat it like no big deal, so will they.

[ErinE]

My sister is trans, and when we were explaining it to my much-younger half-siblings, we were told that young children have no preconceptions about this sort of thing and will take their lead from you. So if you sit down with them and tell them you want to have a serious conversation, they will treat it Very Serious. If you treat it like no big deal, so will they.

Yes, I completely agree. Conversations noting differences between people are treated as the normal experience they are. Since my kids are still young, it usually only takes 1-2 sentences to satisfy their curiousity. Talks about discrimination or bullying get a bit heavier. What is it? What do you do when you see or hear it?

 

If my child speaks or behaves poorly towards someone because he or she is "different," it's a serious discussion and A Very Big Deal. One child spent a few years with a group of children that rigidly classified other kids. He's too little, her hair's too curly, he doesn't play X-box, she's doesn't wear dresses, he's weird. Years later, we are still working on this attitude.

[morganvicky98]

Some people have this disease where they think they are really a different gender. A man might think he is really woman, and a woman might think she is really a man. Some people think that is normal, but it really isn't, because G-d created man and He created woman, and He knew what He was doing just fine.

[mamaraby]

I wondered how long it would be until someone posted that. Don't think it's quite what the OP was looking for.

[Haiku]

I've always told my kids that some people are lucky enough to feel like they are the sex they were born as, but some people do not feel that way, and some of those people take steps to make their outer body fit with their inner feelings.

[Parrothead]

I wondered how long it would be until someone posted that. Don't think it's quite what the OP was looking for.

I was surprised to find out some transgendered people prefer to have transgender referred to as a medical disorder. But then I realized that with a "diagnosis" it is probably easier to get the needed supplements and surgeries.

[mamaraby]

I was surprised to find out some transgendered people prefer to have transgender referred to as a medical disorder. But then I realized that with a "diagnosis" it is probably easier to get the needed supplements and surgeries.

There is some bate on the Gemder Dysphoria diagnosis and it being in the DSM, but yes, ou are right that it's easier to get insurance to pay for things with that.

 

However, insurance reimbursement was not what that poster was talking about. ;)

[Parrothead]

There is some bate on the Gemder Dysphoria diagnosis and it being in the DSM, but yes, ou are right that it's easier to get insurance to pay for things with that.

 

However, insurance reimbursement was not what that poster was talking about. ;)

Yes, I realize that it is slightly off topic. You've been here long enough to know that happens frequently.

 

While I wouldn't (didn't) refer to transgender as a disease when talking to dd about it, I was surprised that there was any question about transgender being an illness or condition. I thought all that had changed in 1986 when homosexuality was taken out of the DSM.

 

However there may be parents who describe transgender to their children as a disease for more than one reason, be it religious or some other reason. I suppose that would depend on the age of the child.

[LucyStoner]

My brother went from the brink of suicide to being able to function and live life after he transitioned. Maybe God makes no mistakes. But people dismissing the all too real ramifications of enforcing a rigid gender matches sex myth sure the heck do make mistakes. They make a big one every time they dismiss someone else's life that they can't possibly understand with religious or ideological platitudes. My brother made it through, his religious faith intact. Prayer was what helped him see what he needed to do. Personally how certain religious leaders treated him forever affected my relationship with the church.

 

 

Gender is not sexuality. Being homosexual is not in the DSM because there is nothing, at least about changing their sexuality, that needs to be/can be done to make the person whole/healthier. With gender dysphoria there are a myriad of things that can be done to help solve the mental anguish. This is a laywoman's explanation.

[NicAnn]

Thanks for all the thoughtful replies all.

 

She did have questions again. I didn't bring up anything about homosexuality because it wasn't relevant (the bio woman with the beard was there with her bio male partner). And we lived in Seattle long enough to have alReady had that discussion.

 

I said the woman was probably more comfortable being and looking like a man. Then she asked how the woman got the beard. I told her that I really didn't know, but I think she takes a certain medicine to make it grow. Seems enough for her.

[Χά�ων]

 Maybe God makes no mistakes. But people dismissing the all too real ramifications of enforcing a rigid gender matches sex myth sure the heck do make mistakes. 

Or maybe God's will is distorted by ignorance, fear, and hatred being masked as righteousness by charismatic leaders. This is done in an attempt to try and elevate themselves to the same level as God but putting other people into a category equivalent to "sub-human".

[NicAnn]

I'd prefer if we didn't encourage any debate about God or religion in this thread. I'd like for it to remain civil, and not get locked because I think others will benefit from the information.

 

Thank you.

[SKL]

nm

 

[Mrs Mungo]

I said the woman was probably more comfortable being and looking like a man. Then she asked how the woman got the beard. I told her that I really didn't know, but I think she takes a certain medicine to make it grow. Seems enough for her.

I realize that it may not have applied in this case, but I would still discuss various disorders that can cause a woman to grow a beard without medicine. Lots of women pluck, shave and laser it away, but some choose not to (like the woman in the lonk I posted above). Here is another article on the issue:

http://shine.yahoo.com/beauty/bearded-mom--when-women-grow-full-blown-facial-hair-185933917.html

[NicAnn]

I realize that it may not have applied in this case, but I would still discuss various disorders that can cause a woman to grow a beard without medicine. Lots of women pluck, shave and laser it away, but some choose not to (like the woman in the lonk I posted above). Here is another article on the issue:

http://shine.yahoo.com/beauty/bearded-mom--when-women-grow-full-blown-facial-hair-185933917.html

Good point. Thank you for the links.

[Ipsey]

I also liked this story, the woman's response, and the following apology!

 

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/sikh-woman-balpreet-kaur-turns-cyber-bullying-incident-203500244.html

 

A woman who has a beard and does not remove it because she is Sikh.

 

And, of course, it doesn't mean she's necessarily transgendered. Though is some cases it might.

[HappyGrace]

Mark 10:6 "But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female..."

 

Genesis 5:2 "He created them male and female and blessed them..."

 

That's "a good way to explain it", in fact, the original and best way.

[NicAnn]

Mark 10:6 "But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female..."

 

Genesis 5:2 "He created them male and female and blessed them..."

 

That's "a good way to explain it", in fact, the original and best way.

Well, no in fact it doesn't explain why some men want to be women. Look, I'm a Christian and I have pretty particular thoughts. BUT I can't ignore that there are individuals that, for whatever reason, aren't ok with how they were born. Is it genetics? Is it environmental? Is it a choice? Is it Satan? Is it too much time watching Glee? I have no idea.

 

I can certainly give her our statement of faith and beliefs, but it doesn't explain why others feel the way they do.

[Mrs Mungo]

I also liked this story, the woman's response, and the following apology!

 

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/sikh-woman-balpreet-kaur-turns-cyber-bullying-incident-203500244.html

 

A woman who has a beard and does not remove it because she is Sikh.

 

And, of course, it doesn't mean she's necessarily transgendered. Though is some cases it might.

That is actually the same story/woman as my first link. ;)

[HappyGrace]

I see what you mean now, NicAnn. By showing them that that's the truth of God's Word, we can then explain that no one knows for sure *why* people feel that way (which I think most here would agree with), but it clearly wasn't intended by God.

[Catwoman]

I'd prefer if we didn't encourage any debate about God or religion in this thread. I'd like for it to remain civil, and not get locked because I think others will benefit from the information.

 

Thank you.

:iagree:

 

If anyone wants to be judgmental about transgendered people, I would suggest that they go start their own thread elsewhere. :glare:

 

I have a very close friend who is transgendered, and believe me, he doesn't have a "disease," nor is he possessed by Satan or otherwise evil.

 

People need to realize that no one wakes up one morning and decides to be transgendered. It is so much easier to keep pretending to be the sex they're not. The stress and the fears and the worries about every aspect of being TG are absolutely huge and overwhelming, and when someone decides to tell the world that he or she is TG, it is most certainly not a decision that he or she has made lightly.

 

Sorry to rant, but I think it's awful when people are judged because of things like this, often by people who have absolutely no personal experience with even one TG person.:glare:

[Χά�ων]

And if they are not Christian? Do you still hold them to your beliefs?

[ChocolateReignRemix]

I see what you mean now, NicAnn. By showing them that that's the truth of God's Word, we can then explain that no one knows for sure *why* people feel that way (which I think most here would agree with), but it clearly wasn't intended by God.

So...what did God intend when some people are born with both male and female genitalia?

[Catwoman]

Yes and that does not make them transgendered.

And realistically, most men who are transitioning into being women would have made sure to shave before they left the house. They feel like women, and want to pass as women in public, rather than drawing attention to themselves by looking obviously like men in drag on their way to a Halloween party. (And when you think about it, how many non-TG drag queens do you know that don't shave before they go outside dressed as women, either?)

[Χά�ων]

:iagree:

 

If anyone wants to be judgmental about transgendered people, I would suggest that they go start their own thread elsewhere.

 

I have a very close friend who is transgendered, and believe me, he doesn't have a "disease," nor is he possessed by Satan or otherwise evil.

 

People need to realize that no one wakes up one morning and decides to be transgendered. It is so much easier to keep pretending to be the sex they're not. The stress and the fears and the worries about every aspect of being TG are absolutely huge and overwhelming, and when someone decides to tell the world that he or she is TG, it is most certainly not a decision that he or she has made lightly.

 

Sorry to rant, but I think it's awful when people are judged because of things like this, often by people who have absolutely no personal experience with even one TG person. :glare:

I am copying this because I think if it needs to be said more than once.

[HappyGrace]

That is not my beliefs, that is Truth.

 

I wasn't judgmental at all. I don't think any of us can really presume to explain why another person feels like they feel, and I said that.

[NicAnn]

Great. Well thanks. This thread could have been helpful for others. But now I see it's going, like every other thread that attempts to answer a controversial question. I know once a few certain posters start, there will be no hope in keeping it civil.

 

 

Shame really, because based on a few PMs I think there are some who would have gained knowledge, insights, and perhaps even a mind opening.

[Catwoman]

That is not my beliefs, that is Truth.

 

I wasn't judgmental at all. I don't think any of us can really presume to explain why another person feels like they feel, and I said that.

Actually, you were entirely judgmental of anyone who doesn't share your particular brand of "Truth."

[Catwoman]

Great. Well thanks. This thread could have been helpful for others. But now I see it's going, like every other thread that attempts to answer a controversial question. I know once a few certain posters start, there will be no hope in keeping it civil.

 

 

Shame really, because based on a few PMs I think there are some who would have gained knowledge, insights, and perhaps even a mind opening.

I can stop if you want me to.

 

I'm sorry if I contributed to derailing your thread, NicAnn.

[NicAnn]

I can stop if you want me to.

 

I'm sorry if I contributed to derailing your thread, NicAnn.

No I'm sorry. It's not you. I seem to have a personal issue with a few people on the board and i have a veey difficult time comtrolling it! You are generally helpful to the overall quality of the board. Others, not so much.

 

Talk about whatever you all want. Ill step away as to not get too personal or mean.

[Ipsey]

That is actually the same story/woman as my first link. ;)

 

Oops! Sorry, I only saw the second one! :)

[Catwoman]

No I'm sorry. It's not you. I seem to have a personal issue with a few people on the board and i have a veey difficult time comtrolling it! You are generally helpful to the overall quality of the board. Others, not so much.

Talk about whatever you all want. Ill step away as to not get too personal or mean.

Thanks, NicAnn! :)

 

I think I should probably step away, too, because I can already picture the way this thread will probably progress, and I don't want to get too personal or too mean, either... and I can already see how it might happen... soon.

 

Must. step. away. from. iPad.

[AlmiraGulch]

That is not my beliefs, that is Truth.

 

I wasn't judgmental at all. I don't think any of us can really presume to explain why another person feels like they feel, and I said that.

 

You need to stop.  Now.

 

What you're stating is neither helpful not accurate, as you cannot say that your bible is "Truth".  Even if the OP believes the same about the origins of man and woman as you, and I believe she probably does, this is neither the time nor the place to start talking about "Truth."  This is NOT the information that was requested, and if you keep going along this path you're likely to get the thread shut down.  

[HappyGrace]

NicAnn, I really hope you are not referring to me. If so, please accept my apology. I knew you were Christian and was truly trying to give counsel from God's Word, as Christians should do with each other. I have been on these boards since the old format, 10 years, and I am NOT known as any kind of troublemaker here, and have been thanked many, many times for my contributions to these boards.  I'm so sorry if my thoughts were unhelpful in any way.

 

 

[HappyGrace]

Truth is not subjective. :)

 

Have a great night. ><>

[Catwoman]

Truth is not subjective. :)

 

Have a great night. ><>

Thank goodness you're at least going to be openminded about this. :rolleyes:

 

(OK, NicAnn -- I'm done now!!! )

[BrookValley.]

Truth is not subjective. :)

 

Have a great night. ><>

Yeah, but you don't get to decide what the 'truth' is for anyone but yourself. You are pot stirring. Big time.

 

NicAnn, this thread has been (mostly) refreshingly open-minded and positive; I think some great discussion has happened and I think it still can. Maybe I'm being naive, but I think it can be saved from derailment!

[NicAnn]

NicAnn, this thread has been (mostly) refreshingly open-minded and positive; I think some great discussion has happened and I think it still can. Maybe I'm being naive, but I think it can be saved from derailment!

I hope so too!

[Delirium]

I think a lot of people have managed to give you great advice and I applaud you for being open with your children about trans people. It can be difficult for even adults to understand. While your first grader might be too young for this, tried to phrase that in a way that was completely nonjudgmental of parenting style, I don't want to assume you do anything, something that has helped me explain it to people is "It isn't about who you want to go to bed with, and all about who you want to go to bed as."