I was just asked to stop nursing my baby at TARGET!

[Sue G in PA]

Here I am, sitting in the little snack/eatery at Target with 3 of my children and my 3 mos. old. Kids are happily and quietly eating their soft pretzels and baby is cranky and hungry. So, I do what I normally do...pick him up and begin to nurse him. Well, 3 minutes into this, a Target employee/manager comes over and asks me to stop b/c somebody complained! :angry: I said, "No way, I'm feeding my child". So the manger then asked me to use a blanket to cover up. I said I didn't have one. She said she would "requisition me one". WHAT? I said that wouldn't be necessary, he was almost done. She stood there with her arms folded and just stared at me. I looked her square in the eye and said, "This is not anything sexual. I am simply feeding my baby. AND, I am being discreet". She walked off in a huff just as baby boy was done. I am FURIOUS. INCENSED! So, basically, this uncomfortable customer's (it was most likely this father and his 10-12 yr. old son who was at the table next to us) rights are more important than mine and more specifically...my baby's? Teenagers walk around the store wearing shorts halfway up their butt and tank tops that barely cover their bOOks and nobody is "uncomfortable" but I nurse my child and whao boy! If my children had not been there, I would have completely lost it, made a scene and very loudly asked..."Will you kick me out of the store if I do not stop FEEDING MY CHILD and do not use a blanket ?". I am so angry. I have nursed many a baby of mine at Target, sometimes even just sitting cross-legged in the baby section or wherever I happen to be. I even nurse them while walking around the blasted store to save time! I've NEVER been asked to stop or "cover up". Okay, that is all. Rant over. GRRRRRRRRRR...............Oh, my dd11 was also ticked. She very loudly said, "you are feeding a baby. If somebody is that uncomfortable...then they don't have to look! Ahhhhh....the voice of reason.

[Jenny in Atl]

http://www.ncsl.org/programs/health/breast50.htm

 

I believe you are "covered" by the law on this one. :grouphug:

[Miss Peregrine]

I think you should have taken the blanket....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and told the employee to give it to whomever complained. He can put it over his head.

[Danestress]

http://www.ncsl.org/programs/health/breast50.htm

 

I believe you are "covered" by the law on this one. :grouphug:

 

Well, that says that she can't be charged with a crime. It doesn't say that a store can't ask her to stop.

[Starr]

I'm so sorry! That makes one furious. My husband is still mad at a Denny's employee for the same situation 14 years ago.

[Jennifer in MI]

Ohhhhh . . . I'm ticked off for you!!!!!! I think you handled it VERY well, FWIW. I cannot believe that manager had the NERVE to stand over you like you were a little child!!

 

Are you the letter-writing type??? I would SOOO write one. You were completely in the right here. I just did a quick google search and came across this quote:

 

"Target has a long-standing practice that supports breast-feeding in our stores. We apologize for any inconvenience the guest experienced and will take this opportunity to reaffirm this commitment with our team members.

 

"For guests in our stores, we support the use of fitting rooms for women who wish to breast-feed their babies, even if others are waiting to use the fitting rooms. In addition, guests who choose to breast-feed discreetly in more public areas of the store are welcome to do so without being made to feel uncomfortable."

 

This was after a woman was asked not to nurse in the fitting rooms!!! http://cbs2chicago.com/topstories/Target.Naperville.breastfeeding.2.328925.html

 

I just read a story (in Mothering, I think) about a woman who was asked to leave Pottery Barn for nursing her baby there. She wrote a letter and the president of the company called her!! She was a nursing mom who wanted help from this woman on how they could make PB more breastfeeding friendly!!! So, maybe you'll get a good response like that.

 

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[Pink Fairy]

That is outrageous! In this day and age it's shocking--but maybe I'm naive. I hope you are going to file a complaint with their corporate office.

 

BTW, I find this especially ironic because I recently complained to the manager at our local Target that I didn't appreciate the Cosmopolitan magazine with the half-naked woman and the headlines about "How to Give Him Screaming O*****s!" being right at a child's eye level in the checkout line. I was informed that it would be against Target's policy to remove it or cover it up.:confused:

[Michelle T]

Here I am, sitting in the little snack/eatery at Target with 3 of my children and my 3 mos. old. Kids are happily and quietly eating their soft pretzels and baby is cranky and hungry. So, I do what I normally do...pick him up and begin to nurse him. Well, 3 minutes into this, a Target employee/manager comes over and asks me to stop b/c somebody complained! :angry: I said, "No way, I'm feeding my child". So the manger then asked me to use a blanket to cover up. I said I didn't have one. She said she would "requisition me one". WHAT? I said that wouldn't be necessary, he was almost done. She stood there with her arms folded and just stared at me. I looked her square in the eye and said, "This is not anything sexual. I am simply feeding my baby. AND, I am being discreet". She walked off in a huff just as baby boy was done. I am FURIOUS. INCENSED! So, basically, this uncomfortable customer's (it was most likely this father and his 10-12 yr. old son who was at the table next to us) rights are more important than mine and more specifically...my baby's? Teenagers walk around the store wearing shorts halfway up their butt and tank tops that barely cover their bOOks and nobody is "uncomfortable" but I nurse my child and whao boy! If my children had not been there, I would have completely lost it, made a scene and very loudly asked..."Will you kick me out of the store if I do not stop FEEDING MY CHILD and do not use a blanket ?". I am so angry. I have nursed many a baby of mine at Target, sometimes even just sitting cross-legged in the baby section or wherever I happen to be. I even nurse them while walking around the blasted store to save time! I've NEVER been asked to stop or "cover up". Okay, that is all. Rant over. GRRRRRRRRRR...............Oh, my dd11 was also ticked. She very loudly said, "you are feeding a baby. If somebody is that uncomfortable...then they don't have to look! Ahhhhh....the voice of reason.

 

 

I think you should have covered up, AND I think the teenagers with short shorts or cropped tees should also cover up. What makes you think nobody is uncomfortable about the inappropriately dressed teenagers? People on this board complain all the time about such things, and I'm sure there are plenty of other people out there who would prefer not to see some teenage girls belly hanging out.

 

And plenty of people have no problem with a mom nursing a baby in public, but would prefer to have a blanket or something tossed over. Sure, babies need to eat, but I've never seen why it's a problem to be discreet about it. Like it or not, boobs are a sexual body part, as well as a food source, and if my DS, 12, saw a woman openly feeding a baby, you can bet he'd be staring (and later talking about) her boobs. I don't blame the man with a 10 year old son for not wanting to be flashed while they ate a pretzel.

Michelle T

[Mrs Mungo]

I agree with Jenny. I would definitely call the store and calmly inform them of the laws in PA that protect nursing women from harrassment. I would then call Target's corporate office to let them know about the incident and the laws in place in PA and the fact that they need to train their employees to be aware when they are in danger of violating a mother's right to feed her child. I might also mention the many nurse-ins and bad publicity that goes with it that have taken place across the country. No company wants bad publicity or a call from the ACLU.

 

Target Corporate Phone:612-304-6073

[Parrothead]

Well, that says that she can't be charged with a crime. It doesn't say that a store can't ask her to stop.

Yeah, it is private property. But in most states the owner would have to be the one to ask her to stop. I wonder how long it would have taken to get the owner of Target to this particular store.

 

You ought to buy stock in Target, that way you are a partial owner. :lol:

 

I'd have to be writing letters to corporate HQ about the incident and ask for their policy. If they don't have one or it is in favor of bf mom's I'd then mail or take a copy of that to the store manager.

 

If their policy is against bf mom's, I'd not shop at Target anymore. And let us know so we don't shop there either. (For those that want to participate.)

[Jennifer in MI]

And plenty of people have no problem with a mom nursing a baby in public, but would prefer to have a blanket or something tossed over. Sure, babies need to eat, but I've never seen why it's a problem to be discreet about it. Like it or not, boobs are a sexual body part, as well as a food source, and if my DS, 12, saw a woman openly feeding a baby, you can bet he'd be staring (and later talking about) her boobs. I don't blame the man with a 10 year old son for not wanting to be flashed while they ate a pretzel.

Michelle T

 

Um, wow. I have nursed my babies without ANY breast showing. My shirt would cover everything. I am a VERY modest person and would not be able to nurse any other way. But, I will absolutely NOT cover up with a blanket. My children wouldn't allow it. I also think that people need to get over it. She was feeding her baby!!!! Sue said she was being discreet - I highly doubt she "flashed" the man and his 10 yo son.

[Miss Peregrine]

MichelleT, Have you ever tried to eat with a blanket over your head?

[Chelle in MO]

What a shame that you were treated like that. I know what you mean about other scantily dressed people!

 

I was never one to be comfortable nursing in public so I rarely did it, but I don't think the "tattler" should have made an issue about it. People in general are so into wanting others to change their behavior instead of being willing to change their own.

 

Chelle

[Mrs Mungo]

I think you should have covered up, AND I think the teenagers with short shorts or cropped tees should also cover up. What makes you think nobody is uncomfortable about the inappropriately dressed teenagers? People on this board complain all the time about such things, and I'm sure there are plenty of other people out there who would prefer not to see some teenage girls belly hanging out.

 

There is *nothing* inappropriate about feeding an infant. Once a baby is a certain age they often will not tolerate having their head covered with a blanket or else they play peek-a-boo with it and make it *less* discreet not *more*.

 

And plenty of people have no problem with a mom nursing a baby in public, but would prefer to have a blanket or something tossed over. Sure, babies need to eat, but I've never seen why it's a problem to be discreet about it. Like it or not, boobs are a sexual body part, as well as a food source, and if my DS, 12, saw a woman openly feeding a baby, you can bet he'd be staring (and later talking about) her boobs. I don't blame the man with a 10 year old son for not wanting to be flashed while they ate a pretzel.

Michelle T

 

Personally, I teach my children to have better manners than to stare at anyone.

[Michelle T]

MichelleT, Have you ever tried to eat with a blanket over your head?

 

 

I'm hardly suggesting smothering the baby with a tight blanket. Loosely draping one over the shoulders doesn't seem to bother most babies, at least not most that I've known.

 

Michelle T

[at the beach]

I agree with Jenny. I would definitely call the store and calmly inform them of the laws in PA that protect nursing women from harrassment. I would then call Target's corporate office to let them know about the incident and the laws in place in PA and the fact that they need to train their employees to be aware when they are in danger of violating a mother's right to feed her child. I might also mention the many nurse-ins and bad publicity that goes with it that have taken place across the country. No company wants bad publicity or a call from the ACLU.

 

Target Corporate Phone:612-304-6073

 

:iagree: Sue, Do not just let this go! You deserve an apology for the harassment you got. In fact, they should give you a big fat gift card for the trouble they put you through. ;) How DARE they even think to approach you!!! Of all the nerve. This manager, or whoever, needs to be seriously set straight.

 

Good luck, and please do let us know what happens.

 

Anita

[Pink Fairy]

I think you should have covered up, AND I think the teenagers with short shorts or cropped tees should also cover up. What makes you think nobody is uncomfortable about the inappropriately dressed teenagers? People on this board complain all the time about such things, and I'm sure there are plenty of other people out there who would prefer not to see some teenage girls belly hanging out.

 

And plenty of people have no problem with a mom nursing a baby in public, but would prefer to have a blanket or something tossed over. Sure, babies need to eat, but I've never seen why it's a problem to be discreet about it. Like it or not, boobs are a sexual body part, as well as a food source, and if my DS, 12, saw a woman openly feeding a baby, you can bet he'd be staring (and later talking about) her boobs. I don't blame the man with a 10 year old son for not wanting to be flashed while they ate a pretzel.

Michelle T

 

Obviously I didn't see Sue, but I know when I nurse you can't see ANYTHING except the baby's head at "b**b" level. Why should that bother someone? And if it does, why is that Sue's problem? Why pick on a breastfeeding mother, violating Target's own policy, and not address the myriad of other examples you listed--the underdressed teens, for instance?

 

ETA: I don't mean YOU, Michelle, picking on Sue--I mean the store manager.

[at the beach]

I think you should have covered up, AND I think the teenagers with short shorts or cropped tees should also cover up. What makes you think nobody is uncomfortable about the inappropriately dressed teenagers? People on this board complain all the time about such things, and I'm sure there are plenty of other people out there who would prefer not to see some teenage girls belly hanging out.

 

And plenty of people have no problem with a mom nursing a baby in public, but would prefer to have a blanket or something tossed over. Sure, babies need to eat, but I've never seen why it's a problem to be discreet about it. Like it or not, boobs are a sexual body part, as well as a food source, and if my DS, 12, saw a woman openly feeding a baby, you can bet he'd be staring (and later talking about) her boobs. I don't blame the man with a 10 year old son for not wanting to be flashed while they ate a pretzel.

Michelle T

 

Breasts are absolutely not sexual in nature in every culture.

[Tenaj]

I'm hardly suggesting smothering the baby with a tight blanket. Loosely draping one over the shoulders doesn't seem to bother most babies, at least not most that I've known.

 

Michelle T

 

with you. It doesn't hurt to cover up and I can understand someone (especially if it was the Dad and teeen son who complained) being uncomfortable. What's the harm in throwing a blanket over the baby? I've been made uncomfortable in a church nursery with a Mom who didn't use a blanket and I'm a nursing Mom. Also, I've found that my babies tend to nurse better in public under a blanket because they are not being distracted by the sights and sounds going on around them.

[Jenny in Atl]

Like it or not, boobs are a sexual body part, as well as a food source, and if my DS, 12, saw a woman openly feeding a baby, you can bet he'd be staring (and later talking about) her boobs. I don't blame the man with a 10 year old son for not wanting to be flashed while they ate a pretzel.

Michelle T

 

If your son had seen them used in the manner they were "created" his whole life, he would not give a nursing woman a second glance. Breast in many cultures are not sexual. In some it's the thighs or buttocks. Because we have moved so far away from our body's true purpose(s), we have come to over-sexualize it. I nursed openly both my kids (no blankets, not hidden), and did so without ever causing a seen. I bet most of the time, if you had walked past me, you would have never even known what I was doing. Blankets call more attention to a fumbling mom and an over heated baby. Why is it I hear more remarks like this from women then men?

 

I'd like to see you try to eat under a blanket on a hot summer's day. :tongue_smilie:

[dragons in the flower bed]

Sue, if I were you, I would call my local LLL leader and let her know what happened, asking her to rally local breastfeeding moms to a nurse-in. Then I'd call the newspaper and local TV station and let them know about said nurse-in. What that manager did is illegal and immoral and should not be tolerated. I'm close enough to you that I'm tempted to go myself.

[Aubrey]

I wonder...

 

"Yes, thank you, I'd appreciate a blanket. And would you take one to Miss Cleavage who just walked by as well? And one more for Mr. Butt Cheeks? Although... if you've got one, a belt might serve him better.

 

"Thank you SO much for your concern. I was too afraid that it would overstep my bounds to ask for blankets to be passed out.

 

"Maybe next time--for convenience--there could just be a box at the door?"

 

Fwiw, I'm all for discretion. I'm personally not comfortable nursing w/out a blanket, although I've managed such discreetly w/, say, just my sis in the room. (See, I told you I'm uncomfortable w/ the whole thing, lol!) But from what I've seen of society lately, even if a nursing mom DID flash someone, that wouldn't be ANYTHING compared to...well...I'm pretty sure the mall here is over run by what dh calls "nontaxable commerce."

 

And based on what I've seen, if someone DARED comment to me on bf'ing, they'd sure be sorry. Maybe I'll be more docile in a couple of days?? :001_huh:

 

Anyway, sorry, Sue. I agree, you should write a letter.

[E_Edgerton]

I couldn't agree more with Jenny here...by covering up I think you are perpetuating this idea that it is sexual, instead of you just nursing your baby. :)

[Jen500]

I can see both sides of the issue (except being asked to stop nursing). I think the uncomfortable party should have moved, instead of complaining. I nursed a baby who was not discreet, although I tried to be. He was always pulling at my shirts, blankets, and my body parts that I was trying to keep covered. So I just decided that I'd feel more relaxed nursing him in private.

[Aubrey]

If your son had seen them used in the manner they were "created" his whole life, he would not give a nursing woman a second glance. Breast in many cultures are not sexual. In some it's the thighs or buttocks. Because we have moved so far away from our body's true purpose(s), we have come to over-sexualize it. I nursed openly both my kids (no blankets, not hidden), and did so without ever causing a seen. I bet most of the time, if you had walked past me, you would have never even known what I was doing. Blankets call more attention to a fumbling mom and an over heated baby. Why is it I hear more remarks like this from women then men?

 

I'd like to see you try to eat under a blanket on a hot summer's day. :tongue_smilie:

 

Since we're in the society we're in, I don't think it's quite fair to say that other societies are different or that ours *could* be if things were different, i.e., there were more bf'ing.

 

I think Michelle's comments came off a little more forceful than she may have intended them. (Maybe?) I think the same thing may have happened w/ your last line: it comes across pretty agressive, although I think your point was probably more neutral--that it's hot under a blanket in the summertime, & that there may be times when eating in such a way might be uncomfortable.

[Joanne]

I think you should have covered up,

 

 

And plenty of people have no problem with a mom nursing a baby in public, but would prefer to have a blanket or something tossed over. Sure, babies need to eat, but I've never seen why it's a problem to be discreet about it. Like it or not, boobs are a sexual body part, as well as a food source, and if my DS, 12, saw a woman openly feeding a baby, you can bet he'd be staring (and later talking about) her boobs. I don't blame the man with a 10 year old son for not wanting to be flashed while they ate a pretzel.

 

I've never understood people's confusion with "discreet" and "knowing that a baby is nursing".

 

I nursed all my kids a long time, hung around very crunchy moms, and had a large peer group when my closely spaced kids were very young. I was "featured" on TV for breastfeeding past 2 years, wrote articles and attended a nurse in. I went to at least one LLL conference.

 

In all that time, I've only seen ONE mom who nursed in a way that was not "discreet".

 

To the OP, I'd immediately call the local store, following up immediately with corporate.

[dragons in the flower bed]

Like it or not, boobs are a sexual body part, as well as a food source, and if my DS, 12, saw a woman openly feeding a baby, you can bet he'd be staring (and later talking about) her boobs.

 

A ten or twelve year old boy is mature enough to look away if it bothers him. A baby is not mature enough to soothe and feed when something (like a blanket) is bothering him. If you don't like what you see, look away. Most people don't have a problem with differentiating between child care and sex. Your standards may be different, but the whole world is not yours to arrange to your liking.

[SkateLeft]

To the OP, I'd immediately call the local store, following up immediately with corporate.

 

I agree. I would also contact your local LLL. Sometimes, a letter from LLL is all that's needed to educate people.

 

I know that here in CA, I'm legally permitted to nurse anywhere that I am legally permitted to be. :D

[Carol in Cal.]

I would not have taken the blanket either--I find those quite indiscreet compared to nursing clothes or a slightly raised shirt. And, frankly, by making a scene about it, they drew far more attention to it than the action itself would have created.

 

Until more women nurse everywhere, unfortunately, this kind of thing will happen from time to time.

 

I'm happy to say that it never happened to me. I got TONS of comments from wistful women who had tried unsuccessfully to nurse and had been unable to do so for one reason or another. They were always extremely encouraging.

 

There is a website that used to have cards to give to encourage nursing moms--so that positive feedback could be delivered without a potentially embarrassing conversation. The website is called Attachments, and they have lots of other great stuff as well--nursing friendly picture books and things like that.

[Remudamom]

Silly, silly, why wouldn't someone just move on or look away if it bothered them that much? Baby comes first.

[Aubrey]

Your standards may be different, but the whole world is not yours to arrange to your liking.

 

Just to be fair, neither are Sue's.

 

But the way I see this thread, the question isn't supposed to be about *whether* Sue was right or wrong, but *how* she was treated. I think it's too bad that the comments--on both sides of the issue--haven't stuck to being supportive of the outrage she felt.

 

And, in case I'm not being clear, I *do* read your post as supportive of Sue, I just feel badly for people who aren't allowed to have the opposite view of bf'ing. I don't think Michelle's comments were really on-topic in this thread or gently stated or anything, but I guess I'd rather see them fizzle out or get ignored than turn Sue's thread into a big debate. If I were Sue, I'd feel kind-of...embarrassed? Not sure that's the right word.

 

ETA: But I think a nurse-in is a great idea. Wouldn't that raise eyebrows!

[justme]

You should have said "by all means get a blanket- and give it to whoever is uncomfortable so they can put it over THEIR head and not have to see the nursisng baby"!

 

I would definitely call or write a letter of complaint to Target- corporate if necessary.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

:iagree:

[Murphy101]

Um, wow. I have nursed my babies without ANY breast showing. My shirt would cover everything.

 

In this case, maybe the benefit of the doubt could be given to the man that he did see something or his son did and he didn't appreciate it? The perspective of the mother nursing is not neccessarily the same viewing position as the man sitting across from her.

 

If your son had seen them used in the manner they were "created" his whole life, he would not give a nursing woman a second glance.

 

Blarney. MY sons have indeed seen them used for nursing nearly all their lives. I don't cover at home, although I don't walk around half naked or anything either. And my 13 yr old son is still male enough to notice a pair of b**bs if they come into vision. No, he's not some leering weirdo, but he certainly reacts to them differently than the occassional elbow crossing his vision.

 

It's a myth that men who respect and understand bf-ing suddenly don't view boobs as sexual any more. It rates right up there with the old wives tale that husbands shouldn't be at the birth of their children because they'd never want to have sex with their wife again afterward. Nonsense.

 

I've met few women who didn't cover and still nursed very discreetly in public. Mostly because the baby was very still and or the mother was umm not well endowed. For babies who like to move about and turn their heads and so on, a blanket tends to keep them from being distracted or accidently sending flashes in public.

 

I've nursed 7 of my 8 on demand I've never hesitiated to do so in public and never had a problem covering. In summer, a thin light shaw is wonderful for this. Or even just a small thin burb cloth over the boob area in use. If they are used to it from birth, they usually don't mind. Even so, I just used my free hand to hold the blanket in place so they can't pull it away. If they want to play, then they probably don't really want/need to nurse.

 

I asked my dh if he'd be bothered by a mother nursing uncovered in public. Let's say across from him in the snack area at Target.;) He said, no not neccessarily because he's used to bf-ing, but it would depend on if he got flashed. (Say when lifting shirt to latch on for example.) And yes, he is perfectly capable and willing to look away, but that wouldn't remove the random flashing he had already received just from glancing in a random direction. Would he say something? No probably not, but he'd certainly appreciate it if she'd get some cover. If I was with him, he might tell me so I can mention in a "mothers united" kind of way to the mother quietly that she's showing more than personality. ;) dh said he'd assume she didn't know from her vantage point that she was flashing.

 

I also don't get the attitude that if teens and walking around with butts hanging out and boobs and navels exposed, no one should say anything if an adult mother does it. It's not appropriate for either, but one would hope mother's would set a better example?

[LaMere Academy]

I think you should have taken the blanket....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and told the employee to give it to whomever complained. He can put it over his head.

Love it!

I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. You were absolutely right and you should call Target headquarters, law in front of you and let them know what happened and that you want an apology.

[CactusPair]

Sue, I'm proud of you and your 11 yo, the voice of reason. I've also nursed while walking around Target shopping. I've nursed everywhere and always discreetly, almost always without a blanket. Because

 

1. the baby hates a blanket on its face

 

2. no one could see anything as the baby covered me *completely*

 

Yes,the baby's head was much bigger than my book will ever be, even when filled with milk.

 

This is a topic that really gets me going! Grrrrr.

 

I think most people's discomfort comes not from the fact that they can see anything--they most likely can't! The discomfort comes from knowing that a few feet away from them a woman is using her bre**ts to feed a child. The discomfort comes from just knowing that the bre*st is there, peeking somewhere from a shirt, and being s*cked, s*cked, s*cked. It's their own mixed *feelings* about women's bre*sts, nursing, and se*uality that brings on the trouble, not the nursing itself.

 

Public nursing forces some people to deal with those confused, uncomfortable feelings and they don't want to, they can't handle it, and thus, they get mad.

 

A blanket acts like a bandaid for their problem. "Oh, she has a blanket on, now I can pretend it isn't really happening and go back to my comfortable spot where I'm not challenged by br*asts." I doubt that they ever reach the realization that bo*bs are a baby's food.

 

Rather than get embarrassed or angry men and their sons should take the opportunity to "deal with it". A parent can counsel a kid to appreciate women's bodies as something other than s*s objects and to talk about complicated issues involving s*xuality, br*asts, and nursing. The subject of nursing as the most nutritious, choice can be discussed. If the kid was nursed personal family history can be explored. Nursing isn't shameful or immodest and children--all people--should be taught this. I say talk about it rather than hide it.

 

A parent can also teach the art of self-control and looking away if a situation is "too much" for them personally to handle or if privacy necessitates it.

 

Perhaps it's audacious for me to say, but I think it's an excellent opportunity for a pre-teen or teen to witness public nursing and learn from it. I've talked about nursing with my dc all of their lives. They've seen animals do it, people do it. It's no big deal to them, and that's the way it should be. When they near the teen years, they might experience different feelings and we'll talk about those, too, as we should.

 

Ok, I'm off my soap box now.

 

Sue, you did great! You're a brave, bold mama! Thanks for sticking up for your baby and for nursing moms.:001_smile: The more women nurse publicly, the more respected --and re-accepted into our human, mammal culture --nursing will become.

[Mrs Mungo]

I also don't get the attitude that if teens and walking around with butts hanging out and boobs and navels exposed, no one should say anything if an adult mother does it. It's not appropriate for either, but one would hope mother's would set a better example?

 

Are you suggesting that teens in skimpy clothing and a nursing mother have the same motivations?

[Murphy101]

But the way I see this thread, the question isn't supposed to be about *whether* Sue was right or wrong, but *how* she was treated. I think it's too bad that the comments--on both sides of the issue--haven't stuck to being supportive of the outrage she felt.

 

Hmmm. I don't know if she's right or wrong. I wasn't the man sitting across from her. Should all feelings of outrage be supported? I wonder if he went home and posted on some forum he likes something like this:

 

"So I'm sitting in the Target snack area having a snack with my boy and this woman lifts her shirt and starts bf-ing. Now I've got nothing against bf-ing, but my boy got an eye full of boob and I was put rather off my feed. As a man, I didn't feel comfortable approaching her, but I mentioned it to the manager. The manager only asked that she cover some to be more discreet. The lady totally flipped. said she didn't have a blanktet. The manager offerred to loan her one, but she didn't want to do that either. Even the manager was rather appalled that she couldn't understand not everyone is okay seeing her boobs while they eat."

 

Now, I'm not saying any boobs were flashed. I'm not saying the other customers outrage was justified either.

 

But I don't know that we should always support feelings of outrage.

 

Sue, I'd be interested to know, did you firstly think that maybe you had accidently shown something? I would have. I always feel a bit exposed and hyper aware, so I'm inclined to give the benefit of the doubt if someone were to say anything. Such as at mass when completely covered. someone thought the act alone was indiscreet, no matter how covered, but when I acted all embarrassed and asked if they saw anythign - they had to admit there was nothign to see except their own sick imagination. Sometimes a simple OMGoodness how embarrassing moment goes a long way to making people more comfortable.

 

Did you ask the manager if they saw anythignmore than possibly a bit of cleavage and if that was why he was offerring a blanket? If so, I would have taken it. If not, then he just verified for himself that he isn't seeing anything and I don't need a blanket.

 

I'm sure you were horrified and embarrassed and shocked. I know I would have been! But that doesn't mean that the other party wasn't valid in some way, however small either. They weren't telling you not to bf. Possibly they were trying to convey to you that you weren't being as discrete as you thought you were, however unintentional??

 

Again, very pro bf-ing here...

 

So please don't think I am assuming that Target or the other customer was in the right. They may have been completely in the wrong, but I woudl like to give BOTH parties the benefit of the doubt until I know more.

:grouphug:

[HRAAB]

I just asked my dh two questions: what is the primary purpose of breasts, and do men (because he's a man) view a breastfeeding woman as being sexual. His answer: breasts are primarily for feeding babies - most natural thing in the world. And as far as he is concerned, men don't view breastfeeding women's breasts as sexual. Any man knows the difference between that and a woman with her b**bs falling out of her top.

 

And he's a very normal man.

 

This is ridiculous. Comparing a nursing mother to a half dressed teen. There is no comparison. Of course, imo.

 

Janet

[melissel]

I'm hardly suggesting smothering the baby with a tight blanket. Loosely draping one over the shoulders doesn't seem to bother most babies, at least not most that I've known.

 

Michelle T

 

Then you've never met mine. My oldest was happy to nurse under a blanket until she was around 9-10 months, then it was a big game to pull it off. My youngest would never, not once, tolerate a blanket over her while she was nursing. There are PLENTY of discreet ways to nurse a baby without any "forbidden" skin showing. I highly doubt Sue removed her shirt and bra to nurse at Target, for pete's sake.

[Sue G in PA]

Sue, I'm proud of you and your 11 yo, the voice of reason. I've also nursed while walking around Target shopping. I've nursed everywhere and always discreetly, almost always without a blanket. Because

 

1. the baby hates a blanket on its face

 

2. no one could see anything as the baby covered me *completely*

 

Yes,the baby's head was much bigger than my book will ever be, even when filled with milk.

 

This is a topic that really gets me going! Grrrrr.

 

I think most people's discomfort comes not from the fact that they can see anything--they most likely can't! The discomfort comes from knowing that a few feet away from them a woman is using her bre**ts to feed a child. The discomfort comes from just knowing that the bre*st is there, peeking somewhere from a shirt, and being s*cked, s*cked, s*cked. It's their own mixed *feelings* about women's bre*sts, nursing, and se*uality that brings on the trouble, not the nursing itself.

 

Public nursing forces some people to deal with those confused, uncomfortable feelings and they don't want to, they can't handle it, and thus, they get mad.

 

A blanket acts like a bandaid for their problem. "Oh, she has a blanket on, now I can pretend it isn't really happening and go back to my comfortable spot where I'm not challenged by br*asts." I doubt that they ever reach the realization that bo*bs are a baby's food.

 

Rather than get embarrassed or angry men and their sons should take the opportunity to "deal with it". A parent can counsel a kid to appreciate women's bodies as something other than s*s objects and to talk about complicated issues involving s*xuality, br*asts, and nursing. The subject of nursing as the most nutritious, choice can be discussed. If the kid was nursed personal family history can be explored. Nursing isn't shameful or immodest and children--all people--should be taught this. I say talk about it rather than hide it.

 

A parent can also teach the art of self-control and looking away if a situation is "too much" for them personally to handle or if privacy necessitates it.

 

Perhaps it's audacious for me to say, but I think it's an excellent opportunity for a pre-teen or teen to witness public nursing and learn from it. I've talked about nursing with my dc all of their lives. They've seen animals do it, people do it. It's no big deal to them, and that's the way it should be. When they near the teen years, they might experience different feelings and we'll talk about those, too, as we should.

 

Ok, I'm off my soap box now.

 

Sue, you did great! You're a brave, bold mama! Thanks for sticking up for your baby and for nursing moms.:001_smile: The more women nurse publicly, the more respected --and re-accepted into our human, mammal culture --nursing will become.

 

Well, I was going to respond to a number of the posts but you just did it for me! Thanks! :D For the record, I nurse VERY discreetly. My baby's head covers the entire br**st and my shirt cover the upper part that would be exposed. I lift my shirt to latch him on while he is already position in front of my br**st and I wear nursing bras. I am going to call the store and speak to the manager and then write a letter to corporate. Thank you for whomever posted Target's policy. Hmmmm...very interesting.

 

Oh, and just so you all don't think I'm being extremely unreasonable to NOT cover w/ a blanket...I'll say this. *I* am uncomfortable fiddling w/ the blanket. I end up drawing more attention to myself, my baby pulls it off or moves it or it falls off or whatever. Baby unlatches a bunch and repositioning him is very difficult under a blanket. I can be more discreet w/out the blanket than w/ it. AND, by the time that woman came back w/ the blasted blanket...baby would have been done anyway!

 

Sorry to have created such a debate...I really just wanted to vent b/c this particular issue is one that gets me all fired up. Guess I'll go post this in that "soapbox" thread now! :D

[HRAAB]

With my first I was so insecure about nursing that I was always trying to use a blanket. She hated it. In fact, she would kick and fuss so hard to get the blanket off, I would have been better off never using it in the first place. It was more of a potential cause of an accidental sighting than it was efficient in helping me be discreet.

 

Janet

[swellmomma]

That is horrible that she acted like that. I know when I bf my baby nothing shows and I do not use a blanket. Especially right now in a heat wave, she has enough of a heat rash from being in my arms nursing let alone how hot she would be with a blanket added. Even a loosely hung one could cause her to over heat, she has been getting over heated just being held or nursed while wearing nothing but a diaper.

[Murphy101]

Are you suggesting that teens in skimpy clothing and a nursing mother have the same motivations?

 

Does motivation matter?

 

I think the bottom line is the same, they are possibly unaware of how they are perceived.

 

Many teen girls that wear such clothes are not sl*ts or even trying to get a guy or whatver. In their minds, they are just wearing cute, cool, trendy clothes like all the other girsl at their school.

 

Many bf-ing women are unaware or uncaring of exposing more than neccessary. They aren't trying to be sexy, just to fed their baby.

 

In both cases it can be seen as immodest.

 

Men aren't walking around, getting an eyeful, however brief or accidental, and thinking, "Now there's a girl who's only showing her b**bs for good reason.":tongue_smilie: A mature man might not dwell on the sight, but I've never heard of one that noticed the reason before they noticed the b**b.

[Kathy in MD]

Hmmm. I don't know if she's right or wrong. I wasn't the man sitting across from her. Should all feelings of outrage be supported? I wonder if he went home and posted on some forum he likes something like this:

 

"So I'm sitting in the Target snack area having a snack with my boy and this woman lifts her shirt and starts bf-ing. Now I've got nothing against bf-ing, but my boy got an eye full of boob and I was put rather off my feed. As a man, I didn't feel comfortable approaching her, but I mentioned it to the manager. The manager only asked that she cover some to be more discreet. The lady totally flipped. said she didn't have a blanktet. The manager offerred to loan her one, but she didn't want to do that either. Even the manager was rather appalled that she couldn't understand not everyone is okay seeing her boobs while they eat."

 

Now, I'm not saying any boobs were flashed. I'm not saying the other customers outrage was justified either.

 

But I don't know that we should always support feelings of outrage.

 

Sue, I'd be interested to know, did you firstly think that maybe you had accidently shown something? I would have. I always feel a bit exposed and hyper aware, so I'm inclined to give the benefit of the doubt if someone were to say anything. Such as at mass when completely covered. someone thought the act alone was indiscreet, no matter how covered, but when I acted all embarrassed and asked if they saw anythign - they had to admit there was nothign to see except their own sick imagination. Sometimes a simple OMGoodness how embarrassing moment goes a long way to making people more comfortable.

 

Did you ask the manager if they saw anythignmore than possibly a bit of cleavage and if that was why he was offerring a blanket? If so, I would have taken it. If not, then he just verified for himself that he isn't seeing anything and I don't need a blanket.

 

I'm sure you were horrified and embarrassed and shocked. I know I would have been! But that doesn't mean that the other party wasn't valid in some way, however small either. They weren't telling you not to bf. Possibly they were trying to convey to you that you weren't being as discrete as you thought you were, however unintentional??

 

Again, very pro bf-ing here...

 

So please don't think I am assuming that Target or the other customer was in the right. They may have been completely in the wrong, but I woudl like to give BOTH parties the benefit of the doubt until I know more.

:grouphug:

 

Good points. I frequently don't see myself as others see me ....... until I take a horrified look in the mirror!

[melissel]

with you. It doesn't hurt to cover up and I can understand someone (especially if it was the Dad and teeen son who complained) being uncomfortable. What's the harm in throwing a blanket over the baby? I've been made uncomfortable in a church nursery with a Mom who didn't use a blanket and I'm a nursing Mom. Also, I've found that my babies tend to nurse better in public under a blanket because they are not being distracted by the sights and sounds going on around them.

 

I couldn't agree more with Jenny here...by covering up I think you are perpetuating this idea that it is sexual, instead of you just nursing your baby. :)

 

:iagree:

[sleepy]

If your son had seen them used in the manner they were "created" his whole life, he would not give a nursing woman a second glance.

 

:iagree: Nursing mothers aren't even on my son's radar.

[muffinmom]

Sue G, here's an example of one mom who did write a letter on this topic...but maybe you can be a little less intense than she was!

 

http://www.haikuoftheday.com/haiku_of_the_day/2006/05/express_yoursel.html

 

Funny, this is the 2nd time today I've posted this link.

[Carol in Cal.]

 

Oh, and just so you all don't think I'm being extremely unreasonable to NOT cover w/ a blanket...I'll say this. *I* am uncomfortable fiddling w/ the blanket. I end up drawing more attention to myself, my baby pulls it off or moves it or it falls off or whatever. Baby unlatches a bunch and repositioning him is very difficult under a blanket. I can be more discreet w/out the blanket than w/ it. AND, by the time that woman came back w/ the blasted blanket...baby would have been done anyway!

 

 

 

Lots of babies are like this--more conspicuous with the blanket than without. And frankly, the guy should have minded his own business. He was paying WAAAAY too much attention if he actually called management. Serious boundary issues as well, IMO. Now if it was someone you knew and they mentioned that things were a little less discreet than normal, maybe. Otherwise, heavens, keep your eyes to yourself and lighten up, would be my messages.

[PrairieAir]

I was once shocked by a woman nursing her baby in the middle of the mall. She had it ALL hangin' out, though, and that didn't even seem necessary. I was slightly uncomfortable just because it's not the norm in this country. There wasn't anything wrong with it, even if she was less discreet than I would have been. I certainly wouldn't have complained. I agree that our

society seems to be a little skewed with this false sense of modesty when it comes to nursing mothers and nowhere else.

http://www.getty.edu/art/exhibitions/bristol/bristol_nursing_z.html