After two years of homeschooling, could I really still be this clueless?

[SorrelZG]

After giving very serious and sober thought to next year's plans (back in February) I have found myself almost starting from scratch. And I've been rethinking a lot of what I thought I had learned in this past year.

 

I felt like I had learned a lot about what worked and didn't but the thought has been occurring to me in the past month or so that perhaps I don't really know *why* they worked or didn't and I began to doubt my confidence that I could recreate the successes in this new year with its new circumstances. For instance, (retorical questions just as an example) what if my problems with certain math curricula weren't really issues of style/child mismatch so much as issues of timing and, well, me still needing to learn a lot in regard to parenting and teaching a specific young child? And what if my successes were the result of effortlessness more than hitting the style/child jackpot?Also, perhaps I was not thinking as soberly as I thought I was about the first year raising a young family in a foreign culture.

 

I suppose I'm still not thinking soberly by even being disappointed that I was mistaken about what would be doable this coming year and possibly about what I thought I had learned. I just really wanted to think that I had grown in wisdom and knowledge (I've now homeschooled one child through K and 1st, you know) and wouldn't have to be scratching multiple whole subject plans to try again.

 

I also thought we could go on schooling in year round fashion but I need a break. I need to step back, get a little distance, read something nourishing, ...

 

Please be gentle but I would appreciate some encouraging reality checks (unless you had everything perfectly figured out at this point in your homeschooling journey in which case - please don't tell me :p).

[Ellie]

:grouphug:

 

I can assure you that there's a whole bunch of us standing behind you in the Clueless Line. :D I'm pretty sure it took five years for me to be fairly confident as a homeschooler.

 

Many years ago, a friend said that her mother was giving her grief about homeschooling. One day while my friend was reading through Proverbs, she happened on the verse that said, "The prudent sees the danger and hides himself, but the naive go on and are destroyed." (Proverbs 22:3) She decided that it would be prudent to hide herself for awhile, think about why she was homeschooling and if she really was satisfied with the way things were going, and she decided that yes, in fact, things were going pretty well, even if she didn't yet know all the answers.

 

Perhaps this is your prudent moment. :-)

[UrbanSue]

I felt super-confident about homeschooling until I started!

 

But I am recently in a place where I feel, I don't know, sober confidence, maybe? I feel good about what I'm doing right now, I feel open to re-evaluating that if and when necessary and I feel confident that other families have a lot of other valid ways to accomplish goals similar to mine.

 

And I'm about five years in. My oldest is going into fourth and when he was pre-k every kid his age was in school so we did a co-op that year. I've been in school mode since then. So maybe Ellie's on to something with the five-year thing.

 

But, day-to-day, there's plenty of cluelessnes.

[retiredHSmom]

When I first started home schooling I was confident. We had great years and my children learned a great deal, usually even more than I expected. Then, when my oldest daughter was in 5th grade I discovered online forums. In one year I began to question everything and we had a horrible year. I dropped out of forum land for another 5 years at that point.

 

Online communities can be quite a blessing but they come with many dangers as well.

[JanetC]

Why oh why?

 

Those darn kids keep growing up on me. It's like they have new maturity levels, personalities, capabilities, and priorities each year.

Also, they are not clones. What worked great for one 10 y.o., doesn't work two years later with the sibling.

And then life happens -- employment, medical, moving, family issues can't seem to confine themselves to non-school hours.

It does make you feel clueless sometimes!

What's the old saying, "We make plans, and God laughs"

 

Taking a summer break to rethink and recharge is a great idea.

[PeterPan]

Run this by me again. You're worried that you should be worried, and you're worried that you aren't worried about what you stopped worrying about? :)

 

I've never been to Cambodia, but I'm pretty sure an entire summer of travel would be HIGHLY educational and refreshing. And I'm equally sure that WHATEVER you got done there kicked butt and was adequate. And I'm TRIPLY sure that anything that WASN'T quite the same as what you would have idealized is balanced out by other fascinating things you did.

 

So whatever you're worrying that you should be worrying about, STOP! :D

 

Carpe Cambodium? Sorry, that's seize the Cambodia. Seriously, just make sure you're embracing the moment. Minor details like a science sequence or this or that can be ironed out later. Learn to read and do basic math. Then just embrace the opportunities you have and stop thinking that education in Cambodia needs to replicate some midwestern US education. It would be an utter shame if it did, frankly.

[prairiewindmomma]

I agree with the above. I think it's one of the reasons many experienced homeschoolers caution against purchasing all levels of a program all at once and against planning life through highschool graduation when your child is 4.

[trulycrabby]

Run this by me again. You're worried that you should be worried, and you're worried that you aren't worried about what you stopped worrying about? :)

 

I've never been to Cambodia, but I'm pretty sure an entire summer of travel would be HIGHLY educational and refreshing. And I'm equally sure that WHATEVER you got done there kicked butt and was adequate. And I'm TRIPLY sure that anything that WASN'T quite the same as what you would have idealized is balanced out by other fascinating things you did.

 

So whatever you're worrying that you should be worrying about, STOP! :D

 

Carpe Cambodium? Sorry, that's seize the Cambodia. Seriously, just make sure you're embracing the moment. Minor details like a science sequence or this or that can be ironed out later. Learn to read and do basic math. Then just embrace the opportunities you have and stop thinking that education in Cambodia needs to replicate some midwestern US education. It would be an utter shame if it did, frankly.

 

Can I double like this post? :laugh:

[Susan in TX]

I've been homeschooling for twenty years and I still don't have everything perfectly figured out. I don't think I ever will.

 

Susan in TX

[Guest]

All I know is that the further I get into this, the less I know.

[JudoMom]

I just finished my 5th round of 1st grade. I'm somewhat confident I have a handle on 1st grade now.

 

I've found that every time I think I've got a handle on this gig, something changes to throw me off.

 

I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing much of the time.

 

Baby steps....

[Hunter]

You did the impossible. You packed for a situation that was largely an unknown. Take that break and reevaluate, now that you have a better idea of what you will be facing.

 

Back in the 90s I had the advantage of pulling my 2E kid out of a horrendous situation. I just couldn't do worse, no matter what I did. I worried and fretted, but there was always the finality that whatever I did was better than PS. That really helped.

 

The more successful I was, the more I worried and was shamed by onlookers. That was the funny thing. So I started out pretty confident, but lost my confidence more and more as I proved that I was really good at this. :confused1: Once he was labeled as so gifted, there was all this stuff people thought he "deserved" that I couldn't give him.

[Beth in Mint Hill]

I've been homeschooling for twenty years and I still don't have everything perfectly figured out. I don't think I ever will.

 

Susan in TX

 

Yes! I was laughing when I read your heading... if it was me, it would have read: "5,10,20 years into this, and we are still trying to figure out how it should go!"

 

And as soon as you think that you DO have it figured out, as JanetC says above:

And then life happens!-- employment, medical, moving, family issues can't

seem to confine themselves to non-school hours....

What's the old saying, "We make plans, and God laughs"

 

And we should laugh with Him!

All I know is that the important lessons your kids learn are not from the books. Yet, great books are essential. Sort of ironic, but that's the way it is. Its the discussions that go on over the books, the dealing with life in a winsome way, and the loving of life that you get to do with your kids that are the most important lessons. Teaching them to care, to connect with others in a meaningful way, to recognize what is good in life--these are important lessons.

 

I feel strongly that 'homeschooling' is for us parents as much as it is for the kids. So yes! Take time off and relax.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Well, for starters, I think someone saying they have homeschooling all figured out would be about as eye-roll worthy as someone saying they have parenting all figured out.

 

Your rhetorical questions sound like you are borrowing trouble. Just let success be success. It is very possible to overthink this gig. Actually, I think we overthink it more often than we underthink it. I highly recommend you allow yourself a period of underthinking. I do this periodically, just flat out refuse to think anymore. It is a thing of beauty. I tend to read lots of children's novels, making sure not to tax myself too much. :lol:

 

Also, it is entirely possible to have a successful year for all the exact reasons you think you had a successful year and then start to flounder on the same path. It doesn't mean it wasn't real or that your analysis was incorrect; it may simply mean that the kids have changed.

 

Adding to what a pp said, the best thing I can do for my little homeschool when I am having a crisis of confidence is to stop reading (especially the boards) and start watching and interacting with my kids more. The kids have all the answers. Study the kids and they will answer your questions. :D

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

I tell people only half jokingly that I should have practiced on other people's children for math, too! (I do have phonics down after teaching it for 19 years.)

 

It took a while to get math figured out for my daughter. So, I get math figured out, and I have a son who would be fine with whatever I use in math, he is mathy. Sigh.

[Myeightkiddies]

This is my 27th year. We all have those moments. Each child is different. Each year is different. Over time, we just learn to roll with the punches. :laugh:

 

Did they progress? Did they learn something since last fall? Did everyone come out of the school year in one piece? If the answer to those questions is yes, pat yourself on the back and take a well-deserved break. You did great!

[PachiSusan]

"The prudent sees the danger and hides himself, but the naive go on and are destroyed." (Proverbs 22:3) She decided that it would be prudent to hide herself for awhile, think about why she was homeschooling and if she really was satisfied with the way things were going, and she decided that yes, in fact, things were going pretty well, even if she didn't yet know all the answers.

 

Perhaps this is your prudent moment. :-)

 

 

Ellie, thank you for this. This is exactly what I needed to hear today.

[PachiSusan]

You have gotten a lot of great advice. I am humbled and blessed to be a part of this site where there are so many intelligent and caring women who take the time to answer pleas like this. You are not alone!!

 

You said:

After giving very serious and sober thought to next year's plans (back in February) I have found myself almost starting from scratch. And I've been rethinking a lot of what I thought I had learned in this past year.

 

That is the sign of a truly sentient being. Human nature is sometimes to just crash through everything without thinking, but the mark of maturity is knowing when to take a step back and re-evaluate where you are and where you are going. This is not a bad thing!!!

 

I suppose I'm still not thinking soberly by even being disappointed that I was mistaken about what would be doable this coming year and possibly about what I thought I had learned. I just really wanted to think that I had grown in wisdom and knowledge (I've now homeschooled one child through K and 1st, you know) and wouldn't have to be scratching multiple whole subject plans to try again.

 

You HAVE grown in both wisdom and knowledge. Our society really doesn't put much stock in acknowledging our mistakes, so it might not feel like you have grown. If, (and I say *IF* because only you can know if it truly isn't working or if it just needs more time) you need to change it up, that's perfectly okay. Again, the mark of a good home educator, in my opinion, is one that can take the microscope of self introspection and adjust accordingly.

 

I also thought we could go on schooling in year round fashion but I need a break. I need to step back, get a little distance, read something nourishing, ...

 

There is nothing wrong with taking a break and nourishing your heart and soul. I'm sure you all would enjoy it. Then get back in the fray when you are stronger in what you're wanting to accomplish.

 

Please be gentle but I would appreciate some encouraging reality checks (unless you had everything perfectly figured out at this point in your homeschooling journey in which case - please don't tell me :p).

 

I'll end with a possibly inflammatory statement: If anyone has it perfectly figured out, they're lying. :lol:

[SorrelZG]

I'm taking deep breaths. I'm rereading and meditating upon (but not overthinking! lol) these encouraging and comforting words.

 

It is humbling and I too feel blessed.

 

Thank-you ladies.

 

(I would love to think that this is where I wander off from the forum and retreat like a caterpillar into it's cocoon and am not seen until September when I return butterfly-like with a realistic plan and abundant [sober] confidence .. but I *am* working on TRULY being sober and realistic. :p)

[lamolina]

I can't give you a lot of answers about the actual school/curriculum part, but I do understand the new culture aspect. I started homeschooling about a year ago, right after a move to South America. I think probably ANYTHING you got done in your first year in a new culture is amazing. Please don't be too hard on yourself, as this adjustment is huge. Take your time and remember the amazing things your kids are learning in Cambodia! Things they could never, ever learn in any book.

Hang in there and give yourself lots of grace. They are little and you have lots of time!

[SorrelZG]

I can't give you a lot of answers about the actual school/curriculum part, but I do understand the new culture aspect. I started homeschooling about a year ago, right after a move to South America. I think probably ANYTHING you got done in your first year in a new culture is amazing. Please don't be too hard on yourself, as this adjustment is huge. Take your time and remember the amazing things your kids are learning in Cambodia! Things they could never, ever learn in any book.

Hang in there and give yourself lots of grace. They are little and you have lots of time!

 

Thank-you. I definitely underestimated the stress of cultural adjustment. It has taken me quite by surprise.

[Hunter]

Thank-you. I definitely underestimated the stress of cultural adjustment. It has taken me quite by surprise.

 

Cultural adjustment is very ungrounding. It can shake you right off your foundation. There are those who exist in another culture without being affected by it, and on the other end of the spectrum, are those who are completely swallowed up by it. Most of us adapt somewhere in the middle.

 

All ideas of what is "right" and "wrong" and "good" and "bad" are evaluated. The attention that needs to be paid to not being "rude" is exhausting. It can put you on hyper-alert all the time, and make you feel bad about yourself.

 

It can shake you religious faith. It can shake just about ANYTHING you took for granted before.

 

I really envy some shallow, bigoted people I know who have lived in a small area all their lives, and don't question the way they and their own do ANYTHING, and think the whole rest of the world is "wrong". I do. I really do. I wish I didn't know 9/10 of what I do, because I learned it all the hard, exhausting, painful way, and don't feel like I belong anywhere. And I'm tired and scarred.

 

You and your children will be forever changed by this time in another culture. You are changing is so many deep and profound ways, that you cannot even fully notice right now. But your brains are working on overdrive, processing, processing, processing.

 

You know how slow your computer works when it is updating itself? That is what is happening to you. A lot of brain power is being used up on adapting. There is limited brain power left over after that, for other things.

 

Take some time to moonwatch. We all see the same thing. :D Large things with a rhythm are grounding. Moonwatching is more complicated that people think, if you are keeping track of WHERE and WHEN the moon rises and sets.

[RootAnn]

I've only been doing this homeschooling thing for seven years (with three trips so far through K & 1st & another one starting K in the fall) and I think I know less now than I did at The Beginning. In some ways, I'm more confident. (I now lean toward more play & less seat work in K because lots of workbooks, even for a kid who loves them, can be a mistake.) I'm less confident. (Where did I go wrong with Child X in Subject B? How can I create a better foundation for Y in Other Subject so they will love [Whatever It Is I Want Them To Love]? How can I make time for them to use all these great, creative materials when we struggle with the basics?)

 

In the midst of planning for next year, I'm constantly trying to figure out where I can simplify so they have more time ... and at the same time, oogling yet another shiny program I can buy that will make my job easier, their learning more fun, and wash my kitchen floor for me every week.

 

You're not alone. You're doing just fine. Rest. Relax. Adjust.

 

And then just keep swimming!

[justamouse]

Ohh this happens all the time. (((hugs)))

 

And, I really agree with Hunter that 1. homeschooling is hard, and that 2. adding an international move to it? WOW.

 

We moved 30 minutes away and it set our homeschool into a tailspin for a year (like Hunter said, very ungrounding). I can't imagine a cultural change.

[momto2Cs]

Just popping in to say I've been homeschooling for seven years now, and feel clueless pretty frequently... like now. I thought i had everything planned out for fall, but I'm doubting it all.

[CyndiLJ]

When I first started home schooling I was confident. We had great years and my children learned a great deal, usually even more than I expected. Then, when my oldest daughter was in 5th grade I discovered online forums. In one year I began to question everything and we had a horrible year. I dropped out of forum land for another 5 years at that point.

 

Online communities can be quite a blessing but they come with many dangers as well.

 

 

I have only recently figured out how true this is. We have homeschooled for four full years now, starting our fifth, and the times I feel the least confident in what we are doing comes after I have spent too much time on these boards. That has nothing to do at all with what people are saying here or that anyone is trying to make me feel that way, but the successes and high levels of acheivement noted here of so many homeschooling families can be a little demoralizing from time to time. I know that speaks more to who I am as a person and not who others are...and I am not particularly proud of myself as I admit that.

[Mommy22alyns]

Oh gosh, totally normal!! And then you moved internationally too? That's amazing. I do have some things that consistently work and I keep using them, but I think I'm going to change writing this year and I got cold feet about most of the science in MFW CTG and have ordered some things to add to it. And now I have to structure something totally new!

 

And taking a break? You deserve it! I tried a few times to go year round, but we just need that break in the summer. And now it's pretty much imperative because of Rebecca's gymnastics schedule.

[texasmama]

Well, it took me a year and a half of homeschooling and arriving at this forum to realize I had been doing it all wrong! (Kind of tongue in cheek but with lots of reality.) Then I made some changes. Then the kids got older. Then SWB didn't release her follow-up to FLL so I despaired and gave up grammar for a year with my oldest. (True story.) Then I figured out that some of what we were using wasn't working in spite of trying so hard to make it work. So I gave myself permission to come up with a better plan. I also learned that the fabulous math program that we had used for five years had flopped at level 6 for the oldest kid...but, as I am prone to do, I persevered and pushed on in spite of the badness of fit. So there's that. And now he will be redoing that level of math with a different program. No big deal, though. And I will be doing two different pre-Algebra programs with two different kids next year, And I have used neither program. And language arts is my strong suit. ;)

 

BUT...that first year and a half when I didn't know what the heck I was doing and didn't even know it? It was such a great, healing, wonderful time for me and my boys. Good stuff. And the rest of it just made me understand a couple of things: Every kid is different. What worked for one may not work for another. If it doesn't work for me as a teacher, it won't work for the kids. Change is good. Don't plan more than one year at a time, and take it as it comes.

 

My kids are doing very well, and so am I. I'll bet your kids are doing well, too, OP. (((hugs)))

[SorrelZG]

You ladies are so awesome. This is very therapuetic for me.

 

Hunter, it's like you have your finger right on my pulse. It's so comforting to hear my experience put into words as a real and not uncommon because so often I just feel weak and part of my mind is accusing me as pathetic because it doesn't recognize why any of this should feel so difficult, especially when it doesn't *always* - it comes and goes. Talking with other foreigners helps to ground myself but I only see them once a month.

 

 

[Sahamamama]

We're finishing up 2nd and K (twins) and we've been at this from the beginning. I still feel clueless at times, and I'm not living in Cambodia.

 

:grouphug: Don't be too hard on yourself.