Can we talk about homeschool groups?

[Trivium Academy]

I walked away from a meeting yesterday feeling like an outcast. Why? Because every single person who I talked to asked if I needed help with curriculum or needed information about homeschooling, which my reply was "no".

 

I understand that the groups main purpose is to help and encourage new homeschoolers but where does that leave someone like me? I actually felt like I was annoying the veterans that spoke to me.

 

I know the common ailments of a general homeschooler (yes, I'm generalizing but this is what I have observed)

- unorganized, always looking for a solution to some problem

- confused about curricula, learning styles, etc.

- feelings of guilt over time spent doing lessons vs. busyness of life

- feelings of inadequacy while trying to juggle being at home and teaching at home or comparisons of other hslers to themselves

 

I get it. Really I do. But if I don't have these problems, does this make less attractive as a friend to other hslers? One of the women who leads the group, which is a veteran, told me she hasn't even cracked a book for her kids' new year and I didn't know what to say to that. I wasn't judging her but I knew if *I* shared what my status is, I would be judged.

 

I've worked hard to get where I am now, which I would label as a comfort zone. I'm comfortable with the curricula we have, we have goals we're working towards, I'm not distracted as easily by others' successes or curricula they are using, I've made a plan and we're working it. I've read all the hsling books on the subjects I feel the weakest, consulted other hslers (you mainly) regarding other areas I feel weak and I'm being proactive in changing those areas. I'm not perfect by any means, but I am working on my weak areas instead of still looking for solutions/ quick fixes.

 

Is the price of my hard work not being able to connect with others?? I feel like if I'm honest about what we're doing, which is so different from what their comfort zones are (using ABeka, Bob Jones, etc.) I will alienate myself from potential friends. I know I can be intimidating, really I do but is this *my* problem or others? Part of me says, it's others problem but then I'm the one who's looking for a friend. :001_huh:

 

I'm still a newbie by regular standards in practical experience but when I sit and listen to a 16 year veteran speak and I hear nothing new or learn anything from listening, I feel like I'm in a different category. It's all your fault! Lol. I've learned so much here talking to you, things I think take others YEARS to learn or experience.

 

Any advice? I have another group I'll be meeting later this month and I'd like to make some friends or at least find friendly acquaintances that don't look like they tasted something bad when I say we're okay on the hsling front.

[elegantlion]

:grouphug: When we moved to our new community I was looking for other homeschoolers in our church. I asked one homeschooler about support groups just for information. She stated, "We don't do those" and then basically ignored me. I felt very outcast.

 

I would try to find other commonalities with these people. You are one of the most prepared thoughtful homeschoolers, that might be intimidating to some. Perhaps you could steer the conversation in way that they could help you, things to do in your city for homeschoolers, reasons why you homeschool, etc. As you get to know people I would try to avoid the curricula talk at all and find a topic in which they could be the expert.

 

You have a online personality that exudes grace and warmth, it shouldn't take them too long to realize that about you.

[Pongo]

:grouphug: sorry about that I know you were really excited about going.

 

Similar story here, so 5 years ago I started a co-op that now has 26 classes and 35 families, and quiet honestly I would love for the phone to stop ringing on some days.

 

Jessica I treat homeschooling as I did my job as an RN. Organized, scheduled, on time and some would call it "type A" I always thought of it as responsible:D

I have wonderful friends that waffle over curricula, change mid-year, start planning the day before they start and I love them dearly. They don't judge me and I don't judge them. Homeschooling is only a fraction of WHO I am, there is so much more, and there is in you too.

 

I think you should find out who in your group has children the ages of your own. Start a weekly or bi-monthly park day where each mom brings something like a craft, snack, drinks etc. Sometimes I think we LOOK like we are ALL SET, got all our ducks in a row, and well, we don't need what anyone else has. The fact is all I wanted was friendship, and it sounds the same for you. Try to take the homeschooling aspect out of it, and set up play dates instead.

 

First impressions are a funny thing, I think we all like a level of need. You always give so freely your ideas schedules and more. You want to give and make the road easier for those that haven't traveled it yet. No shame in that. There is much to be learned from veterans, even though I read everything, and scheduled evertyhing, the calmness they have knowing it will be all right, is exactly what I need. They bring me back to earth, life will happen and I WILL have to roll with it, the schedule will be on hold but, as my dear friend will say "it will be alright" , and it always is;)

[angela in ohio]

I handled it by just not talking about curriculum. I talked about recipes, homemaking, the children in general, etc. The veterans may no have experience schooling the same wya, but they do have experience raising children, which you can draw from.

 

I would seek out the few people I could find who had the same homeschool philosophy as I do. That's how I met my best friend many years ago - at a meeting of unschoolers, LOL.

 

Now I am in a community of homeschoolers who are interested in classical education, and I can talk away, as many ask me about it (I have older dc now, which also makes a big difference.) I still don't talk a lot of specific levels, because my dc have some learning differences, but it is easier to talk about different curriculum and such.

[TraceyS/FL]

I think that is one of the reason our group works so well - we will answer questions and help when you need it, BUT, overall it is more social for the adults, and doing "stuff" for the kids.

 

Maybe that is why i didn't click with the group i went to here - like you, i'm pretty confident in my searches for my direction. I just want to hang with other HS mom's and all that. That group has really dissolved.

 

SOOO, move down here :D

[Jen500]

I agree w/Angela. I meet w/ an informal homeschool group and many of them have a different approach to hs'ing than what would work for our family. But I've found that we can still talk about local activities/attractions, meals, minor family issues, etc. Some of them quickly realized I'm not interested in discussing Abeka or Calvert etc, and I've become good friends with a few. I'm the kind of person that doesn't need to 'click' with a lot of people--I'm happy to find one or two good friends within a group. Plus, I'm sure you have SO much general advice and support to offer other newcomers. I love talking to hs'ers that are in a comfort zone!

[dragons in the flower bed]

I walked away from a meeting yesterday feeling like an outcast. Why? Because every single person who I talked to asked if I needed help with curriculum or needed information about homeschooling, which my reply was "no".

 

Perhaps you could try talking about something besides homeschooling, or peripherally related, like local sources of fresh produce, what books you've read lately, the virtues and flaws of the different libraries in your local system, or cooking?

 

This may sound silly, but I ask for everyone's opinion about curricula, despite being content with what I'm using. People just want something to say, and someone to listen, and that's a subject I can listen intelligently about. If they're really so judgmental that they can't recognize the virtue of individualized homeschooling, ick, move on. But if you can get away with a non-committal, "Oh, I'd never thought of it that way," or, "It sounds like you've really found your groove! Isn't that a great feeling, when it clicks?" then this sort of talk will break the ice. The key, I think, is to talk about their curricula, not yours. If someone walks up to you and says, "Do you need advice about textbooks?" flip it on them. Instead of saying, "No, I like being a CM'er," say, "What textbooks are you using?"

[Jenny in Atl]

At least you have found (possibly) a group that you have something in common with.. faith, right? I feel totally at a loss when it comes to groups. We do have one "inclusive" group near by, but it's a mess, few left and very unfriendly. Sometimes your just have to let go and accept that your curriculum choices are different. You will come here to talk shop and there to find friendships. I've come to believe finding homeschooling friends for me and my kids - is just not in the cards.

[Plucky]

We don't make talking about curriculum our main focus. On occasion someone needs a suggestion or we might mention what we use but for the most part it isn't very important. My best homeschooling friends don't school anything like me. One uses Abeka, another unschools, while my favorite friend hires tutors for her kids. Focus on the people and the kids and you'll find connections. The curriculum all of us use is a very small part of who we are.

[Parrothead]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I know what it is like to be outcast from a homeschool group and it isn't pleasant for what ever reason. Ours is because of religious differences. Not exactly the same, but hurtful none the less.

 

Do you have contact info for one of the group's coordinators? Call and ask if that meeting was an orientation type meeting for new homeschoolers. Explain what happened and how you felt. Maybe it was a misunderstanding.

 

If not, hopefully the next group will work out for you.

[Nestof3]

Well, if there were a group in my area that advertised its purpose was to help new homeschoolers, I honestly wouldn't go. I do meet with other WTM ladies once a month, but I have never noticed those generalizations you listed among them. In fact, I've never noticed these "ailments" in any homeschooler I ever met. They all feel confident, for the most part, organized and capable. Perhaps that's because none of them is a new homeschooler.

 

I did meet two ladies at swim lessons who homeschool. One has a 6 year old and she schools for 6 hours a day (with Abeka), has a school room with a desk and starts the day off with the pledge of allegiance. The other uses a homeschool organization which actually holds classes, so SHE really doesn't do the homeschooling. So, I did not feel a close connection with either of them, but I respected them as homeschoolers and talked about what we COULD connect on. I felt that eventhough their choices were very different from mine, they were quite comfortable with them, and it wasn't my place to deem their choices lower than mine. I even typed up a list of some websites I mentioned in conversation to which they were very grateful.

 

Are you sure you were reading them correctly? Perhaps they were not annoyed that you didn't need any help -- perhaps they just didn't know how to connect with you. I will be honest in saying that you do indeed go beyond the average homeschooler -- tailoring curricula, blogging, organizing as you do. I too go beyond the norm. Not everyone feels the need to do so. Some are perfectly happy using all Abeka and never reading a homeschool help book. People are all wired so differently. Again, I probably wouldn't meet with a group whose purpose was to help the newbie, but I also accept that finding a homeschooler just like me -- or someone who will say something I haven't heard or read -- will not be the norm. I am, though, thrilled everytime I meet a fellow home educator.

[Bee]

The group we used to belong to was so diverse that it was almost not permitted to talk about curriculum or educational choices.No one wanted to offend any one else's beliefs about education,faith,or almost anything else.

[sunshine]

I wish you lived here, you could counsel people who are looking to achieve that level of comfort. I am there too and am constantly being asked how to get there. You are obviously teaching to your own children's needs and know what they are, you are doing great!! Walk tall and sometimes you don't need to go to meeting unless a really good speaker is going to be there!! OR a good activity for the kids. be selective so that you won't feel like you did before.

Sending you encouragement and blessings!!

[Sophia]

Is the price of my hard work not being able to connect with others??

 

Only if you let it.

 

Honestly, if a veteran homeschooler told me she hadn't looked at books yet, my response would have been "Sounds like you've had a busy summer! What fun things have you been doing?" Especially if I was new in the neighborhood and was wanting to find out what everyone else is doing.

 

A response to a queries offering assistance is "I have the academics covered, but I'd love to know about park days, local field trips, etc.

 

I'm a veteran homeschooler; you have more organizational skills in your little pinky than I have in my entire body:lol::lol:but...we're so much more than that, aren't we?

 

:grouphug:

It takes time breaking into a new neighborhood; hang in there and focus on your commonalities, not differences.

[Closeacademy]

It took me a while to make homeschooling friends and it really only happened because my best friend moved to the area and she got a bunch of us connected. We now have a park day where the kids get to play and we all hang out and talk. Sometimes we talk about homeschooling, sometimes the kids and all the time about life.

 

Over the past year it has been wonderful as some of us have had babies, health problems and such and we have come to depend upon each other. I didn't have that 2 years ago and I've lived in my town for 20 years.

 

Good luck and I hope the other group works out better for you.:001_smile:

[Trivium Academy]

I guess my expectations were a little high, I've only been to two hs group meetings (other groups) prior to this one where people recognized you as a "new" person and was intentionally welcoming. I found myself having to initiate and I'm a little shy at first. :D I tried to talk to those I saw with kids the same ages as mine but it was hard.

 

I'll chop this up as a one-time experience and the next one I'll go in with some questions about field trips and park days, playdates- the actual reasons why I'm looking for a homeschool group to begin with. I really just want to connect with 1 or 2 homeschool families and get together every now and then, it doesn't even have to be with the group.

 

I just want to say it, when I said the 16 year veteran said nothing new I meant in her talk. I'm sure she has plenty of wisdom and experiences to share about her journey but the individual talk she gave, I was just nodding my head a lot.

 

This is all new to me, getting to know other hslers that have in your face opinions. I've had one hsling friend that was similar to me in philosophy and goals but different enough where I was constantly learning from her.

That's all to say, I appreciate your suggestions, I can see where it would make a difference! :) Thank you.

[Sweetpeach]

Throwing this out there very gently . . .

 

I have a few homeschooling friends, but we never, ever talk homeschooling. It just seems like such a waste of time . . . especially when I can come here and get reasonable, educated, experienced answers to my questions.

 

Even more truthfully, I don't really press in with other homeschoolers . . . and I certainly don't enjoy "homeschool groups." We connect with 2 other hs'ing families and that's it -- the rest of our life is very mainstream.

 

The advice other's gave about finding some common ground apart from your hs'ing experience is, imho, very wise. I honestly don't believe that a shared homeschooling experience is a good connecting point for starting a friendship . . . it's as random as saying all the brunettes should be friends because, well, we're brunettes.

 

T

[autumndivona]

Homeschool groups, like any group (spiritual groups, social groups, etc.), can be difficult to get "in". Even online forums pose a challenge - especially in tight-knit communities, such as the WTM forum. It is easy to feel like an outsider for the first few months, even as you try to fit in.

 

Ultimately, if a homeschool group WANTS members, they need to be outgoing with newbies. If the newbies are making an effort to converse and get to know people, and the "regulars" are doing the same, then everything should be fine.

 

It is hard to connect with others, and it sounds like you were making an effort. The people of the "in" group needed to do the same. It is a two-way street.

[autumndivona]

 

Any advice? I have another group I'll be meeting later this month and I'd like to make some friends or at least find friendly acquaintances that don't look like they tasted something bad when I say we're okay on the hsling front.

 

When you check out the other group, be completely forthright and say that you've been doing this for ___ years, and are comfortable with the methods and curricula you are using. Then say that you would like to meet other HSers who are in that same sort of "zone" as you are - comfortable, yet still looking for someone to bounce ideas off of from time to time, and to commisserate; perahps even someone who follows the same educational methods and/or uses the same curricula.

[Danestress]

You just have to be a friend. You don't have to share the same set of problems or concerns. They can be at a total loss and you can be very confident, and if the "friendship chemistry" is right, it won't matter.

 

You will move through lots of stages in your years parenting (and just living). You may not be quite so confident about your homeschool choices when your children are in 9th grade. But hopefully friendship doesn't depend on that.

 

I'm not sure whether it's your problem or theirs, but some people join a homeschool group for friends (you might fit in there at this point in your life) and others join for exchange of information, ideas, and encouragement. It may be that you are running into women who aren't really looking for social connections and friendship as much as homeschool specific inspiration.

 

If that's the case, I would broaden my search for friends and focus on non-homeschoolers - I'd focus on people I really just *like* rather than on who around me is also homeschooling. And then I would evaluate whether I really need a homeschool group and why. You might decide you need it so that your kids have the opportunities. Or you might decide that you don't need it at all.

[Vicki]

I imagine that was a typical meeting for August. I'm sure the group uses their meeting in August as an intro into homeschooling. It is probably also the time when they have more new homeschoolers attending and wanting to know how to homeschool. I would give them another chance.

God bless,

Vicki

[muffinmom]

I would use these opportunities to develop relationships, for you and your kids. Homeschooling styles can be secondary to getting to know the people.

 

I belong to a group in my neighborhood that is wildly diverse, we don't even talk about homeschooling curricula that much, though it doesn't mean we don't share some experiences or advice with each other. Mainly, we're developing relationships with nearby people to lean on and for our children to get to know and have fun with. Yeah, I'm more organized than many of them, but I've been using that as an opportunity to help those who feel "handicapped" in that area. It's enjoyable to share what I've learned with other people (when they want to know, of course!). Not to mention a great way to get to know them.

 

Jessica, you probably have a lot that they could learn from (as we all have here). Just accept that whatever group you're in, you may forever be the one with the most organization and purpose, so you may often be in a mentoring position.

 

Give it some time, maybe a new close friend for you is closer than you think!

[Carol in Cal.]

So I do that here.

 

With my homeschooling friends, I talk about knitting, books I have read, field trips, local arts, sports, and science classes, and a little politics.

 

I used to think that I wanted people to talk with about homeschooling, and I have come to accept the fact that newbies are very draining, and oldtimers don't want to talk about it anymore. I go ahead and put myself out there to be drained by newbies from time to time, but I don't plan my life around it.

 

I like the coops that I have participated in, but I don't try to talk others into doing things my way except in that situation. I do offer classes (free) from time to time, and find friends for my DD and for myself that way--I enjoy teaching so this makes sense to me. I also respond to similar invitations. But I don't negotiate much. The classes I offer I just describe--they are take it or leave it propositions. The classes I take DD to are the same way.

 

This last year I have been blessed to find a Christian homeschooling group that has MNO's, and have benefitted greatly from their fellowship and love and information. It has been such a relief to be able to air the Christian side of my homeschooling for the first time, and to pray with other likeminded moms. But honestly, as great as this has been for me, I would have been OK without it.

 

For me, homeschooling groups are the icing on the cake, and what great icing they can be! I am very grateful to have this forum to talk about curriculum and such, so that I don't feel the need for that specific outlet in local groups--since it flat out does not exist here.

[Nestof3]

Jessica,

 

I also wanted to add that if you lived close by, I'd love to hang out with you and talk homeschooling. I too love everything about it. Ask Cecilia. I felt like such a nerd checking out her bookshelf. We sat on the floor looking through her books.

 

Are you sure God's not calling your husband to preach in Va Beach? ;)

[prairiegirl]

Our hs group is very laid back. We don't meet on a regular basis. When we do meet it is usually for field trips or co-op like meetings. When we do get together, though, it is more social. We talk about anything and everything under the sun. Sometimes I wish that we would talk more about curriculum and hs issues but as I am reading this thread it occurs to me that this is why I come here. So I am getting that need met here.

 

Also, in our hs. group, most of the families are more structured than I am. They follow WTM more to the letter than I do so we don't always see eye to eye on certain issues.

 

After 4 yrs. of hsing, though, I have finally found another hsing mom who has similar ideas about educatonal philosohy as I do. We talk about hsing things quite often. I am very thankful for her friendship. Next month we will be getting together to do living math with both of our famiies. I am so excited about this.

 

I am writing all of this to say: be patient. It is the beginning of the school year so their focus is probably on newbies and giving out basic advice. I would give it a bit more time to see if attitudes change over the course of few months.

[Trivium Academy]

First I want to thank you all for responding and not bashing me completely on the head. I feel much better equipped for the upcoming meeting on how to approach others and what in the world to talk about. Although it would be nice to find someone with similar hs goals, I realize that isn't my main reason for seeking a hs group.

 

I want my kids to have opportunities to play with other hs kids, I feel like dd8 has repeatedly said, "we homeschool", "my mom teaches me" and had to answer so many questions lately about it that I want to give her a chance to have a friend that won't be too different from her. KWIM?

 

Our neighborhood kids are about to start school and we previously enjoyed getting together with another hsling family where we moved from occasionally.

 

If a friendship for me comes out of it, great! But if not, okay just let our kids play together. I'll be more prepared when I go to the next meeting (of another group that is closer) and have talking points in mind. I wasn't prepared for the one I just went to. I thought others would do the hard part for me and break the ice. Wrong. :D

[Aloha2U]

...as I'm barely just starting our HS journey, but I'm so glad that you started this thread. That is exactly how I felt and thought I was the only one.

 

I went to a HS Group meeting in June and was very disappointed. A few people thought that my researching and planning at this point was a great thing to do, but I too felt like I was an outcast. I guess I had high expectations as well and although I had hoped not to, I too encountered the common ailments of the general homeschooler that you listed. Also, just as you stated I felt like if I was honest about what we're doing and plan to do, which is so different from what their comfort zones are (using ABeka, Bob Jones, etc.) I will alienate myself from potential friends. I talked about it with my dh and said the EXACT same thing to him that you wrote...

 

I know I can be intimidating, really I do, but is this *my* problem or others Part of me says, it's others problem but then I'm the one who's looking for a friend.

 

I then went to a Homeschool Curriculum Fair put on by the same group and actually found someone that I was on the same page with in regards to the classical method, but her kids are grown and she's almost done HSing, big bummer! I have been praying about this... finding another homeschool family/families to share Christian Classical curricula ideas, a friend(s) for me and a playmate(s) for my one and only ds. Seems almost to good to be true. Then, the Lord opened a door for us with a family where we fellowship. Ah-ha, so that's what you had in mind, Lord!

 

Anyways, I understand your situation. I definitely don't think this HS group is for us, but I may give it another try in the future since it was at the end of the year and many were not present at the time. Although, I believe I'll probably be resolved to the following stated by Sweetpeach, which will be just fine with me. I do like the curriculum fair though!

 

I have a few homeschooling friends, but we never, ever talk homeschooling. It just seems like such a waste of time . . . especially when I can come here and get reasonable, educated, experienced answers to my questions.

 

Even more truthfully, I don't really press in with other homeschoolers . . . and I certainly don't enjoy "homeschool groups." We connect with 2 other hs'ing families and that's it -- the rest of our life is very mainstream.

 

The advice other's gave about finding some common ground apart from your hs'ing experience is, imho, very wise. I honestly don't believe that a shared homeschooling experience is a good connecting point for starting a friendship . . . it's as random as saying all the brunettes should be friends because, well, we're brunettes.

 

Everyone else who posted on this thread also has great advice for you and it has helped me as well. Although I am newbie as well, I too have learned so much here on TWTM forum, things I think take others YEARS to learn or experience. I love it! Thank you everyone!

 

Melissa

[newbie]

First I want to thank you all for responding and not bashing me completely on the head. I feel much better equipped for the upcoming meeting on how to approach others and what in the world to talk about. Although it would be nice to find someone with similar hs goals, I realize that isn't my main reason for seeking a hs group.

 

I want my kids to have opportunities to play with other hs kids, I feel like dd8 has repeatedly said, "we homeschool", "my mom teaches me" and had to answer so many questions lately about it that I want to give her a chance to have a friend that won't be too different from her. KWIM?

 

Our neighborhood kids are about to start school and we previously enjoyed getting together with another hsling family where we moved from occasionally.

 

If a friendship for me comes out of it, great! But if not, okay just let our kids play together. I'll be more prepared when I go to the next meeting (of another group that is closer) and have talking points in mind. I wasn't prepared for the one I just went to. I thought others would do the hard part for me and break the ice. Wrong. :D

 

I totally know where you are coming from, I cant find any in my neighborhood.

 

I call ahead of time, and find out what their common goals are, and if I dont jive, I dont go. Kind of saves me feeling like an outcast.

 

But, you girlfriend, I strive to be like, you are so well organized and have it together. I , am a chicken with her head cutoff compared to you.

 

You will find some group you jive with , it just takes time.

 

Jet

[King Alfred Academy]

:grouphug: Sorry to hear about your experience with the group. I know they would/could learn a lot from you, but *you* are the "new" member.

 

I have tried a couple of different groups here with no success. They were very cliquish and I didn't "fit". However, I was able to hook up with some fantastic moms with some great kids just by showing up at the same Biology Club our parks department put on every week. We noticed after a few weeks that we were the only moms/kids who came on a consistent basis, shared the same desires for our kids, and we all homeschooled! It was great finding friends in them. We started getting together regularly, having play dates, going to lunch, starting a book club, and even camping together. It was fantastic! And you know what?! None of us shared the same views about hschooling, they thought I was a curriculum junkie (but who did they come too for advice? Huh?!), but we got along great in spite of our differences.

 

So, I said all that to say...maybe try finding something you and the kids can do on a weekly basis and try to find friends that way. It was the only thing that worked for me. That is what I am planning to do once we move...although I have had some contact with other moms from these boards who live in that area that I am so excited to finally meet IRL!

 

I hope you will find friends soon, Jessica!:grouphug:

[oliveview]

Jessica, I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I thought maybe the hs groups were a little more...ummm, well-rounded, in Savannah.

 

I am about 45 south of you and I often get the vibe from the group that I spend too much time thinking, talking, worrying, or in general concerning myself with my kids curriculum, or that I "push" them too much. It has taken me a long time but I have found common ground with some and others I just let it go.

 

Hey, there are plenty of opportunities for field trips between our locations. We'd love to have an adventure with you guys!! :)

[Trivium Academy]

Sounds like a plan to me! I've gotten the "you spend too much time..." too, even here at the boards. Will you email me so we can exchange info? Your email address isn't linked here, mine is. :)

[sunshine]

Hey! I didn't know you were in Savannah Jessica!! I live in Savannah!! Girl I will hang out and talk homeschool ALL day with you or not at all!! Going to the beach on Tuesday give me a call!

[asta]

First I want to thank you all for responding and not bashing me completely on the head. I feel much better equipped for the upcoming meeting on how to approach others and what in the world to talk about. Although it would be nice to find someone with similar hs goals, I realize that isn't my main reason for seeking a hs group.

 

I want my kids to have opportunities to play with other hs kids, I feel like dd8 has repeatedly said, "we homeschool", "my mom teaches me" and had to answer so many questions lately about it that I want to give her a chance to have a friend that won't be too different from her. KWIM?

 

Our neighborhood kids are about to start school and we previously enjoyed getting together with another hsling family where we moved from occasionally.

 

If a friendship for me comes out of it, great! But if not, okay just let our kids play together. I'll be more prepared when I go to the next meeting (of another group that is closer) and have talking points in mind. I wasn't prepared for the one I just went to. I thought others would do the hard part for me and break the ice. Wrong. :D

 

I think this post gets to the crux of the matter: what are we, as parents, willing to put up with (in the "adult" realm) in order for our children to have playmates/friends/interaction with children/others with whom they don't have to "explain themselves"?

 

I determined that that answer was A LOT in my case.

 

By the same token, as my child has gotten older, he has become much more selective himself as to who he is willing to spend time with (and what attitudes and types of behaviors he is willing to tolerate).

 

 

No good answers for you, sorry.

 

 

asta

[gandpsmommy]

Jessica, I don't have time to read all the replies right now, but I just wanted to say that I know what you mean. I am by no means as organized as you are, but I still identify with what you are describing. We moved two years ago, and I still have not found a homeschool community niche here because of this. I just feel so out of place. I would have fit in nicely in our old town, but here, it's a different story. I wish I had more time to share my thoughts, but I have to run. Maybe I can type more later.

[sunshine]

ast edited by Moderator : Today at 02:19 PM. Reason: Better not to put phone numbers on the board! Please PM user instead.

 

whoops did not have much sense last night!! sorry I am not use to message boards, I didn't even think about leaving my phone number as being not such a good idea!! Thank you moderator!!!

[Tess in the Burbs]

I am still trying to fit in to the group that meets in the park near me!!! I went a few times but no one spoke to me. I quit over winter but made the effort this spring. I kept standing near everyone and got to speak a few times. I think it's just like any large group...there are close friends and the rest of us. I made a point to speak to a new person one day and I got it back later on that I was the only one who did and she thought I was nice. So it wasn't just me feeling like an outsider.

 

I would go again and try to find the moms with kids the same ages and try to get the kids connected. then hope you get along with the moms :-)

 

keep trying. we have been here a year now and I still don't have a huge homeschool circle here. But the ones I have are great and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

 

Hope you find some close friends soon!

[Guest janainaz]

Homeschool groups have been my biggest frustration. I love homeschooling, but we are total loners. I really do hate it.

 

I am a Christian who does not belong to a church and I have views that are outside the box. My dh went to school to be a pastor (straight out of highschool), decided he did not want to be one and we came to a point where every church we tried just did not feel right. We just don't like all the systems of church (for us). Our motto is "we are the church". On that note, I feel like when I have visited homeschool groups and I'm asked where I go to church, I am judged. I am not the typical Christian and I don't mean that rudely or that I am more right, I just think very differently and it leaves me on the outside. I could go into examples that would make more sense, but I don't want to write a novel here.

 

I went to a group for 7 months and it was very clicky and odd. It was medium sized (about 20-25 families) and after going for as long as I did, when I left, I did not get one email or call. I always felt like I did not belong. Maybe those feelings were felt by others because I felt that way. I really can't say every woman in that group had a problem, but me.

 

Since then, I have attended a few homeschool groups and a couple P.E. classes here. The coaches passed out "character cards" to the kids and they were supposed to check off character traits like you would check off chores on a chore list. It felt very ingenuine to me and it goes against how I think. Being part of a group is completely exhausting and intimidating to me. I partly feel forced to become someone I am not and to think like the masses. The other part of me is a loner and new faces and friends make me feel totally uncomfortable.

 

My husband told me it's me. I am sure he is right. I think I am judging the women as harshly as I feel they are judging me. I don't have issues with non-Christians, I just have a hard time with the Christians and so joining a group is frustrating. We are not legalistic and while some are in those groups, many others are not. So, why can they get along and I can't?

 

We really need to be a part of a group, I need the interaction and support of other homeschool women and I want my sons to feel that they are part of something, to go on field trips and feel connected -we need people. God made us to need people. But, I am having a difficult time in my viewpoints and something internally. Maybe it is deep insecurity I did not realize I had. I have not quite figured it out yet, but something I desperately need to overcome. I'm totally lonely and yet in my comfort zone.

 

I have one friend and I have lived in AZ for 7 years. It has to be my pride and or insecurities. I know the women can be difficult in the groups, especially the ones in leadership roles, or women that feel they have arrived somewhere. But, really, we are all on the journey to find our way. While I am very confident in our curricula and the method I use to teach my kid(s), I am still interested in hearing about the other women and what they do. I have issues in other areas that I need to learn to get past.

 

I am trying a new group this month for the first time in about 2 years. I always find something i don't like about everyone - it must be my self-sabotaging kind of thing. I really hope I can connect and get to know the women. It takes time and I hope my soul-searching leaves us with more friendships. That is what I really want and desire.

 

Sorry this was so long, it's the one thing in homeschooling that is a struggle right now for me. I read your blog all the time and I think that any group would be so happy to have you there. It does take really thinking about what you want this journey to be like for you and for your kids. Are you wanting a life filled with friends and plans and the phone ringing? If so, you might need to really focus on the hearts behind the heads for a while. :)

[WTMindy]

That's why you have us!!!!! I know you are doing it to try and meet people, but I think a group like that sounds dreadful, quite honestly. That is just one of the reasons I don't like support groups (other than all you guys, of course). I totally know how you feel, Jessica! It is sad when you feel bad about the hard work you have done.

[cajunrose]

I have different problems with the group I found. See...I'm atheist. They are Pentecostal mostly. Talk about feel out of place!!!!!! They don't outcast me, I outcast myself. i just don't fit in with them and it makes me sad. I need the support. :(

[sunshine]

Jessica, I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I thought maybe the hs groups were a little more...ummm, well-rounded, in Savannah.

 

the homeschool group I belong to in Savannah is awesome but Jessica went to one in another county. I invited her to ours in a few weeks. I hope it is a good fit. Truthfully, some are not a good fit.

 

:)

[teamturner]

I haven't moved since our homeschooling journey began but I do feel alone in the way I hs versus my hs friends(at co-op). I don't know anyone else who is classical and when I mention classical related subjects or curriculum it gets really uncomfortable. So I don't mention it.

 

When I was in a support group, I never went to the support meetings but joined for the sake of field trips. I think you should focus on 1)getting to know the in's and out's of hsing in your new city/area, 2)field trip opportunities, 3)local hs shopping resources, etc, and 4)just making friends. There's a lot you can talk to other hsers about w/o discussing curiculum or methods.

 

Just my 2 cents! :D